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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  February 8, 2019 12:37am-1:38am PST

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- j.j. watt, star of "schooled," actor and comedian tim meadows, creators of "pen15," actresses anna konkle and maya erskine, featuring the 8g band with tucker rule. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] in that case, let's get to the news. president trump spoke at the national prayer breakfast this morning, specifically, "are you going to finish that?"
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[ laughter ] that's right, president trump attended the national prayer breakfast this morning, and he even brought count chocula. [ laughter ] according to new research, eye contact is not needed in order to have an enjoyable conversation. "yeah, we know," texted millennials. [ laughter ] a motorist in the uk was arrested yesterday after he crashed his car while swerving to avoid hitting an octopus he claimed to have seen in the road. officials became suspicious when they couldn't find any squid marks. [ laughter ] that's accurate. [ cheers and applause ] you reacted accurately to that joke. i also kind of hated it. [ laughter ] hbo has released new photos from the upcoming final season of "game of thrones." and i have to say -- [ cheers and applause ]
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yeah, although be careful, because i have to say, those photos, pretty big spoilers. [ laughter ] two elderly women in canada this week got into a physical fight after they both wanted to sit in the same chair during a game of bingo. one of them even lost an eye -- 26. [ laughter ] well, i mean, on the same night as squid marks, you guys are -- [ laughter ] you guys are a pretty lucky audience. [ laughter ] oh, this one actually counts as well. [ light laughter ] a company in england has begun selling a heart-shaped sausage ahead of valentine's day. it's the perfect way to tell that special someone that you want to bang her. [ laughter and applause ] i don't know. [ laughter ] campbell's soup recently received official trademark rights to the word "chunky" for
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its brand of soup. while trump has trademarked it for his brand of suits. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] dwayne the rock johnson claimed yesterday, that he was the first choice to host this year's academy awards before kevin hart. unfortunately, he also did questionable things in his past. [ laughter ] officials in turkey recently found an ancient bible that is believed to be 1200 years old. it's so old, the first half is just called "testament." [ laughter ] that joke kills when i do it at the catskills. [ laughter ] oh sure, mrs. maisel does it, it brings down the house. [ laughter ] it's just called "testament." [ audience oohs ] [ cheers and applause ] tip your waiters, tip your waitresses. [ light laughter ]
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and finally, haagen-dazs has started selling alcohol-infused ice cream. so if one of you wants ice cream, and one of you wants alcohol, you're these two. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. he is a five-time pro-bowler, and three-time defensive player of the year from the houston texans. j.j. watt is here tonight, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] he's a wonderful guy and a terrific comedian who you can see in the new abc sitcom, "schooled." tim meadows is back. one of our favorites. [ cheers and applause ] and they are the stars and creators of a fantastic new show on hulu, "pen15." anna konkle and maya erskine are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to talk to them about their new show. before we get to that, it seems like president trump is freaking out about the democrats running for president. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] trump spoke this morning to religious leaders at the national prayer breakfast. it's always a slightly awkward
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situation for a president who's been married three times, paid hush money to a porn star, and has probably at best skimmed the bible. [ laughter ] "and as you all know, god set a fire to a bush so he could collect the insurance money and build a casino. [ laughter ] it was smart. it was a smart move." for example, trump mentioned the problem of human trafficking, and here is his expert diagnosis on what's causing it. >> together we will end the scourge of modern-day slavery that, because of the internet, is at levels that nobody can believe. the internet came along, and some good things happened, but some very bad things happened. >> seth: oh really, dr. science? [ laughter ] that's your expert opinion? "the internet came along, and some good things happened, and some bad things happened?" one of the good things about the internet is you can google how to pronounce the word "scourge." >> scourge.
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[ laughter ] >> seth: trump then laid out what i guess you could say is his thesis statement for america, the thing that makes our country great. reagan called it the shining city on a hill, and obama said, america is a place where you can write your own destiny, and now here are president trump's thoughts on what makes america great. >> america's potential is unlimited because our extraordinary people are just something that is number one. [ laughter ] >> seth: soaring words. just soaring words. he's like a guy on a date getting lines fed to him through an ear piece, and the feed cut out. "you have beautiful eyes, and your -- nose. [ laughter ] well, i mean, you know, it's your nose, but it's -- you got a real great honker." [ laughter ] trump was trying to live up to the theme of unity he set out in his state of the union address tuesday. as we all know, he's incapable of that.
