tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC January 19, 2016 10:34pm-11:37pm MST
this is e ow. ank you veryuch. we're gointo have n. fuy ow ton bufirst, hs what people are lking abt. this ibig. th morng, twitter went dow for most three hours. it wasn't good. no. [ laughter ] in fact, i heard donald trump acly had to fax hiinsults to people. [ ught ] the whole thing a nightre. applau of crse, donald trump contins to lead in the polls, but he recently id that ife loses the election, 'll go back to building skyscpers. [ light laughter ] when askedhere he'ild them, he said, "right in front ofhe white house." laughter and applause ] good land the. meanwhile, didou hear about this? the british lawmakers are theyet yesteayo star debating wther or not to ban donald trump froenring the uk [ laughter ] it'srazy, because if there's anyone who should get along withonaltrum it's british lawmaker >> you are t weakest link. good-bye. [ laughter ] >> y have the charisma oa
>> you don't need it to be christmas to know when you're sitting next ta turkey. >> you're a miseble pipsqueak of a m dog. [ laughter ] >> jimmyyeahcheers a appla] even trump w like, "ever calm down. [ laughter ] just chill out "next to a turkey." [ laughter ] and check this out. in a new interview in "time" magazi, democratic candida bernieanders said that he's never worn tuxedo in his life wh asked what he got married in, bern said, "1879." lahter andppus] what did you wear? listeno this, a recent town hall meeng, ris christie admitted that he's got a littl bit of arush on adele. [ audience os ] which explains adele's new song -- hell no [ laughter andpplause ] hell no. ofourse, last night -- so psyched, we g a brand-new episode of "the bachelor." you ow we love "the
it was eiting. ben anlaur b. hatheir first kiss. audien oohs ] a lot of people are sayinghe ent or a little t too ng, but the audio was a a lile screwedp. ybe it was just because they were in thhot don't know. watcthis. see if you can see anything. [ squeak ] [ laughter ] [ slurping ] [ laughter ] [ crackling ] [ laughter ] [ raspberry sound ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimromaic. that's how ks kiss rightow. >> stevethat's what they do. >> jimmy: that's how peoe kiss now. >>teve: kids love . that's the wayhey act. >> jimmy: you ys, if you're lookg r some valenti's das, you might want to list to this. e "harry potter"tuo to
hosting a valentine's day dinner in the great hall from hogwarts. [ audience oohs ] it's great for couples or r single guys who aim their date is wearing an invisibility clk. [ laught and applause ] normally y c't s her, she's from canada. she doesn't --er friends aren friends with your friends. [ laughter i thought this wasretty cool the airpne manture airbus recentlannound it's partnering with ubero offer helicopter rn a new seice called urchopper. [ lauger ] and you ght it was annoying when your uber driver tried to talk to you before. >> h's the temrature back there, gd? you want anyater? i said, you want a water? why don't yogive me your iphone and i can play atever music you like. [ cheersnd applause ] leave melone. and finally, jt read abo a man in california who is making news for having ove 1,000 different credit cds and a ne perfe credit scor when asked what his secret i
we have a greashow. giup forhe roots, yby. [ chee and applause ] jimmy >> jimmy: , we've got a big weekf shs ahead. tomorrow nig, dakota johnson d marlon wayans will be here. [ cheers andpplause ] anwe'll have a special musical performance from - stephen bishop wl be here tomorr. le him. [ applau ] on and on it just eps on he's not doing that. [ light lauger ] one? >> jimmy: no, he's notoi that one. he'soingo do -- somhing's tellin me it might be you ke a rlly nice romantic lile valentine's - pre-valentine'day song. >> steve: pre-valentine's day song. >> jmy: yeah, buwe're going to do something special with it. it's gonnaa goodne.
sarah silverman, mcoubio, and jeff daniels wilall be joing us. [ applause that's a great week. but first, we're so y to haveer back on the show. she's got a great new four-part documentary series premierg this saturday netflix called "chelsea does." it's awesome. >> steve: it's great. >> jimmy: 'sreat. yeah she's tackling differe, likefour different subjects. like, shdoes marriage, tenology, drugs. chsea does drugs. uger but it super funny. but also, it's vy art. the very fnyhelsea haner is stoppg by. [ cheers and applause i like it. pl, he's one of the stars and creators of the hit show "portlandi" the hilarious fred ais is on thew tonight. [ chee and applaus] two funny people. >> stevecomen. >>immy: we love m. ed and i a playing a fun musical game later on. it's talent that he never -- rarely shows on television. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: he going to debut it tonight.
