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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  November 11, 2018 1:00am-2:00am PST

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become a founding member. i'm jeanine pirro, advocating for truth, justice and the american way. greg gutfeld is next. see you next saturday night. >> what question is that? >> just curious. >> just sit down please. sit down. i did not call you. i did not call you. should we keep this going for a little while? excuse me, i'm not responding to you. please, sit down. it is so sad. greg: it is. that's how you handle hecklers. [cheering and applause]
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greg: tonight the election aftermath, conservatives expressed their rage all over the country. here's tape of the chaos in the streets. it did not end there. malls and shopping centers became targets of our wrath. ugly, ugly, ugly. we did not stop there but hit the streets to talk to the traumatized. >> fox news decision says the democrats will take control of the house of representatives for the first time in eight years. ~ medusa back to president trump's legislation addenda. >> [bleep] are you that upset about the midterms? >> no man. we have to hit the batting cages.
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>> okay. all right. >> democrats control the house. the reason we make the call is -- [inaudible] >> did you hear about the midterms? >> no. but i hit 50 in a row. >> awesome job, bro. >> it's a very, very big deal. >> i want to die. my hair, black or brown. nothing new. >> giving pressure up to liberals who want to investigate box -- >> we lost the house. >> no, we didn't. it's right there. [laughter]
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greg: there you go? [cheering and applause] as you can see, we did not hit the streets. we did not hit anything. what a comparison to 2016. two years ago when the republicans held the house and there was this. greg: now on wednesday when we lose there is this. ♪. greg: so true. [cheering and applause] but get this. there were protests but not from the losing side of the actual winners.
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making them the world's biggest losers at winning. this protest took place on thursday and they were howling over trump firing jeff sessions. he was attorney general for 636 days and entrance white house that is a long time. it is 63.5 anthony scary movies. [laughter] so how desperate and lonely does the liberal have to be to protest the firing of a right winger? they are sad that sessions is gone but he's to the right of genghis khan. he would give you the electric chair for wearing sandals to work. i'm pretty sure he hunts begins on a private island. nude begins. [laughter] i don't know why i added that. if that is what leftists do when they win what would they have done if they had lost?
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[applause] greg: i really feel bad for share. [laughter] she just has a new tear ducts. it's a lesson about losing and winning and its they can't stand to win and that would mean they cannot whine. here's the chairman of the democratic party being told he's one house but not the senate. ♪. greg: give them the house and the storm yours. you extend a hand in they give you the finger. for us it's another day and we have life.
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when i first heard the democrats one, it hurt. i had no choice but to do this. >> i'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. b5 what can i do? i like peanut butter and jelly. even when we lose, we know we will when the next time we see the bright side everywhere. with the house during blue donald trump really has a new friend, a new foil and it's like when the jeffersons with next door to archie bunker. a lot of people don't remember that but isn't it more fun to play tennis against another person and not a garage door even if that person is nancy pelosi? all right. maybe not. more good news. three leaders of the cabin out which trial got booted. that's a great message. [cheering and applause]
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the message put fairness behind self-righteousness to suspend due process and you're out on your cowardly ass. i hope there next job is serving beer. i love beer. finally, the other silver lining, most beloved progressive of all lost. [cheering and applause] the media called this kennedy asked and they were not referring to his driving. [laughter] he was iraq star without the herpes. i'm glad he lost it only to drive his celebrity fans who never heard of him until a few months ago not see this mysterious space object. you might believe is an alien spacecraft but that is fatal
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leaving for his home planet. [laughter] the eto when you see the hype know there's less than meets the eye with immediate liberties during together over a candidate you know he or she will be to the left of anyone with a pulse. or madonna. [laughter] compare that to -- insult madonna and you are like -- geez louise. compare that to drop and get the most media attention of anyone and it was free but mostly negative which proves if the media tells you one thing you'll always do the other. no one hyped trump as the next great thing. the media turned circus promoters and wall-to-wall clown him and that clown wiped the floor with hillary's e-mails. maybe there a lesson here for democrats? beto because all of his faults he was real. the democrats crop of candidates for 2020 aren't. they are pool toys worthless and waiting to be inflated.
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[laughter] but maybe they will figure it out. my suggestion, go pretty exciting voices of your party. ♪. greg: or maybe this ♪ ♪. greg: or perhaps this. ♪. greg: hamster as a bp? why not. we almost had tim came. let's welcome tonight's champ, he so sharp he can poke holes in water, tv writer and producer
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rob long. [cheering and applause] first, first-time guest he's a pediatric he wants dated the statue of liberty, and author and former secret service agent, dan longino. [cheering and applause] she is so bright you can see her thoughts from space, national security analyst morgan ortega ortega's. [cheering and applause] and unlike the democrats he could literally flip a house. former you wwe superstar and my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] all right, rob. give your take on this week on the outcome. >> outcome was what we expected. the red states were voted red and the democrats turned the house but look, clinton, bush, obama and now trump have all had this happen.
