tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 30, 2019 12:37am-1:38am PDT
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jesse eisenberg, from "a.p. bio" writer and comedian paula pell, music from dan and shay, featuring the 8g band with allison miller. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. white house press secretary, sarah huckabee sanders held a press briefing today for the first time in six weeks. and i think it'll be the last
one for a while, cause she ended with "happy holidays." [ laughter ] president trump spent the weekend at his mar-a-lago resort in florida. by the way, that sentence was written two years ago, and yet it still works every monday. [ laughter ] according to a new survey, senator bernie sanders is polling just two points behind former vice president joe biden in iowa, which makes sense when you see the poll question. [ laughter ] according to axios, former vice president joe biden is expected to announce whether he'll run for president within days, and the suspense is killing nobody. of course -- [ laughter ] of course he's running. [ laughter ] they probably have to strap him down hannibal lecter style to keep him from announcing. [ laughter ] the only way he's not running for president is if obama invites him to go on a four-year road trip. ah.
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] president trump today denied that he mistakenly referred to apple ceo tim cook as tim apple. [ laughter ] and claimed he was just trying to, quote, "save time and words." you? [ laughter ] you were trying to save words? i'm pretty sure you're the reason words need rescuing. [ laughter ] an increasing number of democrats have begun calling for the party to consider expanding the number of justices on the supreme court. said brett kavanaugh, "but there's already 18." [ laughter ] indiana mayor and democratic presidential hopeful, pete buttigieg yesterday called president trump's term in office a, quote, "porn star presidency." and that's an apt description, because i enjoyed it for about five minutes, and i've felt weird ever since. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
it's been announced there will be a new emoji to represent interracial couples. it's just like the old couples emoji, but with a bunch of white people staring. [ laughter ] the chicago symphony orchestra went on strike today, or as they call it, rest. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, we did a smart joke! [ laughter ] yeah, you said we couldn't. we did one! [ laughter ] a florida man was recently sentenced to 60 days in jail after he grabbed a mcdonald's employee by their shirt collar because he couldn't find a straw. i mean, that is insane. someone in florida was wearing a shirt? [ laughter ] [ audience groans ] [ laughter ] we did a symphony joke, too.
[ laughter ] according to a new report, the average city bus in new york travels just 6.4 miles per hour, which transit researchers have pointed out is nearly 2 miles per hour slower than a rat can sprint. [ laughter ] so next time you're being chased by a rat, don't take the bus! [ laughter ] [ applause ] go faster! [ cheers and applause ] and finally, a vermont town recently elected a three-year-old goat to be its mayor. [ light laughter ] which was pretty embarrassing for the guy who ran against him. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! [ cheers and applause ] he's starring in the new film, "the hummingbird project." jesse eisenberg is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] we're always so happy to see him. she is a very funny writer and comedian you can see in the new season of nbc's "a.p. bio," one of my favorites, paula pell is
here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from grammy award-winning duo dan and shay. [ cheers and applause ] so you're here for a fantastic show. before we get to that, president trump has been lying about everything from paul manafort's sentencing to a meeting with apple ceo tim cook. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: last week, the president's former campaign chairman, paul manafort, was sentenced to 47 months in jail for tax and bank fraud, which is much less than the 19 to 24 years prosecutors recommended. and to justify the lenient sentence, the judge in the case said something that didn't really add up. >> the judge telling the court just moments ago that he believed that a sentence of 19 to 24 years, as was recommended by the prosecutors in this case, would be excessive for paul manafort. the judge then also said -- let me read this for you here, wolf. he said that paul manafort lived
an otherwise blameless life. >> seth: well -- [ audience ohs ] if you take out all the stuff he's being blamed for, sure. [ laughter ] i mean, ted bundy lived an otherwise blameless life. [ laughter ] and remember, this guy -- [ cheers and applause ] this guy right here stole millions of dollars, committed tax and bank fraud, and in june he went to jail for witness tampering. a crime he committed while he was on house arrest for a different crime. [ laughter ] the nicest thing you can say about him is that he's great at multitasking. [ laughter ] i bet his cellmate is going to love his chore poster. [ laughter ] and manafort's corruption went beyond financial crimes. he spent virtually his entire career in washington lobbying on behalf of some of the worst people in the world. >> if you look at manafort's long history of lobbying, it is about as controversial as you can get. he has represented a gallery, a rogue's gallery of foreign dictators.
