tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC November 25, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PST
i'm very glad you're here. did any of you watch or go to the american music awards last night? you don't have to pretend to if you didn't. i don't care, really. the 41st annual american music awards were held. it was a very weird show. immediately i became concerned that someone had spiked my beer with a ha loollucinatiohallucin. ♪ >> that's what happens when you choose your sears portrait backdrop while high. we're going to need a bigger litter box. while her performance was
strange, she was definitely outstranged by lady gaga. the only thing she could do to shock us is dress head to toe in clothes from the gap. this is how she arrived at the amas, riding a horse made of people. you know the guy in the back called his mom and said guess what? i'm going to be lady gaga's horse's butt. i guess r. kelly was playing the john kennedy role and lady gaga was marilyn monroe. i can think of no tribute more fitting than this. >> oh, president kelly. ♪ honey i've had a bad day ♪ will you bring me a lunch ♪ ♪ what are you hungry for? ♪ ♪ you been working for me for six long years ♪ ♪ you know what i want
♪ i just want to hear you say it. ♪ ♪ i want that -- ♪ coming right up robert >> he wants that italian what? pasta? meat balls? what you can't leave us hanging like that. r. kelly is a recording artist and sandwich artist. pit bull hosted the show. i understand the idea of promoting other shows on your network, this is why you don't put the gang from shark tank on the front row. ♪ >> that must be his jam. he offered 100 grand for 20% of pit bull and he turned him down.
guillermo was at the amas. who did you interview? >> one direction. >> uh-huh. and who else? >> taylor swift. >> taylor swift. anybody else? >> luke wilson. >> you mean luke bryan? >> right. right. >> we will see. he's the best. there is nobody that knows more than guillermo. we will see the fruits of his labor later on. it's a good week. a short week because thanksgiving is almost upon us. thanksgiving travel is going to be especially unpleasant this year because of a big storm that started last week here in california and now moved into texas. more than 500 flights out of dallas fort worth were cancelled. i think this is god's way of saying stay home and overcook your own turkey. as bad as the weather is going to be this thanksgiving, air
travel next year might be worse. the fcc is reconsidering the ban on cell phones. phone calls have been banned since 1991 because the fcc was afraid that it would interfere with communication systems. they are thinking of lifting the ban so now not only do you get to watch the lady eating a tuna fish sandwich she brought from home, you get to hear her yell at her husband while she does it. there are ways to make air travel much, much worse. i think it's fine if people want to make calls from the plane, but i think they should have to step outside to do it. it makes me nuts. cell phones should be banned in all enclosed public spaces. elevators, buses. no one wants to hear you talk.
the person you're talking to probably doesn't even want to hear you talk. if you think anyone wants to hear you talk, record yourself talking and listen back and you will see what i mean. am i the only one who thinks they should focus on something else? i mean, i don't want to cause a riot. i would like to see the ban lifted on four ounce bottles of pantene first. first thing i'm going to do is order a pizza. i would like a large pepperoni pizza delivered to the sky. >> any bears fans here tonight? well, it was a bad weekend for bears fans. they saw they play off hopes diminish. they lost to the rams. two guys named joe and about are outside a bar. someone challenged somebody to a race. there is is a lot of talk.
i think we might need to talk about football fans as well. >> you're a bear. >> ready, set, go! [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> wait. why are those guys hugging? let's watch that again. okay. the guys are running. oh my god, what a horrible thing we just witnessed. you know, when you see something like that it really makes you appreciate how lucky we are to have each other. this is the news. the united states, great britain, russia france and germager germany struck a big deal with iran.
