tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC February 13, 2019 12:37am-1:38am PST
♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- don cheadle, star of "spider-man: into the spider-verse" actor jake johnson, music from kurt vile, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump held a rally in el paso last night where he spoke to reporters while
standing in front a banner with the words, "finish the wall." oh, finish the wall. well, it sounds like they're making great imaginary progress. [ laughter ] so we don't have to give him any money, and a year from now, he'll be at a rally in front of this banner. [ laughter ] president trump said yesterday that 69 thousand people had signed up to attend his rally in el paso, but that only 10 thousand people were allowed inside before later claiming that 35 thousand people actually attended, while law enforcement said only 65 hundred were inside the arena. so, yeah. we do need to see his tax returns. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] not a numbers guy. "oh, what happens was i carried the one -- [ laughter ] and i threw it out the window." [ laughter ] a verdict was reached this afternoon in the trial of
mexican drug lord el chapo, who now faces life in prison for ten counts, including engaging in continuing criminal enterprise, conspiracy to launder narcotics proceeds, international distribution of cocaine, and use of firearms. or as trumps calls it, "a pretty good resume for my cabinet. [ laughter and applause ] secretary of cool guy stuff. [ applause ] be a lot more fun than you, steve mnuchin." [ laughter ] el chapo allegedly made almost $14 billion during his time as the head of his cartel. wow. $14 billion. so either he's going away for life, or he's about to announce he's running in 2020. twenty. [ laughter ] i'm sorry, guys. i think what happens is i'm scared of el chapo. [ laughter ] i think i realized it was making light of el chapo, and i'm pretty just scared of him, so. [ laughter ] i purposely [ bleep ] up that joke, so. [ laughter ] so, el chapo don't come for me. [ light laughter ] if anything -- if anything, i
think he should come for the audience. [ laughter ] i don't know why they think this is so funny. you got to go to jail. that's sucks, man. that sucks. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] president trump's former lawyer michael cohen yesterday postponed his scheduled congressional testimony for a third time due to post-surgery medical needs. apparently, a suspicious mole had him removed. [ laughter ] the head of a flight attendant's union yesterday called for demonstrations at all major airports if lawmakers fail to avoid another government shutdown, and warn that labor groups may call for a work stoppage. the flight attendants are threatening to walk out. here, here, here, and here. [ laughter and applause ] according to the latest numbers, the grammy awards had around
20 million viewers this year. the only person who didn't see it was the guy sitting behind cardi b's dress. [ laughter ] "excuse me, miss b?" [ laughter ] a new app has launched in the uk that allows farmers to swipe through profiles of cows in order to find good breeding partners for their cattle. [ light laughter ] it's called grindr. [ audience aws ] [ laughter and applause ] amazon announced today it will launch a dedicated coachella music festival page on its site where customers can shop for festival needs. that story again, amazon sells drugs now. [ laughter ] a start-up is seeking funding to create a product that allows couples to press a button in order to let the other person know that they are in the mood to have sex. just don't get them mixed up. "dad, what's up with the garage door?
