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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  November 3, 2018 7:00pm-8:00pm PDT

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don't forget get out there and vote. bring everyone with you. your friends, your family, the dog, they probably won't let that in the. [laughter] >> who voted? two let me see it again. who voted? [cheering and applause] what the hell am i doing here tonight? greg: entertaining the crap out of us. [cheering and applause] all right. welcome. welcome. to our live election special. as you can tell we spared no expense. not one but two american flags. [laughter]
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thank you. i stole them off hannity's desk. it is saturday night and he will not notice. this is where he keeps his national anthem two bald eagles. [laughter] very patriotic. the terms are always way people are feeling the strain. lots of stress and anxiety out there and of course it doesn't help with this guy scaring everyone. >> there are spooky suggestions that the fact checks and we have that treat for you. >> you get a choice of trick-or-treat but no choice except a feast on backs on the show. the hypocrisy, the nonsense, it's all too scary, even on halloween. happy halloween everyone. let's get after it left back. greg: does he write that stuff himself or does he throw scrabble letters on the ground and then read whatever he sees?
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it is amazing. a new study claims that democrats are indeed serving their anxieties with excess food and booze. here is proof. this was chris matthews two months ago. this is him now. [laughter] said. this was joe scarborough eight months ago. look at him. this is him now. [laughter] this was alec baldwin two weeks ago. this is him now. [laughter] [applause] greg: as you have heard he just got arrested for punching someone over a parking space. i guess he does not like it when people cut in line. i wonder who stole the space? was a dodge caravan?
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[laughter] thank you. anyway,. [applause] so stupid. [laughter] this is not surprising. politics can be stressful. a study by arizona state shows 20% of their students for the last election cause them clinically significant stress. some reporters said students were traumatized but i disagree. this election did not cause trauma. what do you know what causes trauma? this. >> it could happen to anyone. election does not go your way and you been obsessively stressing about it ever since. >> yeah, that disturbs me exactly. it's been two years since cesar sayoc and i'm still traumatized. how do i toughen up? >> try that trauma guide.
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it's a view [inaudible] >> i don't know. i guess so. >> great. >> hello, guys. who are you? what is going on? where am i? >> hello. how are you? it is so good to have you here. >> what is this place? >> this book is about -- called let me tell you even more about jasper, 1267 pages long. now, you can hold on to my book because i read this entire book to you all in one city. chapter one. [inaudible] know.
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no. no, make it stop. >> get the trauma guide today. it will show you what real, is. stop being such a [bleep]. [cheering and applause] greg: so, does election stress damage everyone? nope. only those who make politics personal meaning the left. but you will be fine. if republicans lose the house, yet it will be sad but then you'll go hunting. everyone begins when you'll be pleased but then you'll go hunting. [laughter] i find my viewers go hunting after everything. my point for us, politics is not personal but part of life but not life itself and it's another game in a long season which is why we don't harass people in
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restaurants. we just tip them. we know where we are and where are we? president trump: we are where it's at. we are the hot country. can you believe it? [cheering and applause] greg: we are a hot country. meanwhile, for the left politics is anything but it's who they are, all they have peer they get up, watch msnbc, heat drop, go to fed, repeat every day. right now there's a story up on cnn insane women should stop having sex with her husband until they vote their way. wow. getting sex advice from cnn. that is like getting sex advice from cnn. [laughter] for the left the midterm is a lose lose proposition. if they don't get a big win be a start. remember 2016? a million babies with full
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diapers clean poop at each other. but if they win it won't be fun because he is still there. and they hate him just like they hate daddy. this is especially true of the media. >> the president of the united states is racist. >> even albert einstein may have ended up in a nazi consultation cap with donald trump's viewpoint on immigration. >> if you vote for trump then you, the voter, are standing at the border like nazis saying you here, you hear. greg: and these bozos lecture us on disability. don't get me wrong. i'm all for its ability. help, i'm so civil i watch my hands before i go to the restroom. i send flowers after a colonoscopy. [laughter] we spent two years calling the guy hitler, racist, sexist, a trader and they tell us to be nice? i take note lectures from you
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clowns. what you really are seen democrats feeling what it's like for the very first time to be republicans. to be the butt of a joke and so job numbers soar, optimism improves, gdp improves and they hated. the economy is hotter than lou dobbs on spring break and they are still glum. my advice, no matter what happened on tuesday be nice. let's all show them how to act. like this guy. talking to cnn's jim acosta. >> i just want to apologize for flipping you off. i got carried away. i was asking for facts and not opinions. >> that's okay. i understand. >> i got carried away i want to apologize. >> i accept your apology's and hope i get to see you again. take care. [cheering and applause] greg: nothing like santa claus giving you the finger.
