hi. well, tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye." are selfies the most unnecessary invention or for guys with short arms? we asked one fellow to comment. and how does the president think you should feel about shaving your best friend's back? >> sometimes that's hard to do. it is worth while. it is worth doing. >> and finally, have cats cut a secret deal with evil window blinds to attack dogs? what the canine community should do to get even. none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> and now let's welcome our guests. what do americans and van halen have in common?
they are both hot for this former teacher. i am here with jedediah bila, author, columnist of "outnumbered" weekdays. stop waiving. you can call her a criminal for stealing your heart and a cannibal for later eating it. it is joanne nosuchunsky. i don't know what he is wearing and i don't know what he is thinking and i don't know why he is here. it is tv's andy levey. and his jokes are darker than a transient stool, but just as delicious. sitting next to me, comedian sam morrell. tasty. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. >> if you are joining us now, a disturbing story out of prague. they twerked for work. female students in the czech republic vigorously shake their bootiess to win internships. it is the subject of tonight's -- >> is this sexist?
pageants have been going on for years with one journalist noting that czech universities have a high tolerance toward sexism. good for them, but the twerking contests may have gone too far and because of complaint the beauty pageants have been canceled. at "red eye" we hold tryouts for interns. let's take a look.
>> oh julio. soon after we hired him he went missing. i told police i don't know where his body is. i think i went home to his family. jedediah, you are -- were a teacher and you are current looy a female. >> really? >> do you see any problem with female students twer ky ng for internships? >> i do. this would never fly. can you imagine the protests if they tried to do this at a university in the united states? >> it would be sex week. >> or some sort of diversity label or something they could pin on it. >> work for diversity. >> isn't that true? you can put a label on something and if the label is cool or appropriate, the action d>esn't even matter anymore. >> if you put for diversity under anything. >> anything. >> anything. it will immediately pass. >> or if they were leaning in. >> exactly. leaning in is the new diversity.
what if they invited men as well? would that have alleviated some of the 6ism -- sexism by us? i am just sick of saying the word twerking. i don't know what they are going for. is this a school of economics? there is going to be a stripper economist or something? i would go to that strip club. it is like $20 for a dance and $30 for a stock tip? >> there would be a lot of trickle down economics if you catch my drift. >> well done. that's why you make the big bucks. >> they are right. what 18-year-old boy would want to attend the school now. >> joanne, you are a veteran, a long-standing veteran. it is like you are the elderly, i don't know, grandmother of beauty pageants. a lot of the young ones come to you for advice the way it
was way back then. could twerking be the version of the talent you participated in in the 80s? >> yes, well we did like spandex back then. we could see that coming back. >> aerobic stuff? >> yes. but i am not going to slut shame these women. >> don't. >> but i will shame the school. they should know better. our educators should know better. first red flag is when they said in the article, the school was teaming up with the tabloids. that can't be good. the school said in a statement that they know this was district grading, but it has gone on without any major problems. they kept letting it happen. when this video went viral it made the school look bad. it said, well now we have to can sell it. at least they have their priority straight. so long as the school looks
good . >> andy,ou joined "red eye" after you were discovered by fox executives twerking in the club. what if these girls didn't mind? what if it was something they did voluntarily? still, it is wrong, andy, isn't it, despite how you feel? >> it is wrong people like you with your one-sided coverage have gotten it canceled. how are these lovely, talented women going to get their internships from now on? >> that's true. by maybe the normal way. >> the whole thing is problematic. >> nicely done. >> joanne thought of it. >> i disagree with jedediah. i think you could have something like that here as long as women set it up. then it would be empowering. >> that's true. >> it would be women owning their sexuality. >> i support your support.
i am a feminist and i have some issues. andy, are you not really a guy, but sam might understand. let's point out a fact. twerking is vair to intercourse. it came from the strip club and pornography and now people are doing it at proms. let's not say it is anything but simulating intercourse. i can't imagine being a young boy these days because i don't think i could have hamed looking at that. i had to work hard to find things like that. it was hard. >> what is it going to take for these guys to be able to reach orgasm? when i was a kid all i needed was jennifer love-hewitt's smile. now i am having sex with an actual woman and she is choking me and i said tell me i'm adopted. >> when i was an adolescent i would get turned on by a guy who looked like a woman. >> the same for women. don't let them off the hook. they watch porn.