it's going crazy. [ laughter ] dad." and finally, after fashion brand gucci came under fire for selling a sweater that critics say resembled blackface, rapper soulja boy said that he's in process of removing his gucci face tattoo. said adam levine, "man, i hope california doesn't do anything too bad." [ laughter ] we got a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you can see his new show "black monday" on showtime, and he's hosting "snl" this weekend. the one, the only don cheadle is here tonight, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] so excited about that. he is the voice of peter parker in the academy award nominated "spider-man: into the spider-verse." jake johnson is back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have music from one of my favorites. kurt vile is here, everybody. so, it is a good night to be here. [ cheers and applause ]
before we to get that, you know, i -- i'm in my '40s now. i'm married. i have two kids, but nothing, i mean, nothing makes me feel older than when i realize i no longer understand the slang terms that teenagers are using. and it seems like these days slang terms for teenagers are evolving so fast, it's impossible to keep up. so, as a service to you and to me, we decided to give you a primer. a new teen slang terms in a segment we call, seth explains teen slang. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] our first new teen slang term is "george r.r. martin." here's the definition. it's the kid who takes forever to finish writing an essay. [ laughter ] for example, jeremy said he can't go out tonight because he's got to finish his "tale of two cities" essay, even though that was due freshman year, and we're seniors now. [ laughter ] #georgerrmartin. our next new teen slang term is "subway sandwich." what's the definition? well, it's someone who smells good, but ends up being kind of gross. [ laughter and applause ] for example, "went out with noah
because he smells like sandalwood cologne, but the first thing he did on our date was show me how he could burp the alphabet. that boy a subway sandwich." [ laughter and applause ] next up -- [ applause ] next up, we have "democratic primary." let's see the definition. it's a party that you just know is going to have too many people. [ laughter and applause ] for example, "lisa's prom after party was supposed to be a small get together, but brandon blabbed about it. so now, it's going to be a real democratic primary." [ laughter and applause ] next up, we have "chauffuhrer." this is someone who let's you ride in their car, but is a real nazi about it. [ laughter ] here it is in a sentence. "mike offered to drive us to the mall, but that chauffuhrer made us all take off our shoes, and he kicked michelle out on the side of the highway for chewing gum." [ laughter and applause ] very useful. good one to have in your back pocket. moving on.
we have "severus vape." this is the creepy teacher who's always outside smoking his e-cig. [ laughter ] for example, "for the third time this week, mr. caldwell just threw on an episode of 'cosmos,' and then that severus vape went out to his camry and smoked his juul." [ laughter ] this one is really blowing up with the teens. [ laughter ] it's "seven minutes in levin." you know. no? this is a party game where someone goes in a closet alone for seven minutes while everyone outside gossips about them like "tmz's" harvey levin. [ laughter ] for example, "finally got invited to one of kara's keg parties, and they pushed me in the closet for seven minutes and levin. i didn't get to kiss anybody, but i heard kayla say my body is def not beach ready." [ laughter ] moving on, we have "socktail." this is a mixed drink that taste like a foot. [ laughter ] for example, "kyle think's he a real mixologist. he made me a drink with tomato juice, old beer, and an uncracked egg. #socktail." [ laughter ]
our last teen slang term is "stonedhenge." this is something you try to put together while you are high. [ laughter ] for example, "i got baked, and went to ikea last night, and when i woke up, there was a mysterious crumbling structure in my living room, and nobody knows what it's for or who built it. #stonedhenge." [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] this has been seth explains teen slang. we'll be right back with don cheadle, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ done! we are doing it. it's a done deal. for $40, t-mobile is offering unlimited, and the awesome iphone xr for every line. wah! so, they get the new iphone xr and the plan for $40 bucks. ah! the new iphone xr! that's bananas! what's with the monkey head, fred? where's your memoji? [sigh] my kid's been playing with my iphone at t-mobile, get iphone xr included with unlimited for just $40
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back everybody, give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] and, man are we happy this week to have fred armisen back on drums. thanks for being here buddy. [ cheers and applause ] it's been a while since you've been here, which makes sense because you're working on so many projects, and it's great to be busy. and as an audience member i'm so happy that you're busy, but one thing you were saying backstage is you don't have time anymore for your true love, your first true love which is fiction. >> fred: i love fiction stories. >> seth: you love reading. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: you're a huge reader. >> fred: i'm a huge reader of books, you know. [ laughter ] an you know, and yeah, and fiction. and obviously non-fiction. >> seth: yeah, yeah, but you -- and you said one of the things that you're sad about now is you don't actually have time to read fiction as much as you used to. >> fred: yes. >> seth: so you developed a process, and this is amazing.
you developed a scientific process, and you've trained yourself over the years. you can now look at the cover of a book, and by just looking at the cover you can glean the entire plot, all the characters, and you can do what would take me days, weeks to finish a book, you can do in basically 30 seconds. >> fred: yeah, it's pretty easy for me. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. should we try it again, one more time? >> fred: sure. >> seth: all right, here we go. once again it's time for our segment "fred judges a book by its cover." [ cheers and applause ] okay, so here's our book buddy. this is "gears of troy," by daniel pierce. fred, what is this book about? >> fred: okay, so it's by daniel pierce. >> seth: yeah. >> fred: and so he wrote it, and it took him a couple years to put it together. >> seth: uh-huh. >> fred: and it's different stories. and it's "gears of troy." >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> fred: and it's a bunch of kids who are on a boat. >> seth: uh-huh. >> fred: and they're like, you know, we got to get into gear, you know? [ laughter ] and put on a play. what are we gonna call it? we're gonna call it "troy."
