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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  September 10, 2019 11:00pm-11:35pm PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! i'm loving it! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is president of microsoft, here with a new book about "the promise and perils of the digital age" -- brad smith is joining us! ( cheers and applause ) also tonight's show, someone is trying to kill simba, your phone sucks now, and someone is leaving the white house -- but it's not who you hope. so let's catch up on today's
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headlines. let's kick it off with the big news of the day. no modern president has lost as many cabinet officials or senior advisors in their entire first term as trump has in his first 30 months. it's a record, and now he's just running up the score. >> major anational monument today by president trump on twitter that he has fired his national security advisor john bolton. this is the tweet, "i informed john bolton last night that his services are no longer needed at the white house. i disagreed strongly with many of his suggestions as did other in the administration, and, therefore, i asked john for his resignation, which was give ton me this morning ." >> trevor: that's right, trump has fired john bolton as his national security advisor. really, it's no surprise because bolton was just too hawkish to trump. his solution to every situation was bombs. what do you think about north korea? bombs! what do you with iran?
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bombs! what do you get mike pence for secret santa? bombs! yo, yo! you need to leave, man! ( laughter ) by the way, bolton was the third national security advisor trump has pushed out. it's amazing america's unemployment numbers are so low considering trump fired half to have country. ( laughter ) john bolton is out and to mark the occasion his mustache was lowered to half mast. a very sad day for the nation. ( cheers and applause ) now in a normal white house, a transition like this would be presented very smoothly, but because donald trump is a messy bitch who lives for drama, things are going down a little differently. >> president trump says he asked for his resignation but bolton is pushing back. he says he offered to resign last night. >> john bolton just texted me just now, he's watching. >> can you read it? >> yeah, he said "let's be here, i resigned." i said, do you mind if i say that while you were talking?
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he wrote "yes." john bolton just texted me, he said "i resigned." >> trevor: shit just got real. trump says he fired bolton but bolton said, no, i quit and you're trying to take credit for me quitting. this actually makes me wish hurricanes could talk. so hurricane dorian could have clapped back at trump last week, dorian is totally going to hit alabama, bitch, i was going nowhere near alabama, but keep talking, i'll come over there and blow that weave right off your head. ( laughter ) with bolton gone, the question is who will be the next to leave? nobody knows. but it was sure weird today when trump fired bolton, melania tried to sneak out with him. he was, like, oh, no, so sad to be sphierd, i am also going. ( laughter ) some technology news, if you just bought a brand-new iphone today, you're stupid. >> apple unveiling its latest
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set of iphones today, iphone 11, iphone 11 pro and iphone 11 pro max. apple unveiling watch 5 and tv streaming service. the service will be available in november for $499. >> trevor: apple is not messing around. they've already taken over phones, now watches, launching tv shows, they're trying to take over video games. next year popeyes, they'll come out with a chicken sandwich. it's so delicious, i just wish the battery lasted longer. ( laughter ) of course, the big product this year is the iphone 11, which also comes in pro and pro max, which i think used to be called plus and xs -- i think. it's horrible for consumers to keep up with and will mess up how kids learn to count. yeah, it's like, seven, eight, 10s, 10r, 11 pro. what comes after that?
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you're going to have to wait till next year. ( laughter ) oh, and the highlights of the latest iphone is that it now has three cameras, which is super advanced because, you see, the top and the side lens combine separate angles to take the best composite photo and the bottom lens takes a picture of how you really look and it's, like, oh, you nasty. the headlines, let's move on to the top story. ( cheers and applause ) since donald trump became president, there have been a few major policies that have defined his time in office -- immigration, trade tariffs and, of course, his push to add colonel sanders to the supreme court. ( laughter ) but there's another set of trump's policies that haven't likely gotten as much attention and it has to do with killing animals. >> the trump administration has lited an obama era ban on importing trophies from
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elephants killed in two african countries. >> the trump administration says it will issue a permit to a michigan to havey hunter to import the skin, and horns. >> the council has been replaced by mostly trophy hunters. >> we no the two trump sons were big game hunters, that they're fans to have the sport. >> trevor: donald trump has made it much easier for people to hunt endangered animals in africa, which i guess for him is a total win win, right? first he gets to reverse something obama did, which he loves, and secondly, it means two of his least favorite children will be spending more time on the other side of the world. trump is, like, have fun in africa, boys. bye-bye! ( laughter ) by the way, i can't think of a more embarrassing way to die than being killed by don, jr. or eric trump. if i was a lion and they killed my husband, i would just lie about how it happened the lion
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would be, like, how did your husband tie? was it a sky diving accident? lions can skydive? no, apparently not. no. ( laughter ) and you may be asking, trevor, why is trophy hunting still even a thing in 2019? well, let's find out in another installment of if you don't know, now you know. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: for as long as white people have been colonizing africa, trophy hunting has existed as a way for them to bring home souvenirs. in a way, i feel like us africans are partly to blame. we should have had a gift shop. ( laughter ) we should have had a gift shop. but while these pictures may have gone to praise in the 19 huns, these days they generate outrage. >> in recent years the hunting of big cats has sent shock waves around the globe. >> outrage in this country over
