tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 29, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- steve martin and martin short. plus music from the record company. and now, look over there -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. hola. hi. very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. relax, relax. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. very nice. i'm glad you're here. i have to say, honestly, i'm glad i'm here. this is a big night for me and for all of north america.
the strange and wonderful steve martin and martin short are with us. [ cheers and applause ] we've been doing this show for 15 1/2 -- i think i can retire now. i think this is the peak. it's all just parsley and napkins from here. so that's going to be fun. first i have something that i wanted to share. i ran out of time to get to this last night. on father's day, i received a gift from my children, as many dads do. i have four kids. a daughter katie who's 26, a son kevin who's 24, a 3-year-old named jane, and billy who is 1. so my wife and my brother set up a photo shoot for the four of them to make me a gift for father's day. our friend rodney made them matching outfits. this is the result. [ laughter ] this is the photo that i received. [ cheers and applause ] kevin, katie, billy and jane. in case you're wondering, that's what came out of my loins. four jaunty sailors. it's a good reminder how
fortunate many of us were to be with our kids on father's day. president trump is continuing to blame democrats for his new zero tolerance immigration policy that has taken thousands of children from their parents and forced them into the detention centers you see. even with a hellstorm of criticism coming his way from republicans and democrats alike, the president is digging in, as he does, he keeps saying there's a law requiring him to do this. which, first of all, no, there isn't, that's complete b.s. secondly, since when did donald trump start caring about laws? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there's also a law against start ing a fake university, but that's different. this morning trump said democrats want illegal immigrants to infest our country. he used the word infest. like his german grandfather infested our country. no job, no english, he crawled in on his stomach and infests the country with a bunch of trumps. this is not a popular policy. 67% of americans oppose it. even melania released a statement saying she hates to
see families separated. partly because it makes her jealous. why can't i get separated? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the president is very clearly, no matter what he says, he's using these children to try to get his wall funded. and here's the thing. if trump wants to use kids as negotiating tools, the kids he should use are eric and donald jr. they seem to be enormous tools. [ laughter ] they are tools that wouldn't even fit in the box. and yet with all this controversy raging, with all this anger, this is how our president chose to end a speech this afternoon. ♪ ♪ no you can't always get what you want ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right. he's just so real, you know? [ laughter ] he just loves this country so much. he can't help but hug the flag. you think he picks the song "you can't always get what you want" or is there a wise guy backstage
playing to it make fun of him? [ laughter ] this is incredible. i'm sure you've heard these recordings and seen the photos of these children in these camps sobbing as they're taken away from their parents. it's very upsetting to just about everyone but laura ingram of fox news who i guess thinks these kids don't realize how good they have it. >> consistent with american law, when a party is arrested, your children are either sent to relatives or they become wards of the state. so since more illegal immigrants are rushing the border, more kids are being separated from their parents. and temporarily housed in what are essentially summer camps or as the san diego union tribune described them today as looking like basically boarding schools. >> jimmy: look over your shoulder, is that the kind of summer camp you went to? and if so, your parents should be under arrest for sending you there. meanwhile, the president's relationship with his chief of staff is on the rocks. john kelly is reportedly so frustrated with trump he stopped even trying to rein him in.
kelly reportedly has begun working out in the middle of the day and is said to be mentally checked out of his job. just like trump, except for the working out part. [ laughter ] this is the gym in washington that john kelly goes to every day. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he's working on a six-pack, i guess. john kelly also reportedly said he doesn't care if trump gets impeached. you know, being donald trump's chief of staff, it's kind of like being his wife. you'll never see him, you have no control over what he does, and it's only a matter of time until he trades you in for a new one. [ laughter ] i am personally still recovering both physically and maybe even more emotionally from my loss to the human blobfish, ted cruz, on saturday it was. last night on the show, we shared an edited-down version what was we called the blobfish basketball classic, me versus ted cruz one on one. it wasn't pretty. we added all the statistics up? i missed my first 36 shots. [ laughter ] for real.
