tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC June 1, 2018 11:34pm-12:36am PDT
they're donating all that time. >> how much fun. >> very awesome. >> all right, jeff. >> good weather tomorrow. if you like the heat, you can go inland. we've got 95 degrees. if you want to go to the coastline, 60s for most of the coast. beaches tomorrow, warmest would be santa cruz, anywhere from 70 to 80 degrees. once we hit sunday, down to 92. through next week, we have a mix of 70s and 80s returning. real quick, if you're looking for an nbc bay area sponsored event -- >> oh, yes. all right. that's going to do it for us. have a great weekend. stay safe. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- julie bowen, justin hartley,
comedian dov davidoff, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 8-7-0 arkansas! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, welcome, everybody! welcome! thank you so much! thank you, thank you, thank you. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you're at the right show. thank you. guys, mother's day is on sunday. happy mother's day to all the
moms. [ cheers and applause ] and to celebrate, the rnc is selling pink "make america great again" hats. [ light laughter ] the perfect way of saying, "i have no idea what to get you for mother's day this year." [ laughter and applause ] thank you? that's right. mother's day is this weekend. that means a lot of people are shopping for that perfect mother's day card. and while there are lots of good choices, there are also some very unpopular cards out there. i'll show you what i mean. for example, this card says, "mom, i love you, but i'm still going to ask you to stay at a a hotel when you visit." [ laughter and applause ] see what i'm saying? they're unpopular. >> steve: not popular cards. >> jimmy: no. these aren't -- no. >> steve: they're truthful -- >> jimmy: this next one says, "i'll always be your loving daughter, because i can't afford to get kicked off our verizon family plan." [ laughter and applause ] you save a lot of money. >> steve: that costs a lot of money. >> jimmy: you save a lot of money. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: this one says, "today's the day i had to tell you, i was the one who crashed the windstar in 1996." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: that's a very specific -- >> jimmy: crashed the windstar. >> steve: yeah. very specific card. >> jimmy: this next one says, "have i told you lately that i need to borrow money?"
and -- [ laughter and applause ] yes, you have. and finally, this one says, "the world's number one mom -- is beyoncé, but you're right up there, too." [ laughter ] they're just unpopular cards. [ cheers and applause ] let's get to some news here. rudy giuliani has resigned from his law firm to focus on working for trump. his co-workers threw him a a going away party. but since he's working for trump, the cake said "see you back here in two weeks." [ laughter and applause ] leave everything where it is, yeah. i saw -- i saw that a a 92-year-old man was just elected to be the next prime minister of malaysia. or as his running mate put it, "i'm going to be the next prime minister of malaysia." [ light laughter ] [ laughter and applause ] did you hear about this? target just debuted a line of matching outfits for the entire family. [ light laughter ] it's part of their make your kids even more embarrassed to be seen with you collection. [ laughter and applause ] we're all wearing overalls.
this is a crazy. i read about a woman in texas who brought home a pair of kittens that turned out to be bobcats. [ audience ohs ] unfortunately, they were eaten by her eagle she thought was a a parakeet. [ light laughter ] i mean, it's just a lot of problems. [ applause ] also, i heard that a zoo is facing charges for taking a a bear out for ice cream at a a local dairy queen. [ light laughter ] even worse, the bear is lactose intolerant. >> steve: wait, what? [ light laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was a messy situation. [ light laughter ] finally, i saw that madame tussauds in london just unveiled wax figures of prince harry and meghan markle ahead of the royal wedding. can we taklohey, not bad. they look pretty good. harry and meghan actually released a statement about the new statues. they said, "we are truly honored. thank you for this wonderful wedding present." then this wax statue of prince william showed up and said, "err mah gahd, you gers leerk great. cerngrats." [ laughter and applause ]
then -- then this wax statue of zac efron showed up and said, "yer, i cern't wait fer ther royal werding." [ laughter and applause ] then this weird statue of soccer star cristiano ronaldo was like, "gering to ther cherple, gerna get merried." then this -- then this old plaque of elvis presley was like, "ferst cerms lerv, then cerms merrage." and finally, this statue of lucile ball showed up and said, "thern cerms baby in ther baby cerrage." [ laughter and applause ] we've got a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! welcome, everybody! guys, be sure to check us out next week. nathan lane will be here. [ cheers and applause ] sterling k. brown.
