tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 14, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
for all of us, thanks for being here. george clooney is on jimmy kimmel live. apparently i'm a huge >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- george clooney. dr. mehmet oz. and music from pink sweat$. ki ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you. welcome. very nice. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. very nice. thank you for joining us here. and in beautiful hollywood, california, where i'll be honest. we're feeling a little bit left
out today, because so many of our most fashionable stars went to new york for the annual costume ball at the metropolitan museum of art, the met gala. this is a who's who of who the hell put you in that dress? the theme this year, they have a theme every year, this year was people who have too much money. the theme this year was camp. i thought oh, canoes and stuff. but it was a different kind of camp. jared leto was one of the big stars. he went as the red wedding from "game of thrones," i guess? i don't know. we have kim kardashian who, wet, poor thing fell in the fountain on her way up the stairs. harry styles from one direction seems to have gone in another direction. he's rummaging through his grandma's lingerie drawer.
[ applause ] this is joe jonas dressed as a screen saver. lady gaga wore four outfits. one of them required a lot of help. look at this. this is, i say if you need four grown adults to help you move, it's not a dress anymore. it's a couch at that point. between the met gala and the royal baby being born. the team at e! last night was so excited they exploded in a mushroom cloud of words i've never heard before. >> okay. this is next level. >> she looks stun-ing. >> this is the most -- >> i'm literally dead. this is amazing. >> the sneakers are the vibe, though.
>> celine is the most. she is the most. >> the look is really major, major. >> this cutout is major. >> the cornrows are major. >> this is so extra for her. and i'm so here for it. >> oh, my. >> and that's a god with g-a-w-d. this is so cher, you guys. >> that hair can go horribly wrong, but it is horribly right. she is lit. >> she is a queen. >> naomi gives the most the most. >> wow, wow, wow, wow. >> she is going to serve it so hard. >> kim looks fanash, you guys, look at the bouty. this is going to stay with us forever. >> jimmy: yes, i'm sure we'll be talking about it on our
deathbeds. is it better to be major or extra? which is it? >> major. >> jimmy: major is better. people went all out. the aforementioned celine dion went as an emmy. katy perry wore the candelabra from beauty and the beast and a cheeseburger. but the real showstopper was cardi b, 5'3", pulling most of a bed bath and beyond. a lot of people were saying her dress looked like a comforter. it kind of does. it looks a lot like a big glob of catsup, doesn't it? who are you wearing? heinz. [ applause ] this is interesting. i learned this today. donald trump actually proposed
to melania at the met gala, for real. icken and he couldn't resi. today was a bigly day for melania. she celebrated the anniversary of her be best campaign. and it's going great. we've never been bester. melania trump running a campaign against bullying. is like camille cosby running a campaign against dramamine. senate majority leader, mitch mcconnell gave a speech in which he said the investigation is over and time to move on. case closed. and at the end of the speech, he shoved the last remaining copy of the mueller report in his mouth and it's gone. he said we need to stop relitigating two and a half year old election results and get back to making sure sick children don't get medical care. i tell you what.
i agree with him 100%. the white house instructed don mcgahn who provided robert mueller with a lot of the evidence not to comply with the subpoena from the house judiciary committee and are also refusing to release the president's tax returns and he doesn't want robert mueller to testify before congress because if he does, we might find out how completely exonerated he is. night two in federal prison for michael cohen, who's serving a three-year sentence along with some other notable inmates, including the guy who promoted the fyre festival. and also, yeah, he's in there, and the situation from "jersey shore" is in there. and it's said to be one of the cushiest prisons. we contact the warden, and joining us live via satellite from the otisville correctional facility where michael cohen is incarcerated, warden burt larson.
hello, mr. larson, and thank you for joining us here tonight. >> oh, hey, there jimmy. you caught me during happy hour. >> jimmy: you have happy hour at the prison? >> we sure as heck do. just because it's a prison doesn't mean it should feel like jail. >> jimmy: okay. i'm not sure i agree with that. wait, do the inmates partake in happy hour? >> oh, hell, yes. got to loosen them up for karaoke. you should hear mike when he gets going. >> jimmy: mike, who's mike? >> mike the situation. sitch. >> jimmy: oh, right, sure. >> when sitch number 5", you'd think we locked up lou vega.
