tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC December 30, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PST
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, ryan seacrest. from "saving mr. banks," bradley whitford. and music from mac miller. with cleto and the cletones. and now, while's i'm at it, here's jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i am jimmy. glad you are here tonight. if you came to shop, you are out of luck. we ran out of everything.
we have guests. celebrity guests today. we have music from mac miller. and from saving mr. banks, bradley whitford is with us. we will have the funny amy poehler. last but not least, ryan seacrest is here with us tonight. [ applause ] very emotional for ryan to appear on a show he isn't hosting. i appreciate his courage. he is on his way here right now. he comes straight from djing down in long beach. ryan seacrest works a lot. he gave me a bit of insight into why he does with the quote on twitter two days ago. ryan tweeted, work while others are loafing, prepare while others are praying, dream while others are wishing. nerd alert tonight.
this, this is an amazing thing. i'm sure you know there was a big memorial service for great nelson mandela yesterday. in south africa. many prominent leaders from around the world including president obama, showed up to pay tribute. and as is often the case with the big event they had a sign language interpreter on hand to translate for the hearing impaired. only problem was the movement the guys was translating was making, with his hands, made no sense. even if you don't know sign language. you watch you can tell. he has three or four moves he repeats over and over here. that's him. you see, he looks like a backup dancer for a singer. he cannot see or hear. almost immediately viewers who do know sign language started calling him out on line. and video popped up of the guy interpreting or doing whatever he was doing, at other events too. he has done this. i would love off to know what this guy's story is. was this a prank. is he a scam artist.
is he very, very bad at his job. we brought in a sign language interpreter. where is justin. come on in here. how long have you been a sign language interpreter. >> five years. >> jimmy: you have done this at concerts out here. >> hanson was here. did it for hanson. >> do hanson have an inordinate number of hearing impaired fans? >> just one. >> is it a compliment for a band? >> yes it is. >> jimmy: no it its not. >> watch this guy. tell us what he seems to be signing if anything at all. okay. >> jimmy: i will be quiet. you roll it. >> i support basic salutations here, here, salutations. inside joining him this week cigarettes inside to prove and on and on to support i would
please to say from me to you. talking to you so far. >> jimmy: is he attempting to make sense? >> complete gibberish. >> we have one more. hello, welcome so far. well, cigarettes join. bringing in different to you. circles. i would like to pray this offering. basically this is fun. all of these balls. to prove. this is good, i'm sorry. so does this guy know sign language at all? >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: on the bright side he could have a promising career as a first base coach. >> there you go. >> jimmy: thank you, justin.
appreciate that. justin. and here is a little piece of advice. if you are bad at sign language, when in doubt, macarena. good advice for any time really. hey, guillermo, i have something for you. this is the president of venezuela did something fun this year. he extended christmas. president maduro of venezuela said this year christmas season will begin november 1. used to start in december. a whole thing that goes on over there. he did this to improve his chances of winning the election after this week. it worked. he did win the election. steven colbert was talking on his show last night. take a look. >> the venezuela president can just move the holidays? that's why it is so warm down there in february. >> folks, i am shocked at this power grab by venezuela president and jimmy kimmel security guard. >> jimmy: you never told me you were president of venezuela.
