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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 14, 2019 11:35pm-12:35am PDT

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all right, thanks for joining us. >> have a from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- joseph gordon-levitt, from "9-1-1", angela bassett, the 13th annual belly flop competition, and music from half alive. and now, stay put, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you. how are you? i appreciate it. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. real fine. [cheers and applause] i will say, we've had an
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especially interesting week here at our show. you know, we talk about, we talk quite a bit about the president on this show, and all the late night shows do, but it's unusual that he talks about us. perhaps in order to distract us from his embarrassing defeat in the senate today, the president unleashed a tor the rent of ran selected topics. he tweeted about nancy pelosi, national agriculture day and took a shot at the late night hosts. he wrote, the three very weak and untalented late night hosts. first of all, i don't know why he would call steven colbert and jimmy fallon weak. that's rude. carson did a great job. it wasn't political. i don't know what they're going to do in 2024 when he's no
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longer president. we'll be whacky in the unemployment line? this idea of us fighting over table scraps is more like a hometown buffet in hell. you get all the crab legs you can eat, but you never can stop eating them. that's what it's like. he wonders what we're going to do when he's not president anymore. i know i am going to disney land on that day. [cheers and applause] that's my plan. so this is what the president should be worried about. the senate, in a rare bipartisan move passed a resolution to block the president's bogus declaration of a national emergency. vote 59-41, even after he tried to strong arm the republicans, 12 of them flipped. it's most embarrassing beating he's taken since stormy daniels got him with a magazine. [ applause ] the president is expected to veto the resolution, even
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tweeted the word veto. and this is a good nugget. trump was reportedly enraged last night when three republican senators, including ted cruz and lindsey graham interrupted his dinner to try to pitch him a compromise. they should know, you do not get in between that man and his kfc. it's just not. meanwhile we have entered the presidential race. even the new york marathon puts a cap on how many people can run. instead of showing you a list of who's running, we decided to give ah list you a list of thos aren't. here they are. bla black chyna, jussie smollett, et
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cetera, et cetera, jared from subway will not be running. beto is very charismatic, very popular but also an adult which rides a skate board, which gives us pause. beto ran against ted cruz and lost and decided you know what? i'm going to run for president. it's like you asked a cheerleader to the prom. she said no, so you asked bay beyonce instead. donald trump is so jealous of adult, man-sized hands he can't get enough. beto was on the cover of vanity fair this month. and you can tell he's serious because he has his shirt tucked. i think he may only have one shirt. he's in that shirt in avenue single photograph. not everyone's excited about an o'rourke run for president, and that includes the host of the
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700 club. pat robertson is 700 years old. he's the only one in the club. but here he is on beto o'rourke. >> now we've got an irishman who h has picked up a mexican name, that beto is alliteration of the spanish word roberto. he's running essentially as a half mexican. b beto o'rourke. to go after ted cruz he decided he was going to be half mexican, beto. >> jimmy: he said the same thing when lincoln ran for president. just pat. here's something that doesn't have anything to do with anything. but avenevery summer we have aa
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competition. we have people on the street judgme take off their clothes and jump in the pool. let's go out to hollywood boulevard. the weather is good? >> oh, it's a polar vortex out, but we'll get through it. >> jimmy: have you been wrangling people? >> yeah, i got this guy. are you a cop? i have to ask? >> no, just going for the magnum pi look. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> james. >> jimmy: i like jimmy. what do you do for work? >> i do security for c.i.t. and work at a vape shop. just stayin' afloat. >> jimmy: those intereare guill exact qualifications. >> tell him to come on down to florida, >> jimmy: a vape shop. you want to flop your belly? you don't have much of a belly,
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but you make the most of it. >> i'll let him borrow. >> jimmy: let's see if we have anybody else out there, sal. hello, what's your name? >> dena. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> newport beach. >> jimmy: what do you do for work? >> i'm a biology student at usc. >> jimmy: oh, did your parents pay to get you in there? >> no, they did not. not that i know of. >> jimmy: all right, well, keep in mind we're going to do a little background check on you after this. would you like to belly flop tonight? >> i would love to belly flop. >> jimmy: come on through, then, sal, find a few more bell ease. our competitors tonight will be judged on style, skill and most importantly, water displacement. this is going to be good. by the way, i want to send thoughts and prayers out to you who had a birthday yesterday and learned that without facebook no one knew. facebook and instagram were down for 12 hours yesterday.
