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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  November 16, 2018 1:33am-2:05am PST

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for the serial killer. - oh, right, the hands, right! oh, my god. murphy! you're not gonna believe this. - that's it. no more pictures. time to die. - no, please. i'm sorry i gave other people credit for your killings. it was very wrong of me to lie about the other psychics and get them arrested. - your hand will be one with the others. - please just let me go. i'm gonna tell everyone i'm not really psychic. i've learned my lesson! please, i don't want to-- i don't want to have to use my psychic mind missile on you! doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo! - hold it right there, killer! - [growls] [gunshots] [gunshot]
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[gunshot] - you got here just in time. he was gonna kill me because he was insanely jealous of my incredible psychic ability. - well, young man, you did an amazing thing. not only did your psychic visions help us catch the killer, but a lot of innocent people are out of jail. - yes, thank you very much, kyle. - yes, thanks. - you're certainly a better psychic than eric. - no, don't you see? cartman never had psychic visions. and neither do these people. the plain simple truth is that nobody is psychic. there's a logical explanation for every psychic story you've ever heard. - do you think that's true? - it must be true. the kid is psychic. but i don't suppose it really matters much, because in the end, the way i caught the killer was with good old-fashioned police work. come on, murphy. - well, young man, i guess that just leaves one score to settle. - you can't hurt me. - then let this be our final battle. [all imitating spacey sound effects] - oh, stop it! stop it! [electricity buzzes]
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[glass shatters] there's a logical explanation for that. captioning by captionmax comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: welcome to the daly show, everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. thank you for coming out-- thank you for coming out in the snow. i appreciate you guys. every single one of you. thank you for tuning in. we have two amazing guests tonight, new york city senator and now author kirsten gillibrand will be here. ( cheers and applause ) and later in the show from the new movie "creed ii," tessa thompson is joining us, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) so that's going to be a lot of fun. but first there's a ton of news, so let's catch up on today's headlines. let's start with president trump. and before you boo-- before you boo, he's doing something you might actually like. >> president trump threw his support behind a deal to implement the biggest criminal justice reform this nation has seen in a generation. >> showcasing what would be the most sweeping prison reform agreement in decades, and if it passes, one of the biggest bipartisan laws of his administration. >> americans from across the
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political spectrum can unite around prison reform legislation that will reduce crime while giving our fellow citizens a chance at redemption. >> trevor: you see? that's good news. president trump is supporting bipartisan criminal justice reform. just in time for his entire administration to be indicted by robert mueller. ( laughter ) just in time! ( cheers and applause ) he's up there like, "these criminals deserve a second term-- i mean, second chance." ( laughter ) i wonder if when melania heard about the reduced sentences she was like, does that mean i get out of marriage early now?" "sorry, baby, you're in for life." speaking of getting out, it's been two years since u.k. voted in favor of brexit, which of course is a cross between brunch and exit. and the prime minister has just unveiled her plan on how to do it. let's just say it has turned into a bit of a problem. >> five members of prime
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minister theresa may's government have resigned saying they cannot support the 500-page draft for brexit that was officially submitted to the european council today. >> theresa may right sright now trying to explain to both sides of the house of parliament. and frankly, she's been laughed out of the room. >> this morning i had meetings with ministerial colleagues and others-- ( laughter ) it is a draft treat they means that we will leave thed e.u. in a smooth and orderly way on the 29th... ( laughter ). >> trevor: now, as usual, with british comedy, you may not understand what's so funny. basically, those lawmakers are laughing at theresa may because they know that her smooth brexit plan is ridiculous. and, of course, it's ridiculous-- no breakup is ever smooth, okay. you're going to brexit, it's not going to be smooth. like every breakup is like that. you think it's going well, and before you know it, she's with someone new and she chks the netflix password and you get
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arrested because you broke in to see how "house of cards" ended but i just wanted to see how it feels to have a female president! it's the only reason i was there! moving on, if you're a man who has been get something extra looks out on the street it's probably because your fly is down, or maybe you just forgot to shave. >> there's a new study out that says when it comes to facial hair, women prefer a little stubble. the journal of "evolutionary biology" surveyed 8500 women and they rated men at different stages. heavy stubble, or guys that had gone 10 days without shaving, that was found to be the most attractive feature. in second came full beards, and third, light stubble. and dead last, was clean shaven. >> trevor: wow, that's crazy, i never even thought about that. ( cheers and applause ) that is-- wow. things i don't even think about. but, yeah, apparently women find men more attractive when they have a beard. although, i don't even that applies to idris elba.
