tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 25, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
that is our report. we appreciate wroor -- your time. >> on "jimmy kimmel live," john stamos. unnecessary censorship." "cleto and the cletones" "unnecessary censorship"jimmy k" tonight, john stamos. from "fear the walking dead," mercedes mason. and music from iggy pop. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ]
>> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. thank you for watching. thank you all of you for coming. i hope you had a good weekend. i hope your lives are going smoothly. hey, this is pretty crazy. i don't know if you saw this. beyonce had a special. it was a mystery. the they only announced it a week before it came out. they never said if it was a concert or game show or documentary. turned out it was an hour long music video for all the songs on her new album. how they kept it a secret, i don't know. she called it lemonade. you didn't have to do a ton of reading into the lyrics that understand that much of the lyrics imply that her husband had an affair. and so beyonce took his lemons and squeezed them really hard
and made them lemonade. she made it into an album and video. the video is pretty wild. she walks around with a baseball bat. she throws her wedding ring at the camera. she sings about him singing someone named nickname to a becky. that used to be married to jae zi's partner. it's hard to follow. follow me and i'll show you in emojis. [ applause ] >> jimmy: here's what we know so far. okay? so beyonce released a new visual album called lemonade, and the internet was intrigued. particularly over the songs about marital infidelity.
beyonce sings he better call becky with the good hair, and she also sang if you try this blank again, you're going to lose your wife. hours after lemonade came out, fashion designer rachel roy posted a photo to instagram with a caption good hair, don't care, and hash tag "no drama queens" and beyonce's fans went nuts because they believed that rachel roy is the reason that beyonce's sister beat up jay-z in an elevator. so they took action. they went online, and they threatened rachel roy, and they even threatened rachel ray, the tv chef. for real. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it was like what the?
rachel ray hadn't even seen "lemonade" because she was around the corner where fudge is made. just to be clear, rachel ray is not becky with the good hair. that's a different person. that's rachel roy who then made her instagram account private and tweeted i respect love, majors, families and strength which shouldn't be tolerated no matter what is bullying of any kind. and rachel ray in turn made a delicious dinner in under 30 minutes. and then my wife, molly, exploded, and that was the end of it. that's what happened. the good news is at the end of the video -- [ applause ] >> at the end after all the drama, beyonce and jay-z and their daughter are dancing and
having fun. regular people do their oversharing on facebook. beyonce does it in hbo. k kelly ripa will be back to work. she disappeared after our network informed her her partner would be leaving the show to work on good morning america. they've been doing live with kelly and michael out kelly. tomorrow she will be back. wouldn't it be back if she shows up tomorrow and smashes michael's windshield like beyonce? guillermo, that would be like if they said you're going to be on the view and no one consulted me. >> guillermo: yeah, crazy. >> jimmy: anyway, kelly will be back tomorrow morning. according to what was said on the show today. >> kelly had a scheduled day off to celebrate her wedding anniversa anniversary. she'll be back tomorrow. we're all excited about it.
>> jimmy: that's definitely a lie. they're all excited about it except him. i wish i could be on that show with them tomorrow. i do. who's their guest tomorrow? from scandal? perfect. that's -- i would fly out there. see if they'll bump him and i'll go out. my lights are rolling empty. meanwhile, while we're on the subject of highly anticipated television events, game of thrones came back to hbo last night with a shocking episode only one person got naked last night. i don't want to spoil anything, but the big lesson from last night's show, women should always go to bed with their necklaces on. i love this show. you really have to see me during the previously on part they do before the new season starts. i'm like the dragon dropped her in the field. i forgot about him.