so they dressed up as adults, and they had really good costumes, and prosthetic make up. they had this all made. really well made, as you can see on the cover. so these are kids, these are -- they're 5 years old, 6 years -- and they -- so -- [ laughter ] and they put a lot of effort into it, they hired all the right people and >> seth: uh-huh. >> and you know, sort of built out and stuff. and what they did not spend time doing is what the story of the play was going to be so it was a mess. >> seth: oh. oh, i see. >> fred: and what it was, was, it's them firing arrows into the audience. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, okay. >> and -- >> seth: so the play -- so i buy a ticket, i hear, oh, these 5-year-olds, these 6-year-olds, they put on a show. i show up, i buy my ticket, i sit down. curtains open. i'm like, oh my god, these costumes are amazing. >> yes. >> seth: this prosthetic make up is amazing. >> fred: yes. >> seth: and then, what happens to me next as an audience member? >> fred: well, the book is about this. so this does happen to someone. so the audience -- it's from the point of the view of the audience. and they're like, i think these are kids. [ laughter ]
and just as they're saying that, they're like firing these arrows away at them. it's a somewhat -- it's a little bit of a short book even though it took a while to write. >> seth: uh-huh. you keep going back -- you can tell how long it took him to write by looking at the cover? >> fred: i just know the -- you've read about the writing of this book, have you not? >> seth: no i haven't. hey, do you mind real quick if i just read you what the publisher said the book's about? >> fred: sure. >> seth: okay, gotcha. when naval officer troy weston loses his hands in a training accident, the doctors present him with a unique offer, robotic replacement hands, with added strength and durability. he accepts, and during a fierce and wild thunderstorm, troy and his craft are sent through a porthole and into a unknown world. >> fred: of kids. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, you did it buddy, you did it again. >> thank you very much. >> seth: give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is a golden globe-winning actor you know from the series "house of lies," as well as the "avengers" movies and "hotel rwanda." he is hosting "saturday night live" this weekend with musical guest gary clark, jr. he also stars in "black monday,"
which airs sundays on showtime. let's take a look. >> you took me to the cedar tavern and you poured your heart out that night after work. remember? i hate to admit it, but that's what did it for me, your vulnerable side. >> i don't remember that. and i don't have any sides, i'm all edge. >> you don't remember telling me that you were the last guy in your junior high to get pubes, and how it totally defined -- >> nope. no, no. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, don cheadle, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome to the show! >> thank you. i didn't know what my next project was going to be, but i think i'm gonna option "gears of troy." >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> it sounds amazing. >> seth: it sounds really good, right? >> unbelievable. >> seth: all you just need to do -- it seems like there's not a really good ending to the book. >> yeah. >> seth: but otherwise -- >> yeah, as far as i can tell it ends with kids. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> so far. yeah. >> seth: we were talking
backstage, you're just in the beginning of your week hosting "snl." you haven't done it before. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: has it been a trip so far? >> it's banana sauce, and it goes so quickly. you know, you're in and out of these writer's rooms, and they're pitching all these ideas, and you're trying to pitch stuff back. it's going to be bizarre, but i'm looking forward to it. >> seth: do you have a live theater background? do you have -- are you thinking back to past roles you've had to get you psyched for this? >> yeah, i'm harkening back to a 5th grade production of "charlotte's web." >> seth: "charlotte's web," wow. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah, i played templeton the rat. >> seth: wow. >> i don't know if any of you saw it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: yeah, oh yeah. this is not a lie, i was in -- i think i was in a kindergarten production of "charlotte's web." >> what? >> seth: i was wilber. >> oh. >> seth: yeah, i know. >> my nemesis. you were my nemesis. >> seth: i was your nemesis. yeah, we should reboot it one of these days. >> yeah, let's reboot it, man. right after "gears of troy." >> seth: right after "gears of troy." i know you're busy with that. are your kids excited that you're hosting? >> yeah, i think so. they're both going to come out, it's gonna be cool. >> seth: okay great, >> i told them they have to laugh very loud so i can hear them.
