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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  April 21, 2018 10:00pm-11:00pm PDT

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>> very much looking forward to asking him about that and everything else under the sun. >> i don't know, i don't know. i don't know. i don't know enough. i don't know enough. i can't answer that. i mean, i could, but i can't. i don't know whether i can answer that, rachel. i don't think i can answer that as i sit here. >> let me ask you a related question that i also don't know if you can answer. [laughter] >> come on, he's got to know something. [laughter] >> i'm not permitted to answer that. i have no personal knowledge of that. i don't know anything about that and if i did, i wouldn't say. >> i'm going to ask you more questions that you could answer. >> i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i had no idea. i didn't know. i don't know for sure. i can't recall. that's another one i can't answer. [laughter] >> guess he doesn't know. [laughter]
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[applause] [cheers and applause] >> all right. comey, stormy, two peas in a pod, one had a book, another had a sketch and they tried to outdo each other in a game of publicity ping-pong. >> i thought honestly that he was, you know, sort of handsome >>. you realize i'm kind of an honest idiot. i think i'm a good person. during the salad before the shrimp. >> i'm a better access than he is. women like me matter. >> i don't want to be too tough on myself. >> i'm done being bullied. >> oh, yeah. now as for those comey memos, i got more of a shock taking my tube socks out of the dryer.
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i'm sorry, the collusion seems more between democrats and the media than anyone else. but if you're a democrat, you are thinking this stuff isn't working, what do we do now? >> the democratic party has filed a federal lawsuit in manhattan against the russian government, the russian intelligence service, wikileaks and the trump campaign alleging damage to the democratic party as a result of the hack in the 2016 presidential election. >> that's amazing. they are suing russia. they are suing russia. [laughter] >> another new avenue because all the other previous ones are dead end. when idiots don't get what they want, they sue. that's my golden rule. judging all the coverage, you would think that was it for the week? not so. over easter mike pompeo met kim jong-un >> he said that pompeo -- pompeo
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had a great meeting and they are setting up this summit if you will. this is the highest level contact between the north korean leadership and the united states leadership in the history of the two. >> so we find out about the meeting on tuesday night. by friday, we are hearing north korea was suspending its nuclear and long range missile tests. yeah, nothing important here. it is certainly not up there with a porn star. actually if kim is true to his word, this is to quote joe biden from years ago a big [ bleep ] deal. even the guy on cnn admitted it. >> this is an extraordinarily significant development and frankly a huge win for president trump. >> kim has a funny voice. [laughter] >> this could be super huge. this could be up there with the
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berlin wall coming down, the collapse of the soviet union, the breakup. and i got to wonder it has to be hard on all those other networks how do they cover something this monumental if trump is responsible and what if dennis rodman helped? it is possible. i owe him an apology. the fact is if trump solves north korea, make some room for him on rushmore and if you factor other accomplishments, isis, economy, china, you might need to clear the whole mountain. where does this leave the never trumpers? terrible audience we have here. [laughter] >> it's time for an
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intervention. think about what they are doing, obsessing over a decade old sex story while the world stage changes. what if the msnbc's of today were around back then. they would do a town hall on the secret sexism of leg warmers. what if the person you hate changes the world for better? maybe learn a few lessons. you don't have to like someone to appreciate their skill set. maybe trump is like a mafia don but maybe a mafia don is what you need to get certain people to listen. trump said fire and fury and the media laughed but kim didn't. he got it. it was his language. trump seems to do with every issue and it works. his presence, it is like a laxative in a brownie. [laughter] >> he gets everyone going. [laughter] >> i think i have used that joke
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before. [laughter] >> and yeah, even i admit it's crazy if the guy from the apprentice brings world peace, it's crazy, and as for those of you who find it unsavory that the same guy slept with a porn star, well, we all can't be as pure or as boring as you are. fact is if you were a billionaire living the life in new york city, i think it's against the law if you don't sleep with a porn star. but for all you generic antitrumpers it is time to admit this whole stormy saga has really got nothing to do with defending the honor of a porn star. you don't care about her. she's just a prop to be used to unseat a president. she was used in films and now she's being used on cable news. it is all just an extended bitter tantrum caused by an election which is fine. but if your petty emotions get in the way of something that could make the world a better and safer place, then you're a loser. and you will not be invited to
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the korean unification party to be held at an undetermined location. [laughter] >> but i'm thinking it's dobbs place. no joke, he has a hot tub that seats 240. [laughter] >> let's welcome tonight's guest. he's so smart, author political commentator, host of the mark stein show, the great mark stein. like a family of termites he knows how to bring down the house, his latest book, it is called everybody is awful except you. actor comedian jim florentine. she thought jaws was a comedy.