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facebook today blamed the out a.m. a lot of people thought it was a hack, but they blamed it on a server configuration change. it changed from working to not working. both platforms are back up and running, which is good news, oh, hold on. go right through. yes, great. >> yeah. [cheers a [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: all right. i don't know why. i feel like it's a bachelor and we just fixed them up. tomorrow is no ordinary school day. tens of thousands of students are expected to skip school and take to the streets to demand that we adults do more to combat climate change. which is great, but it seems like this could be done on saturday, doesn't it?
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students not getting properly educated is what caused climate change denial in the first place. president trump ordered the space force to take out the sun. i don't know why any one wouldn't believe humans are causing climate change. most of the denial, as you know, comes from the red states. but here's thing i don't think these people are considering. when climate change causes the sea level to rise, it makes coastal cities like ours uninhabitable, we're coming to live with you guys. how many people have you got in wyoming, 500,000? we have 38 million. we're coming to laramie. there's going to be $5 lattes, gay pride parades, everybody's going to be eating chia vegan noodle smoothies three times a day. if you want to keep us here and not there, you might want to give this one another look. oh, okay, good. we have moregood sal.
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hi, everyone. oh, yes, yes. we got some good bellies there. guillermo, are you going out there, too? >> jimmy: all right. it's like the least spectacular parade ever. so, okay. this is an interesting statistic. there's a new study done by aaa that says 71% of americans are afraid of self-driving cars. is anyone afraid, we're afraid of self-driving cars. we have no problem getting in a uber after midnight with some weirdo stranger, but i am not scared of self-driving cars. if there's one thing i've learned from movies, it's that the robots would never hurt us. self-driving cars are more scared of us than we are of them. here in los angeles, not only do we have a number of companies developing self-driving cars, they're also working on
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self-honking and self-middle fingering cars, too. [cheers and applause] is our crew in place outside? let's go to our back lot where our 13th annual pedestrian belly flop competition is about to begin. [cheers and applause] that is our official belly flop security guard guillermo. how are you feeling tonight, guillermo? >> feeling great, jimmy. >> jimmy: pretty great, okay. i'd like to introduce you to our judgments, he won a bronze medal fo for the united states, say hello to adam rippon. hello, adam. are you a professional athlete. what is the skating and belly flopping? >> honestly, i don't feel like there's a lot of difference. i'm looking for a lot of passion and more than anything i want to get [ bleep ] wet. >> jimmy: thank you. that's attitude we'd like to
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see. she's the official scorekeeper on "to tell the truth", please welcome mama doris. >> hey! >> jimmy: welcome. it's good to see you. >> you too, jimmy. >> jimmy: if you are here, who is at home watching anthony right now. did you gate set a sitter? >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: and he is the front man for the band sugar ray, he almost won their season of celebrity big brother, please welcome mark mcgrath. >> hit'em. >> jimmy: you famously just fly. what do you look for in a belly flop. >> >> jimmy, like life, it is commitment to what you're doing. if i don't see full commitment you're going to get a 0 from the guy from sugar ray. >> jimmy: i judges, they're taking it
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serious lim seriously. guillermo, bring out flopper number one. >> that was nothing. you didn't see that. neither did that camera. >> jimmy: jimmy, we almost lost you before you got to the edge of the pool. >> sh! >> jimmy: you chose the speedo? or the speedo chose you. >> the speedo chose me. >> jimmy: are you having any regret about doing this now? >> not yet. >> jimmy: we're looking for passion, commitment and most of all, a lot of water, all right? >> a lot of passion. a lot of passion. >> jimmy: here we go. and it's jimmy. guillermo, count'em down. >> three, two, one! >> oh! >> jimmy: all right. well done. >> ah! i got >> jimmy: slow motion instant replay so we can really examine