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no matter the outcome you got to be good. we been called every name in the book forever and it will not change. but neither should you. [cheering and applause] let's get after it and welcome tonight's guest, his hair is more curls than my bicep workout. fox news contributor charlie. [cheering and applause] he's got a face for radio and up body for medical colleges, tom shalhoub. [cheering and applause] she brings the doom and gloom to the newsroom, kat timpf. [cheering and applause] and paul bunyan looks up to him. former wwe superstar in my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] charlie, how do you see tuesday unfolding?
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will the democrats be sore losers or sore winners? >> a little of both. your monologue was excellent and that really is exactly what is playing politics today. you have this huge group of people who want to make politics everything about their life and that is the reason i think a lot of smart people are suspicious of any government to put government in every aspect of her life. it should be something that pensions for us not that governs every aspect of our lives it takes over our minds and hearts makes us miserable. greg: you can't be happy if politics is in every part of your life because it's a miserable thing. >> it is. you know, when we tried to be fair and were always saying both sides to this but this is not true about this. not both sides one make politics about everything. it's a leftist ideology that wants to make the government a
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part of every aspect of your life and it takes over whereas the rest of us want to go hunting. greg: exactly. tom, at the democrats take the house will it call that resistors or make them want more? >> it will not call them. the matter what they get it will not be enough. some people think they think there will be a blue wave but they don't get the biggest wave in the world will be crying in terrible and the get seats here and there but it will not be enough. i'm amazed that they are just getting to the study for new study that women are to stop having sex with their husbands until they get their way? in my experience they been doing that for 40 years? [laughter] greg: i don't know. let's shift over to cap. you are a libertarian so how much of effect will that have?
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>> yeah, how much will what have an effect on election? greg: libertarian. kat: we will get a couple votes. [laughter] you know, it'll be -. greg: it will be two specifically. kat: yeah, me and john stossel. larry sharp fort new york. exactly one will from the crowd just now. larry sharp. you know, i will vote but i don't know what will happen. i know mike i will not win which is makes elections not stressful for me ultimately. greg: it's true. i live in new york and i know anyone i bought for will not w win. kat: i don't leave the house often and i will leave the house to vote but i don't know why but i will. i think it will come down to enthusiasm. democrats are enthusiastic and paul so they're more enthusiastic a public and voters
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so republican voters need to get more enthusiastic. i know it's boring. i know you have to wait in line. there's not even a roller coaster at the end of it. and you have to leave your apartment and you don't get to buy or drink anything which is the only reason i leave my apartment and only sometimes. greg: usually you have it delivered. kat: i've used post made four times a day. greg: you are a sad person. last word to you, tyrus. tyrus: thanks. look, historically when president comes then the other side get the house and senate. so democrats are enthusiastically paranoid and nervous because they might have wrote a check that they can't cash. if they get just the house and keep the senate that still and l. here's the thing. if they get both and go back to obama. when he lost the house and senate they were like we got him and he's done so we gave him another four years so either way the president will win on this
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because obstruction people hate and that is the problem that is why bills to be upset and they get the house they will change the name of the fruit and it will be in cherries and pies and peach and it'll be like it's the same thing. they will just complain more. greg: it's never going to get nicer. that might production. >> and everyone begins on the senate as a drop can still fill the federal bench with judges and that will be great going into 2020. greg: let's talk more about this. up next, to trump rally today and we got more clips from donald in the white house or shop. [cheering and applause] today... back pain can't win. now introducing aleve back and muscle pain. only aleve targets tough pain for up to 12 hours with just one pill. aleve back & muscle. all day strong. all day long.
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greg: kenny affect the tally with yet another rally? the president help to them today one in montana and another importer. that's two states, cat. first, mr. president what you think of me? president trump: my friend, greg, is a tremendous guy. [laughter] greg: yes, i am. thank you. very sweet. i wonder though is he a happy person. president trump: i am a happy person.