i went 9 for 103. i played so poorly the clippers offered me a 10-day contract. [ laughter ] that's right. and it was a very physical game. ted cruz fouled me, by our count, 37 times. the game was to 11. and of course the best part of an event is reading all the nice things people have to say online. i was feeling bad about myself getting old and out of shape but after this i have new appreciation for my physical condition. [ laughter ] glad we could inspire you. you lost to a blob? thank you. i have cancer and could have outplayed these idiots in 52. probably right. and someone whose name is what i was going to say posted, i was worried this would humanize ted cruz, i needn't have worried. [ laughter ] there is nothing i or anyone
else could ever do to humanize ted cruz. we did raise a lot of money for charity, over $80,000 for two great organizations. [ cheers and applause ] generation one and texas children's hospital. and we also, excitingly, made the houston local news. >> how cool is this that it's in houston? >> it's super awesome. >> we're actually from louisiana. >> don't tell me you drove all the way? >> we did, we stayed the night last night just to come see two old men play basketball. >> we're told the game was so exciting, after an hour of play both players had scored five points. yep. five points, guys. can you imagine one hour and they just scored five points? >> actually, the game is still going on. it started about an hour ago. you can see some people are starting to stream out of there. the score right now is 5-5. some of the people that we talked with say this is the worst basketball they have ever seen in their entire life. >> jimmy: i think that's a fair assessment of what happened. [ laughter ] [ applause ] they really rubbed it in in
houston this morning. they had the ted cruz victory parade. you can see tens of thousands of demons lined the streets to support their hometown guy. demons, scorpions, locusts. elephants with snakes for trunks. you name it, if it was unholy, it was there, and a bad time was had by all. this is something i want to make sure to get to. you remember when kim kardashian met the president in the oval office? so while kim sat down for an interview with van jones on cnn the other night, van asked if she thought it was possible that the president was using her to take advantage of her star power. >> trump is using you as a political pawn. now you've endorsed him in a way, you've kind of given him legitimacy. you might be in a campaign video. he used you. >> i think -- i think kanye's already given him legitimacy. so i don't, you know -- in that way. so i was working on this before.
so -- i don't -- like for being -- i don't think i would be used. just -- if he already got that -- >> that box is checked. >> trying to use me? like how? because he already kind of got, you know, a big thing, you know. from kanye, i think. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can somebody reboot kim kardashian please? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] then kim explained why unlike her father she did not opt for a career in law. >> anyone knows me, my whole other team of attorneys, every time i go in there i'm like, if there wasn't the long college process, i would be an attorney. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and if it wasn't for gravity, she'd be an astronaut. [ laughter ] thank goodness for the long college process. think of how much we would have missed. this is interesting. especially for those of us here
in california. the u.s. geological survey is holding a competition. they're looking for an emoji. they're looking for an emoji design people can send when there is an earthquake. currently there is no emoji for an earthquake and they want one. great news, i know exactly what the earthquake emoji should be. here it is. [ laughter ] right? the quaker. [ applause ] it's either an earthquake or a breakfast, we don't know. in case that's a copyright vice, which it probably is, i have another idea. maybe they could use donald trump's signature. [ laughter ] while they're at it, when are they going to design a donald trump emoji? typing out golfer clown french fries pumpkin takes forever. [ laughter ] in mother russia, the world cup tournament is well under way. every world cup, they have an official sponsor. this year the russians chose a product that's very dear to their hearts. not only is this the first world
>> plastic bottle of vodka. official sponsor of 2018 world cup russia. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very sexy, you know? it's like their gatorade. finally, it's time once again to shine a light on the soccer action. this is from today's match between japan and colombia for tonight's "world cup play of the day." ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: excitement is so thick you could almost eat it. tonight on the show we've got a great show, music from the record company. and we'll be back with steve martin and martin short!
hnew litter?lled this the shock absorb technology auto-adjusts to you. no. nobody has! it's unscented! (vo) new tidy cats free & clean unscented. powerful odor control with activated charcoal. free of dyes. free of fragrances. tidy cats free & clean. when no scents makes sense. you need to power your wellness. new emergen-c probiotics plus. purposeful probiotics to help boost your microbiome, plus vitamin c to support your natural immune defenses. new emergen-c probiotics plus. emerge and see.
new emergen-c probiotics plus. overwhelming air fresheners can send you running... so try febreze one. with no aerosols and no heavy perfumes. so you can spray and stay. febreze one. [ drum roll ] ...emily lapier from ames, iowa. this is emily's third nomination and first win. um...so, just...wow! um, first of all, to my fellow nominees, it is an honor sharing the road with you. and of course, to the progressive snapshot app for giving good drivers the discounts -- no, i have to say it -- for giving good drivers the discounts they deserve. safe driving!
