tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 21, 2019 12:37am-1:38am PDT
♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- amy schumer, from nbc's "abby's", actress music from pup, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, th meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is so great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. after white house counselor kellyanne conway's husband questioned president trump's mental state in a series of
tweets over the weekend, trump today called george conway a, quote, "husband from hell." [ light laughter ] meanwhile, on "real housewives", they passed a comprehensive immigration bill. [ laughter ] president trump tweeted yesterday that campaigning for the popular vote is not the same as campaigning for the electoral college, and compared the difference to training for a 100-yard dash versus a marathon. oh, yes, please tell us all you know about athletic training. [ laughter ] the only way you've ever gone 100 yards is with a seven iron. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] during a speech today, president trump complained that he was not given more credit for his handling of senator john mccain's funeral, saying, quote, "i gave him the kind of funeral that he wanted, which as president, i had to approve. i don't care about this.
i didn't get a thank you. but that's okay. we sent him on the way, but i wasn't a fan of john mccain." [ audience oohs ] and i think i speak for all of us when i say, move over, gettysburg address! [ laughter ] [ applause ] genetic -- yeah. genetic testing company 23 & me can now tell customers if they are at a risk of developing type two diabetes. "so can we," said seamless. [ laughter ] a man in australia reportedly returned to his car over the weekend to find a koala bear sitting in his back seat. even weirder, when he got in, the bear said, "just drive." [ laughter ] [ applause ] "just drive." do koalas have australian -- "just drive." [ laughter ] so far, 15 democrats have announced they're running for
president, but this week a lot of people are talking about one candidate in particular -- pete buttigieg. now, you may know not a lot about him. so to help you out, it's time for a segment -- "getting to know pete buttigieg." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: he served two terms as mayor of south bend, indiana. he's openly gay. he's 37 years old, but still gets carded. [ laughter ] he's white, but he's one of the good ones. [ laughter ] he spent seven months in afghanistan and three months pressing that shirt. he got into harvard without felicity huffman's help. [ cheers and applause ] he's from indiana, so he's excited to move to warshington. [ laughter ] he's hoping the debates end before 9:30, because that's his bedtime. speaks eight languages, which beats our current president by eight. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] his best friend is the bowl he
cuts his hair with. [ light laughter ] and finally, he's definitely what that kid from the movie "room" is going to grow up to look like. [ laughter ] this has been "getting to know pete buttigieg." [ cheers and applause ] 89 years ago today, colonel sanders founded fast food chain kfc. and boy, was trump pissed when he found out he still had to come to work today. "it's a holiday!" [ laughter ] that's right. 89 years ago today, colonel sanders founded fast food chain kfc, after smoking the original blend of herbs and spices. [ laughter ] "we're gonna put it in a bucket." [ laughter ] a truck overturned on an atlanta highway, today, carrying 40,000 pounds of printer ink. so it looks like it's going to be a couple more weeks on that mueller report.
[ laughter ] a company in japan has created a wearable milk tank shaped like a female breast in an effort to make it possible for men to breastfeed their children. said men, "yeah, that's what we'll use it for." [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's right. a company in japan has created a device that allows men to breastfeed their children. so if you're wondering what your baby's first word is going to be -- "no!" [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! [ cheers and applause ] she is a very funny comedian and her new special "amy schumer: growing" is available to stream now on netflix. amy schumer is back, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] you can see her in the upcoming nbc comedy, "abby's." natalie morales joins us. [ cheers and applause ]
and we will have music from a fantastic band. punk powerhouse pup is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so excited for you to hear them. also, very excited about this. i'm going to be going on the road this weekend. friday, i'm going to be doing standup at the civic theatre in new orleans. and saturday i'm going to be at the carolina theater in durham, north carolina. so please come check me out. it's going to be a lot of fun. and now, before we get to all our great guests, president trump and one of his closest allies in congress have spent the week whining about people who are mean to them. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: one of the core themes of trump's campaign was that he'd be tough. he promised to return to an era where people weren't so sensitive and politically correct, and he called his opponents weak. in fact, there was one insult he kept returning to over and over. >> we have a bunch of babies running our country, folks. we have a bunch of losers. they're losers, they're babies. oh, please. please.