he's dead now. it's like an amnesia patient when the memories flood back. i rely on my wife but she dozed off last night. there's a number now you can call that i found to be very helpful. >> who is that? >> ttheon. >> what's he doing? what's happening? >> i don't know. i thought he died. >> hey, having a hard time following game of thrones? then dial a nerd. our nerds are standing by to answer all your game of thrones questions. >> dial a nerd. can i help you? >> what's going on with the dragon lady and the field of horse guys? >> that's the first ever name breaker of chains, mother of dragons. in order to escape an assassination attempt, her dragon drogan carries her off and she's in the midst of a
kalasar. >> oh. thanks. >> sure. >> i just talked to a girl. yeah. >> you have questions? our nerds have answers. call dial a nerd today. 800-720-6022. >> dial a nerd. >> there you go. [ applause ] >> thank you. thanks, everybody. there are ten more presidential primaries tomorrow in five states. hillary clinton, donald trump are looking to extend their leads. trump held a rally in rhode island where he's focusing less on insulting his opponents and more on the big issues that we face as a nation. >> let's start by saying leave tom brady alone. leave him alone. leave him alone. he's a great guy. it's enough. it's enough. >> jimmy: he's always looking out for the little guy. and then he got back to
insulting his opponents starting with john kasich. >> did you see him? he has the news conference all the time when he's eating. i have never seen a human being eat in such a disgusting fashion. >> jimmy: and he hangs out with chris christie, by the way. so -- oh, he's not finished? i'm sorry. no go on. >> i'm always telling my young son, all of them, i'd say, children, small little bites. small. this guy takes a pancake and he's shoving it in his mouth. it's dis gusting. do you want that for your president? i don't think so. >> jimmy: clearly, there's more? oh. >> he's eating today j stuffing it. i never saw -- bites this big. he's pushing it in with his -- i never saw a guy eat like this. i told my son he was watching, he said daddy, look. i said don't watch. little bites, little bites.
>> jimmy: i say the same thing to my daughter, but we watch cookie monster together, not john kasich. john kasich and ted cruz have formed a game of thrones like alliance to stop trump. the plan is to coordinate which states they compete in. for example, cruz isn't going to devote any resources in oregon and nevada where kasich believes he has more of a shot. and in return, cruz is going to dominate indiana. as long as they do it three months ago, it just might work. i love this part of the process where you have to make friends now with the guy you've been fighting with all of this time. trump, of course, weighed in on this plan on twitter. he said lying dead and kasich are dead. they're donors and special interest groups are not happy with them. john kasich may be mathematically dead, but he
doesn't know it. he was on face the nation head where the reality of being beaten by a reality show host doesn't seem to have set in. >> let me ask you about the convention. there are reports you're vetting running mates. what can you tell us about that? >> we have some old hands beginning to do that. these things come quickly. you don't want to have yourself in a position where you have to pick somebody out of a hat. >> jimmy: well, don't worry. you won't be. he's looking for a running mate. why not -- you might as well name abe lincoln or frosty the snow man. this is something they should be focussed. this is the kind of thing we need to do something about. >> florida man had to be rescued from his inflatable bubble after he attempted to cross the caribbean. the man set out to complete a 5,000 kilometer trek through the islands eve tachb coast guard warned him not to. >> this is the second time this happened. he had to be rescued by the
coast guard in 2014 for doing the same thing. where's a sword fish when you need him. rescuing him has cost taxpayers $144,000. i think i speak for all of us when i say we're sick of it. >> now more than ever, america faces serious issues with serious consequences. a failing education system, raising medical costs, terrorism, climate change, and while we may not be of the same mind on all of them, there's one thing on which we all agree. we must unite to stop this jack ass in a bubble. paid for my americans against jack asses in bubble. >> when we come back. you'll see people confused. return of ya ya when we come back. we'll be right back.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from iggy pop, from "fear the walking dead," mereceds mason, and we'll be right back with john stamos. first it's time for a visit from yehya. i fell in love with him instantly. he loves celebrities whether he knows who thigh are or not. he stands outside waiting for famous people to come out to take pictures of them. here to share some of his star studded snapshots, here is
yehya. yeh yehya, come on out. what are you doing, yehya? did they tell you -- >> how are you? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did they tell you where to stand? >> yeah. they tell me. >> jimmy: did they tell you to have their fly open for this or was that your own decision? >> i do it by myself. >> jimmy: your fly is open. open? >> jimmy: there you go. okay, good. maybe just button the -- all right. well, very good. that's all right. well, first of all, and most importantly, may i say good bless you. >> thank you, jimmy. jimmy is the best guy. i love him. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's like we're playing tennis or something. we should have gloves.
