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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  February 22, 2016 10:35pm-11:37pm CST

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they are using a a new codede system to offer a tour for most of the items on display. >> this app is compatible >> jon: stephen cocoert! ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! thank you, joe! thank you, john! thank you, mark! (cheers and applause)
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(cheers and applause) welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert. (cheers and applause) well, there are some big science stories in the news right now. this has been the hottest winter on record. scientists have discovered gravitationanawaves. but tonight i want to talklkbout more important story: horses can read our minds. (laughter) don't panic. they'll know. a new study from the university of sussex found that horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial expressions. yet another r ason you should never play poker with a hohoe. (laughter) they never pitch in for the pizza. i won't have it. you know what this means? those central park carriage horses know when i'm depressed -- usually because i'm looking at central park carriage horses. now, this shouldn't have come as a surprise to me. i rode horses when i was a aid,
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skittish around the horse. he can sense it. just try and relax. and erase from your mind the fact that you're standing next to a 2,000 pound creature that will trample your bones at the first sign of weakness." (laughter) the takeaway here is we finally know why cowboys always rididoff alone on horseback. they can share things with their horses they could never tell the other cowboys. (laughter) (cheers and applause) oh, horsey. you're the only one who gets me. the girls at the saloon aren't paying attention to me anymore. i'm fat. don't lie to me. i know i am. i can tell your back hurts when i'm riding you. i never know how to say it -- is it "lasso" or "lassoo?" so i just say "rope circle." why do i go on all these long
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what am i runnin' away from? how are you doing over there? (laughter) >> good, good. >> stephen: you doing good? (laughter) this is meredith, everybody. say hi to meredith. you all right? (cheers and applause) >> it's very light. it's just a head. >> stephen: okay, good. yeah. >> stephen: i think we might be done. >> okay. >> stephen: could you leave as a horse, please? (cheers s d applause) >> stephen: i'm so sorry. well, you don't have to be a horse to recognize how excited i am about tonight's show. my first guest is the star of the new movie "triple 9," casey
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(cheers s d applause) then, i'll sit down with hollywood legend and living ball of anger, richard dreyfuss. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) fantastic. fantastic. plus, we'll be visited by the legendary mavis staples. (cheers and applause) and you all are very lucky, because she's going to sing a song. (cheers and applause) oh! that right there is jon batiste and stay human. they're about to crank it up and rip off the knob, but before they do, one more thing: a professional w wstler proposed to his girlfriend in the middle of a m mch. i don't have the heart to tell her it's all fake. ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> announcer: tonight... stephen welcomes casey affleck.
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and music legend mavis staples! featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! >> announcer: and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hello. there you go! (cheers and applause) whoo! (cheers and applause) thank you, everybody!
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i don't know if you guys follow the news or watch what's happening in the world, but it was a big weekend in who won? who lost? this is the road to the white house. >> the american dream is dead. >> stephen: on saturday, democrats caucused in nevada and in nevahda, which i've recently learned is the same state. and once the votes were counted in nevada, many were asking could hillary clinton recover from such a debilitating victory. >> hillary clinton held on to a thin margin in nevada against bernie sanders. >> hillary clinton barely beats bernie sanders in nevada. >> it was a very tough win for her. >> stephen: yeah. tough win! don't know how many more humiliating wins she can take. when she announced, hillary
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she's still not presiden what a let down. of course, for bernie this was a triumphant defeat. as he wrote his supporters, he leaves nevada, "with roughly the same number ofofelegates as hihiary clinton." yes, just like the super bowl, where the carolina panthers left with "roughly" the same number of points as denver. (cheers and applause) also on saturday, the republicans held "their" nevada primary in south carolina. i didn't see that coming. donald trump was declared the state's big winner by himself weeks ago, and the voters said, "yeah! okay! that sounds good." but that was just the "electoral" victory. many in the media see a different winner. >> florida senator marco rubio collected his best finish so far, second-place finishshn sosoh carolina. >> surging to second place, marco rubio riding the
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nikki haley. >> ted cruz says the south carolina race was really a tie for him and marco rubio. >> stephen: yes, marco rubio and ted cruz also came out on top. this primary had more winners than a little league awards banquet. that's right, jeremy, you win "coolest n nkname for your bat!" congratulations to you and wooden thunder! of course, of all the winners, possibly the biggest winner was the man who won, donald trump. so now the obvious question is will he ever not win? >> the big question on everyone's mind is trump unstoppable? >> now the inevitable g.o.p. nominee? >> what he has right now appears to be unstoppable. >> stephen: yes, trump is unstoppable. he's like godzilla with less foreign policy experience.
