tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 23, 2018 12:37am-1:38am PDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- taraji p. henson, star of "silicon valley", actor thomas middleditch, music from yungblud, featuring the 8g band with lil john roberts. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ]. that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump said today that he would like to be interviewed by special counsel robert mueller. well it would be the first interview he's ever done where he actually knows the answers.
"oh, i know this one. yes, i -- i colluded with russia, yeah." [ laughter ] president trump's lead lawyer for the russia investigation, john dowd, has resigned. dowd will go back to his previous job as the voiceover artist for cartoon blood hounds. [ laughter ] "we're on the case." that's right. president trump's lawyer for the russia investigation, john dowd, has resigned after concluding that trump was ignoring his advice. apparently dowd is the one who told trump not to look directly at the eclipse. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] after former vice president joe biden said he would have beat the hell out of president trump, trump tweeted, quote, "he doesn't know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way." [ light laughter ] god, can you imagine that fight?
"what did you say, bro? seriously, my hearing's not so good anymore. what did you say? [ laughter ] honey, what did he say?" president trump hosted the greek independence day celebration today at the white house. it was the best celebration of greece since his kid's hair. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "i like my hair greasy." congress reached a tentative deal last night on a $1.3 trillion spending bill to prevent another government shut down, releasing it only 52 hours before the deadline. wow, just in the neck of time. [ laughter and applause ] according to nbc news, stormy daniels's lawyer is planning to subpoena the trump organization and has demanded they preserve all records related to her. said trump, "records? i only have her dvds." [ laughter ] "why would --
[ applause ] why would a porn star record a record?" [ laughter ] president trump, yesterday, responded to criticism over his call with vladimir putin and said getting along with russia is a good thing, adding, quote, "bush didn't -- bush tried to get along but didn't have the smarts." and you know someone is smart when they call it the smarts. [ laughter ] rock band bon jovi will be releasing their own brand of rosé wine this april. so if you love bon jovi and you love rosé, you're not my real mom, cheryl! [ laughter and applause ] mississippi, yesterday, appointed its first female senator, before realizing its mistake and appointing a raccoon with a gun instead. [ laughter ] prince harry and meghan markle's
wedding invitations have been sent out. so i've been told. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] [ laughter ] the head of new york's mta said yesterday that there's a good chance public transit fares will rise next year. also coming next year, your train. [ laughter ] and finally -- [ cheers and applause ] finally this weekend is the march to end gun violence, where students around the country will make their voices heard. in fact, some are saying these teenagers might be the answer to all our problems. take a look. >> does reading the news terrify you? does criticizing your congressman on twitter feel empty and futile? are you worried you're not actually doing anything to save our country? introducing teenagers! [ light laughter ] once considered a menace to
society, teenagers are now cleaning up the political catastrophe left by older generations. >> i used to cross the streets when i saw teenagers. now i run back over and beg them to fight for my reproductive rights. [ laughter ] >> i used to yell at teens to get off my lawn. now i yell at them to stand at the white house lawn and protest the nra. [ light laughter ] >> unlike you, teenagers have the time to humiliate senators on a cnn town hall, march on the state house to pressure lawmakers before a crucial vote, and threaten complicit corporations with a boycott. >> with teenagers like emma gonzalez doing what i care about, i can finally focus on what i love -- drinking wine and looking at dog pictures on instagram. [ laughter and applause ] >> it's important that teenagers like david hogg have found their political voice. because it gives me more time to watch "the voice." go team kelly! [ laughter ] >> teenagers like cameron kasky have the energy of youth to fight the good fight, which is great. because i don't have any energy because i'm raising two [ bleep ] teenagers. [ laughter ] >> can i have the car keys? i don't want to be in this dumb commercial.
