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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 28, 2019 11:35pm-12:38am PST

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all right. that is going to do it for us tonight. thank you for watching. i'm ama daetz. for all of us, thanks for >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- tracy morgan, $300 million powerball winner dave johnson, part 3 of "the matchelor," plus dave salmoni and animals. and now, moving right along, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, hi, everybody. welcome. thank you. i appreciate that. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i was hoping you were would, and look at that, you did. well, it's very nice.
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i'm glad you're in a good mood. hey, we had -- you know what, we had some good news for a change this weekend. hundreds of thousands of federal employees are back to work. the government shutdown is over. [ cheers and applause ] coming to conclusion after president trump finally got mexico to pay for wall. they were like, all right, you silly gringo, here's the $5 billion. they stuffed it in pinata and they let him hit the pinata and it came out and everybody was happy and that was that. many including members of the president's own party believe he davi caved and that's not true. the president took to twitter to say, i wish people would read or listen to my words on the border wall, this was in no way a condition session, i was taking care of millions of people who were getting badly hurt by the shutdown with the understanding that in 21 days if no deal is done it's off to the races. that's right. he was taking care of the millions of people he badly hurt. if he doesn't get a wall in three weeks, he's going to badly
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hurt those people again. that's reasonable, isn't it? you can't do this every three weeks. these are not "sharknado" movies, okay? the president announced the shutdown of the shutdown from the rose garden on friday, and say what you will about donald trump, you may not like the way you runs things, you may not like what he stands for, but his skills as an orator cannot be touched. >> all americans, i thank you. you are very, very special people. i am so proud that you are citizens of our country. >> jimmy: it's like it was translated from english to cantonese and back to english again. anyway, those verbal skills will be on full display a week from tomorrow as nancy pelosi made good on her promise to invite the president to deliver the state of the union address. the president accepted the invitation. wouldn't it have been great if it ended with these two having sex? [ laughter ] seems like he needs it. this was some weekend for donald trump. he even did the unthinkable and
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lashed out at fox news this weekend. he wrote, never thought i'd say this, but i think john roberts forks and gillian turner at fox news have even less understanding of the wall negotiations than the folks at fake news cnn and nbc. wow. donald trump attacking fox news is like trader joe attacking the fearless flyer, it's unheard of. pot stickers are how much this month? but the best part of the tweet from our stable genius leader that is he misspelled gillian turner. the sillian turner spells it with "g." in his trademark haste he accidentally tweeted "j" which turns out to be a teenager from weed, california. [ laughter ] which is where he should be living, by the way. gi gillian's a high school student, she posted "so that happened." that's got to be a surprise. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] do we really think he knows the difference between north and
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south korea? because i don't know. and with all this happening, another witch has been hunted, roger stone, one of the president's closest advisers and friends was arrested and charged on seven counts including making false statements, obstruction, and witness tampering. press secretary sarah huckabee-s says this doesn't have anything to do with him. >> this has nothing to do with the president. doesn't have anything to do with the white house. none of these things have anything to do with the president. absolutely nothing to do with the president. literally nothing to do with the president. this has nothing to do with president trump. this has nothing to do with the president. this specific charges brought against mr. stone don't have anything to do with the president. businesses that had nothing to do with the president. the charges brought against mr. stone have nothing to do with the president. the charges brought against mr. stone have nothing to do with the president. things that again have nothing to do with the president. that has nothing to do with the president. that doesn't have anything to do with the president. >> jimmy: okay, so the only
