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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  July 16, 2018 11:34pm-12:38am PDT

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org" found that these two are th sevens youe probably know this, emojis are everywhere, so much we now have a ranking. these two are the most popular in the country. the hard eyes and the thumbs up. i use the thumbs up actually all the time. mine is a brown skin, my shade. >> did they survey you? >> the most popular emoji specific to california. what is it in california? it's the blessed emoji. either we're blessed to live here or praying for affordable housing. >> i thought the blessed was the hands together, i'm blessed praying. >> that's what i thought. >> i like the boy with the cowboy hat. >> we could be debating this all night. good night. >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- jamie foxx and taron egerton,
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zoey deutch, comedian mark normand. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 896. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man. that's what i'm talking about. that is what i'm talking about. hot crowd. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. you're here. that's what i'm talking about. good to be back.
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guys, the big story is that today president trump met with russian president vladimir putin in finland. trump was pretty nervous. so which makes sense, because most people are nervous when meeting their boss. [ laughter and applause ] they met one on one and the meeting lasted for two hours. or about one hour and 58 minutes longer than his meeting with stormy daniels. [ laughter and applause ] and just so you know -- [ cheers and applause ] but it was the first time trump and putin had met one on one behind closed doors. and this is very interesting, trump actually released a video to describe how excited he was to be alone with putin. watch this. ♪ >> i think we are alone now. there doesn't seem to be anyone around. and i think we're alone now. the beating of our hearts is the only sound. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, according to experts, trump and putin had a
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a lot to negotiate in their meeting. trump says negotiations went great. putin now controls new york and california. [ laughter ] in exchange, trump got three magic beans. [ laughter and applause ] so it's very, very -- "who knows what they do. i don't know." actually, at the end of the meeting, trump and putin didn't sign any formal deal or agreement, mainly because they both spent the whole time trying to make sure the other guy wasn't sacha baron cohen. [ laughter and applause ] "are you real?" [ laughter ] but after their time together, putin did say that the meeting went very well. in fact, it went so well that putin said he might make trump president for another four years. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience boos ] he said that. a lot of people are talking about this. [ laughter ] trump and putin also held a a press conference where trump actually defended putin and seemed to side with russia over his own intelligence agencies. check out what he said about 2016.
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>> all i can do is ask the question. my people came to me. dan coats came to me and some others, they said they think it's russia. i have president putin. he just said it's not russia. i will say this, i don't see any reason why it would be. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, sure. if putin told you, it must be true. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "good enough for me. my people --" [ applause ] what? but after the press conference, cnn, msnbc and even fox news slammed trump for his performance. trump said he shouldn't jump to any conclusions until we hear what cartoon network has to say. [ laughter and applause ] then we know it's bad. [ applause ] it wasn't all business at the meeting. when he first sat down with putin, trump talked about the world cup. he sounded like a real expert. listen to this. >> i'd like to congratulate you on a really great world cup. i watched quite a bit. in the united states, we call it soccer. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: "soccer is like foosball, but with actual people. just with actual people." [ laughter and applause ] then he said, "in american football, it's the one where i yell at all the players on twitter. that's what we call it in america." [ laughter and applause ] at the end of their press conference, putin actually gave trump a soccer ball. take a look at what trump did with it. watch this. >> speaking of the football actually. [ speaking foreign language ] mr. president, i'll give this ball to you and now the ball is in your court. [ speaking foreign language ] >> that's very nice. in fact, melania, here you go. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's also how he gave melania her engagement ring. [ laughter and applause ] pick it up. take it out." putin was like, "be careful. there's expensive recording device inside soccer ball. [ laughter and applause ]
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so speak into the little nozzle when you --" [ light laughter ] speaking of soccer, this weekend france won the world cup and they were led by a a 19-year-old prodigy named kylian mbappe. after the game, mbappe said winning the world cup totally makes up for being named after a hanson song. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i know you feel it. [ laughter ] oh, before he met putin, trump was in the u.k. where he met queen elizabeth. did you see that? [ light laughter ] it got off to a bumpy start when the first thing trump told the queen is that he knows all the words to bohemian rhapsody. [ laughter and applause ] "can you do the fandango? i do fandango. mbappe." [ laughter ] you see this? when trump met with the queen, they went to view the royal guards. they got a little confused about where to position himself. check this out. ♪
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness. >> steve: come on. what? >> jimmy: trump walks like every single tourist in times square. [ cheers and applause ] "there's a lot of m&ms in that store. take a picture. [ laughter ] okay, that's a lot of m&ms." all right. some good news here, the 12 boys who were rescued from a a cave in thailand last week are about to be released. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ they're about to be released from the hospital. they said the first thing they want to eat is kfc. [ light laughter ] then their doctor is like, dear god, haven't your bodies been through enough? [ laughter and applause ] i mean, good, please.