>> the firm he helped found developed a niche, representing a roster of controversial international clients that has been described as the torturers' lobby. >> filipino dictator marcos, angolan guerrilla leader janas savimbi ousted ukrainian president and putin ally, victor yanukovych. >> seth: he lobbied for dictators, set up something called the torturers' lobby and he was with bane when they blew up that football field. [ laughter ] also, let's just take second to note how insane the racial disparities in our criminal justice system are. paul manafort committed tax and bank fraud, and created something called the torturer's lobby, and was sentenced to less than four years in prison. compare that to what a public defender in brooklyn tweeted last week. "for context on manafort's 47 months in prison, my client yesterday was offered 36 to 72 months in prison for stealing $100 worth of quarters from a residential laundry room." that's insane. no one should go to jail for stealing quarters from a laundry room. and i'm saying that, knowing that donald trump has almost certainly stolen quarters from a
laundry room. [ laughter ] that's why his coat always looks like this. [ laughter ] it's just loaded down with change. [ light laughter ] you know, in the summer he has a much harder time hiding it. [ laughter ] manafort wasn't a marginal figure in trump's orbit. he was the president's campaign chairman. just listen to that. president, campaign, and chairman. each one of those words is super important, and yet republicans talk about him like he was assistant to the regional manager. [ cheers and applause ] for example, here's what louisiana senator john kennedy had to say on sunday. >> can you -- >> yes, i do. >> answer the question -- >> yes, i do. >> though, on paul manafort? >> manafort -- >> because he was charged with an array of felonies because of the special counsel's case. >> number one -- number one i was surprised at his sentence. i thought it would be longer. number two, as i said in the past, mr. manafort is a grifter. he used to be a partner with roger stone.
he's -- i'm sorry, margaret. he's just a sleazoid. >> seth: a sleazoid? [ laughter ] you sound like one of the guys in biff's gang from "back to the future." [ laughter ] you should be wearing 3-d glasses, and holding a skateboard. [ laughter ] now in sentencing manafort, the judge noted that the specific charges in this case were not directly related to the question of russian collusion. he did not say there was no collusion. just that this case was not about collusion. but that didn't stop trump from twisting his words anyway when he spoke to reporters on friday. >> i feel very badly for paul manafort. i think it's been a very, very tough time for him. but if you notice, both his lawyer, a highly respected man and a very highly respected judge, the judge said there was no collusion with russia. this had nothing to do with collusion. there was no collusion. it's a collusion hoax. it's a collusion witch hoax. i don't collude with russia. >> seth: did he just call it a witch hoax? [ laughter ] all of his catch phrases are
starting to blend together now. [ light laughter ] trump has the same diction and syntax as a spam e-mail asking for your social security number. [ laughter ] help. i need a moneys for a witch hoax. [ cheers and applause ] trump has this habit of taking other people's words out of context and insisting those people exonerated him when they did no such thing, like when his former personal lawyer, michael cohen, testified before congress. cohen said he personally did not possess any definitive evidence of collusion, but trump insisted that what cohen had actually said was that there was no collusion at all. although he couldn't seem to make up his mind about whether cohen was a liar or not. >> he lied a lot, but it was very interesting, because he didn't lie about one thing. he said, "no collusion with the russian hoax." and i said, "i wonder why he didn't just lie about that too, like he did about everything else." i mean, he lied about so many different things. and i was actually impressed that he didn't say, "well, i think there was collusion for this reason or that." he didn't say that. he said, "no collusion." and i was -- you know, a little
impressed by that, frankly. he could've -- he could have gone all out. he only went about 95% instead of 100%. >> seth: i love that trump is impressed that cohen lied 95% of the time, but not 100% of the time. [ laughter ] trump talks about not lying the way the rest of us talk about those guys who climb mountains without any equipment. it's like, "well, that's impressive. i could never do that." [ laughter ] trump, of course, is a pathological liar. his instinct is to lie about everything from russian inclusion to the smallest and most meaningless details. in fact, here's an example of one of the dumbest things trump has ever lied about. you might remember that last week this clip of trump meeting with the ceo of apple, tim cook, went viral. >> you've really put a big investment in our country. we appreciate it very much, tim apple. >> seth: that's right. [ laughter ] he called him tim apple. [ light laughter ] does trump think that when you run a company you're named after the product? [ laughter ] "mr. president, so you know bill gates."