>> steve: come on. >> jimmy: tina fey will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] plus, we'll have a performances from kygo and miguel, and florence and the machine. [ cheers and applause ] it's a big week. but first, we have an awesome show tonight. from "modern family" and the new movie, "life of the party", julie bowen is here. >> steve: oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: plus, from nbc's "this is us", justin hartley is stopping by! >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and we have great stand-up from dov davidoff, everybody. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guys, this sunday is mother's day, and a lot of people will be spending time with their moms. well, we wanted to have fun with that, so we sent our writer, arthur, down to the 30 rock plaza to ask people one question about mother's day. but what they didn't know is that he never actually gets to thll show you what i mean. it's time for a segment we call "the big question." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what's the big question ♪ >> so, as i'm sure you know, we
are fast approaching mother's day. that special sunday where we celebrate moms, motherhood, the maternal bond and female caretakers around the world. which, although observed in march in some countries, traditionally takes place on the second sunday in may in north america. [ light laughter ] having been founded in 1 1908 by social activist anna jarvis in west virginia, both as a tribute to her own mother and as a counterpart to the celebration father's day. which has existed in some form or another since the middle ages, when knights and squires galloped horseback about the countryside in service of their queen and king. and while former gifts of gold and land have been replaced by wallets and neckties for dad -- [ laughter ] mothers are often honored nowadays with gifts of candy, flowers, chocolates, modest jewelry, cards both store-bought and homemade -- macaroni and construction paper, anyone? [ light laughter ] as well as the completion of household chores just as dusting and mopping, sweeping like t i'm sure you do as well. [ laughter ] or even the preparation breakfast in bed.
that famous mattress meal that can include any number of dishes. including french toast, bagels, eggs, scrambled eggs, fried eggs, hard- boiled eggs, soft-boiled eggs, eggs over easy, pancakes, pankpates, a a pancake scramble, eggs over medium, medium over eggs, easy eggs easy, poached eggs, baked eggs, omelets, frittatas, and little baby eggies. as well as toast with jam and butter, scones, pancakes with real vermont maple syrup, coffee -- or jitter juice, as everyone calls it. and of course, freshly squeezed o.j. just make sure mom doesn't brush her teeth right before drinking it. [ laughter ] but just as no single gift or dish can truly express the gratitude and warmth that we feel towards the women who raised, taught, nurtured and cared for us, we must also ask ourselves if any single holiday is really enough to honor these great people who have made it us who we are. be they our biological mothers, our biological grandmothers, our biological sisters, ants, aunts, teachers, aunts, friends, aunts, oonts, neighbors, babysitters, or
even -- dare i posit -- mother earth herself. of course, also known as -- >> mother? >> gaia. [ laughter ] gaia, the ancestral mother of all life, which itself then leads me to the real question i'd like to ask. how are you? [ laughter ] >> um, good. >> awesome, great. thank you. back to you, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much, arthur! man, he's a funny dude. stick around, we'll be right back with thank you notes, everybody! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ moderator: okay. we are going to talk about cars today. if you were going to design your perfect car, which three features would you choose? safety with the kids. fuel efficiency. man: affordable price. my dream car would have all of these things. moderator: what if i told you that there was a car that did have everything? seriously? woman: okay. moderator: this is the chevy cruze. man 2: go chevy! get 20% below msrp
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! guys, today is friday. and that's usually when i catch up with personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, i return some e-mails, and of , if write out some thank you notes right now? could if you guys wouldn't mind. is that okay? [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the best. james, can i have some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: i think it's a wax figure.
ermahgerd -- that's james from the roots. i lerv playing piano for the roots. [ laughter ] ermahgerd, i like to play -- [ light laughter ] all right, i can't do that. oh, man. thank you, james. ♪ thank you, warm may weather, for being our yearly reminder that everyone's feet are gross. [ laughter and applause ] do you remember that story, remember -- i don't even know if we can leave this. but, i talked about it already, but the audio dude that was putting a microphone on me. >> steve: oh, yes. >> jimmy: he came in and he had those gorilla feet shoes. >> steve: gorilla shoes, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know those shoes, they're so gross to me. >> tariq: i hate those shoes! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they look so -- they're gross. they bum me out. the whole thing's just a bummer for me, and i just feel like it's just sweaty, and it's just wrong. so, he came in, and he's super nice guy.
