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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  March 18, 2015 11:34pm-12:37am PDT

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at&t park. it is made of rerecycled shipping contain the erors out e in lot a and it is called the yard at mission rock and it features a rock garden and barbeque and it officially opens friday and will be open year-round. >> you can start at the coffee bar and then lunch and to the beer garden and just stay there all year. >> and yes, make friends with somebody who has season ticket, oh, yes. >> and you can see on the san francisco shot right now, a beautiful night and for tomorrow morn morning, a nice start with the upper 40s to low 50s and upward 70s inland tomorrow. >> and baseball is coming up. thank you for joining us. see you tomorrow. >> yes.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you! i feel the love! i feel the love. you guys looking good out there today. come on. oh, my gosh. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you guys are here. this is it.
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this is where you want to be. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show to be at. hot show tonight. >> steve: hot. >> jimmy: hot show. will pharrell is on the show. >> steve: will pharrell? [ laughter ] is he happy? >> jimmy: he's very, very happy, yep. chelsea peretti. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: and boots. >> steve: boots. >> jimmy: is on the show tonight. big, big show. guys, march madness. you guys got march madness? [ cheers and applause ] got march madness. who are you guys picking? everyone's picking kentucky, is that it? blue ace. yeah. blue ace. i never heard of -- i'm sorry there's too many -- there's too many -- there's too many colleges. sorry. [ laughter ] i don't even know what i'm doing. i fill it out, i just hand it in. everyone's filling out their brackets. jeb bush filled one out. you can tell he's running for president because his picks for the final four are iowa, iowa, iowa, and iowa. and come on, that's -- [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: clearly running for president. i saw president obama. he did the bracket too. he sat down with espn. and he said that he thinks the
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ncaa should reduce the shot clock for basketball games. yeah. then he said, and while they're at it, any way they can reduce the being president clock? [ laughter and applause ] take it down a year and a half? i'm ready to go! and get this. according to a professor at depaul university, if a person randomly fills out their march madness bracket, they have a a 1 in 9.2 quintillion chance of getting it perfect. or as gamblers put it, "so you're saying i got a chance? all right, let's do it. [ laughter and applause ] i'll put double down if that's my chances. quintillion?" i mean, it's not a septrillion? i didn't know quintillion was a a word, yeah. listen to this. in an interview in "playboy" magazine, dick cheney -- [ laughter ] does that sound right? >> steve: dick cheney? >> jimmy: in an interview with "playboy" magazine, dick cheney criticized president obama and said he's "the worst president of his lifetime without question."
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[ audience boos ] then cheney was like, "but enough talk, when do i take my clothes off?" [ laughter ] they're like, "no, that's not what this is all about." that's right dick cheney did an interview in "playboy's" latest issue, and believe it or not, they actually gave him the cover. take a look at this cover. [ laughter ] check out some of the stories in -- "compatibility quiz: is this baboon heart right for you?" [ applause ] then we have "when it's okay to shoot someone in the face." [ laughter ] and finally, "shock and awe: the first time she sees you naked." [ laughter and applause ] i mean, these are big stories that you want to read about in "playboy." "playboy" magazine's on stands today. this is great here. our pal, new jersey governor chris christie. [ laughter ] we love that guy. i mean, we really do. he was giving a speech yesterday about his state's budget trouble. and he placed a lot of the blame on the people who were in charge before he entered office. but listen to the way he put