there you go. he expanded his reach to other late night talk shows. you are not just a national treasure you are an international treasure. congratulations, guillermo. >> jimmy: sign language. what does that mean? let's get justin back out here. over the weekend a man and his family makes a journey to chop down their own christmas family. in goodrich, michigan, at one of the place that's let you cut your tree down. every family cuts their own tree down once. and then never again. not sure what is going on here. looks like david has a cutting method as ineffective as it is unique. here it goes. that's david, the dad. and his daughter. and i don't know if he is digging the tree out. with his hands. maybe he is having sex with the
tree. this should be a weird thing to see. oh, yes, he is having sex with the tree. or he is gnawing at it like a beaver. ha-ha-ha. some kind of real life woody woodpecker there. everyone is laughing at him. this will be, by the way, i mean, i hope he lives a very long life. but if this is how they capture his death. there he goes again. >> i see dad's butt. i see dad's butt. >> yeah we're all seeing daddy's butt now. time to do something nice. the holidays can be an overwhelming time. you are expected to cook things you don't cook. there is buying gifts. wrapping gifts. a lot. to help you navigate this holiday season. i asked my aunt chippy to answer
questions from viewers who were looking for guidance. our viewers have been sending in excellent, well thought out questions, and here's tonight's installment of dear aunt chippy. >> dear, aunt chippy. why are you such a miserable bitch? boring 23. >> i am a miserable bitch because i get letters from [ bleep ] like you. merry christmas, [ bleep ]. >> if you have a question for me, please e-mail me at dear aunt chippy. [ applause ] >> pope francis this morning was named "time" magazine's person of the year for 2030. unbelievable, how much crack does a mayor have to smoke to win person of the year. but there he is. that's the cover.
and, you can read all about it in the dentist's office in three years. managing editor of time revealed the decision on the today show this morning. and called the pope a new voice of conscience. he is a the good pope. i like him a lot. he is humble. modest. instead of riding in the pope mobile. drives a used car and himself. instead of a papal ring he wears a tennis bracelet from kay jewellers. he's just like us. a big story. people don't keep of on current events. so i thought it would be fun to send our camera on hollywood boulevard to find out what people think about time's person of the year. we did not tell them the person of the year watch the pope. in fact we told them elt was other people. >> what do you think of "time" magazine naming kris jenner person of the year? >> a goodusins peon. >> she should get it. she hustled. she is a household name. everybody knows her. she has been on everything and everywhere. so i think person of the year
would be a good accolade for her. yeah. >> what do you think of "time" magazine naming rob ford person of the year? i think he is kind of a ridiculous funny character. and i don't think he should be person of the year. you know? for what he -- for what he has done. >> what do you think about "time" magazine, naming mama june the person of the year. >> i don't know anything about it. it is kind of cool. can't see the time sign though. >> what do you think, naming what does the fox say guy, people of the year? >> great choice. two great guys. >> what do you think "time" magazine, naming royal baby george, person of the year. >> that's awesome. >> you think he deserves it? >> yeah. >> she is like angry, too. she's like, yeah, like a mad dinosaur or something. >> what do you think of time magazine, naming anthony weiner person of the year. >> i don't think that's a very
appropriate picture, since he embarrassed his wife and the whole country. >> by doing what? >> showing his penis. >> i think she's fascinating. i think she real fascinating. >> jimmy: well i agree. we're going to take a break. when we come back from the break, the very funny, billy and amy poehler have something funny for us. we've also got ryan seacrest, bradley whitford and music from mac miller. so come on back. [ male announcer ] when i tasted the big juicy steak that's on applebee's under 550 calories menu, i was all, "what the what?!" then i tasted the zesty roma chicken and shrimp, which is also on the under 550 calories menu and i was like, "i can't believe it!" then, i told some friends about it and they couldn't believe how great it tasted either. they were totally, "who the, have a, what the huh?!" new under 550 calorie roma pepper steak and zesty roma chicken and shrimp. two almost unbelievably tasty reasons to see you tomorrow.
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this. a guy that became popular online. his is a specific genre of comedy. billy runs around, yelling questions at people on the street. for a dollar, name three white people. go. >> three white people. >> yeah. >> dead or alive? >> yeah, famous, please. >> elvis presley. >> one. >> michael jackson. >> he was not white. >> oh, my god. >> oh, god. >> true or false. >> i'm obsessed with you. >> oh, shut up. >> he makes friend wherever he goes. billy has his own show on fuse "funny or die, billy on the street." he is here with us. please welcome billy. hello. how are you? >> i'm glad to be here. >> thank you. >> was it your dream as a buy to yell at people, walk around. >> it was. i grew up in new york.
