tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC July 20, 2018 11:34pm-12:35am PDT
marcus washington, our anchor, sang for the a's and the giants. he was awesome! >> yeah! >> he's so good. so we're in the newsroom watching it. we're all like little kids watching marcus. he did so good. all turning in our chairs. >> it's friday night! >> low 70s if you're headed to see the rugby world cup sevens. >> you can sing the national anthem. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- jamie foxx and taron egerton -- zoey deutch -- comedian mark normand.
and featuring the legendary roots crew. and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness.chee . looking good, everybody. welcome, welow."co, hi. how you doing? nice to see you. [ cheers and applause ] guys, we made it to the weekend. yeah! [ cheers and applause ]
it was a crazy week in the news. everybody's still talking about president trump's russia comments. but in an interview on cbs, trump said that he now holds vladimir putin personally responsible for election interference. yeah. then trump paused and said, "they don't get this show in russia, right? [ laughter ] he can't see that? okay." [ applause ] trump said he wants to have another meeting with putin. and this time he wants to host putin in washington. then melania was like, "he can have my room." and he -- [ laughter and applause ] hold on. director of national intelligence dan coats found out during a live interview that putin might visit. trump said next time i'll have my people call your people and then coats was like, "mr. president, i am your people. i'm the one. [ laughter ] tell me what's going on." [ applause ] did you guys see this? the newest issue of "time magazine" just came out. and the cover features trump and putin's faces blended together. take a look at this. yeah.
[ laughter ] when he saw that, trump was like, "i've never seen a more beautiful creature like that in my entire life." [ cheers and applause ] and the cover's headline says the summit crisis. but they actually thought about using a different headline for that photo. take a look. it was almost chicken born without feathers on face. [ laughter and applause ] time magazine? seems odd. >> steve: rude. >> jimmy: and get this. microsoft said it actually caught russia trying to meddle in the midterm elections. microsoft, yeah. the russians knew they were busted when clippy the paperclip popped up and said, "looks lyoto han ." [ laughter ] thank you, clippy. [ applause ] i heard that trump wants to give air force one a makeover. you can tell he's serious. cause today he asked the cast of "queer eye" if they do planes. and he was like -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] guys, i read that more american
families are only having two kids which means there aren't as many middle children. yeah. it's all part of the plan to make middle children feel even more left out. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, the u.s. census bureau found that couples often lie about their incomes when women make more than their husbands. in response, jay-z was like, "why's everyone looking at me?" [ laughter ] guys, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah, that's a good jam. i like that jam. wh -- was that? that sounds like something like cyprus o -- >> questlove: it was an easy e song. >> jimmy: it was an easy e song, oh. he always had good riffs too, man. but it almost sounds like -- can you play it again? ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] that's what i meant. yeah. that's what it sounded like. ♪ guys, be sure to check us out next week. tom cruise will be here. [ cheers and applause ] man, that is a great movie. "mission impossible." >> steve: fantastic. >> jimmy: "mission impossible: fallout." we saw it last night. and it's fantastic. >> steve: action packed. >> jimmy: it is so much -- it's too much action. that is the biggest action-packed movie i have ever seen in my life. >> steve: it's like seven movies in one. >> jimmy: it really is. it was like -- another chase, and then another chase, and then a different chase. and i was like, "i have seen all these things before, no." >> steve: no. >> jimmy: they really switched it up. it's fantastic. i love my man. tom cruise, he'll be here next week. [ cheers and applause ] amy poehler will be here. ah, we love amy. [ cheers and applause ] and alec baldwin will be stopping by as well. [ cheers and applause ] ec
>> steve: oh yeah. >> jimmy: alec had some good scenes in "mission impossible" and just the audience went nuts when he came on. he's great. but first, we have a fantastic show tonight. they star in the upcoming film "robin hood." jamie foxx and taron egerton are here this evening. [ cheers and applause ] plus, from the hit netflix movie "set it up," zoey deutch is stopping by. and -- [ cheers and applause ] we have stand-up comedy from the very funny mark normand, everybody. it's going to be good. [ cheers and applause ] today -- today is -- today is friday and that's usually when i catch up on personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, i return e-mails and of course i send out thank you notes. well i was running behind so -- [ cheers and applause ] can i write out some thank you notes right now for you guys? do you mind? [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the best. hey, james. do you have any thank you note writing music for me, please? ♪ wow. he's in a great -- he's in a great mood. [ light laughter ] >> steve: looking forward to the weekend. yeah.