"i believe it's bill windows." [ laughter ] so that happened last week. now, a normal person would have just let it go, written it off as a slip of the tongue and moved on. but donald trump is not a normal person. [ light laughter ] and on sunday, the website "axios" reported that during a meeting in florida with republican donors, trump claimed the media were spreading fake news when they said he called the ceo of apple tim apple. [ light laughter ] trump told the donors that he actually said tim cook apple really fast, and the "cook" part of the sentence was soft. [ laughter ] okay -- of all. tim cook apple doesn't make any more sense than tim apple. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] tim cook apple sounds like how tarzan would describe someone making a pie. [ laughter ] "tim cook apple. tim eat apple. tarzan love tim." [ laughter ] second, the story you want us to believe is that you didn't say "we appreciate it very much,
tim apple." you said, "we appreciate it very much, tim cook apple." [ light laughter ] if you're going to lie, at least improve your situation. [ laughter ] "officer, i have not been drinking, because i was doing too much cocaine." [ laughter ] and even the people in the room thought trump's lie was bizarre. according to "axios," republican donors in attendance called it one of trump's weirdest lies ever. "'i just thought, why would you lie about that,' one of the donors told me. [ laughter ] it doesn't even matter." [ laughter ] no, it doesn't, but trump lies about stuff that doesn't matter because he lies about everything. trump lies for the same reason forrest gump runs. he just does. [ laughter ] "lie, forrest, lie!" [ laughter and applause ] so, when that version -- when that version of the story didn't fly, incredibly, trump woke up this morning and doubled down again. this time with an entirely new story. he claimed he combined tim cook's name and his company's name because it was faster. >> trump took to twitter, saying, quote, "at a recent round table meeting of business executives,
and long after formally introducing tim cook of apple, i quickly referred to tim plus apple as tim apple as an easy way to save time and words. the fake news was disparagingly all over this. and it became yet another bad trump story." [ light laughter ] >> seth: only trump could claim that he was trying to save time and words by writing a long tweet that takes up time and words. [ laughter ] you know if you really wanted to save time and words, you could just not talk at all. do all your campaign rallies with duct tape over your mouth, or at least skip a bunch of words so it sounds like this. >> we have won and i am very totally crazy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we -- of course, the best part of all of this is that trump now has to double down, and do it to everyone. "oh, there's my friend elon tesla. [ laughter ] oh, if it isn't steven movies. [ laughter ] and there's my buddy, paul crimes." [ laughter and applause ] everyone -- everyone in trump's
orbit is a habitual liar. they lie about everything from the dumbest things to the most important things. just take erik prince, he's an informal trump advisor and the former ceo of the mercenary company, blackwater. prince testified under oath to congress that he had no official role in the trump campaign, but in an interview last week, he admitted that he was present at a secret trump tower meeting in 2016 with emissaries of several foreign governments. and in the interview, he claimed that he hadn't lied to congress, even though he obviously did. >> how come you didn't mention that meeting to congress, given it's so relevant to their investigation? >> uh, i did. as part of the investigations, i certainly disclosed any meetings. the very, very few i had. >> not in the congressional testimony you gave to the house. we went through it. you didn't mention anything about august 2016 meeting in trump tower. >> i -- >> they specifically asked you what context you had, and you didn't answer that. >> i don't believe i was asked that question. >> i've got the transcript of the conversation here. [ laughter ] >> sure. i might have been -- i think i was at trump headquarters or the campaign headquarters, maybe -- >> trump tower, august 3, 2016. you --
>> possible. >> don't you think that's something important to disclose to the house intelligence committee while you're under oath. >> i did. >> you didn't. we just went through the testimony. [ laughter ] there's no mention of the trump tower meeting on august 2016. why not? >> i don't know if they got the transcript wrong. >> seth: damn. soon he's going to go from "i wasn't asked that question" to "the transcript was wrong" to "i was just trying to save time and words." [ laughter ] trump lying about the dumbest things is revealing because it shows that he and his associates lie about anything, from paul manafort, to russian collusion, to the ceo of his favorite company -- >> tim apple. >> seth: this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: we'll be right back with jesse eisenberg, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks," be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. choosing your investments can be stress-free with a prebuilt portfolio