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trump always needs something to scare people about, and in his speech on tuesday, he landed on a new target, warning that democrats would turn america will turn into a socialist country. and it prompted a few scattered reactions from the republicans in the audience. >> here in the united states we are alarmed by the new calls to adopt socialism in our country. [ boos ] >> seth: well, guys you did it, you stopped socialism by booing it. [ laughter ] it reminds me of ronald reagan's famous line, "mr. gorbachev, boo this wall." [ laughter ] at least they're making real proposals like medicare for all, you guys stole your best political argument from statler and waldorf. >> boo! >> boo! [ laughter ] >> seth: then -- [ cheers and applause ] then, of course, the camera caught the reaction of self-described democratic socialist bernie sanders after trump vowed to stop socialism from taking root in america. >> america was founded on liberty
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and independence, and not government coercion, domination, and control. [ applause ] we are born free and we will stay free. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> seth: so, turns out statler was in the audience. [ laughter ] i mean, that is -- that's a real -- [ cheers and applause ] classic bernie face there. that's the face bernie makes when he finds out the restaurant charges for bread. [ laughter ] "bread is supposed to be free! bread-icare for all!" [ laughter and applause ] i hope you're applauding for the writer who told me "bread-icare for all" wouldn't work. [ laughter ] and then yesterday in an interview on cnbc, treasury
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secretary steve mnuchin doubled down on trump's line about socialism, although the way he said it left some people scratching their heads. >> the good news is, the u.s. economy is doing terrific. we continue to have very strong jobs numbers. i think you've just begun to see the beginning of tax reform. i think you're going to see that kick in a lot again, and as the president talked about last night, his economic program is working. we're not going back to socialism. >> seth: now when he says, "going back" he's probably referring to president obama who was many things, but he was not a socialist. i mean, first of all, look at the way he dresses now. [ laughter ] he looks like a high-powered sports agent. "lebron, baby, you're crushing it." [ laughter ] the minute he left the white house he got cast in a recurring role in "ballers." [ laughter and applause ] and yet, while he was whining about socialism in public, trump was also claiming in private that he had predicted the
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success of one of the most famous self-described democratic socialists of the new congress, alexandria ocasio-cortez. trump met news anchors hours before his speech, and claimed that he was among the first to spot her political talent, and said he had predicted her primary upset last year. trump said he knew ocasio-cortez had "it," meaning star power. oh really, you predicted that one of the most charismatic and internet famous politicians in the country had star power? i wonder who else he brags about? "you know who i think is going places? tom hanks." [ laughter ] trump thinks he's good at spotting star power because he thinks he has star power, but when people say trump has "it," that's not what they mean. [ light laughter ] i'm sorry, but it looks like you have "it." [ applause ] "it" has gone straight to your brain. [ laughter ] scare mongering about socialism might have worked a few years ago, but it's lost its punch now that republicans have used it over, and over, and over again. just take last year's midterm elections.
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trump went to wisconsin, a state he won in 2016, to campaign against democratic senator tammy baldwin, and he tried to warn the crowd that baldwin would support socialized medicine. although he claimed he was trying to be nice about it. >> leah's, radical, far left opponent is tammy baldwin. [ boos ] who wants a socialist takeover of health care. [ boos ] you know, i'm trying to say that very nicely. i'm trying to -- see, normally i'd scream, "they want a socialist takeover." now i say, "wants a socialist takeover." i'm trying to be nice. >> seth: it's so jarring when he tells people he's pretending to be nice. [ light laughter ] it's like if robert de niro looked into the camera halfway through a movie and said, "i'm not really in the mafia. i'm pretending. [ laughter ] none of this is real." [ applause ] and the attack didn't work. baldwin ended up winning her
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race by 10 points, but if you thought billionaire donald trump would be the least effective messenger against the supposed dangers of socialized medicine, you'd be wrong. because on tuesday, fox business news actually found someone who was even worse at it, "duck dynasty" star phil robertson. [ light laughter ] fox had him on for some reason, and instead of asking him about something he's qualified to talk about, like duck calls, or how to dress if you want to blend into a marsh -- [ laughter ] they asked him about health care policy, and he ended up going on an insane rant about senator kamala harris' proposal to eliminate private health insurance. even the fox anchor who invited him on was flustered by how crazy his answers were. >> we have been given a contrary to what kamala harris said, she says, "elect me and everything's free." look, everybody can have their own health care. the government's going to finance the whole thing. what i'm saying is that, kamala, i already have healthcare, it's given to me by god. eternal healthcare.