they go to the strip clubs. they watch men grind on the dance floor. this is not exclusively a male thing. it is a societal thing. we are perverts! >> i don't want to see men grinding on the dance floor. i want them working on wall street and bringing home the cash. i saw men dancing on dancing on the dance floor and it doesn't lead you anywhere. >> real men doesn't grind on the dance floor. real men mope at the bar. >> he is nodding like this and then keep it going like that. >> it is called looking cool. >> i don't know. i am troubled by the fact that this is now -- i think people might think this is no big deal because it literally is no big deal anymore. >> if you walked into an average club you would see people doing that. >> you go to any beach. >> anywhere else you can't turn on the tv without it being hyper 6 liesed.
the -- hyper-sexualized. >> every woman was in great shape and beautiful. >> they were supermodels. >> my back would be killing me the next day ?oi should you not fleet or a facebook threat? that's the case the supreme court is tackling as it hears arguments involving a man who wrote nasty posts about his estranged wife. after anthony's wife left him he started posting stuff like, i am not going to rest until your body is a mess. soaked in blood and dying from all of the little cuts. he was convicted for making i illegal threats, but insists that the stuff was similar to wrap lyrics. it was not meant to be taken seriously. i used that one. what matters is that a reasonable person would interpret his post as threatening. i would rather focus on threats that are adorable.
>> you are going to jail, adorable jail. >> where you will be eaten. is this a dangerous idea to you? as a comedian could somebody take something you say the wrong way and you could be in trouble for a joke? it is bound to happen. it is going to happen. >> with comedy it is different. most rappers don't test their status on facebook. they have a little more self-confidence. i am also a wrap expert. i listen to wrap the way it was supposed to be listened to. >> it is sad, jedediah. he compares himself to eminem which i believe is a candy. he fan uh sized about killing his wife -- he fantasized about killing his wife. is that a fair comparison? >> this guy is nuts.
they sent an fbi agent to his house. they sent her and then he starts writing threatening things about her. so this is -- >> that's a silly man. >> he is out of his mind, deranged. it is not protected under the first amendment. you can't threaten somebody's life. there are things that are not protected. >> if he was way craze yes, sir he would be interesting and worthy of study. >> or if he had talent. >> that's true. exactly. >> andy, i understand you have some new information from the supreme court? >> yeah, i don't, at all. >> make sure tuesday is taxi night. >> absolutely. vodka will be coming by later. >> he's dead. >> or is he?
>> i think you are probably right. the court will rule that this is not protected speech. the collection of organizations that have filed briefs on his behalf include the aclu, peta and conservative rutherford institute. there are a bunch of groups from across the spectrum that agree with him. >> you have the anti-defamation league and other organizations and the older ruling will be if a person riding the stuff -- writing the stuff knows that the person aimed at feels threatened by it, that's the test. >> that's always the argument. when somebody threatens to kill you -- oh i wasn't going to kill you per say. >> i think she had a restraining order. >> the back story. >> i don't think -- >> the funny thing is if mark david chapman sent a letter to john lennon that said i would kill you and he wouldn't have read him and then he wouldn't have killed him. people who kill you don't write letters first.