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i'm a very happy person. i'm much happier person than you would believe. greg: i'm thinking he must be a pretty happy person but to the boring and important issues the environment and border and the death tax what do you do if you love your children? president trump: if you love your children you can leave that farm or the ranch or your logging equipment and logging stuff in your trees and leave whatever the hell you want if you -- if you don't like them, then you don't care too much about this particular tax. barbed wire used properly can be a beautiful thing. we need more energy but the wind is not blowing? one thing, that sucker, just keep piling it in their. [laughter] greg: oh my god that he has to be reelected. what about the big news? president trump: fake news, one particular person, said he said that they will get rolls-royce's
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and that is not true. do you believe it? you can't tell a joke with these people. greg: i love when he imitates them. the guy makes jokes. you think the president of [inaudible] makes jokes? no, he does this. [applause] greg: all about perspective, people. tom, that look like you in the gym -- do these rallies help? >> do you know what it does connect it's fun. fun versus pure ecf bob summerside but rallies on the other. >> everyone is having a good time. did you see the headdresses? greg: i think they were native american.
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>> well, whatever. they were having a ball. that is the whole thing. they talk about rallies and all the trump rally and everyone is hating and are having a great time and i thought obama at a rally and someone got thrown out of his rally and he said -- you know, why was that not hateful. everyone was screaming for obama but everyone was having a good time and especially themselves we should be happy about it i'm a more heavy person than you think, greg. [laughter] greg: i try to avoid you because i find you creepy. tyrus, i think these rallies are part of the reciprocity equation like drums as i will come out here and entertain you for free and least useful. tyrus: well, it's crazy that you avoid people for being creepy. that's an oxymoron because everyone avoids you because you're -- know what? this is about having a hispanic president. he likes to go say hi to the people that voted for him.
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it's like a concert or a road tour. this is what keeps people excited and show up -- they might not show up for the midterms and they might not show up for the senate but to show up for him when the time counts. they feel like they know him and he's part of their living room. [applause] greg: yeah, he's your crazy lovable uncle the kind that comes to your house and gives you a wad of money and leaves. kat: i've got to get me some better uncles but i can't remember the time anyone handed me a wad of cash. it might be in some ways a good thing. [laughter] but he is definitely like that and these rallies are definitely more fun than anything i've ever seen. i watch these people at the rallies and have resting :-). [inaudible] they are so happy to
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look like they're having more fun than any party i've ever been to and i am very fun at parties. i'm a fun girl. greg: you sit alone in a corner and look at pictures of you and your cap speed. kat: just because you caught me looking at a picture of my cat on a break, it's only sometimes. greg: and it predicts you do it all the time. charlie, what you make of these rallies? do they help? >> without a doubt. from the very beginning so many of the geniuses in the media and they say it's an insult but they say he's a terrible barker. greg: like an insult. >> and yeah, he is kind of like it but he knows how to whip up a crowd and entertain and is masterful in the first person in my lifetime on the national stage where we had a politician who is capable of doing that. the other thing i love is he the guy was willing -- he built up
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political capital and spend it. most politicians are terrified of spending their political capital because all they care about is keeping their jobs and winning the next election so this guy will go wherever he needs go and spend all -- he will bankrupt his political capital spending in order to get senators elected or to save the house b5 i like the fact that what is up there he talked like nobody i've ever heard talk as a politician. he talked like the way some politicians talk privately. you have politician saying he so mean and the rhetoric is of course but that's the rhetoric you use about your rivals when you're in the green room or at home but he just happened to do it to your face which i think -- maybe you don't like it but it's honest for gods sake. [cheering and applause] tyrus: it is one-on-one.
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this is wrestling wwe one-on-one. he comes out, cut the promo, buries his opponent, light of the crowd, see you next week. deuces, i'm out. it comes back every week. [applause] tune in. guess what i will say next week? and everybody does. greg: up next, michael is running. either for president or from the police -- plus, special guest, tom salute will not be swearing [music begins]
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researcher 1: some say e-cigarettes aren't dangerous. researcher 2: but science shows nicotine can harm teens' developing brains- researcher 1: no matter how they're exposed. researcher 2: let's do an experiment to find out. researcher 1: here's a teen who won't be using e-cigarettes. researcher 2: now, we need one willing to risk their brain development.
