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tv   White House Correspondents Dinner  CSPAN  May 1, 2018 3:55am-5:11am EDT

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>> c-span, where history unfolds daily. as a79, c-span was created public service by america's cable television companies and today we continue to bring you unfiltered coverage of congress, the white house, the supreme court, and public policy events in washington dc and around the country. c-span is brought to you by your cable or satellite provider. >> now the 2018 white house correspondents dinner. president trump did not attend. comedian michelle wolf headlined the event. is thet tollefson president of the white house correspondents association.
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ladies and gentlemen, a surprise appearance by the president or at least a president. ♪ >> will president trump risk standing at a urinal? >> i'm the president of the white house correspondents association. i want to see if you plan on attending our annual dinner. i've look pretty thin-skinned if i didn't show up so i men. but only if i get two scoops of
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ice cream big enough to fit in a shovel and i can use jeff bezos as my napkin. >> president trump will attend the white house correspondents dinner. breaking fox news alert, we can confirm chris hayes stole his glasses from a child on a teeter totter. >> can you believe the fake media invited me to the correspondents dinner? >> are you sure you don't want me to go in your place? they love me and my reese witherspoon like southern charm. >> of course i am going, what am i going to do? hold a rally to harden my ego to watch it before i step off stage? >> i would be honored if you wore my clothing. >> shepard smith is going to be there? i can't believe some lucky lady hasn't snatched him up. >> to truly understand the white house correspondents dinner, you have to understand where the journalists and attendants sit. tables.
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table didn't always look like this. here is a table from 1415 bc, looks similar to what we used today. flattop, leggy things. we will get deeper into tables later. let's talk about what made them possible, the big bang. >> welcome to the white house correspondents dinner. >> it's donald j. trump, a source code -- or as you know me, a source close to the president. a lot of people complained washington is a bunch of white guys talking to an audience who agrees with him, but i like america. where is the sinclair media table? right here, >> almighty trump. >> the tribune mergers going through. tonight, we are here to honor some great people. for example, maggie haberman. remember that lunch at the trump grill. you got the scoop on my presidential bid. i got the bacon cheeseburger.
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and i licked the catchup lid. >> where did we go wrong? >> was it when i called you a hillary flunky? stop pretending your integrity, you work with bret stephens. there is only so much a recipe is simple can do. i have already lost him and i can't lose you. congratulations to tonight's honorees. i look forward to locking you up in the coming years. [applause] >> ladies and gentlemen, please welcome correspondents association president margaret tollefson.
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>> thank you. good evening, everyone. to those of you in this room and watching across america, welcome to the white house correspondents dinner. [applause] in this room, we are republicans and democrats, people of all classes, races, religion, and gender self identifications. my name is margaret tollef, i am senior white house correspondent for bloomberg news, and a cbs contributor, i am proud to serve as your president of the white house correspondents association. before we get too far, i would like to thank our cartoon president, and stephen colbert for getting us warmed up tonight. >> i think i can speak for all of us when i say we are sending our
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best thought to former president george h.w. bush tonight. [applause] he was a repeat guest at our dinner, he has been recovering after the passing of barbara bush. his wife of 73 years. i was listening to old tapes of monologues, one of my favorite was when he was talking about dana carsey's impersonation of him. if you remember, president bush had taken this phone call from someone he thought was the iranian president, but it wasn't. that theyner he joked do's impression was so good, he asked him to phone him and say it was george bush. but dana said it wouldn't be prudent.
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if you are watching, we are thinking of you. i would also like to ignore knowledge of our student scholarship at award winners. this night is about you, what you have accomplished, and what is yet to calm. yesterday, we held a luncheon for the scholars and paired them up with mentors and we had a visit from house speaker paul ryan. he spoke about the role of journalism and the next generation of journalists, then this happened. the u.s. president, the one who has called journalists the enemy of the american people, welcome to the scholars to the white house. he and his team rolled out the red carpet. in the midst of this visit by the german chancellor, they gave them on insider's glimpse at the back room passageways of the white house.