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(applause) and i'll admit, i thought he was just doing this to promote his reality show or sell more steaks. when he announced his intention to be president, it never ococrred to me that his s d game was to "be" president. but it's time to end the denial. we as a nation must prepare for the very strong possibility of president donald j... (applause) i think i just trumped in my mouth a little. and i'm not the only one having to get used to the idea. here's what he said when asked if he thought he could be "presidential." >> i mean, i can act as presidential as anybody that's ever been president other than the great abraham lincoln. i thought he was pretty hard to beat.
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just being humble. he's got a lot in common with lincoln. i'm sure if he's elected, half the country will want to secede too. (applause) and this weekend proved once again that the primaries are a gladiatorial death-match between warring tribes, cheered on by those of us in the bloodthirsty media who feed on their pain. it's like the hunger games. no, it's worse than that. it's... the hungry for power games! (sheers and applause) welcome to the hungry for power games! tributes, assemble! oh, my... they're dwindling. now there are just hillary clinton and the seven dwarves,
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and doc. beuse over the weekend, we lost the biggest dwarf of all: jeb! jeb! jeb! oh, that's the last time we'll hear his mournful mating cry, jeb, jeb. jeb, jeb. (laughter) no one answered his mating cry! on saturday, jeb finished a distant fourth in south carolina and, as he left, john ellis bush, a man named after his own monogrammed towels, described the race with an appropriate metaphor. >> tonight, i am suspending my campaign. i congratutute my competitors who are remaining on the island.
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this election is like "survivor"! but sadly, jeb did not run an "amazing race." he just didn't have that "xfactor," and nothing short of an "extreme makeover" could make voters forget his "big brother." (cheers and applause) and it all began so promisingly for this career tribute, trained since birth to fight for capitol city. he had all the advantages of name recognition. but was saddled with the burden of name recognition. in an election where republican voters cheered talk of mexican walls, this is how jeb announced he was in -- (speaking spanish) >> stephen: and... he's out. (applause) how do you say "hasta la vista" in espanol? tribute jeb distinguished
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a moderate effort, saying early on that a republican centrist must be willing to "lose the primary to win the general." congratulations! you're halfway there! (applause) this must also be a blow to tribute jeb's sponsors in the capitol, who gave him $150 million! meaning his campaign cost as much as "inception," only the ending of jeb's campaign makes sense. but i will always respect tribute jeb -- for even as his campaign collapsed around him, he never lost his dignity. >> i think the next president needs to be a lot quieter but send a signal that we're prepared to act in the national security interests of this country, to get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world... please clap. (applause)
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clap" and they did! if only he'd said "please vote for me." and i will also respect him for trudging on despite sinking poll numbers, dubbing himself "the joyful tortoise" and handing out toy turtles to anyone who would take them. but now the turtle is dead. he's joyful no more! what does one do with a dead tortoise? (laughter) (flushing sound) bye bye! (cheers and applause)
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now, let us bid farewell to the fallen. (cannon fire) farewell, gentle jeb. your dynasty has been forever put to rest. now, the most powerful bush is a tie between your cousin billy and that baked beans dog. please clap! (cheers and applause) we'll be right back with casey
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so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me.
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(band playing) >> stephen: welcome back. my first guest has starred in "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford" you canow see him in "triple 9". please welcome casey affleck.