my: it very fantastic. d,f course, we have mario tali will on the show tonht. eers and alaus] >> stevecon. >> jimmy: onof t greatest chefs inhe hisry of the world. >> steve: the rld. >> jimmy: yeah, love the guy. and for someeason, i've challengedim to grilled cheese cook-of [ cheers ] don't know why i chalnging mao tao a a ok. soumb, butuestve is goin to be the judge. so yeah. [ applse ] can we get any tips? any ti on wh grilled cheese -- do you enjoy a good grild cheese? qstlovei . >>immy: , yeah. qstlove: should be good. hter ] jimmy: let me write tt one down. >> steve: grill , with chse.>>immy: that's a good tip, right ere. >> steve: don't do it ld. >> jimmy: i might le sofancy. stereally? >>my: i don't know. we're not . or maybe i won't. you n just tryo thw him off the trl. >> questlove: yeah, rope-aope it. >> jimmy: i ston't want him tommediately just go wit atever mario does. >> sve: because watch whate do, yomight be ae to switch. >>immy: he's t te of dude, mario batali, u gethe ngdientsndou end up with two totlyif i make something and heakes
how difft it is. >> sve: his will be a a ousand times -- >> jimmy: well, that's why he is wis. it's like when you havan ate theho and yogo"oh, throw a a football." and i s thwit like -- [ laughter ]like, that's h i coo i cook and io -- >> ste: d yot ed jimmy: mario batali -- yeah, he does -- >> sveu get ed a l, too. >> jimmy: he a genius. we love th guy. guys, time to take a look at stories and weigh the good with the bad. it's time here we . [ chrs and appe ] pros and cons d pros and cons anpr >> jimmy: tonigh we'll b taking a look at the pros and cof buying the playboy mansion. [ laughter ] it just went up r sa, but with one catch. iss al. hugh hefner gets tstay there d you hear thi [ light laughter ] if you buy it, he stays in the house. >> steve: he stays tre? w long >> jimmy: the playbomansion. yeaht's ta a look at the pros and cons buying the plbonsion. he we . pro, iwas first erecd in 1927. [ lahter >> stevewaitor it. [ drumroll laughter immy: con,s hu hefne there you go. and alause ] a little htory. sve: ye know your sty. >> jimmy: a littleisto
grade apiances. co butith a little wor th can be upgraded to double ds. laughter and applaus] pro, she bge n got thr start the pla mansion. con, like ilisrp, and gonohea. [ laer and alaus] stted from the bottom. now they're re. >> steve: now ey're here. [ laughter ] >>my: rentina a low-ball offer. or ugh hefn cal that, flasng somne. steve: really? [ laught and applause ] rely? >> jimmy: a low-ll oer. >> steve: here's a ballroom heon >> jimmy: pro, the fro doo features two n doorbel. co and a pair ofld knkers [ laer and applause ] very classic. >> sve: classy. >> jimmy: all the doors have them >> steve: so100%, toshelf. >>myand lly, pro throwing a housemi p aninviting all your frnds. n, knowing it's e lamest party at's ever been thrown there. that the pros ancons. thank you, everybody. we'll beig back th chelsea ler.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: were joined ght now by a multiple "nework times" best-selling auth. very funny comedian who hosts a a new four-pardocumentary ries called "chels does." you can see it starting this saturday on netfx. ease welcome back to the sw oupal, chelsea handler [ chrs and applae ] >> jimmy >> jimmy: come on. hi. hi. >> jim: ank u for beg re. you look great. yeah. [ cheers and applaus] got to make you feel good. >> oh, i fort toto the throom. [ light la ] >> j: what do you me? >> i went too tohe bathroom. they were likecomen stage. i was going li ts cck if i hto pee, like bab [ light lauger ] hold on. >> jimmywh the verdict? we'll nd o.
ld on. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: ease don't. hold on. [ ght laughter ] >> jimmyi dot wa to intet. i'm not log. [ light laughter ] almost? >> oka >> jimmy: yodrank a lot war. [ light lauger ] >>issed yo isn't he the best host? [ eers and applause you are. because you really are. >> jimmy: no. you're great. >> a i know is because i used to be a host. yeah, but i didn't want to talk to anybody. [ lit laughter ] you know, u come andou're so enthusiastic. when people do these pss tours, people get annoyed talking peoe and aning the same questions but you make it verfresh and new and you' very fun to be around. i want you to kn that as a a host whoas done this job with my eyes shut. [ light laughter ] >> jim: m doing it with my eyes open. >>ou look like you really have your eyes widopen. [ uger ] [ chee and applause ] jimmy: thank you. thank you. very ne of you to y. weissed you. i sseeing you onv every ngle nig. >> i'm coming back.
cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i know. so youook a year off, right? took sabbatic. li what oer person es. [ light laughter ] when they can't stand people anymore. i learned a language, like an derly rs. i'm like, i'm gointo learn a a language. i'm gointo travel the world. i'm going toet certified for light laughter >> jimmy: you did? >> my sists ke, you know what you sound lrighno i'm like, atever, i'm seeing the rld. i know tn i went to a detox sp austria. people thought i went to reh. [ light laughter ] >> jimmyoh my goshno >> my sister is like, are you in rehab? i was li, no, i uld ver quit. [ light lahter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: u're not a quitter. not itter. >>ou think i would ever make that mistake that i would ha to drienalcoho no, at's never on my lt. >> jmynot going to happe >> i had a lot of fun. i bought a house in a foig country. m learning snish. i'm actually learning . i can't have a great conversaon, but i could talk to you.
