tv The Daily Show Comedy Central March 27, 2019 11:00pm-11:36pm PDT
no, iea bt you! - you totally saved my ass, kyle! you must really care about me. i gotta get to a psychiatrist and learn to control whht i say. ♪ i got a golden ticket ♪ thanks to kyle! ♪ i got a golden twinkle in my eye ♪ - aw, shit! - aw, shit! captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) is is there oh>> trevor: oh, ye. welcome, everybody! welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you for tuning in. thank you so much for coming out! thank you! and thank you!
thank you! let's do it! let's do it! let's make a show. our guest tonight is a fascinating human being. she is a social psychologist with a fascinating new book about implicit bias. dr. jennifer eberhardt is joining us everybody. ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, the good news in the mueller report, the hot new democrat, and the man who won march madness. so let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ ♪ first up, the moon. getting there was one of america's greatest achievements. but what if america could get there again? >> a bold declaration by the vice president today. the trump administration wants u.s. astronauts back on the moon in just five years. >> last december, china became the first nation to land on the far side of the moon and revealed their ambition to seize the lunar strategic high ground and become the world's preeminent space-faring nation. and let me be clear-- the first woman and the next man on the moon will both be american
astronauts launched by american rockets from american soil. ( applause ) >> trevor: wearing american apparel, holding an american girl doll, and paying with american express. ( laughter ) i'm not going to lie-- this announcement kind of took me by surprise. mostly because i was surprised to find out that mike pence believes the moon exists, you know. ( laughter ) no, no, no. he seems like the kind of guy who thinks the devil put the moon there to make us think about nipples, you know? ( laughter ) also, i like that american people believe you can just, like, fix any of his current problems, you know, just by rebooting your old greatest achievements, you know. like, next week, mike pence is going to announce he's sending a special ops team to the bottom of the ocean to remurder osama bin laden. ( laughter ) "we'll do it again, folks!" but you know who is excited that we're going back to the moon? buzz aldrin. yeah, he can finally get his house keys that he left up there. ( laughter ) poor guy has been locked out for 50 years.
all right, let's move on to sports news. the n.c.a.a. tournament isn't even half over, but we already have an m.v.p. >> "sports illustrated" reports on the only person in the world with a perfect n.c.a.a. tournament bracket so far. >> the odds of that are 1 in 281 trillion. >> ohio neuropsychologist gregg nigl correctly predicted the outcomes of the first 48 march madness games. nigl shatters the previous record streak of 39 games. >> i was actually pretty sick with a bad cold on thursday. i woke up to call into work. i took some cold medicine, and i almost just went right back to bed, but i knew i had two more brackets to fill out. >> trevor: wow! ( laughter ) wow! this guy had a cold, and he still managed to fill out a perfect bracket! that is the worst overcoming-an-obstacle sports story i have ever heard. ( laughter ) just, like, move over, homeless n.f.l. player. this guy somehow opened up a
laptop with a stuffy nose. ( laughter ) and it really is just luck, right? because when you have this many people filling out brackets, it's bound to happen eventually. like, if an infinite number of monkeys filled out an infinite number of march madness brackets, eventually, there would be a monkey that will be like, "wait, why don't college athletes get paid?" ( laughter ) and finally tonight, some international news from australia. >> two nine-year-old girls have gone on a destructive rampage at the helensvale shopping center. >> unruly and uncontrollable. two nine-year-old girls running amok, kicking security guards, abusing shoppers, and jumping on a car. a security guard seizing one of the girl's scooters in an attempt to defuse the situation. police arriving shortly after taking the girls home, much to the relief of bystanders.
>> trevor: hey, siri, schedule a vasectomy for next week. ( laughter ) calling jeremy. ( laughter ) i can't believe that no adult there could control these children, like, just no one in that entire australia? "no adult could control, and they called the police." that is truly a first-world problem, i'll tell you now. because if this was africa, it would still be viral, but it would be a viral video of two children getting chased by a woman holding a shoe. ( laughter ) my grandmother would be like, "which car? let's see who gets killed today!" all right, let's move on to today's top story. ( cheers and applause ) the 2020 presidential election is now just 586 days away. can you feel it? can you feel it? it means, people, we are inching closer to finding out which one of the 800 democrats will go up against trump. and just look at how many people are running. look at all those faces! look at them!