thank you. >> jimmy: who is that? >> our sommelier. >> jimmy: you have a sommelier? >> too fruity. whose toilet was that from? wow. i'm sorry, jimmy, are we still on? >> jimmy: this seems more like a cruiseship than a prison. >> thank you. >> jimmy: what do you say to people who think these criminals have it a little too good in there? >> that is poppycock. you can't even get a half decent blooming onion in this place. between you and me, we watered down the hooch. >> jimmy: but i don't think even other prisons let them have hooch. >> maybe that's why other prisons only have four and a s. not now, i'll braid your hair after tennis. >> jimmy: these people committed serious crimes, and they're supposed to be punished, not rewarded. >> why don't you stop being such a pissy polly and join the fun.
come on, get busted for a little insider trading. you and i can get a couples massage together. >> jimmy: oh, i don't think so. >> well, suit yourself, mr. clean. ♪ : ohko much. what is that? >> they're playing my song, got to run. >> jimmy: thank you so much, warden. oh, look at that. it's a bunch of janitors. [cheers and applause] it's the warden from the prison. we were able to get him on television with us. isn't that something? usually wardens don't do interviews. why is he on? what's going on over there? today was national teacher appreciation day. oh, you didn't know? today's the day on which i guess we forget to give thanks to our nation's educators. and to honor teachers on this special day, we took a field trip to the farmer's market on fairfax where we ask kids to share one thing they learned this year, and this is what they told us.
>> so it's national teacher appreciation day. >> what does that mean? >> we're talking about the things teachers have taught us. can you tell us one thing you learned in school this year? >> i learned about bugs. >> we learned in math about quad -- i don't know how to say it. but we know that it's, it's a shape of four sides. >> can you tell us something you learned in school this year? >> uh, i learned numbers and letters. >> oh, yeah? which one's your favorite? >> numbers. >> tell me something you learned in school this year. >> i learned, i learned time. >> there's a clock right over there, do you see it right there? >> yes. >> can you tell me what time it is? >> it's 7:10. 7:11.
>> can you tell us something you learned in school this year? >> math class. >> what did you learn in math class? >> fractions. >> what did you learn about fractions? >> uh. that, ooh, i don't know. >> she teaches um, us how to read. >> uh-huh. do you like to read? >> no. >> do you have anything you want to say to one of your teachers? >> hi. by the way, you better not find out about the fudge incident. the fudge incident. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: this could be more serious than the fudge incident. this is why we need teachers.
according to a new report from the united nations, our planet is in worse shape than at any other time in human history. a million animal and plant species are on the verge of extinction, thanks to things like pollution and climate change. and yet our federal government, not only did they do nothing about it, they seem to like it. the secretary of state today, mike pompeo said melting sea ice presents new opportunities for trade. great. it will be very good for the kayak industry but everyone else is screwed. and the trump administration has done everything they can to do nothing about climate change. they just don't listen to scientists. a lot of people don't. not just when it comes to climate change. scientific fact is suddenly seen as a partisan scare tactic. and it endangers allf u on major celebrity is raising awareness. and what he has to say is important. so please listen. >> hi. i'm actor, director and two-time sexiest man alive, george clooney. science has given us
unprecedented knowledge of the natural world, from subatomic particles to the majesty of space. science enables us to cure diseases, communicate across great distances. even to fly. tragically, though, the volumes of invaluable knowledge gathered over centuries are now threatened by an epidemic of dumb [ bleep ] idiots saying dumb [ bleep ]. you know what this is? it's a snowball. it's very, very cold out. >> dumb [ bleep ] is very contagious. uneffecting the minds of even the most stable of geniuses. >> if you have a windmill anywhere near your house, they say the noise causes cancer, you tell me that one, okay? rrrrrr, rrrrrr. >> wow. as a result, rampant [ bleep ] threatens our planet and health and security. fortunately, there is hope. at united to defeat untruthful
misinformation and support science. udumass. your generous contribution will provide to [ bleep ] across the world. $20 will convince one [ bleep ] climate change is real. $50 will convince [ bleep ] to vaccinate their kids. and $200 will convince [ bleep ] that dinosaurs existed. but not at the same time as people. together, we can win the fight against dumb [ bleep ]ness. but we can't do it alone. call this number today. operators are standing by. don't be a [ bleep ] idiot. the world needs your support udumass. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, journal, on behalf of the whole planet. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from pink sweat$. dr. oz is here. and we'll be right back with george clooney. so stick around.