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody! give it up for the 8g band right over there! [ cheers and applause ] sitting in with us this week, she is one of our favorite drummers and is an incredible jazz musician from right here in new york city. the latest album from her group, allison miller's boom tic boom, "glitter wolf" is available now. allison miller is here, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] so happy you're back. our first guest tonight is an academy award nominated actor you know from such films as "the social network" and "now you see me." he stars in "the hummingbird project," which opens in
new york and l.a. march 15th in select theaters. nationwide march 22nd. let's take a look. >> are we getting our money's worth? or are you trying to screw us, and give yourself a big departure bonus when the [ bleep ] hits the fan. >> jesus, brian. you think i buried 500 miles of fiber from kansas to indianapolis as a what, a favor to the earth? okay. the line is halfway done. it's more than halfway done. the line is going to be very [ bleep ] fast, and you are going to be very [ bleep ] rich. okay, i promise. no ass [ bleep ] bonuses. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, jesse eisenberg, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> yeah, great, great, great. thank you, how are you? >> seth: i love it when we get a few curse words in the clip. >> i know, i know. i feel like, kind of, yeah, that might happen between us now. >> seth: yeah, right. i feel like that's really opened it up for us. >> yeah, exactly, yeah. >> seth: so this is a film where you, and your character, and
your cousin are building a fiber optic cable basically from the east coast to the west coast to get the edge in financial trading. >> that's right. to like beat the stock market by like a millisecond. and this is something that actually happened. people spent $400 million to build a line underground going as straight as possible through mountains, through swamps, through people's houses to like beat the stock market for, you know, no reason. to get rich. but other than that there's no -- you know, there's no product. no one get's to eat after that. yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: you seem -- you've seemed to enjoy playing these characters who have big ideas to get rich. that seems to be one of your go-tos. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah, unfortunately it's all in like independent movies so it never works out. [ laughter ] >> seth: you have something else that has worked out because not only an actor, you're also a playwright. >> yeah. >> seth: and you have a play that's going to open this year. >> first of all, your parody of the sondheim "company" was the most brilliant thing i've ever seen. my goodness. the "documentary now." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you, yes. all credit to john mulaney and that cast. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. and of course paula pell is going to be here. >> seth: yes.
>> and if you can wait five minutes, it'll be a more interesting experience. because she's going to be here. [ laughter ] no, no, my play, it's a drama. susan sarandon plays this woman who is kind of a diva of the new jersey community theater scene. and a woman who's trying to get her papers, you know, for her documentation to become a citizen asks for her help to get married. so, it's about immigration, but also musical theatre, and it's peppered with the most obscure musical theatre references. which i thought would not be appealing to anybody until i saw your show, and realized, oh maybe there's like a -- or maybe not. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, no. i would say, we discovered -- i think the people who love musical theater are -- there are more of them than you think. >> right. >> seth: and they know more about it than you would think. and it's been a very rewarding to find out. >> that's right. >> seth: and this is -- your whole life, this has been a love of yours. >> yes, i love musical theater. it's unironic. [ laughter ] and the show, you know, makes fun of musical theater because you have to because it's such a silly art form in so many ways. but as you said, the people who love it really love it. the play is called "happy talk." it references susan sarandon's character.
she's playing bloody mary in a jewish community center production of "south pacific." [ laughter ] so, went to a jewish community center, and she has play bloody mary. [ laughter ] >> seth: and you had two loves growing up. were musical theater and nba basketball. >> that's right. yeah. >> seth: which i would imagine there were a lot of people in both groups, maybe not a ton in both combined. >> those were two separate birthday parties. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> two separate -- it's like the kind of thing where you don't mix your work friends and your weekend friends. yeah. >> seth: and you always -- this -- nba basketball was always your love. did you have a team that you cared about? >> i love the phoenix suns to an -- [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] really? >> seth: wow. >> my apologies. [ laughter ] they're the worst team in basketball. although they beat the golden state warriors last night inexplicably. >> seth: yeah, they did, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> i don't know what happened. i think, you know, you get cocky. [ laughter ] it's a lesson. there is a lesson there. and, yeah. and so, yeah, i -- i wrote a letter to dan majerle. >> seth: yeah, thunder dan. >> that's right, thunder dan, 1993, explaining that i was getting bullied at school, and can he come help out. >> seth: wow. >> yeah, and he didn't.
