tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC December 15, 2015 11:34pm-12:38am PST
the airwaves with ads. =nats= ut the presidential election is 11 months away but the candidates are already flooding the air waves with ads. >> that man is frank underwood. >> america, i'm only getting started. is there that's good. >> right? >> there's only one catch with this commercial, it's not an ad for a real presidential candidate but for the hit netflix show "house of cards." the commercial ran during the republican debates letting everyone know that season four of "house of cards" will be released in march. >> what will claire do? see you tomorrow. ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests, mark wahlberg,
bill burr, musical guest, sheryl crow, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 388! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hi. oh, hi. hey! hello, everybody. welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you're here. thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] i'm your host, jimmy fallon, and let me be the first to say
what month is it? is it june? what does it feel like outside? they're saying that this could be one of the warmest christmases in 30 years, with temperatures expected to stay in the 60s and 70s throughout the holidays. yeah. of course, without the snow and cold weather, a lot of people on the east coast are now being forced to change some of their usual holiday traditions. like, for example, last christmas, people left out milk and cookies for santa. this christmas, people leave out a cool rag and a stick of mitchum deodorant. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: mitchum's the -- >> steve: mitchum. >> jimmy: that's the good stuff. >> steve: that's what santa wears. >> jimmy: you don't want to mess around. >> steve: yeah, he does not like -- >> jimmy: you get mitchum, yeah. last christmas, santa made a a list of who's naughty or nice. this christmas, santa made a a list of who has central air and who doesn't. [ laughter and applause ] it works. it works. finally, last christmas, you went to an ugly sweater party. this christmas, you're going to an ugly, sweaty party. [ laughter ] you see what i'm saying? you see the difference? [ applause ] either way, it should be a fun holiday season. let's get to some news here.
here's what people are talking about. of course, it's the election. i saw that a new poll found that hillary clinton is now increasing her lead over bernie sanders. experts say bernie would need something major to regain people's attention. then bernie was like, "all right, leak the sex tape. [ laughter and applause ] do it. just the first five minutes." [ laughter ] >> steve: feel the bern. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: did you guys see this? ahead of tonight's republican debate over on cnn, donald trump's doctor released his medical records. and get this. he said that trump has never used alcohol or tobacco in his life. which explains how trump got so good at ruining a party. [ laughter and applause ] "no, thank you. no." seems like everybody's going after trump. in fact, a saudi prince criticized trump on twitter, and trump responded by saying that the prince is trying to control u.s. politics "with daddy's money." [ laughter ]
unlike trump, who started out scraping by like this. >> my father gave me a small loan of a million dollars. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "kind of lent me some money. no big deal. he flipped me a million dollars. whatever. he said, 'don't worry about paying me back. i don't care.'" meanwhile, newt gingrich spoke about donald trump's lead in the polls and called trump the candidate who can kick down the doors of the establishment. yeah. and he called chris christie the candidate who can burst through the wall like the kool-aid man. [ laughter and applause ] oh, ah! oh, yeah! i saw that -- i saw that "sports illustrated" named serena williams its 2015 sportsperson of the year. that's pretty nice. [ cheers and applause ] she's amazing. serena williams. when i heard that, i was like, "what's a sportsperson? [ light laughter ] can't they just say athlete of
the year?" sportsperson sounds like a nerd trying to describe a football team. "i see the squad of the sportspersons has entered the cafeteria. it's time for me to leave." this is cool. the first trailer for "star trek: beyond" -- "star trek: beyond", was released day. and some fans are actually criticizing it for being too action-packed. because if you like "star trek", you like your action slow and weird. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: finally, this is going viral. a man who works at a gym in arizona was told that a urinal in the men's room was broken. so, he walks in just to check it out. look at what he saw when he walked in the bathroom. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: meanwhile, the guy in one of the stalls is like, "what's going on out there, you guys? are you okay, man?" we have a great show, everybody. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi. welcome to the show. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: it looks so festive here. >> steve: look how beautiful this looks. >> jimmy: you know, i want to say something i forgot to say. sometimes you want to thank people, then you forget to thank them. but, i want to thank -- well, all the tourists for coming to new york city. and all the people that come. i know it's the holiday season, but you walk in the streets. but, it's nice. it puts you in a good mood and a good spirit. but also, the nypd and the new york fire department for keeping us safe. [ cheers and applause ] and just -- times square is like two blocks away. there was like 10,000 people here the other day for the tree lighting. it was just great. they just did a great job. >> steve: it was perfect.