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i'm guaranteed to be raised from the dead. i have light and immortality given to me by god through jesus christ. >> but people get sick on earth in human form so -- [ laughter ] >> and they get -- >> would you advise -- >> the temporary reprieve is not worth it. >> seth: the anchor actually had to say, "people get sick on earth in human form." [ laughter and applause ] i mean, i'm assuming -- i'm assuming after you have to say that to a guest, your next stop is at your producer's office to say, "maybe no more woods people?" [ laughter ] also, it's so crazy seeing a guy say that with a stock ticker underneath him. [ laughter ] "did you get any stock tips today?" "no, but i hear phil robertson's gonna live forever." [ laughter ] and by the way, lest you think fox sought out the opinion of a regular guy, hillbilly gandalf here reportedly has a net worth of $15 million. plus an extra 38 cents if he ever combs out his beard. [ light laughter ] ooh. [ laughter ]
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and yet somehow the fever dreams got weirder from there because robertson went on to claim that people don't need healthcare at all, and that he was living proof. >> i'm telling her, i have eternal healthcare, and it's free. doctors can give you a little temporary reprieve, but they cannot save you from physical death. the doctors who treat you, they die, too. jesus -- >> but you're not dismissing that we need -- people need healthcare, right? it's just who pays -- >> i didn't have healthcare for 50 years. >> seth: well, you look great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the reason they're all freaking out about medicare for all is because they know it makes basic sense to people. most people don't care whether it's called socialism, or capitalism, or whatever, they just know it's inherently unfair for mega-billionaires to hoard their wealth while millions of americans don't even have healthcare. ocasio-cortez made that point in an interview recently, and a fox news guest mocked her for it. >> a system that allows billionaires to exist when there
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are parts of alabama where people are still getting ringworm because they don't have access to public health is wrong. >> she's saying, mark -- >> yeah. >> that basically she doesn't want the kind of poverty that leads to lack of healthcare to exist. >> yeah. >> when people are, you know, allowed to have billions of dollars, and be fat cats, essentially. >> well, first of all, i mean the fact is ringworm isn't deadly. i mean, people get ringworm -- it's like foot fungus. >> seth: we know ringworm isn't deadly! for some people it's jewelry. [ laughter ] "will you take this ring, and be my swamp bride? [ laughter ] i'm never gonna die. you can be on my health insurance, i get it from jesus." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now, there is a reason, a reason these guys are freaking out about medicare for all, and why most democrats running for president are for it. it just makes basic sense to people.
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everyone deserves healthcare. for one very simple reason and that is -- >> people get sick on earth in human form. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with j.j. watt, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks," be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. ♪ (vo) only verizon was ranked #1 by rootmetrics. #1 in 3 opensignal mobile experience awards. #1 in video streaming according to nielsen. and #1 in network quality according to jd power. we're proud to be the only network to win in all four major awards-- not because of what it says about us, but what it means for every one of our customers. if you haven't experienced america's most reliable network, now's the best time. because you'll get apple music, on us. cheezcombination of thecrunch with-ying cheese. with their delicious perfection-
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] so, all this week we've had the fantastic drummer for the band thursday, who are currently in the middle of their sold out 20th anniversary tour. his brooklyn-based band ageist has a brand new record "baby face" out on february 8th. and be sure to follow him on instagram, tucker rule, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for a great week, tucker. our first guest tonight is a five-time pro bowler, a three-time defensive player of the year for the houston texans and a recipient of the nfl's walter payton man of the year award. please welcome to the show jj watt, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? >> seth: i'm good.
