tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC October 31, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT
host and author, brad meltzer. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everyone. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. let's get started with this. congratulations to the san francisco giants. last night, the giants beat the kansas city royals in game seven to win the world series. and finally, finally, an excuse for the city of san francisco to have a parade. [ laughter and applause ] so exciting. because i think -- i think they're going to be really good at it.
[ light laughter ] this is really cool. apple ceo tim cook wrote an article this week coming out as gay and saying that he's tried to maintain a basic level of privacy. said users of apple's icloud, "yeah, good luck with that." [ laughter ] good luck. [ applause ] after cook came out as gay, a member of russian parliament has called for him to be banned from russia for life. at which point, everyone in ukraine came out as gay. [ laughter and applause ] interesting, interesting chess move by the people of ukraine. well, unfortunately, ebola is still in the news. today, kaci hickox, the nurse who was kept in an isolation tent in new jersey earlier this week, defied a quarantine order and went for a bike ride with her boyfriend. so, it is official. there is nothing that will get you out of a bike ride with your girlfriend.
[ laughter and applause ] "we're still going? i just assumed we wouldn't have to go. there's cops outside. i know i said i'd go. i just thought everything changed after you got ebola." [ laughter ] kim jong-un has been -- "this is not the worst thing that's ever happened. stop saying me not going on a bike ride is the worst thing that's ever happened." "i just got ebola." [ laughter ] kim jong-un is back in the news today. north korea released photos of kim jong-un sitting in the cockpit of a fighter jet. said kim jong-un, "i was standing!" [ laughter and applause ] "you guys have to stop doing that! oh, i could just kill someone! oh, i can kill someone!" [ laughter ]
this is interesting. michael bay is reportedly in talks to direct a new film about the benghazi scandal. said bay, "it will be an honest depiction of the events as they happened. also, hillary clinton will be played by megan fox." [ laughter ] listen to this -- after three years of work, the sistine chapel at the vatican has installed a new air conditioning and lighting system. said michelangelo, "oh, thanks for doing it now instead of when i was sweating my balls off in the dark for five years." [ laughter and applause ] in case you're wondering, this is how you turn on the lights in the sistine chapel. [ light laughter ] you know, like the guy. that's man and then that -- that's how god does it. god does it like this. and man -- you know, man be turning lights on like this. god be -- [ laughter ]
only cause it's -- [ laughter ] you thought that would work, right? yeah. that was the sistine chapel of jokes. [ laughter ] this is a shame. a 16-year-old chicago high school student had his bionic arm stolen from his family's car while he was attending class. the most amazing part of this story is that a 16-year-old boy with a bionic arm ever left his bedroom. [ laughter and applause ] "mom! i need batteries!" [ laughter ] i don't know what to make of this story. a former utah gubernatorial candidate is facing a year and a half in prison for knowingly using an aircraft to harass
wildlife and pursuing a migratory bird after he used a motorized paraglider to chase a barn owl. [ light laughter ] that could be bad news for him. do you know what they do to convicted migratory bird pursuers in prison? [ laughter ] i was surprised to hear this. kellogg's has reported a 13% drop in profits this quarter after sales of breakfast foods and snacks fell in the u.s. when asked how he's doing tony the tiger replied, "not great. not great, man." [ laughter and applause ] and finally, police in germany are looking for a woman who robbed a pharmacy by squirting her breast milk at employees while she grabbed money from the register.
[ laughter ] the police aren't looking to arrest her, they just want to see her do it again. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how's everybody doing tonight? 8g band, how you guys doing? everybody good? great, great to see you. fred, it's been so lovely having you here this week. and one of my favorite things about having you here is when you're here, i can ask you about your incredible life. and you just do so many things, you accomplish so many things. sometimes i worry that when we talk about it, people at home think you might just be making it up off the top of your head. but i know you wouldn't do that. [ laughter ] so, i was so happy to hear today that you have invented, just in time, a new halloween candy for kids.
>> fred: yes. >> seth: that's great. what -- [ laughter ] you have to tell me all about it. what is it? >> fred: it's a handful of maple syrup. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. so -- >> fred: and that's what it's called. >> seth: so, it's called a handful of maple syrup. so, it's not just a handful of maple syrup? >> fred: well, what you do is when you go to the store, there's a big vat of maple syrup. and then to buy it, you know, you've got -- you know, like, this amount and you pay for it. but if you want more than that, you have to bring more people with you. you know, so for trick-or-treaters, you can give them the maple syrup. [ light laughter ] >> seth: so, they won't serve you it in a vat, they only sell it by the handful? >> fred: yes, yeah. >> seth: so, if i say i have 100 kids coming to my house for halloween, i have to make 100 trips? >> fred: but that's for you to arrange, yes. [ laughter ] or you can have 100 people or 99 people with you. >> seth: right. >> fred: but don't forget that -- well there's -- there's also paying for it. i thought about two but -- there's the -- [ laughter ] you know what i mean? wallet stuff and everything like that. >> seth: yeah.