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thing we know for sure is that this has something to do with the president. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what, exactly, is anyone's guess. we also got an appearance today. i love how a new character is added. it's like watching "breaking bad." like oh, wow, gus. but we got an appearance today from the acting attorney general, this character matt whitaker, used to sell hot tubs, is now the acting attorney general. he announced the mueller investigation is close to being completed in one of the sweatiest appearances at a press conference i have ever seen. >> i am -- i am comfortable that, um, the decisions that were made are going to be, um, reviewed, unfortunately h, either through the various means we have, but right now, you know, the investigation is i think, uh, close to being completed and i hope that we can get the report from director mull -- mueller as soon as we -- as possible. >> jimmy: what the hell? [ laughter ] that is a terrified man. he looks like he just popped the
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trunk and found a body inside. looks like a high school kid throwing a huge party whose parents just called to say they're coming home early from vacation. actually looks like our warmup guy don, to be honest with you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this could be very lucrative for you. meanwhile, there's an ever-growing field of candidates to take on president pence in 2020. howard schultz who's the former ceo of starbucks says he is considering a third-party bid for president. here's this year, 2019 in a nutshell. no one could host the oscars but everyone thinks they could be president of the united states. [ laughter ] president trump weighed in this morning with his thoughts on a possible schultz run. turns out they were negative. howard schultz doesn't have the guts to run for president, watched him on "60 minutes" last night and i agree with him that he is not the smartest person,
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besides, american only has that. i only hope that starbucks is paying me their rent at trump tower. even though howard schultz hasn't yet officially tossed his april ron or whatever in the ring he released his first i guess official campaign ad today. >> for more than 20 years, howard schultz built starbucks into one of the most successful businesses on the planet. and helped buildings of customers start their days off right. in troubled times, howard schultz knows what americans want. that's why, if elected, president schultz will allow every american to use the white house bathroom. [ laughter ] any time. just ask for the four-digit code. go straight to the lincoln bathroom and do whatever the hell you need to do. howard schultz gives a [ bleep ]. >> i'm howard schultz and for some reason i approve this message. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we have a wild show for you tonight. tracy morgan is here.
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and david salmoni is here. [ cheers and applause ] which may be too much. but let's check in with dave who's got his animals backstage. oh, and tracy is with hey, guys, how are you doing? what's happening? who is this little guy? >> this is our pink flamingo. >> jimmy: tracy, what's wrong? >> the stupid goose ate owl the strips out of my sweet tower. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, no, i apologize. we will definitely find you some more shrimp, tracy. >> jumbo. >> jimmy: jumbo, for sure, of course, we'll get those to you very soon. >> i'm watching you this time, you pink bitch! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, thanks, guys. dave and tracy. later on we might get to hear tracy say the word armadillo, so that will be fun. this is something i saw over the weekend. congratulations are in order for a truck driver in brooklyn who just won the second-largest jackpot in new york lottery
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history. >> david johnson did exactly what most people say they'd do if they were to win the powerball lottery. >> no, i'm not going to continue to work, i'll quit, right away. >> he's going to have over $114 million, wow! how does that sound? >> oh! oohh-wee! >> jimmy: i love stories like this and i think i love dave. we got in touch with dave. joining us from new york, say hello to the new multimillionaire dave johnson. >> what's up, jimmy? been good, bro. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm good, man, i'm good. not as good as you, though. >> jimmy: i don't know about that. i do have some big news. i did one of those ancestry dna tests, i found out we were related. [ laughter ] >> yeah? that's great. >> jimmy: we're actually really close cousins. we'll figure out all sorts of ways to spend the money. when do you get the money, dave? >> maybe a couple more days. >> couple more days.
