tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 3, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
appreciate your time. i'm dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. thanks for being here to >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ryan gosling. ufc president dana white. and comedian devin field. and now, prepare yourself, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you, very nice. thank you. thank you, thank you. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. welcome, welcome. relax, relax. oh, hey, i know. i have a question for you guys.
did anyone else get a text from the president today? [ cheers and applause ] we know we had test on the show last night, i was worried that he was contacting me directly. [ laughter ] guillermo, did you get the text? >> guillermo: yeah, i did, yes. >> fema today tested out what they're calling the presidential alert system. i guess it worked because today the president was in everyone's pants. [ laughter ] about 225 million americans got this text today. it's kind of funny. here in the office almost everybody got the text. they're like, why am i getting texts from the president? the few people who didn't get the text were like, why didn't i get a text from the president? [ emergency buzzer ] >> jimmy: what is that? another presidential alert? oh, all right. wait a minute. maybe he thinks he's texting? i don't know. i get this might be useful during an emergency but do we really need this? i already get terrifying presidential alerts on my phone. they're called the news.
what neighborhood was it in? i don't know. where's the house? i don't know. upstairs, downstairs, where was it? i don't know. but i had one beer, that's the only thing i remember. >> jimmy: he couldn't resist. i'm starting to think a bipolar sociopath with no moral compass might not have been our best choice for president of the united states. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the people in the crowd when he did this, they loved it. they mocked this woman's story about sexual assault, they ate it up, they laughed, they cheered. i really don't understand it. this event this rally, was a rally to support mississippi's first-ever senator. melania trump is in africa, otherwise i'd ask her how that anti-bullying campaign is going so far, it seems to be taking off in the trump house. trump insinuated anyone's child could be falsely accused of assault. he said, think of your sons. which is something both eric and
don jr. can confirm he has never done before, think of his sons. [ laughter ] team trump went all-out to defend the president. they said he was not mocking dr. ford. kellyanne conway said dr. ford has been treated quote like a faberge egg by all of us, beginning with me and the president. and white house press secretary sarah sanders says he was just stating facts and she blames this mess on the democrats. >> this entire process has been a disgrace and the only reason that it's been that way is because senate democrats didn't do this the way that it should have been done and they circumvented the entire system. frankly they've undermined our entire judicial branch by the way in which they've acted and the inappropriateness with which they've conducted themselves. >> jimmy: underminded? as in no whole administration is woefully under minded. senators distanced themselves from the president's comments
today. he even got a bad review from his closest friends. "fox & friends." they say trump blew it by mocking christine blasey ford. when "fox & friends" think trump blew it, it got blown, very loudly. the president is digging in, somehow figured out a way to make money off of this. >> our greatest president is also our greatest celebrity impersonator. you can enjoy all his bigliest and best on one hilarious dvd. "trump-pressions." dozens of donald trump's funniest and spot-on impressions. sexual assault victims. >> how did you get home? i don't remember. how did you get there? i don't remember. where is the place? i don't remember. >> the developmentally disabled. >> i don't know what i said, i don't remember! >> asians. >> they say, we want deal! >> indians. >> where are you from? we are from india. great, that's wonderful, thank
you very much, goes all i need. >> hillary clinton. >> she can't make it 15 feet to her car, give me a break. >> yes, they're all here. act now and you'll receive at no extra charge robot trump. >> bing, bing, bong, bong, bing, bing -- >> trump-pressinos, accept no imitations. >> available at walgreens. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] this is another thing that i found interesting. throughout this process the president has been effusive when he talks about judge kavanaugh. almost to a ridiculous extent. >> brett kavanaugh is one of the finest human beings you will ever have the privilege of knowing or meeting. i know this particular man. judge kavanaugh. he's outstanding. i think he's just a wonderful human being. judge kavanaugh is one of the finest people that i've ever known. >> jimmy: so that was then. this is what trump said about
kavanaugh last night. >> i don't even know him, folks. i met him for the first time a few weeks ago. i don't even know him. >> jimmy: hey, words come out of my mouth, do they have meaning, i don't know. do i care, not really. i just say them and they come out of my mouth and they're fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] [ emergency broadcast beep ] >> jimmy: another presidential alert. >> jimmy: all right, that's controversial. cut that off. if you happen to have your taxes in what will finally bring down trump's presidency office pool, today was a very good day. the president is getting heat for extensive allegations of fraud and tax evasion in a monster story by the failing new york types that reveals many potentially damaging trump family secrets. the article alleges among other things that trump and his siblings hid millions of dollars in a sham corporation, also known as the trump corporation.