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it. watch this. >> i'm like the guy who showed up for dinner at dessert, and then everybody went to go to the bathroom and never came back, and i got the check. that's fine. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: can we go back? let's take a look at the reaction of the lady behind him has when he starts talking about food. watch. >> i'm like the guy who showed up for dinner at dessert and then everybody went -- [ ding ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: you did not just talk about -- they're going to talk about you on "the tonight show." must be an emoji for "oh, no he didn't." [ laughter ] here's a big international story here. israeli prime minister benjamin netanyahu won re-election yesterday after a a really tight race. you know he had actually a lot of support here in the united states, including actor chuck norris. which explains chuck's new project, "walker: texas rabbi." [ laughter and applause ] i'll watch it. texas rabbi? of course, yesterday was
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st. patrick's day. you guys recovering? [ cheers and applause ] people were out partying all over the streets of new york. well, we wanted to have a a little fun with them. so we sent our writer arthur out there to ask people one question about the history of st. patrick's day. what they didn't know was that he never actually gets to the question. and you'll see just how patient and cool people are, even when they're drunk on st. patrick's day in new york city. i'll show you what i mean in a a new segment we call "the big question." take a look at this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the big question ♪ >> of course, you already know that st. patrick's day, or the feast of st. patrick if we're being technical, is a cultural and religious holiday held on march 17th. which is actually the traditional death date of st. patrick, who as everybody was the foremost patron saint of ireland. and that st. patrick's day was made an official christian feast day in the early 17th century that is observed by the catholic church. the anglican communion, especially the church of
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ireland. the eastern orthodox church and lutheran church. >> can we get to the question, please? >> and that the day commemorates st. patrick. and it's these sorts of traditions and customs that many would say bring not just irish people but people of all ethnicities, genders, races, and religious backgrounds together. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> so these annual practices -- hundreds upon -- >> thousands. >> -- hundreds. thousands upon thousands. even millions upon millions of young adults. older adults, old people. teenagers, children, toddlers, babies. smaller babies, and even smaller babies. so in keeping with the spirit of these traditions of these observances, to uphold these traditions year after year. so what i want to know is if you remember the significant aspects of the holiday. if we remember the color green's association with the flag used by the irish catholic confederation. if you remember the color's association with the irish nationalism. the phrase "wearing of the green" comes to mind. then i guess the real question is, looking at it logically and taking into account that much of what is known about st. patrick comes from the declaration.
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which, of course was written by patrick himself, as you know. >> yeah. but you know what you haven't mentioned. >> to convert the pagan irish to christianity, which you know, obviously is what i'm saying. so i guess all that said, i guess what i'm asking is how's it going? >> well, it's going well. >> awesome, great. thanks. back to you, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great job, arthur. oh, my goodness. new york city. that's fantastic. oh, man. you guys, this is cool. yesterday, nintendo announced that it finally has plans to develop games for smartphones, which caused their stock to go up 24% in one day. or as nintendo put it -- [ mario growing sound ] [ laughter ] and finally, i saw that the first government-run marijuana store opened up in washington state this week. and i think the employees are
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still getting used to their jobs selling weed. take a look at this video. >> a friendly bud-tender. >> kind of like bartenders. >> will help you find what you want. just bring your driver's license and responsibility to prove you're an adult. >> i'd really like to see a a positive, positive spin on it. it's not going to be like we're selling drugs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: or at least that's what i told my dad. [ laughter ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it has been a great week so far. there is more ahead. ben stiller will be here. [ cheers and applause ] jeremy piven will be here.