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the china room, the diplomatic room, took them outside, lined them up on the stairs with that view of the south lawn. then they were invited to meet with the president. the president and vice president went to each scholar hand by hand, greeted them, who are you, where do you go to school? the president asked if they were sure they wanted to become journalists. then he praised journalism as a great profession and asked how quickly they can get to work so they can kick us out and replace us. after the president left, i asked how the students felt. a group of them responded with one answer, they said that was surreal. we nodded because we knew the feeling. tonight is an important night for everybody who cares about good journalism. we are all here because we cherish the first amendment. we love the news and believe in the powers of reporting to raise
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up and better the lives of all people, that includes coverage of the white house to be sure, and threats like international terrorism or russian internet -- election interference. it also applies to local stores across the country. it applies to how we cover natural disasters, school shootings, the u.s. gymnastics pilots tohey -- and pull off amazing disaster landings and save people on board. news is sometimes happy, sometimes funny and heartwarming, it is often heartbreaking, critical, or makes you angry. we reject efforts by anyone especially our elected leaders , to paint journalism as an american -- unamerican. trusts between reporters -- [applause] >> or to cast out on the relevance of facts and truth in the modern age. any attack on a journalist is an attack on us all. [applause]
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>> this isn't about the business of protecting journalism as a business. our business has done very well in the last couple of years. this is about protecting a pillar of american democracy. the public servants champion the first american -- amendment, and defend it at home, and proclaim and overseas because they know that helps democracy and freedom take root in places where violence, oppression, and fear give birth to terrorism and oppression. -- and corruption. i want to ask for a moment of silence for journalists around the world who were killed for doing their job. i would also like to make a special mention of our colleague austin ties, kidnapped , in syria in 2012. if you are somehow watching, there are a lot of people working to bring you home. i would also like to remember
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some longtime veteran white house correspondents that we have lost to age or illness in the past year. for decades we have invited a cross-section of people from public and private lives to celebrate these ideals, freedom of speech, freedom of the press. we also took our act on the road, creating a new program with presidential library to connect with more americans outside the beltway. we began with truman library in independence, missouri. and we were met with a full house. next month will be at the reagan library in california. if anybody happens to be out there, we welcome you to join us. also mention that thanks to the board and especially to zeke miller, we have a new and fantastic website live just a few hours ago. the new address is whca.press. we look forward to delivering to all of you in that website for months to come.
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u.s. presidents have attended this dinner nearly every year since calvin coolidge. that is a tradition we believe will withstand the currents of time. tonight we welcome white house press secretary sarah sanders to the head tables represent the minister nation. thank you for being here. [applause] we really appreciate your participation and ongoing work with our members to help us cover the white house and help americans see their government in action, thank you. i also want to welcome, you may recognize her from a scene in the oval office. her and her husband were arrested by egyptian authorities and imprisoned for three years. she was free last year after sustained media coverage and the sustained campaign of u.s. political candidates and the current administration. her husband is in the audience
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with us, also continuing to advocate for the release of others. they strongly believe it was the press coverage that shed a spotlight on their situation and helped build the leverage for their release. welcome home. [applause] of course we have with us michelle wolf. we would hear from you later. i would also like to call out all of my fellow board members. you will see me later this year and we will do a terrific job -- job. steve bomar, new executive director, has brought his passion for white house coverage to the job. no one can ever replace joel, but we ourselves -- we are so thrilled to have steve aboard.