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♪ >> jimmy: tonight, he is the host of "the dr. oz show." this is not him. i jumped the gun on the album, but dr. oz is with us. then later, he is apple music's up next artist for the month of may. his ep is titled "volume 2." pink sweat$ from the mercedes-benz stage. i like that, a lot. tomorrow night, rebel wilson and kyle chandler will be with us and we'll have music from bruce hornsby and the noisemakers. and on thursday the cast of "spider-man far from home," tom holland, cobie smulders,
zendaya, jacob batalon and jake gyllenhaal. plus, music from vampire weekend. so please join us for that. not every young man gets to grow up to play batman, win oscars, run his own tequila company and become sexiest man alive. but we found one who did. he is a producer, director and star of a six episode adaptation of the classic "catch-22." it debuts on hulu one week from friday. please welcome, george clooney. [cheers and applause] ♪ [cheers and applause] >>imare yo >> good. very good. >> jimmy: guillermo's all loaded up on casa amigos in your honor. and happy birthday to you. yesterday was your birthday.
[cheers and applause] >> yeah, that was fun. >> jimmy: was it fun? because you have the little ones now. >> yeah, i turned 58. nothing's fun. you want to pass right through that. i had a good day, though. >> jimmy: what was your day like? >> i tell you an interesting thing. my wife and i had dinner, the two of us alone. which was nice, but my wife has been, for the last year, working literally every single day with a gentleman named steven adler who runs reuters and a brilliant lawyer named gayle to get and free the reuters journalist from myanmar, and a year of working on it, and last night they walked out of prison. >> jimmy: that's a good birthday present, wow. >> yeah. [ applause ] >> she was very happy. >> jimmy: i got nothing. on my birthday, we had a cake. you didn't get any presents or anything like that? >> i got some presents, yeah. >> jimmy: did you get good stuff
or? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't need anything. >> what are you going to get me? tequila? >> jimmy: got enough of that. >> i got you a coffee machine. >> jimmy: did the kids get you a token gift? i know they're a year and a half old. >> just poop. my daughter's sick, as happens apparently with children. i didn't know this. at 2:30 she woke us up on my birthday, 4:30 in the morning. so then we put her in the bed with us. you have to do it because she's crying and she's unhappy. and then she takes over the bed. and you know, you're doing that thing like there's the baby, and she spreads out, and you're literally laying like this on the bed, in the corner, hanging off. then i realize, that's no good. so i covered all around the bed with pillows. >> jimmy: in case she falls off. >> and i went and slept in nursery. >> jimmy: happy birthday to you.