three months of show time, i think? it's a win win. i hope it works although i have trouble trusting a nation that photo shops most of its greatest achievements. the new president, i don't know about this guy either. he could go either way. i can't tell if he's friendly and willing to cooperate or if he drops his enemies through a trap door into a shark filled aquarium. this is definitely a boost for president obama. he is here in la to congratulate taylor swift. the president's motorcade made our miserable traffic even worse. he turned traffic into the traffic equivalent of the obama care website. the president is here for the same reason he is usually here. to attend a few democratic fundraisers and go to in and
out. it seems like the only time the president comes to la is for money. he's like a college student who only comes home to do his laundry and steal leftovers from the fridge. this is good. this is is a presidential item. on saturday, cnn ran a documentary about jfk. now wolf blitzer anchored the program before it and his sign off probably could have been worded better. >> thanks very much for watching. i'm wolf blitzer reporting from washington. the assassination of president kennedy begins right now. >> again? how much must this poor man goo through? this is interesting. did you know that pets get depressed. both dogs and cats suffer from depression, especially dogs trapped inside paris hilton's purse. and along with pet depression
comes a battery of experts who get paid to treat it. >> christina is a dog behavior expert who says that dogs can suffer from depression just as humans do. depression can be a real issue for cats as well. >> everyone is so proud of you. very proud of you. >> i'd be depressed if that woman was proud of me, too. if you do suspect that your put might be depressed there are warning signs to watch for. if your dog spends all day laying on the floor doing nothing, he might be depressed. or he might be happy. some dogs get so depressed, they go around sniffing other dog's butts just to feel alive. there is a solution and you do not need a prescription to get it. >> is your pet listless, mournful or sullen? now there is hope with poop. that provides all the happiness that dogs need.
dogs who have t tried poop have reported an increase in humping, running and humping. poop may cause damage to shoes. ask your gardener about poop. poop, it's the [ bleep ]. >> you need to take a break. >> taylor swift, luke wilson was one -- luke bryan, and uno direction, too. i think we have a clip. >> my name is guillermo. can you sing a song about me? ♪ >> break it down.
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fine. but guillermo is a trail blazer and he has developed his own style of interviewing that really gets them to open up. talking to the stars, back to back. >> hi. i'm very excited. i cannot believe it's you. how you doing? >> i'm so good. thank you so much for having me in this back to back interview. >> this is a great interview. i want to ask you a question. thanks give something around the corner. what are you thankful for? >> i'm thankful for my friends. i'm thankful for, i have a good cat. what are you thankful for? >> i'm thankful for you. >> that's so charming. >> i'm very thankful. you want to touch my muscles? >> a little bit. do i get to look or am i just blindly touching. >> whatever you want. >> you realize what they will say about you in the tabloids
now. >> it's okay, whatever they say. >> you say that now. >> this year, what are you thankful for? >> i'm thankful for my life, my family, my kids. the fact that i'm looking at you in a mirror. >> i'm thankful for tequila. >> tequila's good. >> you want some? >> tequila? >> yeah. >> cheers. >> let's do it. >> let's do it. >> for you. >> for you only! >> the things that i do for you guillermo. >> what did you call me? close enough. >> you want to spend thanksgiving with me? >> thanks giving with you? >> yeah. >> sure, what you got? >> here. have a leg. and a bucket of gravy. >> and a bucket of gravy? >> yeah.
>> i don't need the gravy. >> you don't like gravy? >> naw. >> you my type of guy. >> you can't eat just anybody's gravy. >> take a bite. it's good turkey. >> where you get this from? >> my mom made it. >> this is a big ass leg. i don't think i can eat it. >> you going to offend my mom like that? i thought we was friends. >> hi, how are you? >> i'm good. how are you? >> i'm going to try to guess who you are just by touching your face. okay? >> here we go. >> ready. >> i hope you're sanitized. >> elton john. >> very close. >> what kind of music you sing? >> country and western. mostly western. country and western.
>> western? luke bryan. >> good job. that's it, baby. >> wow. >> you're my favorite singer. >> thank you. you're my favorite person. >> thank you very much. i want to make you an offer, okay? >> okay. >> you can keep your armor, or you can get what is inside the mystery box. >> or i can get what's inside the mystery box? >> yes. it could be a vacation to hawaii, it could be a massage. it could be anything. >> i like la. why can't i have both? >> you don't like adventures? >> okay. why not. >> okay. you can keep whatever is inside the box. >> great. >> i'm going to count to three. one, two, three. >> oh god. thank you. >> wow. it's fancy. >> it's a cactus. >> no trade backs.