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everyone acts like this big freaky thing but it's the way it has been for 30 years. they say it's a historic note on tonight and cut to him people he. this is nothing new. i've seen this movie and know how this movie ends. it ends in tears. greg: it does. any of the close he is like bob ewing, she's in the shower and was a stream but she's back. [laughter] oh stop it. bobby ewing is from dallas. tyrus: i watch it negatively. i get it. he was the more attractive. greg: he was the only one who died and then brought it back. getting off track. democrats, are they the worst losers in the worst winners in history? >> it was horrible because the
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split decision was great for talking heads like great for business. the reality is it's horrible for america because there is no clear front runner for 2020 the merge so have to deal with this nonsense of the fact that nobody kicked the other parties ass and now every one of the sites has to make the case of the next two years it will be no, we want because you want the senate and the governor and now we one and it's almost like a definitive outcome just to shut up. but it's great for business. greg: ambiguity is awesome because we can sit here and scream about it forever. morgan, what did you make of it? >> i'm just happy florida screwed up again. where would we be if we could deal with this? greg: is the crazy cousin that shows up at things giving and decides to write the lawnmower into the lake. [laughter] >> i'm from florida and i wrote a three wheeler into the lake and maybe this make sense. greg: so you understand. you are the florida whisper. [laughter] i don't even know what that means but it sounds great. >> it is only those counties
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though. greg: it is just to counties. tyrus, thoughts? tyrus: everyone got what they wanted. everyone is still upset. so, were just a bunch of spoiled kids. greg: what did you make of the midterm outcome? tyrus: i just said that. everyone got what they wanted and they still complain. i can't deal with you. greg: they are like kids they got what they wanted for christmas but in the wrong col color. >> yeah, and notice the democrats were mad that trump seem to be celebrating. they were mad he was happy. cannot to be happy and great freudian analyst would say this is exactly what the problem with happiness is. can't be happy if someone else is happy to why can't they all celebrate. tyrus: it's mind games. he comes out and says good job, guys. and they like know you're supposed to cry. he darth baynard them.
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greg: he did a history of how great it was compared to previous elections. he had that already planned. greg: up next, what are we talking about cnn's jim acosta? he gets more airtime then pollen. [cheering and applause] i am a family man.
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i am a techie dad. i believe the best technology should feel effortless. like magic. at comcast, it's my job to develop, apps and tools that simplify your experience.
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my name is mike, i'm in product development at comcast. we're working to make things simple, easy and awesome. greg: he was told to take a hike for not giving up the microwave they suspended the rentals of jim acosta after this went down. >> mr. president, if i may. president trump: that is enough. that is enough. >> that's enough. cnn should be ashamed of itself having you work for them. you are rude, terrible person and should not be working back. [cheering and applause] greg: they are applauding him and they can't even hear. after all that they suspend his credentials and said his behavior was unacceptable and
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you could agree trump was not much better but acosta did poke the bear on purpose and was not some press he wrote in their risking life and limb. he was a ball hog who were not let other reporters asked questions after he had a ton and when the reporters did get to ask questions guess what? trump gave it to them like he did to acosta. but do you know who else trump gave it to? republican candidates who lost but do they want to embrace? president trump: peter roskam did not want to be embraced. eric paulsen did not want the embrace. mia love gave me no love and she lost. too bad. sorry about that, mia. greg: and sorry about that, mia. trump is an equal opportunity combatant. [laughter] it is not you, acosta, it is everyone. relax and get yourself some healing crystals. they are very powerful. right, felix?
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♪. greg: you know he's a republican. damn, that was not supposed to be part of the story but as you said on the fight yesterday acosta always is. >> only breaking the story about acosta are about acosta. the best part of that clip is peter alexander trying to defend him and says trump, i'm not a big fan of you, either. [laughter] here's what the media constantly screws up with the trump i grew up in queens and we don't have the money the manhattan kids have. we don't have prestige but were never assumed to be tough like the brooklyn and bronx kids.