and i've seen him before, but is shoes, huh?" and he goes, "yeah, they're the best thing ever. i had back problems and they saved my back." i go, "oh, really?" he was like, "i wear them all the time. wore them to my friend's wedding." [ laughter ] so he leaves, and i see chris hardwick and i go, "i hate those sneakers. and the guy wore it to his buddy's wedding? that would bum me out if i was the groom and my friend came in those things." and chris hardwick just points at my microphone -- [ audience ohs ] [ foghorn ] [ laughter ] oh, my gosh! and he was like pretending he's back pedaling. i was like -- i don't like those shoes." >> steve: i don't know what to tell you. >> jimmy: when i did see him again, i did see him again. he wasn't wearing those shoes. >> steve: yeah, there you go. see, you did that guy a favor. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. ♪ thank you, mother's day, for being a special day where kids all over the country come
together to waste macaroni. [ laughter and applause ] hey, that's not a waste. >> steve: it's not a waste. >> jimmy: it's a memory. >> steve: it's called a a keepsake. >> jimmy: yeah. ♪ thank you, giving someone an apple as a gift, for saying you're a teacher i respect and appreciate, or you're a horse. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: either way. >> jimmy: horses like apples. ♪ thank you, urinal cakes, for really stretching the definition of cake. [ laughter and applause ] i like urinal cakes. >> steve: yeah, they're tasty. >> jimmy: i mean, they come in different types and varieties. >> steve: yeah, i love them. >> jimmy: i love the pink filling. >> steve: pink ones. the vanilla buttercup frosting. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. [ light laughter ] >> steve: they're not really cakes, you know. >> jimmy: what's that? [ laughter ] what do you mean? >> steve: they're more like i'd say, like, deodorant pucks.
>> jimmy: like -- deodorant puck? >> steve: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but it's like a moth ball. >> steve: like a moth ball in a a way, i guess. >> jimmy: in a, yeah -- >> steve: in, i guess a cake in the old term of it, but not in a way of eating or anything like that. like something's caked on your shoe, i guess, it's pressed. but i've always wondered, why do they call them cakes? i've thought about this a lot. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: am i -- am i having a a stroke right now? [ laughter ] just let me know. you'd let me know right? you'd let me know if that's happening? >> steve: do you smell burnt toast? >> jimmy: i smell burnt toast, yes i do, yeah. ♪ thank you, croutons, for letting me sneak an entire loaf of bread into my salad. eat healthy! just getting healthy, man. >> steve: blue cheese dressing. >> jimmy: i'm all about 2 2017, dude. [ light laughter ]
♪ thank you, children, for showing your mom how much you love her by buying her a a mother's day gift she doesn't want with her own money. [ laughter and applause ] that's what it is. >> steve: you got me this. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, bowling trophies, for making bowlers look like they're in way better shape than they actually are. that doesn't look like a a bowler. >> steve: bowler. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, canoeing, for being the most relaxing way to fall into a lake. there you have it! those are my thank you notes, everybody! we'll be right back with julie bowen! [ cheers and applause ] julie bowen! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ at&t gives you more for your thing.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a two-time emmy winner from her work on "modern family" and you can also see her alongside melissa mccarthy in the new film, "life of the party," which opened today. please welcome julie bowen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> you have a sign, right, they just stood because they lo andpplause ] >> jimmy: and we love you and i love you. >> thank you! i don't know why i'm nervous to be here. >> jimmy: why would you ever be nervous to be here? >> i don't know. i feel like i don't know. i don't know. >> jimmy: i'm the easiest. i'm the easiest. >> you are, you're sweet and you're kind. and hi, questlove! >> questlove: hi. >> hi. >> jimmy: how is everything? how are the -- i have two girls, you have three boys, right?
>> so, your life is easy now. and will suck later. and mine is hell now, because are -- they just, they harm each other. >> jimmy: what are boys -- what do they -- >> what do they do? they harm. we have to have -- and i'm not kidding you, there's a no penis pulling rule. [ laughter ] that's a hard and fast rule. penis pull -- anybody pulls a a penis -- >> jimmy: pulling your own penis? >> no, penis -- you can pull your own penis. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pullinhe >> jimmy, they can pull their own penises, but that's alone time, different conversation. we've had that, too. >> jimmy: okay, sorry. yeah, okay. i'm just, i'm getting schooled right now. thank you. >> it is all about -- there is so much violence. and you can't tell what's fun. and like penis pulling used to be fun, until then it's tears. [ laughter ] and i was like, hard pass on the penis pulling. >> jimmy: i think penis pulling is -- a lot of people agree, it is very fun. [ laughter ] >> not -- when you're in the bath and they'll -- [ screams ] and then someone's crying.