>> hi, ladies. how are you? >> we're great. >> how are you? >> good, good. okay. i want to ask you, why is i supposed to chase water falls? >> we want you to stick to the rivers and lakes that you're used to. >> it's a metaphor. >> i like metaphors. >> okay. >> the question that i want to ask one direction is do you guys like music? >> music's good. >> i love music. >> music is cool. >> do you like music. >> i like music. >> do you like music? >> yes, i love music. >> this is strange. >> who had a bite of this? >> oh my god. >> where are you going? >> you see, i'm drunk already.
>> thank you, guillermo. tonight on the show - emile hirsch is here - we have music from afi - and we'll be right back with demi lovato. stick around. you're talking to the guy who hasn't approved a new stapler purchase in three years. but then i saw the new windows tablet, with a real keyboard, usb port, and full office. it's a tablet that works for work. plus, it's got apps and games, for after hours, of course. compared to an ipad -- way more value. these tablets are such a steal; i couldn't find a reason not to buy them. ♪ honestly, i wanna see you be brave ♪ i couldn't find a reason not to buy them. get in the bag, get in the bag, get in the bag, ow! there's a better way to save...
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program - his new tv movie is called "bonnie & clyde" - i think he plays bonnie - emile hirsch is here. and then with music from this album it's called "burials" - a rare televised performance from afi - on the sony outdoor stage. the second part of afi's north american tour starts january 10th in tucson, arizona. tomorrow night casey afflek, mike tyson and more. our first guest tonight is a hugely popular singer, actress and reality tv star with more than 20 million followers on twitter and an army of fans called 'lovatics', seriously. watch her on "the x factor" wednesday and thursday nights on fox. please welcome demi lovato. [ applause ]
>> how's it going? >> good. how are you? >> this reminds me of like when i was in high school. >> like a week ago? >> yeah, no. seeing you reminds me of a week ago when i saw you but it's almost like a thompson twins look that you have now. >> i don't know who they are. >> wow. you don't know the song hold me now? or doctor doctor? >> i think i know that one. i don't know. >> there is like three songs maybe. i'm old and you're young. what are you going to do? speaking of old versus young, you were one of the co-hosts on the view last week. i was a guest on the show. did you enjoy doing the show? >> you were on the show? >> yes. >> i was so busy co-hosting the view that i forgot. >> they say the key to being a
good co-host is not realizing your guests are there. one of the number one qualities. >> i'm here. >> you saw that i was there, right? >> totally. >> we chatted. it's weird because on "the view" there are like 30 co-hosts on the show. so i'm right in the center and everyone's got a question and there is is a whole list of questions that everyone gets to ask one question. >> it's kind of difficult because if you don't interrupt you're not going to get your question in. the first day i was silent because i didn't want to interrupt barbara walters. who wants to interrupt her? i was terrified so i didn't interrupt anybody and by the second day someone was talking and i would be like ya ya ya, kobe, what do you think? >> you really do have to do that. i found that i was asked a question, i began answering the question and someone else would ask another question before i had even come close to answering the question. >> i was probably that person. >> i didn't care.