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his sneezes are classified as category one hurricanes former wwe superstar. [applause] >> all right. stein, where do we begin? i mean what happens to everybody who never took trump seriously if this happens? >> well, they're pretending nothing has happened. >> yeah. >> so kim jong-un is just suspended all nuclear tests. >> yes. >> and they are still going to talk about stormy -- storm miles-an-hour -- stormy daniels for the next month. do you know the name of kim jong-un's missile? >> no.
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>> it's not funny, you know, if you look up in the sky and you see the missile coming at you, it is not a good sign. but so i mean i agree with what -- i think this is fantastic that this guy is bringing about world peace. >> yes. >> by doing everything wrong. and that's what infuriates them and the less and less there is to focus on, like stormy -- i mean stormy is boring anyway because it's not even like a sex scandal, it is a campaign finance scandal. >> that's true, an exciting campaign finance scandal. jim, do you care about trump's past dalliances and what do you make of this whole north korea thing? >> no, look it happened in 2005, 2006. he wasn't president. he didn't know he was running for the president. isn't it funny remember the left freaked out when trump called him little rocket man, they
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thought there was going to be a nuclear war, get this guy out of the office, like that insult he was going to push the button on little rocket man. >> by the way, little rocket man is kind of a cool nickname. could mean, you know, a number of different things. what if they become pals? what if trump and little kim end up becoming bff's? this could happen. >> i don't think that could happen. >> really? >> he's still an evil dictator. i'm pretty sure that president trump probably wouldn't want to be friends with him, but he does know how to talk to people. >> yes. >> i'm someone who has in the past been critical over president trump over certain things, but i don't understand people who have to be critical over every single thing because this objectively is a good thing. i don't care how you feel about president trump. i don't care if you absolutely hate the guy. you kind of got to love not being blown up. >> yes, that's true.
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>> it's too soon to tell but there must be a lot of people heading to therapy next week. >> i'm still trying to find one way that little rocket man would benefit -- benefit me, that title, little rocket man, what did you say? i wouldn't like it. [laughter] >> we're investigating everything else, but that's the real story. all the other stuff doesn't mean anything. i mean i'm actually glad they bring up his past because then i get some passes on my own past. you know, well, the president did it. >> i also find it progressive liberals to be particularly about the fact she's an adult
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film star, it is like that makes it worse. >> don't say -- even fox is doing that, adult film artist stormy daniels. i heard the bbc a couple of days ago, this lady just says the pornographic motion picture star who is accused of sleeping with donald trump. it is pornography. it is adult film. an adult film is like some harvey weinstein chick flick that gets oscar nominated. >> not to mention when they emphasize adult film, is there another category? >> that's a good point. >> i don't want to know. i'm assuming we just -- if you say porn, i'm assuming it is adult. >> yeah, yeah. i should stop this segment. [laughter] >> all right. coming up -- >> back up and retake that. >> yeah, jim comey, maybe you heard of the guy? we're going to talk about him
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sometimes you need an expert. i got it. and sometimes those experts need experts. on it. [ crash ] and sometimes the expert the expert needed needs insurance expertise. it's all good. steve, you're covered for general liability. and, paul, we got your back with workers' comp. wow, it's like a party in here. where are the hors d'oeuvres, right? [ clanking ] tartlets? we cover commercial vehicles, too. i think there's something wrong with your sink.
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and with free access to tv's hottest shows from netflix, showtime, starz, hbo and more, you'll want to tap out of your regular life and go binge. for you. go binge. i got this. thank you. call back next week. amy are these timesheets still... you're not amy. i am now. [snaps] don't miss the greatest week in tv. show me watchathon. binge now with on demand or the xfinity stream app until april 22nd. >> we're one week into the comey show, and it only seems like a year. but what revelations, one, comey's never seen trump laugh. he told that to stephanopoulos during their five-hour chat.