i was really obsessed with pop culture. thought it would be fun if i've want outside and shoved it into people's faces. >> it is fun. i happen to enjoy it. what did you bring to show us tonight. >> special holiday video. i did. from billy on the street. with me is my special guest, amy poehl poehler. we ambushed new yorkers with christmas carols. tried to get them to sing along if they knew the lyrics. if they know the lyrics they get a dollar. if they don't. you've will see what happens. >> here they are, billy and amy. >> billy in new york with amy pohler. for a special holiday lightning round where we will give people dollars if they've sing christmas songs. better sing the right lyrics. you ready, amy? >> you want to sing christmas carols with us for a dollar. >> for a dollar. >> here we go. ♪ deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ ♪ fa-la-la ♪ advertise the ♪ don we now our -- ♪ gay apparel >> let's go. let's go! >> he didn't know it. >> amy wants to sing christmas carols.
♪ dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh over the fields we go laughing all the way ha-ha-ha bells on bobtail strings making ♪ >> making -- making -- making. >> go amy poehler! >> sir, you want to sing christmas carols with me and amy for $1. >> hi! >> it's okay. >> yes. ♪ dashing through the snow ♪ dashing through the snow >> no. snow. ♪ dashing through the snow the man will not say snow. the man will not say snow. >> look at the ladies. >> please, do you want to sing christmas carols with me and amy poehler? >> oh, sure. >> here we go. >> hi, what's his name? >> arrow. >> arrow? >> yes. >> no. no. not doing it. let's go. oh, you want to sing christmas
carols with me and amy pohler. ♪ happy birthday >> not happy birthday! >> it is jesus' birthday. happy birthday, jesus! >> want to sing christmas carols with me and amy poehler? >> hi! ♪ on the first day of christmas my true love gave to me ♪ ♪ i don't know >> come on! come on! let's go. partridge in a pear tree, you moron. >> she knew. she knew. didn't want to say it. >> want to sing christmas carols with me and amy poehler? >> no. >> you want to sing christmas carols with me and amy poehler? >> i don't think so. >> you have to! >> you want to sing christmas carols with me and amy poehler? >> i don't think so. >> what's your name? >> tom. >> here we go -- ♪ we wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry a christmas ♪ >> get in here. what's your name? >> fernando. >> okay. here we go. ♪ we wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year ♪
>> yay! you won a dollar. >> come along with us! come along with us! >> come run with us. >> we're christmas caroling now, bitches! do you want to sing christmas carols with me, fern nan doe and amy poehler? >> fernando! >> sir, you want to sing christmas carols? no, no, let's go. amy? amy? he didn't want to sing about jesus. forget about it. hanukkah is over, baby. deal with it. you want to sing christmas carols with me and amy poehler? >> hey. >> do you know her? >> no. >> come on! >> you don't know know me? >> you know me. you know me! >> yeah, you know her. >> you know me! you know me! >> it's an improv school. amy, let's go. 12 days of christmas. someone here wants a [ bleep ] -- i know it!
>> thank you. >> jimmy: the new season premieres march 12th on fuse. thank you, billy. bradley whitford is here with us. we have music from mac miller. and we'll be right back with ryan seacrest. ♪ dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh sing along sing along. ♪ ♪ over the fields we go, making spirits bright, what fun it is to ride and sing ♪ ♪ ♪ jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪ >> i don't like this. i don't like it. i don't like it. >> portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by sony and the qx 10 lens camera.