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what are you doing? and finally, i heard that you can now buy high heeled crocs on amazon. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] take a look at these. [ laughter ] yep. they're great for whether you want say, "i have somewhere to go and nowhere to go at the same time. [ laughter and applause ] you guys, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: i'm so happy to be back! we have a great show tonight. we are back from a two week break. i had a great time. but i'm back. i'm refreshed. i'm so psyched. we have a great -- [ cheers and applause ] i love you guys. i missed you. i missed you, roots. [ cheers and applause ]. we have a really fun show tonight. from the upcoming film "robin hood" jamie foxx and taron egerton are here. [ cheers and applause ] come on!
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you can't get better than these guys. and we have the exclusive world premiere of the "robin hood" trailer tonight. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] i love him. plus, from the hit netflix movie "set it up," zoey deutch will be here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] zoey deutch! later tonight, jamie, tarian, zoey and i are facing off in the game of charades. >> steve: oooh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and we have great standup. a very, very funny human being, mark normand is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "tuesdays with stories." mark normand here is. guys, you ever see that photo in the news and think, that headline could be much, much better? >> steve: all the time. >> jimmy: yeah. well, i'll show you what i mean. it's time for "news and improved." here we go. [ cheers and applause ]. ♪ ♪ news and improved >> jimmy: for example, check out this first photo here. the original headline was trump defends putin at summit. the headline can definitely be improved. because if you only look at the
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photo, the headline could have been, men avoid eye contact in urologist waiting room. [ laughter and applause ] check out this next photo, the original headline was college basketball coaches concerned about tournaments. but if you only look at the photo, the headline could have been lord voldemort launches used car dealership. [ laughter and applause ] this next headline was trump hotels shows link between u.s. and russia. headline could have been, arts and crafts day huge hit at summer camp. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: "lanyards." >> jimmy: wow. wow. next headline was trade rumors surround orioles shortstop. headline could have been, man still saying what's up in 2018. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what's up. the next headline was, commerce secretary to sell stock. headline could have been, man can't believe table that was
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just seated already got food. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: "do you believe that?" next headline was president weighs supreme court options. headline could have been, game of charades goes downhill when dad acts out shake weight. [ laughter and applause ] oh hey dad, hey. the next headline was, 300 foot iceberg spotted near greenland. the headline could have been, stars of "titanic," where are they now? [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] "my jewel." [ laughter ] please. hold on. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: it really means that much? don't go by the edge of the boat. >> steve: yeah, don't throw it away. >> jimmy: put it in a safe. there's a safe in the room. >> steve: yeah, come on. save it. they would have got it later. >> jimmy: yeah, the trick is to set up the digital codes. but once you figure it out, very usable safes. [ light laughter ] >> steve: put it in your pocket, man. you were clothed. >> jimmy: my jewels. >> steve: my jewelry. >> jimmy: my jewelry fell off. [ laughter ] >> steve: grandma sandler. >> jimmy: adam sandler was in
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"titanic." [ laughter ] [ gibberish ] [ laughter ] [ gibberish ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ gibberish ] and finally, this headline was, trump balloon takes flight in london. [ light laughter ] the headline could have been pillsbury doughboy not aging well. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. that's all the time we have for "news and improved." [ cheers and applause ] stick around, we'll be right back with jamie foxx and taron egerton, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's the ford summer sales event and now is the best time to buy. and check out the all-new ecosport. protect those who matter most, and make the summer go right with ford, america's best-selling brand.
