tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC November 21, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PST
>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- tracy morgan, from "delivery man," chris pratt "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from pusha t featuring pharrell williams and now, just in the nick of time, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here we go. i'm jimmy. welcome to the show. thank you very much.
thank you for being with us. thank you for -- thank you for braving the elements to be here tonight. the weather was wow, i think we got 1/18 inch of precipitation over the last 24 hours. we have counselors available if any one was hit by a rain drop. for those of you whuch lio live normal cities it rained here this morning. i don't know if we will ever be able to recover from it. everyone was late to work here this morning. everyone was complaining abut tabut -- about the traffic. you would think we got hit by a tornado. we got .26 inches of ran for real. i think you get wetter if someone knesneezes. that did not stop the local news channels to spring into action to cover every drop of storm watch 2013. >> check out the new video in from the wharf. puddles building up there. our team is standi ining by. >> it is not too bad. >> just within the past few
minutes. the wind started picking up a little bit and started drizzling a little bit. >> talking about a good soaking, mils or drizzle. >> wow this weather is affecting everything. >> over downtown l.a., drivers that didn't slow down ran into this huge puddle. >> in terms of the perfect hair style impossible on a day look today. >> behind me, the wet sidewalks from the rain earlier this morning. there are even cautious signs warning people of slippery conditions. >> jimmy: whoa, it is more serious than i thought. i didn't realize there were caution signs. pray for us, america. please. they get so excited. this is pretty great. a special shout out to the local nbc weather reporter, hetty chang, you ask a question, a question you want to ask, you are scared to ask, it is uncomfortable, hetty wasn't scared. >> parkas are coming in handy as rain pelts santa monica.
the rain snarling already bad rush-hour traffic everywhere. how are you keeping dry? >> just cover your head. [ applause ] >> jimm >> jimmy: out of the mouths of babes. "cover your head." our local fox affiliate covered our biblical rain l rainfafall,s in sherman oaks, on green screen or a fairy godfather, who flies around his head. >> you have this mist. they see what is happening up north. pablo in the weather center, concerned it will get a lot more serious, a lot more serious as we go on. pab lo pablo i am standing here wet. you are nice and dry in the weather center. >> we are nice and dry. how would you look to go out, blizzard snow conditions. >> no, no. i will take the rain any day.
>> jimmy: right in the doppler. thanksgiving is, a week away. week from tonight. thanksgiving is a powerful reminder of why families only get together once or twice a year. they say fewer americans are traveling for thanksgiving this year. aaa estimates that 43.3 million will travel. down 1.5% from last year. i think that is, the way we do things doesn't make any sense. especially holidays. everybody is on the road at the same time. everybody trying to book the same flights. it is dumb. it should be staggered. last name starting a-f, have thanksgiving next week. g-l, thanksgiving the week after that. if your last name starts with an r, jesus was born in march. solve a lot of parking problems at the mall. probably miley's favorite holiday tradition is, a relatively new one. it is black friday. i lost a lot of friend on black friday last year. here's a good tip for getting the best deals on black friday. sweep the leg. most go for the head or eyes.
stake the shopper to the ground. so you can climb over them to get to waffle irons. some people have been camped out for black friday sales since monday t monday, 12 days before. one guy outside best buy, akron, heaters, tent, queen sized bed in the tent. are we sure these aren't homeless people looking for a well-lit spot to sleep. this year a lot of the, the stores aren't weight until black friday. target, macy's, k mart are opening on thanksgiving day. and they even have a terrible new nickname for that day. >> stores keep opening earlier and earlier for black friday. so early in fact that it's become brown thursday. brown thursday is the new black friday. >> are you ready for brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday. >> brown thursday.