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(cheers and applause) >> howre ya?? >> stephen: doing well. >> well, yeah. >> stephen: thanks for dressing up! i can't tell if this choice is the least celebrity thing to do or the most celebrity thing to do because it's very casual. >> thank you. >> stephen: yeah. >> stephen: thank you. i'm not saying you don't look good. >> yeah. >> stephen: no, i'm not saying that at all. >> you're rude. >> stephen: not at all. a little bit. >> stephen: not at all. (laughter) >> what do you mean? >> stephen: not at all. it's just playful ribbing. >> is this mine? >> stephen: let's find out. (laughter) >> okay, it's mine. >> stephen: you can have that. want some? thirsty? it's just water. >> that's all right. >> stephen: it just water.
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you look like when you're younger and they give you like the little -- it's just water. did you want something better than water? >> no, that's all right. how long are we going to talk aboutt this? >> stephen: till i get to myy joke. >> does it always take this long? >> stephen: it's not a joke. you look ike a street corner jesus. (applause) you do. the movie. "triple 9". >> terrific picture. >> stephen: you're terrific in it. >> thank you. >> stephen: you're welcome. you're suddenly doing so well. >> stephen: i don't understand. we should probably end up fighting at the end. like bare-knuckle boxing. youi don't want to do that. >>.>> stephen: you have a lot of brothersnd sisters. >> no. do you want to figh >> steen: feels like this is where it's going. >> no.
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glasses, so you couldn't possibly throw a punch at me. (laughter) i've enjoyed the movie very much. i only saw 1 hour and 10 minutes of it but i -- because i had to help my son with a science project.t. true story. (laughtete you're doing a great job in this. i hope your character ends up okay in the end. you're the good guy in this movie. >> yeah. there are a lot of bad guys. >> stephen: yes. a very formidable cast of bad characters. >> stephen: played by very formidable actors. >> yes, superheros. we had real superheroes, and a tough guy who was once a slave, norman kills a lot of zombies in the "walking dead." aaron paul because drug dealer for a long time. all these guys and i'm the one good guy. >> stephen: and woody harrelson. >> who's insane.
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>> stephen: that cannot be easy. i think she's from new zealand, actually. >> well, all right. (laughter) >> stephen: who can tell? who can tell? >> swine?true. >> stephen: not american, who cares, right? we have a clip of you and anthony mackey. >> okay. >> stephen: want to say something before the clip? >> no. >> stephen: i won't stop you. good. >> stephen: (laughter) >> stephen: we have a clip. he's not digging you. >> allllight. different. this ain't buckhead, all right? so you better learn fast. something, you got a problem with me, put it on the table but don't pull me aside and we me don't know. you bow up in front ofhe whole neighborhood likik that, yoore do. you get off my back and let me do my job. >> stephen: you know whole
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unlock the door, stupid. (cheers and applause) >> lovely crcrd. >> stephen: : d you do the classic ride a ang or anything like that with cops? it was in atlanta. did you ride along with the cops in atlanta? >> yeah, they were fantastic. they were really nice. what a hard job. >> stephen: was it scary? i would be scared to go out with cops. >> you should be. it was scary. they go f fom, like, eight hours of teed yum to suddenly being in a scary and stressful situation. so there are big spikes of stress and it's hard to go home at night for these guys and it was for me but i didn'n' do anything but a aouple of traffic stops, thinking about the tickets. >> stephen: really?
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>> stephen: you have a lot of gun fights in this. >> mostly i do that at home with my kids and the nerf. i've done a lot of gun training. >> stephen: do you help them clean up the n nfarts? >> the loserleans up. >> stephen: that's exactly right. and you say "you're a loser." (laughter) great father. what a wonderful father. >> i do science experiments, too, you know. >> stephen: you do? i want to hear about it. stick around, we have to do the thing then more to have the thing. >> all right. >> stephen: right back with more casey affleck. (band playg)anhep you need, helping you fall asleep and stay asleep so your body can heal as you rest. advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. alalght, what do you think boys? we could do tacos. we could do some thai. ooo... how 'bout sushi, eh? [weird dog moan/squeak]
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(band playing) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, everybody! we're back with casey affleck here. we buried the hatchet during the break and we're all friends now. >> yeah.