>> jimmy: hi, come in, welcome. tonight on the show, this is their album, called "all of this life." the record company from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night the very funny nick kroll will be here. evangeline lilly will join us, and we'll have music from ne-yo. and i have another album i want to mention. this is from our announcer dicky barrett and his mighty mighty -- boss toes or bosstones? >> however you want to pronounce it. >> jimmy: the mighty mighty bosstones, the album is called "while we're at it." available on itunes, amazon. as dicky told me, it's available at good record stores. our guests tonight are two of the eight funniest people in the
world. they have a friendship that spans over 30 years and a new comedy special called "an evening you will forget for the rest of your life." >> let me say what an honor it is to be standing next to a man who as novelist, playwright, musician, composer, and legendary comedian. >> let me say what an honor it is to be standing next to the man who is standing next to that man. [ laughter ] >> steve, of all the people i have a fake show business relationship with, i feel fake closest to you. >> aww, buddy. >> jimmy: "an evening you will forget for the rest of your life" is on netflix. you can see them live june 29th in sacramento, july 1st in las vegas, july 6th in bend, oregon. please welcome the two and only steve martin and martin short!
>> jimmy: it's very, very, very, very exciting and a great honor to have both of you here. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> i really look forward to letting you down. >> jimmy: marty, you've been here -- how many times have you been here? >> i have been here -- i don't know, 15 maybe. >> jimmy: 15 times. steve, this is your first visit. >> my first time. [ cheers and applause ] i'm excited to be on the show because i didn't even know you had a show. i come out and there you are. i'm excited. >> and let me say something. >> jimmy: yes, go ahead, marty. [ laughter ] >> no, really, you look fantastic. >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> you really do. that just for men beard dye. i didn't know it came in that color. [ laughter ] >> since we're talking about manscaping, i have a new technique for trimming my nose hairs. >> jimmy: what is it? >> i just take a deep whiff of marty's cologne. [ laughter ]
>> speaking of, which someone got febreze for father's day. really, you look -- you have the sex appeal of a middle-aged rudy giuliani. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i will take that as a great compliment. >> the last time i was here, you were disheveled. >> jimmy: i was, really. >> you smiled and a hunk of makeup fell off. >> jimmy: that wasn't makeup. that was leprosy. >> two of the queer guys looked like they had just stormed out -- >> jimmy: what queer guys? >> "queer eye." >> jimmy: "queer eye" guys. they're not the queer guys. >> thank you. >> i abbreviate, queer eye guys. >> jimmy: he's from canada, he doesn't know how it works. >> thank you for offending half the nation. i think jimmy is quite a handsome man. i mean that because you have a good look. you also have these wonderful child-bearing hips. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: you know, i've always wanted to meet you. you not as much but i was also excited to meet you. [ light laughter ] steve, we met for the first time in october, i believe. >> yes. >> jimmy was saying that he met you for the first time in october! [ applause ] do you remember meeting him? >> yes, i do have a good time. >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ laughter ] we met in october -- >> i remember. >> jimmy: at the mark twain prize. >> david letterman. >> jimmy: honoring david letterman. >> correct. >> jimmy: a great night. and i was very excited to be there. and i had been there the year before honoring bill murray. >> wow. >> jimmy: thanks. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> what a life you've led. >> jimmy: but i learned that night, i learned that after the show was over, around 9:00, there was nothing to do. it was like sunday night in washington, d.c. and there was nothing to do. so this time i thought --
>> does this go on? >> jimmy: it goes on for a while. [ laughter ] you're in the story. >> i'm in the story? >> jimmy: you're in the story. so i thought, here's what i'll do, i'll rent a room at a bar. there's a bar called madam organtz. i'll rent a private room, then maybe, just maybe martin short and steve martin -- i knew dave wasn't coming. >> i was excited to go to that party. i thought, that's what i'm looking for. nice, quiet little place to hang out after the show. >> jimmy: right. >> bill murray was with us. >> jimmy: we were in the car. >> right. >> jimmy: bill murray, you and your wife ann, my wife molly, and another friend. and we're driving to the event. and the phone rings. do you remember what happened? >> first of all, let me say the phone rang because tom hanks was also in washington. not doing the mark twain, he was in washington. we had spoken. i said, jimmy is having a big party why don't you go to it? >> jimmy: next time you mind running that by me? [ laughter ] >> no, you'd like him. you'd like him. [ laughter ]