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have you been enjoying your time in new york city? >> i have, i have. this is a phenomenal crowd you have here. >> seth: it's a really good crowd tonight. [ cheers and applause ] classic thursday hot crowd. do you -- i saw you tweeted that you would have a hard time living in new york because of the restaurants. >> i would. i would. so, i live in houston. i mean, there's traffic everywhere. i mean, if i want to go somewhere out to eat, it's about 20 or 30 minutes to get there. here, you walk down stairs and it's literally pizza, sushi, ice cream, pizza, sushi. [ laughter ] my girlfriend and i are walking around and we were like, "well, we don't really have anything going on. should stop for some food?" and we'll stop in, and we'll get pizza and then we're walking 20 more feet and she's like "i heard of this restaurant, it's incredible. [ light laughter ] we have to go in." and i'm like, "well, we have to go in." [ light laughter ] i swear to god i'd be 450 pounds. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] if you ever end up on the giants or the jets, people should know now to be disappointed. [ laughter ] >> yeah you should -- just void my contract or move me to the offensive line right out of the gate. [ laughter ] because i'm not moving. >> seth: you got -- you we're at the super bowl this year. obviously, you guys, the texans,
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had a great season. it didn't end the way you wanted it to. you went to the super bowl because, as a previous winner of man of the year, you presented it to this year's winner. >> i did. >> seth: was there any joy in being at the super bowl without your team there? >> no. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] huge bummer? >> yeah. >> seth: could you watch the game? >> no. >> seth: yeah, okay. [ laughter ] >> i handed out the award right before the game. >> seth: yeah. >> they did the opening kickoff and i was on a jet 30 minutes later. [ light laughter ] i couldn't do it. i can't do it. it's tough. >> seth: do you watch -- when the season ends do you watch at all? >> i mean, i'll watch -- obviously i check out the highlights, i want to see what happened in the game and everything, but it's tough, man. i mean, you work so hard and you put in so much work and you put in so much time and you want to be in that game. it's hard. it's like -- >> seth: i feel that way as a fan. like, when my team is out -- as a steelers fan, i don't want to watch anything anymore. and i feel like i don't -- i mean, obviously i don't know but i feel like you work harder at it than i do. [ laughter ] >> that's questionable. it's possible. it's possible.
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i'll yell at my brother for you. >> seth: thank you. well, i do want to say, you know, i'm obviously a huge fan of yours. i'm a slightly bigger fan of your brother tj because he plays on the pittsburgh steelers, the team i love and your other brother derek plays for the chargers. >> that is correct. >> seth: you guys all went to wisconsin. >> we did. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: there goes some wisconsin love. and your mother -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> he's a northwestern guy. >> seth: yeah, i went to northwestern. any cats here? no, all right. well, there you go. [ laughter ] >> they're all working -- >> seth: yeah, exactly. the financial district. so your mom -- somebody sent this to her, right? she got a jersey sent to her because -- >> yes, my mom got a jersey. >> seth: very unique that she has three children in the nfl. >> she does and we've played each other a couple times. i was hurt when i got to played both of them but they played each other. so, obviously, people are always asking, "what's your mom going to wear? what's your mom going to wear?" she can't just wear my jersey, which she wants to. [ laughter ]
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so, this is what somebody sent her. >> seth: very -- very unique jersey that covers all three logos. [ laughter ] and i just realized now the watt and the "w" is the wisconsin "w." so, that is really -- somebody put the time in. >> they did. and each letter -- so, that's from the texans jersey -- that's from -- i mean, somebody went through a lot of time for somebody else's family. >> seth: very nice. >> i appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] thank you whoever sent that. [ applause ] >> seth: you know, i do want to ask real quick. the steelers -- it's been a bit of a dramatic off season. we were talking about -- there's this antonio brown saga now. >> right. >> seth: do you have a sense or do you care more because your brother is on the team? like, oh, it seems very dramatic right there. >> it does seem very dramatic. it's like -- it's like somebody that's watching the kardashians and i can call one of the kardashians. [ laughter ] so, i'll call my bro, i'll see everything on tv and i'm like, "okay, give me the real story." >> seth: right. >> and it's pretty wild. >> seth: yeah. >> it's pretty wild. >> seth: we'll leave it at that. you had a little -- you had a minor knee surgery this off
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season, but you're gonna be good to go? >> all good. i feel great. >> seth: and you have a -- you know, we keep talking about wisconsin. you have a great honor this year. you're going to give the commencement address. >> i am. >> seth: that's very exciting. >> i'm very excited about it. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i -- we announced it just a couple days ago and in the video announcing it, i let everybody know that i think they just looked over the fact that i didn't graduate from wisconsin. [ laughter ] so, i'm going to experience it for the first time. i'm excited. >> seth: yeah. >> but down in texas, the people of texas have treated me unbelievably since i've been there. the baylor school of medicine invited me to their graduation and they gave me a doctorate degree. >> seth: really? >> so -- >> seth: actually, we have the photo. >> wisconsin has to outdo a doctorate degree. but i really wouldn't hate it. >> seth: that's you with your doctorate degree. >> that is. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> seth: did they make it extra big for you? because i feel like if i held that, it would cover my face. >> it is true. but i've realized, no matter how