>> black friday is like, huh, it's become brown thursday. >> jimmy: no it hasn't. it hasn't become anything. this is not ham pen ippening. we are not calling it brown thursday. it has a name -- its name is thanksgiving. that's the name of the day! it's not brown thursday. [ applause ] we can't let this become a thing. we really, anyone using the word brown thursday should be choked on sight. just choke them. not every day need a color. are these holidays or terror alerts. i have never be in more serious about anything than i am about this. will you help me. you better help me. this is a larming, too. according to a new health study. children, the little people always following us around. children today are significantly less fit than their parents. it takes modern kids on average, 90 seconds longer to run a mile
than in 1983. i blame the baby bjorn. parents get abs of steel. their kids turn into human dumplings being carried around. researchers say that kids are 15% less fit than their parents were. they wear their t-shirts in the pool 80% more. i've don't know that we needed a study to figure this out. just look around. a picture of our most famous child a generation ago. here is our most celebrated kid today. but, children's thumbs have never been stronger. what these kids need, i thought of this today, p 90 x box. no? [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. >> guillermo: you are welcome. >> jimmy: wake up, guillermo. >> guillermo: i'm awake. >> jimmy: you are paying attention. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: city councilman in l.a. leading a charge to change
the law on cat ownership. in l.a. legally allowed to own three cats. fortunately no ferret limit, i have eight. in an attempt to get animals off the streets, a councilman is trying to up the cat limit to 5 per house. means tiger, smoky, shadow, meet sassy and midnight. people really do love their cats. two cats in indiana, just received an inheritance of $250,000 of a 4,200 square foot house. their owner, leon shepard sr., specified money in the house would go to cats frisky and jake. the will states money used for the care of the cats and maintenance of the house they're living in. once the cats die, whatever is left will go to human heirs, what's this, i am told that his human heirs have just killed frisco and jake. so, very sad news. but congratulations. [ applause ] >> jimmy: are any of you -- fans of the show, "duck dynasty" a
very popular, the show is so popular it spawned its own line of duck dynasty wine, cruise, and christmas album. which is very bad news for the six geese a-laying. this its the album. it is called, this is reelal "dk the halls" and did all the selling. like most products, it is selling well. sold almost 70,000 copies the first week. outsold, toby keith, biggest holiday debut in ten years. selling so well. putting out a holiday album this year targeted at a slightly different demographic. ♪ dreidel, dreidel, dreidel for frz -- i made it out of wood if you do not like it you better watch your attitude, friend ♪ ♪ menorah, menorah menorah
the jewish people light them and circumcise their -- ♪ ♪ latkes are delicious i eat them all day long they're really just hash browns ♪ >> mazel tov. >> jimmy: i knew the guys were jewish. it's our tribute to the fcc we bleep and blur, whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> the mayor of toronto, [ bleep ], [ bleep ], has been stripped of his mistakes. >> i made mistakes, i drank too much, i [ bleep ], i [ bleep ]. >> you get that opportunity on the campaign trail of [ bleep ], [ bleep ] in a way that you can't imagine. >> hey, take a look at this [ bleep ]. off awe h >> human [ bleep ] is trying to clear his name taking his fight to the state appeals court. he's angry he was, convicted of a crime for [ bleep ] pigeons in
his own backyard. >> j.r. smith, saw the shot, head down, buried on the towel, and a teammate rubbing [ bleep ]. >> i know you don't like new york, but you have got to come [ bleep ] me. >> so government is sucking hundreds of billions of [ bleep ] out of that vast middle america. >> how small your [ bleep ] started on pretty small. >> what's your biggest [ bleep ] regret? ooh, that's a tough one. >> yeah. >> wow, biggest [ bleep ] regret? >> guess what i got? it's our [ bleep ] men's fashion show. because we want the focus to be on the jacket. i think the title probably says it all. [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] off. i never got to say that word on television before. [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] off. >> ha-ha-ha, i still can't believe you [ bleep ] that butt with your face. >> stop talking! ♪ >> jimmy: when we come back, we have something exciting. once again, we have assembled a group of abused celebrities asked them to read terrible
things people wrote about them on twitter in our latest edition of "mean tweets" and plus, tracy morgan, chris pratt and music from pusha t featuring pharrell williams. so come on back. ♪ [ male announcer ] this is the comfort of full-grain napa leather. this is a fully equipped crafted interior. this is dual-pane. this keeps you up to date with everything and everyone. this is nine years that give you 31 miles per gallon, highway, and leds come standard. this is the freedom to keep chasing all the horizons you want. introducing the all-new 2014 jeep cherokee. ♪ ♪ filming a card to send to the fam. ♪ ♪ singing carol-oke with my best friends. ♪ ♪ hanging out with mom, ♪ making ninjabread men all day, ♪
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hope it will encourage them to quit for good. i will say, also a great day to start smoking. a lot of people -- giving away cigarettes for nothing. tonight at midnight, the hunger games catching fire opens in theaters. in this one, catness and pita which sound like something you would order with a side of humus. are asked to fight to the death on television. an interesting concept. bravo should make "the real housewives" fight to death. right? [ applause ] the first hunger games movie was primarily an action movie. but the sequel has a different tone. it is lighter. well look at the trailer. i think you will see what i mean. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: catness aberdeen came from the wrong side of the tracks she would rather hunt for her dinner than hunt for a man. until she took a magical horse drawn carriage ride to a ball. where she was transformed into
the princess she always was. >> good girl on fire. >> this november, don't be afraid to dive into happily ever after. from the director of 27 dresses. jennifer lawrence, liam hemsworth and probably kate hudson. because sometimes the most dangerous games. >> go ahead. >> announcer: are the games of the heart. ♪ ooh girls just want to have fun ♪ >> jimmy: and one more thing before we charge forward with vigor. in general, celebrities get a lot of adulation. people want to take pictures with them. people want to see them on vacation. for some reason when it comes to the internet things can get ugly. especially on twitter. i think some people don't know that celebrities actually read theten about them. a lot of them do. it can be very hurtful.
