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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  May 10, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- cameron diaz and leslie mann. ronan farrow.
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comedian gary gulman. featuring the 8g band [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing? okay? all right. well, i don't know if everyone here knew this, but today is "take your child to work" day. or as kids refer to it, "play with an ipad in a corner" day. [ laughter ] that's right. today was "take your child to work" day. meanwhile, in china, interesting -- today is "put your child to work" day. [ laughter and applause ] they don't need a day for it. i don't know why they have -- a
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specific day for that. chicago mayor rahm emanuel announced plans to build the "barack obama college preparatory high school" which will open in 2017. the obama school is expected to be very popular. at first. [ laughter ] and then who knows? [ cheers and applause ] this is a little weird. this next story is a little weird. a tennessee man was arrested yesterday after he broke into the national civil rights museum and slept in one of the beds. said the man afterwards, "i had a dream. [ laughter and applause ] "it was water skiing, it was like at my high school but it wasn't really -- my high school. it was just like a regular dream. it wasn't like a good speech dream. it was boring. i don't know why i'm telling you about it."
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i don't understand this story at all. oklahoma city police are reporting that teens are getting high by applying burt's bees lip balm on their eyelids, calling it "beezin'." and it's easy to spot those teens because their lips are incredibly chapped. [ laughter and applause ] just a bunch of -- super-high chapped lipped teens. i love this. this week, several new yorkers were tricked into thinking richard gere was a homeless man -- while he wandered through grand central in costume for a new movie. in fact, the costume was so convincing that many people mistook him for joaquin phoenix. [ laughter ] that's a very good costume. this is interesting. germany has a new app called "pepper" that shows clients where to find prostitutes in their area.
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all you do is tap the app, and it takes you right to craigslist. [ laughter ] i love this story. a summer -- this summer, a resort in pennsylvania -- a new resort in pennsylvania will be hosting a "bare beach beer bash." a beer festival where nudity is mandatory. luckily, thanks to all the beer guts, you still won't see anyone's genitals -- [ applause ] so don't worry. maybe just like a little part of them, but definitely -- not the majority of the genitals. this is unbelievable. two colorado fourth graders, fourth graders were suspended after they were caught selling marijuana at school. the fourth graders gave themselves away by eating all of their vegetables. [ laughter ] very suspicious when a fourth grader does that. this is not, a man in
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washington d.c. allegedly pulled a machete on someone who was bitten by his chihuahua. and it shouldn't be hard to find him since he's the only man on earth who owns a machete and a chihuahua. [ laughter and applause ] very interesting. very interesting news. mcdonald's has given their clown mascot ronald mcdonald a makeover, trading in his jumpsuit for cropped pants and a blazer. said the new mascot, "hey, call me ron. got a new blazer. loving it." [ laughter ] "used to be a creepy clown in a jump suit. now i'm a cool, creepy clown in a blazer. things are looking up." that's right. ronald mcdonald is trading in his jumpsuit for cropped pants and a blazer -- while mcdonald's customers are trading in their sweatpants for bigger sweatpants. [ applause ]
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and finally, facebook has acquired a new mobile app that would allow users to track their exercise and measure how many calories they've burned. so if you love facebook and you love exercise, you're lying about one of those things. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how we doing, 8g band? everybody good over there? i love it. the 8g band. eleanor friedberger, you've been with us all week. thank you so much for being here. it's been great having you. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i've had a lot of fun. thank you. >> seth: fred has been on the road this week, and i've sort of been pointing out that through some, like, pretty bad cell phone connections and some very sparsely worded e-mails, i have taken the assumption that fred had joined a cult.
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[ light laughter ] he contacted me last night. he wanted to clarify and by all means, i want to get this right because fred, more than anyone, believes in truth. fred explained to me that he has started a cult. [ laughter ] so i apol -- all apologies for ever having implied that he had done something as silly as join one. i went and saw a show on broadway last night because daniel radcliffe is going to be here on monday. i love daniel radcliffe. he is -- [ applause ] such a lovely guy. and he's in this incredible play called "the cripple of inishmaan." and it is -- i just highly recommend anybody in new york who wants to see a great play, it was wonderful. it's both sad and incredibly funny. it's written by martin mcdonagh, who is a great playwright who also wrote and directed the film "in bruges." we've discussed -- i don't know if anyone has seen the film "in bruges." if you haven't seen it -- you hate -- [ applause ] yeah. if you haven't seen it, you hate enjoying things, because it's -- [ laughter ] one of my favorite movies and we've talked about this. we're going to do an "in bruges" week on "late night."