>> fred: i don't know how many errands you've got to run during the day, if there's other things you have to do. so, you've got to sort of maintain it while you get home, you know? >> seth: and so, obviously it seems like you'd have an advantage if you had a larger hand. >> fred: yes, you would. but the advantage is for the kids. you see what i'm saying? they get more maple syrup. >> seth: i see. but then if you have a man's hand worth of maple syrup and the kids come to your house, what happens when you pour the maple syrup in their child hands? >> fred: the maple syrup in the child's hand? they should put it in their bag or whatever. [ laughter ] and you just -- you know, just in. and then the next amount for the next kid and everything like that. so, you know -- >> seth: that's great. >> fred: everyone loves maple syrup. >> seth: they do, they do. so, a handful of maple syrup. >> fred: that's what it's called. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, congratulations -- >> fred: thank you. >> seth: congratulations, fred. i'm so excited. i hope i see it tomorrow out trick-or-treating. >> fred: happy halloween. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: also, very exciting weekend in new york city, the new york city marathon is this weekend. and our bassist, sid butler, is going to be running in his first marathon. [ cheers and applause ] so, we're wishing him luck. and sid, i want to tell you
something as someone who has run a couple of marathons. there are two things. one, is you will finish and you will never forget the sense of accomplishment. and two, you will never stop telling people you ran a marathon. [ light laughter ] it will -- it's what will drive you to finish because you'll know as soon as i'm done, i can start -- i can go to cocktail parties, i can go to dinner parties, and i can just always steer the conversation back to the fact that i ran a marathon and therefore am a little bit better than you. [ laughter ] and i mean, it's immediate. like, you finish and you catch your breath and you just start telling people. [ light laughter ] also, i know i'm not the first person to tell you this and i know you're being stubborn. do not run it with your bass. just -- hey, you've got to take your bass off. i know it's your good luck charm, but by the 17th mile you'll be so upset that you ran with that bass on. we have an excellent show for you tonight. from "new girl," zooey deschanel is here. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to talk to her. also stopping by from the new nbc show, "marry me," ken marino is with us. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll be talking with author
brad meltzer about his new series, "lost history." [ cheers and applause ] very -- looking forward to all our guests. now, we've mentioned it's halloween. we here at "late night" are big fans of halloween. and since it's tomorrow, we thought we'd share some tips to help you pick the right costume in a little segment we're calling "halloween costume dos and don'ts." ♪ [ applause ] all right, let's get started. do -- wear a topical costume. like, the white house gate jumper or someone doing the ice bucket challenge. it's both fun and relevant. don't -- wear blackface. just don't do it. [ laughter ] i know it might seem self-explanatory but every halloween someone thinks, "this will be a good idea." if you're white and you want to go as beyonce, just find a suitable wig and don't wear pants. or just go as kesha because she's scarier. [ laughter ] next up, do -- wear something that shows your face.
a mask might seem good at first, but you'll end up smelling like hot rubber by the end of the night. don't -- wear blackface. [ laughter ] i know i said this before but it's really important that you don't wear blackface. and you can't say it's not a big deal because that's all in the past and now we're over it. because there are some things that were handled so poorly in the past that they can never be rehabilitated, like lead paint or the first name adolf. also, the risk just isn't worth the reward. think of the happiest you've ever been in a good halloween costume and then think of the saddest you've ever been when everyone calls you a racist. that's like breaking your sobriety for an amstel light. it's just not worth it. [ laughter ] just drink a seltzer with a pretzel in it, it tastes the same. now, you might be wondering, "what if i'm black? can i dress up as a white person?" which brings me to another don't. i don't know. [ laughter ] i mean -- [ cheers and applause ] probably?
the wayans brothers do it in their movies and they seem to get away with it. but why would you want to when you can just go as beyonce? what i do know is, do -- dress weather appropriate. it's october, it's cold, you want to be scary but not shivering. and finally, don't wear blackface. people will lose respect for you. and remember, you're an adult in a halloween costume, so people don't have a ton of respect for you to begin with. also, if your excuse is "there were no black people at the party," that's worse. also, that's a terrible party. [ laughter ] have fun being cornered by a ninja turtle who wants to talk to you about crossfit all night. so, this has been "halloween costume dos and the don'ts." have fun out there tomorrow. we'll be back with more "late night." oh, i almost forgot -- don't wear blackface. don't wear blackface. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ really... it's not worth it. no worries. i got this.
just don't have any regrets. cuervo. have a story. ♪ drop and roll ♪ drop it more...drop ♪ i wanna know your name ♪ i wanna, i wanna know your name... ♪ ♪ you got me droppin' the cut ♪ ♪ you got me droppin' it down... ♪ ♪ ♪ name droppin' on them boys with the tags, don't stop ♪ ♪ me and my crew just droppin' and dancin' ♪ ♪ stop, stop and drop it ♪ you got me droppin' it up ♪ ♪ you got me droppin' it down you'd do that for me? really? yeah, i'd like that. who are you talking to? uh, it's jake from state farm. sounds like a really good deal. jake from state farm at three in the morning. who is this? it's jake from state farm. what are you wearing, jake from state farm? [ jake ] uh... khakis. she sounds hideous. well she's a guy, so...