don't be a baby, okay? i know all these things. i mean, i'm not a baby. i'm not saying i trust everybody in the white house. i'm not a baby. our companies have been just taken like we're a bunch of babies. we're losing our jobs like a bunch of babies. [ laughter ] >> seth: babies don't have jobs. [ laughter ] which means he has fired a baby. [ laughter ] "take your crib and go." [ light laughter ] and, of course, it's not just trump. right wing pundits on fox news and elsewhere have been lecturing progressives for years not to be so sensitive about stuff like, say, racism. and they love to use schoolyard disses they think are really cool. >> america's left wing college professors and other snowflakes on campus. >> tonight a quiz. are you a snowflake? >> actually, most of the snowflakes work at cnn and nbc. >> i don't give a damn what the little snowflakes think about anything. >> we have a very special guest. a therapy llama. all these snowflakes in college, they get so stressed out, you
know, they like to pet the llama. and we're going to show you guys that. >> seth: oh! [ light laughter ] oh, a therapy llama. maybe you can bring it to the white house. it will blend into the president's hair. [ laughter ] and yet -- [ cheers and applause ] and yet the guy who has called his opponents babies has spent his entire term as president whining about people being mean to him from "saturday night live" to john mccain to google. in fact, this morning he once again lashed out at george conway, the husband of one of his advisers, kellyanne conway. george conway is a longtime republican lawyer in d.c. who has called trump mentally unfit for office. and as always, trump could not help but fire back. >> he says this. "george conway, often referred to as mr. kellyanne conway by those who know him, is very jealous of his wife's success and angry that i, with her help, didn't give him the job he so desperately wanted. i barely know him but just take a look, a stone cold loser and husband from hell." >> seth: i'm sorry, but you are the last person on earth who should call someone the husband from hell. [ light laughter ] you've been divorced twice. you paid hush money to a porn
star. your affairs were all over the tabloids. and you misspelled your wife's name. [ laughter ] if anything -- [ cheers and applause ] if anything, "husband from hell" sounds like the name of a lifetime movie about you. [ light laughter ] and i hate to tell you, but just like "snl" did, they're gonna get alec baldwin. [ laughter ] trump can't let -- he can't let go of even the pettiest feuds. for example, this week, he repeatedly slammed the late senator and war hero, john mccain. trump is still mad that mccain voted against his healthcare bill with that infamous thumbs down. which i have to say is an effective way to say no to a pushy ass[ bleep ] like donald trump. based on every picture of trump, he probably didn't even know thumbs could even go that way. [ laughter ] "what do i -- so i stand on my head?" [ laughter ] trump -- [ applause ] trump has been attacking mccain in tweets and comments to reporters all week. and then today he complained that mccain didn't thank him for letting him have a funeral.