tom hank. a lot of people use "the s" but not hip ones. he'd gotten to the party early and he phoned and said, this is the worst, loudest, stupidest place! no, no, not yet -- >> oh, okay. >> he's saying to me, it's stupid, so loud, horrible, i stayed one minute and i ran out. and i said, well, why don't you go back to the four seasons, go to the bar, i'll phone steve. steve will hate that too. so then i phone steve. >> so i'm in the car. i put it on speaker. >> jimmy: yes. >> and i hear marty say, don't go to that party! >> it's the worst, evidently it's the loudest, worst place you could ever be. >> jimmy's two feet from me. [ laughter ] >> i didn't know. >> i say, he knows. he knows, we're in the car. so funny. >> no, he doesn't, he doesn't know! >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. that was -- and then you went
back and you went to marty ruin my party -- >> you ruined your party. >> jimmy: afterwards i was planning to get revenge -- >> you had flo and rob kardashian, we had eddie vedder. >> jimmy: you did have eddie vedder. >> i know what you guys are talking about. go ahead. >> jimmy: i don't know if you're invited but marty has a christmas party each year. so i was planning to hold a special vip party. i was going to set up a tent in marty's backyard and invite everyone to that tent except for marty in his own backyard. >> and me. >> jimmy: no, you would have been invited. you were an innocent victim. >> i turned down the party too. >> jimmy: all right, you're not invited. anyway, marty canceled this christmas party and my plan was for naught. >> are you throwing any other parties we don't want to go to? [ laughter ] by the way, i saw the ted cruz thing. and i thought it was interesting. first you raised so much money for charity, so that makes you two good guys. [ cheers and applause ]
>> yeah, fantastic. >> i think -- i think, actually that ted cruz really likes you. because i noticed that every time he would look at you, he would wag his tail. [ laughter ] >> but i -- yeah, it was quite an outcome, though. you must admit. even trump and stormy daniels said, wow, now that's a spanking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to say, i love the netflix special. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i think it's absolutely fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] you're doing this tour. you're on the road together. >> yeah. i'll tell you one thing that's great about the netflix special. it means that people who used to come to our show to masturbate to it live can now do it at home. >> jimmy: that's better for sure. >> isn't that elegant. >> jimmy: what is it like traveling with steve? is he always creative? always coming up with great stuff? >> um -- no.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: our keyboard player jeff bobko is your musical director. >> yes, we love jeff. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's a very interesting show. because i was born here in america. and marty was born in america's sworn enemy, canada. [ cheers ] >> but we do have the greatest time imaginable. it so is much fun. jeff kills it every night as do the steve canyon rangers. >> jimmy: i love hearing the music and the singing and all of that stuff. you now are spending more time in new york. is that to get away from marty here in l.a.? >> no. i am in new york more. because i have a child who goes to school. and it was an option. >> jimmy: send them to school. >> and i went to the -- i had to get a new doctor. so i went to a new doctor. they had to take out all the -- take down all the new information. so the nurse is there. it was a female nurse in this case. asking me questions.
she says, how old are you? and i thought, first of all, she doesn't have to know how old i am. so i said, i'm 52. and she said, oh, okay, good. she said, so i suppose you're here to see the doctor about the extra 20 years on your face? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's new york for you. >> you know what? >> jimmy: what, marty? >> she's going from, because you are extremely, almost this close to a corpse, as far as being pale. no, the spf on his sunscreen is infinity. i mean, you make mike pence look like a character in "black panther." [ laughter ] >> i got to be honest. i never got marty's humor. because, you know. i'm a reader. but i have to compliment you. because this is interesting.