and i'm like, all right, i don't have one. i don't know what it feels like. >> jimmy: okay. >> but i can guarantee it's a a bad idea. >> jimmy: it's a bad idea. >> it always ends in tears. so, it's no ipad. >> jimmy: oh. >> hard no ipad for one week, if anybody pulls a penis. [ laughter ] but jimmy, they are still idiots. i have one, bless him, blessings. they don't watch late night. [ laughter ] i come outside, and he goes, "mom, watch, watch." okay, so, this ilighgr by the w. so, like, let's say this is the swimming pool behind me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he goes, "watch what i'm going to do, mom." he goes like this, and i think, oh, he's going to do like a a nestea plunge, right? >> jimmy: of course. >> remember like the, wee! because what else do you do from here, into the pool that's back here? what do you do? genius tries to dive through his own legs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> skins his entire spine down. [ audience oohs ] comes out, i mean, sobbing. and i grab him and i go, "listen, i'm your mother, and i
know you're not stupid, but that was the stupidest thing i've ever seen!" [ laughter ] you're not allowed to say that they're stupid. >> jimmy: no, of course not, no. >> but that action that you just took and decided on your own was the dumbest thing -- >> jimmy: dive through his own legs? and how are the twins? >> oh, they're good -- well, one of them is really chill and cool and just really into, like, his hair. and the other one doesn't give a damn about anything. he lives to the beat of his own the kitchen and we have this long hallway, and you turn and there's like, it's like "the shining" with the twins. he's, this is it -- just with not saying, "hey, mom come look," just this is in the hallway. >> jimmy: you turn around the corner, and this is in the hallway. >> for no reason whatsoever. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i mean, that -- >> but, and that's johnny. i love him so much. >> jimmy: yes. >> but what the hell is he doing? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is frightening. >> but this is his jam. and i started thinking, he's always -- he does everything he can do upside down.
i started looking through old pictures and i brought you one. i hope you have it, i hope someone gave it to you. at 1 1/2, watching tv with his brothers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're sitting normal. >> they're sitting normal. they're also giving him full stink eye. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> they're like, buddy, what are you doing on your head? he's watching tv -- >> jimmy: upside down. >> upside down at not even 2-years-old. >> jimmy: but he's upping his game now. he now -- he does tricks now on his head. >> yes, he does. he and his genius twin brother. them between his legs. >> jimmy: i want to show -- [ light laughter ] >> this is what happens when you stop the penis pulling, by the way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, i don't know what's worse. but, watch this. [ audience ohs ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's fantastic. he's a star! he's got something. >> i raised that. he does. he's got something. he really does. >> jimmy: you know what, you
know it would be weirder if you came around the hallway and this was happening. >> oh, my gosh! that really is a horror movie. >> jimmy: that would be really scary. [ laughter ] >> so, they're good. >> jimmy: so, the kids are good, yeah. >> they're good. >> jimmy: dude, you've got to go on the road and do a a stand-up routine. >> about my kids being insane? >> jimmy: yes, of course. >> but then they're going to grow up and hate me. >> jimmy: what do they do for mother's day? are they at that age where they give you anything, like a rock or -- >> well one time they -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i always give my mom a rock. >> i tell you what i want, i want them to give me a card, that's it. a card. write your mom a card. write your mom a nice card, because that's what she wants. maybe not those ones that you read earlier. >> jimmy: no, no, yeah. but, really? >> but you write it, that's nice. i don't want breakfast in bed. >> jimmy: no, i don't want that, either. >> they'll like give you like microwaved cheerios. >> jimmy: i make mom uncomfortable doing that. >> and they like hand them to you and they're like -- >> jimmy: wait for you to eat the whole thing. >> they want me to eat it, and you're like, oh god, no. >> jimmy: yeah, no, no. >> i'm not going to eat this. one year, they set the entire table, they made me wait. they bring me in. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's got -- they've set it with every piece of cutlery, everything in the house. everybody's got 22 forks and stuff.
and i sit down, and i'm like oh, this is fun. i go, okay. and they sit down, they all look at me and i go, i have to go cook breakfast, right? [ laughter ] i had to -- it was my job. >> jimmy: that's your job. >> they set -- >> jimmy: oh, no one made breakfast, okay. >> they set the table. >> jimmy: they set the table for me. >> big win, big win. >> jimmy: big win for mom, yeah. >> and i'm just looking at it going like, there's 4,000 dishes to do after this. >> jimmy: yeah, of course, right. >> no, it's horrible. >> jimmy: this is going to be a a big weekend though for you, because you have this movie, "life of the party," coming out. >> yes, yes. [ cheers and applause ] mother's day. >> jimmy: melissca >> take your mom! it's a good mom-daughter movie, because it's about a mom going back to college with her daughter. >> jimmy: with her daughter, yeah. >> which is everyone's dream. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how great is melissa mccarthy, man. she is so fun. >> if she was my mom, and she's not. i mean, i think i'm older than her, but if she was i would want her to come to my school. she is so fun and funny. she's a filthy woman, though. [ laughter ] her mouth is filthy. >> jimmy: but when she says something -- >> but she says it, you don't care. >> jimmy: it makes it feel like it's cute. >> it's adorable. >> jimmy: she's so funny. >> you've never heard such a a foul mouth. >> jimmy: also, what a great physical comedian, as well. >> she's astounding.