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even without a beard, look at him, he's still idris elba. forget about growing a beard. if you want to attract women you should grow idris alba on your face. the transition period is rough but stick with it and it's worth it. let's move on to our main story. i've got tape all over my face now. aahh! freshly shaved. amazon. it's the trillion-dollar company that has everything from a progressive show about transgender family to an overnight shipping of an inflatable dildo chair, which sat $49.99 is an absolute steel stael, people. you can't put a price on pleasure. anyway, as you know by now-- something is still on my face. ( cheers and applause ) you ghie goois weren't even going to tell me! you guys weren't even going to tell me! you were going to let me do the show with the stuff on my face. anyway, asun by now, this week amazon announced they're going to be opening two new headquarters, which sort of
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defeats the purpose of "headquarters." but whatever. although politicians in new york are take a victory lap at getting amazon to move into their state, some people are giving the move one star. >> amazon's decision to put part of its new headquarters in queens brought a bit of a backlash. >> in long island city some people are voicing concerns about their new neighbors. >> this is one of the big concerns, the subway system. >> there's going to be housing issues. there are going to be transportation issues. there will be traffic issues, pollution issues. >> just this morning, i took out my phone. i athleted the amazon app off my phone. >> trevor: yeah! deleted the app! i like how people make it seem like deleting an app is permanent. it's gone! goodbye, amazon! wait, wait, i need more toilet paper. hold on. hold on. you know how many people delete tinder sunday morning and by sunday night they're sweeping again. i'm done with tinder, it's trash! now i'm horny. hold on, let me see.
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but still, but still, people are really upset that this internet giant is still coming to new york. for more on the amazon move, we turn to our correspondent with the most browser tabs over, jaboukie young-white, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) jaboukie, do you think that this is a good or a bad move by amazon? >> oh, it's worse than bad, trevor. it's cliche. amazon's been around for 24 years, and now they're doing what any, like, 24-year-old does-- what, move to new york and gentrify neighborhoods. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know, they could have at least spent a year teaching english in bangladesh. >> trevor: amazon is not trying to be original. they're trying to bring jobs to new york. >> oh, yeah, that's just what new york needs, another 25,000 techboros sucking down green juice on the 7 train. i mean, do you have any idea how crowded the subway is going to get? it's already a nonconsensual clothes-on orgy. i-- i literally don't know where
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my backpack starts and that dude's butt begins. ( laughter ). >> trevor: yes, but what about the fact that amazon is promising to invest $2.5 billion into new york? >> okay, yeah, but new york is giving amazon $3 billion. who wouldn't take that deal? you don't even need amazon. you don't need it! i could give you 2.5 if you promise me $3 billion. you want jobs? count my money, bitch! ( applause ) >> trevor: okay, i get it. and you joke, but they are still bringing 25,000 jobs. >> but, yeah, but those jobs aren't going to locals. they're bringing people in. and don't think that it won't affect you, trevor. just wait until the mayor tells you that the daily show has to be hosted by the marvelous mrs. maisel. >> trevor: i like mrs. maisel. >> me, too. i haven't seen it but i like that it exists. ( laughter ) ( applause )
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but, you know, what the worst part of this whole thing is? i just moved to queens. that place used to have street cred. you know mickey minhaj, 50 cent. but now when i tell people i live in queens, they're going to be like, "oh, okay, cool. can you return this package for me? >> trevor: well, look, i-- i'm sorry, but it doesn't seem like there's anything you can do about it now, so there's no point in complaining. >> not true, trevor. we can get out in the streets and stop amazon before it's too late! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: ronny chieng, everybody, ronny chieng. >> thank you. >> trevor: ronny what, are you doing? >> side hustle. don't ask. ( laughter ) >> i'm ready! my package came! i'm ready to get out and protest! >> trevor: wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. did you just order your boycott amazon sign from amazon? >> >> yeah! what am i going to do, go to cvs? that place is nasty. >> trevor: jaboukie young-white, everybody, we'll be
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>> trevor: welcome back. my first guest is a democratic senator from new york and author of the new children's book "bold and brave: 10 heros who won women the right to vote." please welcome, senator kirsten gillibrand. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> thank you, thank you for having me. >> trevor: thank you so much for coming back. we'll get into the book in a moment. we were just talking about amazon. it feels like that was on everybody's lips in new york. you recently commented on the whole amazon deal. where do you stand on it? >> well, i have some concerns. i mean, i'm glad they recognized that new york is the greatest city in the world, and we have some of the greatest workforce you could possibly ever want.
