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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  December 22, 2014 11:35pm-12:38am PST

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ryan seacrest. rebecca romijn. "this week in unnecessary censorship." and music from vintage trouble. with cleto and the cletones. and now, above all else, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. thank you. that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching.
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thank you for coming to my work. i hope you're in the holiday spirit. i am. i feel like a real patti labelle tonight, i'll tell you. just outside the white house tonight, president obama lit the national christmas tree. >> five, four, three, two, one -- hey! >> jimmy: isn't that beautiful? it's the only thing his wife lets him light anymore. [ laughter ] star-studded ceremony. tom hanks was the host. ne-yo and steve miller were there to sing. speaker of the house john boehner was there. he harshly criticized the president for unilaterally stringing popcorn from the tree without input from republican leadership, so, it was not without controversy. we have a festive presentation tonight from los angeles, too. ryan seacrest is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you may -- you may know ryan
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from the majority of things on television. he is here tonight to promote "dick clark's rockin' new year's eve." the great dick clark, of course, passed away a couple-year-olds ago, so, the show on new year's eve will be dick-less, but his name remains, and the rocking will continue. i'm glad ryan is here. i like ryan a lot. but you really need to promote new year's eve? i mean, i feel like the calendar does a pretty good job of getting the word out on that on its own. also with us tonight, the lovely rebecca romijn and we have music from vintage trouble. [ cheers and applause ] so -- this is interesting. this is -- i guess this is a problem. the birthrate in the united states is at an all-time low. where as our death rate, still holding strong at 100%. [ laughter ] our birthrate has gone down every year for the past six years. which, of course it has. no one has time to check instagram and nurture another human being. we always hear about it's impossible. you know, we always hear about overpopulation, but the reason they say this is a problem is, when the birthrate goes down, it's because you need young
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people to contribute to social security to take care of the old people and that's disturbing, because we are going to be those old people that need to be taken care of, so, we have -- i'd like to just pause and take a moment to talk directly to those of you who are watching right now at home in bed. turn to the person next to you. ♪ [ laughter ] assuming there is a person next to you. maybe it's your spouse, your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, someone you met on tinder, whoever, i don't know. turn to them and i would like you to look into that person's eyes. are you doing it? go ahead. look into each other's eyes. aren't they beautiful? [ laughter ] of course they are. you know what would look great with those eyes? a baby. [ laughter ] that face you're looking into, that's the face of the person who is going to help you make a baby, a sweet little version of you. and so now i want you to turn off the lights and have sex with that face. [ laughter ]
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i mean, not with the actual face -- you know what i mean. have human sexual intercourse. reproduce. do it. do it. [ laughter ] and i'll check back again in, what, like, three minutes? all right. okay, i hope you're really doing it. [ cheers and applause ] i hope people take this seriously. i need one of them social security checks, damn it. [ laughter ] this is probably not going to help the birthrate, but it may cut back on our life expectancy. which is good. pizza hut in australia has a new culinary creation. it is called the doritos crunchy crust pizza. >> this chip will change everything. we imbedded it so you can enjoy two of your favorite things simultaneously. new doritos crunchy crust pizza from pizza hut. >> jimmy: just for the record, that's not a pizza. that's a death threat. [ laughter ] at this point, pizza hut should just give in and make a pizza
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stuffed with marijuana, right? i mean -- that is what this is all about. [ cheers and applause ] this is something. this comes to us from a local cbs affiliate in columbus, ohio, where, i think they might be front-runners for mug shot of the year. >> police have just released the name of a man responsible for a standoff with police. willie tatum iii. >> jimmy: like he ate a whole box of sour patch kids. i'm sure that's embarrassing for willie tatum iii. but that's even more embarrassing for his father and grandfather. why was his father born in the '20s? this is a young man. here's a funny item from mexico. they are now selling pinata that's modeled after a very well-known american television personality. [ speaking foreign language ]