we can have a catch next times. how many photos have you taken over the years? >> six months ago it was 10,000. like, allen, allen general. >> jimmy: yes, ellen degeneres. >> i say can i take picture. she say i watch you. >> jimmy: in a way, you have become a celebrity yourself. >> you make me famous, jimmy. thank you so much. god bless you. >> jimmy: let's look at some of the photos and take us through where you met this person. we'll start with this famous woman. who is this, yehya? >> this is a comedian lady. >> jimmy: she was on saturday night live. what's her name? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: no idea, huh? >> no. i don't know the young kids. you know? >> jimmy: i'll give you a hint. it starts with an a. >> allen? >> jimmy: yes, allen.
that's allen funt. he used to host candid camera. >> i forget. i don't know. >> jimmy: let's go to the next one. do you know who this is? >> yeah, i know. rihanna. >> jimmy: that's right. very good. where did you see her? >> i saw her. you don't stop for me, he said i'm here, what do you want. i got a picture. only me and one guy. she's very nice. >> jimmy: that must have been a dream come true. let's go to the next photograph. this is a great film star, great actor. >> very good actor, and he did the movie with the steve mcqueen called -- what his name, the old movie. remember? >> jimmy: yeah. it was a movie. >> and he's in the chair in the ocean. >> jimmy: that's the name of that movie? >> papion. >> jimmy: let's start with the name of the actor. >> dustin hoffman. >> jimmy: that's right.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know why this is even a game. all right. next. all right. now do you see yourself? which one is you? >> maybe with the beard or the glasses? >> jimmy: who is this celebrity you got a photo with? >> ice tea. ice cube. >> jimmy: ice what? close enough. that's ice, yeah. who else do we have up there? let's see. how about this handsome gentleman. >> i don't know his name. >> jimmy: do you know his movie. >> the one with the hammer. and he's in the movie now where the lady like magic ghost. the new movie with the crazy flier. she make up like -- like a ghost and stuff like that. >> jimmy: right. i think that's how they describe it on the poster, yeah. >> she's from australia.
>> jimmy: he is. now don't -- you don't know his name? >> his brother, he's with miley cyrus. >> jimmy: his brother, yeah. >> i don't know his name. >> jimmy: let's go to the next one. where did this happen? >> i don't know. jim. you sent me. >> jimmy: i sent you to this? no. >> yeah, in new york. >> jimmy: that was in new york? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who is that man? >> trump. >> jimmy: what's his first name? >> donald. donald with no coffee. donald. he want to make problem for everyone. i don't know. >> jimmy: all right. next -- >> problem for everyone. >> jimmy: let's look at one more. who is this? >> i saw him last week. >> jimmy: he was here a couple weeks ago. >> very nice and stop and take picture with me. zach handover. >> jimmy: yes. >> very nice.
>> jimmy: do you know his name? >> zac efron? i forget. zach something. >> jimmy: very good. you did very well. you got more than half the names. >> thank god. >> jimmy: can i get one kiss, a kiss on the mouth before you go. on the mouth. come on. >> i'm not johnny depp. no. no. i can't. >> jimmy: just give me a little kiss on the mouth. just a little one. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yehya, >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from iggy pop, from "fear the walking dead," mereceds mason, and we'll be right back with john stamos. >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by jaguar. the art of performance.