>> jimmy: yeah. he's mad -- looks like he's mad, someone stole his tie. >> steve: no, they shoved it in his pocket. >> jimmy: yeah. oh, that's right. it's in [ lit laughter ] here we go. ♪ thank you, "mamma mia" for being an italian name for an america movie based on a a swedish band that's set in greece. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you, vladimir putin's umbrella guy, or as donald trump calls him -- lucky. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, piggy banks and piñatas for teaching kids that really good things happen if you smash animals. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪k yo zippers, for using
an interlocking metallic tooth technology to keep the most sensitive part of my body safe. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: mamma mia. >> jimmy: yeah, mamma mia's right yeah. [ light laughter ] i'm a button button fly, dude. >> steve: are you really? >> jimmy: yeah, man. [ light laughter ] no i was thinking that's not levi's? that's not -- >> tariq: yeah. it was -- ♪ levy's button fly 501 blues ♪ >> jimmy: but i was singing -- ♪ seagram's golden wine coolers this is dry ♪ ♪ golden wine coolers my, my, my, my golden wine coolers ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: anyways. bruce willis. >> steve: bruce willis, man. he sang that song. ♪ >> jimmy: what's that now? [ light laughter ] >> steve: he sang that seagram'ld
>> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: he played the harp. >> jimmy: what was that? >> steve: he played the harmonica, but he called it a a harp. >> jimmy: that was him playing it? >> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: wow. [ light laughter ] it was great. >> steve: yeah. good. called him bruno -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did? >> steve: that was his nickname? no that was his nickname, bruno. >> jimmy: did you ever meet him before? >> steve: oh yeah. he's hosted a couple times. super nice guy. >> jimmy: that's a great story. >> steve: oh yeah. >> jimmy: ready? i swear. [ light laughter ] ♪ thank you, paper ketchup cups for supplying me with enough ketchup to enjoy two, three, heck, >> steve: just a sampling of ketchup. >> jimmy: were just gonna give you a sampling of ketchup. >> steve: you don't want to get over ketchuped, trust me. >> jimmy: just try it and see if you like it if you like it -- >> steve: you like it you get
another paper cup. and the pump is more than the ketchup cup holds. so don't do a full pump. it will overflow. >> jimmy: yeah. do like a half like a three quarter pump -- >> steve: two quarter pump, seven-eighths -- >> jimmy: seven-eighths type of pump. how long have we worked together? >> steve: i'd say about 19 1/2, 19 and 3/4 years. >> jimmy: did you ever realize we have similar voices. [ light laughter ] >> steve: i didn't until -- dad? [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, washing the spoon in the sink for turning my utensil into a super soaker. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, everything bagels, for being the only breakfast food that looks like it was dropped under the couch two weeks ago. [ laughter and applause ] i mean, i'll eat it.
♪ thank you, air conditioners, for challenging my tv to a a constant game of who can be loudest. [ light laughter ] there you go, everybody. thank you. those are my "thank you notes." we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the new school year is almost here. and a new iphone from t-mobile is the best way to keep in touch. or keep tabs on their "extra curricular" activities. he skipped orientation for the beach? he takes after me. you know it's true. oh yeah. join t-mobile and get an iphone for everyone in the family. buy an iphone 8, get an iphone 8, on us. only at t-mobile.
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hey wait, what is that? sold out? noooo! i have an idea. play "connection" by onerepublic. (beep) ♪right now right now ♪i'm switching to a new lane ♪foot to the floor man ♪i'm searching for the real thing♪ ♪can i get a connection? ♪can i get can i get a connection?♪ ♪can i get a connection? (♪) ♪trying to find the old me
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guests are the stars of the highly anticipated film "robin hood" which hits theaters this fall. tonight, we will be showing you the exclusive world premiere of the "robin hood" trailer. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jamie foxx and taron egerton. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you, buddy. nice to see you, pal.
