tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 18, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
>> jimmy: here we go. got one, yes! i got him. i got him. thank you. sorry i've been distracted for the last ten days or so. but i finally caught my pikachu for conference. this pokemon is a menace. no one's looking up anymore. we have a bunch of pokemon cult members all walking around like this. in case you're wondering how it works, it's simple. you walk around catching virtual creatures, you build up star dust and candy, the star dust gives them the power, and feed them the candy, and they can
capture your creatures and try to win control of a gym for your team. it's not complicated. [ laughter ] i don't know what the hell is going on. i've decided to treat everyone on pokemon who is like a character on the walking dead, the person we love is gone now, we have to move on. only thing more confusing than the pokemon thing is the republican national convention which is under way in cleveland. they say there haven't been this many white people at the quicken loans arena since the night they double booked jimmy buffett and kenny g. [ laughter and applause ] there's a protest, all sorts of dancing, speakers today willy robertson and "duck dynasty," antonio sabato jr from -- antonio sabato sr, i guess.
scott baio, and they're one dennis rodman short of being a new season of sebl apprentice. and ben carson is going to speak tomorrow, so that should fire everyone up. a number of key republicans are skipping the convention. jeb bush, instead of traveling to cleveland, he spent the night home crying. mitt romney furiously gyre ronnro -- ironed his dockers against the pleat. and this. >> you're not known to be a humble man, but i wonder -- >> i think i am humble. i think i'm much more humble than you would understand. >> that might be the most donald trumpy thing donald trump has ever said. he's bragged about how humble he is. the guy sitting next to him, looking sad, that's his new running mate, indiana governor mike pence. they got a lot of attention this week for their new logo, which
did not make it clear if they're trying to make america great again or pregnant. donald trump doesn't back off, but he did agree to change it to this. [ laughter and applause ] >> seems they're getting along. apparently trump was unsure about the guy he was choosing for vice president all the way down to the wire. they say he wanted to dump pence at midnight the night before the announcement and go with -- which would have made him a pence dispenser. they are off to a strong start. mike pence flew to new york to make the announcement. when you're in new york, where do you go? if you're mike pence, busy weekend in new york, enjoying a quick dinner with the family at chili's. [ laughter ] all right making good decisions. should i have the mix and match fa heatas or the loaded boneless
wings, i don't think. meanwhile the other competition show, the gods of love gifted us with a new episode of "the bachelorette." have you been following that? [ applause ] it was hometown date night, which is one of the best of the season. at the beginning of the year, i predicted jojo would end up with jordan. but after the hometown dates, i'm not show sure they're compatible. this is jordan. this is his brother, check that hair. this is derek's girlfriend. and this is their mom. so i don't know that jojo has the right hair for this relationship. [ laughter ] she might need to invest in a bump-it if she wants this to go all the way. i don't know if you know, but i'm the producer of a very popular bachelor spin-off show starring kids, the little people who like to go to a park wp this week, we had our hometown visits. with that side, it's time for
episode 4 of the baby bachelorette. previously, passion reached new heights to two exotic destination dates. but now it's time for her to meet the families on two dramatic hometown dates. >> hi, manny. >> hi, bianca. >> hi, bianca, nice to meet you. i'm tanai. >> hi, i'm lucy. >> it's a pleasure to meet you both. >> my sisters are so important to me. i hope they like bianca. >> this is really delicious. you're a great cook. >> thank you. >> i miss home cooking. >> but just as things were going so well, lucy gets real. >> bianca, are you in love with my brother? >> i worry about ter intentions with manny.
she has another man. >> yes, i do like manny, but there's someone else. they really put me on the spot. this process is complicated, but manny and i have something special. he's an amazing guy. >> they like her, yay! >> juice, bianca? >> yes, please. >> i see bianca as part of our family. >> cheers. >> after an emotional breakthrough and 12 juice boxes with manny's sister, bianca travels to meet alex's family. >> alex and i have an amazing collection. hopefully i'll love his family too. >> hey, hot stuff.
>> i got a weird vibe from carson. get out of here, carson. hi, bianca. >> i don't know what he sees in stupid alex. by the end of this, she'll probably be dating me. >> while alex was trying to make bianca feel at home, his brother carson was trying to put their love in time-out. >> carson is a butt hole. >> at their emotional breaking point, alex and bianca try to salvage what is now a fragile relationship. >> alex, i feel like you're building walls. >> no, i'm building a fort. >> alex needs to allow himself to feel. i wish he would open up to me and be vulnerable. >> i don't know what vulnerable means. >> i feel like we're really in different places right now. >> we are. i'm in a fort.