>> thank you! welcome to 58. >> jimmy: isn't it wonderful that even you have to experience that. my son, and he came to my office today. he's 2 years old. he bit me, i'm not shirtless, he bit me right on the nipple. >> really? >> jimmy: and i mean, top teeth on the top nipple and dug right in. and i shrieked. it was the worst pain i've been through. >> imagine what molly's been through. >> jimmy: and you, if you ever get in your batman costume. >> with the size of those nipples? >> jimmy: you have two kids. one for each nipple. >> they'd be fed for a year. >> jimmy: you took your family to ireland over easter weekend. >> yes. >> jimmy: you have family there? >> i do have family. i'd never been to ireland. and my name is clooney, you'd think i should have gone there. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> and we planned to go with my mom and dad, because they know some of my irish relatives. we left in 1857. so most of the folks are dead, as you can imagine. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> so i didn't really know any of them. the plan was to go with my father. but he ended up having hernia surgery at 85 years old. the funniest part is he got a hernia because he does 300 situps a day. >> jimmy: for real? >> for real. he got a hernia from them. >> jimmy: he shouldn't be doing 300 situps a day. no one should do 300 situps a day. >> he does drink about a fifth of makers mark every day. in ireland that's called breaking even. >> jimmy: wow, that's unbelievable that he does that. is he okay now? >> he's fine, yeah. >> jimmy: so you went without him. >> we walk into this castle. and i thought, wow, the clooneys
are doing all right over here. and sort of spent the afternoon trying to understand what they were saying. and by the way, why do you make your voice that high when you do that? like the lucky charms? >> jimmy: the leprechaun. >> ooh, tie, tie, tie, tie. bad irish accent. >> jimmy: that's the reference that we go to. your relatives have a castle? >> no, it was a hotel. i was like whoa. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: was it weird? i mean, to have these people? i will say, my dad is connected with our irish family in ireland, and my dad's parents i. it seems kind of weird. they may be related, but they're still strangers. >> it was odd, but i have to say, there's this other part of you where you do feel this weird connection to and you can see some resemblance in the eyes and. >> jimmy: they're all handsome.
>> they all look like my son. >> jimmy: did you spend easter with the family there? >> we traveled with a whole crew of people and went to bono's house for easter, as you do. yeah, we try to, we try to only do easter with rock stars. >> jimmy: what is easter like at the easter bono's house? >> it's sad when you see a rocker hiding all the eggs. >> jimmy: did bono hide the eggs? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what a sport. >> he fills the eggs with guitar picks. >> jimmy: the kids love those. they go down a little hard. >> it was really a beautiful day. it was fun. and ireland is spectacular. >> jimmy: was there a ham at bono's? >> there was everything there. >> jimmy: easter thing, yeah. i wondered, i guess easter is one that they started doing before we did. >> yeah, they kind of own that holiday. but st. patrick's day, i think we started. >> jimmy: yeah, i think we
started and they're finally catching on that they can make a little money. >> they're not dying rivers green or anything. >> jimmy: give them time. >> they're like, what's wrong with you? >> jimmy: catch lucky. when we come back, we're going to see george's new show called "catch-22." george clooney is with us. >> dky: rtio of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by aarp. real possibilities. take on today and every day with aarp.
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>> captain suffered a serious -- what the hell is that? >> it's a soft tissue trauma to the scrotal sack. >> and? >> and i believe the captain should be sent home. >> it's that bad? >> he may never have children. >> you're saying he's had his balls blown off. >> approximately, sir. >> i want to see. >> excuse me, sir? >> i want to see. i want to understand this
infarction. drop your pants, soldier. >> i'm sure that's such a good idea, sir. he's very tender down there. >> i want to see. drop your pants, soldier. i'm counting two testicles down here, doc. >> jimmy: that's "catch-22", boy, that came out great. i watched it, and i think it's fantastic. >> it's my first over-the-balls shot i've had. >> jimmy: we had a similar experience. laurie, who was in the series with you, you examined my genitals. thank you for that. >> i've never gotten over that.
>> jimmy: it's funny. people say catch 22, and most people know what it means, but some don't know that it came from this book. >> when he was first writing it, it was catch 17. and then stalag came out, and catch 11 and oceans 11 came out. then he picked catch-22. and now that's phrase that everyone knows. >> jimmy: you can't imagine another number. >> catch 69. it's number. >> jimmy: that's another one of them. you shot in sardinia and rome. >> yes. >> jimmy: you were there the whole time? of course. >> we don't do it in siberia where somebody else can shoot it. >> jimmy: the kid, who's the star. what's his name? >> chris, chris abbott. >> jimmy: he was in "girls." did you ever see him in "girls"? >> no. >> jimmy: if you saw him in "girls", you wouldn't imagine him doing it. he's a douche bag.
with a capital d. >> well, he's not in real life. >> jimmy: it's a show. he's a character. >> it's all scripted. >> jimmy: fascinating how hollywood works. you are friendly with the royal couple. they just had the baby, harry and meghan. >> yes. >> jimmy: what are names. >> harry and meghan. >> jimmy: i have to go to my international expert. harry and meghan. they had the baby on your birthday. >> yeah, the kid stole my thunder. >> jimmy: you will be the godfather to the child. is that true? >> that would be a bad idea. >> jimmy: what would that -- >> i shouldn't be the god -- i'm the father of twins. i can barely do that. >> jimmy: so you're declining? if they ask you, you will say no? >> i'm not going to be the godfather. >> jimmy: are you sure?