>> this sucks. >> you pieces of -- >> these high school heroes are the future of our country. and knowing that we're in good hands means i can go back to playing "super mario odyssey." [ light cheers ] you can use mario's hat as a weapon or to possess koopas. >> seth: as a 44-year-old i used to look down on teenagers. but then i thought, what makes my generation so great? we were slackers who listened to grunge music and watched desert storm on tv. we straight up sucked. anyway, keep up the great work, teens. >> if you're an adult over 25 and aren't willing to do more for this country than correct trump's spelling on twitter, teenagers might be right for you. warning, not all teenagers are politically woke. if you see a teenager on the street, do not approach them as they may just be a punk kid and punch you in the nuts or mock your appearance with their friends until you cry. [ cheers and applause ] >> sounds like a revolution will be snapple-grammed. is that a thing, guys? >> it's not. >> you're such an idiot. >> you're an idiot! you do not use that word in this house! give me the phone. phone.
phone. phone. phone. >> teenagers, saving our country so you don't have to. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: teenagers, everybody. we got a great show for you tonight! she's starring in the new tyler perry film, "acrimony." taraji p. henson is here. [ cheers and applause ] from hbo's "silicon valley", thomas middleditch is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] and music from a great u.k. artist, yungblud. it is a fantastic night to be here. before we get to all of that, president trump's legal problems keep getting worse. just today his lead personal attorney in the russia probe quit. he's being sued by multiple women. and special counsel robert mueller is putting together a long list of questions he wants to ask trump. for more on this, it is time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: if you thought politics couldn't get any dumber, you were once again proven wrong today when the 71-year-old president of the united states, and the 75-year-old former vice president of the united states threatened to beat each other
up. >> what sounds like a locker room feud between president trump and former vice president joe biden is escalating. it all started on tuesday when biden called out the president over his past crude comments about women. >> they asked me would i like to debate this gentleman. and i said, no. i said, if we were in high school i would take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him. any guy who talked that way was usually the fattest, ugliest s.o.b. in the room. >> well this morning the president tweeted, quote, "crazy joe biden is trying to act like a tough guy. actually he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me for a second time with physical assault. he doesn't know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. don't threaten people joe." [ laughter ] >> seth: this is just what america needs -- the thrilla in vanilla. [ laughter ] the last time i saw old -- two old dudes going at it like that, my local walmart was down to its last bottle of prune juice. [ laughter ]
this whole ordeal is embarrassing, not only because it degrades our political discourse but also because it would never happen. can you imagine these two actually fighting? it would end as soon as one of them accidentally stepped on his own super long testicles. [ laughter ] also, shame on joe biden. you don't have to say you want to fight donald trump, because we all know you want to fight donald trump. when it comes time for someone to fight donald trump, i'm sorry, we're just not going to pick you. we're gonna to pick ronda rousey. [ cheers and applause ] but while trump is engaged in a verbal battle with joe biden he's also engaged in several court battles with people who are suing him or investigating him. now, being sued is nothing new for donald trump. before coming president, trump and his companies were defendants in over 1,400 lawsuits. trump has been in more long, drawn-out suits than steve harvey. [ laughter ] my favorite joke of the night. [ laughter ]
and just before he took office, he had to pay $25 million to settle a fraud lawsuit over trump university. a university that's most popular class was likely how to settle a fraud lawsuit. [ laughter ] of course, trump is already being scrutinized as part of a wide-ranging criminal investigation of his campaign, his ties to russia, his financial entanglements, and his attempts to obstruct justice. you would think it would be hard to add more legal problems to that list. and yet this week trump has been bombarded by one lawsuit after another. >> a former porn star, a former playmate, and a former contestant on "the apprentice," the three women now putting legal pressure on president trump. >> news broke this afternoon that adult film actress stormy daniels's claim that she had an affair with president trump in 2006 was apparently verified by a lie detector test back in 2011. >> the "new york times" breaking the story that former playboy model karen mcdougal is suing to break her silence on president trump. >> a court today also has decided a defamation case brought against the president by
a third woman, summer zervos, can go forward. zervos accuses the president of sexual assault and she is suing him for calling her accusations lies. >> seth: wow. following this presidency is like trying to binge watch entire seasons of "days of our lives", "law and order: suv", and "survivor" on three tv screens at the same time. [ laughter ] what, the porn star took a polygraph? the playmate has an identical twin? omarosa got voted off again? [ laughter ] but these stories aren't just salacious gossip. in each case we're talking about potential violations of civil and criminal law. zervos is accusing trump of sexual harassment and defamation. and in the case of daniels and mcdougal, the payments could have potentially broken federal election law. in fact, things are getting so crazy we're actually seeing the legal arguments in the these cases play out on tv. for example, as we've told you before, trump's personal lawyer michael cohen says he made the payment to daniels without trump's knowledge. and now trump and cohen are going to court to enforce the
agreement and sue daniels for as much as $20 million in damages. and on cnn this week, cohen's lawyer and daniels's lawyer actually went head-to-head and it got heated fast. >> you're going down in flames on this case. there's no question about it. >> i love it when the -- >> there's a conflict -- >> i love it when my opponent's telling me that. >> there's a con -- so he puts in his papers how unethical michael cohen is, which i've never even seen in a complaint before. i don't know why you go through this whole ordeal -- >> 'cause i meant it. because i meant it. >> but guess what. >> because i meant it. >> guess what. >> because i meant it. >> if michael cohen is such a stand-up guy, where is he? >> i -- >> no, no, no, where is this guy? he's dodging the question. >> he is not dodging the question. >> he is dodging the question. he has to hide behind you. >> there are other -- >> where is this guy? >> there are other investigations going on. >> where is this guy? >> i knew there was some sort of -- >> yeah, but where is this guy? >> i was wondering what was in that brown envelope. >> yeah, but where is he? where is he? >> he's going to come out. >> there he is. >> he can't lead. >> seth: is there anything more soothing than the sound of two lawyers arguing on cable television? [ light laughter ] they should start selling it as sleep aid tapes like sound of the rainforest.