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befo the break you do science experiments with your kids. >> yeah. >> stephen: what kinds of things do you like to do? >> oh, lots of things. >> stephen: okay. (laughter) like the soda water and vinegar volcano or take a wrapper from gum and stick it in the light socket? >> no. >> stephen: it makes the neighborhood spark! >> my kids are very bright.. we senenup a few high def cameras to the international space station. that's what my kids did for the science picture. they're always circling the globe. you can see it online. it's amazing. (laughter) i don't know, what do you expect me to do? >> stephph: he flew the rocket that brought youou kid's science experiment up there. (laughter) you actually studied science when at columbia. university? that's a smart place to go. >> yeah, it is.
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in every science class i had so i pulledhe cord. >> stephph: you b bely eeked in. >> yes. >> stephen: did you have a signs plan when you went to college? >> i thought it was just what interested me and then i started doing it and it trtd me less every time i was the last person to figure something out. >> stephen: uh-huh. but i do love that stuff and i know you do a little bit. >> stephen: i do.o. i actually looked through yourr kids cameras up in the international space station a lot. actually, on my desktop, i know my producer told you about this, one of the things i like -- let me put this up here, jim -- i like to have the live feet from the international space station right now. that's a live feed right n n. >> can you zoom in and google us? can you find us? >> steph: i have to call houston to make that happen. >> you know the google earth thing? >> stephen: i know the google earth thing, yeah. >> i put my address in there and i went in and there i was sitting in my car out in front
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>> stephen: bull (bleep). can't say that. don't (bleep) it. (applause) >> stephen: how do you know? >> no. >> stephen: oh, street view. i was sitting there and streetview and there it was. >> stephen: google was stalking you. >> yeah, i didn't like it. it was great at first. then i thought, like, i don't know whahai thought, i didn't like it. >> steph: you know cameras are pointed at you a lot. are you not comfortable with -- (laughter) we're on camera right now. are you, like, reluctant to be in the public eye because part of your job, i suppose, being a movie star, is having people pointing cameras at you. like, please let me do my job and i don't want@the rest of it? >> if you say you're an actor and you're camera shy, there is something a little bit false about that. but everyone these days is in the public eye. everyone is documented and online for anyone to see.
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media, facebook? >> stephen: i don't. i don't do any of that stuff. (laughter) >> would you friend me? you, yeah. are you on facebook? >> no. (laughter) >> stephen: well, then what do yoyo mean, casey? (laughter) this is all so sudden. >> what happened to it? >> stephen: it just zoomed in. (bleep). (applause) >> stephen: your character in this, thisis cop in "triple 9", has moral compass. do you have a moral compass? are you a moral person? >> i am. i have a moral compass, i guess. it's a bit like -- you remember the edge with anthony hopkins? >> stephen: yeah. they crash alane in the wildernessssnd he has to t t to
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to make a compass because he was very careful. he would take a leaf, magnetize it and put it in water and it would turn north, but it's a lot of work. i feel every day i have to magnetize a leaf and figure it out and then i've got to know, okay, all right, that's thehe right thing to do. >> stephen: you know who would say that? a street corner jesus. (cheers and applause) "triple 9" is in theaters this friday! casey affleck, everybody! we'll be right back! (cheers and applause) (band playing) s sleek design... is mold-breaking.its intelligent drive systems... paradigm-shifting. its technology-filled cabin...jaw-dropping. its performance...breathtaking. its self-parking...and self-braking...show-stopping. the all-new glc.