>> today was rough. and just when things couldn't get worse for the desperate couple -- [ screaming ] >> mom! >> i cannot wait to get out of here. i just don't feel welcome here. >> but i built us a fort to live in. >> i should go. >> i understand. goodbye, gorgeous. oh, that was a disaster. >> coming up on the most dramatic season finale in baby bachelorette history, who will bianca choose? but first, tune in next week for "the men tell all" special. >> i ask to ask, why captain
america? >> i'm spiderman! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, has anyone here like money? i'm assuming the answer is yes. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to have some fun and maybe make a bill pile of cash for those of you here in our studio audience. let's go to my aunt chippy who is at the cosmopolitan of las vegas. hello, aunt chippy. aunt chippy is there to play black jack for you, and if she wins, you will win. is that how it's going to go? [ cheers and applause ] so a few years back, you won, how much -- what was the most you won for the studio audience, aunt tippy? >> the first time i played, i won $100,000. but i lose it at the machine.
>> jimmy: so aunt chippy has $10,000, she's going to bet that on one hand, if she wins, we're going to let it ride twice. she hits three hands in a row. >> be nice. >> jimmy: you all win. if any hand is a push, we'll replay that round. there's no doubling down, no splitting, but a black jack still pays one and a half. let's do it, cut the cards, let's play some 21. [ cheers and applause ] hold on a second, hold on. there's not supposed to be anyone else at the table. this is supposed to be a one-person table right now. >> who is this? who is that? who is this guy? >> i'm just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit. took a midnight train going anywhere. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. what's your name, sir?
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back. christina applegate, mike piazza. we have music from the last bandoleros with a special surprise superstar guest. but first we're going back to my aunt tippy at the kos mow poll tan. why is this loser still with you, aunt chippy? >> i'm here for the world premiere of "jason bourn" tonight in las vegas. [ cheers and applause ] thought maybe i'd play some cards with aunt chippy. is that a crime? >> jimmy: i don't know. you know this man has robbed casinos? >> i adopted him, you're out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're going to bet $10,000 for the audience. matt, got help you if you take our cards. let's do it, put the money out.
here we go. matt gets a three, we get a ten. that's a nice start. you see what i told you about him! >> you shut up, you're giving me the horns! >> jimmy: we would have had that 11 right there. matt's doubling. dealer is showing a nine. >> we're going to have to take a hit, chippy, i'm afraid. >> we're going to have to take the hit. >> jimmy: oh, matt has a 20. >> i got a 20. >> jimmy: chip, we got to take a card, right? yeah, you gotta make that. now we have nothing. now we have no money, and i'm going to tell you why. because matt damon showed up. he took all your money from you and now we have nothing. >> hang on, wait a minute, wait a minute. jimmy, i was thinking, you know, i don't know if you've ever seen
$10,000, but i personally like your studio audience a lot, and i feel like some of them like me. [ cheers and applause ] i think we gotta do this again. >> jimmy: all right, all right. all right, let's do it. >> i want to get out of the way and let this be all about chippy, okay? >> jimmy: yeah, all right. [ audience chanting "chippy" ] >> 16, that's tough. >> jimmy: and another nine showing. >> we're going to have to hit that again. >> i gotta hit it again? >> you do. you got to assume she has a 19. >> jimmy: aunt chippy, what do you think we should do? >> if i get a card i don't like, i'm gonna throw up on the table. so give me a good card. >> jimmy: all right, we may get
to see some vomiting tonight. >> you should give the audience $10,000 apiece just for sitting through your monologue. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: how dare you. don't you have any friends that you could be with right now. >> are you looking? >> i'm trying. >> that's my new favorite aunt i'm with right now. >> jimmy: all right, give us a card. i don't know what we're waiting for. let's do it, the suspense is killing us. oh, yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> now we gotta hope she does her job. we gotta walk away. >> jimmy: that's not necessarily great, but let's see what the dealer has. the dealer has, oh, no.