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mauled an alameda county fire battalion chief. the dog remains under quarantine. also -- san francisco )s proposed ban on plastic straws, passed its first significant vote. if enacted, the legislation would ban plastic straws and several other disposable plastic items. our next digital update is in an ho
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guests are the stars of the highly anticipated film "robin hood" which hits theaters this fall. tonight, we will be showing you the exclusive world premiere of the "robin hood" trailer. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jamie foxx and taron egerton. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: good to see you, buddy. nice to see you, pal. jamie, please -- [ cheers and applause ] >> come on. come on. >> jimmy: hi, jamie. hi, jamie. i guess taron took that seat. yeah. how are you doing, buddy? everything -- >> it's all good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> the movie isn't cool. >> no, it's fine. it's fine. this is -- usually i sit -- it's okay. >> jimmy: no, that's perfect. i just -- i was just -- usually, just jamie's right here. >> yeah. it's okay. >> jimmy: just little different, yeah. >> i just try to get -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. now that's too close. you can go there and spread out. chill. >> no, it's all good. it's all good. i like being all the way over here. [ laughter ] >> do you wanna -- do you wanna sit? >> no, no, no. i'm just -- i'm just kidding. >> jimmy: jamie, i -- >> it's racial. >> jimmy: i had you on set -- [ laughter ]
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>> right. >> all the years! man, i was the man back then! i was the -- this is racist, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is not true. it's not true at all. oh, my -- oh, my -- you're taking a -- [ cheers and applause ] don't take a knee! don't take a knee! that is not -- that is not what we're doing here. >> someone call kap! somebody call kap! >> jimmy: somebody call -- oh my -- somebody call kap. oh, my gosh. >> okay. i'll -- >> jimmy: i'm happy you're here. i know -- jamie i heard this. tell me if it's true. you're doing standup again? >> i'm going back on standup tour. it's "back on my funny ish." make sure you come check -- check it out. but make sure you have distance when you come see me. no, because the jokes are that funny that if you're this close, somebody might die. [ laughter ] and they'll say you'll probably get evidence that i killed. >> jimmy: yeah, it's that good. yeah, you literally kill. yeah. >> no, i'm going back out. and come check it out. it's some funny stuff. >> jimmy: do you remember the first time -- [ cheers and applause ] i'm gonna check you out. do you remember the first time you did standup? how old were you? >> the first time i did standup i was in school. i was in school, because i was always sort of disruptive.
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so ms. reeves said -- you know like, third grade. i won't send you to the principal's office, but you got to calm down. i'll let you do standup on fridays for the class. >> jimmy: wow. >> so i would do standup. but i would watch "the tonight show." i'd watch johnny carson. because my house -- in my room was the only tv. so i would watch whatever joke steve allen or franko -- whoever was telling. >> jimmy: that's right. >> and then i'd tell at school. because the kids didn't know. they didn't have -- they had no clue. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they didn't know johnny carson. >> but i think i was doing, like, jimmy carter impersonations. you know. which i went on to do my first -- when i first went on stage, i was like 18, i was the only black dude doing ronald reagan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. and it was crazy. [ reagan impression ] "well, well, as a matter of fact." [ laughter ] and i would do him as a crip because it was crips in the -- [ laughter ] no, it was a hood club. it was all crips in the thing. "i am cripping, well." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm cripping.
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oh, my gosh. >> if you guys were african-american, this thing would have you laughing on the -- [ laughter ] you'd be like -- >> jimmy: do you remember your first live performance? >> the first i was on stage. so my mother had a copy of "bambi" on vhs, because i think it was made in like 1 1945 or something. but i -- >> jimmy: that's when the vhs came out. [ light laughter ] >> exactly. 1945. >> jimmy: 1945. >> but she took me to the cinema to see a sort of re-run of it. and because i knew the songs so well, i walked down the aisle at the point when "drip, drip, drop, little april showers" starting playing. and i got on the stage and sang it to the people in the cinema. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "bambi" was your debut. >> yeah. "bambi" was my -- >> jimmy: walt disney. that was -- >> it was my debut. >> what was the song? >> "drip drip drop." you don't know that? >> and how did that go? [ laughter ] ♪ drip drip drop little april showers ♪ [ laughter ] >> that was crazy. >> he can -- listen, when we was working on "robin hood", the boy can absolutely sing.