i watched her, there's a dance off, and she does the worm in it. and she does the worm. >> jimmy: she is great. [ light laughter ] >> i mean, she does the worm. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's pretty amazing, yeah. >> jimmy: i want to show a a clip. >> okay, there's a clip. >> jimmy: oh, before i do that, "modern family" update. >> oh, yeah. well, we don't know. we don't know if it's the last season. we think it is. [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: okay, i'm gonna start crying. >> but you can't complain. >> jimmy: no -- >> no, because how many shows have gone ten seasons? how many comedies? >> jimmy: i mean -- rare. >> i mean, like "frasier." >> jimmy: yeah. >> "friends." >> jimmy: yeah, but i -- >> "gunsmoke." >> jimmy: sure. that's a funny show. >> it's -- and you can't count soap opera -- i mean, there's just not that many, so it's a pretty amazing kind of -- >> jimmy: that's gonna be a a little -- [ cheers and applause ] you guys are amazing. t yodon't know. >> we -- it's, it's like -- it's on the 99% this is as far as our contract goes, so probably. >> jimmy: wow. >> i know. god, you're just making me cry. >> jimmy: i know, i'm sorry i brought it up! we were having so much fun. >> yeah, i kind of am. sorry. i mean, i thought we were doing -- >> jimmy: well, i'm just a fan. i'm just a fan of the show.
all right, "life of the party," melissa mccarthy. i want to show a clip. here's julie bowen and melissa mccarthy in "life of the party." take a look. >> as you know, this mediation is here to help facilitate the terms of your divorce. all right, so, just so you know, this is not a court of law, all right? you will all be civilized and you will please address all speech to me. >> you betcha. >> to you. >> to you. >> to you, yes. to me. >> no cross-talk. >> no. >> so, even if we want to talk to one another we can't. i mean, if i wanted to say, dina. >> you'd look at me. >> i'd look at you, i'd say, deanna, i am going to have a a beautiful life with your husband. >> this is not helping our process.e clse ust tont to say for the record, i just needed an upgrade in my life, deanna. >> okay, you son of a -- >> to me please. >> i'm sorry, you son of a a bitch. [ laughter ] >> no. you're the son of a bitch. >> you're the son of a bitch. >> you're the son of a bitch. >> i object! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's karen maruyama, right there. >> yes! >> jimmy: she was my groundlings teacher, i love
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and stand up to donald trump. as governor, you can trust me to do what's right- because i always have. ♪ [ cheers and applaus >> jimmy: our next guest is a a talented actor and one of the stars of the giant, emmy-winning show "this is us." [ cheers and applause ] everyone, please welcome justin hartley! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: ah, welcome. >> that is a warm welcome! >> jimmy: yeah. >> you have the best audience on the planet. this is great. >> jimmy: no, they love you, man! come on! [ cheers and applause ] dude, you've been hitting it out of the park. thank you for coming here. i know you -- >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: -- you live in l.a., so thank you for flying. >> i do, yeah.
flew out here -- flew out here a few days ago with my daughter, which is great. my daughter's 13 now. >> jimmy: wow! >> so, we flew out. we got, you know, father-daughter time. [ laughter ] no, it's amazing. she's a dream. and we're sitting there, and i got my sort of headphones on and she's got hers on. >> jimmy: yep. and we're bonding. father-daughter. [ laughter ] >> bonding. the flight tracker thing and she just says, "oh, regina, saskatchewan. regina." and all i heard was vagina. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she -- and the plane's rumbling. and she's screaming, "vagina." i'm like, "what is -- i don't need this." you know, in my life. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, absolutely. that's a stressful -- >> i don't want to be here. >> jimmy: you're like, "what are you saying?" >> what is happening? what did i do wrong? it's too late, i can't fix it. it's like -- i said, "what are you doing?" and so she points to the tracker and she's like, reg --" i was like, "oh, it's cit -- guys, it's a city! [ laughter ] it's a city in canada." >> jimmy: we're not -- no one's yelling anything yet. >> this is my daughter, it's fine. she's -- >> jimmy: no one pull your penises or anyone else's. [ laughter ] >> she's -- yeah, no penis pulling. >> jimmy: no penis pulling. >> she's been doing that to me my whole life, though. we -- i remember when she was a a lot younger, like, i don't know, about yea-big. i don't know, what's that like?