>> jimmy: mayor de blasio, everybody, they did a great job. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming to our city. i appreciate it. guys, welcome to "the tonight show." we have a great week of shows ahead. will ferrell will be here. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: bruce springsteen will be here. [ cheers and applause ] bruce. he's got the new river box set. channing tatum will be joining us as well. [ cheers and applause ] channing and i are going to play a game of egg russian roulette. yeah, be sure to tune in for that. plus, we're gonna have performances from twenty-one pilots and chris stapleton, who is fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] but first, tonight, we love it when he stops by. he stars opposite will ferrell in the hilarious new movie "daddy's home." mark wahlberg is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: looks good. did you see the trailer for it? like, mark is the -- >> steve: he's the stepdad, right? >> jimmy: no, i think will's the stepdad. he's the nicest. he's like mr. nice guy, and then the real dad comes back and wants to rekindle his relationship. mark wahlberg, mr. cool.
he's on a motorcycle. it looks really funny. [ light laughter ] anyways, mark and i are going head to head in a random object football toss. yeah, it's going to be -- [ applause ] plus, this guy. man, i've seen this guy, we used to do stand-up together back in the -- we'll talk about it when i talk to him out here. one point, we won a contest, or i won a contest where we got a a manager as our prize. [ laughter ] >> steve: that was the prize? >> jimmy: it was me, bill burr, and patrice o'neal got the same manager. and we won a manager. yeah, so it was like, "wait, are we cool with this?" it was like, odd, but anyway, it's just great to see. he's like the biggest comedian now in the world and he's all over netflix. he's so funny. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: i love him. he has a new animated series on netflix called "f is for family." [ light laughter ] the very funny bill burr is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] oh, and do we have music for you tonight.
this is fantastic. kirk, you're fantastic in it, as well as the rest of the roots. but this weekend is the john lennon 75th bthday concert. a lot of great names will be there. one of them is here tonight. she is one of my all-time favorites. performing the beatles classic "revolution," the electric crazy version, sheryl crow is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] sheryl crow! [ cheers and applause ] as you guys know, "star wars: the force awakens" comes out this week. and we are big fans of "star wars" here at "the tonight show." so we had this fun idea, and it involved the roots and the music for "star wars." so we called up legendary composer john williams and we asked him if we could do sothinspecial with it. normally, he says, "no." so he didn't return our call. [ light laughter ] but someone from his camp did. and they said, "yeah, sure. sounds like a good idea." so we're so honored to be able to do this.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on, that was so good! >> steve: keep that up. >> jimmy: oh, man. roots, great job. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: my thanks to the cast of "star wars: the force awakens." [ cheers and applause ] guys, we have exactly four shows left before we go on christmas break, which means it's time for that beloved "tonight show" tradition.
it's time for 12 days of christmas sweaters. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 12 days of christmas sweaters four days left ♪ >> jimmy: that is right. every show between now and christmas, we're giving one lucky audience member a a sizzling christmas sweater from the countdown to christmas cabinet. now, since there are four shows left, let's open door number four. [ drumroll ] [ cheers ] oh. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] green, rare. look at that. extra ball. extra ball for you. the rare green santa. very rare. green santa. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: now let's see who's going home with tonight's sweater. everyone, look at your seat number. if i call your number, i need
you to jump up, let me know where you are. make sure that it is your number. quest, can i get a drumroll please? [ drumroll ] who wants me to pick their number? everybody good? [ cheers and applause ] it's a good sweater! [ cheers and applause ] it's got shoulder pads! 224, hey! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ come on over. hey. hi. hey! >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: that's for you. hold that. >> okay. >> jimmy: what is your name? >> lynn. >> jimmy: lynn. where are you from, lynn? >> i'm from philadelphia, pennsylvania. >> jimmy: philly? [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh. philly in the house. well, thank you so much. you don't have anything like this, do you? >> no, i don't. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this is really -- do you want to try it on? do you want to try it? because it gets cold in philly every now and then.