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i have very few commitments. ralph fiennes was on the show. i asked him if he'd do it. he gave a loose commitment. i have talked to no one else. but i feel like, hopefully, maybe right now martin mcdonagh is watching. or maybe he'll watch monday when daniel radcliffe is on and i hopefully have taken another baby step closer to a destination that is very far away. [ laughter ] after the show, with someone like daniel radcliffe, when he does a show on broadway, there's so many people outside the theater waiting to get his autograph. that happens to me -- very rarely. daniel radcliffe's, like, up here, and then i'm somewhere below the desk. i would show you but you couldn't see may hand. but i will say it happens sometimes, and the other day, i was walking out of 30 rock. i was walking out of this building -- and there are people that will wait outside for autographs and you can tell the difference. you can tell the difference between someone who is a huge fan and wants your autograph for that reason, or someone who just gets autographs from people for the purposes of selling them. and the way you can tell
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difference is how specific people are about you and your show. so i walked out, and i got the sense that this guy was not a super fan. he said can because he said, "can i get your autograph?" and i said, "sure." and as i was signing it, he said, "i love the show." and i said, "what's your favorite part?" and he went, "i love that you have guests." [ laughter ] which i would love. i'd love to take credit for that -- as an awesome thing we came up with. but we didn't. and then he asked for another one and as i was doing that, he could've just let it lie. i knew now who he was, but i feel like he tried to win me back by going, like, "no, i know a lot about you." and he said, "how -- how has it been working for nbc so far?" to which i said, "oh, i don't want to rush to judgment. i've only been working for them for 13 years." [ laughter ] so i think that guy was a guy who was lying to me, and i think
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he was only doing that to get my autograph to sell them. but guess what? the joke's on him because nobody wants to buy my autograph. [ laughter and applause ] we've got a great show for you tonight. from the new movie, "the other woman", cameron diaz and leslie mann are here. [ cheers and applause ] two wonderful women that i enjoy a great deal. and also stopping by from msnbc, ronan farrow. [ cheers and applause ] such an impressive, such a nice guy. and we will have stand-up from the very funny gary gulman. [ cheers and applause ] now, obviously one of the things we do on the show, you know, in the monologue, is we tell jokes about news stories. we read a lot of news stories around here and -- i read a report recently that said more and more kids are getting caught watching porn on their smartphones in school bathroom stalls. stories like that always get me to thinking.
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you know, i turn 40 in december, and i've -- come to realize that the world is a much different place than it once was. things are changing every day. [ laughter ] but not always -- [ cheers and applause ] not always for the better. and i would like to take some time tonight to talk about how things were just a bit more simple. back in my day. ♪ [ laughter ] the kids are watching porn on their smartphones in bathroom stalls. well, call me old-fashioned, but back in my day, you wanted to see two people make love, you had to go to a bedroom or an office. somewhere with a desktop computer. [ laughter ] those things didn't fit in bathroom stalls.
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back in my day, if you wanted to talk to someone, you didn't text them. you e-mailed them and then called them to ask if they got your e-mail. [ laughter ] because sometimes it would go to their spam folder. and now i hear that p. diddy is his name to puff daddy. back in my day puff daddy was his name to p. diddy. and we were grateful for it. [ laughter ] back in my day, we didn't send each other facebook messages -- as much. facebook was pretty new and we were still getting the hang of it. [ laughter ] and now they;ve these new iphones and the chargers are this big. back in my day, they were this big. [ laughter and applause ] but we didn't mind. hell, it was all part of the charm. back in my day, there was no tea party. there were still insane right wing conservatives.