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>> jimmy: tonight, from "fear the walking dead," mercedes mason is here. then, this is his new album, called "post pop depression," iggy pop from the samsung stage with help from some queens and monkeys! tomorrow night, kate hudson, evan peters, and music from james bay. and later this week, johnny knoxville, chadwick boseman, chs hardwick, music from john mellencamp, robert randolph, and nick jonas
featuring tove lov. please join us for all that. >> jimmy: despite exhibiting the boyish good looks of a freshman in community college, our first guest has been in the entertainment industry for more than 85 years. his show is called "grandfathered," it airs tuesday night on fox, please welcome john stamos. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi. all right. all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> you think i milk it, don't you? >> jimmy: i don't think you milk it, but what i notice is contrast, and i notice there's a difference. i come out and everyone is like hey, and you come out and everyone is like, a weird almost
like sexual urge that is being focussed on you. pelvises are being put forth. >> it's great, isn't it? >> jimmy: yeah. fantastic. >> you look great, jimmy look at you. >> jimmy: for you at coachella? >> were you? >> jimmy: no. >> no. i was having a super docile for the twins on the show and josh peck was there, and there was a great sort of bird raft in the pool. i said let's take a picture and we'll tell everyone we're at coachella. >> jimmy: i think we have the picture. >> we're sitting in a flamingo. i swear there are girls here and i was getting texts saying you're here? >> jimmy: you're a tease. >> josh is your co-star on grandfathered. do bob sag et get jealous of your relationship with not only
josh but now a new relationship with twins? >> they get jealous of a lot of stuff. >> jimmy: really? >> no. we're all one big happy family. >> jimmy: whenever anybody says that, i think something terrible has happened. >> i was thinking about it. doing the new show of "fuller house", we would car pool. >> jimmy: who? >> me bob and dave. i would spend the night at bob's house, we would call gay hot lines and say this is bob saget. call me. and bob would get calls as he's married with his wife. he wasn't happy about that, but we had fun. >> jimmy: sounds like you guys had fun. >> bob had fun. i took him to a strip club once. we were driving home. let me finish. i remember it was like we were
big in the ratings that day. i said let's celebrate. there's a strip club off the 405. i can't go. we'll be recognized. i know a guy. we're sitting a little close to the stage and then it looks like there's a "full house" here tonight. bob and johnstamos. >> jimmy: why do you need to go to a stripper? when women lean up a telephone pole, don't they take clothes off? >> those are hookers. who does that? >> jimmy: i don't know. what i want to bring up is you've been making videos since you were a kid. how old? >> i had an 8 millimeter camera. i wanted to be a stunt man. i grew up in orange county, and they had a great old western stunt show. i wanted to do that. i had these 8 millimeter
cameras, and you would shoot a little bit and you couldn't cut. there was no sound. you'd stop, and then if it was a ghost and the guy could leave and you'd shoot again. that kind of stuff. >> jimmy: show this and tell us who's in it and what is going on. this is from your real home video collection. >> that's me. i land. this girl had money. i was trying to get the money from her, and i'm going after her with a bat, i guess, which is not nice. >> jimmy: you're an attacker. >> yeah, and all of a sudden, boom, can we stop this? she all of a sudden has a nazi hat from somewhere. it was very -- >> jimmy: you were with the resistance here? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're beating a woman with a two by four over the head. >> but she had -- then she just beats us up. >> jimmy: did you work this out? this is actually fairly well done. >> yeah. we did a lot. we just keep getting beat. [ laughter ] >> we were super pro women back
then. like let's have the woman be the hero. >> jimmy: and who were the other two people? do you remember? >> um, that was sh >> jimmy: did you ever make love to that young woman? >> no. she was my best friend, and he's watching tonight. >> jimmy: she is and is she wondering if you never made love to her? >> no. >> jimmy: we'll be back to explain after this. i have a blog called "daddy doing work", it's funny that i've been in the news for being a dad. windows 10 is great because i need to keep organized. school, grocery shopping. my face can unlock this computer. that's crazy. macbooks are not able to do that. "hey cortana, remind me we have a play date tomorrow at noon"
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john just told me a terrible story. i don't know if it's suitable. do you think you can tell that story? >> re-asked what you've been doing. i said i've been traveling a lot. but when you haven't been out for a while and you get out, one of the best parts is you get the meet the people that watch the shows. i was in an airport and a gentleman said, my daughter is
having a rough day. could you come over and take a picture. she was about 15. do you mind if i video. she's never been kissed. could you kiss her for me? i'm like what next? >> jimmy: just what you need. >> and also when you're out and about, here's what's going on in my mind. tell me if you think about this. do you notice every celebrity somehow is at the right place at the right toim to save someone's life on camera. tom hanks is finding wallets and losing wallets. ryan gosling, he was in new york and a fight broke out. he sort of appears and he has a tank top on. he squeezes the guy. and it's all on video. i'm always sort of looking for. >> jimmy: didn't jamie fox save somebody? >> a car was on fire. he had the jaws of life in his back thing. i want to do it to help somebody, but it would be good
if it was on camera. i'm sort of always kind of looking around. you never know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i'm at a restaurant with johnny knoxville. we come out. the paparazzi is there. they get in a full on fight. i'm thinking here's my chance. i get over there. i'll separate it. i'll start squeezing something. but then i thought, this is a little dangerous, so i kind of got out of the way. >> jimmy: when did you change your mind and decide not to help? >> pretty soon. yeah, and so i was like but the pictures that came out and it was on this, like website, d listed or something. do you have the pictures? >> jimmy: we do have the pictures. >> so instead of being a hero, like, right? [ laughter ] >> do you have another one? >> jimmy: well, yeah. we have another one. there's you, and then there's another one as well.