[ laughter ] and that the president is by no means a self-made man as he claims. trump has famously said his dad loaned him $1 million to kick start his career. his father gave him, didn't loan him, $413 million. but not a single hug is the sad thing. [ laughter ] trump had multiple trust funds. he was quitting the equivalent of a $200,000 salary from his father at age 3. and he was a millionaire on his own by age 8. donald trump was basically his father's own biological cayman island. [ laughter ] where he stashed money. trump's lawyer released a statement immediately saying there was no tax fraud and that trump had virtually no involvement with these matters. basically what he said is, everything the president did was completely legal, but also, he didn't do it. [ laughter ] then they sent out the official white house attack animal. >> totally false attack based on an old recycled news story. i'm not going to go through every single line of a very boring 14,000-word story.
i will say one thing the article did get right was it it showed the president's father had a great deal of confidence in him, in fact, the president brought his father into a lot of deals, they made lot of money together. his father went on to say, everything he touched turned to gold. >> jimmy: we remember how well things turned out for king midas. [ laughter ] i think he ended up opening muffler stores. trump called the "times" story old, boring, bad. which is how stormy daniels described the sex they had. [ laughter ] seems clear trump's not the successful businessman he claims to be. his parents gave him all the money. this is his father, fred trump. who passed away in 1999. and donald also got quite an inher tabs from his mother, mary trump. that's his mother. [ laughter ] i'm not sure donald trump and his mother are different people. [ laughter ] maybe we put a pair of big gold earrings on him, we could find out the truth as to who's who. whoa!
who are you? >> it is i, frederick c. trump. did i hear you mention my name? >> jimmy: yeah. >> my ears were burning like a fat president in a tanning bed. >> jimmy: oh my goodness, mr. trump, this is a surprise obviously. >> oh my goodness, look at all these poors in this room. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you say poors? >> it's revolting, revolting. >> jimmy: poors? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's our audience. that's not nice of you to say. >> well, i guess that's why i'm in hell. [ laughter ] go figure. >> jimmy: oh, okay. how can i help you, mr. trump? >> jimmy, i'd just like to clarify a few things that have recently come to light about my totally above-board, completely legitimate, very legal fraudulent tax scheme. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] go ahead, go ahead, do that, please. >> first of all, i got away with it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: huh? >> and died. >> jimmy: okay.
>> that's very important to keep in mind, i'm dead. >> jimmy: yes, okay. >> and second of all, what my idiot kids got isn't even close to my entire fortune. >> jimmy: really? >> i buried four metric tons of gold bullion right underneath my son's casino in atlantic city. >> jimmy: wow. oh, you know, i -- i don't want to be the bearer of bad news but all his casinos went bankrupt and those buildings have been knocked down, condemned. >> all three of them? >> jimmy: yeah. all three of them. >> ooohhh! [ bleep ]. what a moron. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> well, i still have a vast sum of jewels buried on a ranch where the cows that make meaty and delicious trump streaks are raised. >> jimmy: oh, wow, no unfortunately that company, trump steaks, went out of business too, i don't think they have that ranch. >> mother [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mr. trump.
i'm so sorry. >> i meant to say, heartfeathers. i guess there's always the savings bonds i hit in the hull of his yacht. >> jimmy: he had to sell the yacht, there's no hull. >> oh. what about the baggage claim at trump airlines? >> jimmy: trump airlines, also gone. >> oh my god, that little jack-o-lantern came out screwy and it's been a total [ bleep ] show ever since. >> jimmy: yeah, tell us about it. since you're here, anything you'd like to say to donald directly? >> oohhh, yes. listen, you little [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] when you get down here i'm going to personally ask my friend, sat satan, who's a great guy, incidentally -- >> jimmy: really? [ laughter ] >> fantastic guy. one of the finest devils you'll ever meet. [ laughter ] i'm going to ask him to hold your feet so close to the lake of fire you'll be begging for those bone spurs. you'll be as extra crispy as one of your kentucky fried chicken thighs. >> jimmy: oh, no.