jamie, please -- [ cheers and applause ] >> come on. come on. >> jimmy: hi, jamie. hi, jamie. i guess taron took that seat. yeah. how are you doing, buddy? everything -- >> it's all good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> the movie isn't cool. >> no, it's fine. it's fine. this is -- usually i sit -- it's okay. >> jimmy: no, that's perfect. i just -- i was just -- usually, just jamie's right here. >> yeah. it's okay. >> jimmy: just little different, yeah. >> i just try to get -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. now that's too close. you can go there and spread out. chill. >> no, it's all good. it's all good. i like being all the way over here. [ laughter ] >> do you wanna -- do you wanna sit? >> no, no, no. i'm just -- i'm just kidding. >> jimmy: jamie, i -- >> it's racial. >> jimmy: i had you on set -- [ laughter ] >> right. >> all the years! man, i was the man back then! i was the -- this is racist, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is not true. it's not true at all. oh, my -- oh, my -- you're taking a -- [ cheers and applause ] don't take a knee! don't take a knee!
that is not -- that is not what we're doing here. >> someone call kap! somebody call kap! >> jimmy: somebody call -- oh my -- somebody call kap. oh, my gosh. >> okay. i'll -- >> jimmy: i'm happy you're here. i know -- jamie i heard this. tell me if it's true. you're doing standup again? >> i'm going back on standup tour. it's "back on my funny ish." make sure you come check -- check it out. but make sure you have distance when you come see me. no, because the jokes are that funny that if you're this close, somebody might die. [ laughter ] and they'll say you'll probably get evidence that i killed. >> jimmy: yeah, it's that good. yeah, you literally kill. yeah. >> no, i'm going back out. and come check it out. it's some funny stuff. >> jimmy: do you remember the first time -- [ cheers and applause ] i'm gonna check you out. do you remember the first time you did standup? how old were you? >> the first time i did standup i was in school. i was in school, because i was always sort of disruptive. so ms. reeves said -- you know like, third grade. i won't send you to the principal's office, but you got to calm down. i'll let you do standup on fridays for the class. >> jimmy: wow. >> so i would do standup. but i would watch "the tonight show." i'd watch johnny carson. because my house --
in my room was the only tv. so i would watch whatever joke steve allen or franko -- whoever was telling. >> jimmy: that's right. >> and then i'd tell at school. because the kids didn't know. they didn't have -- they had no clue. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they didn't know johnny carson. >> but i think i was doing, like, jimmy carter impersonations. you know. which i went on to do my first -- when i first went on stage, i was like 18, i was the only black dude doing ronald reagan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. and it was crazy. [ reagan impression ] "well, well, as a matter of fact." [ laughter ] and i would do him as a crip because it was crips in the -- [ laughter ] no, it was a hood club. it was all crips in the thing. "i am cripping, well." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm cripping. oh, my gosh. >> if you guys were african-american, this thing would have you laughing on the -- [ laughter ] you'd be like -- >> jimmy: do you remember your first live performance? >> the first i was on stage. so my mother had a copy of "bambi" on vhs, because i think.
but i -- >> jimmy: that's when the vhs came out. [ light laughter ] >> exactly. 1945. >> jimmy: 1945. >> but she took me to the cinema to see a sort of re-run of it. and because i knew the songs so well, i walked down the aisle at the point when "drip, drip, drop, little april showers" starting playing. and i got on the stage and sang it to the people in the cinema. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "bambi" was your debut. >> yeah. "bambi" was my -- >> jimmy: walt disney. that was -- >> it was my debut. >> what was the song? >> "drip drip drop." you don't know that? >> and how did that go? [ laughter ] ♪ drip drip drop little april showers ♪ [ laughter ] >> that was crazy. >> he can -- listen, when we was working on "robin hood", the boy can absolutely sing. and i mean like -- >> jimmy: of course he can -- >> no, but really listen. like i try to hold that space, but then i heard this dude sing. i said, who is this in my lane? [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? that's my lane. and we were in a church, i think it was croatia, right? >> i think it was, yeah. >> and you started singing something.