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big it is, i cannot get my teammates to call me doctor. >> seth: really? [ laughter ] >> i think that's trash. i think that's trash. >> seth: one of them did fill out a prescription form from dr. watt. >> yeah, filled that out for him. >> seth: oh, you filled that out for him. >> so, the day i walk back, nobody would call me doctor, but somebody gave me a prescription pad. so i went around the locker room writing bs prescriptions for everybody in there. [ laughter ] so, this guy -- >> seth: still nothing. >> still nothing. this guy, i mean, he's like a marvel movie fan. he's a character. so i said, "no marvel movies for three weeks. you're getting too weird." [ laughter ] and then i think it was a stiff drink was the next one. i wanted him to loosen up. >> seth: and nobody listened? >> no. i tried to give my coach one that said "stop saying the "f" word so much." [ laughter ] >> seth: are you nervous at all about the commencement? >> i wasn't until somebody just sent me a picture of what it looks like when you're standing on stage. >> seth: yeah. it's a lot of kids. >> i've played in camp randall a lot, but i've never held a microphone and tried not to sound like a moron, so. >> seth: i did northwestern a few years ago and the one thing
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that helped me -- and i will say this because you weren't at your graduation because, i guess you didn't have the grades. what was it? [ laughter ] but i -- the thing i remembered was i had no memory of anything anybody said at my graduation. >> right. >> seth: and so, just know, have the freedom of knowing no one is going to remember. >> yeah, so, it's not going to matter. i tweeted out yesterday -- i said i was going to get spotted cow for everybody because it's the local beer. >> seth: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, let's be honest, nobody cares what is i'm saying. let's just party. >> seth: let's party. that's what they want. >> if i went out on the commencement speech and did a 20 minute -- like brought a band with me and let's just do a 20-minute full-on party. probably would be more fun than what i was going to say. >> seth: i think so, too. and then just end, pick up the mic and go, "follow your dreams!" and then drop it. [ laughter ] >> change the world, 2020! >> seth: well i highly recommend you -- [ applause ] and i do -- your -- your mother is also involved in your foundation, yeah? >> she is. she is incredible. we started when i was at wisconsin.
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we started when i was in college because i had seen another player from florida state, he started a foundation when he was in college so i was inspired and i said that's incredible. i want to use this platform and, obviously, i never knew that platform was going to lead to where i am today and this big of a platform. so, my mom has helped me from the start. it started with me, her and one of my best friends from high school in my basement. and obviously the hurricane raised like $41 million. >> seth: yeah, it's amazing. it was amazing what you did for houston. [ cheers and applause ] they're really -- you know, wisconsin is lucky to have you but certainly the people of texas are as well and it's just wonderful having you here, man. have a great rest of your off season. >> oh, thank you very much. i appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: looking forward to september. jj watt, everybody. for more information on his foundation, please visit we'll be right back with tim meadows. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian and actor you know from his work on "saturday night live" and such films as "mean girls," "grown- ups" and "popstar." he stars in "schooled" which airs wednesday nights on abc. please welcome back to the show our good friend tim meadows, everyone. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. >> thank you very much. >> seth: happy belated birthday. you just had one. >> yes, i did. >> seth: all right. [ light laughter ] >> and yeah, now i'm getting to the age where i don't want to talk about birthdays. >> seth: gotcha. do you feel like you're getting jaded as you get older? >> i am. yeah. i am getting a little bit more jaded. you know, i don't take things as serious as i should, i guess. >> seth: yeah. >> but i've become more jaded as far as hollywood and working and stuff like that. >> seth: oh, that's good. >> yeah, yeah. that happens as you become older.
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>> seth: yeah, more refined. >> yeah. like, i was doing this tv show. it's called "no activity." it's on cbs streaming. which it's a great show. please, try to watch it if you get a chance. [ laughter ] because i have, you know, child support payments. stuff like that. [ laughter ] but when we were shooting the show, we did a scene where we were downtown in l.a. and the scene was supposed to be me on my back on the ground. i had just fallen off of a building. and so after i got out of my trailer, and they took me to the set, and they said, "you're going to be laying on the ground here." i went, "oh, okay, great. is this dirt -- did we put this dirt here? is this hollywood dirt?" [ laughter ] show biz? and the crew guy, he was just like "hollywood dirt?" [ light laughter ] "what is that?" i go, "you know, like, dirt that we have, that's like clean dirt." [ laughter ] he was like, "no, this is downtown l.a. dirt. there's probably rat, you know, droppings in the dirt you're getting ready to lay in. so good luck." [ laughter ] >> seth: your boys are, what, 16 and 18?