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the problem is they gave so many financial incentives to one of the wealthiest companies in the world, and build a helipad for the wealthiest man in the country. it's absurd that taxpayer dollars went for that kind of investment when we as new yorkers know how much investment we need in our infrastructure. we need better subways. we need to be able to get to work on time. so it's just a comparison of how much was offered, and the fact that we have so many other urgent needs right now. >> trevor:the democrats have won the house. the democrats are picking up more and more seats every day, it seems like. going forward, there has been talk of a few ideas the democrats are pushing for, and one of those key ones has been getting money out of politics. is that a realistic idea? >> i think it's the most important thing we could try to do, because everything that you want to accomplish, no matter what it is, the reason why it's so hard is because how much money the special interests, the wealthiest corporations spent on politics, and it distorts outcomes. >> trevor: right.
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>> it is really not only soft corruption but sometimes hard corruption. and so if we want to guarantee health care as a right and not a privilege, well, then you have to take on the drug companies and you have to take on the insurance companies. if you want to end gun violence in this country, you've got to take on the n.r.a. and the gun manufacturers that fund it. ( cheers and applause ) so it's important-- it's important, i think, for all of us to understand that connection between money and politics. and we have to restore our democracy to the people. you have to really break up the current system and say we need publicly funded elections. we need greater transparency and accountability. because you have to get this overwhelmingly and powerful influence that the most powerful monied interests have in outcomes. you know, this last tax bill, there's no better example, written in the dead of night, by the special interests. even republican members saying, "oh, we have to get this bill passed because our donors will be furious if we don't." so the truth is, you really have to get money out of politics.
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so i'm glad it's something we're going to start talking about, passing reforms and tank the coverage with the american people. >> trevor: it is a powerful book that has come out at a very timely moment. you have more women going into congress than ever before. predominantly on the democratic side, this book "bold and bright:10 heros who won the women the right to vote. it's a beautiful book, and it seems like it's for children, but i was reading it and i i was learning things. >> but you would. >> yes, so you wouldn't know susan b. anthony and we heard of those sufragets. but do we know what important role sojourner truth played in actually getting right to vote. she was one first to talk about the intersectionality of black women who not only had to abolish slavery first. but also needed to get the right to vote to be heard and get control over their lives. the same with harriet tub man. she escaped dlaifery, and went back to get other slaves free.
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and she never gave up. and what made her journey so powerful to me was the pure empathy she had for the people that she was fighting for. she said, "i heard their cries. i heard their screams. i felt their pain, and i would give every drop of my blood to free them." i mean that was the unbelievable strength and courage to put herself in danger every day. and then after all that, she went on and did speeches around the country for suffrage. >> trevor: before i let you go, one of the most important questions everyone wants to ask you is whether or not you're running in 2020. now, that's a question i've heard you answer over and over again. what interests me more is what you think the plan will be when the democrats have 100 people running for 2020. ( laughter ) at what point do you think as a other than you know you should or should no longer number a race. i know that's a tough question to ask because you haven't even said you're running yet. but is there a plan in place so there isn't a shitshow, so there
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isn't 100 people on stage fighting for scraps. >> no. >> trevor: there is no plan? >> no. >> trevor: okay. >> not at all. ( applause ) but i think-- you know, for each person who will consider it, i think you have to-- you know, for me it's very much a moral question about whether you need to use your time and talents to serve the country in that way. of course i will fight for new yorkers and serve new york. but you ask-- i have to ask my own self, i do need to do this thing? because this is a moment where people have to fight back with everything they have. what president trump has put out into the world is a lot of hate, a lot of division, a lot of anxiety. and all of us, all of us-- you, me, everyone here-- is called to do something in this moment, and we just have to decide what our "something" is. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show. "bold and brave" is available now. senator kirsten gillibrand, everybody. we'll be right back. hi. i'm paul.