i was like whatever. as long as it's over, i'm fine. >> you didn't have a good time? >> i had a good time. but i'm at disney land at 8:00 in the morning. who wants that? >> tell me about it. >> that's kind of your life growing up. did i miss something? >> i didn't even go to disney land until i was like 14. i could never afford it. and once i started working, now i'm sick of it. >> this is the saddest thing i have ever heard. >> wa me. do you realize who you're talking to? i'm constantly in therapy. >> did you hang out with any of the co-hosts on "the view"? >> you know who came over was sherry shepherd? >> she is very nice. >> she came over and apparently -- >> oh, came to your house? >> yeah. yeah yeah yeah, my family's
house. she had actually looked at it online and really wanted it and it ended up being my house. >> she wanted the buy the house. >> yeah yeah yeah. >> but you don't live in the house with your family? >> no, no, no. i have an apartment. it's really nice and really fancy and there is a ton -- like one time the fire alarm went off and we all had to go outside. it was all older people. like old people. >> really? >> no, no, no. i'm serious. there were walkers and wheelcha wheelchairs. i like loved that. i was like oh my god this is so cute. it's so much fun because there are not like young people that are loud and noisy. kids these days. >> even if you were loud and noisy they couldn't hear you. >> except for one time i was playing eminem in the gym and this woman was on the treadmill
walking two miles an hour and was like turn that off. and i was like okay. >> do they like you in the building? >> yes. all of the people there are so sweet and especially the valet. they are like so nice. every time i come they are like how are you? >> they want a tip at christmas time is what they want. >> they got candy at halloween. >> they know if you get candy on halloween, as an adult, you know there is a hell of a tip coming. you have to work on thanksgiving on the x factor? >> doi. you kn do you know what i think? i think that simon wants us to suffer. he is like ha ha. >> i agree. >> it's not a holiday for me. he sounds nothing like that. i don't know why i do that. like absolutely nothing like that. >> this is his revenge, forcing the americans who should be relaxing or fighting people for
electronics, he is making you work and you have to. can you say no? we don't do that here? >> no, no, no. >> this is why we threw you in the boston harbor or whatever. >> i am really excited. i'm actually performing. >> you are? >> yeah yeah yeah. >> so he's making you work double on thanksgiving? >> yes. it's two things to be thankful for. >> is that going to be intimidating for you performing in front of your fellow judges? >> i don't think is intimidating in front of them but more so the audience. people at home will be like why is she a judge? >> yeah, right. >> you know what i mean? i have to do really good and i'm just really hoping i do a good job. >> who is she to judge. >> that young girl doesn't know anything. look at her. what are these impressions tonight? i have no idea. >> especially with simon there.
you guys have a sometimes contentious relationship and he's going to be sitting there with his arms folded and his nipples poking out looking at you. >> with more cleavage than me. >> with more cleavage than anyone. >> i could braid his chest hairs. >> has he had that baby yet or is he milking that for ratings. >> he has not had it yet but he is already boring. >> the baby? >> now he is like responsible. like he's an adult now. >> he is? yeah yeah yeah. he's like acting his age and it's like okay. >> all right. well happy thanksgiving. will they at least give you a turkey or something on that day? oh my gosh. >> i will work it out. maybe catering will bring in something. >> how very sad. >> no. i am like so excited. >> because of that evil brit simon coming over here and forcing us to work on our own
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applause. >> how are you? >> i'm doing good. >> i'm impressed that your movie is airing on three different cable channels. >> that's a little excessive isn't it? >> no. i saw it was like on three channels. i thought this has got to be something going on that i must know about. >> it's a story that has never been told before. you know? we have really got to get the message across. >> as an actor, is being in a movie like that, it seems like it would be a fun thing being like one of those characters? >> you get to put the fedora on, you get a little bit of swagger. >> there is is a video on the internet of you -- >> video? >> you appeared to be under some sort of anesthesia? after a dental procedure? who posted the video? >> i posted the video. i got my wisdom teeth extracted.
i had been watching a lot of internet videos. >> i would put that on three clanl channels. >> yeah. three different youtube channels. i had my dad film immediately after i got out of surgery. >> it's a long video but we boiled it down to some of the highlights. here it is. >> i got my wisdom teeth out.
>> you had started. you had finished. >> yeah, yeah. >> crazy. >> so i woke up, you know, kind of with a very -- i thought i was like a gangster rapper. you hear the story about the woman who wakes up from surgery and has an irish accent? i woke up and thought i was flava flav. >> with a little marlin brando in there. >> i got home and still under the influence of the very powerful anesthesia. and i'm like i'm uploading this to youtube. and i'm uploading it and i'm like i had the worst dream and then i hear you've got mail. and i was like oh god. >> you're still on aol? how about that? [ applause ] >> and that was the most revealing part of the interview.