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(band playing) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest is an old friend. she's here with a new album and an hbo documentary on her remarkable career called, my next guest, please welcome richard dreyfuss! thank you for being here! good to see you! (cheers and applause) >> stephen::ou're obviously a beloved actor, one with a fine body of work out there. i am an icon of the culture. >> stephen: you are. you absolutely are. but you do not rest on your laurels or just some sort of wall flower, you also are politically active and caree
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you have something called the dreyfus sievings initiative. what is that and why? >> why is because people don't learn it anymore, they don't teach it anywhere. >> stephen: what don't they teach? >> that we were the cause of the greatest political revolution in the history of mankind andhat wewe were -- (cheering) >> stephen: in america, specifically, in our deocracy. >> yeah. and we came along and we said, if you can get here, if you can manage to make the journey to get here, you can have freedom of worship, freedom of thought, freedom of sppeech, you can have mobility of mind and intellectual excellence, you can have the idea that you can move wherever you want without asking permission, and you can start any endeavor you want and keep the reward. >tephen: you don't think we know that? we know that. americans are all, like, i get
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>> stephen: we know we get ghetto do what we want, richard dreyfuss. >> what they don't know is how short a time that's been a reality. >> stephen: how much longer do you think it's going to last? >> i don't think it's going to make it through this century, actually, and i think you've all got something to worry about. >> stephen: are you being serious? >> yeah. >> stephen: you have no hope? i have little hope or, as my wife has taught me, hope is for losers. my wife has actually told me that, and she's from russia, and she ought to know. >> stephen: i believe hope is for losers is on the russian flag. >> yes. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: forgettg our civic duty is one thingng and forgetting o o responsibili to be engaged in what the future of our country is, how do you feel
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who fool us and take our money by making us trust economic engines that perhaps do not serve us. >> i think what donald t tmp has done this year has inadvertently exposed one of the great flaws of the constitution. >> stephen: that he's allowed to run for president? (cheers and applause) >> yep. >> steen: you played madoff. i did. >> stephen: you think after playing madoff you could pull off the same kind of con he did? because you're probably a better actor than he is and now you know what the secret is. could you take us for a couplpl of bills? say by starting a civics initiative and asking for donations? (laughter) >> no, it could be being a movie star and being paid movie star wages. that's a big con.
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nice work if you can get it richard, thank you for being here and telling us about our civic treasure we have in america. >> you're not kidding. if you don't watch out your kids will turn to you and say why did you abandon us like this? because if you look at what they're learning in public school, you will be appalled and agast. they're not learning anything of any substance. they don't know who they were, who they might be and certainly don't know who they are. we are the people who created sovereignty amongst the people and our politicians don't -- we don't work for them, they work for us. and we watch america like we're passing a car accident as opposed to beingarticipants
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we don't do th. we're aphrase frayed of exercising any kind -- we're afraid of exercising any kind of thunderstorm being on this show is a great privilege and moment which is why i'm being rude and taking advantage of it. >tephen: not asude as i'm going to be when i edit it. (cheers and applause) you can find out more about the dreyfus civics initiative! richard dreyfuss, everybody! we'll be right bacack! (b(bd playing) (cheers and applause) so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough?
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you're gonna want someone like me. but only if you have a brain. we brought you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. remindme a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. sjri, open maps. she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. hi, i'm captain obvious. when i heard there was a race for president i decided to run.
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so follow me on "captainobviousruns forpresident.com" or don't. we live in a democracy. supported by hotels.com hi, i'd liketo make a dep-- scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. vo: it happens so often you almost get used to it. phone voice: main menuurepresentative. representative. representative. voz which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to. join the nation. nationwide is on your side
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(band playing) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is an old friend. she's here with a new album and an hbo documentary on her markable career callll, "mavisis >> people are always asking me when am i going to retire? i don't care to retire. >> how are you doing? good, how are you? thank you. i have been on the road for over 60 years. i'll stop singing when i have nothing left to say and, you know, that ain't gonna happen. >> stephen: please welcome the one, the only, the great mavis
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(cheers and applause) >> stephen: i love you, too! please have a seat! >> whoa! >> stephen: it's always so nice to see you! >> it's susu a pleasure. >> stephen: you are such a bundle o o joy. you bring so much happiness to people. not just by your sing but just by yourself. what do you think that happiness comes from? >> it's just in me. just the joy in me. i never let it go. >> stephen: for the people who may not know everything about your career, you started off as one of the staplpl singers. >> yes. >> stephen: and your family and you guys used to open for dr. king, right? >> we did. >> stephen: what was that like? >> it was great. we traveled with dr. king for years. we would sing before he would speak. >> stephen: really?
