tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 19, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
thanks for watching, everybody. i'm larry beil in for dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. for all of us, thanks for being >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- emmy winner peter dinklage. from "insecure," issa rae. and music from ann wilson. and now, good news, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. welcome. thanks all around. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. thanks for joining us in hollywood. i hope wherever you're watching it is dry. in many parts of the country it
is not dry. hurricane florence has stopped dumping rain but rivers are rising, power's out in a lot of places, floods are threatening residents in carolina. the president, though, is on top of the situation. fear not, he went to costco, he bought a 24-pack of those big paper towels and he flew straight to the scene. [ laughter ] before he did that he tweeted this message of thanks to all those working to lessen the impact of this monster of a storm. >> i just want to thank all of the incredible men and women who have done such a great job in helping with florence. this is a tough hurricane. one of the wettest we've ever seen from the standpoint of water. >> jimmy: that's right. [ laughter ] even his water is the wettest. it's the wettest. [ laughter ] trump unless the carolinas today to lend a tiny little helping hand in new bern, north carolina. the president surveyed the damage from the storm and even pitched in to serve lunch. >> hi, everybody.
how's your house? got it? how is the house? amazing operation. amazing operation. >> jimmy: like he's working a drive-through at jack in the box. [ laughter ] what do you want to bet his ate all four of those lunches himself? this has not been a good week for the president's son, don jr. djtj was supposed to host a rally at a restaurant in montana to support a republican candidate for senator but the restaurant said no. apparently the manager at the restaurant didn't know what the event was for, when he found out, they canceled it. he said, we don't want to take political sides, we're a restaurant, we're neutral, and donald trump jr. was so upset about it he shot a koala bear just to blow off some steam,
yes. [ rim shot ] that wasn't a joke, you led them to believe it was a joke with the drum. he really did. he went to the zoo and he killed one, it was terrible, yeah. no, that is a joke. [ laughter ] but at what point are we that you believed that? [ laughter ] anyway, this is not the first time a member of team trump has been rejected by a restaurant. you probably remember sarah huckabee sanders was famously refused restaurant service in virginia. homeland security had kirsten nielsen and senior adviser stephen miller were leak ankled at a mexican restaurant. there's a new restaurant that offers a menu specifically catered to diners of the trumpian persuasion. >> looking for a restaurant with great food at great prices that won't refuse to serve you because you work for donald trump? make a run for the border for real to republican's, where the food is fresh and no one will
hold you accountable. dig into one of our signature dishes like tiny orange chicken fingers. poutino. maga-roni and cheese. 96 choices of choice huck-a-beef. republican's. located off interstate 91 next to the abandoned radio shack. open till we lock her up! >> you know i'd love mexican. >> jimmy: wow, that looks delicious, actually. [ applause ] a restaurant owner in maine is testing out what she believes to be a more humane way of killing the lobsters they serve. they get -- what they do is they get the lobsters high on marijuana smoke before they cook them. for real. how the lobsters hold the joint with their claw i don't know. but i would bet $100 she came up with this idea while she was smoking in a jacuzzi.
[ laughter ] guillermo, can you imagine getting a lobster high? >> guillermo: that's crazy, jimmy. >> jimmy: it is. >> guillermo: crazy idea, yeah. >> jimmy: can you imagine getting a chihuahua high? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: no, yeah. there's a weird dispute involving sesame street that concerns the long-rumored sexual orientation of ernie and bert. a former writer for sesame street implied he believes bert and ernie are gay. which i mean -- finding out bert and ernie are gay is finding out cookie monster has diabetes, not exactly a surprise. [ laughter ] in sesame street, they felt compelled to deny the writer's claim, said they're just best friends. they're just best friends who take baths together, like all straight best friends do. i just hope they're using a rubber ducky in the bath, that's all. [ applause ] the story got a lot of traction
and frank oz, who voiced the original bert, weighed in. he tweeted, it seems mr. mark saltzman was asked if bert and ernie are guy. they're not of course, but why that question? why the need to define people as only gay? there's much more to a human being than just straightness or gayness. and that's true. although they are not -- i think we should let him know they're not human beings, they're puppets. [ laughter ] after that first interview, saltzman said his answer was taken out of context. and here's the thing. bert and ernie sleep in separate beds. which means not only are they gay, they're married. they've been married for a really long time. [ laughter ] maybe they're not gay. i feel if they were gay bert would have taken care of the uni brow in the '80s. the official word according to sesame street is bert and ernie are not gay. but you know who is? these guys. >> the thought of sleeping with you makes me want to take a pill. >> viagra?