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ariana grande will be joining us. and it is not going to be "ew." seriously. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: but first, he's one of the biggest comedians on the planet. one of the nicest guys in the whole wide world. gosh, we love him so much. he and kevin hart have a new movie called "get hard." [ laughter ] no, no, no, no. it's -- >> steve: no. >> jimmy: it's in theaters next friday. it's about -- he's like a a dumb -- almost like an ignorant billionaire. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: and he's just like -- i mean, he's like -- he does almost like a ponzi scheme, and he gets caught and he goes to jail. and it's a maximum security prison. so he's trying to get tough. get hard. you know what i'm saying? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: so kevin hart is helping him get hard. [ laughter ] for jail. >> steve: yeah, for jail. >> jimmy: no, no. not like that. again, not like that. >> steve: helps him get hard. >> jimmy: like tough. yeah. like -- but what he doesn't realize is that kevin hart is a
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a normal dude, just a family guy. so he's just like making up things. and it's unbelievably funny. i watched it with a bunch of people. it was like, scenes where you're crying. you can't even look at the screen, it's too funny. you go "i have to stop this. can you pause the movie? because we have to stop." anyways, will ferrell is here. you guys. he's unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] kevin hart is great. it's a great movie. plus, from "brooklyn nine-nine," the hilarious chelsea peretti is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] that'll be fun. and we have music -- oh, my gosh. very excited about this. boots is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] sweeping the nation, boots. guys, it's wednesday. that means it's time to count down the hottest songs at the top of the charts right now. here we go. at number three we've got "sugar" by maroon 5. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: that's a good song. [ cheers ] number two, it's "thinking out loud" by ed sheeran. that's my jam. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic song. number one, it's "uptown funk" by mark ronson featuring
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bruno mars. [ cheers and applause ] that's a great song as well. so those are the top three songs. now let's take a look at the songs at the bottom of the charts. at number 99, it's "thinking out loud", but by scooby doo. i guess scooby doo is a bi ed sheeran fan. i didn't know that. i think we have a clip of the song. can we take a listen? ♪ when your legs don't work like they used to before shaggy and i can't sweep you off your feet ♪ ♪ and darling i will be loving you til we're 70 ♪ >> jimmy: that's enough. that's the bottom of the charts. scooby doo. >> steve: scooby doo, that's my dog. >> jimmy: yeah, doing ed sheeran. that's my dog. of course, at number 100, this is all the way at the bottom of the charts. of course it is, "i don't eff with you" by siri. [ laughter ]
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>> steve: really? siri? >> jimmy: siri, the iphone assistant. >> steve: released a song. >> jimmy: a song based on the -- probably the big sean song. >> steve: i would think so. >> jimmy: "i don't eff with you" by siri. do we have a clip of that? ♪ ♪ i don't [ bleep ] with you you little stupid ass bitch i ain't [ bleep ] with you i got a million trillion ♪ ♪ things i'd rather [ bleep ] do than to be [ bleep ] with you ♪ little stupid ass i don't give a [ bleep ] i don't give a [ bleep ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right. that's it. we got it right there. there you have it, you guys. that's the bottom of the charts. stick around. we'll be right back with will ferrell, everybody. come on! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you pay for your data every month. so why does your carrier take back what you don't use? it's your data!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we are joined right now by a a hugely successful comedian. we love him. he and kevin hart have a big new movie coming out next friday, march 27th, called "get hard." please welcome back to "the
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tonight show", the great will ferrell! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my -- [ cheers and applause ] uh -- hey. hey, will. what's -- what's with the costume? [ laughter ] what's with the -- >> you mean this dress? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, part of it. partly, yeah. >> yeah. well, i have to wear it. i'm the new face of little debbie's snack cakes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think there's been a mistake. i don't know. you are the new face of lil' debbie? >> it's little debbie.
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[ laughter ] not lil' debbie. little. emphasis on the "ittle." >> jimmy: okay, yeah. why are you doing this? >> i mean, let's be honest, jim. i'm not the hollywood hunk i once was. [ laughter ] this mug ain't making the moolah like it used to. i got a mouth to feed. [ laughter ] my mouth. >> jimmy: that's a little selfish. i mean, what are you talking about? you're doing great. the movies are giant. everything is -- >> hold on a second, jim. can i ask your audience something? >> jimmy: you want to talk to the audience? >> yeah. [ cheers ] hey. do you like snacks? [ cheers and applause ] do you like cake? [ cheers and applause ] do you like snack cakes? [ cheers and applause ] i thought so. wow. this is very exciting. tonight, everyone in the audience has the opportunity to go out and buy some little debbie's snack cakes. okay? [ cheers and applause ]
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you can buy one. and you can buy one. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and you, sir, can buy one. >> jimmy: no no. will, wait. >> and all of you can buy -- >> jimmy: will, the opportunity to go out and buy, that's not a a big deal. that's nothing new. people, they could always do that. >> please, call me little debbie, all right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fine. little debbie. you must really enjoy these snacks. >> i sure do. in fact, i love them so much that if i close my eyes and eat something, i can tell you whether it's a tasty debbie delight or a plain baked potato. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. i mean, that's amazing. actually, that sounds pretty easy, though. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> well, you sound pretty stupid. [ laughter ] here, i'll prove it. give me a plate with a a little debbie's snack and a a baked potato. i'll close my eyes and tell you which one is which. >> jimmy: okay. >> do you have a plate?