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do they tell you when it's going to come? >> yeah, it's wednesday. tuesday or wednesday. >> jimmy: will they put it in your checking account? how will it work? >> no, they're going to send it straight to my savings account. >> jimmy: oh, very good. so how did this happen? how did you find out that you won this huge jackpot? >> well, i went to work on wednesday. and i bought a ticket. but thursday i was sick. so i stayed home. and then a friend of mine called me, a driver, said dave, somebody won the powerball by the gas station. i say, yeah, yeah. i say, well, that's not me because i don't have that luck. so i stayed home until friday. when i get to work friday, i say i'll check it on friday. i didn't go to work, though, i go straight to the gas station and check my ticket and those was the numbers. i was so happy, man. >> jimmy: wow, that's unbelievable. yeah, great. >> i'm feeling good, y'all. >> jimmy: so you were taking the
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lump sum, which is how much money? >> 114 smackers. >> jimmy: $114 million you will get. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you really quit your job immediately? >> right away, with no delay, jimmy. as i said, man. quit right away. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how many kids do you have, dave? >> i got three. i got three kids. >> jimmy: i bet they really, really love you this week, huh? [ laughter ] >> yeah. yeah. love me, man. >> jimmy: do you have any immediate plans for the money? what are you going to do with it? first thing. >> yeah, well -- i'm going to buy a bigger house. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> i'm also going to buy a car, a porsche, get my wife to drive to florida in style. >> jimmy: oh, nice. you can probably fly to florida now. [ laughter ] >> no, no, no, no.
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she don't want to fly, she don't want to fly. she want to drive. so i will drive. >> jimmy: okay. dave, now that you're rich, is there anyone in your life you're going to make sure to never talk to again? [ laughter ] >> yeah, man. my boss. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, dave. congratulations. we're very happy for you. don't invest in anything. if anybody says, hey, i want to get you involved in this, say no, no! oh, look at that. >> okay, jimmy. there it is, man. >> jimmy: good luck feeding that into the atm, that is unbelievable. gat lations, dave johnson, the multimillionaire. >> thank you. >> jimmy: take that, donald trump. maybe dave will run for president. [ applause ] speaking of long odds, tonight was "bachelor" night on abc, episode 4 of the bachelor, colton took the ladies to
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singapore this week. he wanted to see what it would el like to be a virgin on another continent. [ laughter ] and also tonight we have a new episode of our dating show. i've been hard at work helping a young lady named danielle m. who was unlucky in love on the nick viall season of "bachelor" and again on "the bachelor in paradise." she agreed to let me sign her up for tinder. we went through a lot of guys. the search for mr. swipe right continues on episode 3. >> previously on "the matchelor." danielle and i met her first tinder match, does pin. >> hi. >> hello, there. >> jimmy: dustin had a hot body -- a great job -- i announce for athletic events. >> jimmy: and bad luck. >> i'm recovering from a rattlesnake bite. >> jimmy: now our tinderella fairy tale continues with match two. >> who's next? >> i think brian's next. >> let's see brian. this is a handsome guy. >> i know, he's got really
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handsome eyes. 31, good age. a creative type. army. >> jimmy: there he is in the army, there he is playing guitar. oh. you don't -- you don't want musicians. >> i'm trying to break my patterns. i used to date a lot of musicians. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, you don't want to date musicians, yeah. >> i mean, if they can just play around the house, because you know, it's like a hobby, and not like what they're trying to make their life in. >> jimmy: gotcha. let's find out, we'll ask him about it. oh, here he comes. >> hey, brian. >> hi. >> jimmy: hi, brian. >> wasn't expecting to see you here. >> hi. >> a hug. >> jimmy: how are you? how are you doing? do you mind having a seat right here? >> sure. brine andrys, i work in tv film production. i'm just looking for a good first date and then seeing where it goes. >> jimmy: we're looking at your tinder profile. we picked you together. >> we did.