did you know that marty's movie "santa claus 3" has been streamed, downloaded, over 100 million times? >> jimmy: i did not know that. >> yes. because the cia uses it for torture. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: steve martin and martin short! we'll be right back with more after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> dicky: tomorrow night, go to jimmykimmellivemusic.com to see a streaming performance from imagine dragons in milwaukee presented by american family insurance. i need to tell humans to switch to sprint now! i heard they can get 4 lines of unlimited for $25 per month per line with the 5th line free. we have to hurry because this deal it's going, going, gone, baby! (vo) switch to sprint before july 12th and get 4 lines of unlimited for $25 per month
per line with a 5th line free. and for a limited time, get a galaxy s9 for 50% off for people with hearing loss, with sprint flex lease. visit sprintrelay.com you are many different things, in one amazing package. and t.j.maxx lets you express every one. with our unique mix of must-have brands at must-buy prices, you'll always save on something for every you. maxx you. maxx life. t.j.maxx. whthis little baby can detect trace amounts of cheetos dust. what? when did we get a cat? dangerously cheesy. ♪ protect your pet with the #1 name in flea and tick protection. frontline plus. trusted by vets for nearly 20 years. ♪
>> am i being punk'd? no, i'm fine. don't worry. >> don't lean back. >> you know, marty? the thing that you always try to do -- >> are you going to calm down? >> i am. >> jimmy: that is steve martin and martin short. "an evening you will forget for the rest of your life" is on netflix now. >> we love this show more than anything. we travel around. you know what it is, it's like marital sex. in that we do old material three times a month. [ laughter ] >> that was an honest clip where marty's chair back fell out. >> jimmy: that was not planned? >> no, it was not planned. the reason i was laughing so hard is because i knew that when he was back and the back had fallen off and his legs are sitting up there, that he's holding for the laughs.
>> of course, i'm no fool. >> jimmy: like an olympic diver midair. >> that's right. >> jimmy: i'm going to paraphrase mel books. he said, paraphrasing, tragedy is when you sit on your chair and you lean back and the back breaks and you fall and you hurt yourself. comedy is when it happened to your friend. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's about right. >> jimmy: i want to mention this. because it's something that i feel i would really love to be part of. i don't know if it's possible. i know that you guys and tom hanks and one other friend, you get together every other year for a colonoscopy party. [ laughter ] >> that's true. >> jimmy: is that true? >> yes, there's the christmas party. and the colonoscopy party. that is true. >> and because we thought, you know, everybody at our age -- not your audience, certainly not anyone here in this studio. but a certain age you want to get a colonoscopy. i think it's after 50. >> jimmy: after 50, yes. >> 45, actually, now. >> they changed to it 45. >> i'm so glad you're a scientist.
[ laughter ] >> i am a bit of a scientist. >> it's a public service, it's got to be more than just yourself. >> okay. we thought it would be easier if we -- it was all men, we celebrated. >> that's better if it's all men. if you're going to have a colonoscopy party. rrr! [ laughter ] hey, want to come to my colonoscopy party? >> that's why you don't get dates. anyway. so we all came over. we played poker, watched some funny movie. and you drink all the stuff. you know. >> barium. >> barium? >> sodium -- >> yeah. >> barium is radioactive. >> yeah. that's why it's not a great thing to get every year. [ laughter ] no, you go over -- we're very excited, we go to steve's house around 5:00 p.m. the night before. we call it colonoscopy eve in canada. [ laughter ] and then it's catered, there's jell-o. there's not much -- you have to purge all that.
then we toast. and then -- >> i wanted to make it nice. i got candles. then i realized they were way too wide and they should have been tapered. [ laughter ] >> yeah. next time they're for the table. >> yeah, yeah. >> no, then what's shocking is, steve, you know he's a wealthy man. who would think he would have one bathroom? [ laughter ] by 10:00 p.m., the bathroom looks like day 14 of a carnival cruise. >> i thought the bathroom ended up looking like a jackson pollock. >> jimmy: do you travel together to the colonoscopy? do you go in the same car? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> no, we actually play cards, and whoever loses goes last, of the four. >> jimmy: oh, so it's not all at the same time, you don't have them all set up at once? >> no. >> jimmy: then do you drive home together? do you wait for each other?