off to raise awareness of this important issue once again we, invited some of our famous friend to read some of the nastiest, malicious things tweet add but them. i think, i hope you will find this to beep bo both educationa entertaining. this is our fifth installment of "mean tweets." >> can tweets even be mean? >> your face is so stupid. i hate you, john kryzinski. okay. >> is there a kick starter campaign for kevin james to never make another movie? >> chris o'donnell has a potato face. he does. #potatoface. >> i remember when the words sharon stone is on television brought me joy. instead of -- i hate that bitch.
>> nick's hand seem crazy small compared to his head. >> if i had to choose between [ bleep ] apple pie or jason biggs, i would choose the pie. that dude has a dirty [ bleep ]. ha-ha. >> what in the [ bleep ] is up with amy pohler's face? bitch looks like she survived a nuclear blast. >> great acting, dennis quaid. you old, irrelevant pig. >> aaron paul has a small [ bleep ]. >> really, mark ruffalo, that's the face you are going with. god this movie is going to suck. >> hank from "breaking bad" is just a fat bruce willis. >> mcloven sucks on
>> i am sick of seeing your [ bleep ] face on tv, you are not the center of the universe [ bleep ]. >> look at me i am julia louis dryfess, i was on seinfeld, the show about people eating pickles and [ bleep ], you -- >> larry david, exclamation point, shut the [ bleep ] up! you shut the [ bleep ] up! >> jimmy: people are the worst. we have a good show tonight -- chris pratt is here. we have music from pusha t with pharrell williams, and we'll be right back with tracy morgan. s soo --
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and then his album is called "my name is my name." pusha t with pharrell williams from the sony stage. next week we'll be joined by casey affleck, demi lovato, mike tyson, emile hirsch, patton oswalt and we'll have music from the 1975 and linkin park with steve aoki. and i'd like to thank the toronto mayor's office for sending me this gift. this is an official mayor rob ford bobblehead doll see his head goes. i don't know if you can get that at home. but -- his hair appears to have been dipped in gold. like the mayor himself. why did they make his hair gold president? great thing is, he signed it for me. you can see at the bottom, mayor rob ford. and he made a little heart.
well, thank you, mayor ford. i love this. i will pressure this. this will be on my table for thanksgiving dinner. all right. after several years of -- repeatedly threatening to get somebody pregnant. a great pickup lean. our first guest did that. a new father you can see in connecticut, saturday. in anchorage, alaska, december third, and san francisco, december 5, 6, 7. please welcome the wonderful tracy morgan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
>> jimmy: very, very good to see you. >> what's happening? >> jimmy: you look great? >> the dude over by the door with the jacket on. >> jimmy: guillermo. >> no, black dude. >> jimmy: skip. >> he got a jacket on. >> jimmy: skip. >> he got a jacket on. glasses and a watch. >> jimmy: take off your jacket. >> and the glasses and the watch. he looks trust worthy. that's huh they get you all the time in court. i go to court i wear a watch and glasses so the jury can see it. >> jimmy: that's interesting. >> i look trust worthy. they say he ain't commit that crime. >> jimmy: what the hell are you wearing right now, by the way? >> hey, man, i had to top the mayor of toronto, look. >> jimmy: you look great. is burbury selling products at the flea market now? >> yes, they are, half price. >> jimmy: yeah. i want to congratulate you. >> looking to get a commercial
with this. super bowl commercial or something. >> jimmy: you are a new dad, congratulations. >> yeah, man. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> y'all, hey, man. ain't it like really nice to see like middle-aged men still making babies. >> jimmy: i knew you could do it. >> i am old school, man, i don't be pulling out. i don't know wear rubbers, i don't wear rubbers. if you ain't one willing to die for, you really didn't want it. >> jimmy: make a great billboard in these parts. by the way, this is, maybe the cutest picture of a baby i have ever seen in my life. >> that's my baby. >> that is your daughter. >> that's my maven. >> jimmy: she has your head. your head is on a baby. >> yeah. that's right. swhen w when she was born, i still wanted to go to maury povich.