also michael cohen, might be time to pay for some new head shots. [ laughter ] my favorite part though is this back-and-forth about the fact that the contract was drafted in california and is subject to california law. >> why did you even go through the trouble of bringing this action? >> by the way, are you licensed in california? >> what -- >> are you licensed in california? >> absolutely not. >> okay. >> why don't you -- why don't you -- >> wait a minute. you're not licensed in california? >> no, i'm licensed in washington and new york. >> okay, well, we're not -- this contract is not governed by washington and new york. >> yeah, but i read california law. >> all of it? >> yeah, all of it. >> that's impressive. >> everything. i read everything. >> sure you did. >> are you licensed in california? >> absolutely not. okay -- >> why did you -- >> wait a minute you're not licensed in california? >> no, i'm licensed in washington and new york. >> okay, well we're not -- [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: sorry. doze off when i listen to that stuff. also he says, i read everything, like the guy at book club who insists he's caught up with everyone else. i read everything. christian whips anastasia, and then when she decides to leave -- we're reading "little women." [ laughter ] in fact, trump has so many legal
problems that he keeps having to hire more lawyers while others quit. just today, his lead personal attorney in the russia probe, john dowd, resigned from trump's legal team. and trump is apparently having trouble finding people to replace him. right now, his white house lawyer for the russia probe is a guy named ty cobb who i think trump mistook for wilford brimley. [ laughter ] "get me the guy from the diabetes commercial." and he also added a combative lawyer and fox news pundit named joseph digenova. look at this guy. he looks like a boxing promoter who sells fake rolexes on the side. [ laughter ] he looks like he's 100 years behind on his alimony. [ light laughter ] he looks like he got caught stealing food from the buffet at a strip club. [ laughter ] "are you putting shrimp in your pockets?" "this is from home. i brought this from home." [ laughter ] but trump has reportedly been looking to add more top-tier talent to his legal team. earlier this week, he reached out to one of washington's most seasoned and respected
litigators to join his team, but got turned down. >> "the washington post" reported that the legal team reached out to ted olsen, who you know as the former solicitor general in the george w. bush administration, to join the president's group of lawyers. >> however, olson has rebuffed the offer. as ted boutrous, one of his partners at gibson dunn, said olson will not be representing president donald trump. >> seth: oh, really? he didn't want to work for trump? i can't imagine why. that's like asking someone to join the crew of the titanic after it hit the iceberg. [ laughter ] we have an opening for the position of lookout. [ laughter ] so -- [ cheers and applause ] trump is now involved in three different court battles involving alleged affairs and accusations of sexual harassment. and then, of course, there's the russia probe. we're now starting to get a clearer picture of what specifically special counsel robert mueller might want to ask trump when the two eventually sit down together, and it's a pretty long list. >> we are learning for the first
time the four main topics that robert mueller's team would like to discuss with the president during a potential interview, and they revolve around the president's own actions, including the president's crafting of his statement aboard air force one over the summer to miscast his son's meeting at trump tower with russians in june of 2016. also, the circumstances surrounding that specific meeting in june 2016 and what the president knew about it. also, the special counsel has indicated that they want to talk about the firings of james comey, the former fbi director, and michael flynn. >> seth: so on top of three separate lawsuits, trump's also gonna be asked by the special counsel about collusion with the russians and obstruction of justice. trump has so many legal problems, i wouldn't be surprised if we started seeing commercials for lawyers targeted specifically at him. [ light laughter ] did you collude with a foreign adversary? are you being sued by a porn star? is your name donald trump? then call the law firm of digenova and cobb. we have no standards. [ cheers and applause ]