>> in hell, your mother and i live in hell! >> jimmy: yes, we got that. thank you so much for stopping by, mr. trump. >> okay, i'm off. fred is dead! >> jimmy: okay, thank you. fred trump. [ cheers and applause ] all right. fred trump. by the way. old fred trump probably isn't happy about this. his son is not as rich as he was. trump took a tumble on the annual "forbes 400" list. donald trump is now the 259th richest american, down 11 spots from last year. the richest person in america is amazon ceo jeff bezos, who topped the list for the first time ever. he topped the "forbes" list and for the 15th straight year finished number one on the list of people who go out of their way to look like james bond villains. [ laughter ] double congratulations to him. [ emergency alert tone ]
>> jimmy: oh my goodness, another presidential alert. jeff bezos has apparently been deported. i pet it has something to do with him being on top of that list. the idea of letting president trump send a text message to every american whenever he wants to may sound like a bad why. and it is a bad idea. but what do we do here in hollywood when we have a bad idea? we make a major motion picture out of it. ♪ >> i thought it was supposed to be sunny today. >> i don't know, doesn't look like it. >> well, that's odd. seems like it's going to rain. >> yeah, like there's a storm coming. [ emergency tone ] >> you're never going to believe what trump just tweeted. >> tweeted? i thought we blocked him on twitter. >> you're right. i thought we did block him.
this isn't a tweet. this is -- a text message. >> that's impossible. he can't text us. can he? >> now he's texting fakes in stormy daniels. >> don't look at it! >> mommy? what's a witch hunt? >> what? >> he can't! now he's texting the kids' ipad. >> fake news, fake news! >> look at them! >> no, no, no, get rid of it! >> fake news! >> you have 21 e-messages from donald trump. >> no! >> get out of here! get out! >> get out! >> save yourselves! >> get out! [ emergency tone ] >> what? what?
[ screaming ] >> get it off of me! >> i'm free, i'm free, ha ha ha! ha ha ha! i'm free! i'm free! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: $40 million. we have a great show. from the ufc, dana white is here. comedian devin field is with us. and we'll be right back with ryan gosling. hey! it's iphone season at sprint and that means you can get the amazing new iphone 10s. and it has a 5.8 inch super retina oled display. now that's a reason to party!
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>> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, the undisputed head of the ufc, dana white is with us. they have a big fight coming up on pay per view saturday night. from las vegas. then, a very funny gentleman who has his own special on comedy central this friday night at 11:00 p.m., comedian devin field is with us. lap [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show, lena dunham will join us, frank grillo will join us, and we'll have music from young the giant. last time our first guest was here he showed the trailer for his movie, and that went well, so now we get to see the whole thing. he plays legendary moonwalker neil armstrong in "first man," opening in theaters a week from friday, please welcome ryan gosling. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: you look nice. how's it going? i like your suit. [ cheers and applause ] all right! yeah. all right! [ cheers and applause ] >> i think there's a broken "applause" sign. [ laughter ] shut it off, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: either that or your glow is somehow setting it off on its own. it's really remarkable. people are excited to have you here. >> thank you for mentioning my glow. >> jimmy: it's wonderful to have you here glowing amongst us and being with us. how have you been? how was your summer? >> i never know how to sit.