>> i'm fairly sure. >> jimmy: if they ask you to be the godfather, you'll think about it? >> i should not be anyone's godfather. >> jimmy: do you get asked by people? >> everybody. i've had strangers. i think they just want, that i can take care of them. >> jimmy: the check, of course. >> i even had a best man request. >> jimmy: i can't think of a better best man than you. >> i've had literally, a guy who was an extra on a tv show go hey, i want you to be my best man. >> jimmy: do you say no? >> i've been creative about it. >> jimmy: how do you get out of it? >> i'm bad luck, man. i've been best man three times and they've all gotten divorced. >> jimmy: so you lie. >> i lie like a rug, man. >> jimmy: i had someone ask me to be best man and i didn't want to be best man. >> what did you do? >> jimmy: i thought about it for a minute. don't you have a brother? yes. aren't you close to your brother? yes. i said i don't have your home
phone number, and i don't think i should be the best man to anybody whose phone until i don't have. >> is that your policy? >> jimmy: we settled it right there. the show is fantastic. "catch-22" debuts a week from friday on hulu. george clooney did it, everybody. we'll be back with dr. oz. [cheers and applause] ♪ another wireless ad. great.
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>> jimmy: you look good. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: where does george clooney rank on your list of like tv doctors. do you evaluate them as a real tv doctor? >> he's at the top, and i'll tell you why. >> jimmy: oh? >> my roommate from college, when he finished school went out to hollywood. before that, he went and visited me in the emergency room. he found this old script that michael crichton had written and said this looks so real. it's just what we went through when i was watching in the er. and that show became "e.r." >> jimmy: he found the script? >> it's a crazy story, but it's totally true. i kept thinking dr. rosh would be dr. oz. >> jimmy: you would have had to change your name. do you watch movies and television shows, what is something they do wrong as far as being a real, when you look at it you go oh, that's not how it really goes. >> you know how they put the needle in the heart, in the last ditch effort to save them?
>> jimmy: yes. >> please don't do that. >> jimmy: and they put the adrenaline in. >> it never works. and if it does work, now you have a second problem because you have a hole in the heart from the needle. so you sort of hope it doesn't work. >> jimmy: it always seems like they're being stabbed to death. they suddenly come back to life. >> it's not one of our top tier solutions. >> jimmy: see, we're learning stuff already. that's why i like having you here. it's so fascinating. should people have their children vaccinated? >> definitely yes. >> jimmy: definitely yes. what is going on nowadays? [ applause ] i know people who appear to be reasonable people who are now questioning whether or not they should vaccinate their kids. >> i think a lot of people don't like being treated like chattel. they don't like it when they're ordered around. it's their kids, no one cares about your kids more than you. and so you're scared. everybody's saying vaccinate, vaccinate, you are stupid if you don't vaccinate.
i think every pediatrician should have a board on why you should not vaccinate your kid and then why that's not true. take measles. before we eradicated, i use that word because that's what we thought. there were millions of cases in the united states, hundreds of people died every year. >> jimmy: the measles, why do we call it "the" measles. >> doctors aren't very creative. >> jimmy: it's like chickenpox. it's one of those things that we've not seen in our lifetimes until recently. >> encephalitis, a brain infection. it's a bad player. hundreds of people dying every year. here's question. i understand you have fears about vaccines. and god knows, you give enough people, they're going to have complications. the risks of giving your child a vaccine outweigh the benefit of eradicating a disease like the measles.