>> jimmy: just to make sure? >> yes. yeah. >> jimmy: are you enjoying her? >> yeah, it changed my life. >> jimmy: how? >> well, when we, the baby first came home. i wanted to put the crib in the bedroom. i wanted to see my daughter. i wanted to see her sleep. my wife was look don't put the crib in the bedroom. the other day we was making love. the baby was looking through the crib, then she started cheering me on. hercules, hercules. go daddy, go daddy, go daddy. >> jimmy: speaking already? amazing. >> it was crazy, my lady her family is white. my family is black. the difference in the cultures how you raise babies. my family is like, well has she peaten a porter steak yet, rib eye. go get the baby a rib eye. >> jimmy: really. >> rub some pickle juice on her stomach if she is burping. >> jimmy: her family is not like that. >> no, you rub relish on her
stomach. >> jimmy: difference in condiments. >> jimmy: does her family look you? >> yeah, i love them. they love me. chrissy, i love you. ricky, i love all of them. >> jimmy: your sons. sons are adults. >> they're nothing like paula deen. >> jimmy: your sons are nothing like paula deen. >> our family is, it's getting dark out here, jim, paula deen. people are way too hard on her. a 65-year-old white woman from the south. i wouldn't have trusted her if she did use the n word. you can't be so hard on her. listen, there is not a chef in the world that got that order for 175 chicken wings and didn't say this is for the [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yes, it is getting dark out here. i knew it was getting dark when the pope quit.
he quit like he was working at mcdonald's. i'm tired of wearing this hat, gone. and come on, you got to give me at least two weeks notice, my man. >> jimmy: you are on the road now. >> it's getting dark. the guy that ran in the olympics with the two fake legs killed his lady. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> first when i saw him in the olympics, i said that's cheating. he should be running with other people with fake legs. because real legs get tired. they got weight. they get tired. he never got tired. he was running on two pancake spatulas with hydraulics. with hydraulics! [ applause ] cheating! >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. tracy morgan is here. do stand-up. i want to talk about you in alaska. quite a trip. >> eskimos love me. >> jimmy: we'll find out about it when we come back. tracy morgan is here. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ve-star . i get times are tight.
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>> jimmy: we are back. tracy morgan is here. tracy, you are doing stand-up in, in connecticut. coming up. >> all over the world baby. >> jimmy: in saturday. in anchorage, alaska, december 3rd. >> wait till they get a load of me. >> jimmy: have you been to alaska before? >> never been to alaska. never had anybody like me in
alaska. in alaska, you black. sarah, i'm coming! >> jimmy: do you think sarah palin will be there to greet you. >> she's at the show. >> jimmy: you never met her? >> never met her. if i might have met her, she!q. sorry, dawg. >> jimmy: speak of pregnancy, of course mentioned you have a new baby, maven. you have christmas coming up. >> yeah, you know, the following tradition, our first christmas coming up. i really, you know, and, me and my mother put this thing together. i brought the clip. want to show you. start a new tradition for my daughter. >> jimmy: what i am told. something like, elf on a shelf. >> i wanted to do it my way for my baby. >> jimmy: for chanukah, they have mench on a bench. >> right. >> jimmy: this is something you are marketing? >> this is something me and my
mother are, we are marketing, put it out there i want you to check it out. want to get your opinion on it. gyp i would love to. let's take a look. >> elf on a shelf, a beloved christmas tradition. he watches over the children to make sure they behave. but who keeps track of little boys and girls during kwanzaa. >> yo, get your hand out that cookie jar before you ruin your dinner! >> ah! >> introducing brother in the cupboard. for idea about how kids should behave. when they're naughty brother in a cupboard sends a gentle reminder. >> of stop that damn fighting or there is no presents for none of y'all! you hear me! >> you never know where he will pop up next. >> you best remember to brush those teeth. >> ah! >> warning, don't get brother in the cupboard wet or his behavior may become erratic. >> baby kinks that was
incredible. i need something cold to drink. >> what the -- is going on here. >> she was being naughty. naughty as -- no presents for you. that was just ape test. a that was just a test. >> brother in the cupboard. order and get snoop on the stoop. >> tracy morgan. see him in connecticut saturday. san francisco, december, 5, 6, 7. thank you, tracy. we will be right back with chris pra pratt.