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>> jimmy: yes, we do, actually. >> okay. >> jimmy: close your eyes. i'm going to swap this around. we don't know which one is on which side. one of these is a baked potato. the other -- all right, ready? all right. go. >> ooh. that's a hot little snack cake. [ laughter ] oh. mmm. there we go. mmm. delicious cake with cream filling, white icing and fudge trimming. oh, i know a little zebra cake when i can taste one. >> jimmy: that's correct. that is right. that is a little zebra cake. that's great. >> nailed it! [ applause ] can i open my eyes now? >> jimmy: yes, you can open your eyes now. >> it was one. >> jimmy: oh, that was -- that was a baked potato. [ laughter ] okay. well. little debbie? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: do you want to --
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[ laughter ] would you like to tell us about your new movie "get hard"? >> sorry. hold on a second, jim. i've got to do a quick plug. [ laughter ] little debbie's sweet yum-yum snack cakes. chew them with your teeth. swallow them down your tummy. then, six hours later, go to the john and say good-bye to them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, that's horrible. will, that is horrible. >> it's little debbie! i'm little debbie! >> jimmy: little debbie, no one wants to hear that. >> maybe not from me. but i think they'd love to hear it from america's sweetheart right here, huh? right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> come on. tom cruise jr. over here. smiles the clown sitting in his leather throne. >> jimmy: take it easy, debbie. >> here. i actually wrote this promo specifically for you. so, just look right in the
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camera and read it. it's on the card. >> jimmy: no, thank you. >> i'm just a wittle girl. won't you just wead it? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you want me to -- >> pwease? pwease wead it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't want to make a wittle girl cry. all of a sudden, you have trouble with your rs. [ laughter ] >> okay, whenever you're ready. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, everyone. [ laughter ] i'm jimmy fallon. a.k.a. america's little angel. [ laughter ] there's three things i love. it's little debbie's snack cakes. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: that's three things? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: from cosmic cupcakes to dinky yo-yos.
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there's nothing i love more than sliding a chocolate roll into my mouth. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] "get hard" comes out march 27th. sometimes sugar gives me the squirts. [ laughter ] i don't want to do this. i'm not little debbie. >> no, you're not little debbie. i'm little debbie! >> jimmy: i'm saying you are little debbie and i'm not little debbie. >> no, you're not little debbie! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? [ audience aws ] little debbie is very sensitive. is there anything i can do to make you stop crying? >> just sing the little debbie jingle? >> jimmy: i mean, i don't know it. but i mean, if you know the words, we'd all probably love to hear it. right?