( laughter ) but before they can compete against trump, the democrats still have to defeat their greatest enemy of all: the skeletons from their past. so far, the theme of the primary campaign has been democrats apologizing for the things they've done wrong in the past. just this week, kirsten gillibrand apologized for her former position on gun control. joe biden apologized for how he ran the anita hill hearings. and amy klobuchar apologized for not finishing the job on that one staffer that she didn't like. "i said oat milk, not almond milk! aaaaah!" but one candidate, john hickenlooper, has no regrets, even though he definitely should. >> john hickenlooper acknowledging that he took his mother to perhaps the most famous pornographic movie ever made. >> so i took my mother to see "deep throat." i didn't know what an x-movie was. we thought it was a little naughty, but we didn't think it was that bad.
my mother was-- i'm sure she was mortified. and i said repeatedly, "i think we should leave. i think we should go." and at the end, she knew that i was humiliated. >> trevor: i have so many questions. ( laughter ) okay, you took your mom to a porno by mistake, but even if you didn't realize you took your mom to an x-rated movie, why wouldn't you just leave once the deep throating started? ( laughter ) why did you watch the entire thing? i mean, even people who watch porn on purpose don't watch the entire thing. ( laughter ) and i know, i know that story makes hickenlooper seem super weird, but i think it also shows that he's definitely qualified to be commander in chief. yeah. because if you can sit through a full porno movie next to your mom, then nothing will faze you, all right. ( laughter ) there could be a full alien invasion, and president hickenlooper will be like, "my fellow americans, don't panic. it could be worse. we could be watching 'deep throat' with my mom."
( laughter ) and the aliens would be like, "he watches porn with his mom? this guy's a freak. let's get out of here." a lot of democrats are in the news right now for the wrong reason. there's one candidate who seems to be flying high. >> a big boost for democratic presidential hopeful pete buttigieg. the mayor of south bend, indiana, has soared to third place in a new poll of the iowa caucus. he picked up support from 11% of likely democratic voters in iowa, behind only joe biden and bernie sanders. >> emerging from the massive democratic presidential pack, he is beginning to catch nationwide attention. >> his polling numbers since last week have more than doubled. >> he is the hot thing in the race right now. >> trevor: yes, that's right. the mayor of south bend, indiana, is now in third place in the iowa democratic polls, which is insane. i mean, he's so popular, that i've seen people across america wearing his signature outfit of a dress shirt, blue tie, and
sensible shoes. i mean, maybe that's just how white people dress. i don't know. i don't know. ( laughter ) the point is who is this guy who is killing it in the polls? well, let's find out in our brand-new segment "getting to know dem." ( cheers and applause ) all right, first things first-- a lot of people are asking, "how do you pronounce this guy's name?" ( laughter ) it's pronounced pete. ( laughter ) okay? it's like peaches, but you just stop, all right. pete. that's it. oh, and as for his last name, we're still figuring that one out. >> pete buta-geg-- buta-geg. >> budda--geg-- >> indiana mayor, pete budda-edge. >> mayor pete beaut-edge-edge. >> pete budda-edge-bej. >> the best way to pronounce
your last name? >> budda-gej, but around south bend, they just call me mayor pete, and that's fine with me. >> trevor: thank god, mayor pete. we'll take mayor pete. people are really struggling with this one. it's not budda-edge, and it's not bood-a-jay. and it's not butt-tag. that was a weird one, butt-tag. that's the name of another movie hickenlooper saw with his mom. that's what that is. now that we're on the same page how to say his name, what has he done? >> for a guy who is only 37. pete buttigieg boasts an impressive resume. first elected mayor of his home town at age 29. a harvard-educated rhodes scholar, as well as a lieutenant in the navy reserve. >> took an unpaid seven-month leave during his mayoral term for a deployment to afghanistan. >> not only the first openly gay presidential candidate. he's also a newlywed. >> he would be a president of firsts: the first to be elected in his 30s.