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hard to believe they left that part of the special. and they kept this part, comey drinks pinot noir out of a paper cup. >> i drank red wine from a paper coffee cup and looked out at the lights of the country i love so much as we flew home. >> like the narration of sex and the city. we also learned that comey thinks trump is obsessed with him. >> i'm like a break up he can't get over. he wakes up in the morning and tweets at me. >> he's drinking pinot noir out of a paper cup. too bad comey isn't winning anyone over.
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>> i think it was to some extent his arrogance that led him to make a very bad error of judgment. >> he left the republican party. we did not leave him. he has left and we're glad to see him go. >> he criticized hilary clinton as being extremely careless, but then didn't bring an indictment or recommend an indictment. that's a violation he should have been fired for that alone. >> republicans, democrats, nobody considers comey their homey and he's all aloney. reminds me of a movie. >> in 2016, there was a guy named james and most of america got tired of his games. he was the republican sensation when he put hillary under investigation. >> there is evidence that they were extremely careless in their handling of very sensitive highly classified information. >> years later, when the nation felt divided as ever, he returned just to make everyone hate him together. >> felt like i was totally alone, that everybody hated me. >> fbi director james comey has
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just been fired by donald trump. >> it's the adventure of a disgraced fbi director. his tell-all book paints the president as a crook. >> is the trump campaign in any way working directly with the russians? >> that's just the beginning because his story keeps the media grinning. >> thank you for timing this whole thing so the memos came out right before you sat down. >> starring james comey, jonathan taylor thomas and david spade. this summer. >> what do you make of this man and his book tour and all the things he says? >> first of all, can he do any more fluff interviews? next time we will get to see him dancing with ellen. [laughter] >> he's way more obsessed with trump. look at what he wrote in his book. his skin was slightly orange.
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his hair was bright blonde. when i reached for his hand i looked at his hand mine was bigger than his. his was small but not that small. it's like a romance novel. [laughter] >> not that i've read those, but you are right. you are right. tyrus, has he worn-out his welcome? >> he never was welcome. >> yeah. >> besides the democratic party are at each other so much, even a guy they hate if he will say something they think will help him, they will bring him in. it is early. after he gets done doing the cooking shows, he does sesame street, by that time the democrats will be sick of him. him and oscar the grouch will be in the same trashcan together. that's where he's headed. >> that would be great. mark, i'm older than everybody here. remember there would be people that would be on every talk show like dr. ruth. he's now like dr. ruth without
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the charm. >> yeah, absolutely. and you know what? you know what -- i've forgotten that bit you mentioned drinking pinot noir out of a paper cup. the book is all like that, it is a third rate pathetic. he's flying home in a private jet. that's the first thing, the fbi director shouldn't have a private jet. he gets on the plane. he opens his suitcase. he says he's got a bottle of california pinot noir in his suitcase. why would you do that -- why would you fly a bottle of ordinary california pinot noir that's available in washington for like 6 bucks? why would you fly that all the way from california? and then he says and i drank it out of a paper coffee cup. okay, you're on a private jet for you, it doesn't have any wine, so you have to pack the wine in a suitcase.
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and then you have like a used paper coffee cup from when you were in starbucks earlier that morning. i don't believe anything he says. and this is what writing is. in normal life, in normal life, i will go i ran into greg and told him i'd just seen tyrus. if you are writing a book, this is an important tip if you want to make a million dollars like comey, you can't just say hey i ran into greg and i told him i saw tyrus. you have to go i ran into greg gutfeld, i told him i'd seen tyrus whose muscled forearms rippled in the california twilight. [laughter] >> tyrus's forearms, that is,
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not greg. [laughter] >> and people think that's writing. and the whole comey book is like that. >> yeah. it is. also kat, he's always wrestling with his conscience, isn't he? >> i don't think so. [laughter] >> i think he's just really likes the spotlight being on him and i think that sometimes when you're so desperate for attention, you can end up making a fool out of yourself. like he was real excited about this book, and now everyone hates him. >> yes. >> he's like i kind of imagine him being like that drunk college kid who is like all right watch me i'm going to jump into the pool from the roof but then he trips and then stumbles and smashes his head on the side, that's what james comey is, and he did something we all need as a country and that's something to unite around. we can unite around the fact that we don't like you. >> that's true. got to go. [applause] >> the reality show idea, he
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pairs up with stormy. it is a reality show on bravo. [laughter] >> all right. we've got to move on. he's a politician of the future. he doesn't kiss babies or anything else. he's a robot. as a control enthusiast,
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i'm all-business when i travel... even when i travel... for leisure. so i go national, where i can choose any available upgrade in the aisle - without starting any conversations- -or paying any upcharges. what can i say? control suits me. go national. go like a pro. >> live america's news headquarters. i'm marianne rafferty.