what was that you were singing? >> i can't remember. i think it was welsh, but i can't remember. and my voice -- just a little, uh -- >> jimmy: come on -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i got to, i think. >> you got to. taron, taron, taron, taron! [ chanting ] >> jimmy: all right, here we go. here we go. >> see that wasn't -- >> jimmy: we won't -- >> we might -- this was not on the agenda. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, good, i like that. >> so that was a welsh run. and i think it might have been a bit of "calon lan." it's not quite as rock and roll as the roots. but -- >> jimmy: give us a taste. ♪ [ singing in welsh ] >> that's -- i'm not gonna go -- [ cheers and applause ]
thank you very much. thank you. >> hey, hey. >> jimmy: i mean -- >> i'm telling you. am i right? >> jimmy: he can do it. that's fantastic. >> thank you. >> because i was looking at the roots. they was like -- [ laughter ] ♪ that's great, man. >> jimmy: jamie you killed it on the b.e.t. awards, hosting. as every time i see you host. >> thanks, man. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: you do everything as well. a singing, talented guy. but you -- i know that "black panther" won best movie. >> yeah, i like to say "african-american panther." >> jimmy: absolutely's j, sorrt. >> jimmy: that's just you. i understand. >> you know what i'm saying? let's just stay politically correct. >> jimmy: understand. but you had a bone to pick with >> i did. michael b. jordan, who's -- i've been on this kid for a a long time and he -- we're about to work together and everything. but i had a bone to pick because of my style was jacked. he jacked my style. and i just want -- i want -- i just want photo cred.
>> jimmy: i mean -- now you think that he -- [ laughter and applause ] >> i just want my photo cred. >> jimmy: i understand. you just want little -- >> i just want my cred. >> jimmy: that's all. just want a little respect. that's all. >> just a little respect, man. that's "booty call", man. back in the day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i remember. i remember "booty call." >> that's "booty call." >> jimmy: can we talk about "robin hood"? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: dude, congrats on this. this is a different take on the classic. but how fun is that to play robin hood? >> i mean, yeah. i was the kid who was running around with a little plastic bow and arrow. so to be playing this role is incredibly exciting. especially with, you know, jamie, it's -- >> jimmy: i could imagine the set. dude, i just want toe with you guys. >> no, it's great. and we're so pleased with the movie. it's a really fresh take on the whole thing. it's rock and roll. it's gritty. it's dark. i hope very, very funny as well. and we're super proud of it. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. we have a -- we have an exclusive trailer here tonight. jamie foxx and taron egerton. the exclusive world premiere of the "robin hood" trailer. take a look at this. ♪ >> shoot me.
♪ >> ah, please. >> you have to be a warrior. ♪ >> fast as you can! ♪ >> okay. >> one thing keeps him in power -- the money. we steal it. >> want to hit the treasury itself. >> set up a meeting. everyone is with us. here's the plan. ♪ >> a thousand pounds for the man who brings me hood! >> you're not robin of loxley anymore. you're robin hood. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. "robin hood" will be in theaters this thving [ cheers and applause ] when we come back, jamie, taron, and i are playing charades. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! we are hanging out with the stars of "robin hood", jamie foxx and taron egerton right there. [ cheers and applause ] we're about to face off in a a game of charades. jamie and taron are a team. my partner tonight is from the netflix movie, "set it up." please welcome zoey deutch, everybody! ♪ >> jimmy: hugs -- hello. my partner. hey, welcome pal. each player gets a turn giving silent clues to their teammate. 30 seconds on the clock per turn. we'll do four rounds. then the fifth round is a a charades showdown. >> mm! >> jimmy: mm-hmm. both teams give the same clue at the same time. i will go first. you guys can all take your seats. jamie, you guys -- you and taron over there. zoey over there. >> oh, here. >> jimmy: yeah, perfect. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. what number should i choose? [ audience shouting ] that was weird. why did everyone say four?
everyone all yelled four. that was -- [ laughter ] that's never happened. the whole crowd just yelling four. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] wow, that was -- all right. so you want to go with -- no, i'm just kidding. [ laughter ] okay. mm-hmm. mm-hmm. mm-hmm. okay. all right, ready? >> yes. tv show. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> three words. first word. the, it, the. the -- the -- zorro! [ light laughter ] the -- fangs! the -- the -- bite! no! fangs! what's the third? the vampire. the vampire writer. the book the vampire slayer. the vampire --at is it!? [ laughter ] [ sad trombone ] >> jimmy: "the vampire diaries." i know "the vampire diaries." i was trying to do a diary.
all right. [ laughter ] >> did you get that? did you get that? >> i was there for quite a a bit -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i have failed miserably. >> jimmy: you want the -- [ sad trombone ] [ laughter ] you like that? unbelievable you like that. all right. you're up. jamie, you're up. >> i'm up. >> i am sorry. >> jimmy: that was great -- >> what number should i pick? wh [ audience shouting ] one. one? >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh. um, hmm. [ laughter ] >> so it's a film. [ laughter ] it's fivwos ttle. small? [ light laughter ] the! the. "lord of the rings?"