the first millennial. the first openly gay commander in chief. and the first mayor. >> this is the only chance you'll ever get to vote for a maltese-american, left-handed episcopalian gat war veteran. ( laughter ) >> trevor: wait, wait. maltese-american? are you guys telling me this guy is part little dog? because if that's true, he is going to win every white person's vote in this country. white people love them little-ass dogs! love them! ( laughter ) but, seriously, thought, i can see why people are impressed by buttigieg. he has such a unique bio. he's a veteran, a harvard graduate and a rhodes scholar, who is openly gay, and also so young, that if he served two terms as president, when he came out, he would still only be 46. yeah. plus, he's a concert pianist and speaks seven languages, including norwegian, which he learned just so that he could read norwegian books. ( laughter ) compare that to america's
current president who has read zero books and is fluent in zero languages. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) in fact-- in fact-- buttigieg is pretty much the exact opposite of donald trump in every way. like, i wouldn't be surprised if he also has the world's largest hands. and i know-- ( laughter ) i know you might be saying, "so what, trevor? buttigieg is a cool guy. so what? there are plenty of cool guys, okay." and that's true. there are plenty of cool guys. i mean, like, do you guys know bryan? he's so cool. he has a motorcycle, and one time he saw a dead body by the train tracks. super cool. but buttigieg isn't just bryan-level cool. no, as mayor, he's also got a record worth bragging about. >> he ran for mayor at 29 years old in a place "newsweek" labeled, "a dying city." he won. >> south bend, indiana, was one of the top 10 most-decaying cities in the country.
he has done things to turned around housing in the area. he has done things with pedestrianizing the city. >> he transformed an old factory into a business park. he raised the minimum wage for city employees, and now he is working on a paid family leave plan. >> trevor: okay, first of all, can we just acknowledge how mean it is that someone made a list of the top 10 most-decaying cities? that's heartless. that's like "people" magazine doing an issue on the world's most un(bleep) meth addict. why would you do that? i mean, it's a great way for scabby greg to get his name out there, but still, people, not cool. this guy has a pretty impressive resume, though. as mayor, he's done many things. and i know many people will try to dismiss buttigieg as just some small-town mayor who is too young to be commander in chief. but according to him, he sees his age as an advantage. >> i belong to the generation that provided a lot of the troops for the post-9/11 conflicts. the generation that's going to be on the business end of climate change. and, statistically, we run the risk of being the first
generation in american history to actually be worse off economically than our parents if nothing is done to change the trajectory of this economy. it's a concern that calls on us to build an alliance among generations to try to make sure that the future really is better than the past. and you don't get that by promising to turn back the clock. >> trevor: of course he doesn't want to turn back the clock. if he did, he would just be a baby in a suit. ( laughter ) "i'm baby!" now, if you're watching this going, "trevor, why are you only showing us the positive things about pete buttigieg?" because that's all we could find, all right. no, i'm being serious. there's no dirt on this guy, like, nothing. usually candidates have some skeletons somewhere. but even his skeletons are singing his praises. "he gave me calcium for my bones!" ( laughter ) and i'll be honest, guys, i'm suspicious of any candidate who is this perfect, right. i've been burned too many times, okay. in fact, i think mayor pete should do something bad to prove that he's normal.
yeah, yeah. like, maybe he should just wear a little blackface. maybe he should defend michael jackson. oh, i don't know, go and watch porn with hickenlooper's mom-- something, anything! ( laughter ) because until something comes up, that's basically all you need to know about pete burger-- goddamn it! i was doing so well. well, that's mayor pete, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) how do you think they make starburst taste so juicy?
starburst? juicedratic equation. super top-secret mathematical formula they keep stored inside a safe, inside a vault, inside a volcano. ahhh. juicedratics. starburst. unexplainably juicy. starburst. wwith your man cave.?! is that a sabertooth tiger over there? no, it's mr. pickles using the box. crawl out of your cave. get to b-dubs. order beers and crush all the wings. that's! march! madness! buffalo wild wings. roaarrr! that rocking chair would look grahh, new house, eh?e. well, you should definitely see how geico could help you save on homeowners insurance. nice tip. i'll give you two bucks for the chair. two?! that's a victorian antique! all right, how much for the recliner, then?