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out to be his favorite. >> stephen: what was that? "why am i treated so bad," and pops wrote that song for the "little rock nine." there were nine black children in little rock trying to integrate central high school, and pops would watatch these kids, my age -- i was in high school at the time -- and they would walk every morning proud, heads high, haveheir books and they would walk into a mob of people, you know, throwing rocks at them, spat upon, calling them names, but they keep on walking. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: how old were you when you first started to sing? >> i was eight years old. >> stephen: eight years old? mm-hmm. >> stephen: do you remember the first song that you learned? >> yes. >> stephen: what was it? whoa, they tell me
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where no storm cloud rise "uncloudy day." >> stephen: wow. (cheers and applause) i thoht it was going to be something. you started out pretty advance. >> yes, i did. i skipped ahead. (laughter) that was the very first song that my family sang. >> stephen: oh, okay. my father taught us as a group. but my very first song is a turkey is a funny bird wobble,obble, wobble (laughter) >> stephen: that's more my speed. and all he knows is just one word gobble, gobble, gobble >> stephen: could have been a hit! (applause) you moved from gospel to soul, eventually. what is the difference between gospel and soul?
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about the way you sang to go from one to the next? >> we didn't switch. what happened was, my sisters and my brother sang with my father for years wi just pops' gi star. when we went to stacks records, somebody had the idea to put a rhythm section behind us. when we recorded "i'll take you there," t tat beat -- and everyone would hit the floor, even the church people. church people hit the floor. (laughter) so they started saying, them staple singers, they singing the devil's music. (laughter) i did so many interviews, i had to let people know that the devil ain't got no music. the devil ain'tot no music. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: now, you've got a
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>> stephen: onhe album,m, u're working with my friend jon over here on one of the songs. what's he like to work with? >> oh, he's beautiful! he didn't give no prubl. >> stephen: no trouble at all! (laughter) >> he told me, mavis,owever you want to sing it, sing it. he wrote a beautiful song, it's called "tomorrow." tomorrow is another day. you know,. i've got something that i really want to say sometimes things just won't go your way d d't give up tomorrow is another day >> stephen: we'll be right back with a performance by mavis staples, premiering on hbo february 29. performance, y'all! we'll be right back!
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>> stephen: now from the album "living on a high note," performing "tatae us back, ladieses andentlemen, mavis staples (cers and applause) >> sometimes life can get ya in a hurry but i'm just gonna take it slow now that don't meanan ain't been working now i'm working on me, baby i'm working on me, darling i'm taking some time to see the people that keep me going sometimes folks can lead ya down a bad line now i'm not sayayg that i'm judging now i'm just gonna tell them what i tell em now i got friends
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i got family i got i got help from all the people who love me i got friends and i got i got family i got i got help from all the people who love me sometimes people try to, take all they can from you but they don't call me bubbles for nothing now if people asked then pops would tell them how she gets it from me, baby she gets it from me, darling chicago wasn't always easy but love made the windy city breezy i got friends and i got i got family i got
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all the people who love me i got friends and i got i got family i got i got help from all the people who love me mavis take us back, mavis take us back mavis take us back, mavis take us back mavis take us back, mavis take us back mavis take us back, mavis take us back mavis take us back, i got friends
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i got friends and i got i got family i got i got help from all the people who love me i got friends and i got i got family i got i got help from all the people who love me (cheers and applause) >> stephen: her album, "livin' on a high note," is out now! mavis staples, everybody!
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(cheers and applause)o@ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: that's it for the late show. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be debra messing, zachary quinto, and a musical performance by violent femmes. now stick around for james corden. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> reggie: are you ready to have some fun

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