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>> jimmy: see that? ryan seacrest isn't the only one producing kardashians. they're doing it in mexico, too. [ laughter ] we had someone -- to understand, we had someone translate that into english in case you're wondering what the reporter was saying. >> translator: in ranosa, a lonely man in a tuxedo t-shirt was forced from his home when his wife discovered him humping a kim kardashian pinata. she gets me, he explained. >> jimmy: well, in fairness, he doesn't seem that hard to get, right? the trailer for the new "terminator" movie came out today. arnold schwarzenegger, as you may know, is back. said he'd be back, and he is. a man of his word. in this one, john conner goes back in time to stop phil collins from launching a solo career. [ laughter ] by the way -- [ cheers and applause ] the baby -- that baby he was referring to is now 35 years
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old, been working at the coffee bean just down the block. this might get your blood flowing. every year, you know, we see a lot of videos of shoppers fighting on black friday, but we rarely get to see the other side of the coin, which is the employees as they prepare for that battle. this is from westminster, maryland. this guy that works at target. he took it upon himself to get his colleagues fired up for black friday with a speech that might sound familiar. >> they're standing out there. any moment now, those doors will be breached. whatever comes through goes gates, you will stand your ground with a smile on your face. they come here with bargains in their heads and fire in their eyes. and we shall give those bargains to them. we will show them that we are not just the best store in this neighborhood, but the best store anywhere because we are more than just a store. this is a team. this is a family.
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this is target! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's good, right? i have to say, i have never been so inspired by a man with a phone clipped to his belt before. [ laughter ] give that guy a raise! as you probably know, we do this show right in the heart of hollywood, which is where it all happens. big celebrity news stories are breaking all the time here. and fortunately, we have one of the best in the business to cover them for us. his name is guillermo and it is time for "mucho." ♪ mucho mucho tonight on "mucho." celebrity body shaving. she's only 16, but elle fanning's got the elbows of a 40-year-old. what's up with elle's bows? and while we're at it, what would channing tatum look like without a mouth? ew, get a mouth, bro! and, guillermo-drone. guillermo illegally flies his personal camera drone over private celebrity swimming pools.
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and we've got the tape. >> get ready for naked ladies! oh! >> oh, drone you didn't. and later, what's g-mo doing with j.lo? who knows? >> i know! >> all this and mucho mas, tonight on "mucho." we are live from the hollywood and highland center, the mall. >> mucho! >> hi, everyone, and welcome to "mucho." want to hear some stupid stuff? >> yes! >> it is time for celebrity butt text! >> celebrity butt texts. >> which celebrity texted this by accident with their butt? was it, a, ashley benson or b, bradley cooper? i will tell you in exactly five seconds. ♪ it was b, bradley cooper! [ cheers and applause ] now, are you ready to play celebrity alphabetical order?
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>> yeah! >> well, you're going to have to wait, because right now, it is time for awko taco. awko taco. hey, kim kardashian, who told you how to eat? an alligator? ahh! awko taco! hey, ben stiller. you got your pee pee stuck in your zipper? awko taco. hey, katy perry, your face look dumb when you sneeze. awko taco! elijah wood bring a tennis ball to the beach? what, did he bring a beach ball to the tennis court? [ laughter ] awko taco. >> mucho! >> wow! i'm really great, right people? [ cheers and applause ] what's that noise? you know what that means? it's time for celebrity
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alphabetical order! roll the tape! >> celebrity alphabetical order. >> it is time to play celebrity alphabetical order? you guys ready? >> so ready. >> what is your name? >> keith. >> what is your name? >> jennifer. >> what is your name? >> harry. >> okay. si got to move you around. come on here. you stay right here. >> stay where i am? >> yes. >> this is no fun. >> right there. mucho! >> mucho! >> wow. that was exciting. right, jimmy? >> jimmy: guillermo, i don't think you got the alphabetical order right. >> that's right, jimmy. i was just testing you. it is time for celebrity alphabetical order round dos! >> celebrity alphabetical order round dos! >> round two. okay, i'm going to move you guys around. all right, go in the middle. >> okay. >> do i go here? >> no, you go over there. >> and mr. -- >> i move? >> yeah. >> why you are so rough with me, so gentle with jen?