>> jimmy: wow! >> "the silence of the lambs." [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow. oh, my gosh. oh, my gosh. rub it in. >> just too humble. >> jimmy: you just follow that -- oh my gosh. "the silence of the lambs." >> just so humble. okay. [ audience shouting ] you got chemistry. everybody ready? zoey, we got this. >> okay. >> jimmy: come on, we can do this. hmm -- wait, what? >> we got this? >> jimmy: oh, okay. good. [ laughter ] yeah, i thought it was like -- first clue. i'm like, i don't know what that means. >> we don't got this, apparently. >> jimmy: no, we got this. here we go. part -- it's a song. yeah. two words. the first word -- crazy!
[ laughter ] "crazy train"! [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i, too, can be humble. >> jimmy: yes. taron, are you up? >> oh, i'm ready. oh, yeah. [ audience shouting ] [ cheers ] okay. okay. >> all right. hit it. >> okay. >> television. four words. first word -- [ light laughter ] dance, ballet. slow music. uh -- tights.
>> okay. >> uh -- >> uh -- [ light laughter ] >> first word -- four words. four words. two times -- two plus two is four. [ laughter ] quattro. [ light laughter ] [ buzzer ] [ sad trombone ] >> oh! >> jimmy: can i guess? "dancing with the stars"? >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right here we go. jamie, you and zoey are going to give the same clue at >> okay. the whole thing, okay? oh, look at this. oh my gosh. oh! -- >> jimmy: it a all right, here we go. what number? [ audience shouting ] >> every number. >> jimmy: now you both read it. you both read the clue. here you go. >> oh, man. hell no. [ laughter ] >> okay. you ready?
>> jimmy: yeah, we ready? we can do this, champ? >> okay. >> jimmy: go. >> okay, film. >> jimmy: tv show. >> spy -- the spy. >> jimmy: shark -- "sharknado." >> the spy who -- >> jimmy: the book. the pillow. the book the -- you can't find it. the search for something. the look -- the search -- >> i don't know what i'm looking at. >> jimmy: where are -- where's my glasses? second word. >> "finding nemo"! "finding nemo"! [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪right there! jamie foxx, taron egerton. [ cheers and applause ] zoey deutch is my partner. we're talking to zoey after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's the ford summer sales event and now is the best time to buy. preparing classic campfire trout. say what? trout. trout. all right. you don't think i need both? why does he have that axe? make summer go right with ford
"set it up", which is available now on netflix. please welcome, zoey deutch, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: zoey welcome, now. thank you. >> oh, my god. >>hank you. thank you. i've been slipping into this accent that i'm doing. it's like a midwestern -- [ minnesota accent ] soha, ofourse. yeah, thank you. >> it's happening already. i knew it would happen. yeah. >> jimmy: that's happened? >> what's happened? [ light laughter ] what's happened is that i'm learning two accents at the same time. one is like a -- it's sort of like if the chicago accent had a baby with like the fargo accent and that baby -- [ light laughter ] and that baby smoked cigarettes for like 20 years. >> jimmy: oh, i got it. >> and the other accent that i'm learning is like a high pitched baby voice sort of like this. so it's been sort of a -- it's being incorporated into my daily life. which is unfortunate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh.
i'm so happy there's no talking in charades. that's perfect. [ laughter ] perfect. >> i'm not so happy. >> jimmy: i was -- dude, come on. i let you down in that one, man. >> you certainly did not. >> jimmy: well i -- i didn't know diary. i just thought vampire you were just going to get it. and then when you didn't, i'm like, now what do i do? [ light laughter ] >> i feel like there are two types of families. there are game families. and you obviously come from a -- you come from a -- the all-time game family. i come from a not game family. >> jimmy: oh, really? you're not gamers. >> no. because like everyin no one has a memory. i get voicemails -- voicemails from my mom that literally sound like -- "hi, holly, leah, maddy, ponch, deuce." [ laughter ] "zoey. hi, zoey." "okay, honey. i'll meet you at the place. at that time with the person. and i'll see you then. bye." >> jimmy: what place are they -- we're going -- where are we going again, honey? >> i'm like, "i don't know. i have no idea what you're talking about." and my sister is the only one with a brain and she fills in the blanks. we call it auto-fill deutch. [ laughter ] i am not auto-fill deutch. as you just witnessed.