let us help you! [ laughter ] this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with taraji p. henson everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks" be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. ♪ ♪ race in to old navy! starting tomorrow get up to fifty percent off the entire store. plus, get women's dresses from twelve dollars and girls' dresses from eight dollars, at old navy.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody! give it up for the 8g band over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, all week long, we've had one of the most demand -- in demand r&b drummers -- r&b and jazz drummers out there. he played with such music legends as prince, stevie wonder, and currently with janet jackson. for more information, head over to liljohnroberts.com. lil' john roberts, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for a wonderful week. you know, guys, we try to stay as up to date as we can on this show when we do our monologue and we do our "closer look." we love to give you news that happened today. sometimes though, i walk off during a commercial break, like i just did, and find out that h.r. mcmaster, trump's national security advisor, he just resigned. he's out. [ light laughter ] john bolton is in. and we have a hiatus next week so you're never going the hear me talk about it, because in a week nobody is going to [ bleep ] care about that.
[ laughter and applause ] so i wanted to mention it now. they have more turnover than our drummers. [ laughter ] our first guest tonight is an academy award-nominated actress you know from her work in "hidden figures" and the hit series "empire." she stars in tyler perry's new film, "acrimony", which is in theaters march 30th. let's take a look. >> what is this? why was her wallet in your truck? >> what? >> after all these years, you still messing around with her, aren't you? hmm? >> no. baby, no. >> after all we been through, robert? >> baby, no. i promise you -- listen. i saw her. it must've fallen out in the truck. >> why was she in your truck,
robert? >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend taraji p. henson, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi, taraji. >> hi. >> seth: welcome back. >> thank you. >> seth: this is very -- [ cheers and applause ] we had tyler perry here last night. >> yes. >> seth: so i got to see another clip of this movie. you're very intense in both clips. this is a film about a divorce. >> yes. those are quite intense sometimes. >> seth: you are -- they're very intense. [ laughter ] have you ever been -- psycho, maybe is not a kind word to describe. >> i wouldn't say that. >> seth: yeah, but have you ever had this sort of behavior with an ex yourself personally? have you been that intense? >> well, i've had thoughts.
>> seth: thoughts, yeah. [ laughter ] >> but, you know, i don't like jail. >> seth: yeah, that's true. [ laughter ] >> i like freedom, so -- but i had thoughts. >> seth: yeah. >> and playing melinda gave me a chance to vicariously live out those fantasies and thoughts. >> seth: that's the best thing. [ cheers and applause ] that must be the best thing about being an actor, you get to live out the thoughts. >> yes, exactly. >> seth: this is your third film with tyler perry. >> yes. >> seth: and when he reaches out to you, is it just a yes right away? is it so nice to work with him that you would never hesitate? >> well, you know, tyler perry -- like you said, this is our third film together. he knew that he had to come to me with something that i would be like, "oh, my god, i have to do this." and when he sent the script to me, i was like, "oh, my god, this is incredible, tyler." so, you know, my hiatus is, you know, in june. he's like, "no, i mean now." i was like, "now?" who does that? i mean, i'm cookie right now. i can't do that. and he was like, "oh, come on, girl, you been living with cookie for three years now, you got her. you can come on down here and
play." he talked me into doing this film while i was still filming "empire." >> seth: that's unbelievable. >> did you know it took eight days to put this film in the can? >> seth: he told me that yesterday. that's the craziest thing i've ever heard. >> right, so my -- there's a younger me who is portrayed by an actress who portrays me on "empire." young cookie. >> seth: yeah, the same actress plays teen cookie. >> yes. and, so, she does the first half of the movie. and then it took five days to put all -- i got 60 pages of my work in the can. >> seth: do you get to do two takes? [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. i was scared. i was like, "tyler, you are crazy!" and if this thing doesn't work, i'm blaming it all on you. [ laughter ] >> seth: i guess it -- i mean it does make sense that somebody like yourself, someone like tyler, you both are very prolific. i'm sure he has a crew full of people that are pros that work on so many things. but it is still very impressive to shoot a feature like that in eight days. >> i mean he -- that man never ceases to amaze me. i mean who does that? who puts -- and wait until you see the film.