[ male announcer ] another reason more people stay with state farm. get to a better state. ♪ your heart is precious.. one of many ways to support its health is new truheart, from one a day. it's the only heart health supplement with ingredients to both help lower bad cholesterol and support healthy blood pressure and also includes co q 10 try new truheart
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. now, i was walking home the other night and i thought i heard a car alarm go off but it turns out it was just a really drunk girl yelling at a parking meter. [ laughter ] and i was so excited to see it was one of my favorite people in the world. and i thought i'd have her on the show to see what her plans are for halloween. so please welcome heiress to the warbucks fortune and new york socialite, party girl grownup annie! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: welcome. >> seth! >> seth: grownup annie, how are you? >> trick or treat! >> seth: oh, okay. i'll take a treat. >> okay. >> seth: uh -- i don't want to eat that m&m. [ light laughter ] aw, it melts in your mouth, not in your hands. these are my hands. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, okay. so -- so how have you been, i don't grownup annie? >> not great, seth. >> seth: oh. >> my nude photos are all over the internet. >> seth: oh, that's terrible, was your phone hacked? >> no i sold them to a website. [ laughter ] >> seth: then why are you angry? >> i didn't get the price i wanted. >> seth: okay, so moving on, grownup annie, what are you planning on wearing for halloween? >> well, seth, i found religion lately. so i was thinking about being something from the bible. >> seth: oh, that's great to hear grownup annie, what is it? >> the burning bush. [ laughter ]
yeah. i figured it would be an easy costume for me because my bush already looks like it's burning. >> okay, that's enough. >> it feels like it too. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's more than enough. that's way past enough. >> well, i was going to do go blackface but then you got all preachy. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, that's fine. that's very funny. >> yes. yes, i know. very funny. then i thought i could be pinocchio. you know, because i really connect with pinocchio. >> seth: okay, i can see that, he was also a child, out on his own, going on adventures just like you. >> no, because he gets a boner on his face. and so do i every once in a while. [ laughter ] >> seth: grownup annie. that is not a boner on pinocchio's face. >> yeah, that's what pinocchio said too but then it grew an inch. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. >> thank god. >> seth: all right. i'm sorry, so you are going as pinocchio for halloween? >> no, i decided on something even better. >> seth: okay, what was that?
>> it's clever and smart and very me. >> seth: that's great grown up annie, what is it? >> sexy grownup annie. >> seth: what would your costume even be? >> i don't know. this? [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. so -- so it's pretty much the same. >> well, you know what i say, if the dress fits then it is too big. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. oh, no. you have another one? please don't eat that m&m. >> that was an m and vicodin. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> it's a trick and a treat. >> seth: oh, annie, you're a mess. >> i deserve a treat, seth, i've been working very hard at my new business. >> seth: oh, you have a new business, what is it? >> little orphan panties. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, boy. i don't -- what is that? >> well, if you're anything like me, and i know you are. [ light laughter ] >> seth: no, i'm not. >> we're the same. you often leave your panties at someone's apartment. and this is a service that goes back to retrieve the orphaned underwear. [ laughter ] it's just like uber. >> seth: no that's -- that's
nothing like uber. >> no, don't say that, seth that makes me sad. >> seth: this is all making me sad too. [ light laughter ] >> well, you know what always cheers me up? singing a song. sing it with me, seth. >> seth: all right. ♪ tomorrow tomorrow i love you tomorrow ♪ ♪ you're only cocaine away [ laughter ] >> seth: no, it's not -- it's not cocaine. it's only a day away. >> oh, cocaine makes a better day! [ laughter ] >> seth: that's nice. grownup annie, everyone. we'll be right back with zooey deschanel. >> take it, take it. >> seth: i do not want that. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ started my camry. drove to her wedding. did not forever hold my peace. [laughing] wow! the bold new camry.
one bold choice leads to another. toyota. let's go places. lipton fresh brewed iced tea is the naturally refreshing way to enjoy your meals. it's the flavor we all savor, does any food a favor. you gotta be (ah) more (ah) tea! tea-riffic! lipton. be more tea. muppets most wanted, now on blu-ray and digital. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
running out of more things. making more runs. running to. running from. running around in circles. sometimes you like running. but wouldn't it be nice if you didn't always have to? introducing target subscriptions. free scheduled delivery of your favorite essentials. now running out no longer requires running out.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. our first guest is a very talented actress who you know by films like "500 days of summer" and "elf." you can see her every week on the popular series "new girl," which airs on tuesdays on fox. [ cheers and applause ] let's take a look. >> how could you -- what are you doing? you do not put drugs down the shower drain. have you never seen a drug movie before. >> i don't know. i saw "ray." >> that does not count. >> i might have ruined winston's chances of being a cop. >> well, we can cry about that later. we are going to take the drugs now, and we're going to go flush them.