wait wait... how did that get out here? that is definitely not for sale! is this a yard sale? if it's in the yard then it's... for sale. oh, here we go. geico. it's easy to switch and save on homeowners and renters insurance. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now that the mueller report has declared there was no collusion, the trump administration is flying high. these guys are in such a good mood right now. trump is smiling everywhere he
goes. sarah huckabee sanders is doing her version of smiling. and stephen miller was even spotted out on the town with a new girlfriend. yeah, i know, i can't believe that that monster is dating momo. and when it comes to policy, the administration is totally unleashed. they're just doing whatever they want right now. for instance, they're trying to kill obamacare again. >> breaking overnight, the trump administration now says the entire affordable care act is illegal and should be struck down in court. that's a dramatic shift from previous statements when the justice department argued only part of obamacare was illegal. >> the republican party will soon be known as the party of health care. >> trevor: you know, only trump could brag about being the party of health care while he's trying to kill it. you know, it's like saying your wedding vows while you're making out with the a rides maid, you know. and, seriously, these guys do not care. because, first, the republicans
took away of health care mandate. now they're trying to take away all the health care protections. soon, they're just going to come out against health in general. trump is just going to be like, "new program, folks. we're giving everyone measles, because if everyone has measles, no one has measles. think about it, folks. think about it." ( laughter ) and now, you might say, ""yeah, but trevor, trump always hated obamacare. this is just politics." all right, maybe so. but that doesn't explain this. >> now to the capitol hill drilling, education secretary betsy devos faced over her department's proposed budget cuts, including a call to slash all federal funding from the special olympics. >> wisconsin democratic congressman mark pocan pushing devos, asking whether devos knew how many children would be affected by the elimination of special olympics funding. >> we had to make some decisions with this budget-- >> again, this is a question of how many kids. not the budget. >> i don't know how many kids. >> it's 272,000 kids. i'll answer is for you. that's okay. no problem. ( laughter )
>> trevor: i like how he said that with a smile. that was a super asshole thing to do. "oh, no, that's fine. i'll answer it for you. i'll answer it for you." i understand why he's so angry. i mean, the trump administration is cutting federal funding from the special olympics. that just sounds mean, right? because here's the thing-- the $18 million that they're going to save isn't even that much money for a government. it's actually what the government spends for trump to visit mar-a-lago five times. yeah, that's it, same amount of money. so at the very least, you could compromise on this issue-- send the kids to mar-a-lago, and make donald run for once in his life. ( cheers and applause ) yeah. yeah. everybody wins. and as if that wasn't mean enough, president scrooge mcduck is now saying that he thinks puerto rico has been getting too much money for hurricane disaster relief. yeah. so in four days, trump has gone
after sick people, special needs kids, and hurricane victims. i feel like right now baby seals are like, "well, we had a good run, folks." for more on this issue of trump being a total asshole, we're joined now by a man who proudly has the word "asshole" on his resume. michael kosta, everybody. michael. ( cheers and applause ) >> i'm at a loss for words, man. what do you make of this situation? it's so disappointing and so depressing. >> shhh. hush your crying, my sweet trevor. you're look at this the wrong way. what you're witnessing is president trump in all his post-mueller awesomeness. the russia investigation was a dark cloud hanging over him but now the sun is out, spring is here, and trump is a douchebag bumblebee sipping the sweet nectar of total exoneration. >> trevor: stop that, your lips look weird. you said totally exonerated but robert mueller's report specifically said trump was not
totally exonerated. like, you're sounding like jussie smollett, right now. >> oh, yeah? and where is jussie smollett right now? living as a free man, thanks to robert mueller. >> trevor: wait? what? mueller had nothing to do with that. >> oh, i'm sorry. did you read the mueller report? did you get a sneak peek. >> trevor: no. >> then shut those dimples tight. because until it's released, the mueller report exonerates trump from anything he says it does. it gives him total freedom. and it's not just for trump. it gives us all the go-ahead to do whatever we want, you know? mmmm! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: don't-- don't encourage him. don't encourage him. no-- kosta, kosta-- dude, you can't drink alcohol at work. >> don't tell me what to do, work dad, all right? plus, don't worry. it's nonalcoholic. heineken, zero-zero. now you can. ( laughter ) >> trevor: hold up. hold up.