>> no, sign need. >> jimmy: not with each other i guess is the thing. there are a lot of important things going on in the world right now. this is not one of them. congratulations are in order for kylie jenner, who reached a major life milestone yesterday, which she of course shared with the world. she wrote, last night i had cereal with milk for the first time, life changing. [ laughter ] let me get this straight. you had poison injected into your lips when you were 12, but waited until now to pour milk in your apple jacks? that doesn't -- finally we have proof that kylie jenner is an artificial life force created in a laboratory to sell lip gloss. [ laughter ] we think we have a monopoly on weirdos in our country. in england they're quietly giving also run for our money. this is from a british television show called "this morning" where this morning their guest was a woman with an unusual athletic ability. >> so this you insert -- >> yes. >> into your vagina? >> yeah, string facing down. >> it's going up to way.
the idea is that your vaginal muscles are squeezing to hold this in? >> start off with a small tub of manufacture marmite. here we go, here we go. >> okay, so you've got a hook on the end of the string. >> yes. if you look at the jar of marmite it's going up and then down. >> you're literally squeezing your muscles. >> yeah. >> this is the larger one, okay. this is the 250-gram one. >> you want to imagine you're sipping a cocktail through your back passage. >> jimmy: as far as product placement goes? the people at marmite have to be thrilled with that. [ laughter ] [ applause ] but wait, that's not all. there's more. >> we started off with marmite, small, bigger jar, then progress to big things. >> yes. >> let's see how vanessa -- >> what do you feel when you're doing that, literally squeezing your muscles? >> very pleasurable.
>> does this improve your sex life? >> oh, yes. >> so this weighs -- >> two pounds. >> two pounds and you could lift that? >> yes. >> did we see you lifting that? >> that's in the back, there we go. >> it looks very odd. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i like to go grocery shopping with her. did you need a bag? no, no, we can handle it. [ laughter ] in other athletic pursuits, espn is making history with the new cover of their magazine. "espn" the magazine is graced by tyler ninja blevins, one of the world's greatest "fortnight" players, a video gamer. the first time a video game player has been on the cover of a major sports magazine. some people consider this guy, ninja, to be an athlete because he streams for up to 12 hours a day and i guess has a lot of physical dexterity. if that's true, congratulations, masturbating teens, you're going to the olympics.
[ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know how i feel about this. this fortnight really has taken the world by storm. this is true. some parents are hiring coaches to teach their children to be better at "fortnight." a quick way to know you shouldn't have children is if you think it's a good idea to hire a video game coach to teach them to play it more. you know, when i was growing up, we had no donkey kong coaches, we had to climb up the buildings and throw the barrels at the italian stereotypes ourselves. [ laughter ] and we loved it. here's something else we didn't have when i was a kid. vaping. the fda announced yesterday that they're going to post warnings in high school bathrooms to educate teens about the dangers of e-cigarettes because kids go in them and they smoke these vape pens. that will be good that will work on nobody. [ laughter ] i mean, since when is telling kids not to do something because it's dangerous ever worked?
what you have to do with young people is you have to convince them that vaping isn't cool. and they'll stop doing it. you don't tell them it isn't cool because if you tell them it isn't cool, oh, must be cool. you have to show them it isn't cool and i'll show you how you do that. ladies and gentlemen, i'd like to introduce the new weapon against smoking e-cigarettes, vape dad. vape dad, come on out. ♪ vape dad >> whassup? >> jimmy: hi, vape dad, how are you? how are you doing? >> good, good. you vape? have any favorite e-liquids? >> jimmy: no, no. >> you know what, this is what i've been getting down on lately, papaya sunrise. >> jimmy: okay. ♪ vape dad >> jimmy: wow. no, i don't -- i don't vape. but thank you very much. i appreciate the offer. yeah. >> that's because you're old. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] >> only cool people vape. you know, i vape. that's what i do. and i always tell my kids, you don't have to light up to be lit.
>> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] ♪ vape dad >> jimmy: what kind of vape machine is that device there? >> this little sweetheart right here? this is a z-2 pro line. it takes all kinds of e-liquids and gives a great nicotine hit, it's really cool. >> jimmy: seems really cool, i can see that, so cool. >> you know what else is cool? the stank nasty sex mommy and i have while we smoke this, right, hon hee? >> yeah. ♪ vape mom ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well. wow. i didn't realize vaping was so awesome, you know? if that doesn't stop kids from vaping, i do know what we're going to do. [ laughter ] we have a great show for you tonight. we have music from the great ann wilson is here with us. issa rae is with us. and we'll be right back with peter dinklage.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight, from the hbo show "insecure," issa rae is here. she was nominated for an emmy on monday night. [ cheers and applause ] then, her album is called "immortal," the great ann wilson from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night from the l.a. dodgers matt kemp will join us, and we'll have music from wiz khalifa. and on friday, we have a new show with olivia wilde, noah centineo, and music from jungle. and this is exciting, we are headed to brooklyn, new york for a week of shows at the brooklyn academy of music starting october 15th. that is next month.
if you are in the area or will be in the area -- if you're not in the area you can't come. go to kimmelinbrooklyn.com. tickets are free and we can't wait to go, and i'm hungry already, i'll be honest with you. are you hungry? >> guillermo: always hungry. >> jimmy: it's on his license plate frame," always hungry." people think it's an inspirational message, no, he's always hungry. >> guillermo: all the time. >> jimmy: on monday night our first guest won his third emmy award for playing one of the great characters on one of the great shows ever. the eighth and final season of "game of thrones" returns in the year 2035, but, starting friday, you can see him on the big screen in the new movie, "i think we're alone now." please welcome peter dinklage. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: congratulations, by the way. i got to see you at the emmys. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it was very good to see you. i assume you're aware, maybe you're not, that i love the show. to the point where it may become annoying to you. >> yeah, a lot of people love the show. >> jimmy: yeah. you know, maybe i was overanticipating your speech. >> are you nervous now? >> jimmy: i'm not nervous. >> okay. >> jimmy: because you're one of the good guys. if sersay was here i'd be nervous. on the stage at the emmys you said you can't go anywhere -- >> i have no idea what i said. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll tell you because i was paying attention. you said, i can't walk down the street anymore because of this show. >> that's true. >> jimmy: now were you complaining? or what was going on there? >> oh -- >> jimmy: just stating a fact? >> take what you will from that. as they say, it's a blessing and a curse. >> jimmy: is it, yeah. >> i love the fans.
they are our -- our joy, why we make the show. but sometimes they can follow you for several blocks. [ laughter ] one block is okay. [ laughter ] but once they go around the other block and meet you at the next corner? then the creepy radar goes. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and people get tattoos with your face. >> dude, which is strange. they're getting the tyrian tattoo. you should go online and look at all these tattoos. they're beautiful. but i'm tyrean, so they're real jusng me tattooed all over themselves. so that's a bit -- a bit strange. >> jimmy: this is a prank i'd love to work on with you. maybe we can make this happen. we find one of these people who has tattoos of your face. we concoct a scenario you come to their town or something like that. they come to show you their tattoo. >> like publisher's clearing
house. >> jimmy: a signing or something like that. they show you the tattoo. then you whip off your jacket and show them a tattoo of their face on your arm. [ laughter ] would that not be wonderful? >> that would be great. a real tattoo? >> jimmy: well, depends -- are you method? [ laughter ] >> i go all the way with that one. >> jimmy: they say the third time is the charm. this is your third emmy. let's rank the emmys. >> i got a text from my mother, congrats on your second emmy. >> jimmy: no, really? >> third, mom. she went, what? when did that happen? >> jimmy: is it possible she's just planning to nab one and take it for herself? >> i think so. i promised this one to my daughter. and then i had forgotten how -- it's sort of like a -- it's a weapon, really. >> jimmy: it's pointy. >> it's very sharp. so i have to reconsider that whole gift. >> jimmy: wait till she's of a certain age.