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>> yeah, yeah. >> seth: and athletes. play basketball. you coached their basketball team this year? >> yes. well, not this year. like, a couple years ago. >> seth: gotcha. >> yeah. >> seth: and did you enjoy that? >> i did. you know, it was weird, because i don't know if you ever coached your kids or whatever. >> seth: they're too young. they're uncoachable. [ laughter ] yeah. >> well my kids was actually -- they were coachable. but it was weird, because i'd never done it before. so like, the very first game -- like, i did a practice with them, sort of taught them basketball plays and stuff. and then the very first game they were playing and they were down by, like, two points. and i was on the sideline and i was going, like, "man, their coach should call time out or something." you know? and i was like, "oh, wait, that's me. i'm the coach. time out, time out." [ laughter ] but it turned out to be very fun and -- you know, like, if you're the parent of one of the players, you don't want to favor them. you want to treat them equally. but my son julian was a very good player. and we played the championship -- we got to the championship. and this was at the boy's and girl's club, don't --
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not nba. don't get me wrong. [ laughter ] but there was -- we got to the championship game. the team showed up to the game, and they were all sweaty. and i said, "what were you guys doing?" and they said, "oh, we were playing basketball in the alley." and i'm like "no, you're supposed to be playing basketball now. [ laughter ] you have a championship game." like the golden state warriors, they don't go and play the pistons for an hour. [ light laughter ] and then go play game seven. >> seth: right. >> and so we got into the game. and they started losing, because they were tired. the other kids were hot. and, you know, they were winning. and then, i had to put the kids who weren't that good in, which, you know, that's just how it is. some kids aren't that good. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> so i had to put those guys in to sort of cover until the good kids could get some rest. and then my -- i kept my son in and then my son got hot. >> seth: yeah. >> julian, he like stole the ball. took it down court. laid it up like gervin. you know, like george gervin. like, finger rolled it in. and i was like, "okay," i'm not going to point out that he's doing better than everybody else.
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i'm like, "good job, young man, keep going." [ laughter ] next time, he -- somebody else steals the ball, passes it to him. he can go in for another layup, but he stops back, does like a steph curry, goes beyond the three point, boom, three points. put us up. i didn't want to be too proud, but when he came down the court this time, i was like, "yeah, down here baby. down here. [ laughter ] yeah. that's my boy! that is my boy!" [ cheers and applause ] i could not keep it in. >> seth: that's great. nor should you. >> i know. and when it was over we won. they gave us these little medals and stuff, which is like the only award i've ever won. [ laughter ] like a boys and girls club basketball necklace. but we got in the car with my son and he was very -- you know, he was happy and stuff. and i just tapped him on the shoulder and i go, "you know what? you won this that game for us. you did that. you did that on your own and i'm really proud of you." >> seth: that's amazing. i could not do with that without sobbing. i would have sobbed.
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if the day comes that i ever get to say something that nice, i would just break down. >> dude, i was so proud of those guys, because they played so hard. and i literally -- i was like up all night. i was so full of adrenaline. [ light laughter ] i'm like calling people, "hey, guess who won the boys and girls club basketball?" [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: like, "hold on. i'm going to text you a picture of my medal." [ laughter ] >> then i put the medal around my rear-view mirror in my car, you know. >> seth: that's great. >> and it would just hit the windshield. [ laughter ] i was like, "i don't care. i'm so happy." >> seth: this is great. "schooled," this is wonderful. this is a spin-off of "the goldbergs." >> yeah. >> seth: you play a principal. >> yes. >> seth: do you enjoy that? is it a role you enjoy? >> i enjoy all roles. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> but, yes. i enjoy this one quite a bit. it's fun to do. i'm -- you know, i wasn't -- you know -- i've done a lot of -- you know, people know me from doing "mean girls" and stuff like that. but this guy is, like, a little bit different. he's a little edgier. >> seth: yeah. >> i don't know where i'm going with this story. [ light laughter ] >> seth: well, i want to ask.