instead of beating them over the head, just look at the numbers, do it for yourself. and i think most people who love their kids dearly will recognize it's smart to get the kids vaccinated. >> jimmy: so you say yes to vaccinations, no to bacon. >> no to bacon. are you vaccinated? >> jimmy: of course, i got vaccinated when i was a baby. >> no, for your kids. >> jimmy: of course we vaccinated the kids. and i did it the hard way. >> through the heart. >> jimmy: in a very dramatic way. i'm on tv. you have to do that kind of thing. >> people have to pay attention. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. keep doing what you're doing. obviously it's important, this stuff. dr. oz is the reason i decided to lose weight. he called me on the phone and said hey, you're fat. and i said what kind of a phone call is this to make to another human being, but it's true, and now i try to watch my weight. >> you're a poster child. >> jimmy: thank you. >> for super heroes. i'm very proud. people always comment about how
you fixed your health. and look at you, my goodness, if jimmy kimmel can do it, anyone can do it. we should all be able to. >> jimmy: yes, yes, that's true. >> let me ask you a question. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> we talked a lot about home remedies. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> i find out there's these questions, medical marijuana is becoming more mainstream, and it's always bothered me when law enforcement interfere with doctors ability to take care of patients. what do you think about, think about magic mushrooms and all these things? >> jimmy: i'm interested. michael pollen wrote a book about micro dosing. i've never tried anything like that, i've never tried any kind of hard drug of any kind. but the idea of -- what do you think? i guess it doesn't matter what i think, what do you think of it? have you done mushrooms, dr. oz? [ applause ] >> in lieu of the bacon, i have regular mushrooms. i have not done magic mushrooms. when you find solutions that have been out there in our
have been. medical marijuana has also been used for therapeutic purposes. bill wilson started aa. g and aa, one of the best programs to get people off of addictions, he had an ecstatic experience, probably induced by a hallucinogen where he realized there was something bigger than drinking. that's one of the reasons he started aa. he tried to get lsd introduced into the aa program. >> jimmy: really? >> yes, in the '40s and '50s. until the '60s we were researching this stuff. we thought it worked. it seemed to work for post traumatic stress disorder and cigarette addiction. and in the '60s, we thought it was a hippie thing. and we put moral values on it and knocked it out. but we lost a lot of time. thankfully, medicine's moving back, but i don't know if the country understands how powerful this is. if you could use a drug, and this has been done now, that could stop you smoking cigarettes or being an
alcoholic, working 80% of the time initially. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we ought to explore how that's possible. >> jimmy: let's you and i do some mushrooms. >> i'm in. >> jimmy: we'll videotape it and see what happens. do you have a guy? i don't know where i would get mushrooms. >> it would have to be medically run -- yes, i have a guy. >> jimmy: good. >> this is done by a doctor. in a doctor's office. >> jimmy: we're going to coachella and we're going to do mushrooms. >> jimmy: dr. mehmet oz! "dr. oz" airs weekdays in syndication. and we'll return with music from pink sweat$. ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
so, maybor, is it?ric ca isn't ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank george clooney, dr. oz and fred willard. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. but first, this is his ep. it's called "volume 2." pink sweat$! ♪
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, ♪ she said baby i'm afraid to fall in love cause what if ♪ ♪ it's not reciprocated i told her don't rush girl don't you rush ♪ ♪ guess it's all a game of patience she said what if i dive deep ♪ ♪ will you come in after me would you share your flaws with me let me know ♪ ♪ i told her thinking is all wrong love will happen when it wants ♪ ♪ i know it hurts sometimes but don't let it go cause i want you
i want you ♪ ♪ i want i want you cause i want you i want you ♪ ♪ i want i want you she said what if i tell you ♪ ♪ all the things i've done would you run away from me i told her baby we all got ♪ ♪ bags full of that we don't want but i can't unpack it for you baby ♪ ♪ she said what if i dive deep will you come in after me would you share ♪ ♪ your flaws with me let me know
this is "nightline." tonight, one on one. the radio legend laying it bare. >> i never was in love with myself. >> howard stern opening up to george stephanopoulos about how he's changed his ways. regrets about past behavior. his new book a collection of his most memorable interviews, including then private citizen donald tru se wayyou helped mak? plus turn around. the interview with actor robin williams that howard stern calls his worst to date. >> it was insulting to him. but all i cared about was being the man. >> the mistakes he made and apology that came too late.