you can hold this. how are you doing, buddy? this is fantastic. >> this is great. >> jimmy: yeah, this is great. let me put this over your head. head first. there you go. >> steve: awesome. >> jimmy: so subtle. you can walk around philly. >> that's so warm. >> jimmy: yeah. you're gonna walk -- look at this. oh, my gosh. does that not look fantastic? [ cheers and applause ] look at how cute. oh, my gosh. fantastic. thank you, buddy. thank you so much. i appreciate it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: congratulations. please, come on. it looks awesome. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. philly. thanks again to our lucky audience member. stick around. we'll be right back with mark wahlberg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. quickly, i just wanted to thank our editors john mcdonald, chris tartaro, dan opsal for doing that "star wars" thing. lawrence manchester, who mixed it. because we -- it took us a long time to put that together. the roots, i want to thank you as well, but i mean -- i didn't know what -- [ applause ]
i didn't really know what i was doing. they just told me what notes to -- piece by piece. i'm going like -- like, i'm just trusting it was going to turn into something. i don't know how you're going to make this into anything, and they just made it into like, a a whole orchestration, and gosh, i'm just so proud of that. so thanks again to those guys. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is an academy award-nominated actor who stars opposite will ferrell in the new movie "daddy's home," which is in theaters december 25th. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome mark wahlberg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mark wahlberg! hey, good to see you, buddy. >> how are you doing? >> jimmy: i'm doing great. i want to talk about the movie because gosh, it's so funny. it's good to see you and will ferrell back in.
it's opening up christmas day. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that nerve-racking at all? >> well, the nerve-racking thing is trying to get all the gifts put together in time. i have four angry kids standing over there waiting for their toys to be put together. >> jimmy: how old are your kids now? >> 12, 9, 7, and 5. >> jimmy: wow. so they know about christmas and santa? >> oh, yeah. oh yeah. they're already up, you know. they can't sleep. anxiety, crazy. >> jimmy: you have to put everything together? >> put everything together at night, like, you know, stuff that's got to be put together the night before. so i'm laying on the floor, you know, trying to put together bikes and all that. >> jimmy: don't you like respect -- yeah, i know, but yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, helping santa. you're helping santa, yeah. >> jimmy: i gotta say, i don't know why -- there's always paparazzi following you around, buddy. i apologize for that. it has nothing to do with me. but this is you on the sideline of your kid's flag football game. [ laughter ] and i don't want to promote getting pictures like this of you, but this is a -- how old is your child? >> he's nine. >> jimmy: nine, yeah. [ laughter ] >> i have a tendency to get a a little -- >> jimmy: yeah.
>> --involved. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] i mean. >> that's going to be a a touchdown right there. >> jimmy: that's a touchdown right there, yeah. >> that looks like six right there. >> jimmy: yeah. do the other parents get as involved as you get? >> no. [ laughter ] my wife automatically goes to the other end of the field. she's like, "i don't want to know you for the next 60 minutes." but i can't help it. i get excited. and i don't want to get excited because it like, ruins my appetite. it's like watching the patriots in the super bowl. >> jimmy: yeah. you're just going, "oh, god." and it's flag football. >> yes. >> jimmy: it's just kids running around playing. >> no, it's bigger than that. >> jimmy: does your son say anything to you? does he like it or not? >> oh my god, he's just used to it now. you know? he used to say, "dad, shut up. [ laughter ] promise you're not going to say anything this game." i'm like, "nope, i'm good." i sit there, and then of course -- i just can't help it. you know, i get so crazy. >> jimmy: you get so excited. >> pete bird, you know pete bird? >> jimmy: yeah, i love him. >> he's always saying, "you're going to get into a fight." >> jimmy: no. >> at the football game? i said, "why would i get into a
a fight at my son's football game?" he said, "you're going to get into a fight. somebody's going to say something." and it hasn't happened, thank god. >> jimmy: but you get that into it? >> i get pretty crazy, yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, but -- 'cause you always play it super cool. lik head. i see you do t i go, "oh, that's nothing to ma he's cool with that. he's like, whatever." like you hosted a thing, you were hanging out with the pope when he was here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he hung out with like, five people. >> i hosted the pop philadelphia. >> jimmy: yeah, you ju out and you're like, "yeah, cool. i don't care, yeah, that's cool i'll hang out >> he didn't know who i was. >> jimmy: oh, come on. >> it's true. >> jimmy: that's not true. >> it is. he hasn't watched television since like 1980. [ laughter ] i mean, you don't get to become the pope by sitting around watching television. jimmyyeah. but was it -- was it amazing? i mean, because you were in philly -- >> it was fantastic. yeah, we hosted the festival of families. i was nervous, because normally, i don't like the hosting thing. i don't have the talent that you have. >> jimmy: thank you. >> so i was like, really worried. then i had to like, pronounce all these people's names, because all these amazing families, they come from six different countries. and it was just a lot of responsibility.