>> hey, i got a picture of it. >> jimmy: oh. >> i forgot. >> the answer is, we went to the ivy. >> that's our friend walter parks. and this is obviously before. because we're standing vertical. it was fun. it's a great way to do something that you should do. >> jimmy: it's a great idea. people should do this. anyway what i'm asking is can i come get a colonoscopy with you? >> no, it's kind of like the four. >> yeah, yeah. >> you could do it, though. >> it's kind of like the mark twain party that you were trying to throw. don't go to his party! >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, all right. i won't come to that either. you guys, when you're on the road, do you have the same crew? is it the same crew of people? >> we obviously on our show have a lot of fun. i would say that. we get a lot of people who want to work just backstage. they're so important, the people who work behind the scenes. >> jimmy: for sure. >> as we call them, the
scene-behinders. so we had to actually work out a job application. a questionnaire. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you guys actually do the job interviews yourself? >> we do them together. >> yeah, we do them together. >> jimmy: wow. >> we have the questionnaire right here. >> we traditionally alternate questions. >> jimmy: so these are questions that if the one were to want to work for the two of you on this tour, they would -- it would have to be answered? >> yes. here's an example, first question. are you okay with applying another man's anti-fungal cream? [ laughter ] >> how attached are you to your kidney? [ laughter ] how attached to your kidney are you? >> what do you consider a lot of money in an out-of-court settlement? [ laughter ] >> videos of smoking babies. funny or hilarious? [ laughter ]
>> how quickly can you remove blood from a car trunk? [ laughter ] >> can you keep me from tweeting when i'm on ambien? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's important. >> list my movies in order from favorite to most favorite. [ laughter ] >> were you able to get through the royal wedding without crying? if yes, at what age did you realize that you were a monster? >> jimmy: that was a beautiful wedding. >> wasn't it? oh my god. >> jimmy: oh, meghan looked so beautiful. >> and how handsome was harry? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's great, now people have a head start. >> do you want to save this? >> jimmy: yes. >> for the next comedian? maybe they can make it work better. >> jimmy: for our next comedy duo. i can't thank you guys enough
for being here. >> yes, you can. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. steve martin, martin short. "an evening you won't forget for the rest of your life" is on netflix. see them live june 29th in sacramento, july 1st in vegas, july 6th in bend, oregon. we'll be right back. presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
three are fha, one is va. so what can you do? she's saying a whole lotta people want to buy this house. but you got this! rocket mortgage by quicken loans makes the complex simple. understand the details and get approved in as few as eight minutes. by america's largest mortgage lender. are dig in to summer! the entire store is on sale up to sixty percent off. that's up to sixty percent off the entire store with styles starting at 2, 4, 6, or 8 dollars! huury in to old navy! is this at&t innovations? yeah, wow... this must be for one of our new unlimited wireless plans. it comes with a ton of entertainment options. great, can you sign for this? yeah. hey, uh... what's in that one? that's a shark. new and only with at&t, you can get unlimited data, 30 plus channels of live tv, and your choice of things like hbo or pandora premium.
more for your thing. that's our thing. visit att dot com. we're proud to reveal that jim beam black has been awarded the world's highest rated bourbon. their words, not ours. make history. ( ♪ ) ♪ yeah! yeah! yeah! we hide hotel names, so you can find four star hotels at two star prices. h-o-t-w-i-r-e
at two star prices. happiness is powerful flea and tick protection from nexgard. ♪ nexgard kills both fleas and ticks all month long. and it comes in an easy-to-give tasty chew. so you'll be happy you're keeping your dog protected with nexgard. no wonder it's the number one choice of vets for their dogs and yours. see your veterinarian for more information on flea and tick protection you and your dog will love. nexgard. the vet's #1 choice.
if you're going to be in the l.a. area and want to see the show, call 866-jimmy-tix, or jimmycouple legallive.com. ♪ ♪ if you have recurring constipation and belly pain, talk to your doctor and say yesss! to linzess. yesss! linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation or chronic constipation. linzess can help relieve your belly pain, and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements. see if you're eligible to get 90 days for as little as 30 dollars.
do not give linzess to children less than 6 and it should not be given to children 6 to less than 18, it may harm them. do not take linzess if you have a bowel blockage. get immediate help if you develop unusual or severe stomach pain, especially with bloody or black stools. the most common side effect is diarrhea, sometimes severe. if it's severe, stop taking linzess and call your doctor right away. other side effects include gas, stomach-area pain, and swelling. so say yesss! to help for recurring constipation. yesss! to help for belly pain. talk to your doctor and say yesss! linzess.