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we just didn't have a catchy name for them yet. [ laughter ] and back then, back then, we didn't sit around worrying about global warming. we got out there and caused global warming. [ laughter and applause ] i think back then we just knew the value of hard work. and one more thing. back in my day, we didn't spend hours on netflix scrolling through movies we didn't want to watch before finally settling on "police academy iii." [ laughter ] no, sir. if we wanted to see a movie, we had to walk through the snow -- to the mailbox -- where "police academy iii" was waiting for us in a netflix envelope. simpler times. simpler times indeed. [ laughter and applause ] i'm sorry i had to do that. but, well -- sometimes, this old geezer's got to get his gripe
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so, we shoot our show in 30 rockefeller center, and a lot of you may not know this, but many of the new york based shows on nbc are filmed in this very same building. for example, ronan farrow -- who's on the show tonight -- shoots his program just five floors below us. well -- one thing nbc really likes us all to do is get along and be friends. and because of that, the powers that be thought it would be a good idea for me to become friends with weekend "nightly news" and "dateline" anchor lester holt. here's lester. [ laughter ] so, we went out with a film crew and spent the day together. so, now, let's see what happens when a late night talk show host hangs out with a serious journalist in a piece we're calling -- forced friendship with seth and lester. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hey, everybody, i'm so excited. i'm about to meet lester for the first time right outside of his office. >> all right, president obama. thank you very much for the interview, sir. we -- i look forward to it, too. i'll see you then. take care. bye-bye. ♪ are you lost or something? >> seth: no.
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i'm seth meyers. remember, nbc asked us to hang out? they want us to be friends. [ sighing ] [ laughter ] >> all right, let's go. let's go, funny boy. [ laughter ] ♪ so, this is, uh -- this is where you tape your prank show and put skits on youtube. >> seth: well, no. this is the -- set for my new talk show. >> it looks like you decided not to wear your bozo makeup, clown man. [ laughter ] i'm going to address the camera now. ♪ good evening. i'm lester holt, nbc news. [ laughter ] i don't appreciate jokes, goofs or spoofs. friendship is about respect, and you cannot respect a clown. thank you. [ laughter ] >> seth: for real? [ laughter ] ♪ so do you watch any shows or anything? are you excited about the next season of "mad men"? >> well, seth, what excites me is the news. breaking the news, reporting the news, being a mouthpiece of
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truth in a storm of madness and injustice. >> seth: cool. that's -- that's really awesome, man. >> what excites you? >> seth: um -- the same stuff? [ laughter ] >> liar. ♪ [ light laughter ] >> seth: so, uh -- what are you working on? >> well, i'm finishing up a piece right now about how afghan citizens risk their lives to vote in the most recent election. and you? >> seth: we're doing this game show sketch with kelly ripa that takes place at a hotdog stand. it's like, um -- it's like "cash cab," but it takes place at a hotdog stand. >> uh-huh. [ laughter ] that's great. >> seth: i'm sorry. are you eating a plate of lettuce? >> i am. i eat neutral foods. it keeps me unbiased on the air. [ laughter ] and by the way, what's that orange and red triangle on your plate? >> seth: pizza? >> the italian food dish for children. >> seth: you know what pizza is. >> you are not a man. >> seth: i am a man. [ laughter ]
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♪ [ applause ] ♪ >> all right. i did see one of your shows once. >> seth: really? >> once. you say a headline. then you make fun of it, and then they laugh. >> seth: yeah. it's a monologue joke. >> it's disgusting. >> seth: great. that's a cute dog. >> it's a prisoner on a chain. it's a prisoner on a chain. [ laughter ] >> seth: you're a lot of fun to be around. ♪ i can't believe nbc is making us ride a carousel. >> they're not. this is my idea. i love this thing. in fact, this just in -- i am currently filled with joy. >> seth: you are a hard guy to figure out, lester holt. [ laughter ]
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♪ i don't know. i think our first day of hanging out went pretty good. >> oh, really? i think my reputation was sullied by appearing on your program. but that said, i think i had a good time. >> seth: huh. all right! this is this week's edition of "forced friendship with lester and seth." >> and i'm lester holt. nbc news, new york. >> seth: oh, man. you don't have to do that every time. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] give it up for lester holt, everybody. what an incredibly good sport. we'll be right back with cameron diaz and leslie mann. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the power of this sport is when speed meets harmony. only verizon unites the two by providing in-car cameras that live stream each race.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everyone. our first guests tonight are starring together in the new film, "the other woman," which opens in theaters tomorrow. let's take a look. >> oh, my god. >> what? >> do you think she had that made? >> no, she didn't have that made. when you have a body like that, everything fits you perfectly. i mean, she's like the perfect ten, lemon tart, double-d, obviously! >> okay, at some point you say "i play tennis." >> how are you not freaking about this? >> if i play against john mcenroe, then i expect to lose. >> you know what? >> right? >> i am mcenroe! >> what are you doing? carly! i can't believe you! boo-hoo! he cheated on me, too! [ shouting over each other ] >> i'm strong when i'm mad! >> what's going on? >> seth: please welcome the lovely cameron diaz and leslie mann. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: thank you both so much for being here. >> thank you for having us. >> seth: so great having both of you. now, this is a movie -- this is a movie about, like, women bonding, right? is that a good way -- i mean, it seems like there's a lot of beach hijinks there, that make you think it might not be. [ laughter ] >> well, you know, it is about an unlikely friendship of women who are sort of bonded through a very weird circumstance, which is basically they're all involved with the same man. she's married to him. i am dating him, and kate upton is dating him. but, of course, we don't really know about each other at all. so when we find out, it's psycho crazy. >> seth: because you're not -- you don't -- you aren't at each other's throats. you kind of come together. >> no, we realize he's a douche bag. can i say that? [ laughter ] can we say that? >> seth: you should have asked before. you should have asked before. >> oh, i should say -- [ laughter ]
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>> seth: because now you set a new rule that you can say it, which is good. >> jackass. >> jackass! he's a jackass. [ talking over each other ] [ laughter ] >> we figure he wasn't worht fighting over. >> seth: no, it's not that they don't know. like, they know synonyms to douche bag. [ laughter ] >> d-bag! d-bag? >> seth: perfect. that's good. this will edit together well. [ laughter ] now, the third woman is kate upton, in the film. and it seems like you guys had fun working together, and you had a little bit of fun with her on a flight. why don't you tell us a little about this. >> we did. we're bad, bad girls! [ cackles ] she was asleep. she sleeps -- so she was fast asleep, like right away, which makes me so mad because i can never sleep on flights. so cameron and i were up, and we're like, yeah! >> both: what do we do? >> and she's passed out. and we decided to draw -- draw -- [ laughter ]
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look at her little face! >> that's what's happening in the other picture. i'm drawing on her. she does not wake -- she doesn't even budge. >> seth: why? is she just a heavy sleeper? >> she's a child. she's like a little baby. >> seth: yeah. whereas you are adult women who draw on people's faces. [ laughter ] she's a child. what does she know? >> whoa, whoa, whoa. we're always like -- anytime we go out, we're always like, "come on. let's go." and she's like, "i'm going home. i'm tired." >> seth: it does speak to the idea of women bonding, but i've never -- usually, when i had friends who would pass out in college, we wouldn't go so far as to draw it on our face as well. there is a very nice, like, unity you have. >> i was kind of feeling really guilty. i felt really bad. i was like, "no, we can't take just -- we can't take pictures unless we have mustaches as well." so we have other pictures where we're drawing on each other's faces. >> seth: thank you. >> but then she wanted to wipe it off. and i'm like, "no, just leave it on. it will be so awesome in the morning when she wakes up, and she's just like, 'hey, guys.'" [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah.
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>> then she wipes it up. >> seth: while she slept? >> i washed her face while she slept. >> and she didn't move. >> seth: that is the most monumental waste of time i've ever heard. your friend is sleeping. you draw it and then you go, "we got to wipe it off." >> it's terrible. i felt so guilty, though. i was like, "we can't do that to her. that's so mean." >> seth: oh, that's really nice. again, much like douche bag, better to think before you did it. >> yeah, i know. it was terrible. >> seth: so nikolaj coster-waldau is also your co-star, and you had to make out with him in the movie. >> we both did, yeah. >> seth: and he's from "game of thrones." he's jaime lannister. >> yeah, i was so excited, because i've been married for 17 years. [ laughter ] and i was like, "yes! i get to make out with the hot guy from the 'game of thrones.'" this is awesome. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's really exciting. >> you know, i got ready on the day. brushed my teeth and like -- and we kissed. and i broke out in hives. [ audience ohs ]
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like big hives on my face. and so they washed him off because they thought maybe it was his aftershave or something. >> seth: got ya. >> and we did the kiss again, and i broke out in hives again. and i'm allergic to him. >> seth: oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> but i got the job done, because i'm a professional. [ cheers and applause ] i finished my job. >> seth: you -- i mean, i always remembered from when you were on "snl," you were a very gifted physical comedian. and it seems like this movie has a lot of great physical comedy in it. was that fun for you guys? >> it was so much fun. she -- we didn't know that we had this dynamic at all. we had no idea what we we're going to do when we got together. basically, when we're making this movie, we just met one day. and four hours of a dinner, and then physical comedy was not discussed. >> no. >> but on the set, we realized that we had this really funny dynamic between us. like i have really long legs, comparatively. >> and i have short legs.