all right? >> what are you doing? come on, help me. pick up the drugs. jess. >> i think that the meth entered my blood stream through my boob skin. >> that's not a thing. that's not how drugs work. >> i'm the one on meth. don't tell me how drugs work! >> seth: please welcome zooey deschanel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome, welcome. you look beautiful. >> thank you. you also look beautiful. >> seth: i'm so happy you're here. >> wow. >> seth: they have excellent taste. our audience tonight has excellent taste. >> oh, thank you, audience. [ cheers ] i'm going to take you guys home with me because you're very enthusiastic. >> seth: they are very enthusiastic. >> what -- what a crowd. [ cheers ] >> seth: you're so good at this. you're so good at crowd banter. >> you guys are great. >> seth: oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] >> and attractive. i can tell. >> seth: wow. >> i think so. i feel it.
>> seth: yeah, they're not really lit to tell but i saw them earlier, and they're very attractive. >> hey! >> seth: there's always a couple of duds, but mostly i would say -- [ laughter ] >> in all, the average -- they average out to attractive. >> seth: they're above average. congratulations. you're doing the show. it's so good. but this year, because of the world series, no halloween episode. >> yeah, too bad. >> seth: a bummer for you or are you super psyched because you don't have to dress up? >> well, normally, like, i love dressing up for halloween myself. but on the show, i keep every year having the hope that they're going to have me dress up as someone attractive. >> seth: right. >> but that never happens. >> seth: yeah, you've had some -- so do you want to tell me? >> i don't want to call them duds. >> they're not duds, yeah. but -- >> but, duds. >> seth: there's this one, which is? >> woody allen zombie. >> seth: zombie woody allen. not a super -- not the sexiest. >> yeah, not sexy like, in any way. >> seth: no, zombie not sexy, woody allen not sexy, you combine them. >> combine them? yeah, that's just -- joey ramona quimby. >> seth: that's pretty good. >> and, by the way -- by the way, i don't remember
what it was at the table read, but it was something so much worse that i had like a call with them, and it was like, "what, what, like, what did i do?" [ laughter ] >> seth: i like that you managed to argue up -- >> and they were like, "what about joey ramona quimby?" i guess that's like -- and i was like, "that's really attractive compared to the other things." >> seth: right. and that's not bad. joey ramona quimby has -- >> yeah, it's not bad. >> seth: yeah. >> it's not attractive. >> seth: no, but it's not bad. >> but it's not bad. >> seth: you have had prince on your show. >> yeah. >> seth: you've had taylor swift on your show. >> yeah. >> seth: you -- and then i heard kobe bryant stopped by your set. how was that? is he a fan of the show? >> i honestly don't know. >> seth: okay. >> one day they were like, "kobe bryant's on set. do you want to say hi?" i said, you know, "sure?" but -- but it was kind of weird because i wouldn't have guessed that he would, like, be our audience, i guess. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> but, yeah, he was there. and, you know, sometimes we'll have these kind of great, great visitors to set. and i'll feel really good about,
you know, our show. like, well, we have some really, you know, high-end fans. >> seth: sure. >> but then my sister's show is on the same lot, so we'll -- >> seth: so that's "bones." >> "bones." >> seth: yeah, there you go. [ cheers and applause ] we shoot on the same lot. and so she'll be like, "kobe bryant was on our set." and i'll be like, oh. i guess he just whores himself out to every tv set on the fox lot. >> seth: or he went to one of yours first -- i don't know which one. >> yeah. >> seth: -- and then, he got there. they said, "here she is." and he's like, "no, the other one." [ laughter ] the other deschanel girl's show. >> or he was like, "i like these deschanels so much i want to visit the other set." >> seth: right. he went to his agent. his agent said, "what do you want, kobe? what do you want next year? >> and he's like deschanel. >> seth: do you want a shoe contract? do you want a jet?" he said, "i want to visit two sets -- "new girl," "bones." >> one's -- yeah. one's a drama. one's a comedy. >> seth: yeah. but one -- >> it's one convenient location on pico. >> seth: classic, classic kobe. >> yeah, classic kobe.
>> seth: you -- you're also a singer. and congratulations, this is the fifth album for she & him. >> yeah, our fifth record. >> seth: so awesome. [ cheers and applause ] and -- >> i'm so proud -- i love this record cover. i'm like -- >> seth: it's a really, really good record cover. >> i makes me look -- well, matt always looks cool. but i look cool too. >> seth: it's the opposite of zombie woody allen. >> i know! >> seth: it's total opposite. this one's called "classics," so it's covers. >> yes. >> seth: how do you pick your covers? >> well -- it was all songs that we kind of grew up loving or, you know, recently discovered that are, you know, classic songs. >> seth: that's really exciting. i can't wait to listen to it. >> thank you. thank you! i think it's exciting as well. >> seth: i saw you, beginning of the summer, you were going to shoot a movie in morocco. >> oh, yeah, yeah. >> seth: and did you have it -- like, sometimes you talk to actors, and they go someplace cool and they never have any time to look around. >> right. >> seth: but you did -- >> i had a ton of time. >> seth: okay, got ya. >> i had a very small part in this movie, and i was there for a very long time. [ laughter ] so -- because it was, you know, it's a bill murray movie. it was, like, a very exciting opportunity for me. and i -- you know, it was a
great, great project. but i had a lot of free time. so, you know, there's a lot to do in morocco. >> seth: yeah. >> it's a cool place. but if you've ever been there, the culture's quite different. and so, if you go to a store there, they have these like markets, the souqs. and you walk around. and if you even look at something, they try to sell it to you. and then they start bargaining with you before you say anything. and i'm like, "no, no, i'm just looking." i just -- i just -- i literally just actually just turned my head. and they'll be like, "20, 15, 10!" and it makes me very nervous to bargain. even if i'm at a flea market, i'm like, "just tell me the price and i'll pay it." i don't want to deal with -- like, i'm sorry. is that okay? like, i don't want to pay less than it's worth. so, i'd rather just like pay a premium for knowing how much it actually costs, rather than like starting at 30 and ending up at five. like, just tell me it's five, and i'll give you 10. >> seth: right. you're bargaining -- they'd be
like, "25, 15, 10, 5!" and you're like -- >> i'll give you 30. >> seth: "eight, eight." >> i'll give you 30. like, just like -- i can't hear another number. it's too many. it's very stressful. >> seth: i was very excited about this. you went to a shred for your life -- >> yeah. >> seth: -- concert. >> guitar convert. >> seth: -- which was just -- a contest of people guitar shredding. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. here in new york city. >> seth: here in new york. >> you wouldn't expect it here in new york city. >> seth: you play banjo. you play ukulele. you play piano. >> yeah. >> seth: not -- >> i don't shred. >> seth: those are not shredding instruments. >> no. >> seth: but you went to -- why did you go to a shred for your life? >> i just was there to watch. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> because it was pretty cool. and you know, there were a lot of great guitar players. actually, everybody who entered was really good. then some of the people were trying to win by wearing crazy costumes. >> what was the craziest costume -- >> there was a guy with a horse head. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> there was a guy with the horse head, but the best part wasn't him shredding. it was him trying to plug his gear in. he had a couple of pedals, and
he's like -- like this and he's down on the ground. and then like -- you see all these people trying to help him, and he's like, "no!" and it's trying to plug in. and like, it's like when you try to plug in your phone charger in the dark. he's like this. and he would not take this horse head off. and he had a crop top, like a bare midriff crop top. and he could -- not only that, but he had -- you're like, "you have pedals?" and -- but he couldn't even plug in his -- he couldn't even plug in his guitar. so i'm like, "you can't plug in your -- you should at least practice with your horse head on." >> seth: yeah. >> right? >> seth: i think that goes for any kids out there that are hoping to one day, you know, shred in a contest with a horse head. you've got to practice with the horse head at home. >> you have to. yes, you're going to wear the horse head. like, i don't think there were any eye holes or anything. and like -- i mean, you could shred with the horse head on, but he couldn't plug in. and -- >> seth: i think this is a greek myth that teaches you about hubris. >> it's so true. >> seth: yeah. >> i think it is.
>> seth: i like he wouldn't take it off because it would ruin the idea that a horse was playing guitar. >> yeah. >> seth: he's like, "there are kids here!" >> exactly. but it made me laugh so hard. and i was videotaping it. and then my phone was like -- like moving because i was laughing so hard. >> seth: the laughing. >> yeah. >> seth: thank god. >> but the plugging in was the best part. >> seth: i'm glad he couldn't see that. because that would have broken his heart. >> yeah, i agree. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> yes! thank you so much for having me! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: zooey deschanel, everybody! "classics" will be released -- there it is. "classics" will be released on december 2nd. and "new girl" airs tuesday nights on fox. we'll be right back with ken marino. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i lost my sight in afghanistan, but it doesn't hold me back. i go through periods where it's hard to sleep at night, and stay awake during the day. non-24 is a circadian rhythm disorder that affects up to 70% of people who are totally blind.
come on! let's hide in the attic. no. in the basement. why can't we just get in the running car? are you crazy? let's hide behind the chainsaws. smart. yeah. ok. if you're in a horror movie, you make poor decisions. it's what you do. this was a good idea. shhhh. be quiet. i'm being quiet. you're breathing on me! if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. head for the cemetery! [cou♪hing] [dog: groaning] ♪ big j's back. cooling and soothing halls air, what are you breathing? yei could come by your place.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest tonight is an emmy award winning actor and comedian you know from films such as "wanderlust" and "wet hot american summer," and shows such as "children's hospital" and "burning love." he's currently starring in the new sitcom, "marry me," which airs tuesday nights at 9:00 right here on nbc. let's take a look. >> five years since our first date. >> five year. >> you don't meet many couples who just date for five years. >> no. [ gasps ] >> oh, my god, this is so great. oh, my god, jake.
what are we doing, jake? seriously, because i have waited -- >> the soy, the soy. i'm allergic. >> do you have an epipen? [ bleep ] i mean -- thank you. thank you for that. >> want me to pull it out -- >> no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. >> seth: please welcome ken marino! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome. >> thank you. >> seth: great to have you here. congrats on the show. >> thank you very much. >> seth: i -- very excited to have you here. i first was familiar with you from "the state." the great mtv sketch show. >> thank you. >> seth: and i can't believe, 20 years. >> 20-plus years. >> seth: 20-plus years. >> it's been a long time. we actually just did a reunion show. jack black had this comedy
festival supreme in l.a., and we all got together, the 11 of us. >> seth: that's really exciting. >> it was a blast. >> seth: and you all -- >> i got to do -- >> seth: you got to do -- >> i get to do my character louie, who -- thank you so much. [ laughter ] louie, who -- he's a guy who runs around with tennis balls and says "i want to dip my balls" very enthusiastically. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. oh, now you remember. well, to be fair, the takeaway from that character wasn't, "oh, louie." >> that's right. that's right, that's right. and also to be fair, it was a quarter of a century ago. so anyway, so now -- but there are still like people who remember louie. and so, even today, there are people who come up to me, and they scream at me when they see. and they go, "hey, louie, i want to dip my balls in it!" but i'm with my 7-year-old and my 5-year-old. >> seth: right, yeah. [ laughter ] >> so now i have to somehow explain to my kids what that's all about. >> seth: yeah. >> so i don't have any really good explanation of what that is. what i say is, "this is how adult strangers say hello to
each other." [ laughter ] >> seth: so it seems like you basically set a time bomb for your kids -- >> that's right. >> seth: -- that will go off when they're adults. >> well, i mean, my son didn't even listen. he's still -- now he's run around saying "i want to dip my balls in it" to strangers. because he thinks he's an adult. >> seth: yeah. that's a totally natural thing for kids to. >> yeah. >> seth: this show is -- we saw from the clip. you're a couple who's been engaged a couple of times. you're with the great casey wilson. >> yes. >> seth: and now -- >> the best. >> seth -- now you're finally engaged, and you're navigating that. you're a parent. >> my parents just celebrated their 50th anniversary. >> seth: 50th anniversary. look, we have a photo of them. look at that beautiful couple. [ cheers and applause ] >> there they are. young lovers. young lovers. they're here tonight. >> seth: that's so exciting that they're here. >> my mom's wearing a -- my mom's wearing a -- >> seth: there they are. [ cheers and applause ] wow, a halloween shirt! >> she's wearing her halloween shirt. they look exactly the same. >> seth: yeah. she's dressed up for halloween. and he's dressed like a guy who
didn't want to be cut to. >> that's right. [ laughter ] so my wife and i thought it would be a nice gift for them, because they've never been out of the country, to get them -- to bring them to italy for their 50th anniversary. and so they were a little nervous about it. and a week before i called up my dad and i'm like, "he's going to be so thrilled. he's going to have all these questions about italy." and i called then up. i'm like, "dad, you excited about going to italy?" and he goes, "irene said the food isn't good in italy." [ laughter ] and i'm like, first of all -- like, anybody you talk to about italy, first thing they say is, "best meal i've had in my life." >> seth: right. >> you know? but it turned out fine. we went to italy. my dad, every meal was like, "oh, this is the best meal i've ever had." it was great. does anybody in family go -- you know, when they eat? >> seth: no. >> that's a sign of them really enjoying it. they want to get every bit of fusilli out of their teeth. with an italian toothpick, you know? mm, mm, so good, good, good meal. your show, it's written and created by david caspe.
>> yes. >> seth: yes? >> yes, and it's been -- it's been a blast. it's been crazy hours and a lot of lines. and so i give myself, you know, just to get through the day, to make the day -- >> seth: right. >> i put word reminders around the set sometimes. just to kind of -- >> seth: so like a cheat sheet? what would you call it? >> no, like -- word reminder. cheat sheet is such a dirty word. you know, a word reminder. word reminder. >> seth: we have some photos. so this is an example of one of your word reminders. so that's a scene where there's peanuts. >> that's right. yeah. and then, i just pick up a peanut. and when i do, i look at my line, then i say my line. >> seth: all right. we have another one. so explain this to me. >> that is -- casey -- just to the right -- there's the camera. there's my line. then that's just to remind me of that line. >> seth: okay. >> and then we make our day. >> seth: that's great. so, that's very helpful. they seem like very short lines. >> well, it's just little reminders, just word reminders, not cheat sheets. but, i'll be honest with you. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. right. >> i can be honest with you, right? i mean, we're friends. >> seth: we're friends.
>> i sometimes do it in real life, at home with my kids and stuff. >> seth: okay. >> and my family -- here's an example of -- like, my son plays a lot of video games, so i tell him to turn it off. >> seth: you wouldn't remember unless you had it -- >> yeah, i need the word reminder. >> it reminds you. it's a word reminder, yeah. >> word reminder. >> seth: do you have another one for us? >> yeah, my daughter. >> seth: gotcha. >> clean your room -- she's not happy about it. but if you saw the full picture, the room's a mess. >> seth: the room's a mess, yeah. >> yeah. here's another one. >> seth: okay. oh, yeah, okay. >> want to go outside and potty. >> seth: because you -- >> i wouldn't remember. then a dog would just, you know, pee-pee and kaka all over the house. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. no, that's really helpful. i mean, it's great that you find so many uses for it. >> the truth is -- and i can be honest with you, seth, right? >> seth: yeah, of course. >> i'm even doing it right now. yeah. >> seth: oh, my goodness. but how would you have known what we were going to talk about? >> i know. i know, it's crazy. [ laughter and applause ]
>> seth: this is weird. but again, we're friends. i have to admit -- i've been doing it too. [ laughter ] you did a great web series, your wife wrote, called "burning love." >> yes. >> seth: that was a parody of "the bachelor." [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. >> seth: and it was great. >> thank you. >> seth: is it weird to be in something that your wife writes? do you feel she's trying to get any messages across to you with the writing? >> what she did was -- i had gained a little weight, and so she wrote this web series "burning love." thank you. [ cheers and applause ] where i was -- every other scene i was -- i had my shirt off. so i had some lose some weight. so a little advice to anybody, any of the ladies out there who want their husband or boyfriend to lose some weight -- just write a successful web series. >> seth: that's great. and if that works out, then you stay married 50 years. >> that's right. you stay married for 50 years. >> seth: they've been in a web series all 50 years. >> that's right, that's right. >> seth: ken marino, everybody. check out "marry me" tuesdays at 9:00 here on nbc.
we'll be right back with brad meltzer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sprint has done it again. first, there was the sprint family share pack. a family of 2, 4, or even 10, gets unlimited talk, text and 20gb of data to share with the entire family. for only $100/mo. that's double the high-speed data of at&t, verizon and t-mobile. double. the. data. and now, check out sprint's new unlimited plan. individual lines of unlimited data, talk and text. at just $50 a month per line. our lowest price ever. enjoy either plan with the iphone 6 for zero down. sprint. it's the best value in wireless.
>> seth: welcome back, everyone. our next guest is a best-selling author who hosted a show on the history channel called "brad meltzer's decoded." his new show lost history premieres tomorrow night on h2. let's take a look. >> over 150 historical and cultural artifacts are reported stolen every single month. have you seen this? the wright brothers' original patent for their flying machine, missing. the original apollo moon landing tape, gone. the original targeting map for hiroshima, and nagasaki. and even jfk's brain. my goal, track them down, every last one, and get them back to where they belong. but i can't do this without your help. >> seth: please welcome brad meltzer! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> seth: so, so happy to have you here. >> i appreciate it, thank you very much. >> seth: this is something i did not know about all these artifacts that are missing. and the one that really blew my mind is the moon rocks. no one knows where the moon rocks are. >> yeah, you know, what's crazy is neil armstrong, buzz aldrin, bring back these rocks. there's priceless, right? millions of dollars. which is the opposite of priceles [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> and -- >> seth: let me put a price on them for you. >> let me tell you exactly what it costs. >> seth: i feel like you're selling me moon rocks. >> right. >> seth: but for you, now here's the amazing deal. [ light laughter ] >> do you want buy it? i've got a deal.
it's like zooey's thing is, 5, 4 -- but the guy who steals it, we found out who steals it and he steals it to impress a girl. >> seth: really? >> and the thing is in the '80s i wore a white suit with shoulder pads to my junior high school prom, purple tie, to impress a girl. >> seth: yeah. i rode my bike down a flight of stairs to impress a girl. but you steal millions of dollars of moon rocks? you win, baby. [ light laughter ] right? like, that's it. like, i'm like -- you're the best theif. and he stole it like -- he actually pulled fingerprints off of the keypad. and i'm like, that's the plot of robert redford's "sneakers." >> seth: yeah. >> right? and "oceans 11, and 12 and 27." but that's how he did it. >> seth: i think it's great you're impressed by that. i still don't know if it would impress a girl. >> no, no. >> seth: you wanna come back to my place, i have the moon rocks. [ laughter ] >> right. >> seth: they look a lot like regular rocks. [ laughter ] but they're from the moon. [ laughter ] >> it's kind of like, the success of my white suit. >> seth: right. you probably had the same -- you write political thrillers. and -- which seems like the highest possible praise you could have is politicians like your books. and president bush, the first president bush, actually had you to his home. is this right? >> yeah, it's crazy because when i went there, we got letters from clinton and bush which they read the books which of course you think they're fake. but the first half hour we're there, he was convincing my wife -- tried to convince her -- >> seth: so, you're at his house. >> we're at his house, right, i'm watching tv. >> seth: you bring your wife. >> i bring my wife. he's basically trying to convince my wife he invented the phrase "you da man." and my wife is like brad you know president bush invented the phrase you da man? i'm like, he did not. he's lying to you right now.