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he's so gentle with you. >> i thought he was gentle with you. >> you think she's more attractive than me? >> of course she is. mucho! >> hey, sorry i'm late. >> i already played the game, ryan seacrest. get out of here. mucho! >> it's seacrest! >> mucho! >> it was even better the second time, right people? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, guillermo, who is that standing next to you? >> she's here for my new segment, dry cleaners to the stars. >> dry cleaners to the stars! >> this is john stamos' dry cleaner. hello john stamos' dry cleaner. >> hello. >> is this really a pair of john stamos' pants? >> yes. >> wow! who wants a pair of john stamos' pants? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't -- guillermo, you can't just giveaway john stamos' pants. >> i can do whatever i want, jimmy, it is "mucho!" next time on "mucho," jessica alba eats a pomegranate. it's going to be sick. musica!
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♪ >> jimmy: all right. all right. thank you, guillermo. i think that was almost too mucho. and one more item before we forge ahead. 's thursday night, the night on which we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's time for "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> since july, we've been [ bleep ] young men and women. >> change your cell phone provider and cut your [ bleep ] in half. we'll tell you how. >> coming up, on your mark, get set, [ bleep ]. >> we are both huge [ bleep ] lovers. >> we city may squeeze out a few [ bleep ] today, so, don't be surprised if we see that. >> plus -- >> did bieber [ bleep ] and entire football team? >> i need a gentler [ bleep ]. >> really? >> yeah. >> yeah. a gentler [ bleep ]. a chewier [ bleep ].
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>> a chewier [ bleep ]? >> i like to chew my [ bleep ]. >> a dating website designed exclusively for [ bleep ]. >> oh, yeah. >> first on the list, dog [ bleep ]. has anyone heard of this? i came across this the other day, i thought it was hilarious. >> we're going to [ bleep ] her after the break and you guys are going to listen with both ears. >> we want to play a game called name that [ bleep ]. are you ready for this? >> on set, is there a moment that you can think of where something just happened that was just so much fun? >> i [ bleep ] meryl streep [ bleep ]. >> oh. >> hello there young [ bleep ]. bet you never saw a big brown [ bleep ] before. arr! >> ahh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, we've got music from vintage trouble. rebecca romijn is here. and we'll be right back with ryan seacrest, so stick around.
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♪ that's how it goes whenever it snows. ♪ ♪ the world is your snowball just for a song. ♪ ♪ get out and move it along. ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight, from the new show "librarians" on tnt, rebecca romijn is here. and then, a band formed right
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here in hollywood, under -- in the shadow of the hooters building, their album is called "the bomb shelter sessions." vintage trouble from the at&t stage. next week, our guests include aaron paul, krysten ritter, that's a familiar couple, for fans of "breaking bad." from espn, chris fowler and kirk herbstreit, blake shelton will be with us, marisa tomei, laura dern, the guy who is being eaten by a snake on tv this weekend? if he lives, he will be here. and we will have music from priory, bobby shmurda, and the smashing pumpkins. so, join us next week for that. our first guest tonight is an exceptionally industrious broadcaster who was born to lead us gently into the new year. he is host of both "american idol" and "dick clark's new year's rockin' eve with ryan seacrest" on abc. please welcome ryan seacrest. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: i feel a little bit left out, because right now both you and guillermo are exposing chest hair and -- >> he's doing much better than i am in that department. i'm inadequate in the chest hair department. >> jimmy: no, i think you're all right. >> he's close to a nipple over there. >> jimmy: you are about to have a little wardrobe malfunction over there, guillermo. >> a little bit. >> jimmy: yeah, a little bit. cover up, will you? for god sake's, it's a television show. now, you -- first of all, new year's is a big deal. you have an even bigger deal, at least personally, you have your 40th birthday on christmas eve. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes, thank you. i lived to 40. >> jimmy: almost. >> how old are you? >> jimmy: i am 47. >> 47. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, 40 -- when my dad turned 40, we put an "over the hill" sign in the front yard and i thought to myself, oh, my god, he's going to die soon. >> jimmy: yeah, right.