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jimmy's work. pretty good. got a lot of belly in there. adam, what do you say? >> you know what? i think for the vape king from florida, deaf fifthly a 9. >> jimmy: all right. he got a nine. solid. doris. >> i gave limbhim a 9, he got m wet. >> jimmy: mark? >> a lot of banana, a lot of commitment. i gave him a 9. >> jimmy: how do you feel? >> i feel alive. >> jimmy: a hot dog, enjoy. shall we go back up to the platform? immy: lcom>>nkyou.ello,. j disadvantage. you seem to have no stomach whatsoever. >> yeah, i am. >> jimmy: is there anything you want to say to the haters before we begin? >> i'm going to belly flop this
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thing. >> jimmy: you got a 27 to beat. guillermo, count her down. >> three, two, one! >> jimmy: here goes dena. >> oh! >> jimmy: all right, well, let's take a look at that again in slow motion here. and see, dena, she got, yeah, she got a little above her belly there, and really, let's go to the judges now. what do you say? >> i feel like my wig is getting more wet than doris' right now. >> i don't think so. >> that was good. i'm impressed. i give it an 8. >> jimmy: dor snis? >> she was cute, but i gave her that. >> jimmy: doris, are you really wearing a yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: and mark, i don't
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think there's any way dena can win this anyway. what score do you give her? >> commitment and a fellow trojan. i'm giving you a 10! >> jimmy: dena, what do you think? what happened there? >> i don't know, i just went for it. and, yeah, i tried to eat, i had like six cookies. >> jimmy: you were a good sport. and cousin sal's going to give you a head start on the next belly flop. eat that hot dog there, it's full of delicious fat. we're going to take a break. we have quite a show for you. joseph gordon-levitt. we'll be right back. more belly flopping as well. g as well. ♪ ♪ abc's jimmy kimmel live brought to you by mazda. ou by mazda.
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♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: tonight, from her show "911" on fox, angela bassett is here. then, their song is called "still feel", half-alive from the mercedes-benz stage. next week, we are back at it with new shows and guests including mandy moore, michael keaton, mark hamill, kamala harris, rob lowe, retta, joey king, the guys from queer eye. plus music from jenny lewis, dean lewis, judah and the lion and catfish and the bottlemen. so please join us for all that. our first guest is a multi-talented and multi-emmy winning actor & producer who is very good at everything he does. his new one-hour special premieres at sxsw tomorrow night
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and will also be available on the "hit record" youtube channel. please welcome joseph gordon-levitt. [cheers and ♪ how's it going? >> good, man. it's good to be back. >> jimmy: life is good? have you, are you, i would imagine you don't have a lot of belly under that shirt, but are you a belly flopper? >> i was watching the belly flop competition from back stage. >> jimmy: you want to check one out? >> that girl got robbed. her belly flop was definitely superior to the guy's. >> jimmy: you thought so? >> there's a technical reason. the guy like put his elbows and knees down first. that doesn't hurt as much. she went pure belly flop. she should have won. >> jimmy: okay, you're focussed on technique rather than
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results, i think. >> i'm focussed on pain. how much pain are you enduring. that guy, he put his elbows down at the last minute. that doesn't hurt. >> jimmy: interesting, interesting. but you are not a licensed belly flop judge like adam is, like mark is. >> can i go out there? >> jimmy: okay, here we go. this is great. >> keep your elbows up! >> kerry king. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> lake providence, louisiana. >> jimmy: you've probably jumped into swamps and stuff, right? >> shoot'em, elizabeth. >> jimmy: now joseph gordon levity h leavitt has some advice for you. >> no elbows down. >> i knew that belly was going to come in handy. >> jimmy: are you ready to do this? >> i'm ready.
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>> jimmy: guillermo, count'em down. >> three, two, one! >> jimmy: and! that was, yeah, that's the deal right there. [cheers and applause] let's see what our judges say. >> look at, dude. >> jimmy: let's look at that again in slow motion, as we have been known to do. and here it goes, okay, see. >> he didn't put his elbows down. >> jimmy: yeah, he took it full on. what do the judges say, adam? >> you know what? they make'em dense in louisiana. 10. >> jimmy: the license plate. a 10. doris? >> i like is not a dating show.