and then -- [ laughter ] and then they lost the finals that year. right after he got my letter. you know. and i've since written about this. and, you know, my apologies to the suns for ruining their thing because i stressed dan majerle out. >> seth: oh, you think the letter asking him to save you from bullying was so in his head that that led to them losing in the finals. >> no question. [ laughter ] yeah. no question about it. >> seth: wow, more so than playing against michael jordan. you feel like that was a small -- okay, all right. >> yeah. i mean, michael jordan's good and everything. you know, he can jump high and all that. but my letter was pretty searing. [ laughter ] you know? and, yeah. and so anyway, i've written about it, i did a podcast about it. really to apologize to dan majerle and secretly hoping he'll hear it. and then he heard it and we did a radio show reconciliation in phoenix. >> seth: wow, that's wonderful. >> yes. ultimately, it's a good story. >> seth: that's great. >> yeah. >> seth: i'm glad that worked out. then you were able to forgive him as well for not saving you from the bullying. >> you know, it taken a long time. >> seth: yeah. >> but i have come to terms with it. i imagine he's also in therapy about the incident, and it's nice that we can finally reconcile. yeah.
>> seth: i know you're doing a movie in atlanta now. do you ever go to hawks games when you're down there? >> went to a hawks game last week. i got to sit courtside, because it's the hawks. [ laughter ] and, you know, before the game, because like i'm in movies. sometimes the players will know me cause they watch those. [ laughter ] so like, you know, a player would come over in the beginning when they're like shooting around and be like, "hey, what's up, what's up?" and i'll say like, "hello, sir." [ laughter ] and then, like i have this false impression that we have a real thing going, and that i could like make comments during the game like a friend would. >> seth: sure. >> you know -- like, stay to your left. or like, don't worry about those guys. you're going to get them. you know, something like that. they're taller and all that, but -- >> seth: stay to your left, is that something you would tell a friend if they were playing basketball? [ laughter ] >> yeah. that's like probably the best advice. >> seth: no, i mean -- i played a little back in the day, and i obviously didn't have any good friends because no one ever said that. [ laughter ] >> no one ever told you -- well, i was sitting on the left. >> seth: i see, so it was more like bring it this way. >> bring the action over here. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. exactly. the least you could do. >> seth: that's very -- >> you're the hawks. >> seth: i remember going -- i would go to knicks games every now and then and player would be
very close, and i would feel like i would never get any recognition. and then i had this moment of like, oh they obviously don't watch "saturday night live." they have to go to bed early, and play basketball and then i went once with andy samberg and literally everyone were like, "hey, man." >> we watch every episode of "saturday night live." >> seth: snl! and i'm like, what? all right. [ laughter ] >> my favorite part is the head writer, and we don't even know what he looks like. >> seth: and so when you're at games, like, the hawks game, do you just root for the home team? >> i have to root for the home team. i have to root for the home team. because my tickets are free. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, i see. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: yeah, that would get back to management. that would be a bda look. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. you don't want it to get to management. or even scare your middle management. >> seth: gotcha. >> because they're in this weird hierarchy, and they get angry. >> seth: do you at the end of a game -- you know, now the game is over, and obviously their focus is back on just hanging out with friends. is there ever a moment where you try to make eye contact afterwards. maybe get like a post game invite somewhere? >> one hundred percent, and that happened once. >> seth: oh really? >> yes. yes, i met andre drummond. he's on the detroit pistons. >> seth: yeah, a very tall man. >> yeah, really tall. i mean to me, the shortest man