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>> that's old. then you get to be that age and you think, it's not that old at all, really. >> jimmy: yet it is old. you look into the eyes -- >> i'm still convinced it's not. >> jimmy: it is, though. it's still -- [ laughter ] it still is. it's terrible. it's terrifying, really. >> thanks, i'm excited about the 24th now. >> jimmy: yeah, no, it's all -- well, you have to get out there and make something of yourself. you got to work. >> have to hustle. >> jimmy: what is your birthday plan? do you have one? >> you are always out of school, you are always with your friends and your family because it is christmas eve, so, that evening, i get birthday presents, so, i get the presents wrapped in the blue paper. >> jimmy: good. >> yeah. and that's the sock and then the next, we have fondue dinner that night. the next morning is christmas morning and we eat sausage balls in our matching seacrest pajamas -- >> jimmy: you do? >> and that's when i open the underwear that goes with the socks. >> jimmy: fondue and sausage balls? you should weigh 800 pounds. >> only two days a year. >> jimmy: were you born in the hospital or in a manger? [ laughter ]
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>> piedmont hospital in atlanta. >> jimmy: should we feel sorry for people who are born on christmas eve? >> we know nothing other than that. >> jimmy: i guess so. >> that's all we know. we know that all of the stuff comes at one time a year and so we're fine with it. but as you get older, your friends and your coworkers just kind of, they go, here's your birthday and christmas gift. >> jimmy: they double up. that's unacceptable. you should do that to them, right back to them. >> here's your wedding anniversary, our friendship, our purity ring, our -- you know. >> jimmy: if the birthday is in july, say, here, this is for christmas, too. you're not getting anything else from me. >> it's fair. >> jimmy: it would be fair. by the way, i want to show you something. this is the sexiest man alive issue of "people" magazine. did you see this? >> i saw the cover. >> jimmy: we're both in this. we're in the "from geeky to gorgeous" section. >> and a wallet-sized picture. >> jimmy: there's me right there. there's a good look. and then, there's you. you look -- >> this is ridiculous.
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this actually looks -- it looks cool. >> jimmy: it wasn't, and it isn't. >> i mean, mine -- >> jimmy: i was looking at the two of us and i thought, what would it be like if that duo hung out together? [ laughter ] and that's what it would be like. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's unbelievable. we look so happy. >> jimmy: we were having fun, yeah. i remember what happened. i had just given you your combo christmas and birthday gift that day. [ laughter ] >> it wasn't enough to have the braces and the glasses and the rugby shirt, i had to go with the butt cut on top of it, as well. >> jimmy: i think i had the same thing as you. i also wore glasses. i didn't wear them for the yearbook photograph. i had the glasses that got in the sun that turned into sunglasses. >> those are the greatest. you would literally go outside and be like this, just so they would show up shady. >> jimmy: then you walk inside and walk into the wall because they didn't go fast enough. >> you couldn't see anything. i look at that picture, i
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remember to myself, when i was spring -- i used to hate spring break. >> jimmy: why? >> well, because, you'd have to go to the pool or the beach and i never wanted to take my shirt off. >> jimmy: oh. >> i would swim in that shirt or a white snake shirt. >> jimmy: you were self-conscious. if it was today, all the kids are fat. you would have been fine. there would have been no -- you would not have -- >> i've got a perfect wardrobe. >> jimmy: you were self-conscious about your body when you were a kid? >> oh, yeah. we used to go to the -- i remember my mom used to take me back to school shopping and we would go to the marshalls on roswell road in atlanta. i'd look at all the jeans and she just kind of smile and then she'd point me in another direction. i would say, ma, i like those. let's look at the husky jeans. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and so i would buy husky jeans. >> jimmy: what a horrible word. >> no wonder i'm scarred for life. >> jimmy: there was a brand of jeans. i remember even as a kid, i thought, this is not right. they were called big yank. [ laughter ] do you remember that? >> i do. that's worse than husky.