>> jimmy: three, four? >> two. i don't know. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> she was like -- we were in this place called bed bath and beyond which is basically, like, you go in there -- >> jimmy: i know that. [ laughter ] >> yeah, you go in there to spend -- >> jimmy: i'm from america. yeah, i -- [ laughter and applause ] i don't know what bed bath and beyond is, yeah. >> well, i'm just saying, like, that's -- >> jimmy: there's one in regina. >> yeah, it's a great one. [ talking over each other ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: beyond, yeah. >> no, it's that place you go in to spend $10 and you walk out, and spend like $1,000. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly, yeah. >> and i'm walking down and ehi. she's the cutest little kid you've ever seen in your life. and i'm walking, and she's like, "daddy!" i go, "yeah, baby?" [ laughter ] and i misheard. >> jimmy: wait, what? >> no, she didn't. i totally misheard. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i go, "what?" [ laughter ] and she goes, "wash your balls!" and i was like, "what?" i -- and there's a woman next to me, i'm like, "i do!" i'm the most hygienic -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you got to explain -- >> constant -- i'm like, i don't -- what is happening? who am i raising? a monster? i turn around and i go, "what is happening?" >> jimmy: yeah. >> right now.
>> jimmy: yes! >> in our lives where you have to scream that -- and she holds up this thing, and it's a product that you put in your washer, you put detergent in it, and it's called washer dash balls. they're washer-balls. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so she was saying washer-balls. >> washer -- they also make dryer-balls. [ laughter ] well, if you wash your balls -- >> so, that's my daughter. [ laughter and applause ] so, that's my daughter. and part of me thinks -- part of me thinks she does that stuff on purpose. she, like, kind of knows. she's got a really keen sense of humor. >> jimmy: she's funny. >> she's funny. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then she plays like the, "oh, i didn't know." >> jimmy: yeah, of course, yeah. [ laughter ] >> of course. >> jimmy: last time we talked -- you said that you were going to the kentucky derby. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you go this year? >> didn't go this year. just traveling and stuff. i love going. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i didn't get a chance to go this year. i did go last year. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it rained and we did -- i got this great opportunity to -- have you done the kentucky derby parade? it's wonderful. it's like they -- >> jimmy: oh, i know the parade -- no, i mean -- >> oh, it's fantastic! like, so many people come out for it, the whole town. i mean, it's really awesome, but it rained. and so, the whole thing was i was supposed to sit in this -- this convertible, right?
and wave, you know, just wave to people and they wave back and it's going to be great. but it's pouring rain, so they put the convertible up, and it's a corvette. so the window -- the top is like -- >> jimmy: you're tall. >> and the window is here. [ laughter ] so the whole -- the whole parade i'm like -- >> jimmy: it's like, "whose famous neck is that?" >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> so there's a bunch of great pictures of that. we get, like -- we get, like, halfway through the parade. >> jimmy: awful parade. >> and the guy that's driving me around -- >> jimmy: you're not even driving? >> no, i'm busy. [ laughter ] and this guy -- the guy who's driving me around, he goes, "man, i got to tell you. he's like, "i'm going to have to pull over here or something's going to get messy. i've got a problem happenin' right now." [ laughter ] and i'm like, we're in trouble. we're, like, halfway -- you know, there's the parade starts here, we're here and it ends here. dude stops. stops the parade. [ light laughter ] gets out to use the port-a-potty. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sounds like a a disaster. >> this guy's gone for a bit. i mean, he's gone -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but the parade is now stopped? >> no, no, they went. we stopped. there are now two parades. there's the delayed --
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's like a large gap -- >> yeah, and, like, the beginning of the parade is like -- the second parade is me just like, "when's he gonna come back? [ laughter ] when's he gonna come back?" it was a disaster. >> jimmy: unbelievable. all right, yeah. well, you got to go back, and you got to beat it. >> i've got to fix that. >> jimmy: you got to fix that next time. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. what a great year you had with "this is us." >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: a great season. and -- [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: a great -- a lot of great episodes with your episode that centered around you, you knocked it out of the park, man. >> thanks, brother. i appreciate that. >> jimmy: it was fantastic, dude. >> thank you, man. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> jimmy: you got to work with sylvester stallone and ron howard -- >> well -- >> jimmy: right? >> that's just my life. yeah, i got to work with sylvester stallone, which was amazing. the guy's so great. and -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i've done, like, five scenes where my character, kevin pearson, is in a scene with ron howard, but i've never been on set with him. it's phone calls and like -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's phone calls. >> jimmy: yeah. >> or, like, he'll be giving direction, i'll be like, "okay, ron." and they cut to me, they cut back to him. he's in, like, london or something. i don't know where he is, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've never actually
met ron howard? >> i met him offset. he gave me, like -- we were walking around paramount together. he's the nicest guy. you know this, probably. >> jimmy: oh, i love that. >> isn't he the greatest? >> jimmy: yeah. oh, paramount's where -- that's where you shoot -- >> "happy days." they shot "happy days" there. so he's walking around, and i'm with my mom, and my mom is like -- [ laughter ] because ron howard is talking to me like i'm just some regular guy, like we went to >>nd my mom is like, "what is g?"penin >> jimmy: i remember going on auditions there and not getting the part. but i remember going -- [ laughter ] >> moo an office there, or had an office there and he goes, "i like this studio because you can just walk and then you'll see, like --" >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know, someone from "star trek" having a a coffee break. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and we turn the corner, and there's a klingon smoking. [ laughter ] and he was like, i was like, "it's the great --" it just makes you feel like you're in the business. >> it is. and there's like -- you can see the hollywood sign from there. it truly is like a postcard. >> jimmy: i love it so much. >> you know, i do, too. >> jimmy: have you started shooting season three yet? >> we don't start until -- they haven't told me. no, i'm kidding. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> i was like, this is my -- goodbyes. >> jimmy: yeah, no, no.