>> seth: yeah, that's good. >> yeah. >> seth: that's more than fair. >> yeah, it's not fair, but i'm their dad so they got to do it. >> seth: i also want to ask about "black monday." this is fantastic. >> thank you. >> seth: this is a show -- seth rogen was one of the co-creators of it. >> that's right. >> seth: it's about sort of the stock market in the 80s. there is so much cocaine in this show. [ laughter ] >> there's a lot of coke in this show, yeah. >> seth: there's a lot of coke in the show, and i know this might be a foolish question, what are you snorting? because i know it's not cocaine. >> well. [ laughter ] it's not cocaine. it's vitamin b-12. >> seth: okay. >> yeah, cut with cocaine. [ laughter ] >> seth: cut with, yeah, just a little bit. >> just a little. >> seth: as long as you have enough b-12 it basically gets rid of the cocaine part. >> exactly, yeah, yeah. >> seth: do you feel -- i know b-12 is something you take, you know, if you're feeling a little down. >> a little down. >> seth: brings you up. >> a little pick me up, yes. >> seth: so is it -- do you feel like it's working okay for that? >> you mostly just feel clogged up. >> seth: yeah. yeah, i guess there's nothing
healthy to snort. at the end of the day. >> no, no, surprisingly you look on the bottle, and it does not say preferred way to use it. it doesn't say that. >> seth: how is seth -- i know seth rogen co-directed the pilot, how is he as a collaborator? >> yes, he is great. i mean, i was a little bit -- i didn't know what to expect, you know, because his reputation precedes him. >> seth: yeah. >> in a cloud of smoke. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. that's just b-12. [ laughter ] >> yeah, oh it's just b-12. it's just b-12. no, but he was great. both he and evan were really good, really smart, really focused, really precise, and it was a great experience. >> seth: you spent a lot of the 80s, some of it in new york, some of it in l.a. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: does this remind you at all? do you feel like the show you're doing is evocative of your time? >> it really is. you know, and when i -- the 80s for me, i had just gotten out of school, i was really kind of working around l.a. trying to get a gig. so the stock market crashed, i was like, oh word? i need a job.
i have no stocks, that doesn't matter to me. >> seth: yeah. >> but we were out here a lot, and it's very much the way that it was, with the club scene. you know, i worked with some actors, who at that time, were getting their per diem in cocaine. >> seth: really? >> yeah. >> seth: were they asking for it, or was it being offered? >> yes. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> seth: yeah, and of course one of the other things you've been working on for a while, and continue to work on is "the avengers" franchise. >> yep. i'm in that. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how did -- obviously, you know, and recently there was a photo of all the actors that have sort of spread across this universe, and it's just sort of a snapshot of this moment in show biz. do you remember the day that you were sort of invited into that? like what was -- >> yeah, i actually do remember the day because i was at my daughter's birthday party. and we were at a laser tag party, and i got a call, and they said, okay, it's gonna happen. the offer's going to you, but we
need this to happen kind of quickly so we're gonna give you an hour to decide. >> seth: wow. >> i said, it's like eight movies that i have to decide -- they're like, yeah. >> seth: oh, so that was the commitment? was like that -- yeah. >> yeah, you sign and it's the whole run of it. and i'm like, that could be ten or twelve years. i said, "i'm at my daughter's birthday party." they said, "oh, take two hours." [ laughter ] to decide twelve years of your life. but i'm glad i did it. >> seth: well, at least looking back you made the right decision. >> yeah. >> seth: and i mean i certainly hope this is as true as you guys make it seem. but it does seem as though you genuinely get along as a group of people. >> absolutely. >> seth: does it make it difficult though when you are friends with actors, who when you are together, look very much like the cast of a film? >> yeah. >> seth: like, can you go out socially in public? >> well, we had a really interesting night. we were all in london, i don't know if we were shooting, or if we were doing promotion. i don't remember, but we were all in london, and we were all at dinner, and i think it was robert, and chris evans, and chris hemsworth, and myself, jeremy renner, and we wanted to go to this burlesque club. but it was about three blocks