she's just like, no, no he said it. barbara bush is like, george, don't tease the girl. you're suddenly like, oh my gosh, it's like presidential "i love lucy." [ laughter ] i love this moment. but yeah, it's -- if you're president you can just -- it's the best lie, you can pull off -- that's a good bit, that's a good joke. >> seth: that's a good bit. and by the way if your wife almost believes it george w. bush definitely believes it. >> oh, yeah, yeah, no. he was just like, dad invented you da man. [ laughter ] >> seth: my dad invented, you da man. >> which is good. i mean, he might have. >> seth: you have -- you have halloween coming up, you have kids? >> i do. >> seth: and you get very into it. i love when parents participate. we've got some photos. this is some "wayne's world" action there. [ applause ] >> yeah, that's this one. >> seth: that's great. this is this year? >> this is this year, that's going to be tomorrow night, yeah. >> seth: that's from this year. oh, wow. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, right. come on. but now what's this, what year is this? >> so, this is two years ago. >> seth: two years ago. >> this is me and my daughter. >> seth: you've got kiss. >> no, we take halloween very seriously. >> seth: very seriously. now i will say, thematically, "wayne's world" and kiss aren't things that kids today are super
into. >> right. yeah, no, no. >> seth: are you suggesting these? >> well, the thing is my kids -- we only show them '80s movies. >> seth: okay. >> so my daughter, we show them "wayne's world," and we show them "ferris bueller," but we don't tell them it's not the '80s anymore. [ laughter ] >> seth: got it. >> the whole thing is that -- what we like is they don't know. my son, he loves "rocky iv," and he loves like, "miracle" with the u.s. hockey team. but the odd part is he hates the russians now. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> like, he hates russia more than anybody. like and the best part of it is -- is my youngest son was having a play date and we found out that family was russian. and my oldest son is like dad. what? do you think they're going to kill us? [ laughter ] and i said to him like, i think they will. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> but the good part is when you really think about them, he's actually kind of on point with russia today. >> seth: yeah. he waited long enough, yeah. >> he did. it came around. he's like in style again. but he gets like facts wrong. sp he wants to tear down that wall. and like he hates this spot on my head, it's gorbachevian to him. >> seth: oh, wow. >> and so he hates anyone who has a beauty mark. >> seth: gotcha. >> but -- he likes jakob smirnoff. >> seth: okay, that's good. well, i like smirnoff as well.
>> i like jakob smirnoff too. but the thing is he has no idea. but again, don't tell him. >> seth: i won't. you know he's going to go off to school where you're not around and embarrass himself, right? >> oh, no, no, that's welcome to my life. [ light laughter ] >> seth: right, okay, gothca. so, you're just sending him through -- >> no, no, i'm just, you know, preparing him for disaster so he can be just like me. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, that's great. maybe one day -- maybe one day he'll steal some moon rocks and be a real hit with the ladies. [ laughter ] >> and wear a purple tie, white suit, shoulder pads. he's going to be like -- the thing is if he showed up in that white suit i'd be like, son, you look awesome. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah, well there you go. that's all a father can ask. >> right, and especially -- the thing was -- especially with that kiss costume. that one was my daughter's idea. dad, have an idea for a costume. and i'm thinking princess or something. i'm going to be like, this is great. and she's like, dad, we should be kiss. literally the car almost crashs right there. and i turn around, i go, we should be. [ laughter ] we should. like when you have a 7-year-old daughter that says you should be kiss, to me, you're done as a father. [ laughter ] i just want to like, spike the football and do the touchdown dance. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well congratulations on that wonderful costume and
but uh, i...oh...i actually tried the online thing... which uh, i dunno. i, i guess i'm just hoping for a caring and nurturing relationship, you know, one th...one that's going somewhere. uh, like i, i take them where they're going and they buy me chevron with techron. i mean, yeah, you know, what can i say, i'm a, i'm a romantic. [ male announcer ] your car takes care of you, care for it. chevron with techron. care for your car. alright, now i just look desperate. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to zooey deschanel, ken marino, brad meltzer and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
♪ >> carson: hey folks, it's your old pal carson daly here at queen of the night at the paramount hotel with tonight's "last call." on the show, we've got comedy from grant cotter, from the ice house. music courtesy of broods, from the el rey. but right now a spotlight segment on dan gilroy, the writer and director behind the new jake gylenhall thriller, "nightcrawler." let's take you to the surly goat for more. ♪ >> one night, we'd been working many hours and i gave jake great leeway to attempt and try things. and he knew at that point in the