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and i mean like -- >> jimmy: of course he can -- >> no, but really listen. like i try to hold that space, but then i heard this dude sing. i said, who is this in my lane? [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? that's my lane. and we were in a church, i think it was croatia, right? >> i think it was, yeah. >> and you started singing something. what was that you were singing? >> i can't remember. i think it was welsh, but i can't remember. and my voice -- just a little, uh -- >> jimmy: come on -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i got to, i think. >> you got to. taron, taron, taron, taron! [ chanting ] >> jimmy: all right, here we go. here we go. >> see that wasn't -- >> jimmy: we won't -- >> we might -- this is genuinely unprepared. this was not on the agenda. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, good, i like that. >> so that was a welsh run. and i think it might have been a bit of "calon lan." it's not quite as rock and roll as the roots. but -- >> jimmy: give us a taste. ♪
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[ singing in welsh ] >> that's -- i'm not gonna go -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. thank you. >> hey, hey. >> jimmy: i mean -- >> i'm telling you. am i right? >> jimmy: he can do it. that's fantastic. >> thank you. >> because i was looking at the roots. they was like -- [ laughter ] ♪ that's great, man. >> jimmy: jamie you killed it on the b.e.t. awards, hosting. as every time i see you host. >> thanks, man. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: you do everything as well. a singing, talented guy. but you -- i know that "black panther" won best movie. >> yeah, i like to say "african-american panther." >> jimmy: absolutely, sorry. [ laughter ] >> that's just, you know. that's just me. >> jimmy: that's just you. i understand. >> you know what i'm saying? let's just stay politically correct. >> jimmy: understand.
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but you had a bone to pick with one -- >> i did. michael b. jordan, who's -- i've been on this kid for a a long time and he -- we're about to work together and everything. but i had a bone to pick because of my style was jacked. he jacked my style. and i just want -- i want -- i just want photo cred. >> jimmy: i mean -- now you think that he -- [ laughter and applause ] >> i just want my photo cred. >> jimmy: i understand. you just want little -- >> i just want my cred. >> jimmy: that's all. just want a little respect. that's all. >> just a little respect, man. that's "booty call", man. back in the day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i remember. i remember "booty call." >> that's "booty call." >> jimmy: can we talk about "robin hood"? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: dude, congrats on this. this is a different take on the classic. but how fun is that to play robin hood? >> i mean, yeah. i was the kid who was running around with a little plastic bow and arrow. so to be playing this role is incredibly exciting. especially with, you know, jamie, it's -- >> jimmy: i could imagine the set. dude, i just want to be on set with you guys. >> no, it's great. and we're so pleased with the movie. it's a really fresh take on the whole thing. it's rock and roll. it's gritty.
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it's dark. i hope very, very funny as well. and we're super proud of it. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. we have a -- we have an exclusive trailer here tonight. jamie foxx and taron egerton. the exclusive world premiere of the "robin hood" trailer. take a look at this. ♪ >> shoot me. ♪ >> ah, please. >> you have to be a warrior. ♪ >> fast as you can! ♪ >> okay. >> one thing keeps him in power -- the money. we steal it. >> want to hit the treasury itself. >> set up a meeting. everyone is with us. here's the plan. ♪ >> a thousand pounds for the man who brings me hood! >> you're not robin of loxley anymore. you're robin hood. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> thank you very much. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. "robin hood" will be in theaters this thanksgiving. [ cheers and applause ] when we come back, jamie, taron, and i are playing charades. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now for the rings. (♪) i'm a four-year-old ring bearer with a bad habit of swallowing stuff. still won't eat my broccoli, though. and if you don't have the right overage, you could be paying for that pricey love band yourself. so get an allstate agent, and be better protected from mayhem. like me. can a ring bearer get a snack around here? ♪ your kid made their bed: ♪ picked up your dry cleaning: chili's 3 for $10 ♪ ♪ your in-laws just left: chili's 3 for $10 ♪ ♪ a starter, an entree and coke for just $10 ♪ ♪ 3 for 10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! we are hanging out with the stars of "robin hood", jamie foxx and taron egerton right there. [ cheers and applause ] we're about to face off in a a game of charades. jamie and taron are a team. my partner tonight is from the netflix movie, "set it up." please welcome zoey deutch, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hugs -- hello. my partner. hey, welcome pal. now, you all know how to play charades.