away, and only robert had one security guy, and we didn't have a lot of people. we didn't have any cars. so we were like, what are we gonna do? and we all said, well, let's just walk, and we'll just have to deal with it. and it was a friday night in london, the streets were packed. so we're like, we're just gonna deal with it. everybody just kind of keep your head down, let's just go. [ laughter ] so we're walking, in this pack trying to not be seen and everything, in about 30 seconds we realize, nobody gives a [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] nobody cares. [ applause ] literally nobody is looking at us. at one point chris evans starts going, this is thor. this is thor. [ laughter ] they're like, we don't care. we don't care. >> seth: i love the shift. and i've been in this position too, where you're like, i hope i don't get mobbed, and then nobody comes and you're like, ahem. >> can we get a little mobbed? >> seth: just a little mobbed. >> just a little mob. >> seth: like don't grab me, but like bump against me. >> yeah. go like, oh wow. [ laughter ] >> seth: i also want to talk to you about this, it's incredibly
commendable, you've used a lot of your time on activism issues, particularly in cases of sudan and darfur. and because of that, you got to meet condoleezza rice. >> yeah. >> seth: how did that come to pass? here's a photo of you two. i feel like -- >> yeah we met. that's an interesting moment. because i had been asked to come to the senate and testify. i went with john prendergast, who i co-wrote a couple of books with about our experience there, and general dallaire, who had been to rwanda and was the head of the united nations at that time. and she basically called me in to tell me about what the administration was doing. >> seth: so you had no plans of meeting her? >> no, it was kind of like getting called into principals office. >> seth: gotcha. so someone just comes over to you and says -- >> yeah, because we had been making quite a bit of noise about, you know, that the administration wasn't doing enough. >> seth: right. >> and america should be doing more, and why aren't we involved in this. it's a genocide that's happening in real time, we should be involved. and so she kind of called me in, and she had her african affairs person come in and explain what
was happening, and then she kind of cleared the room and she said, "you know you guys are really harping a lot about george bush needs to do more to stop the genocide in darfur." she said, "george bush can't stop the genocide in darfur. you guys need to shut up." >> seth: really? >> it was like, oh word, that's interesting. you know, the secretary of state is telling me to shut up, basically. so i told that story to everybody at every book signing, over and over and over. [ cheers and applause ] i said we must be doing something right. >> seth: yeah, that's it. you're right. >> yeah. >> seth: if you don't get called in that means you're making no impact at all. >> yeah, no impact, exactly. >> seth: well, you know, thank you so much for doing that. thank you so much for being here. i can't wait for saturday. [ applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: break a leg. break them both. >> good to see you seth. >> seth: thanks so much. don cheadle everybody. "black monday" airs sundays on showtime, and he's hosting "saturday night live" this weekend with musical guest gary clark, jr. we'll be right back with jake johnson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) only verizon was ranked #1 by rootmetrics...