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you've got to try this sweet & sour chicken helper. i didn't know they made chicken. crunchy taco or four cheese lasagna? can i get another one of those actually? [ superfan ] hey, america, we're here to help. ♪ this is the creamy chicken corn chowder. i mean, look at it. so indulgent. did i tell you i am on the... [ both ] chicken pot pie diet! me too! [ male announcer ] so indulgent, you'll never believe they're light. 100-calorie progresso light soups. >> jimmy: our next guest plays andy on "parks & recreation" and male characters with other names in "moneyball" and "zero dark thirty."
starting tomorrow you can see him in "delivery man" alongside vince vaughn. please welcome chris pratt. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> right there. very good to see you. we know each other. you have not been on the show before. i saw your movie. it is very, very funny. you are very funny. i don't want to ruin it. a dad the kids don't listen to at all. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you don't seem to leave the house ever. >> right. >> jimmy: right. >> i play a dad who is a single father of four in a movie about a guy, vince's character, vince vaughn's character, who is -- about to become a parent in real life and also find out that through, through donating to a fertility clinic and errors he
made he is the biological father of 533 children. >> jimmy: like tracy. >> like tracy. he has been donating for years. >> jimmy: tracy morgan's story. >> that's right. >> jimmy: you play the dad. >> i have four kids. i am basically the best job. i was wearing a bathrobe all most the whole movie. >> jimmy: nice. >> the key in hollywood, always tie yourself to like working with kids because they're done at 8:00 p.m. >> jimmy: right. >> they can't work past 8:00. if your scenes are with kids. i was fat. got to eat anything i wanted. great. >> jimmy: what is your plan for thanksgiving. do you cook? >> my mother-in-law, a really big, big day for her. biggest day of the year. she plans it months in advance. we're going to, i cook, one small portion of the meal. but she makes everything, turkey. >> jimmy: you are a hunter? will you shoot a turkey?
>> no, i'll shoot some squirrels. >> jimmy: where does this dinner take place? >> it takes place in washington, edmonds, washington where my wife is from the i grew up 20 minutes north of there. >> jimmy: your wife is on a show. >> not shooting squirrels in griffith park here in l.a. >> i have not. never done that. >> jimmy: shoot the squirrel with a shot gun? how does that work? >> no, you could. but these are like karen's pet squirrels kind of. i just reach out and snap their neck. no. we use a b.b. gun. >> jimmy: do you eat the squirrels? >> eat the heart raw and cook up the meat. >> jimmy: you do not? you eat the heart raw. squirrel heart. >> yeah. >> jimmy: give you the power of a squirrel. >> i think, i always eat a little piece of the heart raw of anything i kill. >> jimmy: anything. >> anything. >> jimmy: with the squirrel can't get a piece.
>> one chomp it is down. yeah. >> jimmy: you really are a man. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: tastes good? awe off it taste . >> it tastes like, ever had rat? i haven't. it tastes like what a rat smells like. >> jimmy: that's nice. hey, this is your, we were talking babies and tracy. this is your baby. your boy. >> he has a big head, look at him. he is off the charts. he is off the charts on the head. >> jimmy: is he really? measured the head? evaluate the head? i don't think they should do that. >> mean was too. mine was too. >> jimmy: sure, you are his father. >> i think. i think so. i hope, sore some oor some one giant head. >> jimmy: are you good with kids in general. >> i'm getting good. getting beltetter. >> jimmy: did you have any experience before this?