should i sit like this? >> jimmy: let me see how it looks on camera. try out a few sits and we'll see. [ laughter ] >> try this. >> jimmy: that's good. that's a polite way to sit. the wor is -- i've had this happen before. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's better. >> jimmy: if you want to do -- sometimes people will cross their legs which i will admit makes me very uncomfortable. >> too much calf. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> nobody wants that much calf. >> jimmy: you know what i was just talking to a couple in the front row of thethey're here inr a destination wedding. and they live in boston. they're going down to san diego. you were at a destination wedding. when was this destination wedding? like a month ago? >> yeah, yeah. my mom got married. >> jimmy: in italy? >> yes. >> jimmy: and you were the ring bearer? did you get a job in the wedding? you did not have a job? [ laughter ] did you want a job in the wedding? i was just trying to deal
with -- so he's roman. >> oh, oh, really. >> so all of his roman family. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> amazing. >> jimmy: wow. >> there was a lot of -- during the service, like these wonderful older italian women just whispering to me about food. >> jimmy: in what way? >> so at one point this one woman said, there's a tortellini in the freezer! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's like a spy -- >> food spies. >> jimmy: yeah really. >> and then later on, almost towards the vows, another woman said, there's a smoked mozzarella in the fridge! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really. >> then another woman went, it's from naples! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you ever get any smoked mozzarella or not? >> yeah, it was like an angel crying on your tongue. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my grandmother was italian. she always had food on her person. we grew up in las vegas. we'd go to the buffet. she would load -- she'd get
rolls and sit at the table and make sandwiches for the rest of the week. [ laughter ] and then stick them all in her purse and smuggle this giant -- meanwhile she'd pay $1.99 for this buffet and we'd have groceries for the month. it's a common thing. but you weren't -- do they know you in italy? were you swarmed for photographs and that sort of thing? >> no. >> jimmy: you were not, interesting. >> one lady said she'd seen me in a film, then she said, why you no say nothing? [ laughter ] why you no say nothing? >> jimmy: did you have an answer for that? >> i just said nothing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're going to talk about the movie specifically in a minute. but you were at the kennedy space center last week. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do you do when you're there? are you doing press? talking to people? looking at stuff? >> just looking at stuff, just talking to people. [ laughter ] yeah.
an amazing opportunity to talk to an astronaut on the space station. >> jimmy: that's cool. >> yes. >> jimmy: video chat? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah, how did that go? >> drew fewstill. >> jimmy: you had his name tattooed on your body? >> i wrote it. i didn't want to get it done. [ laughter ] anyway. [ applause ] >> jimmy: is drew one of the ones that's coming back? >> he's coming back in a few days. >> jimmy: right, a couple of them are coming back. >> after six months. >> jimmy: six months. what did he have to say? was he excited to see you? >> i think we were more excited to see him. but he was, you know -- it was incredible. he was telling us about, you know -- he's taken like nine space walks. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i was asking what those are like. >> jimmy: wow. >> he said it's just incredible when you're out there, you see the earth just floating, the vastness of space, you realize that it just feels so alone in
the universe. we're just so lucky to have each other. then he stopped himself. he was like, anyway, enough about that, here's the bathroom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why did he show you the bathroom? >> i don't know. it's like if you go online and you look up space station stuff, it's just -- they're always showing you the bathroom. they think that's all you want to know about. >> no. >> jimmy: was it notable in any way, the bathroom? >> i tuned that part out. i heard something about a number two. i was like, no, no. >> jimmy: did you only talk to the americans? >> he sort of floated down the hall to his cosmonaut friends and this bar tearing system started happening.
the russians wanted -- from what i could tell the russians have russian cream cheese they wanted to trade for american space shrimp. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? american space shrimp? >> i got the sense that the american space shrimp, it's from naples. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's the next movie "american space shrimp." ryan gosling, the movie is "first man." it opens a week from friday. we'll be right back, more with ryan after this. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by hilton hotels and resorts. book now at hilton.com. with artificial intelligence, we are not crawling or walking. we are flying. microsoft ai helps an architect bring history back to life. this is now. ai helps farmers grow more food with less resources. an engineer explores how ai can help the deaf see sound. innovation creates tomorrow,
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jimmy asked what you're going to say when you get onto the moon. >> well, we're not sure we're going to get onto the moon. a lot of things have to go right before that happens. >> do you think you're coming back? >> we have a real confidence in the mission. some risks, but we have every intention of coming back. >> but you might not? >> jimmy: that is ryan gosling. "first man." i really loved that movie, that's a great movie.