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each player gets a turn giving silent clues to their teammate. 30 seconds on the clock per turn. we'll do four rounds. then the fifth round is a a charades showdown. >> mm! >> jimmy: mm-hmm. both teams give the same clue at the same time. i will go first. you guys can all take your seats. jamie, you guys -- you and taron over there. zoey over there. >> oh, here. >> jimmy: yeah, perfect. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. what number should i choose? [ audience shouting ] that was weird. why did everyone say four? everyone all yelled four. that was -- [ laughter ] that's never happened. the whole crowd just yelling four. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] wow, that was -- all right. so you want to go with -- no, i'm just kidding. [ laughter ] okay. mm-hmm. mm-hmm. mm-hmm. okay. all right, ready? >> yes. tv show. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> three words. first word. the, it, the. the rabbit. [ laughter ] the -- the -- zorro! [ light laughter ] the -- fangs! the -- the -- bite! no!
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fangs! what's the third? the vampire. the vampire writer. the book the vampire slayer. the vampire -- [ buzzer ] what is it!? [ laughter ] [ sad trombone ] >> jimmy: "the vampire diaries." i know "the vampire diaries." i was trying to do a diary. all right. [ laughter ] >> did you get that? did you get that? >> i was there for quite a a bit -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i have failed miserably. >> jimmy: you want the -- [ sad trombone ] [ laughter ] you like that? unbelievable you like that. all right. you're up. jamie, you're up. >> i'm up. >> i am sorry. >> jimmy: that was great -- >> what number should i pick? what? [ audience shouting ] one. one? >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh. um, hmm. [ laughter ]
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>> so it's a film. it's a little film. [ laughter ] it's five words. the first word is little. small? [ light laughter ] the! the. "lord of the rings?" >> jimmy: wow! >> "the silence of the lambs." [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow. oh, my gosh. oh, my gosh. rub it in. >> just too humble. >> jimmy: you just follow that -- oh my gosh. "the silence of the lambs." >> just so humble. okay. guys. >> jimmy: i was -- sorry. [ audience shouting ] you got chemistry.
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everybody ready? zoey, we got this. >> okay. >> jimmy: come on, we can do this. hmm -- wait, what? >> we got this? >> jimmy: oh, okay. good. [ laughter ] yeah, i thought it was like -- first clue. i'm like, i don't know what that means. >> we don't got this, apparently. >> jimmy: no, we got this. here we go. part -- it's a song. yeah. two words. the first word -- crazy! [ laughter ] "crazy train"! [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i, too, can be humble. >> jimmy: yes. taron, are you up? >> oh, i'm ready. oh, yeah. what number am i going with? [ audience shouting ] [ cheers ] okay.