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we're talking about edgier. another role you're known for is, of course, on "snl" the ladies man. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> seth: and i know -- i know you've been thinking about trying to reboot the ladies man just to see what life is like for him in the post "me too" era. [ light laughter ] >> i think it would be tough for him. >> seth: yeah. >> 'cause i think he would always have to retract every statement that he made, you know? >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> so he'd be like -- if he meet a woman in a bar or something, he'd be like, "yeah, listen, baby. i would love to, like, take you out some time if that's cool. but listen, if you have a man or something, i don't want to, you know, step on anybody's toes or anything. but, yeah, i would really love to get you back to my place and make love to you. but like in a very nice predictable way. [ laughter ] and of course you would have say in our love making. [ laughter ] you would give me approval and then i would make the next step. so, anyway. i'd like to buy you a drink, if that's okay." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we all would like to see that. >> yeah. >> seth: it's always so great to have you here. >> thank you, buddy.
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>> seth: give it up for tim meadows, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "schooled" airs wednesday nights on abc. we'll be right back with anna konkle and maya erskine. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey, darryl. would you choose the network rated #1 in the nation by the experts, or the one awarded by the people? uh... correct! you don't have to choose, 'cause, uh... oh! (vo) switch to the network awarded by the experts. and get apple music included, on us. on both ios and android. wnongenemodi. nongen. oh, triscuit!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guests are the stars and the creator of the new hulu series "pen15" which starts streaming tomorrow. let's take a look. >> it's like this. and you were doing, like, this. and it's, like, this. >> i wasn't. i was doing this. but okay, whatever. whatever. actually, i don't really want to do it anymore. let's just not practice. i'm going to talk to my boyfriend. can i have some privacy? please? >> who's that? >> what? >> who's your boyfriend? >> it's flymiamibro. >> seth: please welcome anna konkle and maya erskine, everyone. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome to the show, guys.
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>> both: thank you! >> seth: this is a fantastic premise. you are playing seventh grade versions of yourself. >> both: yes. >> seth: all the other casts are actual middle schoolers. >> yes. >> correct, yes. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: it's such a great idea. and it's so fun to watch. but i have to ask, because you are -- you know, because those actors are actual 13-year-olds -- >> right. >> seth: are they terrifying to be around? >> 100%, yes. [ laughter ] >> so intimidated. >> they're so intimidating. >> yeah. >> like, i mean, even the first time that i met some of the girls who play the popular girls -- you know, anna had met them earlier, because she was teaching them a spice girls routine for the scene. and she was in her, like, normal jeans like high-waisted and cool clothes. >> just looked like -- like, no. but okay. >> but either way, they loved you. >> right, right, right. sure. >> and then so, you came on with them to the set. i was shooting so i had my bowl cut and mustache and wearing low rider jeans and i was like, "hey, guys! how are you? like, it's so good to meet you." and they were like, "hey, is
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that your real hair? is that your real hair?" like, "ew, i don't like wearing low rider jeans." i was like, "yeah, me neither. i don't wear low rider jeans. i've been wearing high-waisted jeans since i was in middle school." >> started talking about vintage stores. you're like, yeah, it's mostly vintage. >> seth: did you -- i mean, obviously, when you were young, you remember making fun of adults. and do you then know that that's what they're doing to you the whole time? >> yeah, it's brutal time. >> it's -- >> you go for the jugular. it's like you can feel an adults, you know, biggest insecurity and then you just -- you know, teachers. >> yeah. >> like, i had a teacher -- this is weird. >> are you going there? [ laughter ] >> i had a teacher that there was a rumor that he, like, humped the doorknob or something. >> seth: yeah. >> and it was the most random thing in the world. and it went around so seriously. >> seth: yeah. >> everyone was like, "he humps doorknobs." [ laughter ] >> right. >> you know? and everyone is like, "i know, i heard." and then it becomes this, like, huge, serious thing. >> seth: that he's a doorknob
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humper. that's a hard thing to outlive. >> yeah. >> yeah. [ laughter ] you're done. you're done after that. >> you're done. >> seth: you cast your mother as your mother. >> yes. that is my real mom. >> seth: have you cast her before in things? >> like when i was in high school, i did student films, you know? >> seth: yeah. >> and i -- she had to play a receptionist. and she only had one line. and my mom's japanese. and so i was like, "all you have to say is 'can't complain, just moving things along.'" >> that's a hard line actually. >> which is a hard line. it's a hard line. i understand. but, like, every time she would say it her, eyes would cross and she would be like -- "can't complain move along." [ laughter ] and i'd be like, "what?" and so it was kind of a risk to put her in that show. >> i've heard that story so many times. >> so many times. i know. >> before you brought up casting her. and i was like -- wanted to be nice, but i was like, "the film story, though, like how is she going to say more than that?" >> right. [ laughter ] >> i was like, "she'd be a regular." >> right.