i just felt -- you know, i really felt like we don't appreciate what these guys did enough. because the equipment that they were using, the risks that they took, the risks now are so great. so much greater then. yet these guys, they did it. neil armstrong in particular with a lot of terrible things going on in his life. >> yeah, that's what i loved about the director, damian shizel, sort of -- you know, part of his reasons to make this film were that we have this gilded image of the accomplishment as though it was going to be a predestined success. they almost made it look easy, you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but when you really learn about -- it's such an extraordinary story of sacrifice, personal sacrifice, the sacrifice of human life, resources, they had hundreds of thousands of people -- it was so dangerous, it was so -- it was so impossible. and, you know -- you know, just
the more you realize that, you know, the more incredible the achievement becomes. >> jimmy: does it make you think of going through -- going through this story make you want to renounce your canadian citizenship and become an american? [ laughter ] >> it's hard not to feel patriot whick you see this film, i think it's true. >> jimmy: i think it is true, absolutely, i agree with you. did your daughters get to see you in the astronaut -- do you call it an outfit? >> you don't call it an outfit. >> jimmy: you don't, no. [ laughter ] what do you call it? a uniform? >> space suit. >> jimmy: space suit, oh, yeah, that makes sense, yeah. [ laughter ] did they get to see you in a space suit? >> they did. they came to set. they came on this day where i was shooting a launch scene. so i was in the space suit. and pretending to launch. i think they think i'm an astronaut. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you do anything to dissuade them from thinking you're an astronaut? >> my oldest said the other day,
she pointed to the moon, "that's where you work, right?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the answer is, absolutely, yes, of course. right? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: to me it's yes. yes. always lie to your children. [ laughter ] that's always the way to go. it's great to see you. the movie's great. "first man" openers theaters and imax a week from friday. ryan gosling, everybody! we'll be right back. ♪ ♪please, let me catch my breath,♪ ♪let me catch my [breathing sound] ♪ok ♪please let me catch my [breathing sound] ♪let me catch my ♪ ♪catch, come on ♪catch come on ♪catch come on ♪let me catch my [breathing sound]
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show, still to come, devin field. it's been said that violence is not the answer, but for our next guest, it is. he presides over the empire of pain and glory known as the ultimate fighting championship. watch "ufc 229, khabib vs. mcgregor" saturday night, live from las vegas, on pay-per-view. please welcome dana white. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: how's everything? everything all right? >> awesome, everything's great. >> jimmy: you're a very wealthy man, would you ever go into space? would you go to the moon? if given the chance. >> i'm tired of traveling. i don't want to go to new york. >> jimmy: you will not be part of the president's space force? >> no, i will not. >> jimmy: you're a few days away from this big fight. there have been a lot of them. this one has a little twist. because these guys -- i don't know, maybe it's a publicity thing. even if it isn't, it's crazy. >> it's not publicity. >> jimmy: seem to have a personal, a real personal -- >> when the law gets involved, it gets legal, it's definitely not -- >> jimmy: yeah, conor mcgregor got arrested. >> we're not hyping a fight. >> jimmy: is that how we know? >> it's exactly how we know. what's crazy is people are doubting whether we had something to do with this whole thing. we're going to get our biggest star arrested and possibly go to jail to hype a fight. >> jimmy: yeah. >> no. >> jimmy: if anybody could pull that off, it would be you. >> thank you. [ laughter ] it just worked out that way, we didn't plan it. >> jimmy: what's the back story
behind? i'm going to show the video. what is the back story behind the dispute between these guys? >> so there's a guy named artem who is conor's best friend, from russia, khabib is russian too. there was russian stuff going on between those two in new york, and khabib surrounded him with his friends and slapped him. he picked up the phone and called conor. >> jimmy: that's embarrassing. >> conor fueled up the t-650 and loaded it up with irish guys. they flew to new york and attacked the bus that he was on. >> jimmy: attacked the bus. take a look at the video here. there's conor fresh off his flight. he sees the bus. is it pulling in or pulling away? it's pulling away. he really smashes the window in. and hurts somebody. >> people were hurt. people were shaken up. my staff was on board and they thought they were being attacked by other people and then they realized it was conor.