it is seamless. >> seth: yeah. >> like we did a fight scene. and he had like six cameras. and they're all working at the same time, you know. you know, he picks and chooses the shots. >> seth: sure. >> sometimes the camera will be in one shot. but he picks and chooses in the editing room. but we're having a fight, and so he goes, freeze. and i had somebody's hair in my hand and somebody's left butt cheek in this hand. [ laughter ] and he's like, "freeze." and then he tells the camera, come, bring the crane in, you move out of the way. steady cam, come in. and he's like, "action" and we pick up the fight. [ laughter ] but when you see the film, it is seamless. you will not even know we did that. >> seth: that is fantastic. congratulations. >> thank you. >> seth: that's so exciting. [ cheers and applause ] you went to the oscars this year? >> i did. i did. >> seth: you were at the oscars. >> yes. >> seth: was there any -- were you excited to meet anybody? i know, that's sort of one of the draws of the oscars, you get to see people you have as heroes and what not? >> yeah, i guess for me, which is the most out-of-body experience for me is when all of these incredible actors that i've looked up to all these
years and watched their body of work -- meryl streep, tom hanks, the list goes on and on. and when i walk by and i go "hi," i'm like a fan. and then they look at me like a fan. and i'm like, well, wait a minute now, who's the real fan here? [ laughter ] so that will never get old for me. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, when they go, "oh, my god, i loved you." and i'm like, "you know me?" [ laughter ] >> seth: you were nominated for an oscar for "benjamin button." >> yes. >> seth: and that is a film -- [ cheers and applause ] i did not realize this, you got a call back after your first audition and you did not want to go to the call back. >> yeah, because by that point in my career, i knew that the audition room is just so the casting directors can save their ass so to speak. you know, because they have already gone out to the stars, they're just waiting for one to bite the bait. and so they do these auditions, just in case the star doesn't -- or whoever the list is. i knew i wasn't on that list. >> seth: yeah. >> because i was in the audition
room. so, i just knew -- i knew i'd been on a million auditions and i was like, they are going to have me go through this, pour my guts out in front of this strange person. and leave my guts in there, and then they're going to hire somebody else. >> seth: sure. >> you know, so i was done. and i said, i'm having a yard sale today. [ laughter ] i mean it was saturday! >> seth: was this a previously scheduled yard sale? >> yes! >> seth: okay. >> flyers had gone out. champagne had been ordered. >> seth: wait, what kind of yard sale are you -- [ laughter and applause ] >> oh, you got to get 'em drunk, honey. >> seth: oh, gotcha. >> you got to get 'em drunk. >> seth: oh, so they walk in and the champagne's just out. >> i pop the bottles right away, get them nice and drunk. >> seth: okay. >> and then, i'm like, "girl, take it all!" [ laughter ] >> seth: so in the end though, you did -- did you cancel the yard sale? >> i had to. >> seth: yeah. >> david fincher was calling. so i went begrudgingly. [ laughter ] and i thought that it was going to be like other -- a callback, like, you know, several other
actresses that did a good job. and i went in and it was a ghost town. it was literally the audition, it was just so i could meet david fincher. >> seth: oh, wow. >> laray mayfield, i love you! >> seth: that's great. >> 'cause she cast all of it, too. >> seth: now tell me how soon after that did you reschedule the yard sale? >> i was like, "y'all, we just going to open -- i'm going to open the doors today but just a couple of hours later." >> seth: yeah, okay. gotcha. [ laughter ] and i want to ask, because we've talked before about how cookie is a character that you play that so many people fell in love with immediately, and -- [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: yeah, of course. and you have -- a lot of fans are drawn to cookie and inspired by cookie. and not just female fans, is that true? >> that is very true. there's this tweet, and i wish i had took a screenshot of it. this was a man and i guess he worked in corporate america. but he was like, i wish i had the balls to kick in that door in that board room meeting and walk in there like cookie. i was like, "this is the best
tweet ever." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, we could use more cookie. all of us could use a little more inner cookie. >> i think cookie lives in all of us. >> seth: yeah. >> you have to choose to tap into her. >> seth: yeah, she is inside of us, imprisoned. >> yes, exactly. exactly! that's a good one. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. it is always such a pleasure to see you. >> thank you for having me. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: taraji p. henson, everybody. "acrimony" is in theaters march 30th. we'll be right back with thomas middleditch. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ hop, two, three, four
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hey, guys. real quick, before our next guest, during the commercial break recently appointed national security advisor john bolton also resigned. [ laughter ] he's been replaced by a bear who just escaped from the circus. [ laughter and applause ] things are moving very quickly. our next guest is an emmy-nominated actor and
comedian you know from hbo's hit series "silicon valley", which returns for its fifth season sunday. let's take a look. >> it's pizza. >> richard, we're just three ceos trying to do right by our companies. >> okay, you know what? i'm glad you turned us down, because i don't want to work with anyone who wants to work with this -- meathead. i'm taking these. i'm taking all of them. >> maybe just take one. you have, like, four employees. >> ha! >> seth: welcome back to the show our friend thomas middleditch. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back, my friend.