>> oh. >> jimmy: you threw your hands up. the part, the extra part to this is that that gentleman in the corner there is -- send yehya out here again. it's yehya. that's yehya. [ applause ] >> jimmy: yehya, what happened? what was going on? >> actually, you know, he's very nice. that guy, jack azz. he come out and pop raaparazzi for me. after i stop, he punch me in my back. he not help me. he cover scared. >> jimmy: are we going to run subtitles to that? >> jimmy: yehya, don't you think it's a little weird you would come out here and kiss him on
the mouth? >> i don't kiss him. i kiss him from here. >> jimmy: you did kiss him on the mouth. can we play that back? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: john stamos! "grandfathered" airs tuesdays at 8:30pm on fox. we'll be right back with mercedes mason. this is a fingerprint. and with touch id it does way more than unlock your phone. it logs you into things, like your bank account. see what i mean? it checks you into your flight. ooop, your phone! it pays for stuff like... (mouth full) doughnuts. how about chew then talk. it unlocks things for you. it signs documents for you.
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[ applause ] >> jimmy: someone told me you flew here on a helicopter from mexico today. is that true? >> as luck would have it, thank you, amc. my show the last second we had to film one scene and we had to shoot it in mexico. we knew that crossing the boardboar boarder sometimes can take five or six hours. i took a helicopter. you could have rung my t shirt out. >> jimmy: scared? was it bumpy? >> yes. we get ushered into the helicopter last minute. this is thrown at me. i'm excited and nervous. as we get up the pilot says we might not be able to land anywhere near jimmy kimmel or burbank because the winds are so high that it might toss the helicopter. i passed out for at least a minute, 100 %. >> jimmy: from fear? >> i went limp. everything was like, you know
when your hands and feet fall asleep pins and needles. >> jimmy: i've never heard of anyone in real life passing out from fear. >> for just a minute. and then i came back to no smelling salts and i was still in this heldish helicopter, but i feel like jamie bond. >> jimmy: they knocked you out when you came out. zp >> i knocked myself out. >> jimmy: you are originally from sweden. >> yes. a small down. >> jimmy: what's the name? >> lin whichopin. >> jimmy: your family moved to the united states or you moved by yourself? >> i was 12 or 13. i would have had to run away from home. >> jimmy: well the helicopters and what not, crossing borders. do you consider yourself to be an american now? >> funny you say that.
as of wednesday i took my citizenship interview, i haven't been sworn in yet but i passed. [ applause ] >> jimmy: was it hard? >> i studied. i studied more than i did for the s.a.t.s. i was sweating my. my husband is american and i'm like quiz me. he didn't know anything, by the way. useless. >> jimmy: that's part of being american. [ laughter ] >> he's like just bring an apple pie. my interview is at 7:00 a.m. why should be the question. so i show up and i thought i was being cute. i was so excited that i wore blue jeans, a white t shirt and red loafers. red, white and blue. i was so excited. so i show up way early. 6:00 a.m. and i'm eager beaver, huh, guys, american? they're like we don't care. they're all standing in line. i'm holding a hot dog for no reason. so i get up there and you wait.