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>> jimmy: good news, we're interested in you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we wanted to meet you and kind of get to know you. he is handsome, right? we saw that in the pictures. i have to find out if there's going to be a future for us, you know? >> this is absolutely the weirdest first date i've ever had for sure. >> jimmy: what are your thoughts on like marriage, children, you know? >> i'd love to have a family someday. and then that's kind of it. you just go on dates, you meet people, and then you see what goes next. >> i want you more focused on me than jimmy right now. >> i'm here to see you, that's the thing. >> jimmy: you're here to see us, don't cut me out of this already. so tell us a little bit about yourself. >> currently a member of the armed forces and army reserve. >> jimmy: you're in the reserve. do you have another job as well? >> production work on the side, editing, color correction, and finishing up some music. >> jimmy: tell us about this music thing. >> yes. >> jimmy: what's your level of seriousness as far as music goes? >> i'm about as serious as i've
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ever been right now. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> oh, okay. >> yeah, i'm working on five songs right now in the studio. so got some mixes back. really excited about that. >> jimmy: you don't want to date musicians. ♪ >> jimmy: well. you know, we're going to talk amongst ourselves. and we'll get back to you, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: is that all right? >> sure. >> jimmy: does that seem okay? >> that seems all right. >> okay. >> you know, i think danielle's really cute, and i think she's really spunky and fun. so hopefully i get to see her again. >> nice to meet you too. did all this for me? >> i did, all of it, it was just for you. >> jimmy: next time on "the matchelor." it gets real. you pay for your own netflix account? >> or mooch off someone else? >> of course i mooch off someone else, you don't? >> oh! nyet! >> jimmy: more of "the matchelor" next week.
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tonight on the show dave salmoni is here with wild animals and be right back with tracy morgan! that strip mall sushi, well,t i'm a bit unpredictable. let's redecorate. whatsyamatter tanya, i thought you loved being spontaneous? i do. and if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage, i might break the bank too. so get allstate, and be better protected from mayhem, like me.
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>> jimmy: hi, welcome back. tonight on the show, here's the modern-day noah with animals of every type on animal planet. dave salmoni is here. later this week billy crystal, rita moreno, desus and mero. plus music from summer walker and emily king. please join us for all that.
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our first guest is an american treasure with a heart of gold and a neck of gold too. you can see him alongside taraji p. henson in the new comedy "what men want." it opens in theaters february 8th. please welcome tracy morgan. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yes! >> jimmy: how you doing? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: you look good, you look happy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you know this is your 25th appearance on our show? >> and i didn't get paid once! >> jimmy: you got paid once, yeah. we paid you one time. but it's great to have you here. how are you doing? >> i'm doing great. i feel good. >> jimmy: do you? >> yeah, feel good. >> jimmy: you celebrated -- actually, i should mention to you, because a member of our studio audience, dorothy, is celebrating her 97th birthday
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tonight here. >> i know dorothy! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how do you know dorothy? >> me and dorothy got kids together. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you do. >> what's up? i love you mark may. that's my baby girl. you're getting all good. >> jimmy: how many kids do you and dorothy have? >> on the books or off? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: either way. >> we got a few. >> jimmy: you got a few. >> yeah, we got a few. >> jimmy: you celebrated your 50th birthday in november. was it a big thing? did you have a big deal at home? [ cheers and applause ] >> it was beautiful. >> jimmy: was it? >> i loved turning 5-0. i'm in the 5-0 club now, it's good. my wife, i just got married again. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> my wife is 18 years younger than me. so you have a beautiful young woman like that, puts you at a disadvantage in the marriage. >> jimmy: does it?
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>> i'm not never leaving. >> jimmy: right. >> so, you know, you might talk junk like you are, the other day i told my wife, legal tell you something. if you keep treating me the way you treat me, one day you going to wake up -- and i'm going to be sitting right there. [ laughter ] with your cappuccino. i ain't going nowhere. >> jimmy: that's very wise. you still live -- you're a very wealthy man, you live in a mansion. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: the size of a mall in new jersey, right? >> yeah, i'm from new jersey. you know, there's a very prestigious neighborhood -- like my neighbor -- one of my neighbors is the ceo of pepsi. >> jimmy: geez, really. >> she came over with a big, you know -- one of the flowers and stuff. a house warming gift. it was so nice and kind. and i said, you're so warm, and thank you for welcoming me and my wife and my kids into this neighborhood. and it would be an honor for me to one day get hit by one of your trucks. [ laughter ] i just wanted her to know that.