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♪ this screen really is so huge. i can see everything. it's so beautiful. sfx: fortnite sounds. sfx: sighs. ♪
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sfx: sighs. nothing. what u doin'? hey. ♪break through. ♪break through. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: welcome back. my next guest is an actor who stars in the new movie "creed ii." >> what do you think? you think-- ( laughter ) >> no. >> couldn't even-- no. >> okay. no. >> no, that's not-- >> all right. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: please welcome tessa thompson ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: what a bumper year you have had, "westworld, "creed," "annihilation,"
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"sorry to bother you," you're one of those people who can binge watch themselves. do you ever stop and take stock? you are having an amazing time right now. congratulations. >> thanks so much. yeah, all the time. ( applause ) all the time. i feel incredibly lucky. >> trevor: right. >> and just hearing you list the things, i'm so excited at the time-- i mean, i'm so bored of the word "diversity." to me what's exciting is to have diverse ideas. >> trevor: right. >> and i feel so lucky that i get to make work that's so different and feel like i'm not being boxed into a space because i don't think that's been the case for so long for someone that looks like me. so i'm so grateful. >> trevor: "creed ii" is out right now. when "creedicate" out it was a fulm-- excuse the pun-- that knocked everybody out. like, michael b. jordan and yourself, it was a love story on screen. you play a really interesting character. she's a singer who has hearing
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impediments, but she-- she uses-- it's like part of who she is as a person. and in this-- in this film-- i don't want to give too much away-- but it really feels like she is now the hero to michael jordan's story, where michael b. jordan is struggling as a character, and she has to be that rock. did you find that change when you were playing her? >> yeah, i think so. i mean, you know, we wanted to create a character, ryan kbeler and i, the first time around that sort of bucked convention. and i think so often you see in these sports movies that the wife or the girlfriend is sort of this dutiful just, like, stand by her man, she's either fretting over him or scolding him for his trespasses. and i do a fair amount of that in these movies, too, just because you have to. it's sort of requisite. but we also wanted her to just have her own agency and have something she was after. so she's a singer. she self-produced. she does have progressive hearing loss, but it's something that she doesn't feel, you know-- it's not something that she's going to hang her hat on
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or something that she's going to let keep her from pursuing her dreams with vigor. and i think that's the case for so many people that people that are disabled or with disabilities, they live really full, fantastic lives. >> trevor: right. >> trevor: tessa thompson is not just somebody who is in front of the camera. you're producing your own content. you're looking at creating your own stories. you have a project you're really excited about. what is that going to be? >> it's a product i'm producing about a woman named doris pain who is an 86-year-old diamond thief and she's done it for decadees -- >> trevor: currently a diamond thief? >> oh, yeah, year, yeah, yeah. as a matter of fact, in court she listed as her occupation "diamond thief." because she's a baller. wwe sent a lawyer to atlanta, georgia, to bail her out-- no strings attached-- get her settled in, and then start having conversations and now we've been hanging out and working on the story. and i think it's a fascinating
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story about race i think she started just this-- you know, not just to make money, but i think also because she said if she could walk in with the right bag and the right shoes, people would treat her differently. she said she never thought she was stealing anything because she only stole what they let her keep, and they let her hang out with these diamonds an diamondss and things because she looked so sharp. hopefully we get to a place where we're judged by our merit and not by what we look like. ( applause ) but i love her! i love her so. >> trevor: that's exciting. >> i could talk forever. sorry. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i'm-- i want to see that movie now. so we're going to add that to the list. "creed ii," "men in black." tessa thompson, everybody. >> thank you. >> trevor: her movie will be in theaters november 21. make sure you catch it. tessa thompson, we'll be right back. ♪
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cats would do anything for the irresistible taste of temptations treats. what are you doing? hey, check this out. temptations - cats can't resist. ♪
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♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show, but before we go, real quick, real quick--iment-- real quick. i want to interview you. that's right, i want to interview you right here on "the daily show." i'll fly and you a friend out to new york city and show you around the sets and give you two v.i.p. tickets for taping for the show. after the show, i'll interview you right here on set, and we can talk about anything you like. if this sounds luke a good idea to you, go to the proceeds sup


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