in the nba is the tallest man. once you get past a certain point, it's all just a strain on my neck. [ laughter ] you know, but i met him afterwards and he wanted to make a little like, instagram video about "now you see me," and i was obviously up for it. and we became friends, and he invited me to dinner. >> seth: that's wonderful. did you go? >> yes, he ate double of what i ate. >> seth: wow. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: that's fantastic. when he ate double did he order double, or did he just take your food when he was done with his? >> immediately took my food and spit some of it back into my mouth like a mother bird, you know. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's fantastic, though. what an amazing -- i mean, i would imagine a dinner like that getting to ask questions to a person who plays this game must be amazing. >> yeah, it's a dream come true. absolutely a dream come true. what i discovered, though, which was interesting is that, kind of, he watched movies to relax where as i watch basketball to relax, and both of us are so like, self conscious about our professions that we can't ever watch ourselves. you know so we took solace in each other's entertainment. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. a real "gift of the magi" situation. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. he touched on that. [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, thanks so much for being here. it's always such a pleasure to
have you. >> thank you so much. thank you so much. >> seth: jesse eisenberg, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "the hummingbird project" opens in new york and l.a. this friday. we'll be right back with paula pell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ parts of me i didn't even know. i find out i'm 19% native american, specifically from the chihuahua people. what?! that's... i find that crazy. it traces their journey in the mid-1800s from central mexico to texas. learning about the risks they took for a better life... ...it gives me so much respect and gratitude. it just shed so much light in my past that i never even would've known was there. 20 million members have connected to a deeper family story. order your kit at ancestry.com.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is an emmy award winning writer known for her work on "saturday night live." she stars in "a.p. bio" which airs thursday nights at 8:30 here on nbc. let's take a look. >> wow, this is a real quizzer. my friend sent me a bunch of emojis, and i have no idea what this means. >> ooh, is it something juicy? something filthy? >> first there's a doctor, then there's a lady in a dress. then a martini. martini, and a martini. a hotel, a pill, a sleepy face, a needle, a what, who, me kind of shrug, and then money, money, money, lady in a bathing suit, and a palm tree island. >> uh, helen, i think your friend's about to murder a doctor for money. >> but she's married to a doctor. [ laughter ] oh, my gondola.
[ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show, one of my favorite people in the world, paula pell, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hi. >> seth: hi, paula. >> hello, hello. >> seth: you look wonderful. >> thank you so much. i kondoed my closet so hard, i had to go get an outfit. >> seth: oh wow. [ laughter ] >> because all i had left was like a bra and sweatpants that i only wear when i have the flu. >> seth: oh gotcha. >> so, i got a little suit. >> seth: that's the danger. the danger of kondoing. >> hold on. >> seth: you over-kondo. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay, you're looking at my butt right now. [ cheers ] hi. >> seth: i have known you for a very long time. >> so long. >> seth: and i met you as a writer at "snl," and everyone who ever worked in a writer's room with you knew you to be the
funniest person on earth. and now it's really exciting, because you're acting a lot more now, and the world is seeing how funny you are. >> i am. i'm aging into these older lady characters. i was born at 50. i was born a matron. [ laughter ] but i always wore the gray spray in my hair, and played the mother superior in eighth grade in "sound of music." [ laughter ] and now i'm actually -- of an approximate age. i'm nearing an approximate age where i can play a lady -- say, in her 50s. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's wonderful. and the world is so happy to have it, and now you've created so many characters, too many to list, for wonderful actors at "snl" over the years. you have a new character. >> i have a new character -- >> seth: for yourself, now, which is really exciting. >> that i just created just to soothe myself and my friends. it's just, kind of, not fully flushed out yet, but i was gonna try it out on you. >> seth: great. >> it's -- it got inspired when i was drinking some tea, some green tea, and i found what was on the box so comforting. come over here, seth. >> seth: okay. come sit next you? >> the world is just such a
scary place now. so i just -- >> seth: okay. >> i want you to feel -- >> seth: and what's the name of your character? >> my character's name is nana teabags. >> seth: okay, gotcha. [ laughter ] >> so, just come over here with me. >> seth: okay. >> and just really park your head in my bosom. just go -- >> seth: okay. like that? okay. >> just right in the bike rack. okay. [ laughter ] now just close your eyes. >> seth: okay. the biker ack -- >> and i'm just gonna read about tea. you ready? >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> through the screened front door, zingy lemongrass and spritely spearmint coax contemplative pan-fired green teas to come play. [ laughter ] calmly, lemon verbena opens the door, and invites them all to a cup of tea. [ laughter ] now wait. there's a little bit more. >> seth: okay. >> giggling. [ laughter ] giggling notes of curious chai tea peek mischievously from behind a painted screen. they summon us, and gently