>> after the 4th of july, we'll go back. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> we'll go back after the 4th of july. >> jimmy: do you ever know what's going to happen, like, what they're writing? >> i know a few things. i mean, i know -- we know the broad strokes of the season. we sit down with dan, dan fogelman, the creator of the show. >> jimmy: oh, he's fantastic. >> he's fantastic. >> jimmy: are we going kevge? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i hope so, because that's job security for me so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's true. >> there's a lot of twists and turns. >> jimmy: i mean, they can't kill you off, yeah that's true. >> it's a lot of twists and turns, so if i see older kevin, i'm like -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> "boom!" [ laughter ] we're good for a while. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip from the show. >> cool. >> jimmy: here's justin hartley in the past season of "this is us." take a look. he pump fakes. he rolls to his right. he tucks the ball, he's in traffic. woosh! shucks a defender. he looks down field. he's got a man open, wide open. he sees his entire future. notre dame. heisman trophy. first round draft pick, rookie of the year, super bowl mvp. he sees his dad in the stands as he holds the super bowl trophy. his dad's proud of him, like, tears down his eyes proud of him. he says, "that's my son.
that's my son." pearson's about ready to release. he cocks back. boom! he's down, folks! ladies and gentlemen, pearson's down and he's not getting up. his knee is wrecked. one, folks. >> jimmy: oof. [ cheers and applause ] u're good.d, man. justin hartley right there, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] the new season of "this is us" premieres in the fall. we'll be right back with stand-up comedy from dov davidoff. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest recently published his memoir, "road dog: life and reflections from the road as a stand-up comic." it's available now on amazon. please welcome the very funny dov davidoff, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> oh, yes! hi, everybody. i don't know, how do you guys want to play this? [ laughter ] you know, i feel like -- i've been thinking a lot about life and death, you know? my buddy believes in heaven. and i asked him what his idea of heaven was, and he said, "when i die, i believe that i'll be reunited for eternity with all of my family that passed away before me." and i thought, "is that what we want?" [ laughter ] do you want to be reunited with your family for eternity?
[ laughter ] l if i die right now and see my whole family on a cloud and they're like, "hey, dov." i'd be like, "hey-hey!" [ laughter and applause ] i'll stop by and all, you know, but i'm not doing eternity over there. [ laughter ] i mean, i think we can all agree the last 30 thanksgivings have not gone smoothly, you know? [ laughter ] i don't know. the point is, i can't satisfy a a woman. [ laughter and applause ] you know -- i've been -- i've been married. i'm married two years now, and i'm in couples therapy with my wife. and -- and i love her very much, but i'm still trying to figure out how to -- how to talk to her, you know? [ light laughter ] and like, how to communicate. my wife comes from a small town in canada, and she tends to be a little under expressive, a a little passive aggressive, and i tend to maybe say too much, you know? but if i'm wrong, correct me! if you're wrong, let me correct you! it's a better life that way, you know? [ laughter ] i'm driving. i'm driving near a beach and my wife points in the distance,
and she said, "look at that lifehouse." lifehouse, with an "f." [ light laughter ] apparently, she's been under the impression her whole life that a lighthouse is called a a lifehouse. [ laughter ] and so i said -- i said -- all i said is, "that's a a lighthouse." and she said, "that's what i said." and i said, "no, you know that? [ laughter ] that's not what you said. you said lifehouse with an "f," you know?" and then you could feel a cold canadian wind blow through the car. [ laughter and applause ] and she goes, she goes, "well, you know everything." and i was like, "i, you know, i mean. [ laughter ] honey, i don't know every -- i mean, i know this, you know? what am i -- [ laughter ] what's it? an ego thing? i know the name of the object. [ laughter ] i'm not trying to make a big deal out of it, you know? but then i realize -- i realize -- you know, since i've been in therapy and i'm getting all there hopefully psychologically, you know it so, i realize, i don't have to argue about every instance. and so, i just took a deep breath and said, "okay," and i kept driving, you know?