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trump the queen. and you have to do everything big and hyperbolic and everything is tremendous and huge and the media will never get us. anyone in this audience is from queens you know what i'm talking about. that is donald trump. [applause] greg: morgan, apparently we have a lot of people from queens in our audience. do you think that banning acosta was a good idea? they did not really been in but took his past. >> i don't feel bad for him. let me tell you who i do feel bad. that poor girl. you're in college and you're so excited you get to go to the white house and be an intern and now she's a viral internet. greg: look at it this way, that's the intern story under trump. [laughter] greg: nevermind ago to a different microphone joke later. >> but other people i feel bad for these to be up press
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secretary for candidates running for the senate and congress and his press secretary whenever your candidate or elected official get up there you always even if they're good you hold your breath because i can't imagine sarah sanders fitting their with this -- what's up mr. president? greg: i do feel comfortable when i'm watching it, tyrus and nervous when the going on but then it always ends up being front. tyrus: well, with a wrestling background i'm all about the promos in other people's face. acosta is just not very good at the comeback. he needs to take a class on throwing the iss es. he plays the victim. i'm surprised he did not fall down when she grabbed the microphone like oh my god, help. mr. president, get her off me. in the intern, she needs to learn how to take a microphone away. just snatch it. you take it, and then he walked
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off with him still hanging on. improv goes wrong. let's go, sir. take mike and he goes with you. it was a lot of this physical difference between her and you. tyrus: confidence is confidence. snatch that thing. >> i have a four -year-old. take the mic. become an. greg: in her defense is the most dangerous place to be between two egomaniacs and one microphone. [laughter] >> is like being next to two angry chimpanzees with one banana. she's not getting paid enough for that. [applause] tyrus: she could have lost a finger. [inaudible conversations] greg: this is not an attack on the press but the guy spoke for 90 minutes and answered every question and his most
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transparent politician ever. >> you could tell by the people defending him his colleague said look, he's not my cup of tea. were not friends but he is universally loathed and they all hate him. greg: acosta. >> yeah, they all hate that guy. they're having to do what a lot of people do something about trump is not my guy but on the other hand and they are perfectly matched those two. after he's out of office they could go do a show. greg: that would be lovely. >> he goes out the next morning and takes another 30 minutes of questions. greg: with the helicopter in the background. drives me crazy. all right. that's why i sold mine. [laughter] if the election story that no one covered until now. we'll make that the minutes from now. don't forget, i'll be doing to live shows next month.
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called the gutfeld monologues. rapids, michigan in san antonio, texas. plus a special guest with tom sulu. go to g gutfeld .com for info. [cheering and applause]
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happy anniversary dinner, darlin'. can this much love be cleaned by a little bit of dawn ultra? oh yeah one bottle has the grease cleaning power of three bottles of this other liquid. a drop of dawn and grease is gone.
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i'm ebony k williams and now back to the greg gutfeld show. greg: he may be dead but he is still ahead. you may remember a guy named dennis hoff who ran the moonlight bunny ranch at the brothel in nevada don't know what a brothel is -- hbo gave it a reality show or so they tell me. i've never heard of the guy or the show actually. mac you can the episode this thursday or friday night on hbo. or you can get it on demand. training is done in the newsroom are the dennis hoff and one of his lovely bunnies, but taylor. greg: in my defense hi thought he raised actual bunnies. anyway, dennis won a seat in the nevada legislator as a republican. landslide. 70% of the vote and even though this is where it gets interesting dennis hoff died
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last month. after a weekend of partying with his 72nd birthday and by partying i mean sleeping with hookers. apparently his torso was discovered by porn star ron jeremy and i never heard of him either. [laughter] and ron jeremy porn star legend had more people than the irs. well, almost [bleep]. who keeps finding these clips? republicans have to pick someone else to fill the dennis hoff seat. i know who i would think. >> [bleep]. [bleep]. oh my god. [bleep]. greg: is still upset. morgan, i made libertarian and sometimes am and i wish more
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dead people would be elected to office because i'd be less damage being done. >> i love this because he's a brothel owner when he died he literally went out with a bang. [laughter] but were making fun of him but he's a serious author and i don't know if you noticed but there was the art of war and then the art of the deal and others the art of the pimp. greg: that is true. he had a great sense of humor and on the show couple of times on redeye and i do feel that running a brothel is like a politician. either way you are screwing someone with their money. >> yeah, right. and you are all lying about your age, to trade. [laughter] most surprising thing about the clips were those were ten years ago and you look pretty good. did you have worked on? greg: no, i lost weight. i was a fat drunk and now i'm a skinny drunk. >> truth about this is it reveals that voters don't care
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or no. that was people were not voting for him because they love them because they were like yeah, that guy is fine. people are busy and they don't really keep up with it. especially in nevada where god knows what is going on. greg: tyrus, so they pull a weekend at bernie's and have two people prop them up? tyrus: like prop them up to get to the party? my concern would be with the person he ran against. it's one thing to lose -- but to lose it to a data pimp. [laughter] i got to be honest. i'm going to need to talk to doctor drew when it's over. why don't they like me? a pimp. greg: he was successful entrepreneur. dan -- >> it is legal. tyrus: the way he makes money makes no difference to me -- i