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hc attorneye, the w who does an amazing job for us. thank you. i would also like to thank the staff of the washington hilton, all of you. you treat us like family, we couldn't do this without you, we appreciate it so much. [applause] in our audience we welcome many ambassadors from around the world who care about press freedoms. from around the world, including more than a dozen in the audience, the u.k., israel, the ambassador from bulgaria, which is a pretty cool thing for me. i'm a half bulgarian girl. thank you for joining us. [applause] we welcome representatives of some of the leading free speech and journalism advocacy groups in the nation with us tonight. and some of american baseball
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greats who joined us. i don't know whether you had a chance to find some of them, thank you for your support. we also welcome many members of the trump administration. thank you for being here. and we welcome the leadership of the white house historical association. several presidential historians representatives from the and university of maryland in college park who we selected allow partners this year to build our ties. this is an incredible project, i have been working on it for a few years. we are thrilled to bring this live. there are some other people in the room who i would love to mention. because, as our president says, it takes a village. in all seriousness, please stand and remain standing if you are a past president of the white house correspondents association. [applause]
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a current member of the white house correspondents association or the white house press corps. [applause] if you are a true journalist. [applause] please stand if you served in the current administration, or congress, or elected office anywhere in this country. [applause] please stand if you serve in the military, if you run a business, or work for a business, if you come from hollywood, if you are a teacher, police officer, if you are a person who cares about freedom and the truth. [applause]
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>> i would also like to thank my editors starting with john mikel flight. with all of the white house team and everyone else in the bloomberg newsroom. given to methey've and the news organization of the past six years. i will be back to work soon, i promise. to thank my dear family and friends and loved ones who are here to support me tonight. to my girls, i'm proud of you both. finally there are two people i want to thank from the great beyond, my parents.
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they escaped because they feared for the future. they came to the u.s. because america welcome -- welcome then. they were captivated by the drive insult determination. my father was a george h.w. bush republican and my mother was a democrat and they disagreed about a lot. i became a journalist in large part because of those debates that unfolded at the dining room table each night. but one thing they agreed on was that what has always made america great is the ability to
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disagree publicly. to have facts and make informed arguments and counter arguments for whatever the subject might be, to speak your mind without fear of beatings or death, or seizure of assets. journalism gives us the information to do that. my father risked everything to come to this country because of our ideals, and for him the first amendment might have been the most important of all. as i see it, it is my job to do all i can to live up to that legacy and preserve it. thank you. [applause]
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please turn your attention back to the video screens. ♪ >> good evening, everyone. paul ryan here. i am sorry the organization decided against my idea to have the dinner in janesville this year. i'm not able to be with you at the dinner tonight. instead, jana and i will be freshening up my linkedin page. , 1991 at tortilla coast to 1994. i am looking forward to figuring out whatever is next for me, but i'm going to miss sparring with
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the press every day. in fact, boredom is probably my biggest worry for life after congress. luckily, boehner texted me yesterday and told me he had something that helps him chill out, something to do with grass. i don't really know. anyway, i just wanted to say quick word to congratulate the young men and women receiving scholarships this evening. i was able to visit with them yesterday and it affirmed for me that the future of journalism is bright. my message to the next generation of reporters, know that what you do matters. there is so much noise out there that our republic does not work without an informed electorate. pay attention to the policy, not just the personalities. look at the human impact, not just the horse race.
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and challenge yourself to challenge us, those of us in public office, because what you do, it really matters. it provides transparency and accountability. done right, journalism cannot just inform but empower citizens. we don't always agree on what is right and what is fair, but that push and pull, that makes us both better. it creates a higher standard. it is part of the genius of this country and it will endure during turbulent times. tonight, i say cheers to the first amendment and again offer my congratulations to the scholarship winners. have a great night. [applause] speaker ryan, you will need
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to take a mandatory drug test. [applause] the cochairs of our fellowship committee. [applause] this year's scholars come from 11 universities across the country. >> we are happy to introduce them to you now. please hold your applause until all the scholars have been announced. from arizona state university, ariana booster. from columbia university, kiva ord. from grambling state, taylor davis, the recipient of the trust and reporting scholarship. from howard university, mike king, the recipient of the harry s maca p and scholarship.
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from iowa state university, mary coxe. from northwestern university, ricky zip. also from northwestern university, we in solana and jimmy hernandez. >> from the university of
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maryland, and from the university of missouri, alex derosier, jamie dunaway, rene , should sue lyn kim need a kathleen martin, miranda more, and rachel wagner. please join us in congratulating all the scholarship winners. [applause]
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>> i hope you will turn back to the video screen so you can hear her story. >> i am honored and happy to celebrate the freedom of the press with you here tonight. last april your freedom award helpsedom to do your work deliver me the freedom to walk out of prison and become like you, a free prison. for three years i was kept hidden behind high walls with barbed wire. i was told i would spend the rest of my life there with my husband and friends. how are you able to explain this journey to people? it was simple.