i was proud of myself. i then we were pulling into the hotel at night and i stayed with the breathing. i just put my hand on hers and i just said, i just said, "honey, i mean, it's got a damn light on it, you know?" [ laughter ] you know, like, i don't want to -- [ applause ] you know what i mean? i'm not trying to make a big deal out of it, i'm just saying. you know, i don't want to argue. i'd rather get a divorce than call it a lifehouse, but i don't want to argue, you know? [ laughter ] and so that happened. that happened on a friday. and then on monday, we walk in to couple's therapy, and i didn't realize my wife was still holding on to all of that energy, and i -- [ light laughter ] the way couple therapy works is you walk in, and the therapist says, "how is everything?" and before i had a chance to sit down, my wife goes -- and she goes, "i said lifehouse. [ laughter ] and he flipped out." and i said, "that's not an accurate characterization of what happened." [ laughter ] i said, "she did say 'lifehouse,' and i said, you
know, the word -- tell her the word, you know? it's 'lighthouse!' if you could tell it to my wife, we could move on with our lives! what's this? a couple's therapy issue? it's reality! it's just a word, right?" but the therapist won't say anything. he's looking for something deeper and he said, "this seems really important to you." [ laughter ] and then i was like, "i don't know, man, i mean, important, not important. you know, we have words for things." [ laughter ] i always thought the idea of a a society is that there was some shared language. otherwise, we're all pointing at objects, making up our own term, you know? [ laughter ] and that would be chaos! my wife is tearing down society, you understand. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so then, you know, everybody -- i appreciate it, but it's like -- and then we leave therapy. you know? it's going okay. our life for the next 20 minutes. and we stop at a coffee shop and my wife is looking through her instagram, and it occurred to me, instagram is making everybody's life a little bit worse, you know? because there's no way you can
feel as good about your life when comparing it to an instagram. like, because instagram's not a a life, it's a moment. it's a snapshot of a moment from a life. it's a commercial for a life. if you would have seen my wife's instagram from our terrible weekend, you would have thought we were the kennedys on summer break. [ laughter ] the sun is in the right place, my wife is sipping a wine. there's a -- she's got a heel up. [ laughter ] there's a dog catching a a frisbee midair. [ laughter ] there's no picture of us having a divorce-level argument over a a stupid lifehouse! [ laughter ] have a good night, everybody! thank you for listening. god bless. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! oh. dov davidoff, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] for more, check out dovdavidoff.net. we'll be right back, everyone. oh, my god! that was unbelievable! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ in the face of senseless violence, we need hope.
i'm jeff bleich. preventing violence has long been my cause. after columbine, i led president clinton's youth violence commission. i joined joe biden to reduce domestic violence, helping boys become men. i beat the nra in court, defending gun laws that save lives. today, a new generation is rising, and this is our moment. in the streets and in the capitol, i'll stand with them.
boasting. overselling his achievements. making false claims. as lieutenant governor, he skipped many of his duties, saying the job was "so dull," he only shows up to work at the state capitol "like one day a week, tops." the same gavin who, as mayor, "split town" during a massive oil spill and "jetted off...to hawaii." gavin's... not gonna work... as governor.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dov davidoff once again, everybody! oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] how -- how -- how is your marriage, though? >> it's perfect, jimmy. how do you think it is? [ light laughter ] no, it's a -- no. you know, it's interesting. like, there's a lot of love, but i was reading an article about vincent van gogh and how he cut off a piece of his ear and sent it to his girlfriend. and i thought, "that's crazy." until you've been in one of those kinds of relationships. and then i thought, "i can't believe that doesn't happen on a regular basis to lots of
people," you know? [ laughter ] i could see taking an ear off. you're in the kitchen, you're in one of those lifehouse arguments and there's a knife on counter. and you're like, "you know what?" [ light laughter ] and then she's like, "you're bleeding." and you're like, "yeah, well, it's a trade off. i can't hear you." [ laughter ] in stores now. in stores now. >> jimmy: in stores now. my thanks to julie bowen. [ cheers and applause ] justin hartley, dov davidoff, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] you are so good, man. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. hope to see you next week. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- keith urban, from "brooklyn nine-nine," actress stephanie beatriz, music from keith urban, featuring the 8g band with carter mcclain. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ >> seth: good evening, i'm
seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in this case let's get to the news. rudy giuliani was interviewed last night by fox news host, sean hannity. and i don't want to say giuliani screwed trump, but michael cohen gave him $130,000. [