>> she's prepared to accept it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she is. >> i think there's going to be a whole ceremony. >> jimmy: third emmy. is it as exciting the third time? >> it will be -- it will be really exciting the fourth time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] horrible. we do have one season left, though. >> jimmy: you do have one season left. you've shot the season already? >> yes, we finished in july. >> jimmy: finished in july. was emmy night the first time you'd seen like nikolai -- that was another thing. you said he's your brother from another mother. >> oh yeah, isn't that funny? >> jimmy: immediately online people were like, oh my goodness, jamie lannister and tyrean, maybe they have a different mother, and we've learned this. [ laughter ] >> i love that all that -- i love that. >> jimmy: is there anything to that? >> you'd think i'd be smart enough not to just blurt out spoilers. >> jimmy: or maybe -- >> the four viewers of the
emmys. >> jimmy: maybe you are so smart that you blurt it out on stage to have a little fun afterward. like when a killer sends a note to the police. >> yes. >> jimmy: clues. >> yes. and they have me tattooed on their leg. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. wouldn't that be something. >> yes. >> jimmy: when you were a kid did you have a movie or tv show that you loved so much you were obsessively a fan of? >> well, there was about three of them when i was a kid. >> jimmy: what were they? >> i mean, no -- three tv shows on the air. [ laughter ] there wasn't streaming. >> jimmy: there weren't the choices we had. we were forced to watch pbs when we were children. >> yeah. i love the old dave letterman show. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, that's my favorite too. [ applause ] >> yeah. and i know you love that as well. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm not just saying that because this is our first date. [ laughter ] "all in the family."
"taxi." all those great ones. >> all the great ones. i love those shows too. i feel like there are many too many choices now, we're bombarded with everything. >> it's really hard to find an actor out of work right now, it really is. there's so many. >> jimmy: if you're an actor out of work you have to know that you're not good now. [ laughter ] >> you might want to call it. sorry. >> jimmy: we've had a lot of -- >> you'll get one, you'll get one! >> jimmy: your castmates, many of them have been here. the show is obviously usually pretty heavy. you provide some comic relief from time to time. occasionally there's a little bit here or there. it's a pretty serious show with the dragons and whatnot. but it seems like you guys -- obviously people get along -- but are always fooling around. >> yeah. >> jimmy: horsing around, pranking going on, on the set. do you participate in that? >> i try to. yeah. you know. >> jimmy: as a victim? or as a prankster? >> both victim and prankster. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> i like to pretend i'm dead.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> it's always -- it's fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: for whose benefit? >> whoever, the wardrobe person. the producers. just my legs sprawled out in the trailer. you've got to get really smooshed into the floor. very awkward position. >> jimmy: how long do you take it, how far will you go? >> oh, eight hours. [ laughter ] we have a lot of time. >> jimmy: yeah. >> on the set. >> jimmy: my mother used to do that to us, to my sister and i, when we were children. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she would lay on the floor -- >> that's horrible, that's your mother. orphaned. threatening orphans. >> jimmy: we still had my father in a pinch, but he couldn't really cook anything. yeah we'd star. we would eventually be orphaned. it would take four days. she would lay on the ground -- >> ketchup and everything? >> jimmy: no. >> not a murder. >> jimmy: it was a very subtle death that she would have. she'd lay quietly on the floor. she hates when i tell this story and has requested that i stop
telling this story, which is why i like to double up. she'd lay on the ground and she'd pretend, lay vestill, and we'd be like, come on, mom, hitting her on the head and whatever. then she would lay there and eventually we'd start to drive cry and she'd start laughing. [ laughter ] >> as soon as you started crying. wow. >> jimmy: she'd wait for a few tears. but i think she just wanted two things. i think she wanted to know that we loved her. and also -- [ laughter ] she wanted a little rest. a little break. [ laughter ] >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: you'll not do that to your own children, yes? >> maybe. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, yeah, think about it. we're going to take a break. peter dinklage, the great peter dinklage is with us. we'll be right back! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by jimmy john's new 9-grain wheat sub. wheat yeah, freak yeah. , freak yeah.