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i swear to you, there was a restaurant on the corner and i would get the husky jeans. i'd say, can we stop at the olive garden? >> jimmy: you might as well. if you're going to have the husky jeans, you might as well eat bredsticks, as well. this big new year's eve show -- >> yeah. "dick clark's new year's rockin' eve." >> jimmy: it's the most cumbersome title. >> i know. it's -- >> jimmy: you leave yourself off -- when you say the title, because -- >> it's so strange. >> jimmy: i'm ryan seacrest, they know i'm on it, but everybody else is "deke clak's new year's rockin' eve with ryan seacrest." >> i actually have to think about it. when you say, welcome back to "american idol," but i'm seeing it in my head, like lyrics in a song. >> jimmy: i worked with dick clark and i know you worked with dick clark many times. as a producer, he would go, this title is too long. we need to cut dick clark out of the title. do you think that will ever happen? will it go on forever and god forbid what happens when you pass away, will your name then be added onto some other guy?
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>> i think that's why we keep extending the show. it used to be just at 11:30, it starts now at 8:00 p.m. so we can get all the titles in. >> jimmy: it will last until june, also, with the length of that title. when we come back, i have a number of things i want to discuss with you. ryan seacrest is here, from "american idol" and "dick clark's new year's rockin' eve with ryan seacrest." we'll be right back.
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greatness is what happens in between. ♪ in between desperation and determination. ♪ in between tragedy and triumph. it happens when nobody is looking but everybody is searching. this is our path. ♪ where desire develops a soul. and greatness emerges from within. ready, set... ♪
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that'll get your holiday bell ringing. ♪wit♪it's time for us to goow. ♪spread some fa la la la la. ♪fa la la la la. ♪we can laugh and celebrate ♪fa la la la la. ♪we're making memories today♪ ♪fa la la la la. ♪come on everybody say... ♪fa la la la.
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>> jimmy: we are back with ryan seacrest. rebecca romijn and vintage trouble are on the way. and we're just talking about, like, christmas, the holidays and i was like, i'm looking forward to the break. you're working on the break. >> i'm working during the break. i take a few days off before, but between the 26th, we go to new york for the ball drop and then it's on -- >> jimmy: who is on the new year's eve show? >> we have 38 live performances. we're doing 5 1/2 hours from times square, which is the longest we've ever done. we've got everybody from one direction to lady antebellum. taylor swift is going to be at the center of all of this. we haven't announced this yet, but i'll tell you, we're going to have elton john live, as well. >> jimmy: i've heard of him, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] live, huh?
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>> he'll have the first performance of the new year, so -- i mean, i don't have to do much but introduce people and count backwards. pretty easy. >> jimmy: don't forget freeze. >> going to be cold. >> jimmy: it can be very cold. you have your daily workouts. >> thank you. >> jimmy: producing shows -- how many shows are you involved in right now? >> it's more than one, less than ten. >> jimmy: you are hosting "american idol." that comes on in january? >> that's january. >> jimmy: you've got -- your company. you got the charity work that you do. the arena football team you own. >> i don't own arena football team. >> jimmy: you don't? >> you're thinking of bon jovi. >> jimmy: oh, okay, all right, i am thinking of bon jovi. the question is, do you ever just sit still, can you even sit still? >> i never thought about it or had to do it or wished to do it. >> jimmy: well -- i would like to see you do it. and -- i -- would you just go with me on this? because -- >> i don't know that i'm capable. >> jimmy: i would like to find out, can ryan seacrest sit still for one minute? [ cheers and applause ]
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okay. come over here. this is -- this is going to be your chair right here. >> so i don't have to do anything? >> jimmy: ryan, this is what we call a chair. sometimes people sit in it and they contemplate instead of working. it's very simple. i'm going to put a minute on the clock. and you will sit there, perfectly still, for that time. i'm not going to do anything weird to you. i'm not going to try to distract you. i just want you to have a minute to yourself. >> i don't have to do anything? >> jimmy: not only you don't have to, you must not do anything. you understand? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay, let's put a minute on the clock. ready? >> yes. >> jimmy: get set. go nowhere. stay right there. not even looking at me. not even looking at me. don't socialize with the people. [ laughter ] don't look at your watch.