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too. join us then. >> jimmy: our first guest is the tireless and immaculate host and producer of more shows than they list in the tv guide. on december 31st, his will be last face you see before losing consciousness, as he rings in 2014 on the awkwardly-titled "dick clark's new year's rockin' eve with ryan seacrest," right here on abc. please welcome ryan seacrest. >> jimmy: how are you? thank you. good to see you. you know i am obsessed with your work habits and day in general. >> in a good way? >> jimmy: neither good nor bad. just very interesting. first, i want to know what was your day today, from the morning, what time did you wake up, what have you done? >> got up when it was cold and
dark this morning. 5:00. i did a lot of radio today. a real radio day. the local radio show here. afterward i did the syndicated radio show across the country. then i did american top 40 year end countdown for the contemporary hit radio stations. then american top 40 countdown, year end special for the hot adult contemporary radio stations. then a charity, hello off to bob pitman, chairman of clear channel. then i had a green juice. i've want to the gym. put on a suit. came over here to see you. >> jimmy: that's it. today was a light day for you today. all radio today. and didn't realize. one of the things on your list is a four-long radio show. >> one of the things. the radio shows they're longer than tv shows. and you do it every day. five days a week. >> yeah. that's only broadcast in l.a., that version. >> jimmy: it's crazy. >> you grew up in radio. >> jimmy: i did it once at a time. i didn't have other jobs. i wanted other jobs. no one would give me other jobs. how old were you when you
started in radio? >> i started when i was 16 years old. i started calling into the radio station, local station in atlanta when i was 15 years old. >> jimmy: who would you call? >> tom sullivan, the night jock, after school. call the request line. try to get through to request the song. hear my voice on the air the they tape you. i wait for it to be played back i got to know him. i had the courage to say after a couple months of calling in. could i be your intern. he let me do it and that's how it started. >> jimmy: that's what i did. not with tom. with others. calling in, saying hopefully funny things. eventually one of them took me to seattle. i was the side kick. >> and you're so excited just to be there. we pulled, the cartridges. play music on. my job is to pull them and stack them in the right order. so the right songs would play for the disc jockey. >> my job in radio was to mix everyone any cartridges up and change the labels on them. so when they thought they were
putting in a song, instead it was a sound effect of like an animal faring or something like that. that's what i did. >> you did not miss your calling. >> that's why i was fired from almost every radio jobs. >> true? how many? >> fired from five of them. >> your intern was carson daly. >> jimmy: he was my intern. he wasn't actually in college or anything. just hanging around with me. >> i did, my big accomplishment in atlanta was when i was 17. they gave me permission and the keys to drive the van around. i used to give away t-shirts and bumper stickers in the drugstore parking lots. thought i made it. a big call in. on the brick phone from wall street. ryan sea crest, live, in the parking lot. bump stickers and t-shirts. come of on down. >> i remember doing them, remotes as you know. i got $75 to do a four hour remote. so excited from a carpet store parking lot in tucson, arizona. about 117 degrees. we couldn't have been happier to be out there.
>> that's how you make extra money in radio. do the remost. they're sponsored. you make your $75 and you are thrilled. >> jimmy: i figured out radio was a horrible business filled with horrible people. and you remain in radio. >> i love it. i've really do. i am exhausted many days. by the end of the day. but of i feel like one of the reasons i was confident enough to host live television was because i had done so many hours of live radio. i was terrified starting "american idol," but after doing so many hours of live radio you handle different situations. i think that helped with me hosting. >> jimmy: one thing i notice. you never screw up. even if you do screw up, only you know it because we don't know that you screwed up. >> that's not true. i do screw up. i just play it off. >> jimmy: not really. >> i try to play it off. >> jimmy: i watch you on "american idol." it's a live show and you don't screw up which is unbelievable