>> thank you. >> seth: so good to see you. >> welcome back. >> seth: i want to say happy birthday. >> thanks. >> seth: you recently had one. >> you damn straight. >> seth: and -- [ cheers and applause ] you -- >> i'm now 12 years old. [ laughter ] i'm a big boy! >> seth: well, 12 doesn't seem wrong for how you celebrated. >> no, not at all. >> seth: you went to -- what is it called? pirate's adventure? >> pirate adventure dinner, yeah. >> seth: pirate adventure -- >> no, pirate dinner adventure. it is across the parking lot from medieval times. >> seth: gotcha. >> also a favorite staple of mine. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you have been to medieval times? >> been to medieval times many times. >> seth: so you decided to switch it up. >> yeah, but -- >> seth: and here you are on your birthday. >> but don't worry, i kept it on brand. >> seth: there you go, so -- [ laughter ] >> there i am. >> seth: so what happens at pirate adventure dinner? >> dinner time adventure time. >> seth: yeah. >> it's -- you eat dinner. >> seth: yeah, okay. >> you watch some pirates. there's more of a play. there's more of like a story going on. i think, but i couldn't hear anything. it was like -- they're mic'd up and they're -- [ mumbling ] it is like mumbling. you're like, "what?" and at one point they're like, "yo-ho-ho-ho."
and you're like, okay, we're singing, we're singing, we're singing. [ laughter ] and there were these brief moments of clarity. like, at one point someone had this jewel, and they're like, "that's a cursed jewel and the monster is going to come get us if we have the jewel." and, okay, so we're like following -- okay, there's a monster involved. and at one point they name it. and they go, "we gotta watch out for the loch ness monster." i was like -- whoa, what? wait a minute. [ light laughter ] the loch ness monster is the lake ness monster. so either we're worried about nessie having jumped the confines of land -- [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> or for the last hour and a half we've been in a lake the whole time. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and we're following a story of scottish lake pirates. [ laughter ] i was like -- uh, i'm out. i checked out for a minute and then like nessie comes up through the boat and i was like, "i'm back in." [ laughter ] shiver me timbers, i was wrong. >> seth: are you -- is it safe to say you're the only group there that doesn't also have children with you? >> that does make me sound like a real creep. [ laughter ]
but i like to watch all the youthful enthusiasm of the children there. [ laughter ] bless 'em. beautiful, beautiful kids. [ laughter ] >> seth: congratulations. another season of "silicon valley." >> thanks, man. >> seth: very exciting. [ cheering and applause ]. >> seth: the show -- the show has done such a nice job of advancing the plot every year. but you -- it's an hbo show. >> yeah. >> seth: and you actually, you have a destination and ending of this show that crosses over with another hbo show. >> yeah, well, i don't -- you know, i guess you have to say spoiler alert. >> seth: okay, oh, because you think this might happen? >> yeah, i've been pitching this every single day to both alec berg, mike judge and the creators of "game of thrones", because what i think should happen -- [ laughter ] is i think at one point the dweebs on "silicon valley" should code their way to the center of the internet. first they have to download all the pentiums and increase their gigabyte size. and then they have a portal that goes into the "game of thrones"
world. okay, hear me out. shut up. [ laughter ] and then we get warped in. and then we really just -- i mean at that point i've lost -- i don't know what will happen, because probably realistically this will be like little fingers like sex boy or something. [ laughter ] >> seth: gotcha. >> like, in my mind i'm a knight -- i'm like me and the hound are like, "yeah," back-to-back fighting the white walkers. and we're like high-fiving each other. and he's like, "king of north." i'm like, "me, too." [ laughter ] but realistically, i'm like poisoned victim number two. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i'm on the screen for like one second going, "ahh!" and then i'm done. >> seth: you know, i guess you don't have a lot of skills to bring to westeros. but i was very surprised to hear this,that back in the day when you were younger -- >> yes. >> seth: you took taekwondo classes. [ scattered cheers ] >> heck, i did. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> me and that guy. >> seth: me and that guy.