there's a waiting process. you get in there and wait and wait. so i finally, it's my turn, and i literally jumped up. i have my study supplies and my number two pencil. i'm like yes, yes, that's me. he takes me around this long sort of corridor, and when i get nervous, i joke or try. i'm like hey, i should have brought bread crumbs. not having it. did not care. didn't even turn around. i'm like okay. hard critic. whatever. it's early. he goes into his office. there's cubicles. and i don't know. i felt like we were 12-year-olds on a date. like you're not allowed to close a door because who knows if people try to take their clothes off in there? i don't know. that's how you get your citizenship? i'm about to close the door and he goes no. >> jimmy: really? >> really. okay. and there's cubicles right next to each other. so, again, normal human behavior, i go to pull my chair out and he goes i didn't ask you to pull your chair out. my heart is beating through my
chest, i'm like god, i failed already. this is terrible. i'm going to be deported. i'm going to have to live in mexico the rest of my life. we're going through this whole thing. i'm nervous. i'm ringing my hands. he's like are you nervous, like a socio-path. i'm like no. you don't want them to know you have fear. they'll kill you. >> jimmy: i think that's d zombies. >> he didn't have much life force. >> jimmy: what's his name? >> i can't say it. i haven't been sworn in yet. he could yank it. here's the worst. he requests me questions. i finally pass i think and i say so does this mean i'm a dual citizen. i've heard this happens to people in sweden. he goes do you want to be american or not? you're either loyal or not. i start singing the star spangled banner. i had a top hat. here's the worst of it.
>> jimmy: that's worse? >> it gets worse. he took his pants off. no. he didn't. i did -- broadca [ laughter. >> i'm sitting there sweating bullets. he's hating everything i stand for. my outfit. the next door you could hear the guy talking to his person who he's interviewing and they're popping champagne. they're audibly hugging. they're exchanging e-mail numbers. they're best friends. and i'm desperately lying to lean to hear what they're talking. i so badly wanted to be in that room. >> jimmy: you know what? guillermo, as a fellow immigrant who did pass the citizenship, welcome her properly. >> jimmy: welcome to america. >> guillermo: welcome to america. >> jimmy: you don't have to go to the swearing in. he officially swore you in. >> if i say jimmy kimmel swore
thank you so much. did you say honey? hey, try some? mmm that is tasty. is it real? of course... are you? nope animated you know i'm always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well you've come to the right place. great, mind if i have another taste? not at all mmm you're all right bud? never better i don't know if he likes that. yeah part of the complete breakfast
as a senator's statement this job is a masquerade of recreation ♪ ♪ like a wreck i'm sinking fast the key to everything i crawl for sunday ♪ ♪ when i don't have to move caught up in dreams untangled one day where i don't have to prove ♪ ♪ the days roll on and finally sunday a sunday afternoon i've got it all ♪ ♪ but what's it for but getting some more
always ready always steady and ♪ ♪ always ready always steady and the street is as cold as a corporate law suit ♪ ♪ a pride i can't jive is telling me to wipe my boots i'm a wreck what did you expect ♪ ♪ the key to everything i crawl for sunday when i don't have to move caught up in dreams ♪ ♪ untangled one day where i don't have to prove
the days roll on and finally sunday ♪ ♪ a sunday afternoon i've got it all and so what now ♪ ♪ ♪ do what they say and then do what they say go back ♪ ♪ do what they say and then do what they say go back ♪ ♪ do what they say and do what they say till sunday until i'm black and blue ♪ ♪ oh what can i do always ready always steady and always ready ♪ ♪ always steady and ♪
this is "nightline." >> tonight a sports star out of control. johnny manziel j football's top project expected to be indicted on assault charges for attacking his former girlfriend. his agent and nike, is he an addict spiraling down a dangerous road? ♪. >> plus beyonce gets crazy with lemonade. it has the beehive and the internet buzzing. is she revealing secrets about her own major? but first. ♪ >> the "nightline" five.