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it's not -- that is not your phone, is it? don't answer it. do not answer that phone. in fact -- okay. you got 20 seconds left. enjoy it. [ laughter ] think about nothing. >> seven, six, five, four, three, two, one -- >> jimmy: there you go! [ cheers and applause ] see that? pretty good, right? congratulations. did you like that? did you -- ryan? ryan? ryan? ryan? oh, my god. i think we might have broke him.
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ryan? ryan? um -- we're going to take a break. "dick clark's new year's rockin' ryan seacrest eve with dick clark and new year's" airs live on december 31st -- even that didn't bring him to life? oh, my god. at 8:00 here on abc. we'll be right back. ryan seacrest, everybody. vo: this is the hp x360. it has some pretty crazy moves. and these are some of the biggest vine, instagram, and youtube stars on the web. bring them all together with one of the hottest artists in the world... and you create a music video like never before. now that's how you bend the rules. introducing the next generation hp x360.
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camso anna switched him to rd to conceal. iams indoor weight and hairball care. now that he's lost the weight, he's a bit of a show-off. just one of many iams formulas to keep love strong. from their favorite aunt? boy: is she here? julia: yeah. i am. girl: mom says you give fancy gifts because you don't have a boyfriend. julia: i don't have a boyfriend. i have lots of boyfriends. ask around. presenting estaban! girl: he's allergic to hay. julia: then don't eat the hay. jenny: ok why don't you guys look under the tree, there's one more present for everyone. julia: wait what's happening? but what about... kids: wow. thanks, mom! dad: oh honey this is amazing! julia: do you always have to one up me? where did you get this stuff? jenny: old navy. the entire store is up to 75% off. julia: this is happening now? jenny: right now. julia: i gotta go. gotta go. hang on estaban, we're going shopping.
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i'm saving a ton of time by posting them to my wall. oh, i like that one. it's so quick! it's just like my car insurance. i saved 15% in just 15 minutes. i saved more than that in half the time. i unfriend you. that's not how it works. that's not how any of this works. [ male announcer ] 15 minutes for a quote isn't how it works anymore. with esurance, 7 1/2 minutes could save you on car insurance. welcome to the modern world. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call.
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>> jimmy: hey, everybody. my friend guillermo and i are finally taking a vacation and now that southwest airlines is growing internationally we have a lot more options, don't we, guillermo? >> yes. >> jimmy: like, we can go here. what is that right there? >> that's cabo. >> jimmy: that's right. what country is that in? >> mexico. >> jimmy: really good. how well do you know your geography? >> that's the only one i know. >> jimmy: where is this? this is another place southwest flies. >> southwest, ah -- puerto rico? >> jimmy: no, that is aruba. what do you know about aruba? >> nothing. >> jimmy: it rhymes with scuba. >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right. what country is this?
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>> that one, ah -- >> jimmy: it's green. what does that make you think of? [ laughter ] >> jamaica. >> jimmy: yeah, jamaica. and what about this group of islands right here? what is that? >> wow. fiji? >> jimmy: no, that is the bahamas. fiji is on the whole other side. >> oh. >> jimmy: but you did really good. you know what? southwest airlines flying international now, and that makes us -- >> international travelers! >> dicky: find fares online only at and enjoy southwest's service with a smile internationally, too.
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>> jimmy: hi there. still to come, music from vintage trouble. our next guest is a model turned supermodel turned actress turned mutant whom you can see defending both humanity and the dewey decimal system in the new fantasy series "the librarians." it premieres sunday at 8:00 on tnt. please welcome rebecca romijn. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: you look great. thank you for coming. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: how is everything? are you in the holiday spirit at home? is your husband -- >> yeah, everybody's pretty good. >> jimmy: good. >> holidays are going by all right. had a little bit of a mishap over thanksgiving. >> jimmy: for real? you did? >> not me, jerry. >> jimmy: oh. jerry did. what happened? >> yes, well -- this thanksgiving we had it at our house and on wednesday night we were remarking about what a great disaster-free thanksgiving it was and he took our kids on a play date with our friend, going to a trampoline place. >> jimmy: bad idea. >> somebody jumped up into his face and he cut his tongue right in the middle. and just got stitches. he kept saying, something's flapping around in there. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> something's flapping around in there.