>> jimmy: yeah. >> but i felt like, you know what? i was asked and i need to be more active in doing things in the community and the church and all that stuff, so i said i'm going. >> jimmy: well, maybe the pope will check out "daddy's home" when it comes out christmas day. [ cheers and applause ] >> he can watch "daddy's home." >> jimmy: christmas day, the pope, what is he doing? >> he can watch "daddy's home." >> jimmy: christmas day is the perfect day for the pope to go to the movies. it's like, look, just take two hours out of your time and just go to the movies. just try to enjoy yourself. >> not even, it's only 90 minutes. >> jimmy: it's only 90 minutes. that's it. >> an hour and a half. >> jimmy: an hour and pope, you can do this. it's you and will ferrell reunited. do you want to set it up at all, what the movie's about? >> yeah. he's now married to my ex-wife and the step-father of my kids. so i decide, you know, i'm going to go back and i'm going to reclaim what's mine, i'm going to win my family back over. and of course, we just go at it, and craziness ensues. >> jimmy: well, i loved you. what was the one you did, "the other guys"? >> "the other guys," yeah. >> jimmy: gosh, that made me laugh so hard. so i'm happy to see you guys bac this is a scene here where you're both passive-aggressively trying to compete on who is better putting the kids to bed.
>> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. here's a clip of mark wahlberg and will ferrell in "daddy's home." take a look at this. >> it's getting late. you two need to get some sack time. >> no, we want stories. >> hey, i'd love to be in here all night, but let's be respectful of brad's rules no matter how arbitrary they seem, all right? good night, my little golden treasure. >> good night, my little es. >> who wants good night tickles? >> me. >> good night. >> i almost forgot. my famous good night back scratches. oh, so relaxing. so relaxing. good night, sweetie bear. >> hey, who wants 20 bucks? >> i do! >> me! >> $20? >> what? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: if you go to sleep, 20 bucks. come on, who wants that? >> right to the 20 bucks. that's what i do with my own kids. >> jimmy: i think that's the best. we also got the director of the film, took a video of you, this is just off camera, not in the scene. i think you're on the basketball court. and i don't know why, but you have a football. do you know what i'm about to
show? >> basketball -- yeah, throwing the football into the hoop. >> jimmy: this is unbelievable. this is another example of how you're mr. cool. watch how mr. cool -- seriously, you're going to freak out. because i would be jumping up and down. this is a full-court toss, a a football toss. totally real, mark wahlberg. watch this, throwing a football into a basketball -- watch. throwing it there. yeah, no big deal. what's up? don't hit the roof. you don't. and then -- swish! and then you're like -- ♪ [ cheers and applause ] "what's up. yeah, what's up? what's up? i do that every day." >> i got to put that on my resume now. that one part where they say extra talent. >> jimmy: yeah. we got to put that on youtube or something so everybody can see it, or go to our website, because that's just amazing. have you done that before? >> have you seen what the guys on tv do now? those amazing guys? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, but that's huge, doing that. it's cool. i didn't know you could do that. that's what they do for a a living. you're like, "oh yeah, i'll try it." >> they get paid doing that? >> jimmy: i don't know. do they? maybe. either way, we should -- they probably don't, no. but i don't know why i'm doing
this. i want to challenge you to a a random object football toss. i'm probably going to lose after seeing that. would you like to play against me? >> yeah, sure, absolutely. >> jimmy: fantastic. mark wahlberg and i. "daddy's home," christmas day. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ two million, four hundred thirty-four thousand, three hundred eleven people in this city. and only one me. i'll take those odds. be unstoppable. the 2016 ford edge.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with the one and only mark wahlberg. [ cheers and applause ] his new movie "daddy's home" comes out december 25th. we're about to go head-to-head in a random objects football toss. [ cheers ] okay, now we're going to take turns trying to complete passes of random objects into that target right there. each object is worth one point. the last object, the moneyball, is worth two. high score wins. let's take a look at what we're shooting. first, we have a dancing santa
claus. [ laughter and applause ] not bad. next, we have a football made out of play-doh. [ laughter ] over here, we have a tangled ball of christmas lights. we have a large chocolate milkshake from wahlberger's, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] that's good stuff right there. and the moneyball, worth two points. co [ cheers and applause ] all right, now everybody, here we go. mark, you're our guest. why don't you go first? we'll just probably throw from this line right here. roots, can we get a little football toss music or random object toss music? ♪ >> get him -- his legs closed. >> jimmy: yeah, you get him -- >> get his legs closed. got a better chance. >> jimmy: there's no winning. there's no skill to this, like you've done this before. yeah, get his legs close. >> i don't even let my kids beat me in sports. you ready? >> jimmy: yeah, here we go, buddy. [ cheers and applause ]
♪ >> jimmy: no, you're going to that hole over there. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. all right. i get usually one finger up and in santa's butt. [ audience oohs ] >> that was close. >> jimmy: there you go. you can take that off if you want to, yeah. thank you, buddy. play-doh. play-doh football. [ laughter ] >> gosh. over my shoulder. >> jimmy: hefty. >> oh, there's a football in there. >> jimmy: i didn't know that either. there's a football in there. [ light laughter ] >> nice. come on. [ thud ] [ audience oohs ] close. i mean you're pretty accurate. >> jimmy: thank you. thank you.