>> jimmy: no, you were fantastic. >> i mean -- >> jimmy: the last time you were here, it was great. thank you for coming back. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: and right after our show you got to introduce hillary clinton in d.c. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you went right over -- what was that all about? >> it was really, like one of the great opportunities of my life. it was terrifying, though. how do you sum up the effect of a person who has changed the lives of so many millions of little girlswho, you know, has handedly held the weight of all the world's misogyny on her shoulders. not only persevered but flourished. but -- i -- yeah. i also right before i went on stage, i looked to my right and there she was.." and i was like, "i like yours too." and i -- [ laughter ] and she wasn't wearing a a pantsuit. >> jimmy: she was not wearing a a pantsuit. no. [ laughter ] of all nights. of all nights she was not wearing a pantsuit. no. [ applause ] >> the one damn time. okay, yeah. >> jimmy: what was -- what was vital voices? what was the event? >> it's an amazing organization that amplifies the voices of female global leaders and -- i also got to speak at -- in
sacramento. on the anniversary of roe v. wade. and one of the things that i learned while i was there is how important it is to call your senators if there's an issue that you really believe in. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: just call your senators? >> call your senator. i know it seems scary. every time i call i feel like, oh, it doesn't matter. my voice is not going to matter. and this call isn't going to matter. but it does. they count every call. they count every message. so if something is really important to you right now, please call. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh. all right. >> yep. >> jimmy: congratulations on "set it up." i mean, it's crushing. it got great reviews. i read somewhere it's the number one original netflix movie in like, almost 200 countries or something crazy. like, it's giant. it's massive. so congrats on that. it's got to feel good. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a good film. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know, i miss a a good romantic comedy. i miss that. >> like, everybody who says that they've seen it and they like it, it always starts with, "okay, dude. i don't like rom-coms." >> jimmy: no. i'm the opposite. >> but -- >> jimmy: i love romantic comedies, man.
>> but then they say, "but i actually like this one." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. so you're like, thank you, i guess? >> it's like an underground community of people that want to feel. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. makes you feel good. makes you laugh and romantic. come on, everyone is romantic. explain the movie for people that who don't know. >> sure. yes. it's about two underpaid overworked assistants who are trying to set up their respective bosses so that they n it's been on for a month. i think i'm the first person to come on your show and promote a a movie a month late. but i'm very honored. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what we do here. [ light laughter ] we do it three months early or a month late. that's how we do it. >> i'm honored. >> jimmy: thanksgiving or right now, but it's been out a month. [ laughter ] that's the way "the tonight show" works. >> yeah, of course. >> jimmy: we're ahead of time and we're a month behind. it's perfect. yeah. i want to show everyone here -- oh, i love lucy liu too. and here is zoey deutch and lucy liu in "set it up." take a look at this. >> oh, okay. yep. tomorrow morning you have that salon appointment. >> what? what salon appointment? >> the one -- for the bikini wax. >> bikini wax?
when did i make that? >> you made that ages ago. just like an annual checkup general upkeep. >> what salon? >> the one you told me to make it at. >> exhale. >> exhale. she gonna clear out the brush -- the bush brush. clear out the bush and the brush. made it smooth as a baby. as a baby. you don't need one. the baby. or the brush. the brush. i have so many calls. >> jimmy: yeah, come on. [ cheers and applause ] zoverybody. zoey deutch! [ cheers and applause ] my partner. "set it up" is currently on netflix. we'll be right back with standup comedy with mark normand, everybody. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) what if this didn't have to happen? i didn't see it.
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"tuesdays with stories" available on itunes. please welcome the very funny mark normand, everybody! mark! [ cheers and applause ]. ♪ ♪ [ cheers ] >> hey, hey. good to be here. good to be back. i just flew in from the west coast. man, i hate flying. you know, they let you pick your seat on a plane. i think i would rather pick the person i'm sitting next to, you know? [ light laughter ] i don't really care where i am on the plane. it's like a six-hour relationship. make it more like a dating app.