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treasury secretary steve mnuchin considering a trip to china to iron out trade issues. this was announced today during the spring meeting of the world bank being held in washington. weeks ago but country enacted a number of terrorists against each other covering everything from food to technology imports and sparking fears of a trade war that could impact the global economy. president trump coming to the defense of his personal attorney, michael cohen, under federal investigation's business practices. "the new york times" story suggests he may turn on his client. trump attack that idea in the newspaper in a series of tweets saying the times is going out of
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his way to destroy michael cohen in the relationship. i'm marianne rafferty, now back to the greg got tell joe. japan site -- japanese news site, it could listen to ideas from residents and calculate the best ways to implement them. it could find compromises in common interest conflicts between citizens and finally it would shoot every member of maroon 5 into space. in other words, it is perfect. [laughter] >> now, since robots can't technically run for office yet, people had to vote for a guy representing the robot. it got over 4,000 votes but came in third. that's an outrage. at least to me. they should have let us here make their campaign video. >> is it time for a new politician? one you can trust to never let you down or deceive you?
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are you tired of flip-flopping, pandering and empty promises and politics? >> hello. i'm running for mayor. yes, the first robot mayor, and i can promise you i won't sleep with my maid or a porn star. i once had a brief fling but she only gave me a ride home. >> unlike human politicians, the robot doesn't need sleep. he's incorruptible and he will never pose for awkward forced photo ops. >> i promise never to be creepy. >> for a better tomorrow, vote for the robot. >> it will only be a matter of
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time. [inaudible]. >> ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. [applause] >> you won't find that on special report. all right. kat, you are a libertarian which means you tend to favor facts over feelings. i would think you would be totally for a robot politician. >> at first i was. >> yes. >> but then i saw this thing about fair being part of the platform. >> yeah. >> normally when politicians are talking about fair, what they are talking about is getting involved in my business to try to mack -- trying to make it fair. they are talking about taking
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more of my money. life isn't fair. i don't need the government meddling to make it fair. i won't vote for this robot, greg. >> wow. a robot cannot be compromised by pictures. you can't blackmail a robot. that's good. >> that's true. look, we almost had a robot as president in hilary clinton. [laughter] >> think about it all her answers are preprogrammed and most of her intelligence is artificial. [laughter] >> i could come up with a third one. i stopped at two. >> those two were solid. tyrus judges make decisions based on their hunger. if judges are really hungry, they have denied parole. once they have lunch, they actually allow for parole. robots would never make those decisions because they don't eat. >> yeah, but i could get one of my homeys to hack it.
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oh, no. the mayor is dead. oh gosh. oh gee. >> a rain slicker would prevent a water assassination. >> yeah, we will see. the problem with robots at this point, they are not your ai buddies yet. they are not beings yet. it can be controlled by a person. so it could have been the guy you didn't vote for is actually the programmer. so you're voting for the programmer right now. so until we know who the programmer is, maybe he's into some other stuff that we're not into but he has to hide behind a robot. you know what i'm saying. it is probably not a good idea to have a plugged in downloadable version. and by the way, you can't blackmail our president. he's above all that. sir, ten years ago -- yeah. i love it. that no longer works. don't need a robot for that. >> great slogan for the robot, he's plugged in.