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>> jimmy: i read in "the new york times," and i hope this isn't fake news that there's a room in your house that is an exact replica of -- >> the godfather, veto corleone. my office is just like veto corleone's. i have somebody come over once a week just to say, "i believe in america." [ laughter ] those are the first words in "the godfather." then he goes, "can i be your friend, godfather?" then i pay him and he get lost. i want to feel like veto. >> jimmy: when you explain that you wanted this, did they think you were kidding? >> no, all the heads went like this. [ laughter ] and i know what that means, that means this dude is crazy. >> jimmy: to you still have the aquarium with the sharks in it in the house? >> yeah, yeah man. atm built a 20,000-gallon tank
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in my pool house. >> jimmy: really, 20,000 gallons. that's like the size of a pool. >> yeah, it's only four big residential aquariums like that in america, and mine is one of them. >> jimmy: where do you get a shark to put in an aquarium? >> in the sea. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. >> in the water. >> jimmy: they come out of like the hudson bay? >> they don't walk, jimmy. >> jimmy: the hudson river? >> you know what i feed them? relatives. [ laughter ] especially the ones who ask for money. >> jimmy: what kind of sharks do you have in that thing? >> well, i have great reefs, black tips, white tips, a five-foot leopard shark that my friend, he's a curator of the long island aquarium, he donated that to me. >> jimmy: donated it, really? >> yeah, my daughter's 5 years old, she loves it. she has sharks in her backyard, how cool that is? >> jimmy: where do you from there? >> yeah, right. she wants me to get a giraffe, keep it in the parking lot.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe dave salmoni will bring a giraffe for you to feed to a shark. >> i'm trying to top bubbles. >> jimmy: do you follow politics? are you involved in that kind of thing? >> no, i don't follow politics but i heard you had a beef with trump jr. i feel for you because i'm having beef with the president's kid right now. >> jimmy: are you really? >> amy carter. >> jimmy: what? >> yeah, she's coming at me hard. >> jimmy: what did amy carter -- >> that's not my baby. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tracy morgan is here. we're going to take a break. tracy's new movie is called "what men want." we'll be right back. oneeeee... did you try this one? feel this one. it's amazing! twooooo... it's nice. but it's kinda pricey. hi. hi. you can't skimp on a decision this important. a mattress is where you'll spend over half your life and eat all your meals. but it's all good.
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this body's body sa shrine. every breath he ever has is made with my patent smoothie. >> oh, man, not the smoothie rant. >> kale, coconut juice, avocados. you know how many avocados is in this boy's body? look at his legs. fish oyes, mega 9s, sometimes 5s, 6s. pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds. pistachios sometimes go in there. whatever it is -- >> sounds healthy. >> no, wait a minute.
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i put more stuff in there. sometimes i have cherries. a little soy sauce, duck sauce. okay? i care about this here boy. >> jimmy: that is tracy morgan in "what men want." [ cheers and applause ] it's a twist on the movie mel gibson was in "what women want" but if from a female perspective. do you think you represent what men want? >> i don't know if i represent, all men are different. don't nobody want to be in this head. [ laughter ] i got hit by a walmart truck. you don't want to go in there, you don't want to go in there. you remember when the old star trek, you had half white and half black characters chasing each other, doing this? [ laughter ] that's what's going on in there 23 -- 24/7. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have any advice, as someone who came into a huge amount of money for that lottery winner dave johnson? he just won -- i think he got
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like $118 million or something like that. >> right. >> jimmy: what advice do you have for him? >> learn how to say the word "no!" >> jimmy: that's the most important thing? >> yeah. don't knock on my door because i don't knock on yours. >> jimmy: are they still hitting you up? >> no, they calmed down now. >> jimmy: they have calmed down. >> everybody's calm. i gave everybody $25 and that's it. [ laughter ] 25, one-shot deal. >> jimmy: you just finished a movie that is a passion project for you. this is a bio-pic. and we -- well, you were nice enough to bring us the exclusive world premiere. it's not been seen before. >> right. >> jimmy: this is the first look, first-ever look at the trailer for -- well, i think i'll let the movie speak for itself. here's tracy morgan. ♪ >> the only thing more amazing than his music -- ♪ one two three four five >> is his story.