♪ protect your pet with the #1 name in flea and tick protection. frontline plus. trusted by vets for nearly 20 years. theseare heading back home.y oil thanks to dawn, rescue workers only trust dawn, because it's tough on grease yet gentle. i am home, i am home, i am home inserting shock absorber... customizing pressure... new schick® hydro sense protects skin from irritation. the shock absorb technology auto-adjusts to you. new schick® hydro sense. the shock absorb technology auto-adjusts to you. whthis little baby can detect trace amounts of cheetos dust.
what? when did we get a cat? dangerously cheesy. hundreds of epic deals sale at kohl's! no coupons needed! kids' tops and bottoms - $7.00! junior's swim separates - $14.99 save on bath towels and pillows! stock up, save big and get kohl's cash! epic deals storewide - kohl's cash for you! kohl's. with tripadvisor, finding your perfect hotel at the lowest price... is as easy as dates, deals, done!
simply enter your destination and dates... and see all the hotels for your stay! tripadvisor searches over 200 booking sites... to show you the lowest prices... so you can get the best deal on the right hotel for you. dates, deals, done! tripadvisor. visit tripadvisor.com starting now, everyone gets the plan they want. mom gets the unlimited she needs, dad gets the unlimited he needs, the kids get the unlimited they need. go mix and match! (scattered applause) wow. (man) yeah. sounds awesome. (vo) one family can now get different unlimited plans, starting at $40 per line on the network you deserve.
♪ ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick gotta build it back up brick by brick ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick gotta build it back up brick by brick ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ i left my home today i didn't have that much to say this time alone is all i got ♪ ♪ singing my song in the parking lot every day i wake this way ♪ ♪ some the days i just can't take get that money get that break ♪ ♪ you ain't gonna win if you ain't gonna play ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh,
oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ i like the way i feel i'm up all night close that deal i'm all alone ♪ ♪ it's all i know singing along with the radio ♪ ♪ dream about you every day i can't go back you've gone away ♪ ♪ knock me down but that's okay ♪ ♪ we all look back on yesterday we all look back on yesterday ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick gotta build it back up brick by brick ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick gotta build it back up brick by brick ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick brick ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick gotta build it back up brick by brick ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick gotta build it back up brick by
brick ♪ ♪ i got this life to fix threw it all out in a ditch ♪ ♪ broke it down when i was sick gotta build it back up brick by brick ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh i'm gonna build it back up build it back up ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh come on baby ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh ahh that's right ♪ ♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh come on girl ♪ ♪ build it back up brick by brick ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
♪ i come to the point in my life where i've been searching ♪ ♪ searching for them old days where i could be myself ♪ ♪ dreams don't die they get old riding with my father down the country roads ♪ ♪ pretending i was driving windows rolled down low and thinking about ♪ ♪ my brothers and the things we used to do ♪ ♪ ♪ i come to the point in my life ♪ ♪ where i'm remembering remembering the old days when things weren't complicated ♪
♪ running down trails calling heads and tails working after school trying to tell the truth ♪ ♪ ran fast ran far ran free so free ♪ ♪ thinking about them summers lives too young to know they'd end ♪ ♪ thinking about my mother so filled with love back then ♪ ♪ everybody wanted to make a movie everybody acted like a star ♪ ♪ every time we all get together ain't nothing changed at all ♪ ♪ everybody wanted to make a movie everybody acted like a star ♪ ♪ every time we all get together ain't nothing changed ♪
this is "nightline." >> tonight -- ♪ how will i know if he really loves me ♪ >> she was america's sweetheart in videos like "how will i know?" now a new documentary revealing a raw side to whitney houston the public never saw. >> [ bleep ] that girl is singing off key on the record. >> shocking allegations the superstar reportedly molested as a child by a family memberfe dr. insiders getting candid about her offstage struggles. >> ultimately it was whitney that needed to decide if she wanted to live or die. plus at this boutique hotel in nairobi, guests are up to their necks in