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>> this is my waist. >> and that's hers right there. >> so her center of gravity is really low. and mine is -- i'm always like, oohh. so when i just like hang on to her. and she's like toppling over. >> and i'm like -- [ laughter ] >> and then she has like, eight hands. she hides them. she hides them. and every time, i like take one hand up like this. [ light laughter ] so it just turned into -- [ laughter ] >> we had fun. >> seth: i think you guys have chemistry. >> i know. [ laughter ] >> seth: i wish you guys acted like you liked one another. >> i know. it was so much fun. we had a blast. >> seth: you had one other co-star i want to talk about, which is a giant dog. >> yes. >> yeah. >> seth: which this is -- and this is not a full grown dog, right? >> no, he's a puppy. >> seth: oh. [ audience oohs ]
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>> he's a very manly puppy. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] i'm glad you pointed that out. i'm glad you pointed that out. those are -- >> balls. >> seth: yeah, i know. [ laughter ] balls is good. balls is great. ♪ do your balls hang low do your balls hang low do they wobble to and fro ♪ ♪ can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow can you throw them over your shoulder ♪ ♪ like a continental soldier do your balls hang low ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i take -- i take full -- i take full responsibility for this. we can say balls, but we can't sing it. [ laughter ] i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry about that. guys, it was so great to have you here! cameron diaz and leslie mann, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] check out "the other woman" in theaters tomorrow. and they have an album of all ball songs, which is coming out next week. we'll be right back with ronan farrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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when he was 11, yale law school when he was 18, and more recently served as a special adviser to hillary clinton when she was secretary of state. he is now the host of "ronan farrow daily," which airs weekdays on msnbc. please welcome ronan farrow. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it is so great to have you here. >> the feeling is mutual. thanks for having me. >> seth: we share a piece of trivia. our shows started at the exact same day. >> same day. and seth got me guacamole and lots of beer, which i needed desperately. >> seth: and then ronan, in turn, got me a beautiful bottle of champagne. >> re-gifted. >> seth: yeah, you re-gifted me. the guacamole, also re-gifted. [ laughter ] >> gross. >> seth: yeah, yeah, that's grosser. yeah, well, checkmate. so your show is different compared to a lot of news shows. >> different from this show. >> seth: it's very different from this show. what was sort of your mission statement when you went out and tried to put your show together? >> you know, i was a cable news
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consumer that was a little bit frustrated with the story selection. a lot of same stories over and over again. i think msnbc does a better job than most. but a lot of time out there, you're hearing the same thing over and over and over again. and one of the things that we aimed to do was listen to the audience. what do you guys actually want to hear from? so every week, we actually do a competition for what's the underreported story that's been flying under the radar. so we do the big stories, and we do a unique take on them and hopefully go deeper in them. but we also bring out stories that people aren't hearing about. and it's suggestions off the internet, so it's a lot of funny cat pictures and hardcore porn. [ laughter ] >> seth: do you know what's a good underreported story? i don't know if you heard about this flight 370. >> what is that? [ laughter ] actually, we had lester holt in a flight simulator. >> seth: did you really? >> yeah. he didn't find the plane, but he was very serious about it. >> seth: yeah, he's very serious. >> but, you know, in all seriousness. one of the stories, for instance, that our audience pitched to us, and it was is this incredible narrative. this emerging trend of working homeless people. people in shelters who hold full
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time jobs and are just struggling because of the skyrocketing cost of living. and we did this piece on it. we went out. we saw these people face to face. we shot some reporting on it, and it then ended up being used in congressional testimony about that issue. so it was this direct conversation from our audience all the way to our leadership, which is a cool, modern approach to news, which couldn't happen before. and i think it's what people in my generation sort of expect from news. they want feedback. >> seth: and you mentioned going out. unlike, i feel, a lot of hosts who are sort of stuck behind the desk, you go out. you do field reporting, which i think is really impressive. >> yeah. it's so important to get something that's gritty and raw and actually talk to people. and there's too little of that, i think, in television in general. i like that you did that gritty, raw, real piece with lester. >> seth: yeah, trust me, it was a lot grittier. even when the cameras stopped, it was very gritty. yeah. >> also, on today's show, i interviewed a bunch of dolphins. >> seth: now that's -- i noticed this. tell me about -- >> i was told you had notice, so i thought i'd put it out -- >> seth: right, right. >> because we are a very serious show. whole back of the show, dolphins. >> seth: because you are, sort of -- i would say, you're on the side of animal rights activists.
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you believe animals are underrepresented as far as their rights go. >> well, i mean, look. there was this explosion of damage to dolphins and death of dolphins after the bp oil rig exploded and the years since. they're suffering. so we did some coverage of that, and then we had them stick around and talk politics. very opinionated about tax policy. >> seth: got ya, yes. [ laughter ] >> but the great thing is, actually, you can feed them raw trout and they'll answer anything you ask, which doesn't work on nancy pelosi. >> seth: no, that's true. [ laughter ] that's true. it has to be very well cooked. [ applause ] the best trout. almond bean, and then she starts talking. so this -- you know, like i said, your show, you go out. but you had at lot of experience in your career traveling. you worked for hillary clinton, and you interviewed with richard holbrooke to get job. and this is a very unique -- this is a unique interview story. >> he was famous for unique approaches to interviews. hillary clinton -- when he died, he was this sort of elder statesman, and he died tragically while he was trying to solve the war in afghanistan. go figure. that's stressful. and she told the story, at his
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funeral, of him following her into a ladies' room in pakistan. similarly, for my job interview at the state department, he was -- you know, we went up. we talked to secretary clinton. he threw his luggage at me. walked all the way to georgetown. i had been on crutches for a while, and he knew this, and i'm hobbling after him with his luggage. then he proceeds to go into the bathroom. and i'm like, "whoa, not that kind of a guy." not going to do that kind of an interview. and he's throwing me hardball questions about afghanistan. gets into the shower. the door is, like, ajar. i'm turning away. he conducts the entire interview while showering. without breaking stride in this incredible narrative about afghanistan and the details of troop deployments, and should we escalate, should we not. that's quite a guy. >> seth: that's quite a guy. >> is that how you interview your staff? >> seth: it is. but when i come out of the shower, they're usually there with someone from hr. [ laughter ] >> we've all had those conversations with hr. >> seth: now, you're also -- you're writing a book right now. and you obviously -- you have a show. you're getting your ph.d. as if you're not doing enough -- this the greatest detail. we figured this out today, that
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you actually play the music in the intro to your own show. you play the guitar. >> seth, there were budget cuts. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> i was like, "look, this is what it should sound like, guys." and they're like, "okay, we're just going to turn the mic on." i'm like, "no, hire a musician." they're like, "um, yeah, that's you." [ light laughter ] >> seth: that's so great. i think you should do it live, and then just very slowly put the guitar away. >> i mean, look, i'm no fred armisen, but i'm getting there. >> seth: i wanted to write the theme song to our show, but no one would let me. it's like -- [ singing off key ] >> wait. that's -- why? that's amazing. >> seth: then, it was the best -- >> can we use that for my theme? >> seth: i would love it. yeah. i would love it. we're going to use cameron and leslie as the singers. they're very good. >> i mean, how am i supposed to live up to that? they're having a giggly, pillow fight out here. and then, i come out, and i'm like, yeah, serious news. yeah. >> seth: when they came out, they told us nothing wrong with dolphins. they were like, they're doing great. >> they're amazing. >> seth: i mean, you had to be a huge downer about dolphins. >> wah, wah. >> seth: well, congratulations on the show, and it's great to have you only five floors away. and please come back soon. >> and you are doing an
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incredible job. i'm a fan. >> seth: thank you so much. and there's still a little bit of guacamole left over. i'm gonna send it down, yes. [ talking over each other ] "ronan farrow daily" airs weekdays at 1:00 on msnbc. ronan farrow, everyone! we'll be right back with stand-up from gary gulman. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ as a teacher i'm always or planning for the month. so, like the 5th of each month, ya know, i know like clockwork which day i get paid. every dollar we have right now, we need. with american express serve you have a full service prepaid account that helps you handle your money simply and affordably. all for just $1 a month. backed by the 24/7 service of american express. this is what membership is. this is what membership does. get started with an american express serve account today.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my next guest is a very funny comedian who will be co-starring in the upcoming film "lucky them" in theaters may 30th. please welcome, gary gulman. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. wow! that was really nice. [ laughter ] i -- i just want to start off with a -- with a story. my friend suzanne, she saw this documentary about hitler.