[ cheers and applause ] [ crowd chanting "chippy" ] >> jimmy: all right, deal them. >> i stopped breathing. >> that's one. we need a few more. we need two more. >> jimmy: all right, here we go, $20,000. we're gonna stay right there. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: we have $40,000. [ audience chanting "chippy" ] >> jimmy: $40,000, despite the presence of matt damon, we are actually winning. let's see her cards one more time. >> jimmy: don't jinx everythi. , >> don't jinx us, jimmy!
i'm gonna take that show from you. >> jimmy: i've already lost my aunt. okay, let's see some cards. here we go. oh, a five. >> we're gonna stop and let her do her thing. >> stay. >> 18. >> jimmy: what did i tell you about him? >> leave it alone! >> wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. >> jimmy: what did i tell you about him? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is real money, by the way. >> it's real money. this is real money. >> jimmy: okay. let's do it again. >> come on, chippy. >> jimmy: i found myself in a rare position. >> all right, we gotta stay.
>> jimmy: she's got a nine. we're going to stay. a four or something. well, there he is, everybody, born loser is back again. jason bourn comes out july 29th, do not go see that movie! nobody go to see it! >> wow, wow. >> jimmy: we have music from the last band ler os and we'll be right back with christina applegate. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by "the cosmopolitan of las vegas," a unique luxury resort and casino in the heart of the strip. rence event, you can get a great deal on this 2016 passat. steve. yeah? clarence is on a roll. yeah. i wish they'd name an event after me. same here. but the model year end becky event? that's no good... stevent! that's just vandalism. whatever you want to call it,
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, he's a 12-time, major league all-star who will be inducted into the baseball hall of fame on sunday -- mike piazza is here. [ cheers and applause ] then, this is their single. it's called "where do you go?" the last bandoleros from the samsung stage. they will be joined tonight by a mystery superstar of music. who could it be? find out later. tomorrow night kristen bell will be here, dave franco will join us, we have music from domo genesis with anderson paak. our first guest tonight entered our homes and our hearts on
on "married with children." now she's married with child herself. you can see her play a pta monster mother in the new movie "bad moms." >> i don't know what's going on with you, with your weird outbursts and your terrible style, but it ends now. okay? i run this school, and i can make life a living hell for you and your dirty little children. do you understand me? >> wow, i genuinely think you should just relax a little bit. have a donut hole, they're delicious. from the gas station. >> you have crossed the line, girl. i'm going to destroy you. winter is coming. >> jimmy: "bad moms" opens in theaters july 29th. please say hello to christina applegate. [ cheers and applause ]
♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? >> good, how are you? >> good to see you. >> jimmy: your daughter is not old enough to be capturing pokemons, is she? >> no. >> jimmy: how old is she? >> she's 5 1/2. so we're going to see ear muffs a lot during this interview. >> jimmy: okay, i got you. >> it goes by so quickly. >> jimmy: do you think you will cry? >> i cry new. she goes to school for three hours and i'm like, i missed you so much! and then like five minutes later, i need a tap out, guys. >> jimmy: yeah, right. is she excited about going to kindergart kindergarten? >> yeah, she's really excited. none of her friends are going there with her, but she's excited. she's going to get new stuff. >> jimmy: when do you start shopping for back-to-school supplies? >> i guess that's coming up soon. she needs to get a backpack, because she's been carrying around the same canvas tote for three years in her preschool.
it's disgusting. there's stuff living within the fibers of that. there's holes. >> jimmy: will you let her pick her own backpack? >> ear muffs. she's screwed the pooch on picking her own things. >> jimmy: why? >> i've always been supportive of her expressing herself with her fashion choices, like a tutu with a pant and kind of quirky and odd and awesome. she came home the other day from shopping with her godmother with ear muffs, two of the ugliest dresses i have ever seen in my entire life. like, don't think i can allow this. >> jimmy: can you blame the godmother? who really picked the dresses out? >> sadie's a very strong woman. >> jimmy: so she know what is she wants. did you bring her -- because you will play a very bad mom in the movie "bad moms"?