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[ cheers and applause ] in fact, here. here's the microphone. ♪ ♪ little debbie snack cakes no one has to know ♪ shh. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. that's fantastic. little debbie, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] beautiful. she's happy again. look how happy she is. more with will ferrell after the break, everybody. go for it, little debbie. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ we're looking for the fighters. just any college students.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everybody, we are back with will ferrell right here. [ cheers and applause ] will stars opposite kevin hart in a great, hilarious new movie called "get hard", which is in theaters friday, march 27th. [ laughter ] he's still dressed as little debbie. i thought you were going to change during the commercial break but -- >> no, no. [ laughter ] i'm not allowed to. >> jimmy: this really is a deal you signed? >> this is really a deal, yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, is this all the time or just on talk shows? >> no, this is all the time. i signed a 30-year deal. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 30 years? >> yes. i will be some version of little debbie until i'm 77.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: a 77-year-old lil' debbie? little debbie, sorry, i apologize. >> little. >> jimmy: i apologize, yeah. >> there's a clause. if i do a movie and obviously it's not a little debbie-based movie, i'm allowed to change and wear a costume that's appropriate. but they do ask for one scene as little debbie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do they normally make the movie, the little debbie scenes? have we missed them in other films? >> i just signed the deal. >> jimmy: you just signed it. >> yeah. it's a trend. >> jimmy: people have done it before. >> i mean, it's going to happen to you, jimmy. >> jimmy: the snack food mascot money. >> the gravy train's going to run out. you're going of it to start doing this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: but have you run into other mascots? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: like, who's doing the keebler elf? >> keebler elves right now it's -- some of the cast from "mad men." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like jon hamm? >> jon hamm. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. january jones?
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>> january jones. owen wilson, he's a cheese-it guy right now. [ laughter ] but i'm telling you, it's good sratch. >> jimmy: scratch, yeah. but you're a dad. you're a husband. what are your kids going to think about this? >> they're going to be frightened about this because i only discipline them as little debbie, so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but she's such a a sweet -- >> so, if i come around the corner dressed like this, they know it's business. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they know. >> oh, they know they did something wrong. my wife will say don't make dad change into little debbie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where would you change into little debbie? >> just quickly in my closet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you go in the closet almost like a superman thing and you come out -- >> yeah. i mean, it's never fun because they disobeyed us. i'm always like, gosh, darn it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the little socks and everything. >> little socks. >> jimmy: pretend i'm one of your sons and i just
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skateboarded in the house or something. or rode my bike in muddy wheels in the house or i tracked mud into the house. >> jimmy, we've talked about this. all right? how many times have we told you to not ride, track mud into the house with your bike? okay? >> jimmy: i'm sorry, dad. >> and when are you going to listen to me? okay? i'm your father, little debbie. [ laughter ] this has to stop happening or we're going to take privileges away. all right? >> jimmy: okay. i -- >> do you want a zebra cake tonight before you go to bed? >> jimmy: yes. >> then, let's not have it happen again. >> jimmy: i'm sorry to make you -- >> give me a hug. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's typical. >> jimmy: you're very nice, the way you do it like that. >> so, it's not super scary. it's just -- >> jimmy: it's just -- yeah, discipline is all. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, a lot of people look at you and a lot of people enjoy you and this is going to be tricky for some people because i just read somewhere meryl streep, they said you
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have a crush on ryan gosling or something. and she goes, "no, i don't. he could be my son. but i'll tell you who i did have a crush on." and this is for real. she said she has a crush on will ferrell. meryl streep. [ cheers ] >> yes. >> jimmy: tonight, she should be really -- >> because she said i'm a man. [ laughter ] ryan gosling, i could be -- i could be -- >> jimmy: yeah, he's a boy. >> his mother. but will ferrell's a man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you certainly have the gray hair to prove it. [ cheers and applause ] proof is in the pudding, man. absolutely. >> you want to see tough little debbie? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] welcome back. tough little debbie, how long have you been in prison? >> what? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i was probably talking too low. how long have you been in prison? i'm sorry. i'm a little intimidated by tough little debbie. oh, my gosh. you can put that out on my desk? >> give me your palm. >> jimmy: ow, that's tough