i'm getting close. i appreciate the good sportsmanship. all right, christmas lights. [ audience oohs ] again. [ cheers and applause ] nice. drop. two-step drop. [ thud ] [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: keep hitting his face. i don't like his face. he bullied me in high school, that guy. so i don't like his face. all right, wahlberger's milkshake. a delicious milkshake. chocolate milkshake. >> we could give this to nacho to drink. >> jimmy: yeah. [ thud ] [ audience oohs ] sorry. >> that's all right. >> jimmy: sorry about that. i apologize. >> no, no. don't worry. thank you. come on. [ cheers ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tie. >> tie. i think that's the first time you did something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i felt good about that one. here we go. this is the moneyball, it's worth two points. [ cheers ] >> all right.
all right, come on. [ drumroll ] [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: or it could end in a a tie. here we go. >> come on. [ cheers and applause ] [ drumroll ] >> jimmy: it's a tie. i'll give you the win. mark wahlberg. ♪ "daddy's home" is in theaters december 25th. bill burr joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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i'm a customer relationship i'm roy gmanager.ith pg&e. anderson valley brewing company is definitely a leader in the adoption of energy efficiency. pg&e is a strong supporter of solar energy. we focus on helping our customers understand it and be able to apply it in the best way possible. not only is it good for the environment, it's good for the businesses' bottom line. these are our neighbors. these are the people that we work with. that matters to me. i have three children that are going to grow up here
and i want them to be able to enjoy all the things that i was able to enjoy. together, we're building a better california. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. back in november, our next guest sold out madison square garden. wow. now he's written, produced and stars in the new netflix animated series, "f is for family," which premieres this friday, december 18th. please welcome the hilarious bill burr, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ]
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you? >> jimmy: it is so great to see you. do you remember when we had the same manager at one point? >> yes, we did. early on. >> jimmy: gosh, look at you now. you did madison square garden. >> yes i did. >> jimmy: it doesn't get much bigger than that. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: doesn't get bigger than that. what was that like? walk me through that day. madison square garden. you're there in the afternoon. did you sound check? >> yeah, it was terrifying. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it was terrifying. there was no way to justify. i was trying to think what joke i had in my act to justify somebody, like, sitting all the way up in the upper deck. you know? you're like this big. you go, "hey, what's up with obama?" and it's going up there. it just didn't seem right. so, i was nervous, you know, about doing the gig. >> jimmy: what time did you get there? >> i don't know. i think like, 2:00 in the afternoon. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i know what you're working towards. basically, we rented the thing out for the day.
so you spend all this money. and i'm thinking it's just sitting there. i play drums as a hobby. i suck, but in my head i think i'm good. so we just rented a drum kit, some amps, and me and my friends went in there, and we like, jammed in an empty madison square garden while they were setting up the chairs. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, it was great. >> jimmy: that's what i would do. >> played "dr. feelgood." "war pigs," all this arena rock. we suck, but it sounded awesome to us. >> jimmy: no, i made you play me a song backstage. you played "war pigs" and you sounded good. ozzy would be proud, yeah. but you just got together with other comedians and go, "let's just jam out. i have the garden." i didn't know you could do that. >> i didn't know you could do it either. i just asked. i'd be like, "is it all right if we do that?" they're like, "yeah, no problem." and then we went, we did the show and then i felt relaxed. and joe derosa opened for me. >> jimmy: joe derosa. >> and he wore this old lady like, "golden girls" sweater, and like, nobody heckled him. and it annoyed me. so i went onstage, i just trashed him. and i felt like i was in a a comedy club, and then it all went great.
>> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you played madison square garden like it was a a club? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> i couldn't see them, so it was fun. >> jimmy: by the way, you're in "daddy's home," which i forgot to mention because mark wahlberg was just here, and you're in the end of always funny. >> jimmy: white guy dancing. [ laughter ] >> or attempting. attempting. >> jimmy: attempting to dance. why not? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: do you know mark at all? did you get to -- did you guys -- from the boston scene at all? >> no, i only met him through doing the movie. i got to meet him briefly. but what's funny is living on the west coast now, if you just -- i always say i'm from boston. because if i say i'm from canton, people go, "ohio?" then i got to go, "no, massachusetts." and just that little extra thing like, slowly kills me that i have to have that back and forth. >> jimmy: that drives you crazy? >> yeah. so i just say i'm from boston. >> jimmy: you're a troubled, troubled human being. >> yeah. i'm a loaner, man. i don't like people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's not lying. >> i don't. i don't. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. >> this fifth avenue during christmas time, the thoughts
that go through my head. [ laughter ] the thoughts that go through my head. i just want to chop that tree down and watch it land on people as i walk over their heads. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no! it's the holiday season. >> i know. >> jimmy: no. you knew i wasn't going to stick to that. >> jimmy: i know. >> i was trying to be happy. i was trying to be happy. i was trying. we tried. >> jimmy: we tried. >> oh, you play drums. that was fun, wasn't it? >> jimmy: yeah. >> it went right in the tank. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> right in the tank. i got to trash people or it doesn't work. >> jimmy: doesn't feel right to you. >> you know who i feel bad for right now? mcdonald's. i feel bad for them. >> jimmy: why would you -- >> because they back pedaled. they allowed fat people to blame them, and it's just over. the second they made the salad, it was over. [ laughter ] it was over. they said, "you know what? it's our fault. it's our fault. it's our fault you're fat." it isn't. everybody knows it's fattening. you don't order 50 sandwiches, right? but they're a business. if you order it, they're going to give it to you. that's not their fault. >> jimmy: and you think that that's it right there. once they invented the salad, they -- they admit it. >> it's for kids and for when
you get hammered. that's what it is. you go in there. [ cheers and applause ] you get the bread in you. that's what it's for. >> jimmy: that's what it's for. thank you. >> that's what it's for. >> jimmy: bill, how did you -- >> you just don't want to get a a salad at mcdonald's. you want to eat healthy tonight, jimmy? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah? go to mcdonald's. [ laughter ] they don't know who they are anymore. it's sad. they lost their identity. >> jimmy: you feel sad. >> i did. >> jimmy: yeah, well, hopefully -- >> it's like watching a a comedian apologize to a a blogger. it's like, why would you do that? it's one person in the crowd who sat up late night with their feelings hurt, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> some melted butterfingers on their chest, sitting there typing away. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: eating butterfingers. >> they act like they won a a peabody award and they write for the "times." it's like this one guy in the crowd. >> jimmy: no, you can't cater to those guys. >> you can't. >> jimmy: no. you can't. you can't veer from what you do. look at ac/dc. you know? they made the same song. they sing about their balls, the devil and women. that's it.
[ laughter ] and they never veered from that. and then you look at, like, jefferson airplane. they're like, "ooh, it's the '80s." then they became jefferson starship and then starship. and people are like, "i don't know who this is." >> jimmy: yeah. no, you got to stick to what you know. >> what are you going to do? you're singing at mcdonald's. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i don't know how i'm going to segue way into your netflix series, but i tried. >> i'm sorry. i know. i knew the second i saw the christmas lights, i was like, "i'm going to bomb." [ laughter ] i'm going to bomb. >> jimmy: you're not bombing. >> this is not my vibe. >> jimmy: no, this is festive. this is it. you're allowed to do this. >> it's not festive. it's fake. [ laughter and applause ] you stick it in a box, and then you take it back out and you staple it up next year. that's what you do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what is -- what can we expect? can we expect this on the animated show? >> "f is for family." all right, so, for years, i've done failed pilots that involved real people. and you know, because it was always like, "oh, well, what does this say about, you know, people in tacoma?" right?