>> i endorsed him at his request. and i gave him the kind of funeral that he wanted, which as president, i had to approve. i don't care about this. i didn't get "thank you." that's okay. [ light laughter ] >> seth: because he was dead. man, you know -- [ laughter ] i don't know if mccain is a ghost, but he's clearly haunting you. [ laughter ] trump's always been obsessed with even the smallest perceived slights, but lately he and his fellow conservatives have turned their attention to a new target -- the internet. they think the internet is biased against them. in fact, trump has become obsessed with the idea that google in particular is rigged to make him look bad. >> "facebook, google and twitter, not to mention the corrupt media," he says, "are so on the side of the radical left democrats." >> google is helping china and their military, but not the u.s. terrible. the good news is, they helped crooked hillary clinton and not trump. how did that turn out? >> google search results for "trump news" shows only the viewing reporting of fake news media. in other words, they have it rigged. >> seth: in fairness to trump,
he probably thinks google is biased against him because if you search his name, all the results are bad. [ light laughter ] in fact, if you type "donald trump" into google, you just get an error message that says, "why are you doing this to yourself?" [ laughter ] and it isn't just the news articles that are bad. even the "people also search for" tab is damning. three of the top results are michael cohen, robert mueller, and barack obama. pretty easy to see the thought process there. he committed crimes with michael cohen, and is being investigated by robert mueller, and can we go back to barack obama. conservatives -- [ cheers and applause ] conservatives have been whining about media bias for decades. it is not sincere. they're just working the refs, because they don't want fair treatment, they want special treatment. and now they're doing the same thing to social media companies. and the dumbest example of that came this week from california republican congressman, devin nunes. he's the guy who was in charge of the russia investigation in the house until he had to step down, because he was bad at his job. remember him? the guy who looks like when you open your phone and the
front-facing camera is on? [ laughter ] you know, michael scott, but somehow dumber looking? [ laughter ] like trump, nunes has been whining about social media bias against conservatives, but now he's going one step further. he's suing twitter for supposedly censoring him and for allowing fake twitter accounts to be mean to him. and he's suing those fake accounts too. nunes, who is also a dairy farmer, is suing two parody accounts called -- and this is real -- devin nunes' mom and devin nunes' cow. [ laughter ] that is right. devin nunes is suing a fake account called devin nunes' cow, and he's mad because it got too many re-teats. [ cow mooing ] [ cheers and applause ] the next card says "audience carries me out on their shoulders," but i don't think -- [ laughter ] we'll skip it.
but that wasn't the dumbest part of the lawsuit. the dumbest part was the fact that in order to make his case, nunes provided example tweets from the fake account. tweets that until now most people had never even seen before. for example, the account devin nunes' mom posted a graphic claiming that trump, putin, and nunes were attached to each other like a human centipede. nunes put that graphic in his lawsuit. [ laughter ] dude! what is wrong with you? before you filed this lawsuit, no one had ever seen that. [ light laughter ] like you passed out at a party and someone drew a dick on your forehead so you got mad and took a selfie and put it on instagram. [ laughter ] and to be clear -- to be clear, we at "late night" would have never made a graphic like this and we certainly would never have been allowed to show it on tv. but now it's part of an official lawsuit by a member of congress and we have to show it. [ laughter ] in fact, and again -- again, i hate -- i hate that i had to do this. but legally, i had to have it printed on a t-shirt. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
there we go. we might even sell it in the nbc store in that secret room behind the door that says "weird [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] you know where they keep the anatomically correct alf dolls. [ light laughter ] just to give you an idea -- of how badly this lawsuit has backfired, in the lawsuit, nunes' lawyers write that the account devin nunes' cow had 1,204 followers. obviously that's a very small number. but as of this taping, because of the publicity from the lawsuit, devin nunes' cow, had -- and again, this is real -- 471,000 followers. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] by the way, we've had to change that number all day. when this airs six hours from now, i'm sure it will be like a million, five. [ light laughter ] in fact, the fake cow account now has more followers than devin nunes' real account. [ laughter ] even devin nunes' actual cows are following it now. so a republican congressman is suing people for being mean to