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pick up, there's one less case for chaos in the universe. >> has anyone ever told you you're kind of a weird guy? >> yeah. but they're all dead now. >> jimmy: that's peter dinklage and elle fanning. "i think we're alone now." it is opening in theaters on friday. i enjoyed this movie. first of all -- >> if you didn't know the movie, it seems like a very strange public access, like cleanup crew with peele! >> jimmy: it seems like you're threatening here saying, they're all dead now. >> right. >> jimmy: you really weren't threatening her. the two of you, i don't want to ruin it, i'm worried i'm going to ruin something, maybe you should explain what goes on in this movie. >> basically the fun of this movie, when i first read the script, it's set in the apocalypse. >> jimmy: that's the fun of the movie. [ laughter ] >> that's so much fun. it's a movie, it's never going to happen. [ laughter ] not in the next few years. until we make some changes in the country.
>> jimmy: i don't know what you're getting at, but yeah. >> i don't know. no, but usually those movies set in the apocalypse, zombies or, you know, the team of scientists trying to explain what happened, or you know, get the president on the phone, all of that. this movie is just me and her, and we don't know what happened. sorry, i'm talking to the audience. i've been doing so many q&as. >> jimmy: no, you should talk to the audience, i saw the movie, i know what happens. >> so we don't know what happens. so the audience doesn't know what happened. >> jimmy: right, but i know what happens and that's most important. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but she's delightful, elle fanning. >> elle fanning, yes. and reid morano, our director, made "the handmaid's tale," the first couple of episodes of that. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> she's extraordinary. >> jimmy: that town you're in, there's nobody in the town, a desolate town. that's an existing town, i assume that wasn't a set or cgi? >> no, we shot in all upstate new york.
because it's the apocalypse, we had to clear the streets. clear the entire town. >> jimmy: how do you clear the whole town? >> kindness. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the kindness of the people? >> just the kindness of everyone. >> jimmy: i see. >> we would buy people lunch, you know. but we often shot late at night or early in the morning before people went to work. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> so we had to sort of stop filming when they went to work. >> jimmy: you told them to stay inside and not come out? >> a few people were late to work so -- ignored us. >> jimmy: you have a movie with hbo about the life of herve villa ges. everybody knows him from "fantasy island." for me one of my all-time favorite movies is "the one and only." he's the costar with henry winkler. >> jimmy: just won his first emmy. >> that was a joy. >> jimmy: i always get excited. >> i was so excited.
>> jimmy: you're wearing fonzie's jacket. >> subconsciously that's why i did it. his is much cooler. >> jimmy: what did you learn about -- because he had such a sad life and an interesting life. what did you learn about him that was most fascinating to you? >> he's an incredible painter. >> jimmy: yes. >> but he just sort of didn't pursue that. he got sort of addicted to the fame part of it all, which a lot of people do. the success of it all. and those bright lights shone really brightly for him. and he had fun. but before he got on "fantasy island," he was really an acclaimed painter. >> jimmy: interesting. i'd seen some of that online. i can't wait to see that. it's going to be great. >> yeah, great. because everybody knows him from "de plane, de plane," "fantasy island." the fun of it is to dig deeper into somebody's life. very complicated lives. >> jimmy: very good to have you here, a real pleasure to have you here.