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>> it's time to come to work in the paprika mines like your daddy. >> i'm not working in the paprika mines, pop! my dream is to be a mamba star! >> no son of mine is singing mambo. >> but mambo wasn't his only passion. >> a little bit of pineapple -- no. a little bit of italian sausage sandwiches -- no. a little bit of -- monica, monica, babe, come on now, i have a big-time music manager coming to hear my song. is that you, erika? pamela? shawana? rita, come on girl, not now, you know i like the scarf. okay, come here, come to papa, come to papa. >> all right, kid. let's hear what you got. >> and when it mattered most -- >> ladies and gentlemen, this song is called "mambo number 1."
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>> i hate it. >> okay, okay, hold on. this one is called "mammo number 2." >> next! >> hey, hey, hey. get on the floor, ladies and gentlemen, this is "mambo number 3 and 4." >> hello, you've got to do better. >> i'm sorry, i'm all out of mambos. >> try ma'mbo number 5. >> wow, number 5, that's great! what's it all about? >> write what you know. >> his serious shone through. ♪ a little bit of monica in my life ♪ ♪ a little bit of erika by my side ♪ ♪ a little bit of rita's what i need ♪ ♪ a little bit of ttina's what see ♪ >> "the new york times" raves, if you see one movie about lou baker this year, see "mambo number 5." >> and the winner of the nobel
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prize for "mambo" is lou vega. >> tracy morgan is lou bega. >> i'd like to thank a little bit of everybody! especially my pregnant baby mambos! >> "mambo number 5." >> wait till you hear "mambo number 6." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love it. you've got so much going on. tracy morgan. "what men want" opens in theaters february 8th. do you want to stay for the animals? >> huh? >> jimmy: we've got wild animals, would you like to stay for the animals? [ cheers and applause ] be right back with save salmoni and animals.
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>> jimmy: we're back. tracy morgan is here. even with the tsa back in full force, our next guest was somehow able to fly with a sloth in his carry-on bag. he's the large predator expert for animal planet where sunday you can see "puppy bowl 15." please welcome the canadian tarzan, dave salmoni.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: what's happening? how are you, dave? >> wow, look at that. how are you? wow. >> jimmy: wow. >> that might be my first standing "o," thanks, guys. >> jimmy: did you spray paint a tank top on this thing? is that a wrestling singlet? >> hey, there's a little treat. applesauce cup over there. >> jimmy: okay, yes, applesauce cup. >> see how he feels there. lesser anteater. >> jimmy: why is it a lesser anteater? >> a little bit smaller than the bigger ones. give that to him here, give it right in front of him, he'll grab it. >> jimmy: is that good? >> yeah, start picking it up a little bit -- hold your hand up, up, up, up, all the way up, all wait up, now give to it him, let go. >> jimmy: okay, okay, here you go. >> there you go. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] i like this one. >> a terramandu, while he's
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using his hands there, big, big claws because they spend a lot of time up in a tree. they have a prehensile tail which means they can hang from their tail while they eat. get that stick there. can i have this? no? you you don't have. >> jimmy: he reminds me of my son, i don't know why. [ laughter ] >> sure you don't want to hold him? >> jimmy: well, i -- no, i don't want to hold him. yeah. tracy wants to hold it. >> whoa, no. >> jimmy: you wore the same outfit, tracy. >> you brought applesauce so there will be ants all over the place. >> jimmy: a special treat. things like this we're always trying to make shurt animals have a great time. to do that they get a special treat. he don't normally eat those things, he normally eats bugs. >> not ants again. >> totally right. >> jimmy: how do you find out they like applesauce? >> you offer lots of different