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researcher 1: anyone care to volunteer your kid? researcher 2: anyone? narrator: your kids are not an experiment. protect them from e-cigarettes. [music ends] >> live from "america's news headquarters". more than 30 million americans have already voted ahead of today's critical maternal exit. that total covers for the eight states and several are still collecting absentee ballots. twenty-eight states have surpassed early voting totals from 2014 and state with competitive senate or governor races such as texas, nevada, georgia are nearly doubling voting in 2014. a list on both sides of the aisle they turn out could reach 50% and that has not been done since midterm voting in the
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1960s. at least two people died after a severe storm caused an amazon warehouse to partially collapsed in baltimore. one of the victims was an adult male trapped under debris and rescued but later died from his injuries. now, back to gutfeld. greg: he's bald, he's broke and he is back. yes, michael, a.k.a. the litigating lollipop, a.k.a. the courtroom cue ball, a.k.a. the ambulance chasing a whole seems to be running for president. and his campaign ad was a joy to behold if i joy you made a litany of misery. >> enough with the lies. >> enough with the coverups. >> enough with the bigotry. >> enough. enough.
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>> enough. >> we deserve better than this. stop with the empty promises. no more thoughts and prayers. if you put big money first and a second your time is done. >> done. >> done. >> we are the majority will not be ignored. greg: well, they seem like fun. [laughter] they remind me of everything a person who's ever been in front of me arguing with a cashier. [laughter] it said it was on sale in the newspaper. it says here you take checks. i wonder if we do it together will be when? >> if we do it together, we will win. >> stand up, join the fight club, use your vote as your voice on november 6. greg: here's the good news. they will never win. i think people will be more impressed by this person. >> you want to register to vote? you want to interview me now? will be to tell them about the chinese rifles? should they know? now you want me to explain about
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free prison labor. if you'd vote for me, i will go get that money and get a share of the profit. you are done right. i hope you vote for me, sweetie. i hope you vote for me. greg: that is chris erickson who is running for governor of vermont. [laughter] go ahead and laugh but this is their center. tyrus, avenatti seems like he stepped into the ferociously miserable and angry publishing. these are the people who send food back at a free buffet. tyrus: these are his old clients talk inhibit those are people complaining about him. he took the money, did not help them out, enough with the lies. you didn't get that? greg: that is so funny. tyrus: he's like everyone is so broke and give me the videos of
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everyone complaining about me and it wasn't even the same area. it was everyone outside his office. you like to me. you took my money but no, we will not stand for this. enough with the bigotry. [cheering and applause] greg: charlie, it's like everybody in the ad reminded m me -- they are the member of the family you don't want at the holiday dinner because they will lecture you on how evil pilgrims are. >> i think tyrus is on to something. when he talks about -- it's not the me presidency but talk about a guy, avenatti, this guy is a narcissist of the highest order. maine is holding about him and has managed to earn millions and millions of dollars in free airtime while his clients, stormy daniels, is still dancing
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and getting beer bottles thrown at her outside of richmond. greg: and the worst thing is, she is his client and she has to pay trunk. the legal fees. >> and who got her into that? greg: avenatti. tyrus: is it safe to say he ruined a porn star's life? [applause] tyrus: vote for that b5 time, people made fun of trump for being out-of-the-box candidat candidate -- >> democrats are always looking for the democrat version of trump anything they have it in avenatti but the swing voter in the country does things like while trump is belligerent but i like the results. avenatti is i'm belligerent. [laughter] vote for me. no, that's not the part we like about trial. that's a part we put up with to get the good stuff. greg: yet, we will fight fire
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with fire. i'll take his bad qualities. he has no real resume, cat, i think. kat: i don't know why anyone would listen to this guy. he's like reverse king midas. everything he touches turns to crap. think about it. stormy daniels, kavanaugh confirmation. he works tirelessly to ruin the life that he is trying to help. if he runs he should run as a republican because i don't know anyone who is help the republicans quite as much as he has. [applause] greg: that is true. all right. on that note, celebrities are reminding you to get out to vote. i wish they would remind me to loss instead. my teeth hurt. [cheering and applause] (roger) being a good father is important to me so being diagnosed with advanced non-small cell lung cancer made me think of all the things that i wanted to teach my kids. (avo) another tru story with keytruda.