suggest that we join their spicy hang, and leave our pantaloons at the door. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you have such -- >> go back and sit there, cause i'm starting to get straight. [ laughter ] >> seth: you have such -- >> my 10% went to 12. [ cheers ] >> seth: you're up to 12 -- >> i'm up to 12 when i'm sitting with you. >> seth: that's a new record. >> you're foxy. >> seth: thank you. [ laughter ] your diction is such that you were just like, blowing those words across the top of my hair. >> yeah. just very sally kellerman >> seth: yes. [ laughter ] >> blue cheese dressings. [ laughter ] >> seth: you had another incredible performance this year, and even jesse eisenberg, a previous guest, was shouting you out. an episode of "documentary now," you played -- basically, channeled elaine stritch. >> i channeled her. i did not do a real impression of her -- >> seth: no -- >> cause no one can be elaine stritch. >> seth: you grabbed her spirit. >> yes. >> seth: because there was this famous moment in this documentary about the "company" cast recording where she was
having issues singing her song, "ladies who lunch." >> yes. >> seth: you, in this episode, were singing a song, "i gotta go," also having difficulties. let's take a look at a clip, real fast. >> "i gotta go." take 11. >> benedict, just so we're clear. earlier, many times i mentioned i had an eye doctor appointment to get my eyes scraped, and i have already taken the medication, and it's ripping through my system. so we need to be brisk with this. let's just do it. ♪ and i gotta go i should do better or different than this ♪ no [ bleep ] kidding. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it was -- it was so -- so joyous to watch you. i hope you enjoyed doing this. >> it was so beyond -- i'm such a theater nerd. i got my degree in theater in college. i always did theater, and it was -- and i stage managed "company" when i was young. and my mom actually played that elaine stritch role.
>> seth: oh, wow. >> she hadn't done theater since high school, and she said, "i turned 40 and i'm going to get my license finally, and driver's license, and i'm gonna to be in a show." and she played. she sang "ladies who lunch." so it was like a perfect little beautiful thing, but we kept laughing, because we loved doing it so much, and learning all the music that we kept, like -- we finished and they're like, "great, we're wrapped." and we're like, "can't we go to seattle in a van and -- [ laughter ] local theaters?" >> seth: you -- speaking of your mom, who -- >> yes. >> seth: is just a full delight, and i'm always so happy to see her. you had a girls' weekend with your mom and sister. >> yes, i did. i wanted to share this. i called my mom and asked her if i could talk about this, and she's like, "i don't care." [ light laughter ] i really thought she'd protest. you'll know when i tell you this. whenever my mom, and my sister, and my nieces, we get together, we always kind of challenge my mom to live her best life. we always try to have her experiment with things. i'm not gonna go into details about what. [ laughter ] but this is one particular time where my sister and i were watching television late at night with her. my dad had gone to bed, and
we -- we told her -- we didn't force her. she did it. but we said, "pick out a porn movie to watch." [ laughter ] and so we scrolled through, and we were just like, "just pick a quickie one." [ laughter ] they're 15 minutes long. i don't know why they're 15 minutes. they should be two minutes long. [ laughter ] but anyway, they -- she picked "55-year-old, and older sexy grannies." >> seth: wow. [ laughter ] >> i found 55 to be a little bit low number for grannies. [ laughter ] but so we started watching it, and the first thing is my sister -- we're watching it, and my mom is like -- watching it like this. and she goes, "who the hell would want to be the cameraman all up in that stink?" [ laughter ] and then my sister -- cause we're not paying attention, cause i'm furiously taping on my phone, you know, sending to the grandchildren, like, just crying laughing, and my sister goes, "rewind it. rewind it. oh, my god." my sister patty, and we rewound