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and he did do thanksgiving without stitches, but as of now he has stitches. >> jimmy: that's not good. >> now, three years ago, the last time we had thanksgiving at our house, he pulled the turkey out and he tried to pull the giblets out of the cavity of the turkey, it ricocheted into his eye. and sliced his eye. we spent thanksgiving with jerry in an eye patch. >> jimmy: what? wait a minute. >> arr. >> jimmy: why were the giblets in the turkey? >> that's where they put them. have you never done a turkey? >> jimmy: you don't leave them in there when you cook the turkey -- >> ladies -- that's where they come? the giblets are inside the turkey. that's how they come. >> jimmy: i know that's how they come. didn't you say it came out of the oven like that -- >> no, he was getting the turkey -- >> jimmy: oh, i've done a turkey. oh yes. >> oh. >> jimmy: i know my way around a turkey, but -- so he was actually attacked by -- >> it was a raw turkey. we wouldn't have been as worried if it had been the cooked turkey. because it was the raw turkey
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and it sliced his eye, he spent thanksgiving with an eye patch. >> jimmy: he has no tongue and an eye patch. that is terrible. >> that was three years ago. but now it's like, every time we have thanksgiving at our house, it's a disaster. >> jimmy: he should be wearing a helmet or a face mask. so, is he okay now? >> i mean -- he keeps asking me if i can hear his speech impediment. >> jimmy: oh, okay, yeah. >> he keeps thinking that he's talking funny. >> jimmy: is he not talking fun funny? >> i mean, he always kind of is talking funny. i can't tell. >> jimmy: are you guys still on the ranch that you -- >> yeah, we're up in -- it's close to kardashian country. >> jimmy: oh, it is? i don't know, where do the kardashians live? >> kardashian country. >> jimmy: one of the times, you or jerry were here, you were growing grapes and making wine out of the grapes. >> that was a long time ago. we started ten years ago and the vines, we had 800 grapevines, they finally matured. we've made wine. >> jimmy: how did you do that?
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>> i don't know. i mean -- listen, we thought it was going to be, quite frankly, we thought we were going to make wine but we thought it would be, like, headache [ bleep ] wine >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> and it's -- it's actually okay. >> jimmy: really? >> it's actually okay wine. it's a it is nice -- it's a nice mix. it's a nice table wine. and we're currently selling it at some restaurants in our area. >> jimmy: you are? >> really. >> jimmy: i love that you are selling it -- it's an okay wine. >> it's an okay wine. >> jimmy: is that the name of the wine? >> no, that's not the name of the wine, but jerry, who is a frugal man, won't cut a distributor into the works, so, he wants to sell it himself and so on any given day, he'll walk out in his wagon wheel wine, which is the name of the wine, t-shirt, which i had made for him and a briefcase, like an old '70s style briefcase, you put it on the table and it's got the combination and you, like, you open it up and inside, there's one bottle of wine.
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>> jimmy: one bottle of wine? really? >> that's it. and he'll go, i think there's a gourmet burger shop that opened down the street. shall we go? oh, jerry wants to go and do business. and jerry sells the wine. >> jimmy: to the people at the burger shop? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really? what is going on? >> that's how we sell our wine. >> jimmy: he's going to need a tongue to do that sort of thing. >> you're right. you're right. >> jimmy: wow. how many bottles of wine do you sell in a year? what kind of an operation are you talking about? >> not much. we're not breaking even. i think we're still paying for our hobby. but you know, 1,500 bottles. >> jimmy: that many? >> yeah, man, we're okay. we're doing okay. the wine is okay. >> jimmy: does he have the kids in there bottling the wine and doing -- >> no. the kids have nothing to do with the wine. >> jimmy: well, all right, that's probably for the best. though, jerry, you never know. he may operate some kind of labor camp there at your farm. >> you never know. >> jimmy: now, this show is called "the librarians," which is not an enticing title. i'm going to say that right now. because librarians are not
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known to be exciting individuals. but it is a show -- well, tell everybody what the show is about. >> okay. it's based on a series of three movies that were actually very successful, jimmy kimmel, called "the librarialibrarians"g noah wylie, who is the seeker of dangerous magical art facts hidden around the world, a la indiana jones. if you ask noah, it's indiana jones if indiana jones was played by don knots. >> jimmy: i see. >> it's a very silly version of action adventure. and this is the series, and we shot in portland. we premiere on sunday night. we premiere in the traditional spot of the world -- wide world of disney, sunday night 8:00 p.m. time slot and i think we really have that spirit of our show. >> jimmy: does it really? >> yes, absolutely. it's very wholesome and very funny. it's an action adventure show. >> jimmy: you are not a librarian. >> i am not. >> jimmy: no one would believe that. >> excuse me. >> jimmy: i meant that as a compliment. >> oh, thank you?