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♪(piano music) jessica! we need to leave. right now! i need to get something. (boy): dance recitals are so boring. ♪there's a me no one knows ♪waiting to be set free so, what's the empty suitcase for? the grand prize trophy duh ♪i was born to be somebody greg: they are putting the pressure on the telethon.
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jane fonda and amy schumer are among the celebrities participating in the telethon for america on monday night. it will be streamed online and described as a nonpartisan effort to get out the vote because when you think nonpartisan you think yeah, hanoi jane. unlike traditional telethon recall on and put money but with this you call up and jane answers and you pledge to her that you will vote and that is exactly who we want to vote. it is who will vote only if a vacuous celebrity talks to them. he is more famous women reminding you to vote. >> what matters to you? >> 's ability. >> kindness. >> freedom of the press. >> from a speech. >> all of our freedoms. >> do they matter? >> then vote-not telling you how to vote but merely suggesting
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you will lose all your freedoms if you don't. which is ridiculous. we will always be free to do this. >> [inaudible]. greg: i don't want to live in a world where i can't do that. the ad featured all celebrities about issues specific to females. what did you make of it? kat: i found it irritating. i'm a woman and i hate when people tell me to vote as a woman because i don't vote as a woman but i vote as an american. [cheering and applause] i care about the economy and about my freedom and about the second amendment and care about a lot of things that men also
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care about and i am a person but not just a woman but an actual human person which is so funny the people on the left are supposed to be the ones that are social justice and feminist but they look down on any woman who does not vote democrat. i don't vote democrat a lot of women don't vote democrat and they need to get over it and stop asking them unless you want because you don't. [cheering and applause] greg: amen. telethon are treating diseases so the message here is trump is a disease, call now. right? kat: yes, that is your question. tyrus: i pick up the phone. i call in. and i hear a raspy old boy says hey, it's jane. promise to vote? yeah. click. [laughter] that's it? greg: that's it. tyrus: # not me.
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greg: yet, scary but they are attracting a boater who not vote unless they could talk to a famous person but those of people i don't want voting. >> what i love is -- literally every two years celebrities, make out thinking people care what they have to say about who we should vote for. ask liquid. it does not work out well but they always forget the lesson that there is about how we don't care about what liberty thing. had a good run for eight years with obama but president obama would win elections in spite of the celebrities. is not because of the celebrity angle. greg: . tyrus: don't tell him that. greg: yes, we want them to keep doing it. tom, what if a video was done by all men and it was all male celebrities.
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could you imagine the hell it would get if and all they did was the issues that cap mentioned like economy and jobs and second amendment? that would freak people out, right? >> it really what, greg. we should do one i will do it. greg: you'd be great at it the next one to watch these video videos -- i start to talk like them. really, seriously. seriously. tyrus: that was a lot of seriously. >> but greg, how dare you make fun of them. this is a nonpartisan event. all these women don't care what party you are in, whether democratic, communist, it's all the same. greg: it is all the same. by the way, we are having a telethon life show so if you call the number on your screen you will win this my pillow box. but my pillow box. if you don't see a number on your screen that means you have to send me $30.
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in cash. thirty dollars. i get to keep the box. [laughter] up next, ben & jerry's has a new flavor but we also have a few of our own. [cheering and applause] if you have psoriasis, little things can be a big deal. that's why there's otezla. otezla is not a cream. it's a pill that treats moderate to severe plaque psoriasis differently.