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kill truth, create alternate truth, and tell people i was a terrorist and human trafficker. say she and 60,000 people like her are terrorists, not democracy defenders, the regime was able to guard the secret for years. i am not a terrorist, but a social activist. seven years ago, i flew to cairo to carry with me the values of humanity, freedom and pursuit of happiness. i helped clean garbage from neighborhoods and playgrounds, helped educate little girls and save little boys from being raped by older men on cold, winter nights. if you ask how was i freed, the answer is truth. if people bravely and defiantly commit to it, we will break the chains. fearless activists continued to write about me on social media. my husband lovingly handed me flowers and took a picture on
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valentine's day and disseminated it to the world. how did egypt's most famous couples celebrate their valentines? the answer was behind bars. and then my dedicated friend and thousands of people wrote the newspaper and demanded to know, why is america leaving her to celebrate valentines behind bars. our president, mr. trump responded and said america is not leaving her. and here i am, a living testament of your power to bring freedom, a freedom that is so viciously fought throughout the world. one of your fellow journalists thousands of miles from here is alone tonight in his prison cell, instead of celebrating freedom of the press. he recently won the unesco freedom of press award because the dictator bestowed him with another title, terrorist.
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don't be surprised. dictators know that democracy dies in darkness. ast is why they deem you dangerous. that is why it is so important to stand together tonight and celebrate your work, so that you continue to shout out the truth. thank you, journalists, for bringing light, happiness and humanity to the world we share. we, the people around the world, need you. [applause]
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>> thank you for sharing your story. each year, our awards are decided by a panel of distinguished judges. i would like to ask olivier knox and jonathan karl to come up to the podium. [applause] >> good evening. first, the aldo beckman award for presidential news coverage that recognizes the correspondent who personifies qualities exemplified by aldo beckman, the award-winning journalist of the "chicago tribune." the award goes to maggie haberman. [applause]
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listen to the judges. maggie haberman's white house reporting shows her deep understanding of what makes president trump tick. having covered mr. trump for 20 years, she was able to trap that knowledge -- cap that knowledge to chronicle the first year of his presidency with rich detail and authoritative sourcing. she often conveyed the feel of being a fly on the wall of the white house. she shared the fruits of her reporting with others at the time. maggie could not be here tonight but doug mills of the new york times will accept the award in her stead. [applause]
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>> a quick shout out. brooks robinson is in the room tonight. brooks robinson. i'm from arkansas. the merriman smith award honors deadline pressure. the award is named after merriman smith, white house correspondent for more than 30 years. the merriman smith award for broadcast goes to evan perez, jim shootout, jake tapper and carl bernstein of cnn. [applause] these journalists and a number
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of other cnn reporters broke the story that the intelligence community had briefed president barack obama and president-elect donald trump that russia had compromising information about mr. trump. you remember that story. cnn then reported that fbi director james comey personally briefed president trump about the dossier. the judges called the reporting breaking news at its very best. [applause] [whistling]
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>> the merriman smith award for print goes to josh duffy. [applause] josh's story about the resignation of white house press secretary sean spicer grabs the reader from the opening sentence. duffy hustled to find a wide variety of sources and conveyed in the drama of the resignation and help the reader's attention. he reported details others said we did not have, beautifully reported and written, say the judges. [applause] i also congratulate chris johnson. where is chris? honorable mention for the merriman smith award, chris johnson of "the washington blade."
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>> honorable mention for the merriman smith broadcast award, lester holt of "nbc news." [applause] >> the edgar a. poe award honors excellence in news coverage of significant national or regional importance of the american people. it is in honor of edgar a. poe, longtime correspondent for the "new orleans times picayune." the edgar a. poe award goes for the report "shock tactic."