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i just thought of that. i'm clever sometimes. i don't know. are you -- i think this is the way it's going. >> the japanese are like -- because they have got like the elderly demographics. you get turned over in bed by robots which actually have much softer hands than the hard calloused hands of the british national health service, for example, and what i like about this robot is it's like a robot designed by a teenage boy, this robot mayor. it's got -- she's got -- yeah, exactly. [laughter] >> that's my kind of robot. [laughter] >> and if the robot is running against joseph patrick kennedy iii, the kennedy toaster, i'm
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with the teenage boy designed robot. [laughter] >> toaster kennedy? >> yeah. [laughter] >> so things are changing very fast. >> things are changing. i will tell you this, i do want robot judges. do you know what i hate about court appearances? when criminals show up, they always are suddenly wearing glasses. do you ever notice this? and glasses like you won't get the death penalty if the killer is wearing glasses. >> exactly, greg. >> robots won't care if you wear glasses, kat. it won't work on the robot. >> and my life would be over. >> that is true. coming up, a company is offering personalized greetings from celebrities. guess that disqualifies steve doocy. [laughter] ♪ oh you're simply the best ♪ better than all the rest
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far, the definition of a star. a new company called cameo is selling personalized celebrity video greetings that you can buy for a nominal fee. and you can choose from 1400 faces on the cameo roster. like the amazing austin. i don't have to tell you who is. [laughter] >> and lindsay lohan's mom dina. oh, we have missed her. and bachelors and dennis rodman, technically he's a bachelor who charges $1,000 for a personalized message. he must be cameo's biggest celebrity until they signed this fellow of course. [laughter] >> yes. but if you don't have that kind of scratch, you can get a nice video from this fellow. >> what's up william? this is professional athlete and american ninja warrior finalist. i just wanted to say happy 18th birthday.
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i'm about to do a sketchy flip off of that tree just for you. here we go. i didn't know if i was going to land that one. happy birthday. >> how adorable. a message from the famous athlete. maybe you've seen him on american ninja warrior or maybe you haven't, either way, give him 40 bucks and you got yourself a celebrity greeting. so my staff pulled together their money and asked jesse to make one for me. >> what up greg? my name is jesse. i'm a professional athlete and free runner. i just wanted to wish you a happy 23rd birthday and i was going to give you a pair of my shoes but they are not out. but this is a t-shirt. i know you are going to love it.
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it is definitely going to fit because i got it from the baby gap. i will send it your way soon. happy birthday, buddy. peace. [applause] >> i don't like him at all. kat, you are almost a celebrity. >> thanks i will take it. >> would you join this company? why not? >> a thousand percent. >> how much would you charge? how much do you think you could charge? >> i think i could charge also 40 bucks. maybe i could charge 50 bucks. >> if you get one a day, that's almost 250 a week. >> yeah, absolutely. it does make me a little sad, though, to think of people actually doing this. >> why? >> because they are earning their money and they are spending it on this? >> yeah. >> if one of my friends did this for me, i would automatically judge them for not knowing how to spend their money. buy me something useful like a drink. >> yes. [laughter] [applause] >> tyrus, there are youtube
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comics, instagram humor, it is like a who's who of who. >> i hate to break it to them. there's already celebrity vm. for like 65 bucks i have to give messages, but mine always says you have 45 cancelled messages because i never check the app. so i never return the messages. so -- >> isn't that like mail fraud or something? >> no, because they go to the company and they pick you. first the company comes to you and they are like hey tyrus would you be on celebrity vm so people can get personalized -- personalized messages from you. you got a guy like harold from wisconsin who wants me to tell him good job on his wedding anniversary. i don't know if you are a good husband or not. i will say hey good job buddy, you really did it. then i read in the paper they are divorced and he was a bad person. i started being skeptical with some of the messages. >> that's a great point. what if the guy turns out to be
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a serial killer. >> or asks for an alibi. this is tyrus, you were with me last night from 12:00 to 3:00 a.m. there are a lot of potholes in this thing, but it is already out. it is already out. >> jim, what do you make of this? >> i did something similar too. it was some other service before that one. [laughter] >> i was skeptical. the guy was like you can be at your pool and make money. i'm like i don't have a pool so i don't know what you are talking about. i remember calling one guy because his wife set it up. i called him, he goes this isn't jim. i said yeah, it is. he goes what's going on with your career? are you okay that you have to do this? and then i just cancelled the service. [laughter] >> $10 i got. [laughter] >> 65. [laughter] >> what about you, mark? >> i'm like the only one here who can't be rented for your grandma's 80th birthday >> oh, you could be.