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greg: they want you to depart as they clog your heart. ben & jerry's the left-wing i.c.e. cream and bad people maker announced a new flavor called p can resist that seeks to inspire activism against donald trump. the company says it has been will quote -- like injustice in champion those fighting to great a more just and equitable nation
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for all of us but while making you fat. and prone to obesity related diseases like diabetes and hypertension. wait, they do not mention that part of it how convenient. it inspired us to make some labors of our own. but flavors that actually reflect the results and effects of this current white house. like this one. or how about this one? [cheering and applause] or what about this one? nothing tastes better than world peace and my favorite -- [cheering and applause] this one is still in the making. [laughter] and began forget trump's effect
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on the media. [laughter] is dedicated to brian stelter. i think our staff favorite, the. [laughter] charlie, are ben & jerry's to really bad marlboro man? they're not selling cigarettes but saturated fat. >> yeah, that is true. this goes back to your opening monologue. these people want to make everything about politics. politics is in every legal aspect of her life including your midnight snack and your most private moment when you are alone in the kitchen in the darkness they won't be happy. greg: i know. i know. cap, i.c.e. cream is supposed to
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be an escape and fun. kat: i actually think this is a huge win for donald trump because i am a millennial which means that attention is my currency. i love attention. if some ice cream company was paying so much attention to me that they need made a flavor about how much i sucked. i would be thrilled. i would buy it and videotape myself eating it like you are right, i do suck. why are you so obsessed with me? [laughter] greg: tyrus, what is wrong. how do you feel? tyrus: first of all, i don't like fighting about ice cream. that is like -- there's a baskin-robbins in louisiana that's like banana split, tyrus and you know i wanted. i seem to be a happy time. i go to get away from everybody. here is the sad part of it ben & jerry's there you go into business. you just pissed off 66 million
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people. it never works. every time -- merchandise is for everyone, ben and jay, if you make resistance then you can make white privilege crunch. do something fair for everybody. you know what i'm saying? racist ramble. have something for everybody. then he will lose sales. whenever you go away from everybody you lose half your business. greg: except for fox news. tom -- i have to say this product is so addictive and delicious it overrides human self-preservation, right? you eat an entire job knowing it will reduce your survival by increasing risk for disease. >> you love ben & jerry's? greg: i can't have it in the house but i will eat it in one sitting. sitting on a toilet. [laughter] sorry -- i almost made it to the
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end of the show. tyrus: sick. greg: it tonight quiet place to eat a double chocolate. >> i think the chocolate is like liberalism. it's too much ingredients and tries to be all things to all people but ends up bailing. [cheering and applause] greg: interesting. i bet you like vanilla icing because it is white. >> i eat the lies cream. tyrus: at room temperature. greg: that is gross. here's the other thing. if you eat ice cream enough to be like i'm getting resistance ice cream chances are you'll never get your behind off the couch to vote anyway. your chubby self is eating ice cream and watching reality tv. trump wins again. [laughter] greg: please, eat this. it's not a winning. tyrus: have you ever seen a protester they we shall not -- it's a guy who's i'm going next week, dog. what?
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online. in your family the guy on the couch eating ice cream is he a go-getter? is he the breadwinner? or is he the one we've got to get them out, honey. greg: more soft after this. don't go anywhere. [cheering and applause] ♪ introducing the new capital one savor card. earn 4% cash back on dining and 4% on entertainment. now when you go out, you cash in. what's in your wallet?
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rasam:: it was thirteen hundred hours. my math class, room 302, was in the trenches. davy roth had it the worst. fractions were coming at him left and right. he just didn't get the damn things. two days ago, i tried to teach him what 1/4 of 1/2 was using different sizes of blocks. yesterday, i tried again by dividing up pizza. both missions failed. rachel: oh no. sam: but today...i was ready. sam: i created a combat math game where the only way to beat the enemy is to out-fraction them. davy conquered every last denominator. my game was so successful, the principal is deploying it to math squadrons all over the school. rachel: wow! sam: anyhoo, how was your day?
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rachel: oh, uhh... today my boss treated the office to salad wraps. sam: mmm, salad wraps. rachel: i know. greg: i want to tell you about box nation the premium for scripted service. goes up november 27. daily life opinion shows on demand and you will see me, tyrus and even tom salute. all your favorite naxos and if you become a founding member today you will get exclusive merchandise that is only available until november 27. sign up now at fox nation .com. also, i want to remind everyone that tomorrow we have a special edition of the five. sunday at 5:00 p.m. isn't that exciting? we will be outside, too. i know. don't forget to look up me and tom but we will be --
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>> five dates in december. get the tickets out. greg: charlie, well done. you could use some new pants. tom, excellent. kat, great job. tyrus, awesome. thank you audience. i love you, america. jesse: welcome to. "watters' world," i'm jesse watters. president trump is rallying the crowd in pensacola, florida. let's listen in. president trump: they knew it would be a painful evening. evander hollyfield, the real field. we are also thrilled to be joined by a florida football legend who truly knows how to win. he won them all and he had a


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