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little debbie. >> that's a tough little debbie. >> jimmy: she's tough. she puts out cigarettes in your hands. but they're little snacks. they're little candy cigarettes. >> candy cigarettes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she doesn't age, little debbie. >> no, she doesn't. >> jimmy: nearly doesn't. >> she's timeless. >> jimmy: she certainly is. she just -- and when people -- it's weird. i never made the connection. but when i think of little debbie and i think of timeless and i think of, you know, southern or something, made from the south. >> probably. >> jimmy: innocent, yeah. >> or midwest. >> jimmy: midwest. and where are you from? >> me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> toledo, ohio. >> jimmy: so, kind of. >> no, no, no. [ laughter ] i'm from southern california. >> jimmy: yeah. i think of you. when i think of her, i think of you. all the time. >> one and the same. >> jimmy: yeah. and so here you are in this film. we don't get to see much of the scenes with little debbie. >> no, no. there's no -- this was pre-little debbie endorsement
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contract. >> jimmy: that's the next movie. >> when we shot "get hard", yeah. >> jimmy: so, let's just talk about the film you're in now. "get hard." kevin hart. >> kevin hart. super hilarious. >> jimmy: gosh, you guys came did me a solid. you came to the super bowl show and did a lip-sync battle. and it was one of the best things. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. one of the most fun experiences. >> i ran into beyonce afterwards. >> jimmy: no, for real? >> and i said, "i hope you don't hate me." and she said, "i love you even more." how great is that? >> jimmy: she's super cool. come on, man. but you guys have great chemistry. you were joking around even before the show. we were laughing. i even wish we could film some of that stuff. and i watched the film with a a bunch of people and it was just like -- it's just perfect. >> and kevin, he's hot right now. he's hot. >> jimmy: yes. he is very hot. yeah, he is. he should be hot. he's very funny. >> i think he has like a a thousand followers on twitter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he probably has more than that. >> he knows how to work that social media. >> jimmy: he knows how to work social media, absolutely.
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but it's great. this -- i want to show a scene. >> #littledebbiesnackcakes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. you don't have to keep plugging it all this time. little debbie snack cakes. >> #gethardlittledebbiesnackcakes. march 27th. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're making it into a thing. >> you know, if you go to see "get hard" on the 27th, guess what you get for free? >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i can't even believe this. little debbie snack cakes. >> you get a whole pack. >> jimmy: you get a whole pack for free? where, though? in certain theaters? >> certain, one theater. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but you have to find it? [ laughter ] >> it's a theater in toledo, ohio, my hometown. >> jimmy: shout out. shout out to the home team. >> shout out to the mud hens? >> jimmy: yeah. shout out mud hens. >> mud hens. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: so, this is a scene from the movie "get hard." last time, we showed a scene where it was a fake riot scene in the prison that they staged in like a basement. >> this is when -- i think kevin's working on helping me to kind of develop my mad dog face. >> jimmy: mad dog.
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>> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, and your character -- >> james king. he's trying really hard. >> jimmy: this man is a a buffoon. i hate to say it. in the movie. gosh, he's so funny. but he can't do mad dog. >> no, no, no. he develops something else. >> jimmy: something else. here's will ferrell and kevin hart in "get hard" in theaters next friday. check this out. [ growls ] >> that's a mad dog. >> wow, i knew you were the right guy for the job. >> let me see it. >> okay. ha! >> that's terrible. no, that's horrible. anger. you've got to show me anger. why are you smiling? >> i'm not smiling. i'm tense and i'm agitated. >> come on, man. how's that -- that's it? if beyonce left you, huh? you happy about that? >> no. >> then, get mad. she going to leave you? what is she doing? >> i'm sad-dogging you. you think that's a strategy that could work? >> no, i don't. i don't think that's a strategy
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that could work. >> hey, listen up, everyone. i'm extremely sad. please don't sexually assault me. i'm already too sad. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sad dog! >> sad dog. >> jimmy: our thanks to will ferrell, little debbie. go see "get hard." next friday. chelsea peretti joins us after the break. there she is in the xbox green room. chelsea! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ over the infiniti we had... i've had a lot of hondas... we went around the country, talking to people who made the switch to ford. the brand more people buy. and buy again. all-wheel drive is amazing... i felt so secure. i really enjoy the pep in its step... that's the ecoboost... the new image of ford now looks really refined. i drove the fusion... and i never went back. escape was just right. just announced, make the switch to ford and get $750 competitive owner cash on top of other offers at your local ford dealer.