joanne, think about that. stop thinking about that. >> what should be the consequences then? if someone is threatening to kill you, what should the consequences be. >> it is the venting, but you are doing it on a public forum. it is not like a diary or a journal. our world is becoming -- it is a battle between freedom of speech and freedom of interpretation. who ever is more victimized by this act is the one who gets off. in this specific case he is going to be in trouble. but that may not be the results. >> i think if you target someone specifically and there is a back story. his wife left him and he lost his job. if there is a specific -- if there is a trail --
>> he said it is a joke. i never heard that joke. i will dump your body in the lake. you never heard that? >> he should have put lol at the end or jk and it would have been -- she bad at social media. >> you will never get another girlfriend if you keep threatening these women. that's not true. >> charles charles manson is getting married. >> the crazy women that liect serial killers. >> you can't win bees without honey is that what you are saying? >> those bad boys and there are like two white rappers that can get laid. >> that's a whole other issue. if nothing else, out of this case, chief justice john roberts read eminem lyrics during the oral arguments. we accomplished that. >> that should be the next name of his next record, oral arguments. >> that was oral roberts' auto biography. >> shut up. she turns up her nose how we
prow pose. a writer wonders why we continue to embrace the male marriage proposal. it is our 87th millionth edition of -- >> is this sexist? they push stereo typical roles, the man is in control and the woman is massive. in an expensive ring purchased by the man it sets up the relationship for a lifetime of inequality. women are actually more to blame for the sexism of the male proposasal and instagram and base book posts with a sparkling ring shows how a woman's feelings can be purchased. it is enough to make a male scream. >> i love her. i don't know where she is now. >> that was evil.
>> or lovely. is it sexist the guy is initiating this? should a woman initiate this? >> let who ever wants to propose, propose. >> it is silly. >> i would like -- i know common sense says it is hard. i like a guy who is a little more aggressive. if he will be aggressive about a proposal he will be aggressive in other areas. that's something i like. >> anybody can do it but you prefer the normal way. i do it the right way. >> i did not say that. >> you are full of lies. >> it prepares you for inequality. why, because he buys you [bleep]? that's an unequal relationship you have. people complain if you are proposing, try showing up without a ring you have to
show up with a ring. it is not something i am into. a ripping is not forever. 50% of marriages fail. >> that's not what the diamond stores say. >> a lot of people didn't go to jarrod. >> if you want something more permanent give her hpv. >> sometimes it does look like a ring. anyway, joanne, you are a decade or so away from sspinster hood or spenserhood or spencer for hire. why support a tradition that has left you behind? >> if you want to break tradition, go ahead. i like my sexism where i can see it blinding me on my finger. >> if there is nothing on your finger. >> it is a very small diamond. jay i think like jed jedediah i would want a traditional proposal. the purchase of a diamond says so much. it says i am committing to this large purchase. it is something i cannot use
or actually benefit from, but i like you that much. >> that's true. andy, i know it has no meaning whatsoever in your life for reasons that are -- >> i agree with jedediah and -- >> josie. >> i would like to be proposed to. i love this article. she says women are more to blame for this. women are completely to blame for this. no guy wants to propose. >> some guys look forward to it. >> no, no guy wants to -- >> i think they lie. guys don't give a crap. it is not that they won't do it. >> this is so generalized. i enjoy doing it all six times. >> i do agree that it prepares you for inequality spending two months salary on a ring. it prepares you for the paycheck going to her. >> we will be right back. we are getting into marriage with children. shaving a good grooming habit or the mass murder of hair?
we're for net neutrality protection. now, here's some news you may find even more surprising. we're comcast. the only isp legally bound by full net neutrality rules. perfect 10. >> i don't get it. some female police officers are in trouble for posting sexy selfies while in uniform. look at that. the red-hot cop pics appeared on a page which violates the rule of officers on social media. the rules are, quote, intended
to protect officers from divulging identifying information that may endanger officer safety. that's a good point. i should have read this. a labor union head said they are proud to be part of the nypd and should enjoy the same rights of free speech and expression as anyone else. the officers could lose vacation days which i hear they spend on time square. for more let's go to our expert. >> how ironic that she is parroting the bird. we'll be right back. sam, good policy? if they are great cops who cares if they are great looking? >> there are issues in the country with bad cop stories
right now, so this is pretty tame. >> yes. >> the one weird thing is instagram, hot chicks on instagram get a ton of followers. that is weird for identification when they walk in like a meth lab or something and they are like, holy [bleep] it is sexy cop 42. >> that's what they are talking about. they will never be able to do undercover. the people on instagram is the people they will be busting because they are young, twerking punks. jedediah, you post almost daily. it is obsessive and disturbing. why is it okay for you and not them? >> i like the sexy pictures, but they look like they are wearing a sexy cop halloween costumes. it is a job. you shouldn't be doing that. it is not professional. as a cop it is your job to protect people. when are you uniform -- i mean i wasn't like standing up next to the chalkboard with my pointer when i was a teacher like sexing it up.