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things like any animal -- >> so you gave them pizza? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great question. >> no. it is a good question. we tried a lot of things we thought they might like. >> you should give them cream o' wheat. >> jimmy: okay, all right, nice meeting you. >> okay. that's fine. perfect. let's put it here. >> jimmy: all right, should i clean this off? >> if you don't mind. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm going to give this a little -- there we go, all right. >> excuse me, everybody. all right, thank you very much. >> jimmy: all right. >> hi. now come with me, big guy. >> jimmy: i like when you bring animals that aren't dangerous. >> tracy, jimmy, come around the desk. you come up here by the desk, please. >> you make sure you stay between me and him. >> i want you to walk around that way to jimmy. come around here. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: is this a zebra? >> go behind him. this is the whole point. stand hereress this is a zebra. >> jimmy: this is a zebra pony? >> this is a baby zebra, 3 months old. the reason i'm trying to keep you -- well, me between you guys is they do, these guys are not small horses like they look,
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they kick like crazy, they bite, they're much more aggressive. [ laughter ] it is only a 3-month baby. >> jimmy: i don't want to get -- if i get kicked or damaged by an animal, i want it to be a fearsome animal. [ laughter ] >> this is a fearsome >> if i got kicked by a 3-month-old zebra. >> come around, pick up the bucket with milk, please. >> jimmy: the milk bucket, all right. >> this is a fearsome animal. lions are afraid of it. show him the bucket. keep it in your hands. >> jimmy: there you go have some of that. >> that's it, hold it up for him. >> hold that around in your mouth. >> both sides, both hands and tilt it so the milk stays like that. come around, tracy, i'll keep you safe, i promise. >> okay. >> another thing, the biggest contentious issue about zebras is whether they're white or black. >> jimmy: zeb ras? >> they're an africa animal, they're called
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>> we in brooklyn say zee-bras. >> jimmy: there's no zee-bras in brooklyn -- >> yes, there is. >> another fun thick is people trying to figure out what these stripes are for. one of the theories is -- >> they've got good credit? >> could be. the lions or the predators that are after these types of guys would look through the grass when the african heat was going up, the waves would break up the silhouette so they wouldn't be able to see the zeeb wrarks so that would be camouflage. >> guess what, it ain't working. >> if he's done that one, there's another bucket if you want to give him that. >> >> jimmy: how many buckets are we going to give this thing? >> lots, he's a baby. you've got to take it all the way away. bring the bucket back. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> you're feeding the baby like a pony? >> that was the milk, this is the grains. ♪ rice a roni the
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treat. >> this is the grain, that is the milk. he's only 150 pounds, he's going to get over 800 as a male zebra. you can't feed him too pickup much. >> jimmy: would you ride this animal? >> this age, my size? it would probably be strong enough for sure, these guys are very strong. once they get mid size, 300, 400 pounds, only the biggest of predators, the smartest predators want to go after these guys because they are super duper strong. >> jimmy: let's take a break here. we'll come and finish the bucket. then we'll come back with some more animals, okay? all right. dave salmoni is here. we'll be right back.
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>> jimmy: we're back with tracy morgan and dave salmoni. >> hi, sweetheart. >> jimmy: dave is here to talk about the puppy bowl which is on animal planet this weekend. opposite the super bowl. >> just before and then all day. >> jimmy: then all day. >> so it starts 3:00 p.m.