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get it. he's a secretary in the money and negotiates and was around and file. but he's a pimp. greg: not anymore. tyrus: he lost to a pimp in a small town. everywhere she goes she's getting groceries. mom, that the lady that lost to the pimp. greg: the dead pimp. dan, if possible a public and is more confident than live democrat. [cheering and applause] cheap joke. cheap joke. sorry. >> remind me of every time you see -- on tv and moms like no, stop doing that. every time you do some the politicians was over but i ran for office three times and lost in gunsmoke too bad twice and almost pulled off and i can tell you if you think about running name id is everything. if they recognize this guys name
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and it didn't even matter if he was alive. think about the race in florida. true story, a guy says to me who's the other night running for senate and i said no nelson nelson, isn't that the guy for the cornhusker kickback and said brother were in florida. he was thinking of ben nelson. he did not even know. greg: i don't even know those nelsons although i know the band nelson. remember they were the sons of ricky nelson? what was the song? can't live without your love and affection. >> was at the blonde ponytail's? greg: soaring harmonies. >> it was bad. greg: i should go to the -- before i make people sick. i'm back to 2010. up next, he's a senior citizen suing to change his age because he feels 45. we discussed why the planet is going to hell next. [cheering and applause]
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tyrus: . greg: you can change your race and gender aplenty so why not /-slash or age by 20? name is -- and he's asked nine years old and is suing to legally knock 20 years off his age. because a whole lot of reasons why. doctors tell them is biologically 45 and he suffers from agent dissemination. no job offers and no dates. he says when i'm on tender and it says i'm 69 i don't get an answer but when i'm 49 with the face i have all been a luxurious position. [laughter] a local court is excited to make a ruling in a few weeks. given that rachel -- remember her, white lady the claims she's
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black why can't an old man declared himself young or how about the opposite? for more we go to brad von bradley, a 24 -year-old who now self identifies as an 88 -year-old man. brad, how are you? >> good but my hip is killing me, greg. greg: brad, you seem like a perfectly healthy young man. >> when you get to be my age, things are falling apart. greg: brad, that does not make sense because you're 24. >> if i identify as an 80 -year-old and that is who i am. greg: why are you doing this? >> is off the charts. yet earlybird specials, movie matinees are cheaper and you can nap any time anywhere and here is the best part. i can beat the crap out of anyone my age. i just won three gold at the senior olympics. greg: that is not fair. you are a big, strong, 24
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-year-old man. >> no, no greg. i'm a frail 80 -year-old man. greg: that seems like cheating. you're entering the senior licks at your age. when were you born? >> 1930. greg: know. your actual birth certificate says you are born in 1994. >> yeah, i've been meaning to change that. greg: is that all about you winning the senior licks? greg: >> you got me, greg b5 what are you doing now with poisonous scorpion? >> i've had a good run, man. it's time to die. greg: once again we lose brad. a somber ending there. tyrus -- thoughts? tyrus: you are seriously going to me after that? greg: people are lying about who they are.
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tyrus: he can lie about his age. women have been doing it for ever. [laughter] you know what? we bend the bad guys. mendez, then that and he tried to do what he's all been doing forever. fake eyelashes. extensions. but let's. rest jobs. you been lying to us for centuries and we have children and they don't look like mom because mom lied to you. [laughter] oh, i'm lying. i'm just being real, america. straight out, he's messing up. we know he's an old guy trying to be on so don't put it in the media and change your age to get chicks. moved to beautiful southern california, hollywood area get a nice car and you can get all the young gold digging girls you can rent models and social media stars.
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it will be like floating in water in the river. you can be older you can be 85 with a gold watch and you'll get a girl. greg: that is nice news. what do you think, ralph? >> i don't think age is his problem. he needs to lie about how much money he has left that usually is the subtle -- that's why these short old bad guys are standing in front of their $90000 car. greg: you're talking the one i rented for the -- [laughter] >> yes b5 dan, i think -- >> i drive a subaru. greg: that means you're really rich. >> i'm really happy with it. greg: this is the ultimate conclusion of science denial left. you can deny your own skin color like rachel -- why can't you deny your age? >> there is a tactical purpose unless it they want to wipe out
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objective truth. subjective truth then becomes the integration of the government bureaucrat and this is a tactical reason. think about the logical end. we talked about it from the 69 -year-old saying he's 65 but how dangerous would this be for bart? says he's emotional insurer and can you sue? this is the stupid stuff -- it may sound like a dumb question but someone will be -. greg: morgan, humans identify as animals. i -- well, i know if you. [laughter] >> keep your weekend activities to yourself. when i read this article i reached peak humanity. it's one of the articles i think bring on the robots. i saw this as they should worry all of us that we run are not on television. in china they have an ai robot that is reading the news and i thought dear god, if they make one of these i'm out of busine business. greg: i did more research and turns out it was anderson coop
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cooper. [laughter] up next, speaking of, who is the sexiest man alive? if it is not bill hammer, i am out of here. [cheering and applause] [ phone rings ] what?!
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