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and finally, mark, mark, what do you say jimmy, that man was born to flop. and thank you for recognizing technique. that man can take 10 from me. >> first of all, i'd like to thank my mama for blessing me with all this beauty. >> jimmy: you get two hot dogs! that's like a nathan's. well done. that was something. >> i feel like justice has been served. >> jimmy: you've been a performer for how long? you know how to do this stuff. how old were you started >> i was 6 when i started. i just turned 38. >> jimmy: you've had a long career and you're still a very young person. >> hey, thanks. >> jimmy: how old were you when you did this? this is a movie, right? was this a tv movie or theater movie? >> i mean, i think it came out in theaters, an a little bit. >> jimmy: it's called holy matrimony, you and patricia
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arquette. leonard nimoy directed this film. >> live long and prosper. >> jimmy: what's going on here? >> i played a huderrite. they're like an amish group of people. >> jimmy: real or made up? >> no, they're real. they live most loi ly in montan canada. the rule is, if your brother dies then you have to marry their wife. you have to marry your brother's wife. and it's a tell all this. they've robbed a bank together. and he dies, but she wants to keep the money, so she agrees to marry a 12 year old, which is me. >> jimmy: this movie should be called "the luckiest boy in the world." patricia, first of all, looks really mad at her agent. and you look like, mom, what is
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going on? get me out of here? >> in reality i had such a crush. oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: i bet. >> just a true romance. >> jimmy: please, you must make a sequel to this. >> that's actually a great idea. >> jimmy: she's an oscar western. you're ve you are very creative. i love this concept you have. it's so interesting and creative. it's a collaboration amongst the world. >> yeah, sure. it's called band together, with logic, the rapper logic at the center of it. >> jimmy: lodggic has a name that's also a word. it sounds like a math tutorial. >> if you are a fan of bobby tarantino also known as logic, he led the world in making a song together. it's different than "american idol" or "the voice." because it's not a contest but a collaboration. at the end of the show. all these people all over the
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world weren't competing against each other, but they made a song together. >> jimmy: logic comes up with something, with lyrics and a music track. and people watch it and sayo, okay, i'm going to play clai clarinet, bass, with that, and you pick and choose which parts you want to use. >> they work off each other. it's not like each submitting their piece to a contest. the thing is, on the internet, often times people are just competing with each other, insulting each other, one-upping each other. their is an example of how people on the internet can collaborate and not just like compete and insult each other. >> jimmy: as the great vanilla ice once said. stop, collaborate. >> and listen. [cheers and applause] >> do it like i would t orinal? ♪ not oneo gun
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♪ you take me to that part where it's like, oh! ♪ oh, ♪ >> and then you can beat these two. ♪ green light ♪ woo >> where's the horn for that? >> jimmy: yeah, i like that. that's good. so you're going to austin, texas. >> yeah, it's premiering at south by southwest. it's a beautiful festival there. i've had lots of movies play there of about. but acting in a movie, doing something like this, this is a very personal project for me, that we've been working up to. i've talked to you about projects before. we've worked our way up from small things to bigger and bigger things and to have this platt numb platinum, number one artist, it's cool. >> jimmy: check it out.
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it premiers at south by southwest and on the youtube channel. we'll be right back with angela bassett. >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by guinness. this st. patrick's day as long as you're celebrating with the guinness you're doing it right. g it right. [friend] i've never seen that before. ♪ ♪ i have... ♪ this is you shopping. i have... and this is you maximizing at t.j.maxx. when you get more you for your money, every time, it's not shopping, it's maximizing.
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more saving. more doing. >> dicky: jimmy kimmel live is
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heading to las vegas from april 1st through april 5th. if you are going to be in the area and want to see the show, go to for tickets now. ♪ let me see that! ♪
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>> jimmy: st. patrick's day is around the corner, for our wee little guillermo, it's time to check in with the folks at guinness. and he headed to baltimore. ♪ >> open it up! >> hey, guillermo, welcome. we've been expecting you. come on in. >> this is a great place. >> tlaphanks, yeah. you're standing inside the first begines brewe mtlave a few barrels on >> what is the name of this one? >> thas butt ton of of of of >> butt ton.