did she see you behaving like that? was she on the set? >> oh, no. when they were cutting the trailers together, i couldn't really use me because i drop the f bomb in pretty much every single sentence. i don't know how you got that clip, because in that clip, i say the f bomb about seven times. >> jimmy: we were cheating out of the f word? wow, that's disappointing. >> i'm a despicable human being in this film. >> jimmy: do you like playing that? >> it was amazing. the real me got to flourish on screen in the cinema. no, that's not who i am. >> jimmy: you were even younger than sadie when you started making commercials? >> yeah. i was 3 years old, started doing regular commercials and then regular commercials for years and years and years. >> jimmy: do you remember any of those, when you were really young, shooting any of those commercials? >> i remember so many of them,
but in particular, okay, little kids who act, have to get these things called flippers when they lose a tooth. >> i watch toddlers and tiaras. >> but it's not likea -- like that, that weird thing they all have, it's a night guard. this is like one tooth that goes in to replace the one tooth that fell out. it looks like the rest of your tooth and you look like a normal kid. anyway, i got this commercial, and the only reason i got it, because i was the only kid who came in who had all of their teeth. mind you, two of my teeth were gone, but i had these flippers, so it was like a canned ham commercial. delightful. so in the scene, i'm supposed to take a big bite, and i go, and you know how hard that stuff is. and mouth came out, and flipper was stuck in canned ham and
there i was, like, hey, hey, everybody. they were none too pleased. >> jimmy: they didn't use that take? >> no, i don't think they did. >> jimmy: well, the movie is called "bad moms." it opens on july 29th. great cast you got there, mila kunis, kristen bell. >> kathryn hahn, annie mummelo, jada pinkett-smith and her legs are in it. >> jimmy: her legs are in this one too? >> girl's got some hot legs. you can see that, "bad moms" on july 29th. we'll be right back with mike piazza. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by "i can't believe it's not butter!"
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>> jimmy: on sunday, he'll be inducted into the baseball hall of fame. please welcome the italian american superstar catcher, number 31, mike piazza! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, congratulations, first of all. >> thank you, man. >>. >> jimmy: for those who don't know, it's an unbelievable story. you're in with the 62nd round, you got drafted. >> it was pretty late. >> jimmy: rarely does a player make it, and not number 62, the 62nd round. >> they don't even have 60 rounds anymore. >> jimmy: is that right? >> they stop at 50. so technically i couldn't go back and be drafted again. >> jimmy: if this were "back to the future", you would not be sitting here. >> true. >> jimmy: you found out when you got the call, saying it's happening, you're going. did it feel like you thought it
would feel? >> it was kinda crazy, because the last few years, i was getting close, and the year before i really was disappointed because it was close and i'm sitting there, and they say, well, look, here's the number, give us your number. we'll call you between 11 and 1. so i put the phone down, i'm trying to do other things and i keep looking at the phone. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then last year, the year i didn't make it, it was like 2:00, phone was off, and i was so disappointed. >> jimmy: oh, they take your number. >> yeah. so you're sitting there, trying to do other things. this year, obviously they called me right away. so it was crazy. very emotional. >> jimmy: who was the first person you told then? >> obviously my family was there. my wife actually taped it. >> jimmy: were they taping you last year when you didn't get the call? >> no, i kinda knew when they said, we don't want to send anybody to your house. >> jimmy: so you know you're going in as a new york met?
>> yeah. >> jimmy: are you the second? >> yeah. >> jimmy: tom seever, the other one. do you know which facial hair they'll choose for you? >> no, it's funny because a lot of fans were on social media saying you got to grow the chops back, the fu man chew, or the abe lincoln chops and then i tried to do that a few months ago and it was gray. i want people to remember me the cool guy, not the old guy with the shoe polish. >> jimmy: have you got the speech? >> the speech is in the can. >> jimmy: that's good. >> and i'm gonna cry. >> jimmy: oh, you are? >> yeah, i was reading this last night. they say, you should frame it up, we need to know the time. and i started crying in my own room, like reading it to myself. [ laughter ] so it's gonna be -- >> jimmy: that's gonna be a problem, yeah. >> not only that, i can just see
my wife, she's like take a xanax, take a xanax. >> so kleenex and xanax on the podium. >> jimmy: tommy lasorda was your godfather? >> my dad and tommy grew up together in norristown, pennsylvania. >> jimmy: and there was a big reason you why you got drafted by the dodgers, the family connection. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is he upset that you're going in as a met, instead of a dodger? >> no, after i got in, he asked, and they said, it's your choice. if you want to go in a met, it's fine. i said, i think i want to go in as a met. he went, what the! what's wrong with you! i gave you your chance, and you stabbed me in the back! [ laughter ] so he took it very well.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: will he be there? >> yeah, he's been a guardian ang angel. >> jimmy: no, will he be there in cooperstown? >> oh, i don't know yet. >> jimmy: when you left the dodgers, the team refused to pay you anything close to fair market value and made it seem like you were being greedy. and then you wound up going to florida first. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which was crazy and you wound up on the mets. but do you feel any animosity towards the dodgers? if they were to have a ceremony, let's say, retiring your number or a special night for you, would you attend something like that? [ applause ] >> i would. >> jimmy: you would? >> as ricky henderson says, let's let bye-byes, be bye-byes.