it, and there was a spot where he like, lays her over the couch and they're about to do it, and he takes his hearing aids out like this. he goes -- [ laughter and applause ] and then finally, we're continuing to watch it. my mother's really studying it, and she just goes, "who the hell would want to watch him in a close-up of scratching his craggy-ass foot? [ laughter ] who wants to see this guy's foot? i don't understand why this is sexy? who wants to see his foot?" and then i look at the television, and it was not his foot. [ laughter ] unless his foot has just one big toe, and a saggy ankle. [ laughter ] it's not his foot. [ laughter ] >> seth: he was -- >> yeah. >> seth: he was scratching it? >> yeah. he was scratching it. [ laughter ] he was scratching the length of it. [ laughter ] >> seth: he probably had athlete's foot. >> yeah. so -- [ audience oohs ] >> seth: that is fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: oh my god. i mean, what a joy to just be
there for it. your mom has inspired you in a lot of ways. >> yes. >> seth: i know kate mckinnon has played this character on "update" which is a woman who watches soap opera inspires. >> yeah, this is my mom, deenie. >> seth: yeah. she looks very much like this. >> seth: yes, she does. >> they did the wig exactly like my mom's hair. [ laughter ] and i used to write her doing -- my mom talking about the soaps. because my mom and i still watch the soaps and we adr -- adr them. [ laughter ] we xerox them. [ laughter ] and my mom will call me, and she'll go, "did you watch 'em today?" oh, my god, were they good. [ laughter ] and she goes, you know, "mustache and big boobs went in, and that baby is not -- you know that baby is not dead." [ laughter ] and she'll text me things, all of a sudden, with no warning and go, "you know that baby is not dead?" and i'm like, "oh, the baby's not dead." [ laughter ] but she does -- she 's watched it for 40 years, and does not know one character's name. >> seth: that's great. [ laughter ] she calls them big boobs, red head, you know, slut bag. you know?
different things. [ laughter ] >> seth: different things. >> yeah. >> seth: one last thing. hopefully you're going to come back and talk about it when it comes out. but you were just in a film that amy poehler directed, and is also in, and it's basically all of the group of women from your era at "snl." >> yeah, it's based on a -- >> seth: it's dratch, ana gasteyer. >> yeah. >> seth: maya, tina. >> it's called "wine country," it's coming out soon, and we did it for netflix. and it is such a joyride. and it's basically -- we reenacted with fictional characters, but kind of very close to ourselves a trip we took for one of our 50th birthdays. >> seth: i cannot wait to see it. >> there is so much fantastic stuff in it. we'll be talking about it soon, and giving all the details of it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what more do have to hear? paula pell, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "a.p. bio" airs thursday nights at 8:30 here on nbc. we'll be right back with music from dan and shay.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: performing "all to myself" off their acm nomitated self-titled album, please welcome to the show, dan and shay. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm jealous of the blue jeans that you're wearing and the way they're ♪ ♪ holding you so tight i'm jealous of the moon that ♪ ♪ keeps on staring so lock the door and turn out the night hey ♪ ♪ i want you all to myself we don't need anyone else let our bodies do the talking let our shadows ♪ ♪ paint the wall i want you here in my arms we'll hide away in the dark slip your hand ♪ ♪ in my back pocket go and let your long hair fall
i want you all to myself ♪ ♪ to myself i'm jealous of the song that you've been singing ♪ ♪ and the way it's rolling off your lips mm yeah ♪ ♪ it might be selfish but i'm thinking i don't need nothing between you leaning ♪ ♪ for another kiss hey ♪ ♪ i want you all to myself we don't need anyone else let our bodies do the talking let our shadows ♪ ♪ paint the wall i want you here in my arms we'll hide away in the dark slip your hand ♪ ♪ in my back pocket go and let your long hair fall i want you ♪ ♪ all all all to myself to myself ♪ ♪ yeah ♪
♪ ♪ girl i want you in the worst way mm yeah, i want you in ♪ ♪ the worst way mm ♪ ♪ i want you all to myself we don't need anyone else let our bodies do the talking let our shadows ♪ ♪ paint the wall i want you here in my arms we'll hide away in the dark slip your hand ♪ ♪ in my back pocket go and let your long hair fall i want you ♪ ♪ all all all to myself to myself ♪ ♪ i want you all all all to myself ♪ ♪ to myself yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: dan and shay. folks, for tour dates, go to danandshay.com. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ t-mobile will do the math for you. right now, when you join t-mobile, you get two lines of unlimited with two of the latest phones included for just one hundred bucks a month. [ "werk it" by mama haze ] ♪ woo ♪ baby, baby, baby ♪ baby watch me werk it now ♪ woo ♪ baby, baby, baby ♪ baby watch me werk it now
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