[ laughter ] they literally called me and said, we're being attacked by conor mcgregor. what? turned around, drove back to the arena, he was already gone. and the police came and the police were looking for him. he was arrested. >> jimmy: yeah. charged? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and all that stuff. >> yeah. he's being sued by everybody. >> jimmy: now khabib, now this is another video, i don't know. this video, can this possibly be him? roll this tape. supposedly this is khabib when he was a kid wrestling a bear. >> that's real. >> jimmy: that's really him? that's how he trained for this? >> that's how tough it is growing up in russia. [ laughter ] if you can beat a bear, you can beat anybody, i guess. >> jimmy: would you consider putting a live bear in the ring? >> i never thought of this. >> jimmy: i think people would be interested in that. >> if it sells pay-per-views, i'll try it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: august 1st you were invited to the white house. president trump is somebody you worked with from quite a long
time ago. >> right. >> jimmy: you would have the fights at his venue in atlantic city. >> right. >> jimmy: and he invited you to what, come just hang around or what? >> no -- yeah, my wife and i -- ever since he's been elected, he invited me to come and go to dinner at the white house. >> jimmy: i see. >> so we finally scheduled, lined up, we went out there, had dinner in the residence. i was in the oval office. >> jimmy: you brought him a belt? >> one of my fighters did. >> jimmy: i see. >> one of my fighters brought him a belt, gave him the championship belt. >> jimmy: do you think he's wearing that belt around? >> definitely. [ laughter ] wouldn't you? >> jimmy: yeah, of course i would. yeah. but this is a different story, he's the president of the united states. so what goes on when you have dinner with the president? how many people are there? >> just us. the three of us. >> jimmy: just you, your wife, and him? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, wow. and how long did the dinner last? >> three hours. >> jimmy: and does -- is there any like official business that goes on, like you witness him
like ordering a missile strike or anything like that? >> no, nothing like that. >> jimmy: nothing at all? >> first of all, the food was the best food i've ever had in my life. >> jimmy: you have to say that. >> i don't have to say it, it was the best food i've ever had in my life, incredible. >> jimmy: what did you have? >> first they brought out ravioli, three of the best ravioli i've ever had in my life. then there was some kind of meat. i don't know what it was. but i want to find out what it was because it was the best piece of meat i've ever had in my life. >> jimmy: probably endangered hippopotamus or something. the boys brought it home from africa. >> then dessert came. and that was off the charts. it was unbelievable. >> jimmy: what was for dessert? he likes dessert. >> i don't know exactly what everything was except for the ravioli. i can tell you it had a flaky crust. whatever it was was unbelievable. i didn't ask questions, i just ate, you know what i mean? >> jimmy: at any point during this dinner did the president try to spank you with a copy of
"forbes" magazine? [ laughter ] >> he did not, did not. >> jimmy: he's really maturing. and did you talk about the country and did you talk about what's going on? >> we talked about a lot of things. we talked three hours. we talked about, you know, anything from our favorite "rocky" movie to politics. >> jimmy: oh, what is your favorite? >> my favorite was "rocky iii." >> jimmy: what is his favorite? >> i know you're going to have jokes all day. his was "rocky iv." >> that's the worst one. the russian one. >> that's what i new you were going to say. "rocky iv." is good. not as good as "iii." >> jimmy: the original is the best one. >> most people say that. >> jimmy: because it's right. >> most people say that. >> jimmy: yeah. so now you got the fight coming up. do you have a ritual you go through? the day of the fight, how do you proceed, what do you do? what time do you get up? >> i get up later that day, i head into the arena. by the time the fight starts that day, everything is ready.
everything dialed in, ready to roll. the fighters come in, they start preparing, warming up, getting ready. it's actually the least crazy day. >> jimmy: i know conor likes to talk a lot. khabib, is he a talker? >> no he's not a big talker, no. you know, he gets in there. this guy, khabib has never lost a fight, 26-0, which is incredible in this sport to go undefeated 26-0. he's never lost a round. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> never lost a round. >> jimmy: maybe conor slapped the wrong guy's friend. [ laughter ] >> the reason this fight is so big is because it's two of the absolute best fighters in the world fighting in their prime when they should be fighting. >> jimmy: a man who conquered a bear in childhood will be wrestling conner mcgregor on saturday night, ufc 229. it's saturday night, live from las vegas, on pay-per-view. thank you very much, dana white. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with devin field!