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adolf. [ laughter ] it's probably one of those surnames you don't have to -- you don't have to qualify. [ laughter ] people are on board with hitler. [ laughter ] nobody's scratching their head. "doug?" [ laughter ] "oh, adolf! yeah, sure. adolf." yeah, of course, adolf. it was about hitler's atrocities. but, uh -- she couldn't think of the word atrocities, so she substituted a synonym. she said, "gary, i saw this very interesting documentary about hitler's -- shenanigans." [ laughter ] shenanigans. uh -- close. [ laughter ] and, uh -- as -- as a jew, um -- as a jew, i'm not overly sensitive. i can take a joke. but i don't know.
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when people trivialize hitler's monkey business -- [ laughter ] -- when the nazi's hijinx, tom foolery and ballyhoo -- [ laughter ] -- is understated -- maybe i am being sensitive. but don't -- don't you guys feel like it does a disservice to the millions inconvenienced by -- [ laughter ] -- hitler's mischief? [ laughter ] atrocities, shenan -- yeah, tomato, tomato. shenanigans, genocide. [ laughter ] um -- i must say that my people, the jews, we've, uh -- yeah, we've been in a few pickles over the years. [ laughter ] going back to the old testament which is our -- that's our bible. the new testament -- excellent
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sequel. [ laughter ] like, a lot of times -- well, i think it's fair to say that christianity is the most successful spinoff in entertainment history. [ laughter ] because a lot of times you add a new character late, late in the series -- [ laughter ] -- and the show really can't handle it. but -- like, if judaism is "cheers," i feel like -- like -- i'd call him the "frazier" of nazareth. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yeah. so, the old testament is just -- it's pretty much a compilation of jewish suffering. i mean, we got our asses handed to us every 75 pages. [ laughter ] like, god is clearly trying to get rid of us.
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like -- that book should really be called "he's just not that into you." [ laughter and applause ] which is a helpful book if you're in a relationship. "he's just not that into you." because it tells you -- it tells you certain things that you know, but it's nice to see in a book. like, if he -- if he doesn't return your phone call the same day you call him, then he's -- he's just not that into you. and if he asks you out for saturday on saturday, he's just not that into you. [ laughter ] and then, if -- if he enslaves you in egypt for 400 years -- [ laughter ] -- and then delivers you to the only strip of land in the middle east without an oil well beneath it -- [ laughter ] -- not that into you. [ laughter ] he's not that into you.
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[ cheers and applause ] quite clear, god wants to see other peoples. i, uh -- i had a great time tonight. thank you so much, everyone. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that was great, man. >> thank you. >> seth: gary gulman, everyone! check out for tour dates. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ who are you?
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[whispering] i'm the breakfast fairy. what are you doing? leaving you a few bucks. that's all you need for my - sourdough breakfast melts, with your choice of ham, egg and cheese, or bacon egg and cheese,
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both on toasted sourdough. right now they're 2 for just $4.00. there's no such thing as the breakfast fairy. woah, woah - you're right. uh, i'm jack. i just put these wings on and broke in through your window to leave some money under your pillow ohh, good. cuz for a minute there this wasn't making any sense.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: my thanks to cameron diaz and leslie mann. ronan farrow, gary gulman, and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> carson: well, hello there! i'm carson daly and you have stumbled onto another edition of "last call." thank you so much. tonight, we're set up here at evr in new york city for another fantastic block of programming and in a little bit we're gonna give you the music of ches. we'll tell you about the podcast "welcome to night vale." but, first you know our guest from "the office", "anchorman", and too many countless comedies to name. his name is david koechner and here's here tonight to talk about "anchorman 2", "cheap thrills and a bunch of other stuff. from melrose umbrella company, this is tonight's "last call spotlight." >> you ready? new slate? what happened, you guys get a new chip?


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