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>> this is holly stevenson. >> nice meeting you. how are you? >> nice meeting you, guillermo. >> what are we making here? >> we make all kinds of experimental, but we are the home of the guinness blond. >> a blond woo! oh, sorry, holly. can we go drink beer now? >> yeah, let ea's do it. >> finally. wow. it ireland. >> because guinness draft is brewed in ireland. >> why choose h b tri thlocal cuisine?gr >> tricky to eat. >> i got is beautiful.
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>> dicky: happy st. patrick's day from the brewers at guinness. >> jimmy: we'll be back with a special performance from half alive. ive.
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[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: oh, wow, look at that. conside kerry is the champion. kerry is the king of the belly flop competition. >> jimmy: our next guest is a golden globe-winning actor and an inspiration to wakandans all the world over. her tv show "911" returns this monday night on fox. please welcome angela bassett.
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[cheers and ♪ >> jimmy: how you doin'? >> good. woo! jeep you kno . >> jimmy: you know, you look fantastic. it's great to have you here. we were doing this thing with a belly flop competition. >> i saw that. >> jimmy: i hope you don't mind me showing this, but you caused quite a commotion. happy birthday to my leo brothers and sisters, let's eat cake. it doesn't look like you eat cake. it's super human. >> i was eating almonds. >> jimmy: it makes sense that
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you would be from wakhandha. do people do the salute to you' every day? >> not every day, but at church. >> jimmy: at church? does it make you cooler with your kids? how old are your kids? >> they just turned 13. >> jimmy: does to have any effect on them? >> it made me cool. it went on for a good year, all the hype behind and excitement. so i was cool for a good year, but these kids have short attention spans, so i got to come up with something else. >> jimmy: the kids are like the general public. you have to keep producing to stay on top. >> yeah, so hearing leavitt talking about logic, my son says he's the best rapper living or
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dead, strong opinion. maybe i can get some info about that. make me cool for another couple months. >> jimmy: it is a constant struggle. >> as long as i'm cool with their friends. >> jimmy: you're probably always automatically cool with the friends. >> and i hug'em up and talk to them and how are you? and give them attention, and then they want me back. got to play psychology with these little people. >> jimmy: when your children are a couple years older will you pay $500,000 to send them to school? >> i have nothing -- no. they are in public school. i went to public school. turned out okay by me. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i like that. >> i do not help them with their homework. if they, well, yesterday they had a little ted talk. they are doing ted talks at school. >> jimmy: oh, they are. >> so he did something on do aliens exist. and my daughter's like, do
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dragons exist? i couldn't understand the thing. i couldn't understand, and so i had to keep quiet and let my friend who was visiting, let her tell him that you need to simplify it. you need to talk down to like a first grader. consider me a first grader. >> jimmy: i see. that's good advice i think. >> he didn't do it. >> jimmy: he didn't do it. >> he went very well. he went very far on charisma, but no one understood what his ted talk was about. >> jimmy: the important thing is whether he determined if aliens exist. if they do, i want them to give me a call because i want to know all about it. you went to yale. >> i did. >> jimmy: that's impressive. you went to yale for undergraduate and to get your master's degree, right? >> that's right. >> jimmy: that's pretty -- [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: is yale what you would imagine it would be or what we would imagine it would be?
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>> i think it was more than i would imagine. i met some great friends there. i would say i met some of the smartest people i've ever nope, and i've met some of the dumbest. you know, a lot of book smarts, but also with book smart, you know, how about common sense. >> jimmy: interesting. >> so they go hand in hand. >> jimmy: that is amazing, you know, yale, i would imagine your dad has to be at least a senator, even just like representative no-go. you have to be at a certain level, and you went to public school and got into yale. >> i went to public school, yeah. >> jimmy: did you study theater? was that your plan? >> i studied theater. that wasn't the plan going in. i was hodgepodge, business administration, history, theater, drama. i was english. i was just trying to figure it out. >> jimmy: and you did figure it out, though. >> right. >> jimmy: your show's on fox. >> 911.