him on twitter, and the president is feuding with a senator who is no longer alive. there is nothing i can say to make you guys feel better but -- can i get you a free t-shirt? [ cheers and applause ] this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with our friend, amy schumer, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) parents have a way of imagining the worst... ...especially when your easily distracted teenager has the car. at subaru, we're taking on distracted driving [ping] with sensors that alert you when your eyes are off the road. the all-new subaru forester. the safest forester ever.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. and give it up for the 8g band right over there! [ cheers and applause ] also, so delighted to have fred armisen back with us this week. [ cheers and applause ] and one of the great joys in my life right now is that the third season of a show that i do with fred and bill hader, "documentary now," is in our third season. and a fantastic -- [ cheers ] fantastic episode airing tonight on ifc with you natasha lyonne which is great. and i urge everybody to check that out. and thanks for being here, buddy. it's always a pleasure to see you. >> fred: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest tonight is an emmy and peabody-winning comedian you know from such films as "i feel pretty" and "trainwreck" and her series, "inside amy schumer." her latest standup special, "growing", is currently streaming on netflix. please welcome back to the show, our good friend, amy schumer. [ cheers and applause ]
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: oh, hi. >> hi. >> seth: you're barely showing. [ laughter ] >> you promise? >> seth: i promise! >> okay. because jessica simpson made it look easy. [ light laughter ] do i look fat? be honest with me. >> seth: no, you look exactly the same. >> okay. >> seth: as you've always -- now, i can't tell if it's -- they say if it's low, it's a boy. >> right. >> seth: and if it's high, it's a girl. >> exactly. >> seth: and yours seems to be both, depending on how --
[ laughter ] >> it's kind of -- it's kind of -- you know. [ light laughter ] it -- i don't -- whatever the baby wants, the baby does. you know? >> seth: you seem to have great body control with this. >> yep. i have found pregnancy very -- >> seth: yeah. >> easy myself. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i know how some women don't like how people just assume they can touch it. do you mind if i put a hand on it? >> um, okay. but, you know this is a -- you know, we're in a #metoo moment. so just -- [ light laughter ] just in a not creepy way. >> seth: well, that's definitely the reason i asked first. [ light laughter ] >> okay, consent. consent. >> seth: yeah, okay, consent. >> you guys heard it. >> seth: thank you. that's great. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> i was uncomfortable, actually. [ laughter ] no, but i just want to thank your wardrobe department and everything. they're unreal. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: can we get you out of that thing? >> should i take this off? yeah. we'll be right back with more from amy schumer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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whole pregnancy." and i was like, "we'll be seeking a second opinion." [ laughter ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." we're here with amy schumer. [ cheers and applause ] that was a clip from your wonderful -- >> epic. >> seth: wonderful, epic new special, "growing." >> thank you. >> seth: and, obviously, this is a lot about your pregnancy. >> yeah. >> seth: which you've been honest about. and you're honest in the special as well. not an easy pregnancy for you physically. >> yeah. it's been pretty tough. i didn't know that pregnancies could be such a bummer. you know? >> seth: yeah, well -- [ light laughter ] >> i mean, i really didn't know. >> seth: i mean, i think that everybody -- you know they're hard but you've had -- >> yeah. >> seth: like, some extra stuff that's made it really rough. >> i have -- i still have hyperemesis. i threw up a bunch of times on my way here. worth it. love you guys so much. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you. >> no, but i'm lucky. i can, you know, get -- i have good health care. >> seth: that's great. >> and i can get an iv, and, you know -- >> seth: i'm very happy. >> survive. >> seth: do you guys know -- do you know what you're having
yet? >> we do, but we don't care. like, you know, however the baby identifies. as long as they don't identify as a deejay. >> seth: oh, yeah. that's fair. [ laughter ] >> 'cause that's disgusting. [ applause ] >> seth: no parent wants that. >> that's just disgusting. [ light laughter ] you know? >> seth: i know you talked to my wife a great deal. >> yep. >> seth: who's had two kids. >> seth: and obviously a lot of -- i would say, probably a lot of mothers give you advice, both solicited and unsolicited. have you found that to be the case? >> yeah. i think everyone is really sensitive about giving advice. like, they're worried that you've gotten too much advice. >> seth: yeah. >> so no one gives you advice. you know? i have to be like, no, i have no idea what i'm doing and i would like some advice. [ light laughter ] but, yeah, actually, your wife -- she told me that prenatal yoga really helped with the birth. so i immediately signed up for a c-section. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. >> seth: why? >> i don't -- 'cause i'm not -- i'm not doing that. i hate that.