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and unitedhealthcare has ways to make the system simpler. like virtual doctor visits. what happened here? i came in too hot. ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a very funny stand-up comedian and actress who stars on the popular television series "brooklyn nine-nine", which airs sundays at 8:30 p.m. on fox. please welcome, chelsea peretti! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: chelsea peretti. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's not a photo shoot. it's actually just a talk show. you were coming out. what's going on? >> i'm just trying to be confident. you know, i had a falling out with my stylist. and they usually dress actresses, so this is what i came up with. >> jimmy: this is great. you want to say who you're wearing? >> this is head to toe american apparel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't pronounce the a -- you didn't pronounce any -- >> well, i was trying to do it a little off brand so it's not a direct ad. i was actually trying for a a different endorsement but your previous guest got it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. you were up for little debbie? >> yes, i was. it's like really painful to see him here tonight. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. chelsea, let it go. this is much better. you're with 'merican 'parel. >> i do feel great. >> jimmy: you feel great. you look great. yeah. >> i feel great. >> jimmy: and you look great. >> and i look great. >> jimmy: thank you for flying in. and we won't have to say your
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product anymore, 'merican 'parel. or whatever you're with and wearing. you flew in all the way from los angeles and i appreciate your coming in. it must have been nice, fun flight. >> never, never, no. never a fun flight. i always get selected for the pat-down because of my arrest history. [ laughter ] no, it's a nightmare. but so i've figured out a way to get through it. like, pretend you're giving me a pat-down. like, just pat me and i'll show what you i do to kind of make it more fun. >> jimmy: okay. do i have to stand up? usually, they're not sitting down, are they? [ laughter ] >> well. >> jimmy: all right, i'll come over here. >> no, i mean -- oh, man. i didn't want to make you have to -- all right, yeah, sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i sprained my ankle before the show. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: so, pat-down. >> okay, so, like -- >> jimmy: all right, you ready? [ making noises ] >> stuff like that. sometimes, i ease into it more.
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i'm like, "have i seen you before?" [ laughter ] then, i build to it. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> keep it intense. >> jimmy: that's the way you keep it. so, that's why you have fun with it? >> i'm sorry you had to get up for that. >> jimmy: no, please, i like to know what that noise is next time i hear it. [ making noises ] yeah, yeah. i'll know that you're in the airport. i'll be like, "oh, my gosh, chelsea's here." >> yeah, she's here. that's her call. >> jimmy: you actually worked in this building. i don't think i've ever met you before. >> yeah, i know. i interned at "snl." >> you were an intern at "snl" and now you're back here. look at you. big star. >> the whole gang, were all back together. we're all huge famous actors. >> jimmy: huge star. "brooklyn nine-nine." >> it's huge. and i don't know if you remember. actually, we hung out before. i went to your apartment. like, i told someone i liked you and i went to your apartment. [ laughter ] and i don't know if you remember this. but you were there. you were eating old chinese food. you was playing your video games. [ laughter ] that's how you do that, right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you were playing video
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games. and yeah, i was just like, "what's with this guy? this sucks. he doesn't like me." then, i married tom cruise. now -- now, i'm married to this guy who flat-irons his hair. [ laughter ] and he treats me really good. oh, no. i'm confusing myself with nicole kidman. >> jimmy: yeah, you certainly are. yeah, yeah. >> you know why? it's the long legs. the stems. >> jimmy: wow, they are very -- i didn't realize. i didn't realize how long they were. they're very long. >> yeah, they're very long. long stems. >> jimmy: yeah, don't confuse yourself, please. but welcome and thanks again and congrats again. "brooklyn nine-nine." andy samberg. how's he doing? >> great. >> jimmy: mike schur. >> great. >> jimmy: we love these guys. andre braugher. >> very intimidating, serious actor. >> jimmy: very deep voice. >> yes. very, but then he'll -- >> jimmy: how did he even get that, that cast on that job? he's so serious. i'm like -- but he's great. >> he probably gets paid a ton of money. [ laughter ] that's probably why. >> jimmy: he's fantastic. i love just the way he is and intense. >> yeah, but then he does weird things. like, he came up to me at my desk once and was like, "i've
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been reading your twitter." i was like, "you have an iphone?" [ laughter ] it seems like he would be able to teleport ideas to people. but um -- yeah, i don't know. iphones are out of control right now. i feel like, my friend got the new one. you probably have it. the 6. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. sure. no, i have it. it's been out for a while. >> and he was like complaining. he's like my phone doesn't fit all the way across to swipe. i'm like "men used to hunt." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's true. chelsea peretti, you guys. "brooklyn nine-nine" airs sundays at 8:30 on fox. boots performs next. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ yeah, i'm married. does it matter? you'd do that for me? really? yeah, i'd like that.