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>> you know? but she was so good. >> she was so good. >> seth: how long have you guys -- she is great. how long have you guys been friends? when did this friendship start? >> ten years ago. >> ten years. >> seth: gotcha. >> yeah. we met our junior year of college. >> yeah. >> seth: and what is a good example of how your friendship -- are you guys kind to each other? it seems like you're very loving. i would imagine that's a key to doing a show like this together. [ laughter ] >> i'm going to cry, actually. so i can't talk. >> stop. who what are you doing? no, we love each other dearly. >> yeah, but then also, like, that clip you saw was taken a little bit from the -- we choreograph a dance in the show. and so maya and i in real life went and rented a studio and, like, choreographed a dance. and in that studio i'm, like, trying to do my moves and -- >> and i was like, no. >> and she's like, "it's actually like -- and like, that's what i'm doing. >> no, i'm not criticizing you. like, it's so not a criticism. >> it's so good. >> you're just like doing it like this. and it should be slower. like this. and then we were like -- >> right, and you learned to be like, "and i love what you're doing --"
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>> right. [ laughter ] >> "-- but, like, it's just not what i'm doing. so we should decide if you want to do it like you love doing it or i love doing it." >> seth: you -- i imagine, like, once you see the show it clicks in perfectly, and you realize, oh, this is such a great premise. was it a strange premise to pitch to television executives when you were basically like we're going to, you know, be playing 13-year-olds? >> yeah. >> yeah. yeah. i mean, you know, we lucked out with hulu, because the executives were young and had grown up during that time. >> seth: right. >> and -- oh, yeah. the story, i mean -- >> yeah. so it was -- we went -- okay, so the third episode of the show is about masturbation. >> maya's character will explore masturbation for a whole episode. and that is based on me. and, you know, i mean, women -- at the time, i thought i was the only one who masturbated, you know, as a kid. i didn't see it on tv. and i felt so much shame about it. and so here was our opportunity to show --
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>> to tell everybody. [ laughter ] >> that i masturbate. and i enjoy it. and -- [ laughter ] you know, so any way, we're with these older executives who have kids in middle school. and i had a picture of me and my dad where i was like, had pigtails and pink pajamas. and i'm like squeezing him like this. and i was using it as -- >> it's a picture. >> the picture. i was showing the picture this close to the executive's face for about ten minutes being like, "maya's character is going to be masturbating just like in this. i remember i had masturbated right before this photo -- [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] and had to put in pigtails. so she's going to be going back and forth with the dichotomy of innocence and -- >> she's probably like, "oh, the shame." >> and then he was like, "can you please take the photo down, because i'm getting nauseous." [ laughter ] >> yeah, then he said, "i'm nauseous." yeah. >> yeah. and then our -- >> we're like, "this is going really well." >> yeah. [ laughter ] our producer was like -- got into the elevator and was like, "never do that again." so, it worked.
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[ laughter ] >> seth: well, i'm glad it found a home that appreciates it. it's really a fantastic show. congratulations, guys. >> thank you. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i can't wait to see more of it. anna konkle and maya erskine, everybody. "pen15" starts streaming tomorrow on hulu. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ music playing ] ♪ heyou, all of you. how you live. what you love. [ laughter ] that's what inspired us to create america's most advanced internet. internet that puts you in charge. [ chattering ] that protects what's important. that handles everything [ group cheering ] and reaches everywhere. this is beyond wifi. this is xfi. simple. easy. awesome. xfinity. the future of awesome. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: every wednesday and friday we release a podcast
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edition of "late night" so you can catch up on the go. it's audio from the show and includes "a closer look," comedy bits and guest interviews. plus extra things exclusive for the podcast, like bonus backstage interviews, chats with the "late night" staff, original comedy sketches and more. head to to subscribe and it's free. which is great.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to j.j. watt, tim meadows, anna konkle and maya erskine, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] tucker rule, thanks for a great week. and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: welcome to "last call."


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