i love your work on just everything you do. "i think we're alone now" opens in theaters on friday. peter dinklage, everybody! we'll be right back. ♪ when you don't get enough sleep and your body aches, you're not yourself. tylenol® pm works fast to relieve pain and helps you sleep. we give you a better night, you're a better you all day. and for a solid night's sleep, try new liquid tylenol® pm ♪♪
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" home viewer of the night for wednesday, september 19th, is -- peter bond from sacramento, california. peter is a stay-at-home dad who spends his free time making puppets in his garage. he's created dozens of original creatures and one late-night talk show host. >> congrats, peter, you're on my show! thanks, jimmy. >> dicky: you're a little creepy, peter. but you're our home viewer of the night. brought to you by cisco.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. still to come, music from ann wilson. our next guest is writer, producer, co-creator, emmy-nominated actress and back-up boom operator on her critically acclaimed show "insecure," season three airs sunday nights on hbo, please welcome issa rae. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you look great, i love this. what would you call this outfit, jumpsuit? >> jumpsuit, i call it orange blossom. i just named it just now. thank you for giving me boom off rare credit, nobody's ever -- >> jimmy: i am nothing in not thorough, i really scour the your wikipedia page. you do everything on your show, though. >> everything, some thicks. >> jimmy: congratulation on this your emmy nomination.
>> thank you. >> jimmy: your first emmy nomination. >> yes, thank you. >> jimmy: that's a big deal, right? >> it was great. it came as a huge surprise. there's so much good stuff out here. i was honored to be mentioned. >> jimmy: there is a lot of good stuff. it's a lot harder to win an emmy now. >> it's like you've really got to rise to the top. >> jimmy: was your family excited about it? >> my family was excited. it's a lot of pressure. my mom and dad are great. but they don't watch that much tv. like my mom will tune into the middle of the movie and be like, that was a good movie. [ laughter ] but like it's a lot of pressure because i got nominated for two golden globes. and when they -- each year they threw a family party. they had like my face on a cake. they took pictures. and i lost. [ laughter ] after that it's just like, oh, we were here, we were supporting you. i feel bad, y'all threw a party to watch me lose. nobody's going to eat that cake face. [ laughter ] this year they did not throw a
party but they had a family group chat. >> jimmy: did they have a cake? >> no, there was no cake. they were just outraged that i lost. >> jimmy: oh, they were. >> i was like, y'all don't even watch the show that i lost, you don't know that i deserve to win. >> jimmy: which show was it? >> it was "marvelous." rachel brsnahan. >> jimmy: all right. they knew yours was better. >> they knew that i needed to win this. >> jimmy: you didn't bring any of your family with you? >> no you're going to get me in trouble. i brought my costar yvonne orgee who played my best friend on the show. she's a great date. >> jimmy: what makes her a great date? >> she's one of those people that's genuinely like -- she's the life of the party, fun to be around, always dancing, makes you feel welcome. she's just great energy. >> jimmy: this sounds like me, really reminds me of myself. [ laughter ] no wait, i'm sitting in the corner looking at my watch. >> that's usually what i'm doing, she prevents you from doing that.
she's just like -- she makes everyone feel she knows them. she was sitting next to me, oh, yeah, i ran into so-and-so, so-and-so, i ran into amanda wolf. who's that? she was like, you know, girl, she did the white house correspondents' dinner. and i was like, michelle wolf? she's like, oh. but she's great. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did have a little speed bump at the emmys. and i know you're aware of this. but betty white got -- was honored with an emmy and she gave a great speech and she was -- of course people were very respectful. she got a standing ovation. and, well, here's how it went on the broadcast. >> oh, no. >> oh, honey. >> jimmy: yeah, there's you. who was texting you at that moment? what was going on there? >> look, my phone broke, right? it did. i was hanging on to betty white's every word. first of all, i love betty white, i was hanging on to every
word. the camera work was shady. [ laughter ] my phone broke. my family was probably texting me because i had just lost. >> jimmy: uh-huh, i see. >> i was trying to silence it. actually, i don't know what i was doing. [ laughter ] i was paying attention. >> jimmy: yeah. then of course on twitter everybody noticed that immediately. and these are just a few of the million posts. issa, i know you did not look at your phone while betty white was coming out. issa ray googling, who is betty white, as betty white made her way to the mike. checking her phone while the rest of the academy loses their [ bleep ], betty white is a whole ass mood. a whole ass mood? >> i'll take the ass. i love -- whatever. people were tweeting while they were going off on me, so they were tweeting during betty white's speech while getting mad at me for checking my phone. >> jimmy: issa, why do you hate betty white?