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[laughter] >> i was reading about six or seven years ago i think it was in the "washington times" about -- something called california cryo bank where you can go -- it is a look-alike sperm donor clinic so if you want your kid to look like and they said tom hanks, tiger woods, justin timberlake you go to this cryo bank. about two paragraphs into the story, it goes alternatively conservative intellectuals might prefer a look-alike from a canadian commentator mark stein. and my first reaction is who goes to a sperm bank and says i'd really like something from a canadian conservative commentator? and they go oh we've got a couple lying around here. don't worry. then my second thought is why am i not getting the $65?
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i could have used that. maybe i will go to the -- >> i'm not subscribing to it until they get the trivago guy. >> yes, we all want the trivago guy. >> still to come why aren't young people dating anymore? we asked this question and will discuss in a roundtable fashion. [cheers and applause]
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she's making america date again. a philosophy professor at boston college. they have them there. has been offering students extra credit to go out or not dates, not with her -- go out on dates, not with her, but with others.
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go out with someone in person for 90 minutes, stay sober and have no sexual contact. she says dating as we once knew it has largely vanished and it's become a countercultural thing to do. she blames it on the rise in dating apps, the change in average marriage age and president obama -- i added that. for the assignment the person who asks for the date must pay no more than $10. do you know what makes a cheap first dinner date? cinnamon. >> cheers. >> no, it is not cheers. >> cheers. >> no, i'm scared >> let's go. >> that's stupid, people.
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jim, she's got a point, though. nobody really dates -- do people still date or is it because we are on the coast we think that's the case >> no, people don't date. but i'm surprised there's a teacher who doesn't want to date one of the students. this is weird. she goes no, i want the students to hook up. [laughter] >> it sounds like a nightmare. you know, you go on a date. you have to be sober and no physical contact. that's torture. that's not a date. that reminds me when i used to be in the friend zone with girls because i would take them out, i would have to be sober because i would drive her and her drunken friends around and then when she hooked up with another guy, she would just wave good-bye, so same thing. >> that brings back memories. >> kat, is this healthy or unhealthy? >> is what? the not dating? >> no, this idea of a professor getting involved in trying to get students to date. >> yeah, i'm not sure i have ever been on like a date date. that's not really how millennials do things.
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>> how they do it miss millennial expert? >> i'm not an expert. i just am one. >> that's good enough. >> you hang out and sometimes through hanging out you stumble your way into a relationship that does not last. >> yes. >> is what you you do. when i think of dating i think you must be talking about the olden times. i picture petticoats for some reason. >> when i look at dates, they are like minimum wage jobs, they train you how to operate in the future and move up the ladder more difficult challenges, so like, you know, you got to go on dates because it teaches you how to be a gentleman and -- >> yeah. >> maybe not. >> no, i think that's true. and so you should go on -- i mean i take kat's point that dating has died but i must say this rang a bell with me because when she said to get your college credits, you have to go on a date and have no physical contact, i was like a phd by the
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time i was 17. it was -- so it didn't bring back happy memories for me. [laughter] >> but i actually think -- i take kat's point but i think -- i think of when i was a kid and i watched american movies and there was chocolate malts at the soda fountain and that's what i thought america was like and then i got here, and it's all gone. i think there need to be social rituals and this professor is on a doomed mission, but it's like a great mission, it is worth it in the end. >> yeah. you know, it's true, tyrus, isn't it? >> what? that sounds like being married, you go out, you don't have sex, and everyone is quiet. kind of like my experience with marriage. you can hear the sound of the silverware on the plate. every once in a while, you would
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look off going -- [laughter] >> oh, man, i'm just -- [laughter] >> sorry! >> i don't want to date. if that's dating, i'm wrong. i don't want it. it was so quiet, greg. >> i know. >> so happy to see the waiter. [laughter] >> i would always grab my face, hey, how is your wife? dating, yeah, sounds fun. >> i think we're going to go now, i promise more stuff after
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greg: another great show but we are out of time. thank you? , jim >>jesse: welcome to trento. i am jesse watters. james comey and hillary clinton, the perfect pair. that's the subject tonight of watters words. the two most prominent opponents trump has vanquished, and of their losses in the exact same way and for the exact same reasons. we will break it down in a second. here's the real reason this matter to you. losing to donald trump has become a cottage industry in america.

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