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okay. >> all right. hit it. >> okay. >> television. four words. first word -- [ light laughter ] dance, ballet. slow music. uh -- tights. >> okay. >> uh -- >> uh -- [ light laughter ] >> first word -- four words. four words. two times -- two plus two is four. [ laughter ] quattro. [ light laughter ] [ buzzer ] [ sad trombone ] >> oh! >> jimmy: can i guess? "dancing with the stars"? >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right here we go. jamie, you and zoey are going to give the same clue at the same time. okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: this is -- whoever wins this round wins
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the whole thing, okay? oh, look at this. oh my gosh. oh! >> i can't do that -- >> jimmy: it's a walk off. >> i'm going to attempt. there we go. >> jimmy: it's a walk off. all right, here we go. what number? [ audience shouting ] >> every number. >> jimmy: now you both read it. you both read the clue. here you go. >> oh, man. hell no. [ laughter ] >> okay. you ready? >> jimmy: yeah, we ready? we can do this, champ? >> okay. >> jimmy: go. >> okay, film. >> jimmy: tv show. >> spy -- the spy. >> jimmy: shark -- "sharknado." >> the spy who -- >> jimmy: the book. the pillow. the book the -- you can't find it. the search for something. the look -- the search -- >> i don't know what i'm looking at. >> jimmy: where are -- where's my glasses? second word. >> "finding nemo"! "finding nemo"! [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you guys, the winners
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right there! jamie foxx, taron egerton. [ cheers and applause ] zoey deutch is my partner. we're talking to zoey after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sometimes a day at the ballpark is more than just a day at the ballpark. stadium pa : all military members stand and be recognized. sometimes fans cheer for those who wear a different uniform. no matter where or when you served, t-mobile stands ready to serve you. that's why we're providing half off family lines to all military.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a talented actress -- and my charades partner -- who you can see in the hit movie "set it up", which is available now on netflix. please welcome, zoey deutch, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: zoey welcome, now. thank you. >> oh, my god. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: it's been so long since i've seen you. >> thank you. thank you. god, i just did it. i've been slipping into this
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accent that i'm doing. it's like a midwestern -- [ minnesota accent ] so thank you so much. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. yeah, thank you. >> it's happening already. i knew it would happen. yeah. >> jimmy: that's happened? >> what's happened? [ light laughter ] what's happened is that i'm learning two accents at the same time. one is like a -- it's sort of like if the chicago accent had a baby with like the fargo accent and that baby -- [ light laughter ] and that baby smoked cigarettes for like 20 years. >> jimmy: oh, i got it. >> and the other accent that i'm learning is like a high pitched baby voice sort of like this. so it's been sort of a -- it's being incorporated into my daily life. which is unfortunate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i'm so happy there's no talking in charades. that's perfect. [ laughter ] perfect. >> i'm not so happy. >> jimmy: i was -- dude, come on. i let you down in that one, man. >> you certainly did not. >> jimmy: well i -- i didn't know diary. i just thought vampire you were just going to get it. and then when you didn't, i'm like, now what do i do? [ light laughter ] >> i feel like there are two types of families. there are game families. and you obviously come from a -- you come from a -- the all-time game family. i come from a not game family.
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>> jimmy: oh, really? you're not gamers. >> no. because like every single conversation, sentence, story is charades. no one has a memory. i get voicemails -- voicemails from my mom that literally sound like -- "hi, holly, leah, maddy, ponch, deuce." [ laughter ] "zoey. hi, zoey." "okay, honey. i'll meet you at the place. at that time with the person. and i'll see you then. bye." >> jimmy: what place are they -- we're going -- where are we going again, honey? >> i'm like, "i don't know. i have no idea what you're talking about." and my sister is the only one with a brain and she fills in the blanks. we call it auto-fill deutch. [ laughter ] i am not auto-fill deutch. as you just witnessed. >> jimmy: no, you were fantastic. >> i mean -- >> jimmy: the last time you were here, it was great. thank you for coming back. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: and right after our show you got to introduce hillary clinton in d.c. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you went right over -- what was that all about? >> it was really, like one of the great opportunities of my life. it was terrifying, though. how do you sum up the effect of a person who has changed the lives of so many millions of little girls. who, you know, has single handedly held the weight of all
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the world's misogyny on her shoulders. not only persevered but flourished. but -- i -- yeah. i also right before i went on stage, i looked to my right and there she was. and she was like, "nice pantsuit." and i was like, "i like yours too." and i -- [ laughter ] and she wasn't wearing a a pantsuit. >> jimmy: she was not wearing a a pantsuit. no. [ laughter ] of all nights. of all nights she was not wearing a pantsuit. no. [ applause ] >> the one damn time. okay, yeah. >> jimmy: what was -- what was vital voices? what was the event? >> it's an amazing organization that amplifies the voices of female global leaders and -- i also got to speak at -- in sacramento. on the anniversary of roe v. wade. and one of the things that i learned while i was there is how important it is to call your senators if there's an issue that you really believe in. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: just call your senators? >> call your senator. i know it seems scary. every time i call i feel like, oh, it doesn't matter. my voice is not going to matter. and this call isn't going to matter. but it does. they count every call. they count every message. so if something is really important to you right now, please call. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh.