[ laughter ] is there an incident? you didn't run into her at a party and have fisticuffs or anything? >> i fought betty white. >> jimmy: did you go to the after parties? >> oh, did i. >> jimmy: how many did you go to? you have to go to the hbo one? >> by interest to two. hbo, my publicist threw one. that was fun. i partied like i won. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did. how late were you out? [ cheers and applause ] >> i guess pretty late. i was out till like -- maybe like 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. i woke up first of all, i'm mad because i had a washer/dryer apoint at 7:00 a.m. and i missed it. they're like, we'll come back in october. had to cancel it. >> jimmy: wait a minute. you schedules a washer/dryer appointment for 7:00 a.m. after the emmys? >> i hadn't washed my clothes for four weeks. they keep on rescheduling me. they came by and i overslept and
i'm very upset. i ordered a new one today. >> jimmy: you did, good. >> i woke up with this throbbing pain. i know i'm not hung over what is it? my makeup artist, she had tweezed my eyebrows, maybe i'm feeling sensitive? then in the middle day i was watching bojack courseman and it came to me. i know what happened. i know why i'm in pain. and i remembered that like at the party the night before i was like going around. there's this very attractive actor who's on our show, "dear white people," brandon bell. i walked by him. you know, i was smooth. when you're drunk you're really smooth. hey, so good to see you, blah, blah. then doop! just ran into a door. [ laughter ] and i didn't know it happened. my friend was with me. you know how like when toddlers fall? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and hurt themselves? if you gasp, they'll cry. she's like, oh, you're good, you're good, you're good. and led me away to the point
where i forgot that i had even injured myself. so it really worked. >> jimmy: that's when you know you had good time, when you make up with a mystery injury. >> so many of those. >> jimmy: your characters on your show, issa, and that's your real name but you're not playing yourself on the show. do people get confused? >> people get confused all the time. even if my name were alice they'd get confused but i made it worse by naming the character after myself. the decisions she makes, you know, aren't my decisions. >> jimmy: are they ever your decisions? do you mirror your own decisions for the show? >> it's funny, since the show has aired i have found myself making those decisions. i don't know. >> jimmy: you're turning into your character? >> whoa. yeah. i guess so. [ laughter ] i just realized that. like my character was moving, and i just moved. i shouldn't get too deep. there's too many similarities. i'm like, okay, i made a lot of mistakes. >> jimmy: yeah, that 7:00 a.m.
washer/dryer appointment being right there at the top of the list, what's going on? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: it's great to have you here. congratulations on all your success. third season of "insecure" airs sunday nights, 10:30 on hbo. issa rae, everybody! be right back with music from ann wilson. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank peter dinklage, issa rae and apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him tonight, he will be rescheduled. her album is called "immortal" here with the song "you don't own me," ann wilson! ♪ ♪
this is "nightline." >> tonight, rush to judgment? the supreme court nominee and the woman accusing him of sexual assault now facing mounting pressure to testify publicly. a deadline on her decision set for friday. >> if she doesn't show up, that would be unfortunate. >> republicans saying they've done everything to accommodate dr. blasey ford, and democrats not buying it. >> that is such [ bleep ] i can hardly stand it. >> the demands, the death threats, the all too familiar echos on capitol hill. plus holy smoke. self-ordained weednuns. >> how much today? >> feminist farmers running a million-dollar cannabis operation, vowing to heal with their habit-forming mission.