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>> jimmy: yes. you're welcome. >> i'm the protector -- i'm the body guard to the -- >> jimmy: that makes more sense. you protect the library? you're a security guard. >> i am. i'm a security guard. that's me. >> jimmy: and so, okay, and there are adventures and -- >> we have to save the world in every episode. >> jimmy: good. every episode? >> every episode. >> jimmy: wow, the world is in a lot of trouble. >> it really is. >> jimmy: well, it's very, very good to see you. please give jerry my best. [ cheers and applause ] give him a little tongue kiss for me. rebecca romijn, everybody. "the librarians" premieres sunday at 8:00 on tnt. we'll be right back with vintage trouble.
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>> jimmy: well, we give thanks to ryan seacrest, rebecca romijn, apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, this album is theirs, it's
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called "the bomb shelter sessions." here with the song "still and always will," vintage trouble. ♪ >> let me hear you scream out there! ♪ when you stumbled across me there around the way and i carried on like i was over you ♪ ♪ it's just a game i play ♪ see i'm a proud proud man ♪ ♪ you won't catch me down you won't find me on my knees crawling ♪ ♪ crawling on the dirty ground ♪ ♪ but what you don't see is the real me from what i show you would never know ♪ ♪ that i love ya like no other baby still and always will
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still and always will ♪ ♪ i tried to make out of sight be out of mind but your being gone makes me fonder ♪ ♪ fonder with passing time ♪ ♪ now i may act like i don't want you back kissing the strange like there's been a change ♪ ♪ but i love ya like no other baby still and always will still and always will ♪ ♪ if i could undo what lead from you i would undo it yesterday i'm nowhere near fine this smile ♪ ♪ there is no here when you're away ♪ ♪ i just don't feel the same without you calling my name i thought i could do it but without you ♪
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♪ it don't get done the same ♪ ♪ well ♪ when you stumbled across me there around the way and i carried on like ♪ ♪ i was over you it's just the game i play ♪ ♪ but what you don't see ♪ is the real me ♪ what i show you will never know ♪ ♪ baby love ya like no other baby ♪ ♪ still and always will still and always will still and always will still and always will ♪ ♪ still and always will ♪ still and always will ♪ always will ♪ always will ♪ still and always will ♪ always will ♪ always will
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all right, all right, my friends, let me hear you say yeah. yeah yeah. yeah yeah. yeah yeah. yeah! yeah! yeah yeah. yeah yeah. ♪ ♪ show these people who you are ♪ ♪ come on give it to me. give it to me. give it to me. give it to me. y'all better make some real noise. y'all better make some real noise. ♪ i love you baby ♪ can't stop loving you baby ♪ baby ♪ baby ♪ baby ♪ still aalways will
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♪ ♪ na na na ♪ na na na ♪ ♪
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♪ total stranger ♪ you don't know me ♪ and i don't know you this is "nightline" -- >> tonight, after two uniformed police officers are gunned down in broad daylight, a city and nation come together in grief, but remain divided on some of the questions raised by the braisen killers. tonight, what was behind the attack and how police are responding. plus, she's the mystery lady of pop. you might not recognize one of the world's most popular singers, and that's just the way sia wants it. she's behind top charters b beyonce and rihanna. but she plays by her own rules. how she battled back from addiction to chart number one hits.


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