>> just baby sitting. i babysat. i was not a good babysitter. i remember, what's, i remember one time, babysitting -- oh, man. i hope, i hope -- sophie who hired me to watch her two children isn't watching the show. i remember waking of on the couch when i was babysitting. and the kid, the little girl had put her little brother in the oven. ha-ha. she didn't turn it on. but he was eating soil out of like a house plant. i was like, oh, boy. this is not good. >> jimmy: you were not a good babysitter. yeah, yeah. falling asleep is bad. putting a kid in the oven, really maybe the number one rule of babysitting. make sure the kids stay out of the oven. >> i didn't put him in there. but yeah, the number one rule. i think the, the sister tried to cook him because she turned the burners on, but it was the burners on the top.
so. i outsmarted her. see that was me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you move out to l.a. to become an actor? or actor before? >> i moved out here for acting. that was my reason. i wasn't an actor right away. i was a waiter. and a room service waiter. bar tender. >> jimmy: were you as good at that as you were at babysitting? >> about as the good. about as good. i worked at a place, no longer there, in beaverly hills, earth not earth cafe. earth. it was very slow. and we would, i would man the bar, wait all the tables, and do, the room service and still be pretty bored. yeah, it was slow. >> jimmy: a hotel as well. >> hotel with a failing restaurant in it. i was one of its last employees. >> jimmy: a weird thing, be a room service waiter. you probably see a lot of naked people i imagine you would see.
>> you see some things. you know. you do. i never had -- i never had anything really good happen in terms of naked people. oh, there was a guy, ha-ha. this was in beverly hills. i remember i was bringing food to this guy. and he, he had like just undergone some crazy surgery his head was wrapped in gauze. he was like, stumbling to the door. i brought him his food. i'm like this poor guy is alone in this terrible hotel in beverly hills. he was there for a few days. i'm look what is, he is recovering from some brain surgery or something. i'm like, buddy, hey, this food is on the house, you know, your money is no good here. how are you doing? are you all right? check on him, give him extra dessert. there a couple days. bringing him food. and it turns out, there is like, a hair transplant facility, like a block away. he got hair plugs.
so, i was, he really played it up too. limping to the door. anyway. i'm like, man, this might be your last meal. on the house. >> jimmy: your squirrel heart was in the right place. good to see you. congratulations on all your success. the movie "delivery man." chris pratt, everybody. we'll be right back with music from pusha t and pharrell williams. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony.
hey uh-huh ♪ ♪ what's up y'all ♪ sorry mister i'm freeing to come home ♪ ♪ sorry mister i'm trying to come home ♪ ♪ well the walls are talking to me and i know you think i'm wrong ♪ ♪ hey sorry man i got to come home ♪ ♪ now when the phone start to click in your words start to echo ♪ ♪ say you got to hang up but the man won't let go oh my say it ain't so ♪ ♪ now we speaking on som that he say he ain't know ♪ ♪ we used to steal dirt bikes dodge raindrops so close thought we had the same pops ♪ ♪ graduated gettin' money on the same blocks but things changed and we ain't end up in the same box ♪ ♪ hear em whispers it ain't adding up giving you the jailhouse talk but you ain't mad enough ♪ ♪ i never thought i'd be the last man standing up ♪ ♪ i never thought
i'd had have to question were you man enough ♪ ♪ long letters how the streets got the best of you ♪ ♪ telling all your cellies how come i ain't sitting next to you ♪ ♪ yeah see i can read between the lines so it's awkward when you call and i gotta press five ♪ ♪ sorry mister i got to come home ♪ ♪ sorry mister i got to come home ♪ ♪ can you tell me where you were when the police broke that sorry, man, i got to come home ♪ got me tiptoeing through the conversation on our calls ♪ ♪ tryna act normal but the writing is on the wall ♪ ♪ it's like i hear you smiling when you heard they hit the wall ♪ ♪ but i just let it ride so i don't be the next to fall ♪ ♪ they say been getting money while i'm gone and wasn't he tryna holla at my chick when i was home ♪
♪ nah he selling cars it'd be him and lil rome i'm just tryna offset what he was saying on my phone ♪ ♪ nowadays don't need shovels to bury you pointing fingers like pallbearers how they carry you ♪ ♪ so much for death before dishonor might as well have a robe and gavel like your honor ♪ ♪ i just sit and wonder play it by the numbers when you ride like lightning then you crash like thunder ♪ ♪ seen your baby mama she ain't even know if she should speak ♪ ♪ what the is there to say knowing her king's now weak saying ♪ ♪ sorry mister i got to come home ♪ ♪ sorry mister i'm trying to come home ♪ ♪ sorry man hey i got to come home ♪ ♪ let's talk real ♪ let's be real ♪