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>> jimmy: you play a police officer. which is interesting after acting and going to yale for all that stuff. you're playing a police officer responding to these emergency calls. and one of the episodes on monday. >> yes. >> jimmy: episode on monday, there's a shark attack on the freeway. >> transporting a shark, yeah. >> jimmy: a shark is being transported. >> transported. incredible. jackknife and the shark is let loose, you know. >> jimmy: and the shark bites somebody on the freeway. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now did you sit down with them and say, listen, i went to yale? but that's fun, i guess. >> well, can i do a gator? a sam jackson, can somebody get their mother -- shark off this mother -- freeway? >> jimmy: they said no? >> no, snakes on a plane, sharks on the freeway.
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>> jimmy: with all the "sharknado," it's possible something like that could happen. thank you for being here. angela bassett! "911" airs monday nights on fox. and we'll return with music from half alive. ♪ ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing. or nothing. so you can say yes to the biggest selection of the season. event is here-finally! yes! seriously, 20 to 60 percent off department store prices! more new dresses means more reasons to say yes. at the ross spring dress event. on now!
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i can customize each line for soeach family member?e yup. and since it comes with your internet, you can switch wireless carriers, and save hundreds of dollars a year. are you pullin' my leg? nope. you sure you're not pullin' my leg? i think it's your dog. oh it's him. good call. customize each line and choose to pay by the gig or getunlimited. do you guys sell other dogs? now that's simple, easy, awesome. and since xfinity mobile comes with xfinity internet, you can save hundreds a year. get $250 back when you buy a new samsung galaxy. click, call, or visit a store today. great minds shop alike? yes. that's yes for less. yep! yes, yes, yes ,yes, yes... yes.
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seriously, 20 to 60 percent off department store prices every day. at ross. yes for less. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank joseph-gordon levitt and angela bassett. apologies to matt damon. nightline is next, but first here with the song "still feel", half alive! ♪ ♪ when i'm furthest from myself far away feeling closer to the stars outer space ♪ ♪ i've been invaded by the dark can't escape trying to recognize myself ♪ ♪ when i feel i've been replaced when i'm furthest from myself far away ♪
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♪ feeling closer to the stars outer space i've been invaded by the dark can't escape ♪ ♪ trying to recognize myself when i feel i've been replaced ohh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ i can feel a kick down in my soul ohh oh oh oh and it's pulling me back ♪ ♪ to earth to let me know ohh oh oh oh i am not a slave can't be contained ♪ ♪ so pick me from the dark and pull me from the grave 'cause i still feel alive ♪ ♪ when it is hopeless i start to notice and i still feel alive falling forward ♪ ♪ back into orbit so when i lose my gravity in this sleepy womb drifting as i dream ♪ ♪ i'll wake up soon to realize the hand of life
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is reaching out to rid me of my pride ♪ ♪ i call allegiance to myself ohh oh oh oh but i can feel a kick ♪ ♪ down in my soul ohh oh oh oh and it's pulling me back to earth to let me know ♪ ♪ ohh oh oh oh i am not a slave can't be contained so pick me from the dark ♪ ♪ and pull me from the grave 'cause i still feel alive when it is hopeless ♪ ♪ i start to notice and i still feel alive falling forward back into orbit ♪ ♪ and i still feel alive it is hopeless i start to notice and i still feel alive ♪ ♪ falling forward back into orbit yeah yeah
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ooh oh oh oh i can feel a kick ♪ ♪ down in my soul ooh oh oh oh and it's pulling me back to earth to let me know ♪ ♪ ooh oh oh oh and this heart that beats inside of me will show ooh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ it will show floating in outer space have i misplaced a part of my soul ♪ ♪ lost in the in-between or so it seems i'm out of control floating in outer space ♪ ♪ have i misplaced a part of my soul lost in the in-between but it can't keep me asleep ♪ ♪ for long 'cause i still feel alive i still feel alive i still feel alive i still feel alive
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i still feel alive when it is hopeless i start to notice ♪ ♪ and i still feel al ♪ [cheers and applause]
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this is "nightline." tonight, breaking news. a mass shooting, with mass casualties at two mosques in new zealand. four people now in custody. plus, class divisions. the college admission scandal and ruined reputations. the hollywood mom denying charges, but already losing her hallmark roles. >> yes, well college was a long team ago. >> her daughter's makeup deal over. students who played by the rules now feeling cheated. tu sive hd day a ple like us w topsme here andearn.


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