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eastern. >> jimmy: what the hell is this? >> these are screaming hairy armadil armadillos. please hold one for me, i can't hold two. >> jimmy: i guess. >> this is my favorite one. like that, exactly like you're holding them. like that, and they're very comfortable like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it doesn't seem that comfortable, dave. >> you okay? >> jimmy: yeah. oh! okay, okay -- >> we got it. [ laughter ] i'm going to take one away so i can hold the other. >> jimmy: tracy? you want to hold -- oh, wow. yeah, he clawed me. >> my job isn't as easy as it seems. screaming hairy armadillo. >> jimmy: what? the worst thing ever, screaming and hairy? >> another world for cockroach. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you can see why hairy, because he's very hairy. this one's very busy, he's trying to dig, which is the only thing he does. screaming is what they'll do if they they'll threatened. if he thinks a predator is coming to get him, he'll roll
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into a ball. did you feel the armor? >> i felt the armor, i felt the whole thing, yeah. >> they'll roll into a ball and wait for the predators to go away. >> the predators go away? >> depends how hungry it is. >> jimmy: he looks delicious on the other side. >> with a defense mechanism like that, they don't get eaten? >> exactly right. if they see the predator coming -- let me pull out one of his hands. see how he's trying to dig at me? that's what they like to do, burrow. let him burrow a little bit. >> jimmy: does this qualify -- could you bring this on a plane as an emotional support animal? >> definitely, definitely, as long as you have one of those little bibs. >> jimmy: good. >> so these guys will dig, they're big holes. see those claws? those are perfect digging things to get at bugs for them to eat. >> he'll be screaming soon? >> he won't scream. he's only going to scream if he's scared. he's active and wants to play. >> jimmy: speaking of bugs to
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eat, i guess we have another -- there you go. nice meeting you. yeah. okay. now what do we have here that's coming up? >> that's a good question. oh, we have a galapagos -- >> jimmy: this is the first time you brought an insect. >> i don't bring many insects. i'm not an insect whisperer. [ laughter ] >> this one is special. want a closer look? >> no, no, no, no, no. >> you all right? you want to have a closer look? this is a galapagos centipede. >> a what? >> jimmy: are they poisonous? >> venomous? jim, i'm leaving, see you later. [ laughter ] >> if this guy bites you, it will hurt. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> interestingly -- here, here. >> this one of the guys where you're going to spit it out like they did -- >> no, we're going to make friends with this guy. the interesting thing about him, if the camera gets in nice and tight, it looks like he has fangs in the front. those aren't actually fangs.
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those are arms, basically that have venom in them. he doesn't bite things to death, he hugs them to death. >> jimmy: well, that's cute. [ laughter ] >> he's strong enough -- you all right? i'll bring him over -- >> no i ain't all right! [ laughter ] quit bringing him over here. >> he's strong enough to actually kill an adult mouse. >> jimmy: dave, where do these live so i can never, ever go there? >> the galapagos, hence the name. >> i'm going to "x" that off my to-do list, visiting the galapagos. yeah those are no good. >> these are great, they're beautiful. they're a super-fast predator. >> jimmy: let's feed to it the armadillo, huh? >> yeah. >> jimmy: give that thing a nice snack. we're going to take a break. dave salmoni's here, tracy morgan is here. we have one more animal, we'll be right back!
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>> jimmy: we've got one more animal here. >> take an apple. shirley the sloth. she's our refs' assistant. you can give shirley an apple.
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leave it there, it's fine. she won't hurt you. see those big teeth in the thing about slotses, they hang upside down, they have beautiful big claws here. another interesting fact, notice how our arm hair grows towards our hands, lis grows away because he's upside down in the rain forest all the time. the rain comes down, the water rushes off him. >> jimmy: if i were to hang upside down i might not ever go bald? >> probably. probably right. >> jimmy: that's a great tip, something we learned from the sloths. >> they live almost entirely up in trees. >> jimmy: are you sure these are slots and not just a stoned monkey? [ laughter ] >> i am sure, yes. >> jimmy: he's eating -- well, thank you dave salmoni, "puppy bowl 15" airs sunday at 3:00 p.m. eastern on animal planet. tracy morgan, "what men wants" opens in theaters february 8th. do you have any projects? >> surely, she's in puppy bowl? apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him, he'll be rescheduled.
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thank you for watching, good night! this is "nightline." >> tonight, cardi b. versus the conservatives. the "i like it" rapper -- ♪ he's so handsome what's his name ♪ >> clapping back at critics of her new video "twerk." shaping up the conversation about female empowerment in the "me too" era. are videos like these helping or hurting women? let him finish. chris christie setting the record straight on the president. what he really thinks about trump's inner circle. >> you read about the "game of thrones" quality to the rivalries there. >> there are a lot of people there who have no business being there. >> who does he

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