[ laughter ] obese nazi with the service dog, swipe left. [ laughter ] tiny asian lady with a surgical mask, that's my gal. [ laughter ] yes. she is not a talker. right? [ laughter ] but just like a dating app, she shows up with a baby. i'm like, i got catfished. [ laughter ] yeah. i'm not good with small talk. you know, two things i can't do, small talk and eye contact. how sad is that, you know? [ light laughter ] i basically have all the traits of a serial killer, just without the ambition. [ laughter ] i'm working on it, though. i'm working on it. you know. people always say to me, "mark, you have to be more confident." and they say, "mark, you have to be yourself." i'm like, well, you got to pick one. [ laughter ] yeah. so, you know, i drink. [ laughter ] and i went out the other night, i saw a lady cat called. she was none too pleased. yeah, oh yeah. i don't know, i like a strong woman. i want a woman to cat call me. cat call us, ladies. that would be hilarious. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, start yelling stuff at us
that we don't want to hear. stuff that would scare a guy. you know, you walk past a group of girls at night. one of them is like, " hey, i'll tell you i love you on the first date." [ laughter ] you're like, "holy hell, that condom."ey, before we have sex [ laughter and applause ] "this is a horrible neighborhood. my god! start the car." it's just tough. there's so many beautiful women in the city. my god, you gals. you know how to look good. you have all these tricks to look hot. that's how women figured out to take the selfie up here. [ laughter ] that was all you, ladies. you know where your good sight lines are. [ light laughter ] i think that's why women like tall guys. just some guy looking at you from your best angle 100% of the time. [ laughter and applause ] all day long, huh? yeah. that's why you don't mess with short guys. just some guy like, "geez, look at the triple chin on this broad." [ laughter and applause ] i'm doing okay. i moved in with a lady recently. got an alexa. [ laughter ] yeah. i love this thing. you know, i just read an article, though. it said alexa actually listens to everything you say, stores in the database that can use it against you later.
[ light laughter ] i was like, "man, just like a a real woman." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now i'm nervous around my alexa. like "hey, alexa, what's the weather out there?" "why don't you ask siri. [ laughter ] oh, boy. you think i don't know about her, huh? you leave me cooped up in here all day. then right when you leave the house, she's in your pants." [ laughter ] i don't know. i was a weird kid. i grew up in the '90s. i was a bed wetter. [ light laughter ] yeah. oh yeah. i wet the bed everyday until i was 13 years old. oh boy. my mattress looked like an old coffee filter, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] oh, man. i ruined a lot of sleepovers, folks. yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah, you start to run out of excuses after a while. your friends are like, "what happened here?" i was like, "geez, i must have spilled a cup of piss." [ laughter and applause ] yeah.
yeah. they say a lot of bed wetters become serial killers, which i believe because we learn how to clean up a stain pretty quick. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. that's how embarrassing it is, wetting the bed. i would rather be known as a a murderer rather than a bed wetter, you know? [ light laughter ] hey, your friend sits on your mattress. "why is it all crinkly?" "i'm going to kill you." [ laughter ] yeah. you grow up fast as a bed wetter. you know, you learn life isn't fair pretty young. you're 7 years old, you're in a a friend's house, you're covered in urine. [ light laughter ] you look at your friends. they're sleeping throughout the night dry. [ laughter ] you know? you got to get up, walk to your friend's dark house. "i'm sorry, mrs. johnson. i wet the bed." she's like, "i knew you were weird." [ laughter ] after you set me up on the couch, the living room, it's like opening up to me in the dark. tell me this adult stuff, i didn't even get it, you know. she's like, "i'm not happy about what's going on in my bedroom." like, "hey, you and me both, sister." [ laughter ] she's like, "you want to get a a cup of coffee and cigarette?" i'm like, "look, i'll hang. but i probably shouldn't have liquids at this hour."
[ laughter ] but you know, i'm doing all right now. i went to therapy today. yeah, i'm a big therapy guy, you know? why the stigma with therapy? why? everybody likes working out. physical therapy, what's wrong with mental therapy? everybody's like, well, the gym makes me feel sexy. well, you know what else is sexy? not being a walking red flag. [ laughter and applause ] get some help. nobody cares about your abs if you're the guy having a a meltdown at red lobster. [ laughter ] i think people, they like the gym because there's like a a culture behind it. you're like gym rats. they have t-shirts that say beast mode, and better sore than sorry. therapy people, we need t-shirts. we need a shirt that says no, dad, no problem. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. yeah. like can't stop, won't stop crying. [ laughter ] thanks a lot. i'm kevin hart. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, colin quinn, u.s. senator from wisconsin, tammy baldwin, cooking with chef missy robbins, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night."