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the judges call the 18 month examination of taser-related deaths and litigation stunning, new and disturbing. the series involved impressive reporting from multiple angles, revealing the risks of a weapon that is not supposed to be lethal, but often is. the project, the judges said, is relevant to every community and stood out in a sea of powerful contenders. congratulations. [applause] and the honorable mention for
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the edgar a. smith award goes to "politico" for their reporting on tom price's private travel. [applause] margaret: to maggie and her husband and all of her family, we are thinking of you tonight. i would like to call to the stage the recipient of something called the president's award. it is only the second time we have done this.
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the point of the award is to recognize excellence in somebody who helps the members of our association succeed. martha kumar is director of the white house transition project, a board member of the white house historical association and is a scholar of the presidency. martha records and analyzes the relationship between journalists and the white house. if you don't know martha, you can't miss her, she is a compact force of nature with a shock of white hair, downstairs in the white house workplace with a pencil and a pad. she is regularly in the briefing room, always at the ready with statistics to give our stories context and depth. she is a treasure of the press corps and a bridge between the first draft of history that we do and what happens after that. martha, thank you for your important work and congratulations. [applause]
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margaret: the first time i saw michelle wolf stand up, i thought, what was that voice? the second time i just gave in and laughed. and at some point as a watched her i thought, the woman is actually saying a lot more in between the punchlines. michelle wolf grew up in pennsylvania, ran high school track and worked at bear stearns and j.p. morgan chase, because
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that is what a bloomberg reporter would pick. she has written for seth meyers and had a regular gig on trevor know what's show and has done well. that big hbo special last year, and right after we signed her for the dinner we find out she is going to be doing a netflix series. she is not really a political comedian by training, but of 2016 taught us anything is that we should be listening to more people outside of washington. and if 2017 taught us anything, that means women. [applause] so please welcome michelle wolf. [applause] michelle: this has been long.
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[laughter] good evening, good evening. here we are at the white house correspondents' dinner. like a porn and star says when she is about to have sex with trump, let's get this over with. i'm going to skip the normal pleasantries. we are at a hilton, it is not nice. this is on c-span, no one watches that. trump is president, it is not ideal. the association, thank you for having me. the monk fish was fine. [laughter] and just a reminder to everyone, i am here to make jokes. i have no agenda. i am not trying to get anything accomplished. everyone that is here from congress, you should feel right at home. [laughter] before we get too far, a lot of
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you might not know who i am. i am 32 years old, which is an odd age, 10 years too young to host this event and 20 years too old for roy moore. i know, he almost got elected, yes. it was fun. it was fun. [laughter] honestly, i never really thought i would be a comedian, but i did take an aptitude test in seventh grade and this is 100% true. it said my best profession was a clown or a mime. at first i picked clown and then i heard my voice and said, maybe mime. [laughter] as much as some of you might want me to, it is 2018 and i'm a woman so you cannot shut me up. unless you have michael cullen wire me $130,000.
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michael, you can find me under my porn star name, reince preibu , on venmo. thumbs up. gave a people are saying america is divided. we can agree it's a great time for craft stores. because of all the protests, poster board has been flying off the shelves faster than robert mueller can say, you have been subpoenaed. thanks to trump, pink yarn sales are through the roof. after trump got elected, women started knitting those pussy hats. when i first saw them i was like , that is a pussy?
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i guess mine has more yarn on it. you should have done more research before you asked me to do this. [laughter] there is a lot to cover tonight. there is a lot to go over. i can't get to everything. i know a lot of people want me to talk about russia and putin and collusion, but i am not going to do that because there is also a lot of liberal media here. and i have never really wanted to know what any of you look like when you orgasm. except for you, jake tapper. i bet it is something like this. okay, that is all the time we have. [applause] it is kind of crazy that the trump campaign was in contact with russia, when the hillary campaign wasn't even in contact with michigan.
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of course, trump is not here. if you haven't noticed, he is not here. i know, i would drag him here myself but the president of the united states is the one pussy you are not allowed to grab. he said it first. yes, he did. i know people really want me to go after trump tonight, but i think we should give the president credit when he deserves it. like, he pulled out of the paris agreement. i think he should get credit for that because he said he was going to pull out and then he did and that is a refreshing quality in a man. most of men are like, i forgot. i will get you next time. oh, there is going to be a next time? and people say romance is dead. [laughter] people call trump names all the time.
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look, i could call trump a racist or misogynist or incompetent or unstable or impotent, but he has heard all of those and he doesn't care. tonight, i am going to try to make fun of the president in a new way, in a way i think will really get him. mr. president, i don't think you are very rich. i think you might be rich in idaho, but in new york you are doing fine. trump is the only person who still watches "who wants to be a millionaire?" and thinks me. although i don't think you would get too far because after the third question he would say, i have to call "fox and friends." we are going to try a new thing. i'm going to say trump is so broke and you are going to say
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how broke is he? trump is so broke. >> how broke as he? michelle: he has to fluy in failed -- he has to fly in failed business class. trump is so broke, southwest used him as one of their engines. i know, it is so soon, it is so soon for that joke, why did she tell it, it is so soon. trump is so broke, he had to borrow money from the russians and now he is compromised and susceptible to blackmail and possibly responsible for the collapse of the republic. yay. it is a fun game. trump is racist, though. he loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a nazi. calling a nazi white nationalist is like calling a pedophile a
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kid friend, or harvey weinstein a ladies' man. that's not really fair, he also likes plants. trump is also an idea guy, he has got loads of ideas, you have got to love him for that. he wants to give teachers guns, and i support that because then they can sell them for things they need, like supplies. [applause] a lot of people want trump to be impeached. i do not, because just when you think trump is awful you remember mike pence. mike pence is what happens when anderson cooper isn't gay. mike pence is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks, mmm. mike pence is also very anti-choice. he thinks abortion is murder,
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which first of all, don't knock it until you try it. and when you do try it, really knock it, you have to get that baby out of there. you can groan all you want, i know a lot of you are very anti-abortion, you know, unless it is the when you got from your secret mistress. it is funny how values can waiver. but good for you. mike pence is a weirdo, though, he is a weird it little guy. he won't meet with other women without his wife present. people first heard that and thought, that's crazy, but now in the current climate they say, that is a good witness. that brings me to the me too movement, the reason why i am here. they are like, a woman is not going to jerk off in front of a
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bunch of people, right? enter that i say, don't count your chickens. i worked at a tech company and before that i worked on wall street, and i have never really been sexually harassed. that being said, i did work at bear stearns in 2008 and although i haven't in sexually harassed, i have definitely been fucked. the whole company went down on me without my consent. no one got in trouble for that either. things are changing. men are being held accountable. al franken was ousted, that one really hurt liberals but i believe it was the great ted kennedy who said, that is crazy, i murdered a woman. "chappaquiddick," in theaters now.
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i did have a a lot of jokes about cabinet members but i had to scrap all of those because everyone has been fired. you guys are going through cabinet members quicker than starbucks throws out black people. don't worry, they are having an afternoon. we just needed an afternoon. mitch mcconnell is not here tonight. he had a prior engagement. he is finally getting his neck circumcised. paul ryan also couldn't make it. he has already been circumcised. unfortunately, while they were down there, they also took his balls. by the way paul, great acting in that video. republicans are easy to make fun of. it is like shooting fish in a chris christie.
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i also want to make fun of democrats. democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don't do anything. [laughter] you think you might flip the house and senate this november but you guys always find a way to mess it up. you are somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named jeff pedophile, nazi dr. oh, he's a doctor? we should talk about women in the trump administration. there is kellyanne conway. man, she has the perfect last name for what she does. conway. it is like if my name was michelle -- jokes, frizzy hair, small tits. you have to stop putting kellyanne on your show. all she does is lie.
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if you don't give her a platform , she has nowhere to lie. it's like that old saying, if a tree falls in the woods, how do we get kellyanne under that tree? i'm not suggesting we put her -- not suggesting she gets hurt, i'm just suggesting that she get stuck. incidentally, a tree falling in the woods is a scott pruitt's definition of porn. we all have our kinks. ivanka was supposed to be an advocate for women but it turns out she is about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. she has done nothing to satisfy women. so i guess, like father, like daughter. you don't think he is good in bed? come on. ivanka does cleanup nice, though. she is the diaper genie of the administration. on the outside she looks sleek but the inside is still full of shit.