>> is it true that you spent a year living at john goodman's house? >> yeah. >> did he -- >> you didn't do that? >> i spent a little of time with john. i never moved in with him. was john living in the house at this time? >> yeah, yeah, oh yeah. >> did john invite you to live in his house? >> i was there for a year. it wasn't supposed to be like a year. it was supposed to be like a weekend. somehow would hustle myself one or two days at a time and the days really add up and before i knew it -- >> there were 30. >> i was a fixture in the corner of the house. >> did you have a room? or a few on the. >> one of the main bedrooms. i got a little corner and we had a great time watching movies. >> so you would hang out? >> yeah, yeah. we would watch games, baseball,
everything. >> were you working together during this time? >> no. >> so he took you in. did at any point did you feel like maybe i have stayed here too long? >> yeah, well, they started to kind of talk to me about it a little bit. >> who started to talk to you about it? >> well, you know, you know, professionals. >> professional what? >> you know, the guy who says you got to get out. you know, the guy who puts the eviction notice on the door? >> so john has like a guy? >> there's a guy. >> he has his difficult conversations for him? is that it? >> yes. >> and did it take a while for you to get the hint that it was time to leave? >> i fought it. >> and you leost, i guess? >> it still bothers me. >> like our dressing room tonight, after the show -- >> there is is a mattress in
there. >> you're going to have to leave because we have new guests coming tomorrow. >> i can bunk. >> no, no. >> i'm down like that. >> i have a guy that has these conversations. his name is guillermo. he will not let it go on for a year. but you're more than welcome to spend the evening here. that is something else. is it something that you do regularly? are you homeless? >> you know, i got a house now, but john and i, he's just a lot of fun to live with. >> he does seem like he would be fun. >> if you haven't lived with john you don't know how much fun he is. >> this is louisiana where john lives and you tweeted this photograph of yourself -- >> oh yeah. >> gator horns to an alligator? >> that was a gator tour we went on and our guide who will remain nameless as well as toothless, he was giving us a tour of these
gators and he was like on the left is a gator and a lot of people accuse me of stuffing and having dead gators but i can assure you these are real gators. notice how close we're getting to them? the gators seemed remarkably well placed. that gator is not just getting a tan on a log like that with his arm on his shoulder. he was very clearly placed by the guy. >> he said that he did not clearly place this gator. >> he swore that the gator was there on its own will. and yeah, the only thing i saw that actually moved on the tour were baby owls. >> oh. >> not as fierce. >> owls in the swamp? >> yeah. maybe they were placed, too. or chained. i don't know. very strange. >> with well, it sounds like you're having an interesting life. are there any other -- are there any other actors that you have on your list that you would like
to move in with? >> daniel day lewis. >> that would be somebody. >> that would be a good experience. >> well, if anyone from danny's camp is watching, emile is looking for a place. "bonnie & clyde" airs december 8th & 9th at 9pm on lifetime, a&e and history channels. when we come back, music from afi.
♪ if you had a day would you give me a moment would you allow our play to leave no bone unbroken ♪ ♪ let's love like 17 i'm in love with poisoning only bring your pretty frightfulgifts to me ♪ ♪ let's love and kill like 17 now ♪ ♪ if i weren't so cold we could unfreeze this moment and as the world grow old we'll leave no heart unbroken ♪ ♪ let's love like 17
they will take a stand ♪ ♪ we'll leave no heart unbroken ♪ ♪ let's love like 17 i'm in love with poisoning only bring your pretty frightful gifts to me ♪ ♪let's love and kill like 17 now ♪ ♪ let's love like 17 i'm in love with your new screams only bring those pretty frightful things to me ♪ ♪ let's love and kill like 17 now ♪ ♪ let's run and kill like seventeen now ♪ let's love and kill like 17 ♪
♪ hey miss murder can i hey miss murder can i make beauty stay if i take my life whoa-oh-ohh ♪ ♪ with just a look they shook and heavens bowed before him simply a look can break your heart ♪ ♪ the stars that pierce the sky he left them all behind we're left to wonder why he left us all behind ♪ ♪ hey miss murder can i hey miss murder can i make beauty stay if i take my life whoa-oh-ohh ♪