>> jimmy: work that into the speech. >> no, at first they're saying bad things about you, and how bad my knees were. and as time goes by, you look back and the memories are great. at spring training, sandy koufax, john roseborough, steve garvey. so the history was amazing, they gave me an opportunity, so i'll always be grateful for that. >> jimmy: all right, well, maybe the right thing will happen. you're now the owner of a soccer team in italy. >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: and you brought a jersey for me. >> i did. >> jimmy: i'm curious about this. >> i bought this team, i'm a huge soccer fan, and the team is called ac regano. >> jimmy: oh, look at that. [ applause ] >> and it's actually the town where kobe bryant's father played basketball. kobe bryant speaks better
italian than me. >> jimmy: yeah, he does. >> he's just rattling it off. ask they're amazing fans, and it's just been a great adventure and i'm probably going to lose a lot of money. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know what the great thing about this jersey, regano, this is where they make the parmesan cheese. >> exactly. >> jimmy: and i am going to look so fat in this. my breasts will be prominent. got the man boob thing. >> every region of italy has their own dialect in regano, they say "let's go team," so when i tweeted one time in italian, i tweeted go condom. my manager said, change it, change it!
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have to say, i've enjoyed watching you over the years. it's going to be this sunday, this weekend. mike piazza takes his rightful place, 1:30 eastern on mlb network. mike piazza, everybody! we'll be right back with last bandoleros! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by samsung. hd 5.
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the all-new e-class. self-braking, self-correcting, self-parking. a mercedes-benz concept car that's already a reality. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: these guys are from san antonio, texas, making their late night television debut with the song "where do you go?" the last bandoleros! ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ take me out and wrap those pretty arms around me carry me to every party going downtown drink 'til i can't see it coming ♪ ♪ oh i can't wait to give you something good but you say bye-bye bye and you leave before the morning light oh my my my where do you go and i try try try ♪ ♪ but you're gone without a warning tell me why why why where do you go where do you go ♪ ♪ ♪ hear me now
oh some would say i have some problems ♪ ♪ but i ignore and dance around them i say aloud ♪ ♪ oh you're the only one that saw me pick me up and please don't let me down ♪ ♪ but you say bye bye-bye and you leave before the morning light oh my my my ♪ ♪ where do you go and i try try try but you're gone without a warning tell me ♪ ♪ why why why where do you go where do you go ♪ where do you go ♪ where do you go ♪ ♪ ♪
people love my portobello mushroom buttery jack, made with portobello mushrooms, grilled onions, and garlic herb butter. ever wonder how i came up with it? well... actually, i came up with it at the water cooler. but i thought you'd like this cowboy story better. the portobello mushroom buttery jack is back. part of the buttery jack family. taste it before it's gone. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'd like to thank christina applegate, mike piazza
a pox on matt damon. he will never do that again. "nightline" is next but first, his new album "57th and 9th" comes out this fall, playing the song "next to you" with the last bandoleros, sting! ♪ ♪ i can't stand it for another day when you live so many miles away ♪ ♪ nothing here is gonna make me stay you took me over let me find a way ♪ ♪ i sold my house i sold my motor too all i want is to be next to you ♪ ♪ i'd rob a bank maybe steal a plane you took me over think i'm goin' insane ♪ ♪ what can i do all i want is to be next to you what can i do ♪ ♪ all i want is to be next to you i've had a thousand girls or maybe more ♪ ♪ but i've never felt like this before but i just don't know what's come over me ♪ ♪ you took me over
take a look at me what can i do all i want is to be next to you ♪ ♪ what can i do all i want is to be next to you all i want is to be next to you yeah yeah all i want is to be next to you all i want is to be next to you ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ saw my doctor he said give it time got this feeling gonna lose my mind ♪ ♪ when all it is is just a love affair
you took me over baby take me there ♪ ♪ what can i do all i want is to be next to you what can i do ♪ ♪ all i want is to be next to you what can i do all i want is to be next to you ♪ ♪ what can i do all i want is to be next to you ♪ ♪ all i want is to be next to you all i want is to be next to you ♪ ♪ all i want is to be next to you next to you next to you ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
this is "nightline." tonight, a dramatic entrance for donald trump. he predicted victory, but it came just hours after this. chaos on the convention floor, the forces of "never trump" attempting to block his nomination. rebel delegates walking out. we're behind the scenes as the insurgents plot their strategy. it's convention confidential. plus, melania trump takes the stage. >> isn't he is the best? >> the former model and potential first lady trying to show a different side of her polarizing husband. from growing up in communist eastern europe, to making her name on the