and they would just tank the thing. so i finally -- i don't know, i was telling family stories throughout the beginning part of my career. and they used to be considered funny. you know? and then this new generation of kids that wore helmets when they rode bicycles and had play dates, you know? [ laughter ] "mommy, can i get the mail?" "no, no!" so it started -- they all started bombing. all these stories. like, when i was a kid, if you didn't finish your dinner, or as we called it, supper, my parents just wrapped it in cellophane, and then you had to eat it for breakfast. you remember that? [ applause ] yeah, it was great. it would be hilarious. cube steaks were the worst. >> jimmy: cube steaks. >> right? those were hard enough to chew as a toddler when you were like -- when it was warmed up. and then in like, the morning, you sit and eat cold cubed steak with green bean casserole. everybody's eating waffles, right? >> jimmy: cube steak. >> then they get quiet because they're thinking of a real kid. so now, just imagine if it was an animated kid that you didn't care about because it was just
drawn, and it took place in the early '70s. that's what this show is. >> jimmy: there you go. you don't have to worry about it, everybody. it's all fake. they're all animated. animated children. no children are harmed while making this. i have a clip of -- you have to come back every holiday season. >> oh, absolutely. >> jimmy: this is bill burr -- >> i'll come back dressed like an elf. >> jimmy: "f is for family." check this out. >> what the hell is this? kevin, he's flunking out and you knew about this? >> i wanted your food to settle. >> unbelievable, unbelievable. you got one job, pay attention and pass your classes. >> that's two jobs. >> no son of mine is going to flunk out. >> i don't care. i hate school. >> well, i hate my life, but i keep on doing it. i got a mortgage, i got dependents and i got to go downtown every damn day to run that airport. >> please, you're just a a baggage handler. ♪ >> what the [ bleep ] did you just call me? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our thanks to the
very funny bill burr. happy holidays, buddy. the entire first season of "f is for family" will be available this friday on netflix. binge watch it. >> i had a great time. thank you. >> jimmy: sheryl crow performs after the break, everybody. come on back. it's going to be good. sheryl crow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ grandma is so happy to be here for your very first christmas. i hear you're quite the expert at waking people up in the morning. let me show you how grandma does it. your daddy made this when he was a little boy. this is your dad at my house, where he had his first christmas. thanks for making the coffee. well look who's up. i'm really glad you're here mom. me too. look who's here! starting tbuy moreat kohl's save more take an extra 15 or 20% off
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest -- oh, one of my all time faves. she's a nine-time grammy winner. she's gonna be performing this saturday night on the amc special "imagine: john lennon 75th birthday concert." performing "revolution" by the beatles with a little help from the roots. give it up for sheryl crow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you say you want a revolution well you know we all want to change the world ♪
♪ you tell me that it's evolution well you know we all want to change the world ♪ ♪ but when you talk about destruction don't you know that you can count me out ♪ ♪ don't you know it's gonna be all right don't you know it's gonna be all right ♪ ♪ don't you know it's gonna be all right ♪ ♪ you say you got a real solution well you know we'd all love to see the plan shoo be doo wop ♪ ♪ whoa shoo be doo wop you ask me for a contribution well you know we're
all doing what we can ♪ ♪ but if you want money for people with minds that hate all i can tell you is brother you have to wait ♪ ♪ don't you know it's gonna be all right don't you know it's gonna be all right ♪ ♪ don't you know it's gonna be all right ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ you say you'll change the constitution well you know we all want ♪ ♪ to change your head
shoo be doo wop whoa shoo be doo wop ♪ ♪ you tell me it's the institution well you know ♪ ♪ you'd better free your mind instead ♪ you ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow ♪ ♪ don't you know it's gonna be all right don't you know it's gonna be all right ♪ ♪ don't you know it's gonna be all right ♪ ♪ all right all right all right all right ♪ ♪ all right all right all right all right ♪ ♪ all right all right all right all right ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to mark wahlberg, bill burr, the cast of "star wars: the force awakens." the coolest of the cool, sheryl crow, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there and there. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jennifer lawrence, from "the hateful eight," actor kurt russell, bourbon tasting with master distiller fred noe, featuring the 8g band with ilan rubin. ♪ [ cheers and appuse ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. let's get to the news. "star wars" fans reportedly started camping out in line for last night's "star wars" premier over a week in advance. said the fans, "this counts as ee