please welcome devin field! >> hi, hello. hi everyone, i'm devin field. i'm excited to be here. i'm in a period of self-discovery. i'm learning new things about myself every day. just recently i learned what kind of a drunk i am. i don't drink a lot but that's an important thing to know about yourself, how you behave when you're exceptionally drunk. i'm not an angry drunk or a sad drunk. i'm more of a show everyone youtube videos of my dad's band drunk. that's my flavor. i have five or six tequilas and suddenly i'm shouting, he's doing an r&b update of a sinatra classic! how brave is my dad! my friends are like, how many times have you watched this? how many views does it have? i'm the only one clicking. give limb a google. kim field and the mighty titans of tone. and that's just real.
it's just true. i'm learning about my emotions, learning what makes me emotional. like pixar movies. come on, i can't be the only one in this room who sobbed through "coco," come on. thank you, thank you. i like pixar movies a lot. i feel like pixar started out making very normal children's movies for children, then they got that critical cachet and they got weirder and weirder with it. at first it made sense. like what do all kids love? toys. "toy story." sure. what do all kids love? superheroes. "the incredibles." got it. suddenly it was like what do all kids love? rats? and fine dining? yeah, man. that's kids, i don't know, man. they love the drama of a health code violation. if it can center on a favorite stewed zucchini dish, kids would be into that. what do all kids love? elderly widowers dying alone.
we'll hook them at the beginning with a great miscarriage sequence, that's how you get kids in seats. i didn't write it, don't blame me. a little about me, i am a street white male. hold for applause. none is coming. no, no, don't. don't, aisles not the right answer anymore. if you're not familiar with straight white men, we are currently in charge. have been for what feels like too long at this point. but i know it doesn't seem like it, but we are on our way out. statistically, demographics are shifting in this country in a way we're not going to be on top for too much longer. but we are not going quietly, ha ha ha! have you met us? we're pests. i feel like we're being pushed off of our little ledge of power and even as we fall we're still being [ bleep ]ed. you could lose a few pounds!
just committing to the brand. i am straight. but i feel very limited by my straightness. because being straight is boring. right? i tell you, when i realized that being straight was boring was when i started listening to dan savage's podcast. he's a sex advice writer, got a podcast for people calling with sex questions. i started listening to make sense of my own topsy-turvy sex life. things were getting pretty normal. quickly realized that compared to the average caller, i am barely having sex. there are people out there fornicating at an olympic level that i'm just never going to achieve, you know. it just all sounds very complicated in a way that's exciting to me. like a typical call will be like, hi, dan, i am a 24-year-old queer identified male in a polyamorous triad with a bisexual smisive and a nonbinary dominatrix.
and i've got a bit of an etiquette question for you. is it okay for me to invite them both to my stepfather's wake? i don't even know how to put all those people in my phone let alone have good sex with them. i'm what dan refers to as vanilla, which is a label i wear with pride. means i like three things. monogamy, sure. missionary, classic. and the films of diane keaton. those are my three. all right, you guys. i'm devin field. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very well done. devin field. his comedy central special is friday night at 11:00. thank you very much, devin. you look very handsome tonight. i want to thank my guests. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. thanks for watching, good night! [ cheers and applause ]
this is "nightline." >> tonight, having the talk with teenagers. getting real about kavanaugh and ford. >> she was in a situation which was already horrific. and then something like these boys laughing at her? i understand that's -- how terrible that was for that girl. >> today's high schoolers judging the supreme court nominee's teenage behavior. >> saying, oh, it's about the boys. it's just a way to distract people. >> and their reaction to the president's recent rally cry. >> how did you get home? i don't remember. how'd you get there? i don't remember. where is the place? i don't remember. how many years ago was it? i don't know. i don't know. plus alicia's keys to coparenting. the singer/songwriter knows that no one has