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all right. >> yep. >> jimmy: congratulations on "set it up." i mean, it's crushing. it got great reviews. i read somewhere it's the number one original netflix movie in like, almost 200 countries or something crazy. like, it's giant. it's massive. so congrats on that. it's got to feel good. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a good film. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know, i miss a a good romantic comedy. i miss that. >> like, everybody who says that they've seen it and they like it, it always starts with, "okay, dude. i don't like rom-coms." >> jimmy: no. i'm the opposite. >> but -- >> jimmy: i love romantic comedies, man. >> but then they say, "but i actually like this one." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. so you're like, thank you, i guess? >> it's like an underground community of people that want to feel. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. makes you feel good. makes you laugh and romantic. come on, everyone is romantic. explain the movie for people that who don't know. >> sure. yes. it's about two underpaid overworked assistants who are trying to set up their respective bosses so that they can have more free time. and it's on netflix right now.
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it's been on for a month. i think i'm the first person to come on your show and promote a a movie a month late. but i'm very honored. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what we do here. [ light laughter ] we do it three months early or a month late. that's how we do it. >> i'm honored. >> jimmy: thanksgiving or right now, but it's been out a month. [ laughter ] that's the way "the tonight show" works. >> yeah, of course. >> jimmy: we're ahead of time and we're a month behind. it's perfect. yeah. i want to show everyone here -- oh, i love lucy liu too. and here is zoey deutch and lucy liu in "set it up." take a look at this. >> oh, okay. yep. tomorrow morning you have that salon appointment. >> what? what salon appointment? >> the one -- for the bikini wax. >> bikini wax? when did i make that? >> you made that ages ago. just like an annual checkup general upkeep. >> what salon? >> the one you told me to make it at. >> exhale. >> exhale. she gonna clear out the brush -- the bush brush. clear out the bush and the brush. made it smooth as a baby. as a baby.
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you don't need one. the baby. or the brush. the brush. i have so many calls. >> jimmy: yeah, come on. [ cheers and applause ] zoey deutch, everybody. zoey deutch! [ cheers and applause ] my partner. "set it up" is currently on netflix. we'll be right back with standup comedy with mark normand, everybody. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm captain obvious and hotels.com
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is the co-host of the podcast "tuesdays with stories" available on itunes. please welcome the very funny mark normand, everybody! mark! [ cheers and applause ]. ♪ ♪ [ cheers ] >> hey, hey. good to be here. good to be back. i just flew in from the west coast. man, i hate flying. you know, they let you pick your seat on a plane. i think i would rather pick the person i'm sitting next to, you know? [ light laughter ] i don't really care where i am on the plane. it's like a six-hour relationship. make it more like a dating app. [ laughter ] obese nazi with the service dog, swipe left. [ laughter ] tiny asian lady with a surgical mask, that's my gal. [ laughter ] yes. she is not a talker. right? [ laughter ]
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but just like a dating app, she shows up with a baby. i'm like, i got catfished. [ laughter ] yeah. i'm not good with small talk. you know, two things i can't do, small talk and eye contact. how sad is that, you know? [ light laughter ] i basically have all the traits of a serial killer, just without the ambition. [ laughter ] i'm working on it, though. i'm working on it. you know. people always say to me, "mark, you have to be more confident." and they say, "mark, you have to be yourself." i'm like, well, you got to pick one. [ laughter ] yeah. so, you know, i drink. [ laughter ] and i went out the other night, i saw a lady cat called. she was none too pleased. yeah, oh yeah. i don't know, i like a strong woman. i want a woman to cat call me. cat call us, ladies. that would be hilarious. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, start yelling stuff at us that we don't want to hear. stuff that would scare a guy. you know, you walk past a group of girls at night. one of them is like, " hey, i'll tell you i love you on the first date." [ laughter ] you're like, "holy hell, that is terrifying." yeah, get us back. you know? you walk past a girl, it's like, "hey, before we have sex,
