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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  August 8, 2014 11:34pm-12:37am PDT

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let's go outside and look at the moon. start howling, people. it's a mere prelude to this weekend's super moon, which means it's bigger and brighter than your usual full moon. >> this is supposed to be the most super of all. that is because when it rises sunday night, it will be the closest any full moon is to the earth this year. >> and a perseid meteor shower is going to happen the same time on sunday. don't miss it. >> no way. >> yes. >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- jeff bridges
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ali larter comedian andy woodhull and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 104! >> steve: and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: too much. too much! hot crowd! >> steve: hot! >> jimmy: hot crowd! you could feel it. i could -- [ cheers ] welcome. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody!
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that's what i'm talking about! >> steve: hit me. [ beat ] [ beat ] [ laughter ] [ musical sting ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: i said welcome to -- [ musical sting ] i said welcome to -- [ musical sting ] i said welcome to -- [ cheers ] "the tonight show!" ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: need help with that? >> jimmy: ha! thank you so much for coming. >> steve: oh, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: welcome to the show, everybody. here's what people are talking about. i saw this, president obama is planning to break up his vacation in martha's vineyard by returning to d.c. for two days for meetings. two days away from his family vacation or, as that's also known, a vacation.
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[ laughter ] if you've been on vacation, you know. [ applause ] oh, man. this is not good. did you hear about this? cnn is being sued -- [ laughter ] cnn is being sued after one of its correspondents got drunk and bit two paramedics. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: uh-uh. >> jimmy: got drunk and bit two paramedics. the good news is, cnn finally has a story worth talking about. [ cheers and applause ] sometimes you've got to make your own news. tequila on the house! tequila on the house! tequila -- [ musical sting ] on the -- [ musical sting ] tequila on the house! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> steve: you snapped both hamstrings. >> jimmy: i wanted to even it out. >> steve: yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: that's right. a cnn correspondent got drunk overseas and bit two emts. or as one cnn reporter put it,
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"they don't call me wolf for nothing." [ howling ] >> steve: yeah, baby. >> jimmy: is that wolfman? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: check this out, guys. timex announced that it's creating a new smart watch that can track your speed, distance and location. people are like, "does it tell time?" and timex was like, "damn it." [ laughter ] does it do speed? [ musical sting ] does it do distance? [ musical sting ] does it tell -- time? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> steve: i've never been to that side of the stage. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. it's pretty fun. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's all right. >> jimmy: just let me catch my breath for 20 minutes. >> steve: want some water? >> jimmy: take my time a little bit. next -- out of breath. [ laughter ] more tech news here. microsoft is opening up a store in new york right by the iconic glass apple store. yeah. they say it should make it easier than ever for people to buy their grandkids the wrong gift. [ applause ]
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you can listen to zune when you're on the school bus. >> steve: i'm 33. >> jimmy: i just saw a new survey that found late tuesday morning is the most popular time of the week to send a a sext. [ audience ohs ] in a related story, tuesday afternoon is the most popular time to text, "oh, my god, that was for someone else." [ laughter ] mom, don't read that. don't look at that. >> steve: don't look at it, mom! no! >> jimmy: a highway in indiana had to be closed after a truck overturned and spilled 45,000 pounds of butter on the road. [ audience ohs ] yeah. now, you wouldn't think many people would care about this story, but i do. [ laughter ] that's why i can't breathe right now. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] you're excited about the -- >> jimmy: a lot of people care about this story. >> steve: yeah, a lot of people care. >> jimmy: politicians, celebrities. >> steve: sure, yep. >> jimmy: i'll show you what i mean in tonight's edition of
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"that's what they said." ♪ that's what they said [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: after finding out a a truck overturned and spilled butter everywhere, joe biden said, "talk about a margarine of error. ha-ha, write that down." [ laughter ] fabio said, "normally when i hear about one of these accidents where a truck spills stuff all over the highway, i can say, 'i can't believe it's not butter.' but in this case, i can't really say that." this actually was a lot of butter. >> steve: fabio wrote that out. he released that statement in the press. [ laughter ] fabio. >> jimmy: and last, chris christie said, "finally someone combining my two favorite things -- 45,000 pounds of butter and shutting down a highway." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now, this one really surprised me. i'm glad you're having fun. i'm glad you're having a good time here. because researchers are now saying that laughing can actually boost the immune system.
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[ audience ohs ] yeah. in fact -- [ man laughs ] yeah, embrace it, sir. go for it. i mean -- [ laughter ] i don't know if pee-wee herman is in the audience or what's going on, but that's a good "ha ha." [ imitating pee-wee herman ] i think it's good. let's all get healthy. let's have 30 seconds of laughing. let's go. ready? let's go. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] ♪
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[ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: well, i feel better. everyone feel better? [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] did you hear about this new website that actually let's parents pick baby names based on web domains that no one is using? so i guess it won't be too much longer until you hear parents say "blockbuster marie, you get in here right now. get your big sister net zero. both get in here right now, missy." [ applause ] myspace, get off of there! i just saw this yesterday on cbs "this morning." they were talking about a photo of model chrissy teigen. of course, charlie rose had to chime in with a little quip. let's hear what he said. >> listen, i like
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chrissy teigen. if you follow on twitter, you know she's a hoot. charlie, when i got in this morning, i was reading "the new york post." and i looked at this -- i said, look at her mowing the lawn. >> i said, i got some grass that needs to be mowed. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: then the h.r. department was like, "add it to the file." i don't know with this guy. [ laughter ] and finally, this is pretty cool, a team of archaeologists in south america have discovered the fossils of a a dinosaur that was the size of a fox and lived 200 million years ago. but then they looked closer and went, "wait, it's just a dead fox." we have a great show, everybody! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hey, everybody! hot show tonight. fun show tonight. >> steve: oh, fantastic. >> jimmy: real quick. a little quick truck update. you know, i got my truck. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it says ford f-150 king ranch extended cab. yeah. ask me how big my truck is. >> audience: how big is your truck? >> jimmy: big enough. [ laughter ] anyways, i asked you guys -- i said send me some songs. i need some songs to play in my truck. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: because right now it's synced to my phone and just plays last song downloaded to my phone. so right now -- no, it's the theme to "family ties." [ laughter ] so i get in the truck and it's like -- ♪ what would we do, baby without us ♪ it's not truck music. it's a great song, but it's not truck music. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: so i need some good country truck songs. so i asked you guys and it just -- we got like hundreds of thousands of tweets with great suggestions. so we're narrowing it down. we're going to pick 50 songs for like a good two-hour ride. and we're going to release the playlist on monday on, like,
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spotify and i heart radio. so you guys can download it or just pick up a playlist. thank you for those tweets. [ cheers and applause ] we've got a fun show tonight. he's an academy award winner and all around great guy. oh, i love this man. he is the dude! >> steve: the dude! >> jimmy: the dude is here! [ cheers and applause ] he's got a new movie. it's really good. great movie. it's getting a lot of buzz. it's called "the giver." it's coming out soon. jeff bridges is here! [ applause ] plus, from the new tnt drama "legends," ali larter is stopping by. be good to see ali larter. great guest. and making his network tv debut here tonight, we have a very, very funny gentleman. we have stand-up comedy from comedian andy woodhull, everybody. [ applause ] he's good. making his debut. you never know what's going to happen. >> steve: you never know. >> jimmy: no. guys, today's friday. that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox,
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return some emails. [ cheers and applause ] send out thank you notes. i usually write out some thank you notes. i was running a bit late, so i was just wondering if you guys -- if you guys wouldn't mind. >> steve: are you sure? >> jimmy: if you guys wouldn't mind, could i write out my weekly thank you notes right now? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] the best. you guys are the best. hey, james, can i get some thank you writing music, please? thank you. ♪ oh man. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: what happened? >> steve: what happened? >> jimmy: i don't know what's going on. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> steve: he's crying. >> jimmy: no, he's not. he's smiling and he's crying. >> steve: yeah, he's smiling -- >> jimmy: he's frowning because he's chewing his lip. >> steve: he's got his spock ears on. >> jimmy: no, that's what they put in. that's his in ears, they call that. >> steve: oh, okay. >> jimmy: headphones. >> steve: in ear headphones. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: look at him. look how cute he is. he's just a little cutie. [ laughter ] he's got an album, you know? ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, bruce jenner's new mullet -- [ laughter ]
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-- for showing us what donald trump probably looks like in the morning before he combs his hair. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: goodbye! [ imitating trump ] "beautiful luxurious hair. beautiful hair." ♪ thank you, people who get their pictures drawn by caricature artists, for basically saying, "here's $20. now please confirm every insecurity i've ever had about my face." [ laughter ] i don't have buck teeth. >> steve: i knew i had buck teeth. >> jimmy: do i have a big nose? >> steve: i don't like to skateboard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. that's all i can draw. >> steve: come on. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, "the expendables 3," for being
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leaked online. although, if anyone's used to dealing with uncontrollable leaks, it's the cast of "the expendables 3." >> steve: whoa, whoa! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: get yourself checked. know what i'm saying? get yourself checked. figure it out. ♪ thank you, the "today" show, for planning to perform a a musical written by kathie lee. [ audience ohs ] or, as it's also known, "the wi-ne king." [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ pinot grigio lifesavers, yum ♪ [ laughter ] ♪
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>> jimmy: thank you, scrabble, for adding words like "selfie," "bromance" and "buzzkill" to your dictionary and for basically saying, "let's give the stupid people a chance to win." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's 50 points, "frenemy." [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, softball, for proving that even when you make the ball bigger, the bat lighter, the bases closer together and have the pitchers throw underhand -- i still suck at baseball. [ applause ] i just can't do anything. can't hit. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: can't throw. >> steve: what do you say? ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, high chairs, or as i call them, baby desks. [ laughter ] get some work done. >> steve: yeah, couple weeks out of the office. >> jimmy: get a little work
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done. the home office. >> steve: throw spaghetti all over the place. >> jimmy: tough commute from my crib to the -- [ laughter ] i got to start hitting the bottle. it's two for tuesday. i'm so excited -- i'm so excited i might pee pants, well it depends. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, fish sticks, for not being called cod rods. [ laughter ] there you guys go. [ cheers and applause ] they could be. those are think you notes! we'll be right back with jeff bridges! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ boys, can i get some help? i don't know. can you? guess you don't want doritos. ♪
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[ whistles ] [ whimpers ] ♪ ha! ♪ [ crunch! ] yay! whoo-hoo.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a golden globe and academy award winning actor, whose latest film "the giver" is in theaters everywhere august 15. go see this movie. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jeff bridges!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. jeff bridges right there. they love you, we love you. welcome, welcome, welcome. thanks for being here. i appreciate it. are you on tour with the band right now? >> not yet. in about a week we go on tour. right now i'm pushing "the giver." >> jimmy: "the giver." yeah. absolutely. >> yeah. >> jimmy: fantastic film, by they way. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: and we'll get into that. but, i want to know, the band, the abiders. >> hey man. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about, yeah. you got to see -- >> i heard you're looking for some truck music? >> jimmy: that's right. >> i've to the the cd for you, man. [ laughter ] trucking, man. >> jimmy: i'm a truck driving dude. >> hey, yeah, it's very natural. >> jimmy: yeah, people see me, the immediately look at me and they go, "oh, you drive a truck probably."
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>> of course. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cranking tv show themes out my window, and all that stuff. [ laughter ] i got a cowboy hat, and all -- i love this thing. i don't get paid by ford, by the way. >> oh no, yeah. >> jimmy: i 'm not doing commercials. i paid for the truck myself. with my hard earned money. [ laughter ] i don't want to owe anybody anything. >> i wonder how many trucks you are selling by doing this, man. >> jimmy: i'd probably say four or five trucks. [ laughter ] >> oh, yeah. i would think so. >> jimmy: i love it though. it's made great. i'm never going to go back. the truck's -- it's for me all the way. they just thought of everything. it's great. >> are you going to collect them now? >> jimmy: yeah. i'm going to get a truck collection. absolutely. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i could just like, race around my back yard. >> heck yeah. >> jimmy: no, i love it. it's fun. it's good. but i just need the music to go with it. i just need like a good, like a a merle haggard or something, you know? >> i got you something. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. i knew you would come through. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you know, i'm out there all day on the truck. [ laughter ]
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i'm lonely. i get lonely. >> loading those pumpkins, yeah. >> jimmy: i got the truck because, yeah, fall's going to come and i want to get some pumpkins. >> that's it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and you know? what am i going to do, put it if the back of a car and put a a seat belt on it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: the pumpkin. he likes to be outside. so why ever put him indoor anything? pumpkins in the back, me in the front. [ laughter ] >> you're a truck pumpkin kind of guy. >> jimmy: truck pumpkin kind of dude. i need a name for the truck, too if you can help me with that. >> what do you got? >> it's a ford, it's an f-150. it's a king ranch. it's blue on the top and khaki on the bottom. it looks like it works at best buy. [ laughter ] it has like blue shirt and khaki pants. and so i don't know. >> i'm thinking going with my brother and father's middle name, brunet. >> jimmy: yes! >> you digging that? >> jimmy: i'm so loving brunet! dude, that is my truck's name. brunet! you just named it right now! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] how do you spell brunet? >> i don't know. b-e-r-n-e-t? is there a t in there?
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>> jimmy: there's a little french thing on the end. [ laughter ] i have to ask you a question. because i admire you and love your acting. but then i see you do this thing, and i go, "oh no, don't do this." you threw out a first pitch at a dodgers game. >> i did. i did. >> jimmy: and i go to myself, why do people do this? a lot of people are watching, pressure's on. you're not a baseball pitcher. >> no. well, no. >> jimmy: no. you're a -- i mean, no, right? >> well i pitched in little league. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah but this is -- i don't know if that counts. >> it was a few years ago. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so i go, i don't know why anyone would do this, and you went out and you did something that is was the most, greatest thing i've ever seen anyone do. and i don't want to say anything about it. i want to show everyone the clip, here's you throwing out the first pitch at the dodgers game. jeff bridges. [ applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is an exactly what -- that's the way to do it right there. >> low and outside. >> jimmy: and that was just fantastic. it was a little homage to the dude? >> that's the whole problem. really kind of irritating. everybody thinks that. >> jimmy: the big lebowski. >> but no, no, it was misinterpreted. it was a bocce ball reference. you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh i get it now. yeah, yeah, yeah. i was going to say that the first thing. but then i -- >> yeah, yeah. and i didn't know why -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's totally different styles. you're right. you're correct. well, let people think what they're going to think. >> yeah, exactly, right. let it go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: unbelievable. i want to ask you a question here, because you did a reddit ama. ask me anything. we love reddit, love that website. and normally they ask everyone the big question, would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
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[ laughter ] do you get that question asked? >> i was upset, because i was really pondering that, that they give me one of those preinterview things and they said we might ask you that. and i was prepared -- >> jimmy: you're brain was scrambled thinking about it. >> and i was -- i went with the giant duck. [ laughter ] i tell you. a lot -- how many, a dozen angry horses? >> jimmy: no, 100. >> oh, 100. >> jimmy: i didn't say they were angry neccesarily. [ laughter ] i they're duck-size. >> they're duck-sized, but in my mind, they're angry, and they're coming at me. and there's 100. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you make your own story. yeah, yeah. >> now i see this giant duck, he's a cool cat. [ laughter ] i mean, you know. >> jimmy: yep. >> daffy and donald and those guys. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. a horse sized duck. you'd be like, "cool." yeah. >> yeah, i could maybe ride it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: more with jeff bridges when we get back. that's good. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, roots. how about the roots right there! oh, my goodness. >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm here with jeff bridges. now, your movie "the giver" is out august 15th. and you've been trying to make this movie for a while. this is a passion -- >> 18 years. >> jimmy: 18 years. >> yeah, i originally wanted to direct my father, lloyd bridges in this movie. i wanted my kids to be able to see it.
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so i was looking through a a catalog of kid's books and i came across this wonderful grizzled guy on the cover of one with a newbury awards stamp. and i said, "my dad can play that guy." >> jimmy: ah! >> and i was all excited because it's so -- well -- well loved. you know, it's taught in schools. and you know, millions of copies -- >> jimmy: yeah, i remember reading that book. >> but it's also on the banned books list. >> jimmy: is it banned as well? >> so it was tough, man, getting it going. and now 18 years -- >> jimmy: i know. unbelievable, right? >> and i'm the grizzled guy now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kind of perfect, right? it's kind of great, yeah. but you actually tried to make it with home movies with your dad. >> not try, we did! we made the entire book. >> jimmy: you did? >> we shot the whole book -- >> jimmy: on a vhs camera? >> well, we have beta or whatever the hell it was back then. [ laughter ] you know, bud cort? >> jimmy: bud cort, harold dumont? >> oh, harold dumont. he narrated the whole thing. >> jimmy: no way? >> yeah. casey, my brother's son, shot it. this young kid, dylan, played the lead in it, you know? and we shot the whole thing --
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my dad played my part, the giver. so, we got that somewhere. and hopefully on the dvd -- we'll find it, and we're going to put some of that on the dvd. >> jimmy: yeah! next time you come, i want to see a clip of that. >> cool. >> jimmy: that's good, but you've got a great cast. man, oh, my god! >> oh, gosh! >> jimmy: meryl streep. unbelievable. it's you, meryl streep. taylor swift is phenomenal in this movie. you know, taylor swift -- you can't -- i can't get enough ylor swift. >> well, she's something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can't get enough taylor swift. she is unbelievable and talented. >> oh, yeah! >> jimmy: and just -- can sing and just knows how to perform. did you jam with her at all? >> oh, yeah! yeah! between -- most of our scenes are actually at a piano. but we, between, you know, setups we broke out the gits and -- >> jimmy: yeah! [ laughter ] did you school her on some stuff? >> no, no. no, no. we just jammed! it was just wonderful. she's so sweet, you know? >> jimmy: she is really cool. >> and she's talented. >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. well, it's a great film. katie holmes, i should say, is fantastic in it as well. and it's -- when you see the -- kind of -- i don't want to ruin anything. can you describe it? >> do you need a tease?
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>> jimmy: a little bit. but, like, "the giver" is based on a town. >> it's based on this community in the future where everything appears perfect, but that's kind of the problem because it's, you know, life ain't perfect, man. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> right. >> jimmy: yeah, everyone knows that. yeah, no. everyone's back story. >> and there's the rub. and that's about all i'm gonna say, really. [ laughter ] i'm just going to just give it. yeah, give you that little bit. and also let me -- let me just sell these two great young actors. >> jimmy: sure. >> brenton thwaites and odeya rush. who we're going to be hearing -- yeah. we're going to hear a lot from these guys. >> jimmy: oh, that's great. >> they really cook. they're really great. >> jimmy: you actually played the giver. >> yes. >> jimmy: and it's almost the guy who knows -- he collects all memories. the town really has no real memories of anything else besides their community. >> yes. >> jimmy: and so, you -- except for one magical man, which is you, who goes -- and it's your job to give the memories to the next generation. >> you're into some deep teasing now. >> jimmy: thank you. okay, all right. [ laughter ] i know! i'm really -- i know, i'm really --
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[ talking over each other ] [ cheers and applause ] here's jeff bridges in "the giver." take a look at this. >> it's red. just like her hair. >> yes. it's red, green, blue. many different colors. but our people, they chose to do away with all of them. they created sameness. if we were different, we could be envious, angry, consumed with hatred. we need sameness, don't you think? >> oh, i completely agree. still it's awesome. beautiful. >> jimmy: aww. it's beautiful shot. [ cheers and applause ] it's beautiful. jeff bridges. "the giver" is in theaters august 15th. august 15th. ali larter joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know our next guest from her work on the tv show "heroes" and films like "varsity blues" and "final destination." she returns to tv in the new drama "legends" which premieres next wednesday at 9:00 p.m. on tnt. everyone, please welcome, ali larter. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hi. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. >> thank you. so happy to be here. >> jimmy: i'm so happy to see you again. >> yeah! >> jimmy: last time you were here, it was three years ago. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and, and you were pregnant. >> that's right. >> jimmy: on the show and so, you're -- you're -- >> yeah. i came on and it was like, i was pregnant and it went so well that i said to my husband, "i'm going on fallon." >> jimmy: yeah.
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>> you know what that means? >> jimmy: yeah. >> gotta get pregnant. >> jimmy: baby number two? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] yeah! hey, buddy! hey, buddy! i can't wait to meet you! i can't wait to meet you! we're going to be friends. we're going to be good friends. [ laughter ] >> lucky baby. >> jimmy: congratulations, ali. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you have a -- you have a beautiful boy, teddy. >> yes. that's right. >> jimmy: he's three years old and now number two on the way! >> yeah! it's so exciting. >> jimmy: super exciting. oh, my gosh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it soon? is it -- you don't -- >> no. you know, it's just -- it's such a scary time and, you know, i've been trying to hide it as much as you can. and when you're in the public eye, it's really scary in the beginning. and so, i was still shooting my spy drama. you know, i'm doing "legends" with howard gordon -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- who does these amazing thrillers. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. "24." >> yeah! incredible. >> jimmy: yeah. "homeland" he's great. >> he's so great. and so -- >> jimmy: it must be tough to do when you're pregnant. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, you're like -- behind a desk a lot? >> well, i have to be like a a covert spy in my real life, too. so, like, i'm wearing blazers and pushup bras and everything
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you can do to distract. >> jimmy: you and me both. yeah. [ laughter ] >> growing. >> jimmy: looking pretty good tonight. but it's like, when you are doing that stuff, it's like, people are just like, moving boxes in front of you. like -- >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: right this way! we're gonna get this outta here. and you're covering like, "okay. everyone, listen up." you know, you're behind the podium. >> completely. i keep telling them, i've just been eating so many cheeseburgers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: blame it on craft service. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: and then the press will jump all over it too and wanna know what's up. >> oh, completely. and so, no. that's been much my operation. three-year-old -- excited? do they know -- does he know what's going -- yeah. we've told him ab actually will say, you k "teddy, wait." and i'll go, "it's talking to you." and he'll be like, "what, mom? what's going on?" [ laughter ] and i go, "it says that it loves batman and is wondering if he can watch it with you." he goes, "oh, my god! mom, batman! i can't even watch it? mom, can i watch it with the baby?" >> jimmy: aww! [ audience awws ] see? that's so cute. oh, my gosh. >> he's getting ingratiated to it. we're getting him ready to break all the rules. >> jimmy: see? that's the thing.
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what other kind of things is your son into? he loves batman? >> yeah! he loves swimming. you know, i had a cookbook come out this year which was like -- >> jimmy: by the way, that's what i was looking at. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you gotta be proud of this. this is unbelievable. >> thank you. >> jimmy: are you good are you good in the kitchen i guess you must be. >> i love it! i mean, for me, that's all my tried and true recip a great party and, you know, that was like, blood, sweat and tears putting that together. >> jimmy: i love cookbooks! >> it's been such a great journey. >> jimmy: that's my -- it's my favorite type of book. >> do you cook at home? >> jimmy: i do. i do. [ laughter ] >> there's my little chunky. >> jimmy: hot pockets and stuff like that. [ laughter ] look at that little dude. come on! [ audience awws ] >> aww! >> jimmy: that is too cute. are you kiddin' me? >> so sweet. >> jimmy: i try to cook. yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm not -- i'm not -- i have cookbooks. >> yeah. [ laughter ] they're -- they make you feel good? >> jimmy: that's there. i start there. and i have i have all the equipment stu pots and pans and stuff lik that. [ laughter ] >> it's a great thing to do with your kids. you know, with teddy, i wake up and us mornings a week, we'll cook something. you know? and so he's been in the kitchen since he was in the bjorn and he started with like little wooden knives and i graduated him to butter knives and he just is dying to get his hands
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on the butcher knives. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: no! you can't let him do that. i want to be batman, now! [ laughter ] >> you nailed him. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you nailed him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i like this. let's just show the cover of it right here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: "kitchen revelry." >> yeah. >> jimmy: you've got to be proud of this. congratulations on this. >> thank you. >> jimmy: let's talk about the show. you're back on tv! >> yeah. i'm so excited. >> jimmy: now, what -- what is "legends" about? tell us what it's about. >> so, "legends" is a spy drama. and we play these agents in the dco which is a deep cover the fbi. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> and we have an amazing cast. martin odum. >> jimmy: oh! he's a great actor. >> i mean, he's amazing. he was on "game of throwns" "patriot games," "lord of the rings." a gravitas to it. >> jimmy: mmm. >> and you know, they us current events. all different things kind of weave this intricately told story of the behind the scenes of these agents. and so, you don't really see them when you're on point and when things are going well. you see when they make a a mistake and how they crumble after. so it has that has that "bourne" element to it. >> jimmy: yeah! yeah, 'cause that's -- that's the thing. you don you really are. you go, "wait." >> yes! >> jimmy: "am i the fa
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or am i --" >> right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is someone controlling -- is someone the puppet master? >> i mean, that's question of identity and who am i? so, that's what we come back to on the show. >> jimmy: oh. love it. >> you know, that question. and it's, it's really riveting. i'm proud to be part of it. >> jimmy: i love t shows. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they're my favorite. i love them s >> oh good. >> jimmy: you guys, ali larter. "legends" pr august 13 on tnt. [ cheers and applause ] gotta check it out. go get the cookbook. look at this right there, pick it up. if you can, get it. congratulations. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: you look beautiful. >> you're the best. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> thank you. >> jimmy: standup with andy woodhull when we get back, everybody. come on back! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a very funny comedian making his network tv debut with us tonight. he'll be performing at the brouhaha festival in cincinnati august 21st through 23rd. this is a big moment. i'm very excited for this guy. please give a warm "tonight show" welcome to the hilarious andy woodhull. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you very much. thank you. that's great. i just became a father. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. my kids are 10 and 12. [ laughter ] it goes by so fast, doesn't it? sometimes it feels like it all happened to another guy and that i just married their mom when they were 10 and 12.
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[ laughter ] that is what happened. i'm a stepfather. i love my stepdaughters. i got two of them. i love them so much it scares me. because it's been guarantied to me from other stepparents that there's going to be a day when i'm trying to teach them something and they're going to look back at me and go, "i don't have to listen to anything you have to say. you're not my real dad." it's going to break my heart when that happens. but it does make me feel better to know there could be another day when i'm going to be in a a principal's office or a a police station -- [ laughter ] and a stranger will be yelling at me, and i'm going to get to go, "you know what? i don't have to listen to anything you have to say. those are not my real daughters." yeah. [ cheers and applause ] you should get their real dad on the phone right now. that's probably where they got that weed in the first place. [ laughter ] i didn't know if i would be ready to be a husband, the head of a household. i used to live alone a year ago.
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i'm not sure i was qualified to be the head of that household. [ laughter ] my apartment got robbed last year while i was living alone. i got so scared i started to cry, and i called the police. i said, "you need to get over here. there's been crime. you have some crime fighting to do." [ laughter ] and then, six hours later, one police officer showed up and she was wearing shape-ups. [ laughter ] that's what you wear to fight crime in my neighborhood? curved bottom workout shoes? i would be more comfortable if you had a mask and a cape on right now. [ laughter ] is it intimidating to the criminals when you're chasing them down, and they're looking back over their shoulder like, "how could i ever hope to get away when her legs and ass are getting stronger with every step she takes?" [ laughter and applause ] so i didn't know if i was ready. and then, something happened, and i knew i was ready. and i offer as advice to any
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single moms out there. you want to see if your boyfriend is ready to marry you? do what my wife did. have your kids give your boyfriend lice. that's how you know it's real. [ laughter ] she called me last fall, and she said, "you might have lice." i wish she would have been calling to tell me that i had a a std. at least that's something that adults get. and i can go to the doctor and get some medicine. i don't even know what to do about lice. do i have to find an elementary school to get tested at? [ laughter ] do i have to bust into a front office? somebody get me a school nurse, stat. you know what? have her check me for scoliosis while she's at it. [ laughter ] it's been a while. been a while. [ applause ] does this elementary school take obamacare? [ laughter ] here's what i really had to do. i had to call my friends and say, "hey, pal, will you come
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over for a minute?" he goes, "what for?" and i said, well, i was hoping that you would comb my hair for a while. [ laughter ] i was hoping that you would really carefully comb my hair, maybe pick through it with a a number 2 pencil if you have one on you. and then, i'm going to need you to shampoo me. lather me up, buddy. it says on the bottle of the lice shampoo that you shouldn't apply it to yourself. how many of you think you have a friend that would be a good enough friend to come over and shampoo the parasites out of your hair? [ laughter and applause ] i can tell you from experience that i have zero friends that are that good of friend. all my friends are like, "hey, man, couldn't i just look at your junk, let you know if it looks weird or something?" [ laughter ] so we had lice together, and now we couldn't be more in love. we've only had one fight in almost ten months of marriage. here's what it was. i was unpacking my boxes after we moved in together.
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my wife saw me and she goes, "what are you doing with those dishes? you bought those when you were living with another woman, and i don't want another woman's dishes in my home." and i get where she's coming from. maybe you agree with her point of view as well. but before you decide that she's right and i'm wrong, i'd like to remind you that my wife has two daughters. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i don't think i'm being unreasonable. [ laughter ] i'm just trying to say that you show up with the picnic with no basket of your own. that's all i'm trying to say. if you want to get into specifics, i would like to point out that my dishes don't kind of look like my ex-girlfriend. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] my dishes don't go over to my ex-girlfriend's house every
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other weekend, and then come home and tell us how much more fun it is in her cabinet. [ laughter ] thank you very much, guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's exactly the way to do it, buddy. andy woodhull right here! andy woodhull. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: my thanks to jeff bridges, ali larter, andy woodhull! the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen! oh my goodness. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye-bye, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, chris pratt, laverne cox,


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