>> seth: yeah, why -- it would be a bad scene for you. >> i hate it. >> seth: it's probably best for the people in the prenatal yoga class not to have your energy. [ laughter ] >> that's true. everyone is like, "why does it feel so bad in here?" and i'm just like -- yeah. >> seth: your sister -- really, this is incredible. made you a cake. >> my sister-in-law. >> seth: oh, your sister-in-law. >> i like to remind her that it's just by law. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is a very honest cake about what you're about to expect. >> yeah. >> seth: and i, you know -- obviously, the idea of giving someone who is about to expect a baby a cake is not that crazy. >> no, it's sweet. >> seth: but i don't think i've ever seen this one before. >> no. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] you know? [ cheers and applause ] it's not encouraging. >> seth: no. >> i didn't feel encouraged. and i just want to say, like, i purposely didn't have a baby shower. >> seth: yeah. >> it seems like -- like a nightmare to me. she came over at like 11:00 at night with that cake.
[ laughter ] out of nowhere. and i was like, this is -- that's molly, she's a bad person. >> seth: yeah, she's -- yeah. [ laughter ] >> bad. >> seth: no, i've met molly, yeah. >> yeah, you know molly. >> seth: i can confirm. >> she's the worst. >> seth: yeah, she's not great. yeah. >> she's bad. >> seth: that's a beautiful cake, though. >> it's gorgeous. >> seth: yeah, she's a -- >> and i did eat it. like, i ate it. [ laughter ] i ate the ass[ bleep ]. can i say the ass[ bleep ]? [ laughter ] >> seth: no, you can say it. >> that's fine, right? >> seth: as long as it's a cake ass[ bleep ], you can say it. if you said were eating -- >> it's a cake's ass[ bleep ]. >> seth: if you were eating a human ass[ bleep ] we'd have to beep it. but if you you're like, "i ate the cake's ass[ bleep ]." >> no. >> seth: yeah. >> no. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: that's the law. >> that is the law. >> seth: that is the law. you -- i'm so blown away. i mean, obviously, you are pregnant in the special. and then you -- obviously, you didn't write and perform it just, you also produced it and directed it. >> yeah. real narcissist. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: but, also, that's a real burden of work. did you -- was there ever a time you regretted doing that? or were you happy the whole way through that you had that control of this project? >> no, i was, like, pretty terrified in thinking -- because you have no control over your body, you know?
>> seth: right. >> it's just like -- like, hope i don't throw up all day and have to be in the hospital. and i did -- you know, i taped two shows in chicago. i threw up in between a lot. but no, it just like, my body kind of held out. and i had -- >> seth: did you feel, as a performer, did you feel that thing of adrenaline kicking in when you went on stage, and thinking, "all right, this is going to get me through the hour." >> totally. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. same thing that's getting me through this exact moment. you know? [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: yeah. >> like, i'm here! yeah. but everybody is giving me, like you know, advice, but kind of too late in the game. >> seth: oh, interesting. >> yeah, like, it's -- okay, i'm, like, almost having this baby. and just, like, yesterday, my mom told me that smoking increases the chance of a low birth weight. so, i had to, like, just start smoking. [ laughter ] >> seth: it might be too late now. >> i know. it's probably too late. and i don't even like smoking. [ light laughter ] it's very dangerous! >> seth: yeah, because you probably -- it probably doesn't reduce it if it hits a certain weight already. >> exactly.
>> seth: yeah. >> and there i am puffing away just in case. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, better safe than sorry. >> exactly. >> seth: you don't want to have a 10-pounder on the day. >> exactly. >> seth: yeah. >> no. i can't. >> seth: and obviously you'd stop once it was born. >> but i'm getting hooked. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm getting hooked. >> seth: oh, okay, gotcha. that's going to make it harder. >> that's really good. like, i want young people to see that. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think your comedy has always been very honest. which is why people adore you so much. and one of the things you also talk about is your husband, chris. >> yeah. >> seth: here's a photo of you guys right here. >> you should show the cake again. >> seth: what? >> what if you showed the cake again. this is my husband. >> seth: that's what the cake looks like. >> that's chris. [ light laughter ] >> seth: he's very handsome and a lovely person. >> he is handsome. >> seth: but you talked about how you went and he got tested -- >> yeah. >> seth: and was -- and is on the autism spectrum. >> yeah. he was diagnosed as high-functioning autism spectrum disorder. >> seth: but that has been something that has been, like, a sum positive for your marriage. >> yeah, totally. that's why we wanted -- we both wanted to talk about it.