to me. >> i'm officially going to screw up because now you said this. this is the season. you cursed me. the season i will screw everything up. >> what about the "dick clark's rocking new year's ryan seacrest thing." dick clark's new year's rocking eve with ryan seacrest. >> he has been doing it so long and he is obviously no longer with us. i am still there doing it. he has been a wonderful mentor. >> jimmy: god forbid when you pass away will they keep ryan seacrest on that as well. >> dick clark's new york rocking eve with max miller. >> with ryan seacrest jr., your son. i know your birthday is christmas eve. i have a gift. don't know if you are getting a piece of this. an item. somebody found somewhere. ryan secrets. it's some kind of a blow-up sex
doll. >> i forgot mention to i had that photo shoot today. >> photo shoot. blow this up. ic make it host a show. >> is that a real product? >> yes, it's a real product. >> i thought it was something you made? >> no. but it is something i am going to make. >> ryan seacrest is with us and we'll be right back. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by --
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>> jimmy: we are back with ryan seacrest. ryan, this is something that i think you tweeted this. christmas card. with you as a little boy and your sister. >> can you tell which one is me? >> yes, that is me. right there with a rugby shirt. remember rugby shirts were the thing. >> jimmy: i had the same coca-cola shirt that your sister had. >> holiday tradition to dress up look that when we were kids. a chubby kid with. >> jimmy: what's the plan for the, dick clark's new year's rocking eve with ryan seacrest 2014 --
>> live from time square. tune in. >> jimmy: that show. who will be on? >> last year's episode. >> would any one know. see the ball. the number at the top of the ball will be different. >> jimmy: do photo shop. >> every year all the big artists from the year. fergie will host the west coast show. i'll be in time's square live. miley cyrus in time's square. >> jimmy: that is a big deal. >> we try to look for the artist that created a lot of buzz, made a lot of headlines this year. she will perform in time's square. see what happens. >> jimmy: if she is almost naked like she usually is in time's square. >> thought it would be interesting. >> jimmy: she is going to die on the show. at least get frostbite of some kind. >> i'm wondering what she will wear. all year she has wore provocative outfits. we will see what she will wear in times square. we are excited to have her and so many artists. if you are home. if you are out tune in to abc. we will be there the i start at 8:00 p.m. finish at 2:00 a.m. >> jimmy: you work for abc. olympics for nbc. american idol on fox.
nothing with cbs? what's the problem with them? >> i don't know. they don't like me. i think we're almost done. thanks, appreciate it. we're wrapping up. about to ring in the end of the -- having of a great time. ring in the end of the segment. guys, let's do it. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 t. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! happy going to break! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ryan seacrest, everybody. watch him on new year's eve and on "american idol." we'll be right back with bradley whitford.
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please welcome bradley whitford. >> jimmy: it is a mess. your water has been confettied. >> beautiful. it's very festive. >> jimmy: how are you? how are you doing? >> good. very good. >> jimmy: enjoyed your movie. >> it is good. >> jimmy: your television show, "trophy wife" very, very funny. >> yeah. >> jimmy: trophy wife is a blast. >> later on we'll have a clip. but it's, it's been -- a real blast. the guy in real life, person who wrote the screen play. to mary poppins. >> a true story. and boy, tom hanks is good in
this. >> jimmy: he is very good in this. he was here last night. >> was he sober? >> jimmy: yeah, he was sober. i think he was sober. >> good. >> jimmy: was there a problem on set? >> no. he is a great guy when he is sober. >> jimmy: ha-ha. >> is that news? >> jimmy: i heard that. >> my name is tom. i have oscars. it's ugly. >> by the way your former cast mate from the west wing, josh molina was telling a story about a prank he played on you when jimmy smits joined the show. he sent flowers and a love letter. >> vaguely homo-erotic love letter to jimmy from me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he stole stationery and sent him flowers and a beautiful note on valentine's day. >> jimmy: did that damage your
relationship you feel with jimmy? >> i think jimmy was confused. you know i was. he, he -- he came over to me. he kept patting his heart and going. then he hugged me. and i, i said, i, i did not send you flowers. i love you. a back and forth. >> a back and forth thing. i actually had. i guess this is going to remove possibility of this happening. but in -- to get back at josh -- i had a check written for $3,000 to the guy who edits the screen actor's guild awards memorium reel. i was going to kill josh. and put him right after somebody famous. >> jimmy: i see. so that everyone in the room would think -- >> everyone would think. >> jimmy: what happened? >> the guy chick end out at the last minute.