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who are you talking to? uh, it's jake from state farm. sounds like a really good deal. jake from state farm at three in the morning. who is this? it's jake from state farm. what are you wearing, jake from state farm? [ jake ] uh... khakis. she sounds hideous. well she's a guy, so... [ male announcer ] another reason more people stay with state farm. get to a better state. ♪ get to a better state. only better because it's tastes not the holidays.idays. roger, it is 53 days until christmas! it's not reasonable! ya, it is better. oscar mayer carving board gives you all the taste of the holidays, without all the hassle. why are all these people so asleep, yet i'm so awake? did you know your brain has two systems? one helps keep you awake- the other helps you sleep. science suggests when you have insomnia, the wake system in your brain may be too strong and your neurotransmitters remain too active as you try to sleep, which could be leading to your insomnia.
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ohh...maybe that's what's preventing me from getting the sleep i need! talk to your doctor about ways to manage your insomnia.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are joined right now by a talented artist. here to perform the track "i run roulette." give it up for boots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i've been up all night i'm sure i'm sure you think you might've seen this one ♪
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♪ or heard it from some other kind of stranger in the light ♪ ♪ i keep chasing all my thoughts into a funnel spilling thrilling every chair in front of me ♪ ♪ like i'm some spider sent from mars i keep pushing all chips into the center of the table but split between ♪ ♪ two shades of every one of my mistakes not so sure no more not so sure no more red bottoms up right go all in ♪ ♪ outside my tombstone on your wall maybe you should be the one that i forget baby i could be one you regret ♪ ♪ my cassette don't play these songs i run roulette if you don't know keeping it close if you don't go i might run ♪ ♪ i run roulette
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♪ ♪ i've been tricked into a thousand different ways to slide myself away right down the drain ♪ ♪ that was all within a day not so sure no more not so sure no more m ♪ say this is heaven in a bombshell blonde who's got the devil's legs maybe you could be the one that i forget baby i could be one you regret ♪ ♪ my cassette don't play these songs i run roulette if you don't know keeping it close if you don't go i might run ♪ ♪ i run roulette ♪ maybe you could be the one that i forget baby i could be one you regret ♪
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♪ my cassette don't play these songs i run roulette if you don't know keeping it close if you don't go i might run ♪ ♪ i run roulette ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ maybe you could be the one that i forget baby i could be one you regret ♪ ♪ my cassette don't play these songs i run roulette if you don't know keeping it close if you don't go i might run ♪ ♪ i run roulette [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah! boots! that's how you do it, man. boots! "motorcycle jesus" is available now. we'll be right back. "motorcycle jesus." boots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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check out my breakfast! eggs... sausage... ham... bacon... cheese... and sourdough bread. uh, mine's easier. get a load of jack's loaded breakfast sandwich.
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what's on it? what's not on it? it's like a big ol' breakfast buffet right in your hand. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to will ferrell, little debbie, chelsea peretti, boots! and the roots! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night.

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