because it's been totally positive. i think a lot of people resist getting diagnosed. and even some of their children, because of the stigma that comes along with it. but you're not just diagnosed and then they throw you out. like, you know, hopefully if you can get help -- like the tools that we've been given have made his life so much better and our marriage and our life more manageable. and, so, i just wanted to, you know, encourage people to not be afraid of that stigma. because, like, you know when a.d.d. was the new thing -- like, everybody -- you're a little embarrassed if you got diagnosed with attention deficit. and now everyone is like, "i have that." >> seth: yeah. >> and, you know, i think there are a lot of people with autism who go undiagnosed when i think their life could be better if they got those tools. >> seth: and i -- [ cheers and applause ] it's wonderful. >> thanks. no, but, also, his life and his trajectory -- that's not like everybody on the spectrum. you know? >> seth: right. >> but that's our story. he's an amazing guy.
i don't want to make it sound like, "i'm so nice that i married someone with autism." [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> like, i love -- i fell in love with him. >> seth: yeah. >> and he's -- you know, i wouldn't trade him in for anybody. >> seth: one of the great -- one of my favorite things that made my wife and i laugh the hardest, because, one, it was super funny. and, two, we had the added bonus of knowing chris -- >> yeah. >> seth: you talk about how he's just incapable of lying. which makes such a great -- >> he just can't -- >> seth: such a great quality for a husband. >> yeah. yeah. [ light laughter ] it's a dream, but it's also, like, a real nightmare. you know, like -- even -- he's here. and i came out and i was -- right before. because i changed outfits. i'm like, "does this look okay?" and he was like, "well, it's too late." [ laughter ] [ applause ] he's right, though. >> seth: yeah. >> it was too late! >> seth: it's also -- the other great observation you make is you forget. because you go, "oh, i don't want my husband to be capable of lying." but he also can't lie on your behalf at all. >> no. >> seth: yeah. >> no, it's -- it's really challenging. 'cause he can't lie for me.
>> seth: yeah. >> you know? like ,you need your partner to be like, "yeah, we do have to get home." you know? [ laughter ] but he's like, "no, we have nowhere to be." [ laughter ] cool, chris. thank you! >> seth: well, he's the best. and you're the best. and i can't believe -- i'm so happy you guys are going to have a baby. it's the most exciting thing in the world. >> heaving a baby! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well, i love both you guys. >> love you. >> seth: congratulations. it is so great having you here. [ cheers and applause ] "amy schumer: growing" is streaming on netflix now. we'll be right back with natalie morales. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ in 1969, engineers put a man on the moon with technology less powerful than any smartphone. i became an engineer because of them. now i'm at verizon building a powerful 5g experience for america. we call it 5g ultra wideband.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a talented actress you know from the film "battle of the sexes" and shows like "parks and recreation." she stars in "abby's", which premieres march 28th at 9:30 on nbc. let's take a look. >> is this a -- bar in my aunt's backyard? >> what? [ laughter ] no!