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest tonight is a very funny actor you know from the hit series, "new girl", as well as films like "jurassic world" and "tag." he's the voice of peter parker in the oscar-nominated, "spider-man: into the spider-verse", which is in theaters now. let's take a look. ♪ >> whip and release. and whip, release. whip. >> and release. >> you're a natural. whip, release. feel the rhythm? >> woo-hoo! and release. >> good miles. >> i gotta say, you're amazing, man. >> we're a little team. me as the teacher who can still do it. you as the student who can do it, just not as good. i'm proud of us. is there something you want to say to me? >> peter! >> seth: please welcome back to the show jake johnson, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> seth: welcome back! >> thanks for having me. >> seth: we talked backstage. i mean, congratulations on this movie. it's really incredible. >> than you. >> seth: and i had heard how great it was before i saw it. and then i saw it, and realized, oh wow. it's exactly as great as everybody told me. but certainly in the making of it, you knew you were doing something special. but can you believe that it has reached the point where it's this oscar-nominated film? >> no, i really can't. i mean, i had a good feeling, cause it was chris and phil, and our director. >> seth: yep. >> but, it's february, and i'm back doing press for it. >> seth: yeah. >> that's crazy. i'm doing oscar press! >> seth: you're doing oscar press for your spider-man movie. yeah. >> that's right. so it's pretty exciting. >> seth: and this was -- i think sometimes people assume when you are the voice of the movie, oh you went in for a couple of days, and did the voice. can you just talk for exactly, like how much of a time commitment this was for you? >> yeah, i did two and a half years of recording of this one. >> seth: that's so amazing. >> i'll put it in perspective. i did -- i was in the movie "smurfs", and i did an hour and a half of "smurfs." [ laughter ] it's true. and i love "smurfs." i thought i did a pretty good job. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> and so, i would leave the
booth with "spider-verse," and i'd be like, "i think we got it, guys." [ light laughter ] and they're like, "we didn't, buddy." [ light laughter ] but those guys really -- they work hard and they're very talented. and it was a real honor. >> seth: and you -- this was also a case where you did some of the voice record with some of your co-stars. >> yeah, i got to work with shameik and kathryn hahn. >> seth: and does that -- did you find that helpful, compared to previous experience you'd had in voice-over work? to actually be with the other actors? >> it was more helpful than my "smurfs", yes. [ laughter ] it was fun. you know, it was helpful. i got to know who peter was, opposite of shameik's miles. shameik's great in it. but kathryn hahn was really fun, because we did action stuff. so i got to play, kind of marvel movies. where i was the bad -- you know, i was peter, and she was the bad guy. but, i was in shorts and flip flops. [ laughter ] you know, i didn't have wires connected to me. but i got to like, live a comic book. >> seth: that's perfect. >> and then as soon as the take was over, i'm like, "can we just do it again?" [ light laughter ] it's just such an easy to way to do it. >> seth: that's reall -- yeah. i mean, don cheadle had to like, give up -- he just told us, like 12 years of his life. >> that's right. [ light laughter ]
mine was four hours in a booth. >> seth: you have been here before. obviously, you've done a ton of talk shows. but you had, for what i believe for you was the crown jewel. you did a talk show recently that you've long wanted to do. >> yeah, it was the crown jewel but i kind of blew it. >> seth: you blew it? >> yeah. so my brother and i are die-hard steve harvey fans. >> seth: the best. >> the best. >> seth: he's the best. >> and so funny. >> seth: yeah. >> and so, i got invited to do his daytime show. but i didn't want to do his daytime show and just -- i was doing "mummy" press. i didn't want to just talk about "mummy" and the workouts. i'm next to steve harvey. >> seth: yeah. >> so i thought, you know what? let's do a bit, and let's do a makeover. >> seth: right. >> you know, i'm a bad dresser. i know what those -- let's do a full on, steve harvey makeover. >> seth: right, which is something they do. >> and he's great at it. >> seth: yeah. >> i saw it today on tv. he did one. >> seth: yeah. >> so my brother and i talked. i'm like, "dan, come with me. we'll do the makeover. it'll be great." we pitched the producer. she was like, "yeah, sure." [ light laughter ] i'm like, "yeah, great. let's really do this!" and so they go, awesome. and they said, "so show up to work."
and i'm like, "great. is steve into it?" and they're like, "steve's good with it." so they said, show up in, you know, how you dress. you know, that you would need a makeover. now, if i'm gonna really do tv, i'm always going to dress up a little bit. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm not an utter maniac. >> seth: right. >> but if i'm gonna do a makeover show, you know, i'm gonna dress poorly. >> seth: yeah. give them more room to make you over. >> to make me over. >> seth: yeah, you're doing them a favor. >> yeah. seth, what happened was, it was cut. [ light laughter ] this really happened and it was really awful. so, in my head it was a bit that i thought steve was with me on, but i never talked to steve about. >> seth: right. so, i get to the steve harvey show, and i'm wearing cut-off corduroys, flip flops, a sweatshirt. i feel weird about it. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> i should not be on tv in those clothes. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> but for the makeover, it makes sense. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm walking backstage and my brother is like, "this is going to go great. this is gonna be perfect." i'm like, "oh yeah. i feel great. we're gonna meet steve harvey."
we meet steve, and about three minutes before we go on tv, and the producer tells us that steve has not heard the pitch. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: so this is the first -- >> he doesn't know we're doing the makeover. so he meets me and they go, "steve, this is jake johnson." and he goes -- [ laughter ] but this is backstage. and he goes, "you know you're going to be on tv, son." [ laughter ] and i go, "yeah, i need a makeover." and he's like, "young man, you're wearing flip flops." [ laughter ] and i was like, "yeah, i know. and you're steve harvey." and he goes, "all right." [ laughter ] he walks on, i'm in a living nightmare. i want out. >> seth: yeah. >> i change my mind. throw any suit on me. i'll just talk about the movie. three, two, one. jake walk-out. so i'm walking out. and as soon i come out, steve goes like, "again, what are you wearing?" [ laughter ] and then he goes, "what do you think tom cruise is going to say if you show up to the premiere like this?" and what i wanted to say is,
"i'm not an idiot. [ laughter ] i would never dress the way i'm dressing." i wanted to go like, "steve, i've made a mistake. [ laughter ] this was a stupid bit." so, he kills me. it does not go great. >> seth: yeah. >> he's really surprised i'm dressed this way. then there's the break where i get styled. >> seth: okay, so commercial break, they go back, they do the makeover? >> they have a guy who is going to dress me in a steve harvey type outfit. >> seth: yeah. >> my brother is backstage. i keep waiting for someone to tell me like, "no, it's going good." [ light laughter ] you know? it felt like it was going bad, but i was waiting. >> seth: i know. yeah. >> i didn't get that, seth. [ light laughter ] the person's styling, and i go, "what do you think? is steve like this a lot?" and the guy goes, "steve's really nice. he doesn't like you." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] so i'm like, "cool. that's all right, cool." so i put the suit on. my brother and i have a talk where my brother says, "realistically, what are our options?" and i was like, "well, i go out there. i get egg on my face. steve harvey hates us, and then it ends, or i'm the biggest
coward and we just run." >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> we talked it out. we're like, we can't run. and so, i'm standing behind the booth. the old photo of me. >> seth: yup. >> which is the, you know, cords of whatever. they brought my brother on stage. my brother, who is not in this business, is freaking out. >> seth: sure. >> i can see him next to steve, he's going like -- [ laughter ] he's thinking, steve harvey is about to murder his brother. and he wouldn't know where to be in terms of loyalty. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] i'm with you, steve. >> yeah, he'd be like, "get him steve! i'm sorry jake, but it's steve harvey." so the curtain comes on, i honestly don't know steve's reaction. steve gives me the big clap. so, he likes the makeover. we're in a money zone. my favorite part of it is that my brother, while i'm getting this applause, just loses his mind. so steve's going like this. i'm doing the, you know, makeover complete. and my brother's going, "yeah!" [ laughter ] >> seth: we actually do have a clip.
here's jake's brother losing his mind. >> jake, come on out. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ yeah. >> yeah! [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: that's a good brother. >> that's a good brother. >> seth: that's a good brother. hey man, thanks for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> seth: congrats on the movie. good luck on oscar night. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you man. >> such a pleasure to see you again. jake johnson, everybody. "spider-man: into the spider-verse" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. it seems like every day scientists are publishing a new study that proves something weird or hard to believe, and we're gonna take a look at some of them in a segment called "new studies." [ cheers and applause ] new research suggests that humans are mutating more slowly than ever before, but don't get me wrong, it's still happening to ted cruz. [ laughter ] >> leave him alone. >> seth: excuse me? >> leave him alone. haven't we made fun of ted cruz
enough? >> seth: well, you know, he's a public figure so i think it's okay to make jokes about him. [ laughter ] >> leave him alone! [ laughter ] poor guy, he's just doing his job. the last thing he needs after a long day at work is to get home, turn on the tv, and see you poking fun at him. leave him alone. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sorry, sir, are you a ted cruz supporter? >> if i'm a supporter of anything it's kindness, compassion, not mean-spirited jokes. if you have to make fun of somebody, make fun of me. >> seth: yeah, i don't know you so how would i make fun of you? >> well, you could make fun of the fact that i own a t-shirt that says, "i'm with stupid," but the arrow points up to my face. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, i don't want to make fun of that. you know, i just usually tell jokes about people who are in the news. people like ted cruz. >> oh, sure. make fun of ted cruz. have your fun. go ahead and say he looks like a werewolf that's retaining water. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's a terrible thing to say. >> i know! so leave him alone!