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the killing of a beloved lion in zimbabwe by an american hunter. this photo from an african trophy hunt sparked outrage across the country. >> that same fire reignited when a trophy hunting couple posed kissing over the corpse of a lion they had just slain. >> trevor: i'm sorry, man. this is just disgusting. you killed an animal for fun and then you make out next to its dead body? is this like a fetish? no, i honestly wonder this. is this like a thing just for lions or do they do this every time there's a dead animal. every time they see road kill on the highway, is this couple just, like, honey pull over, i'm so turned on right now. ( laughter ) it's also disrespectful. imagine if it happened the other way around. like at a family funeral all of a sudden two lions popped out and started humping at your dad's coffin. you wouldn't be happy with that. and what's interesting about
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trophy hunting is that we all assume people do it because they don't care about the animals, but according to the hunting community, they do this because they care too much. >> i know it sounds contradictory, but hunters love animals. >> hunters are the ones giving so much back to preserving these wild species. >> a lot of people talk about conservation but hunters are the real conservationists. >> everybody thinks that the easiest part is pulling the trigger and that the the hardest part. but you gain so much respect and appreciation for that animal -- >> trevor: wow, that's one hell of a way to show your appreciation and respect. imagine if your boss called you into his office and said, johnny, i want to let you know how much i appreciate and respect your hard work and that's why it's my privilege -- ( laughter ) by the way, did you notice how that other woman arranged her lions? like did you see that? i don't care if you hunt or not, that's just creepy. it looks like she shot the lions and then said, make it look like they're about to have sex, and
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then make that deer look like it's watching. ( laughter ) now, oh, another argument trophy hunters use is they're actually getting rid of the slower, weaker animals who are holding back the rest of the herd. but that might not be the full story. >> trophy hunters kill some of the biggest, most magnificent animals which is bad for the health of the species because genes may no longer be passed on to future generations. >> by taking those guys out of the gene pool, it weakens the genes of the entire population. so over the last 0 years, the average size of a male lion has dropped specifically because of trophy hunting. >> despite what they say, trophy hunters actually like to target the strongest specimens, which i don't support but honestly i understand. it's called trophy hunting for a reason. you want it to look like you battled as an fa male to the death! not like you snuck into its
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nursing home and smothered one of the lions with a pillow, like, shhhh! go to sleep, car, go to sleep! ( laughter ) this is the one time in the animal kingdom where it pays to be out of shape. one fat assed lion, who's laughing now, no one asked me to the prom but at least i'm not in the picture with don, jr., ha ha! ( laughter ) one of the main arguments trophy hunters give is their hobby helps local villages, but upon closer inspection, that's not necessarily true. >> critics question whether countries that promote trophy hunts manage that money properly. >> the 2013 report found that just 3% of hunting revenue ends up in local communities. >> in system ba zimbabwe, corrud bloated democracy promote money for those in need. >> how much money is the community getting? >> nothing, absolutely nothing. >> trevor: the truth, is
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unfortunately, the money from these hunts doesn't go to these communities. oftentimes, it stays at the top with the people who run the trophy hunting game. to be honest, most of these claims don't add up for me because another thing hunters love to say zits not just the money, they say their hunting provides meat for the local villagers. yeah, because apparently, before the white hunters came, all afternoonens could do was just look at the animals. afternoonens would say, oh, look at the meat inside that buffalo. huh? if only there was a way to get inside it. i guess we'll have to wait for the white man to show up. one day, huh? one day! ( laughter ) that's trophy hunting in a nutshell. as weak as the arguments may seem, there will always be people who think it's a good things, which made us think if it's working so well for africa maybe we should let america enjoy the benefits. >> dear america for the past two decades you have come to america
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to shoot our animals and you say you do this to help us we are so grateful we want to return the favor. you see all these stray dogs and cats running across your country? i'm going to kill them! that's right, as part of a new program, rich africans will pay to hunt stray dogs an cats in america, and for every dog we shoot, a portion of the profits will go to american communities! up. >> up to 3%! >> and i know what you're thinking. what about my pets? >> i'm going to kill them, too! >> yes, pets that have reached old age will also be hunted by rich africans. no longer watch fluffles struggle to climb the stairs, instead he will be shot and mounted in a nigerian's man cave! the best part, after we shoot the dog, we will donate the carcass so no more american children go without school lunch! it's a win win! >> oh, what a cute dog, you get
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a head start! ( barking ) >> oh, i'm going to kill it. >> trevor: you're we canal, america. roy wood, jr., we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) hey, you wanna shoot me one? steady the elbow. ♪
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." ( cheers and applause ) technology, it's all around us. we spend most of our waking hours into acting with it, but could it get worse? could technology end up inside us? well dulce sloan reports. >> i'm here in wisconsin, land of beer, cheese and real-life youtopian technology that will control your every move. >> a wisconsin based marked announced plans to install a microchip in its employees. >> this company is shoving microchip in its employees and this is spreading worldwide. >> in sweden, thousands already have microchip implants they use in daily lives. >> i'm going to put a harriet tubman and freeze white people.
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i had to put an end to this evil technology. the removal wouldn't be pretty, luckily i spent a summer working as an unlicensed proctologist. hey! bend over! i'm here to swipe your chip. >> what are you talking about? >> the chip they put in you, i'm going to take it out. >> i volunteered. >> what?! who else volunteered to get this chip? even you, black dude? come on, man! so i sat face to face for the man responsible of running a company of chipped employees. >> trevor: so where exactly is this chip implanted? >> it's right there. >> trevor: that's not where i thought y'all put it. >> where did put it? >> not important. how did you brainwash them? >> we thought we could do something to literally change the world. i can literally with a swipe of
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the hand do anything. you can start your car with it. make payments, unlock doors. >> i have been able to unlock doors my whole life. >> i just go like this, it's easier. >> don't you think you're helping people become more lazy? i swipe everything. i swipe on my phone to meet these mens, i pay with my phone, why do i need a chip in my hand. >> i won't forget my hand. >> we've all been a wood chipper, too close to an industrial fan. >> what if i could save your life? let's say you have a heart issue, diabetes, dementia, a senior citizen to give them the peace of mind that at all times i know where they are and we can look at their vital signs. >> that's life alert! the lady has fallen, can't get up, push the button, somebody come get me. >> but if the person passed out, they won't be able to push the button. >> while an excellent point, i'm not fully convinced. this is the only chip i want in
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my body, patrick. so good. >> just wait till you see what it can do. >> what can it do? you can buy snacks with a scan of your hand. holy shit it works! now i know this chip initially scared the hell out of me. go! seeing it in action, it's a game changer. how do i get me one of these? >> so basically we'll just clean it with a prep stick and what i'll do, when i'm ready, i'll push it in, insert the chip, pull it out, put the cap back on and we're done. >> give me one! i was entering a new life where anything was possible. like swiping right and left on men in real life. having doors open for me. this was the future. but according to tech journalists ian sure, i made a big mistake. >> there's a lot of stuff we need to think about where this is going and what could happen as a result of it. >> let me tell you how my life has changed since i've gotten my chip. get snacks with a wave of my
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hand. i can start a car, as soon as i buy a car. all of this is great, you get on board. >> that may be the case but whenever you put a foreign object into your body, it can be dangerous. >> not all objects. ( wink ) think ouch time i save. in 20 years, i probably saved five to eight minutes. >> my point is that you have to actually take it out if you want to take it out. >> i never thought about removing it! would this be like the 127 hour situation? that's what you get for hiding by yourself james franco. what about the worst, worst case scenarios? >> people could go to extreme lengths to get your information and you could get charged for stuff you didn't intend to buy. this is hackable, people could steal your information. you may not even know when it's being accessed or for what. people will be able to track you. people are crazy. someone could cut your hand off to use your chip, because it's implanted, you can't get away from it. >> oh, my god!
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this is the worst episode of black mir ever and i saw the one with the pig. stealing people's ships, you got to lose your hand and your car. worst of all, you think you're just dancing but you're buying items you put in your shopping cart when you were drunk! maybe this will be the normal of the future and everyone will have a chipped hand, but right now i'm not ready to be straked or hacked. i have to get rid of this thing. jesus! aaahhh! aaahhh! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: dulce sloan, everybody. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) (mom vo) we fit a lot of life
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snow leopards are almost impossible to find, with ai we can protect what we can't see. but we need to know where they are, because they are threatened. our camera traps allow us to have and eye in the mountains, taking thousands of pictures. microsoft ai scans through all these images, and separates snow leopards from everything else, in ten minutes instead of ten days. it gives us time to do better research, and save this threatened species.
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try my free chocolate cake with a 10 piece meal. but i wanna pay for it! but it's free coach! but i wanna pay for it!! but its free. my whole life i have paid for chocolate cake! get a free chocolate cake with a 10 piece meal at kfc get a free chocolate cake [ gurgling ] [ gasps ] he's not dangerous. -what? i will make sure you get home. are you crazy? it's 2,000 miles away. you can do magic? [ gurgling ] there are people looking for you. everest! i promised to take everest home and he's not home yet. [ screaming ] this is amazing! this is impossible. -whoa! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the president of microsoft and the co-author of the new book "tools and weapons: the promise and the peril of the digital age," please welcome brad smith.
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( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to the show. >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: let's jump straight into it. tools and weapons, the promise and the peril of the digital age, that really sounds like the two extremes of how people think about technology, tools and weapons. why tid you choose that title? >> well, it is because that is exactly what digital think about it as a tool. we use it in our daily lives. artificial intelligence will probably help us find a cure for cancer. >> trevor: right. >> but at the same time, think about the challenges for our privacy, the threats to security, think about the future. we need to think about both sides of the equation, and fundamentally, i think we need to recognize across the tech sector that if your technology changes the world, you have to step up, you have to assume a responsibility to help address the world you've helped to create. >> trevor: it seems like tech is everything and what's interesting in the book is how you break it down into different
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spheres. for instance you talk about a.i. and the ethics of a.i. at microsoft you are getting into a.i. now but do you think a.i. has the potential to become evil or is that just something people say to scare us from moving into the future? >> any tool can be turned into a weapon -- a broom can be used to sweep the floor or hit you over the head -- >> trevor: that's my mom, yes. ( laughter ) >> think now of any tool that's so much more powerful. we're empowering machines to make decisions that throughout history could only be made by people. >> trevor: right. >> so if we don't develop now the kinds of ethical principles needed to guide this, then we should be worried about where technology is going to go, so the time to be up front and to confront this reality is early and that's what me and many others are trying to do. >> trevor: what's interesting about governments getting involved in tech is whether they like it or not, tech is going to get involved in governments. you know, we've seen around the world countries like
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north korea, countries like russia building up weapons that they used to hack into different countries, you know, whether it's their power grids, their nuclear reacts, whether it's their elections. when you look at how countries can protect themselves, a, is it possible and, b, is enough being done in the u.s.? >> i think the things that should worry us the most is potential tamping of voting, especially voting machines that are 15 years old. imagine what it would be like next november to find that someone is elected president with, say, three states where the votes were close, and then imagine if we woke up a week later and found that a foreign government had hacked voting machines and some of the votes cast had never been cast at all by americans. >> trevor: right. and we couldn't put it back together. that would be a disaster to our social order and, so, the time to really try to bring people together across political parties, to bring tech companies
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together with people in government is now, not a week after our elections go off the rails. >> trevor: you do pivot in the book to talk about the tools, and one of the major areas you speak on is rural broadband. why is that such a major issue in your eyes. people don't think of rural areas and not having or having broadband. why do you think that's such a big deal? >> i think it's so much bigger than we recognize as a country because we get out to these rural communities, and the first thing you remember is that really broadband is like electricity to the 21s 21st century, what it means for education, healthcare, increasingly what it means for businesses, and, so, we go out to these communities where unemployment rates are lying, where people feel left behind, and then you realize they feel left behind because, in many ways, they are. until you bring broadband, you can't bring jobs, and until you can bring jobs, you can't bring hope. so if we actually want to bring this country back together, you
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have to think about how we can use technology as a tool to help us solve some of the biggest problems that really confront us. >> trevor: well, luckily, there's a man in the white house who doesn't listen to any advice. thank you so much for joining us on the show. ( cheers and applause ) "tools and weapons" is available now, a fascinating look at the world of tech. brad smith, everybody. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪
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there's brushing and there's oral-b power brushing. oral-b just cleans better. it's the one inspired by dentists... with the round brush head. oral-b's gentle rounded brush head removes more plaque along the gumline... for cleaner teeth and healthier gums. oral-b. brush like a pro. there's a lot of stuff michael follows online. then he tried tostitos scoops and salsa... and he started following them in real life. no! ♪ and kept following... ♪ everywhere. ♪ wow, okay. boundaries, michael, boundaries. hey, mike. sup.
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oh! tostitos. get together already. >> trevor: that the our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. "lights out with david spade" is coming up next. but first, here it is... your moment of zen. ( sweet music ) >> i'm really going to miss you, hair! >> not as much as i'll miss you! >> no one understands me like you. >> and you for me! >> we'll always have north korea. ( weeping )
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( cheers and applause ) ♪ is national tv dinner day. if you're eating a tv dinner while watching this show, i just want to say, she's not coming back. [laughter] [applause and cheering] ♪ >> announcer: amazing! >> david: whatever! >> announcer: you're still fat. and now, david spade! [applause and cheering] ♪ [ captioning sponsored by comedy central applause and cheering] >> david: yeah! [applause and cheering] [applause and cheering] >> david: welcome, everybody! today we've got bhad bhabie, donnell rawlings and guy branum on the panel. [applausch


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