no, these are all just -- my friends. yeah. >> we do know each other. >> i'm her emergency contact. >> yeah, we just like hanging out like this, all together in a group. >> with a cash register. [ light laughter ] >> i collect old cash registers, as do many other people. >> seth: please welcome to the show natalie morales, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: thank you for being here! >> i am so psyched to be here. >> seth: this show is a very cool concept in that it takes place outdoors. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: but you have a live studio audience. >> correct. >> seth: so, it's basically an outdoor studio. >> yeah, we shoot the whole thing outside. every episode. >> seth: with a live audience. >> yep. >> seth: are there other challenges that come with that? other than just the outside part of it? >> yeah, i mean, there's like helicopter noises and plane noises and siren noises and the occasional skunk. >> seth: really? [ light laughter ] a skunk will just wander onto the set? >> yeah, there's like a little skunk house behind video
village. >> seth: well they should get rid of that. [ light laughter ] >> no, seth. no, we're in their home. we've gotta respect them. so you just gotta pause for the skunk. >> seth: got it. >> no one move. and then you continue. >> seth: that's fantastic. it's a bar -- is the setting. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: and you are a bartender. a lot of it is based on the fact that people talk to their bartenders. tell them their problems. you have worked in the bar service industry? >> yes. >> seth: did you find that to be the case when you did it? >> yeah, i mean, i think any bartender will agree. people sit at your bar and then they go -- [ sighing ] [ light laughter ] and then you're like, "what's up, buddy?" [ laughter ] and then they tell you their whole life. and they're like, "what should i do?" and i'm like, "i truly do not know. i just serve liquor." >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] i do not have a degree in psychology. >> no. yeah, yeah. >> seth: i am not a life coach. >> correct, yeah. >> seth: this -- you have obviously done a lot of stuff over the years and been in a lot of shows. what was your first gig? you were saying backstage, it was pretty great. >> yeah, yeah. it was "csi: miami."
>> seth: "csi: miami." >> yep. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: there you go. >> some "csi: miami" fans over here. yeah, that was one of the best times of my life, simply because of one moment. >> seth: okay. >> so, i played this girl who was a model who got kidnapped by a photographer. and my character's name was anya, as is every ambiguously ethnic person's name. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. oh, anya's sort of a go-to? >> yeah, like, it's just like to cover your brown bases, you name your character anya. because it's like -- >> seth: okay, gotcha. it could be anywhere, yeah. >> could be anything, yeah. and -- [ laughter ] i'm kidnapped by this photographer. i'm in his warehouse. he's got me tied up. i'm, like, tied up like this, and there's, like, strobe lights flashing. it's my first thing i've ever done. i'm so deeply nervous. it's like, the first shot of the day is a close-up right on my face. i'm like tied up like this. and david caruso does not rehearse. >> seth: oh, really? >> no. so they're going right into action. and the scene is -- >> seth: so you had not seen
him? >> no, never met him. and the scene is he's coming to rescue me, right? and they have like "csi: miami" music, it's like, strobe lights and like -- ♪ it's like a very intense thing and he's coming in with this gun, right, to rescue me. and so they call, "roll it." and then, "action!" and i'm just, like, tied up like this. and david caruso busts in and goes, "i'm comin', anya!" [ laughter and applause ] and i -- i lost it. >> seth: sure. [ laughter ] >> i -- my nerves couldn't handle it. and i laughed so hard. and they stopped, and they were like so mad at me. they were like, "why did you laugh?" and i was like, "did you not hear?" [ laughter ] and then no one talked to me. they conferred amongst themselves, a bunch of stuff happened. "take two's up." and then they're like, "rolling, action!" and i'm just like, "okay. what gonna happen?" i'm nervous again. and then david caruso busts in, and goes, "anya, i'm comin'!" and i was like -- [ laughter ] >> seth: that's why --
>> yeah, okay. >> seth: that's why that show is an institution. >> yes, absolutely. [ laughter ] >> seth: they fix the problems! >> yep, yep. yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: i like the idea that that was a multi-person solution. >> oh, man. i've been waiting since that moment to tell that story on "late night." >> seth: yeah. i mean, this is -- yeah. [ cheers and applause ] it really is. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: i like to think that every -- like, a lot of like first time actors in l.a. just have a little file folder on their desktop that's like, "late night" stories. hoping for something like that to happen. >> top of my list. 12 years, just like -- can't wait. >> seth: you also worked at hollister. >> oh, god, yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah. >> seth: what was your job at hollister? >> i was a visual manager, because -- this was before they got sued for only hiring models. >> seth: okay. >> to be the front of their store. which obviously, like, they weren't going to hire me. so i was like, "i'll put up your mannequins." and they hired me. i was like 17 or 18. >> seth: so a visual manager puts up a mannequin? >> yes. but, like, my main job is just