i ended up, writing one for the west wing. i wrote one where josh says, over and over, i can't act. i'm a terrible actor. i don't like to pretend. and it is in season six. now make sure when he does pass away that is the clip included in the memorium. >> absolutely. absolutely. >> is he still doing the acting thing? >> he is on scandal now. >> good for him. >> jimmy: are you not in touch with him anymore? is this over now? >> no. it's continuing. you know, he made a fake -- fake twitter account. where i was -- on somekind of like, drunken journey where, i was -- questioning -- whether i was attracted to women anymore? stuff look that. >> jimmy: a theme really with josh. >> josh has -- no sense of
proportion. like, you, you -- shake his hand with a hand buzzer. to get back at you he will pick up your daughter from school. >> it sounds like he's not to be messed with, maeb. probably the best idea. >> he's perverse. >> we were talking about trophy wife. you brought a clip along? >> i did. not to be corny, but the holiday season, you know, the holidays. i love the holidays about being with your loved ones. about giving. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and about receiving. as well. anyway. >> jimmy: this is, okay. >> in the spirit. take a look.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is beautiful. >> it's great to receive. >> jimmy: are those your pets? >> by the way, an optical illusion. it's -- it's, otis' abdomen. sitting there reading the paper. i didn't put the sound track on. reading the paper, the blues station on. i look down. i'm like, oh, my god! >> jimmy: you didn't add the music to this? >> no. i didn't add the music. it was on. i was like, how do i reveal the joke. i am like doing a scanning thing. i was very excited. my son wanted to put it on youtube. i i'm sure it will be now. my poor, sweet daughter said what if some one recognizes izzie. >> jimmy: you know maybe ryan seacrest will give izzie a television show.
'til they come in contact with gods ♪ ♪ -- is all my disciples with these broads ♪ ♪ life is just a recital better remember all that you practice when i die ♪ ♪ throw a couple bad when your imagination is pretend never felt you would feel this way never taught me what you got me on a different day when it was easier to ♪ ♪ can you hide away can you hide away ♪ ♪ the sound of silence as they all just watch you ♪ ♪ i kinda find it strange how the times have changed ♪ ♪ but i wish we could go and be free once baby you and me ♪ ♪ we could change the world forever and never come back again ♪ ♪ let's leave it all in the rear-view ♪ ♪ let's leave it all in the rear-view girl ♪ ♪ you don't have to cry you don't have to cry ♪ ♪ can you hide away can you hide away ♪ ♪ the sound of silence as they all just watch you ♪ ♪ i kinda find it strange how
the times have changed ♪ ♪ but i wish we could go and be free once baby you and me ♪ ♪ we could change the world forever and never come back again ♪ ♪ let's leave it all in the rear-view ♪ ♪ let's leave it all in the rear-view girl ♪ ♪ you don't have to cry you don't have to cry ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ mend a broken heart girl if you can i don't expect you to be capable ♪ ♪ you got the world right in your hands ♪ ♪ and that responsibility is inescapable ♪ ♪ i promise that i'll be a different man ♪ ♪ please give me the chance to go and live again ♪ ♪ i'm having some trouble can you give a hand ♪ ♪ it seems perfection really is so unobtainable ♪ ♪ don't even say you about to end it all ♪ ♪ your life precious ain't a need to go and kill yourself ♪ ♪ i'm not so sure that there's
an end at all ♪ ♪ i wish the truth would just reveal itself ♪ ♪ who do you call to make it to the top ♪ ♪ and who do you call to make the shootin' stop ♪ ♪ and who do you call to give the coupe a wash ♪ ♪ after everything i did i think i'm still myself ♪ ♪ so just a little taste and you know she got you ♪ ♪ can you hide away can you hide away ♪ ♪ the sound of silence as they all just watch you ♪ ♪ i kinda find it strange how the times have changed ♪ ♪ but i wish we could go and be free once baby you and me ♪ ♪ we could change the world forever and never come back again ♪ ♪ let's leave it all in the rear-view ♪ ♪ let's leave it all in the rear-view girl ♪ ♪ let's leave it all in the rear-view girl ♪ ♪ you don't have to cry you don't have to cry ♪