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of course we have sarah huckabee sanders. we are graced with sarah's presence tonight. i have to say i am a little starstruck. i loved you as aunt lydia in "the handmaid's tale." if you haven't seen it, mike pence, you would love it. every time sarah steps up to the podium, i get excited because i am really not sure what we are going to get. a press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. it is sharks and fins and this time don't be such a little bitch, jim acosta. i actually really like sarah. i think she is very resourceful. like, she burns fact and then
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she uses that to create a perfect smoky eye. maybe she was born with it, maybe it's lies. probably lies. sure what toreally call sarah huckabee sanders. is it sarah sanders, as it sarah huckabee sanders, is a cousin huckabee, is it nancy huckabee sanders? like what has uncle tom done for white women who disappoint other white women? i know. ann coulter. we have our friends at cnn here. welcome, guys, it is great to have you. you guys love breaking news, and you did it. you broke it. good work. the most useful information on bourdainen anthony tells me where to eat noodles.
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fox news is here, you know what that means, ladies? cover your drink. seriously. people want me to make fun of sean hannity tonight but i cannot do that. this dinner is for journalists. [applause] we have msnbc here. msnbc's new slogan is, this is who we are. it is not a good slogan. this is who we are is what your mom thinks the sad show on nbc is called. did you watch "this is who we are this week? week?s someone left on a crockpot and everybody died. we now know that mika and joe are now engaged. congratulations, you guys. it is like when me too works
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out. we cannot forget about rachel maddow, the peter pan of msnbc. but instead of never growing up she never gets to the point. watching rachel maddow is like going to target. you went in for shampoo and left with the entire history of the byzantine empire. and of course, megyn kelly. what would i do without megyn kelly? i would probably be more proud of women. [laughter] megyn kelly got paid $23 million by nbc. then nbc didn't let megyn go to the winter olympics. why not? she is so white, cold and expensive she might as well be the winter olympics. [laughter] and finally, megyn, santa is
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black. goingird, old, white guy down your chimney was bill o'reilly. i am not going to go after print media tonight because it is illegal to attack in endangered species. there is a time of news right now. a lot is going on and we have all these 24 hour news networks. we could be covering everything, but instead we are covering three topics. every hour, it is trump, russia, hillary, and a panel of four people who remind you why you don't go home for thanksgiving. milk comes from nuts now, all because of the gays. withuys are obsessed trump. did you used to date him? because you pretend like you hate him but i think you love him. i think what no one in this room us to admit is that trump has helped all of you.
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he couldn't sell steaks or vodka or water or college or ties or eric -- [applause] but he has helped you. he has helped you sell your papers and your books and your tv. you helped create this monster and now you are profiting off of him. and if you are going to profit off of trump you should at least give him some money, because he doesn't have any. trump is so broke, he grabs pussies because he thinks there might be loose change in him. i have to get the fuck out of here. good night. flint still doesn't have clean water. [applause]
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margaret: ladies and gentlemen, thank you very supporting the first amendment and the free press. i want to wish you a good night. thank you.
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[crowd noise] [captions copyright national cable satellite corp. 2018] [captioning performed by the national captioning institute, which is responsible for its caption content and accuracy. visit ncicap.org]
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>> live tuesday on c-span. rod rosenstein speaks at the news em about the role of law, first amendment, and the mission of the justice department. on c-span two, a discussion on the backlog of immigration cases. at 12:30, a look at the future of college sports and the implications of athlete compensation. basketballclude
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coaches and players, ncaa officials and the sports law experts. next, scholars review the recent talks between the leaders of north and south korea, and the implications of those talks for the u.s. and china. it is 90 minutes. >> i guess we are ready to get started. thank you for coming to this event. april 27, last friday, thesouth korean president declarations are a historical accord.

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