coming into the store every morning and spritzing all the mannequins with three spritz of cologne. >> seth: really? >> which is why all the stores smell like that. [ light laughter ] >> seth: the mannequins wear cologne. >> every day. and sometimes you redo it in the middle of the day if they, you know -- >> seth: if they've worked out a lot, yeah. >> exactly, yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. >> seth: makes sense. you also -- you grew up in miami. >> yes. >> seth: and you -- [ applause ] >> yeah! >> seth: some miamians here. those are probably just the "csi: miami" fans. [ laughter ] they heard it again. they were so excited. you had mang -- as a young entrepreneur -- >> yes. >> seth: you had a mango empire. >> i like to call it a mango monopoly. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> because i like the alliteration. >> seth: sure, sure. that's better. >> and it's more what it was. >> seth: yeah, you're better at business than i am. that's clear, yeah. >> yes, yeah. so i grew up with this mango tree in my backyard and i guess the tropical miami version of a lemonade stand is a mango stand. and so i sold mangos in my front yard with my cousins and then, suddenly it caught on, like, down the street. other kids were doing it. and i was like, "excuse me, i
started this." so i marched down there. by the way, i was, like, 8. and i was like, "hey, your mangos are terrible. my mangos are good. you're closer to the front of the street than i am. so, by the time they get to me, they're not gonna want my mangos. and this is a problem for me. but, here's what we're gonna do. i will sell your terrible mangos for you, and i'll give you a cut, if someone buys them." you know? no one ever bought them. [ laughter ] and i had no competition. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> so that worked out really well for me. >> seth: you crushed it. >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: congratulations! >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: and congrats on the show. and thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> seth: i hope you'll come back. it was just a delight. >> i am so excited. >> seth: natalie morales, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "abby's" premieres march 28th on nbc. we'll be right back with music from pup. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i hear it in the background and she's watching too, saying
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♪ ♪ just like the kids i've been navigating my way through the mind numbing reality ♪ ♪ of a godless existence which at this point in my hollow and vapid life has erased what little ♪ ♪ ambition i've got left and i've embraced the calamity with a detachment and impassive disinterest ♪ ♪ living out the back of my '97 camry wondering how the hell i got myself into this ♪ ♪ i guess it doesn't matter anyway i don't care about nothing but you ♪ ♪ i guess it doesn't matter anyway 'cause i don't care about nothing ♪ ♪ i don't care about nothing but you no i don't care about nothing ♪ ♪ ♪ she said i'm sick of it all ♪ ♪ your little games are getting old your little songs are getting way too literal ♪
♪ how about some goddamn subtlety for a change ♪ ♪ ♪ she said i feel like i've come untethered in a room without walls ♪ ♪ i'm drifting on a dark and empty sea of nothing it doesn't feel bad it feels like nothing at all ♪ ♪ i guess it doesn't matter anyway i don't care about nothing but you ♪ ♪ i guess it doesn't matter anyway 'cause i don't care about nothing ♪ ♪ and i had it maxed out i had a feeling oh nothing is working and everything's bleeding oh ♪ ♪ i shoulda tapped out given in to my demons oh ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ it's alright it's just a flesh wound you said you never saw it coming ♪ ♪ i'm pretty happy lying here with you it's pretty good to feel something ♪ ♪ i don't care about nothing but you no i don't care about nothing ♪ ♪ i don't care about nothing but you no i don't care about nothing ♪ ♪ and i had it maxed out i had a feeling oh nothing is working and everything's bleeding oh ♪ ♪ i shoulda tapped out given in to my demons oh
i had it maxed out i had it maxed out ♪ ♪ and nothing is working nothing is working and everything's bleeding oh ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: woo! pup, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] "morbid stuff" is out on april 5th! for tour dates, go to puptheband.com! we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ]