tv The Daily Show Comedy Central July 16, 2019 1:39am-2:15am PDT
- that's it. no more pictures. time to die. - no, please. i'm sorry i gave other people credit for your killings. it was very wrong of me to lie about the other psychics and get them arrested. - your hand will be one with the others. - please just let me go. i'm gonna tell everyone i'm not really psychic. i've learned my lesson! please, i don't want to-- i don't want to have to use my psychic mind missile on you! doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo! - hold it right there, killer! - [growls] [gunshots] [gunshot] [gunshot] - you got here just in time. he was gonna kill me because he was insanely jealous of my incredible psychic ability. - well, young man, you did an amazing thing. not only did your psychic visions help us catch the killer, but a lot of innocent people are out of jail. - yes, thank you very much, kyle. - yes, thanks. - you're certainly a better psychic than eric. - no, don't you see? cartman never had psychic visions.
and neither do these people. the plain simple truth is that nobody is psychic. there's a logical explanation for every psychic story you've ever heard. - do you think that's true? - it must be true. the kid is psychic. but i don't suppose it really matters much, because in the end, the way i caught the killer was with good old-fashioned police work. come on, murphy. - well, young man, i guess that just leaves one score to settle. - you can't hurt me. - then let this be our final battle. [all imitating spacey sound effects] - oh, stop it! stop it! [electricity buzzes] [glass shatters] there's a logical explanation for that. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! we're back! thank you for coming out, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) our guest tonight is a fashion icon whose new memoir is called "dapper dan: made in harlem." dapper dan is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, new york goes dark, the world's worst billionaire, and i think the
president, might be racist. so let's catch up on today's headlines. all right, let's begin with news from who hollywood. they gave us black superheros, then we got black mermaids, and now we may be getting a black spy. >> the next james bond star to receive a license to kill will be a first in franchise history. the daily mail reporting british actress la shana lynch will be revealed as the next 007 agent in the new bond 25 movie. lynch will be the first black woman to play the role. the movie is due out next year. >> trevor: oh, hell, yeah! ( cheers and applause ) 007 is going to be a black woman! are you serious? this is so dope! yeah, because she's probably going to kick ass as much as he did and this will be the first movie where we see die of a
lethal dose of side-eye. really, when the villain captures her, i have one question for you, 007. can i touch your hair, please? i never saw that, before, wow! my favorite part is when the bad guys are chasing, stop the black lady -- not because she's black! just because she has blue pluto. if i didn't want to kill her, that would be racist. ( laughter ) speaking of women making waves. aoc, ayanna, rashida, ilhan, aka the squad. ( cheers and applause ) ever since the democrats took the house, these women have taken the lead in calling trump out. yesterday the president hit back in the most trumpy way imaginable. >> president trump has sparked a storm of outrage after a series of racist tweets targeting members of congress who are
women of color. >> the president called out progressive democratic congresswomen tweeting why don't they go back and fix the broken crime infested places from which they came then dom back and show us how it is done. need your help badly. can't leave fast enough. the congresswomen came from cincinnati, detroit and new york city. only ilhan omar, a somali refugee, was born outside the u.s. >> trevor: i don't know what's worse, the fact that the president thought it was acceptable to say go back to where you came from, or the fact he said it to people who are already where they came from. ( laughter ) you know, it's almost like, in trump's head you can't be a person of color and an american, which is strange because he of all people should know that you can be two things at the same time. yeah, i mean, he's bald and has a full head of hair. it doesn't make sense! but we accept it. ( laughter ) not surprisingly, not
surprisingly, mr. mexicans or rapists doesn't think he says anything bad. >> doesn't concern you -- doesn't it concern you that many people saw that tweet as racists and white nationalists groups are finding common cause with you on that point? >> it doesn't concern me because many people agree with me, and all i'm saying, they want to leave, they can leave now. it doesn't say leave forever, it says leave. >> trevor: okay, i don't know where to begin. ( audience reacts ) first of all, just because many people agree with you doesn't mean you aren't being racist. imagine if hitler was, like, i know everybody says i'm bad, but are you seeing how many people are waving from me in the streets? if i was raysist they would say something, ya? also trump is twisted. he says go back where you came from, i didn't mean forever. they can come back. he makes it sound like that's what's been dividing america all this time is these people aren't racist, we just haven't let them
finish their full statements. like if we let people finish and say, we don't need your kind around here, we want your kind around here, because we appreciate you. ( laughter ) so here we are again, my friends, everyone says this was racist, trump says it was not. it's hard to know which side is correct. ( laughter ) but this sounds like a case for trevor noah, racism detective, the only person who can help us find out is donald trump racist. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) yes, he's racist. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) and finally! in some viral news, for decades, americans have wanted to know what secedes are contained
within the walls of area 51, and for decades, the government has said, what's area 51? but it looks like now the nation's morons have had enough and they're going to find out for themselves. >> for decades, conspiracy theorists have accused the united states military of hiding evidence of little green men and u.f.o.s at the top secret base in the nevada desert. now hundreds of thousands of facebook users are signing up all the time for an event called storm area 51. they can't stop all of us. it's scheduled for september 20th. the air force is warning people that area 51 is a training range and that the military is ready to defend it. ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay -- okay, i didn't think area 51 was suspicious until that last part. yeah, the military is like guys, it's an ordinary training range and if you come near, we will kill all of you. ( laughter )
now it's, like, what's there, we want to know. and this facebook group, their plan is to storm the military base because they "can't stop all of us"? have you guys never heard of bums, huh? those things can stop a lot of us at the same time. ( laughter ) and let's be clear, a million people aren't going to storm area 51. a million people responded on facebook. yeah. which means seven people are going to area 51. ( cheers and applause ) i don't know even know what these people are hoping will happen. what are you going to do when you get there? you know what would be great is if they actually get will you security and find an alien and the alien is, like, hello, everyone. oh, my god you're real? don't worry, buddy. we're going to get you back to where you came from. oh, where i came from? so raysist, so racist!
( laughter ) let's move on to the main story! jeffery epstein. over the past week you've probably seen his name everywhere, newspaper headlines, your twitter feed and obviously the sex offender registry. if you don't know jeffrey epstein, think r. kelly without the melanin or the talent and a lot more organized. >> jeffrey epstein was indicted on charges of sex trafficking involving underranged girls. >> prosecutors say jeffrey epstein created a network of dozens of victims, some as young as 14 whom he sexually abused at his estate in palm beach florida and mangsz in new york city. >> the raid uncovered a sex toy, a life sized female doll hanging from a chandelier and hundreds of lewd photos. bill cosby used to live in a townhouse directly opposite the mansion. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: i don't know who's
writing real life now but the store is insane. first of all, that this hedge fund billionaire got away with running an underage sex ring for years and, secondly, that he lived right across the road from bill cosby. like, i don't know who the neighborhood watch is, but they're doing a shitty job. ( laughter ) seriously, how do two major sex criminals buy houses across the corrode from each other? what are the chances? is there a villa i'm unaware of? fireplace, secret sex dungeon and definitely door man. ( laughter ) i'm sorry, bill cosby and jeffrey epstein on a same street. a dangerous neighborhood. they could do a whole season of "law and order" that takes place on just that block. ( laughter ) so the police raided epstein's mansion, found lots of incriminating evidence and threw him in jail and, today, epstein's lawyers argued that he should be allowed to live under house arrest until his trial,
although i don't think house arrest is a good idea because, i mean, the house is where all this shady shit allegedly went down. it would be like walter white getting to wait for trial in an r.v. in the desert. that's where it happens. you might be asking where does epstein get the balls to ask for lenient treatment from the law? maybe because this is not the first time. >> in 2008 epstein was accused of running this same sex trafficking operation involving at least 40 underage girls but those federal charges in 2008 were dropped after epstein received a controversially lenient plea deal. epstein was only in county jail for 13 months and was allowed out to go to work six days a week. >> trevor: i'm sorry, everything is shady about this deal. yeah, what is the right reaction there? not only did the charges get dropped, what he was charged for meant he was going to jail but he was allowed to leave prison for six days a week and go to work. yeah. that's not prison, that's just life. ( laughter ) you go to work every day, and
then sundays you stay in. the only difference is he was living rent free. can you imagine if you were sharing a cell with this guy? epstein comes back to jail at night and his cellmate is, what a day, i spent all day in solitaire. epstein said, i wish i was in sol -- solitary, starbucks was a zoo this morning. anyway, good fight, bill cosby. ( applause ) epstein was a billionaire running an underage trafficking ring, but that's not the only reason this blew up. it's because the man who let him off with the lenient prison sentence bays became trump's labor sncht now trump's guy stepped down. >> the fallout from epstein case reached the white house, labor secretary alexander acosta resigning after acosta faced mounting pressure for his role
in negotiating a controversial plea deal with epstein as a u.s. attorney in florida more than a decade ago. president trump accepting the resignation while praising acosta. >> this was him, not me, because i'm with him. he was a -- he's a tremendous talent, he's an hispanic man -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: he's a hispanic man? what a strange thing to bring up when a guy is resigning, like no other boss would do that. it would be, like, so, everybody, today is jerry's last day. he's korean, and there will be cake in the break room. thank you, everybody! ( laughter ) the guy who gave epstein that sweet deal has resigned in disgrace, but the question remains, how did epstein manage to get away with just a slap on the wrist in the first place? well, understand the out maybe it's because of how insanely connected he was.
>> the 66-year-old has paddle around with some of the most powerful in politics and business including president trump. in 2002, trump called epstein a terrific guy, adding it is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as i do, and many of them are on the younger side. >> reporting this morning suggesting closer times between the president and epstein, a 1992 party at mar-a-lago billed as a calendar girl competition. a florida businessman who organized it tells the times 30 people attended this party. 28 girls, mr. trump and mr. epstein. that's the entire party. >> trevor: 28 women in a room with donald trump and jeffrey epstein. doesn't sound like a party. it sounds like an escape the room. pull on his hair! see if it does something! and it's not just trump. turns out epstein has had powerful friends on both sides
of the aisle. >> mr. epstein was also friends with former president bill clinton. >> bill clinton's office released its own statement. president clinton knows nothing about the terrible crimes jeffrey epstein pleaded guilty to. >> clinton acknowledges he flew four times on epstein's private jet in 2002 and 2003. shante davis was a flight attendant on the jet known as the elite express because it allegedly shuttled underwaged girls between epstein's homes. she told inside edition clinton did nothing improper on those trips. she said she made him peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know, i'm glad the news got her to reenact the making of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, just so we all foe what that looks like. that was nice. ( laughter ) clearly, this was a man who had a lot of connections. it night explain how he got away with those heinous crimes for so
long and, with these new charges being filed against him, many are wondering who he might bring down with him. over the coming weeks, the story is going to unfold. there's a good chance a lot of questions are going to be answered like how exactly epstein made all of his money, which is shady. which powerful people were involved in his sex ring and, most importantly, why his front door is so goddam big. ( laughter ) there are so many mysteries this trial will hopefully uncover and, you know what? if we don't get the answers, i'm going to start a facebook group where 1 million of us march and we figure out what the hell is going on. ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back! ♪ ♪ oh, pete!?! c'mon man. what? we said pantyhose right? here, eat this... creamy snickers®. you could use a little smoothness. pete? pete zagorin? get smooth with the fresh-ground nut butters in new creamy snickers®.
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always go to the beach and swim in a sea of syringes. and love is in the air because of all the subway master mastur. when i thought new york couldn't get better -- >> a blackout history, a major section of new york city grinding to a halt as 40 blocks go dark. >> mass confusion in manhattan minutes after a light switched off the city's lights. from above, you could see the shadow of the skyline. the billboards went black. >> trevor: one of america's largest cities was cast into darkness, even times square went completely black. and i don't know if you've seen a dark times squire, but it is terrifying. ( laughter ) i saw it and i felt like at any second a face was going to show up on the screen -- citizens, prepare to be to be probed!
it was likely creepy. for me, this blackout was double terrifying because for the fourth of july, i went to california and, while i was there, a earthquake hit. i was, like, that was scary. a few days later another earthquake hit. one is bad enough. the second one feels like it's trying to fin you you have. i was shaking, like, i'm, sorry, mother! i was, like, i can't do earthquakes, i'm flying back to new york. then the blackout hits. at that point i was, like, trump can tell me to go back where i came from and i'm ready, i'll go. ( laughter ) when the power went out, mayor bill de blasio wasn't here because he was in iowa campaigning to be president, which is a shame because we could have used him in new york not as mayor, but as a lighthouse just to help us see everything.
even though the mayor wasn't there, new yorkers stepped up to do their part. >> after the sun set, manhattan's west side was about pitch black. people kept their flashlights close, businesses and apartments were in the dark. some delis and restaurants were trying to serve customers with flashlights and "hell's kitchen" residents passed time on the stoops, too hot to be in the apartments without the ac. some pedestrians stepped in to direct traffic. >> trevor: see, that's what new yorkers do, baby! ( cheers and applause ) they help out during a crisis, huh?! ( applause ) basically, new yorkers are doing every policeman's job, directing traffic, checking in on old people. except for the one person who tried to take over a hostage negotiation -- don't worry, i got this, hey, tough guy, shoot one to let them know you're serious, let's see!
( laughter ) even broadway actors made the best out of the blackout. >> how do you handle things when the lights go out on broadway? the cast of several musicals took their act to the streets during saturday night's blackout in manhattan. ( singing ) >> trevor: see, you've got to love broadway, man. the show must go on! ( cheers and applause ) that's real talent. because the power also went out at the movie theaters. at amc. did you see john wick come out of the screen and kick people's asses in real life? no, but couldn't stop broadway. the singers came out, the thespians outside, and the cast of the lion king brought their performance to life in the streets by malling seven people to death. likely inspiring. plus we got a new life hack, people of us who live in new york and visit, if you can't afford tickets to "hamilton,"
cut the power and you get a show for free. everyone just comes outside. ( applause ) thankfully, after three hours, the power came back on, but even though no one was hurt, this blackout might be a sign of something a lot more ominous. >> while investigators don't believe foul play was involved in saturday, national security experts say the blackout should serve as a wakeup call. >> national security experts are very concerned that this country's power grid is vulnerable to a viber attack. >> complex systems that have been put in place and built upon over many years, there are going to be vulnerabilities. our adversaries know what the vulnerabilities are and they will look to exploit them. >> trevor: that's right, another reminder america's power grid is vulnerable, and we don't know if that's what caused this blackout, but it is a little suspicious that it was on the air varies of the 1977 major -- anniversary of the 1977 major blackout.
maybe this was a coincidence or malfunction or maybe a hostile foreign power was trying to hack america. yeah. if they've done it once, they can do it again and again. so, russia, if you're listening, i will be outside "hamilton" next thursday. you guys know what to do. ( applause ) we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) you got your homework? yeah. yeah? hey, give me a kiss. [ kisses ] announcer: what's the role of a car company? go! announcer: to take your kids to and from school? mari... yes? what are you doing? don't forget your science project. announcer: we think it can be something bigger. announcer: this summer, during our drive bigger event, announcer: volkswagen is supporting america's teachers. announcer: join us, announcer: and drive something bigger than yourself. ♪ oh, pete!?!
just because i felt like it was so oily and greasy. but with olay regenerist whip spf 25, it's so lightweight. i love it. i'm busy philipps, and i'm fearless to face anything. ♪ they say we're ♪ we say playful's never done ♪ don't fight the feeling just let it flow ♪ ♪ stack it up, rack it up, let it go ♪ ♪ i got a secret the world should know ♪ ♪ let's stay playful, oreo ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a fashion icon who pioneered high-end streetwear catering to gangsters, athletes and musicians. his new memoir is called "dapper dan: made in harlem." please welcome dapper dan! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the
show. >> thank you, thank you for having me. >> trevor: i'm so excited to have you here because i remember the first time i heard your name was in a rap song. i remember rappers would rap about being laced up by dapper dan. people would talk about the threads from dapper dan, styled by dapper dan. it was an idea and a myth. now when people see you today, they go the suits, they see you dressing people at the met gala and they think this man's a fashion designer, but you didn't start at the normal place. you started making something out of nothing as a hustler. >> yeah, exactly. i started with nothing. i was, like, um, you would probably say you was born in crime, i was born in crime. >> trevor: wow, right. yeah, so i had to adjust to life, so i used the tools that was available to me. when i wanted to open up a store, nobody would sell to me. so i said, you know what? i'm going to figure out how to do this myself. i'm going to learn how to make
fabric and do everything the big boys do and do it bet that are thain do it. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: you really did something i don't think anybody thinks is possible. i don't think anyone has achieved this in the same way you've done it. you know those very fancy fendi outfits? you know these designer clothes where you see the labels everywhere on it, like louis vuitton, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, fendy, fendi, fendi? a lot of people don't know that was him. but you came along and created a street version of what the high-end people were making. you made your own version of these brands which became bigger than the brands for many black people. >> what they called me is the father of logo mania. i looked at the brand and said, wow, everybody is excited about the logos, but gucci is not make jackets, fendi is not making
jackets, none of these guys are making jackets and outfits. i said, how, if they're excited about the brand, imagine if i could make them look like the luggage. >> trevor: you're at a blais where you're seen as a trendsetter. you teamed up with these fashion houses. you work with gucci who have said we want to create with you. you were part of the conversation where gucci came out of the designs where backlash was on social media. >> yeah. >> trevor: why did you work on gucci when they -- >> i did a lot of research even before i got into the partnership, and i researched alexander the lead designer and marco the c.e.o., and i know these men were genuine. i said what happened? they said, i don't know. shoot him by accident or on purpose here, dead. i said, you've got to come to harlem and explain to the
people. they came. we have a program whereby gucci will put money into different programs and we have inclusivity. it's a change-makers program. what we're starting here with gucci, we need to move that on to other brands. >> trevor: what do you think you want to see change in the future in fashion now that dapper dan has name and clout? >> what i would really like to see is culture is what moves fashion. this hip-hop culture went global. >> trevor: right. if the culture can go global, why can't the representatives of the culture go global as well? that's what i advocate for. i advocate for more people who make a contribution to the culture that enables these brands to make money to be inclusive today. >> trevor: right, make the money. it's an exciting book. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: "dapper dan: made in harlem" is available now. dapper dan, everybody! we'll be right back!
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