did you just do a beer ad in the middle of my show? >> yeah, and i'm keeping all the profits, because the mueller report said i can. >> trevor: dude, the mueller report didn't say that. >> oh, did you read it in the last five second. >> trevor: no, i didn't. >> "no, i didn't." that's what you sound like. ( laughter ) hey do your-- do your dimples ever, like, switch, you know? if they go in on the outside, do they go out on the inside? ( laughter ). >> trevor: what, kosta-- if that beer is nonalcoholic, why are you acting so weird, man? >> well, i may have been huffing some paint earlier, which you're not supposed to do but, you know, mueller said it's cool. ( laughter ) wink. i think i'm going to pass out. >> trevor: okay, we need a doctor. michael kosta, everybody. we need a doctor. no, this is good. this is bad. this is good. this is good. ( cheers and applause )
( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: i have seen some of your interviews. i have read the book. and this is one of the most fascinating conversations that is being had in a completely new way. let's talk about bias. what's interesting is many people think of bias as a way to say somebody's racist. >> right. >> trevor: but off the bat, we've got to clear that off the table. someone being biased is not someone necessarily being racist. >> that's right. and, i mean, all of us have a vulnerability to bias. and the book really looks at the science behind it. >> trevor: right. >> and i think-- but implicit bias can be defined as the beliefs and the feelings that we have about social groups that can affect our, you know, our decision making and our behavior even when we're unaware of it. >> trevor: it's interesting because, you know, most of us hear the term "bias" or "implicit bias" oftentimes when talking about police. we hear police have implicit biases and will stop african american people or minorities at a higher rate than the general population.
and that plays into the "why." but how does bias affect somebody's ability to do their job as a police officer? >> well, it could affect-- so, so, in this country, there's an association between blackness and crime. >> trevor: right. >> and that association could influence, you know, the decisions that officers make and the actions they take, again, even without knowing it's affecting them. >> trevor: bias may not be on the surface. it may be triggered by an event, by stress, by panic, by-- >> right. >> trevor: so what you're saying there may be an officer who's fine all the time. he doesn't see black people as a threat, but then when a situation becomes stressful, all of a sudden his bias kicks in. >> trevor: it could. >> trevor: it's like an allergy. >> i hadn't thought about it that way before, but-- >> trevor: well, you're a genius. i'm a comedian. so... >> so, yeah, i mean, so some situations where you're stressed, where you're threatened. >> trevor: right.
>> where you have to think quickly, make decisions really fast. so all of those situations could trigger bias. it could make it more likely that you're going to act on that bias in some way. >> trevor: before i let you go, i really had a fun time reading there were a group of criminals in oakland who are very aware of bias. and what they did was really interesting. could you tell the audience what exactly these criminals did and how they used bias in their favor? >> so, yeah, this was when i got to oakland, california, and i was working-- just starting work with the police department there. and the crime rate was going down, but there were a series of strong-arm robberies that always seemed to happen in chinatown in oakland, and they would involve middle-aged chinese women. so they were snatching their purses from their arms. >> trevor: right. >> and, you know, so this is--
this really stymied, you know, the police officers. they couldn't figure out how to catch the robbers because when they would round people up and say, "is this the person?" the middle-aged chinese women couldn't-- couldn't tell you. >> trevor: right. >> and with they asked the robbers, "well, why are you going there? why are you going to chinatown?" and they said, "because, you know, they can't tell the brothers apart." ( laughter ) >> trevor: that is one of the most horrible fantastic stories ever. and the book is full of them. thank you so much for joining us on the show. wonderful having you. "bias" is available now. dr. jennifer eberhardt, everybody. we'll be right back. thank you so much. ♪ cause i am your lady ♪ and you are my man
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captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. thank you for tuning in. here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ >> we are here on a budget. there are actually about 40 seats in this room, and there are now one, two, three, four, five, six-- seven people sitting in them. there is the world's smallest press table over there with the world's most bored cress corps reporting on the world's most useless hearing. and we've gotten ourselves into this pickle on our own. ( cheers and applause ) [ cheers and applause ] hello! welcome to "the jim jefferies show." and guess what we're not talking about tonight. the mueller report! i can't believe he wasted two years writing a report. he should have just beaten up a nerd