>> i am so glad you don't sex is up on "outnumbered" and" red eye." >> that's part of my job here. >> no tight clothes. >> i am not a police officer yet. >> shouldn't they worry about the protestors that are block our streets instead of going after the delightful young lasses? >> there is always time for a selfie. i don't mind one. it could be great for morale and community support like the police department says -- is that what they are called? it is when they do the duck face is when i lose respect for you. i wore pre what are you using the photos for? is that your tinder profile picture? any man that wants to date sexy cop, that's probably
dangerous. >> how do ducks take selfies? >> they make a human face. >> they make a human face. >> shouldn't the cops be encouraged instead of punished? this could fight -- this could help raise morale. >> that's why i disagree with jedediah. you say a cop's job is to protect people and not sex it up. i believe it is to protect people and sex it up. >> i love this story. they are not upset about the sexy bathing suit pictures. they are fine with the cop doing whatever they want out of the iewn form. usually it is the other way around. you are a police officer and we don't want you posing in a skimpy bathing suit. i think it is 2014 and this
policy is not going to be around much longer. >> you can use almost any year in that. you could, but it is 2014 and i went with that one. >> it is good to know cops are human and they are just like us and they like to do silly things in between arresting you and telling you to get back up on the curb or put on your pants and stop defacating. we have people pushing people in front of subway trains. >> there is a double standard. if you saw a fireman, a sexy fireman people would be embracing that. >> they know where the fire is. >> you can see that all the time. >> they do calendars. i have every year. >> if you scr -- if you have a standard you have to make it equal. >> vut fire alarm that goes off once a week. >> all the time. i think there is a fire and
then open the door. i don't have time to put clothes on. in my shorty robe. the weird thing, when ever they show up i am making a pitcher of dabbing res. >> there is guacamole and chips. >> well you guys came all the way out here. put your feet up. >>bin blenders. >> so smart. >> coming up, is this the most awkward christmas card? wait until you see the one i am sending. it is maiden tierl from my own body hair. first, a word from our sponsor. >> tonight's sponsor is tiny texas. you heard of miniature villages? well this is an entire miniature state. we converted an airplane hangar into the lone star state. everything is tiny yes, sir in tiny texas. if you suffer from constipation, you will likely also suffer from gas.
stands for pizza. pizza hut, my second favorite hut after sunglass started testing the world's first subconscious -- sub scone shoes menu in the uk. that is short for united kingdom. you can order a pie without talking or typing. you will, however, have to look at what you want. i thought they were making it easy. here is a nifty video. >> this menu is controlled with your eyes and your mind.
>> right. first thing's first. follow the logo with your beautiful eyes. the menu has now recommended an item. by the time you think you have chosen your subconscious has chosen it for you. this amazing gadget can tell you what you are gazing at the longest and in a tiny mili-seconds out pops your meal. >> who is your uncle? i don't have an uncle named bob. his name nas wallly and he was strange. anyone who puts shrimp on a pizza does president deserve -- doesn't deserve pizza. hold the shrimp cannon.
>> that's a lot of work. that's why i don't eat seafood. >> it couldn't remove the eyes. >> you are supposed to eat the eyes, report you? >> it is sort of like when you simulate an orgasm. >> or a train going into a tunnel? that's what i just figured out when you were saying it. the technology apparently works 100% of the time. should all menus be like this? it would be fun. >> that can't really work. just because i look at something for a longtime doesn't mean i want it. if i see a dude with a good body i may stair at him for awhile, but doesn't mean i want him. maybe it does. i had sex with a mind reader. she didn't tell me she was a mind reader, but i could tell. the next morning she is like i should leave and i'm like, you're good.
>> it would be nice not to ever talk to an annoying waiter who is a slash actor slash play right. >> why not let them order on-line? i don't understand why we need this. why do we need to know what my retina is doing? most of the time if i stare at something, i look and look away. if i stare it is because it is disgusting. you see an ugly dude -- you see something disgusting and you are mesmerized. >> i have been staring at you the whole time. when people trip. i am just not a nice person. >> elephant man was like the worst super hero movie ever. it was a horrible power. >> anyway, joanne, what if your subconscious wants something weird on a pizza, but you don't know it.
then you get a pizza and there is like a wad of discarded swim wear. >> i would eat it. my brain needs it. my body needs it. i have the floaters in my eyes. sometimes i just watch them. >> they're fun and they do a pat person. >> do you have races? >> they have a pattern. >> is it a left over from seeing something? >> it is from the chem trails. >> but listen, i think the best invention that these pizza places have ever done, the only one you need is cinnastix. it is pizza dough and cinnamon sugar with frosting. >> that's -- well it is good, but that is -- the best invention is the pizza thermometer of domino's. the tracking and it shows
like -- it shows like mohamed is putting it into the oven. mohamed is taking it out. aac is driving it. it is all amazing. >> you live in new york city. tell me you are not eating domino's. >> i used to do it just for that. i need to know. i wish they had that about your life. they can say when you are about to die. >> i wouldn't want to know that. >> i know when i'm gonna die. >> not now. >> should they be spending their money on something else? >> maybe edible pizza. >> their thin crust is great. >> what? >> pizza hut is snot bad. pizza hut is not bad. >> i am going bring you real pizza. you have to go like a home -- >> they always say that. you have to have the homemade. it is a thin crust.
>> you come to my grandma's house in a week. she is 99 so don't take too long. you come to my grandma's house. >> does she cook it? i don't trust people. your vision is bad and you get a clump of hair and earrings. >> don't worry about it. it is good for you. >> i'm telling you, that happened to me. i once went to a friend's house whose grandmother cooked and i didn't have the heart to tell him all of the meatballs were frozen in the pasta, as hard as ice cream because i couldn't tell them. >> they probably figured it out when it was cold. >> it was so adorable. >> i sort of agree. i don't think choosing your p tokings based on how long your eyes are on them would be accurate. i would linger on pineapple. trying to figure out what nut job would put it on. >> or olives.
>> or broccoli. >> olives are terrible. by the way i love barbecue chicken, but you don't put it on pizza. >> how lazy are we making people. you can't just say on the phone what you want. it is ridiculous. just order a pizza like a person. >> too, another inveption, the first pizza parlor that comes up with a no carb crust will be zillionairs. >> and the glue -- gluten free crust is terrible. if you are doing pizza, do the pizza. >> i like the tables in the box. you know you get a little table. that was a great inveption. invention. it is so the cheese doesn't go on the roof. >> the greatest invention is the guy that comes to your table and looks miserable while cleaning it. what is that called? >> a busboy? >> yes. anyway.
coming up, we are taking the second star to the right to the d block. "not cool" order it. back in a moment. first, here is what is coming up tomorrow on the independents. >> well, hello and good morning. tomorrow night on the independents we are borrowing tv's andy levey so check it out. 9:00 p.m. and midnight on fox business network.
will you watch peter pan if you are not a peter fan? it is the fairies versus the trolls. millions are expected to tune into the peter pan live, but how many will be hate watching? hate watching you say? as a writer at the daily beast points out the sound of music live drew huge ratings, but awful reviews. and they will be a bigger target of snarkiness. she said in an interview i like to watch things synically. meanwhile, they are staging a live elvis of -- of elvis' show.
♪ >> it has to suck to be a dog with a con constant happy face. you could be wrighting in pain and they are saying look how adorable he is. he is like i want to die. >> that's exactly how i feel. >> it is true. >> sam, are you going to watch this peter pan thing? >> definitely. do you think an elvis impersonator has ever been found dead? >> usually in a port-a-john. it is interesting to get a girl to play peter pan. women get to do that. guys don't get to do that with roles. meryl streep -- >> ah, "bird cage," the mom in" hairspray." >> that is cross dressing. >> have you never seen a a tyler perry movie. >> i don't go to tyler perry movies. >> why not?
>> meryl streep selfishly took the role of margaret thatcher without halferring it to paul giamatti. i went a long way for that one. >> terrible. that was a hike through the wilderness. jed did you dye yaw, -- jedediah, will you hate tweet this or love tweet it? >> i have never seen "peter pan." last week it was revealed i have never seen "star wars" or "star trek. " i imriew up in a bubble. i have seen captain hook and it looks like somebody i may date. >> you like guys who have hooks for hands? there is a terrorist you may be interested in. >> no. i was going to make a dirty joke, so you will cut it anyway. >> absolutely right. may as well go to you, joanne. you have a background in theater so you claim every day. will you be extra supportive
or extra critical because of this? >> it is a hard line. you know, i love that they are doing this now. i think that we need a greater appreciation of the arts but when you are doing classics like this and a lot of people have seen these and the iconic cast and how it is done. you are opening yourself up to this criticism. i don't like the hate tweets, but i feel better reading the tweets as i am there in my pajamas and stuffing my face and not performing on tv, i like knowing that people hate her. >> that's a human quality called envy. there is a german word i can't pronounce. >> that is not hate tweet. that is hate wife. >> that's being human. >> allison williams is an american treasure.
she is the modern era pet rock. do you think her father will be watching? >> i am not fat leer with him. >> he is a newscaster. >> wait. he casts the news? >> joanne. >> you are silly. >> the best part of this story is that allison williams told the story when she told lena done ham said you are playing so so -- you are playing peter pan? that is so sub verse sigh. she didn't know women usual lea play peter pan. it is a perfect story. >> my favorite, sandy duncun. also something i like to do on the beach. >> you can tell that joke again. >> after that joke i am keeping my eye on you.
>> he hung a wreath and buried his teeth. tony blair and his wife sent out a holiday card to friends. it was a gift to the internet. the fun pokers poked fun declaring it fabulously awkward, the stuff of nightmares. "red eye" is always sending out a christmas card. can we see it? isn't that great? >> look at you. >> what is the point? >> season's greetings. >> that's not dropped in. >> what is it that makes it hard for men look happy? >> he is in the public eye. he should know how to fake a smile. i always wanted to know what tony blair looked like getting a colonoscopy. >> this is the closest i have been to my wife in 10 years, so help me, lord. anyway, jedediah, if that is the best one they got -- >> i want to see the rejects.
they probably took about 15 of these to get that one. all i kept thinking of in the article was that chandler big moment where he can't take a picture. guys are amazing and the second the camera comes on it is like -- what is going on with that, boys ? >> they may have a problem. should we get rid of christmas cards altogether? >> yes. i have a friend who sends a card every year and it is a poem about what she did in that year. i don't need the photos. i have facebook and instagram. i know what your annoying kids look like. i don't need another photo of them and the dog. dress up your cats. >> your stupid kids and pets. they are all terrible. what are your thoughts of christmas as a jew? >> i have no thoughts on christmas. it is season's greetings. >> i am not surprised trying to steal our religion. >> not steal as much as wipe
out. i was going to point out -- let's put that picture up. this was comedy central uk. jedediah said it which killed everything i was going to say on this. i have nothing other than the fact i cannot smile for pictures so i am not going to -- >> i bet you don't do that. >> no, we can practice. >> i can't. >> i like the family card photo that comes with the letter that says -- everybody hates it, but what everybody is doing, but they leave one person out and that is the most interesting. if it is an old card it is the person who is gay and they don't want to admit he is still not married. >> the waspy country club community card? >> if there is one person they don't mention, that's the person you want to know about. he is backpacking through belgium. >> or they mention him, but say nothing. edward is doing well.
tomorrow same place and channel. thanks for watching, fox. >> new york city mayor said that black men should be afraid of the police. is that the right message to send? president obama tried to force the catholic nuns to obey his demands to provide birth control. the sisters believe they have to obey a higher power. plus we are number one. and guess what, we are now number two. that and more tonight on huckabee. (applause) and welcome to "huckabee". if you are one of the now people reading newspapers or watched television news this week, you