>> seth: i really would just love to get back to my jokes. >> oh well, you want something to joke about, how about this? you could make fun of the fact that when i shower i pretend i'm reporting live from a hurricane. [ laughter ] and i'm naked because the wind blew off all my clothes. >> seth: i really don't want to make fun of that. >> okay. well then how about this? you could make fun of the fact that my farts are so high-pitched only dogs can hear them. [ laughter ] [ dogs barking ] excuse me. >> seth: sir, sir! you are embarrassing yourself, and i don't want to make fun of you. >> are you sure? because you could make fun of the fact that i'm obsessed with my weight so i carry it with me all the time. [ laughter ] >> seth: just sit down so we can continue the show. >> fine, go ahead and get back to your ted cruz jokes. you know what i'd say it to that? >> seth: i don't know, i'm guessing, leave him alone. >> leave him alone! [ laughter ] if you need to make fun of somebody, make fun of me. you can make fun of the fact
that i donate all of my used underwear to goodwill. >> yeah, you know, i don't think goodwill takes used underwear. >> of course, he does. good old will loves getting his hands on my used undies. >> seth: please, just stop talking. >> what about this? you could make fun of the fact that i once tooted so loud in my sleep that i woke my mother up. >> seth: i thought only dogs could hear you fart. >> how dare you call my mother a dog! [ laughter ] leave her alone! [ applause ] >> seth: sir, you really need to stop offering up this information about yourself. >> are you going to leave him alone? >> seth: no. >> then i have more information to offer. [ laughter ] instead of making fun of ted cruz you can make fun of the fact that i never learned how to use buttons, so all my shirts are velcroed. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: i think we've had enough. please sit down, sir. >> fine. i'll sit down, but i'll do it with dignity. [ dogs barking ]
leave him alone. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we'll be right back with music from kurt vile, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ lobsterfest is on at red lobster. with the most lobster dishes of the year, what'll you choose? how 'bout lobster lover's dream? more like a lobster dream come true. a butter-poached maine tail, roasted rock tail and creamy lobster linguine. or try new lobster in paradise. it's a crispy coconutty, vacation on a plate. new ultimate lobsterfest surf & turf is here, too. 'cause what's better than steak and lobster? steak and lots of lobster. so hurry in and see how you're going to lobsterfest.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: performing "yeah bones" off his album, "bottle it in," please welcome kurt vile everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ when nobody calls you on the phone don't break your bones over there ♪ ♪ you'll only leave yourself lonesome to show for that so rock ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when nobody calls you on the phone don't break your bones dying dead in a black sea of tears over me ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when you're running on the run but you run run too far ♪
whoah ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: kurt vile, everyone! "bottle it in" is out now. for tour dates, go to kurtvile.com. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] there are moments in life that leave a lasting impression. like the feeling of movement as a new journey begins, or the sight of soft fur, warmed by the morning sun. you might remember new flavours, the sound of an old friend's laugh, or a view that defies all expectations. these are the memories that stay with you, long after the moments have passed.
all of you. how you live, what you love. that's what inspired us to create america's most advanced internet. internet that puts you in charge. that protects what's important. it handles everything, and reaches everywhere. this is beyond wifi, this is xfi. simple. easy. awesome. xfinity, the future of awesome. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to don cheadle, jake johnson. kurt vile, everybody. fred armisen and 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