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i'm going to poke a hole in the condom." [ laughter and applause ] "this is a horrible neighborhood. my god! start the car." it's just tough. there's so many beautiful women in the city. my god, you gals. you know how to look good. you have all these tricks to look hot. that's how women figured out to take the selfie up here. [ laughter ] that was all you, ladies. you know where your good sight lines are. [ light laughter ] i think that's why women like tall guys. just some guy looking at you from your best angle 100% of the time. [ laughter and applause ] all day long, huh? yeah. that's why you don't mess with short guys. just some guy like, "geez, look at the triple chin on this broad." [ laughter and applause ] i'm doing okay. i moved in with a lady recently. got an alexa. [ laughter ] yeah. i love this thing. you know, i just read an article, though. it said alexa actually listens to everything you say, stores in the database that can use it against you later. [ light laughter ] i was like, "man, just like a a real woman." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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yeah. now i'm nervous around my alexa. like "hey, alexa, what's the weather out there?" "why don't you ask siri. [ laughter ] oh, boy. you think i don't know about her, huh? you leave me cooped up in here all day. then right when you leave the house, she's in your pants." [ laughter ] i don't know. i was a weird kid. i grew up in the '90s. i was a bed wetter. [ light laughter ] yeah. oh yeah. i wet the bed everyday until i was 13 years old. oh boy. my mattress looked like an old coffee filter, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] oh, man. i ruined a lot of sleepovers, folks. yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah, you start to run out of excuses after a while. your friends are like, "what happened here?" i was like, "geez, i must have spilled a cup of piss." [ laughter and applause ] yeah. yeah. they say a lot of bed wetters become serial killers, which i believe because we learn how to clean up a stain pretty quick.
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[ laughter and applause ] yeah. that's how embarrassing it is, wetting the bed. i would rather be known as a a murderer rather than a bed wetter, you know? [ light laughter ] hey, your friend sits on your mattress. "why is it all crinkly?" "i'm going to kill you." [ laughter ] yeah. you grow up fast as a bed wetter. you know, you learn life isn't fair pretty young. you're 7 years old, you're in a a friend's house, you're covered in urine. [ light laughter ] you look at your friends. they're sleeping throughout the night dry. [ laughter ] you know? you got to get up, walk to your friend's dark house. "i'm sorry, mrs. johnson. i wet the bed." she's like, "i knew you were weird." [ laughter ] after you set me up on the couch, the living room, it's like opening up to me in the dark. tell me this adult stuff, i didn't even get it, you know. she's like, "i'm not happy about what's going on in my bedroom." like, "hey, you and me both, sister." [ laughter ] she's like, "you want to get a a cup of coffee and cigarette?" i'm like, "look, i'll hang. but i probably shouldn't have liquids at this hour." [ laughter ] but you know, i'm doing all right now. i went to therapy today. yeah, i'm a big therapy guy, you know? why the stigma with therapy? why?
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everybody likes working out. physical therapy, what's wrong with mental therapy? everybody's like, well, the gym makes me feel sexy. well, you know what else is sexy? not being a walking red flag. [ laughter and applause ] get some help. nobody cares about your abs if you're the guy having a a meltdown at red lobster. [ laughter ] i think people, they like the gym because there's like a a culture behind it. you're like gym rats. they have t-shirts that say beast mode, and better sore than sorry. therapy people, we need t-shirts. we need a shirt that says no, dad, no problem. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. yeah. like can't stop, won't stop crying. [ laughter ] thanks a lot. i'm kevin hart. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you hit a home run, buddy. mark normand. [ cheers and applause ] mark normand! for tour dates go to marknormandcomedy.com. we'll be right back, everybody come on. that was great.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was fantastic. my thanks to jamie foxx, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] taron egerton, zoey deutch. [ cheers and applause ] mark normand once again. check out on his podcasts right here. "tuesdays with stories." [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for seth meyers, everybody. thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, kristin chenoweth, star of broadway's "the boys in the band," actor andrew rannels. featuring the 8g band with emmanuelle caplette. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump and russian president vladimir putin had a one-on-one meeting today that lasted over two hours.

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