>> taekwondo! the forgotten art! [ light laughter ] >> seth: how long did you stick with it? was this a lifelong endeavor? >> no, it was not at all. i got -- i was -- man, i got to yellow belt. but in order to get -- >> seth: that's the first belt. [ light laughter ] >> that's the third belt. >> seth: what comes before it? >> it's the second belt. but in taekwondo you get, like, you get, like, white belt. >> seth: okay. >> and then white belt, yellow stripe. >> seth: yep, yep. >> and then you might get like white belt, two yellow stripes, i forget. but it was always a challenge. like, even the beginning, you -- you start out kind of like -- there's a lot of kicking in taekwondo. and so there would be a lot of drills where you'd take these blue mats, like the gym -- the blue gym mats and just, like, kick them. and all of the guys are like, all of the kids who are like -- were really tough were just like, "kiai!" like, whaling on them. and i'm like, "okay, i guess you really got to go for it." and i'd hit it and my foot would hurt. [ laughter ] the pads hurt my feet. [ laughter ] so i'd be like, "ow, oh, man, this sucks." i like the form exercises which if you -- i don't know if anybody's taken any martial arts. usually a lot of them have forms where you're like --
yeah, yeah! >> seth: yeah. >> yeah, yeah! like, off by yourself kind of practicing. loved that. love the solo one. [ laughter ] and then it's like -- i like the performance part. [ laughter ] just me and the stage. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, yeah, all right. and then why i -- why i quit is because i finally got a yellow belt, right? and, i remember getting to the gym. we upgraded from like the basement cafeteria to the gym when you got to yellow belt. and i was like, "okay, cool, more space. more space to practice." and then i immediately saw, like, a huddle of boys and there were like two boys fighting. and i was like, "whoa, whoa, what's this all about?" and they're like, "oh, at yellow belt, you start sparring. this is when it gets good." and i was like, "oh, no!" [ laughter ] and i turned around and called my mom and got her to pick me up. [ laughter ] and that was it. >> seth: and was your mom fine with that? [ applause ] did she embrace it? >> yeah! >> seth: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> look at us. just a -- just a stage full of
pussies. [ laughter ] you quit, too? me, too! >> seth: well, i'm glad it didn't -- you know, ultimately i'm glad you didn't go down the professional taekwondo path, because we're very lucky to have you as a performer. >> yeah, well, you know, maybe i would have done the crossover. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, like, i would have done, i don't know, the john cena, rowdy roddy, rowdy roddy piper. >> seth: it's not too late. >> yeah, you're right. i'll do the other way. weird. middleditch joins wwe. why? [ laughter ] his alter ego is taekwondo guy. mr. yellow belt. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's always so great to see you, buddy. >> thanks! >> seth: thank you for stopping by. >> thanks for having me. [ cheers and applause ] thomas middleditch, everybody! fifth season of "slicon valley" premiers sunday on hbo. we'll be right back with music from yungblud. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ you are many different things in one amazing package, and t.j.maxx gives you the freedom to express every one.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to taraji p. henson, thomas middleditch, yungblud everyone! [ cheers and applause ] thanks again. >> yeah! >> seth: lil john roberts. 8g band! stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: welcome to nbc late night. i'm carson daly, you are watching "last call." and we have been here at the lovely time new york hotel all week long having a good time. and we'v