thatt known r. hola. [ speaking spanish [ laughter ] jimmy: i want to learn a a nguage. m not sure which one i going to do. >> what about enish? [ light laughter ] i'm making fun of him. u' really od at english. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: ank you very much. you reallyeant tt. yeah. i watchethese, becau i wod be scared if iidn't havehis jo and what my xtob would be if i didn't have this job. does that scare you at all when you dn't have e! behind you? >> not really. i mean -- you knowju was ke, i nt tdo something at i was really scaredo do, because r me, i need to be sted all theime. have such a.d.d., after doing that sw for a long time, i'm sorateful i got that show, please. it gave me huge life. but after a ile, i just can't talk about this stuff anymor i justan. like i don't care. i want to be ae to talabout sports and politicand seand
embodi us. >> jimmy: u cally watching this you ar interestedn the bjects >> yeah. >> jimmy: but the marria one, i rely enjoyed becau you're not rrd. >> no, know. >> jimmy: you don'want to be married. [ light lauger ] >> i he never been married. i think that victory. cheers and applause thank you. i'm -- now that i'm 40, i' ke, okayi could see getting maied. no viable options at allt now that i'mast the mp of people sg when are you gog to get mared? are you gointo g married? >> jim: yeah. >> becse i'm so rebellious. m ke, i'm not gog to marry ody. now that nobody's asking me, i'm likewatc get married. [ laughter ] >> jim: i'm going to g rried twice. ll get remarried. >> i'll get married, get divorced, anthen g married again. boo-yah. [ lit ughter ] >> jimmy: boo-ya that's great if you brg that back. [ light laughter ] i love tha you do this, the one on drugs. you just go. you' smoking with willie nelso whi'm sure everyone wld love to do.
[ light laughter ] i couldn't open one of my eyes. [ lit laug ] his weed, has owninof weed, for ose of you who lik weed. [ lilaughter ] and you smoke weed with him and you're like, honesy couldn't open my eyes the next day. i really still can't opemy eye. and you're in a trailewith him, because that's ere thk heiv in a air. [ lit laughter >> jim: did he think you were winking at himhey, willi i'm having a great time. , aryou not having a good time? >> i don'tven --e's so sted, probably di'tven [ laughter ] he really is. but he -- the wot rt ii' going to interview him. m supposed to be interviewing him and i'm lking him. i didn't take into account i was going to be colely, you kn, disabl. [ light lauger ] and so as we're lking, i like"oh, my god." at am i going say next? st kp talking. loing at him, and he's not big talker. >> jmy: no. >> i was like, i hope he jus keeps talkinbecause i'm so oned. [ light lauger ] jimmy: it's so nnto
yohave tcheck it out. you can watch all four. 's not as lo as "makina a murderer." whicby the way -- >> nothing is. >> jimmy: by the way, way to long way o long, yeah. but there's a thing, i'm gng to pronounce it wrong, but- >> ayahuasca. >> jimmythank you. >> ayahuca. it's a plant druyou can do in the amazon. you can dot wherever. they he these shamans that do it. it's like a spiritual kind of like, ening drug or trsformative, like tranendent in rtain ways. yway- >> jimmy: u drink it? >> youri it. it's a tea. yelling at you in anish. [ light laughter ] he's gotrees. if you're t focu, he hs hightoo. want to get high you're yelli at me. with trees. >> swe went down to peru, and we did it. >> jimmy: it makes you sick, right? you vomit out of your mouth, and then out of -- [ light laughter ] >> jmyokay, all right. ah, yeah. spoilers.
but you started llucinating and started thinking of memoes and things like tha wow. you talkll this through. i'm so -- it's so interested in watching you dthis because i'm likethis is crazy. who else would do something like thi exactly. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: itas gutsy and cool. >> andetflix paid for it. thank you, guys. [ chee and alause ] best job i ever had in my li. >> jimmy: educational,ut gosh, ist funny. re so fuy. we he a ip. this is the "chelsea does." it's a cp where you' doing couples ssagth a a stranger. [ light lahter ] just watch it. >> you say thank you to yo partner. thank you. >> thank you. >> i'm going to demo what want you tdo. mai touch your arm? >> mm-hm >> you're going to just touch as lightly and as slowly, in a a way that allows you to pick up the most infoation that you can.
so on a scale om 1 to 10, what does that feel like? >> a six. >> so then the question is, whatld make it a 9? hase do we have? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jim: that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and alause ] our thanks to chelsehandle "clseaoes" premieress saturday on netflix. fred armisen joins me afr the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheersnd applause ] our next item isenuine "name your pcetool. this highly sought-after device from progresve can beours for... twenty grand? -no! ware gingt away for just 3 easy paymen of $4.99 plus tax! the lines are owing up! we've got deborah omoughkesie. flo: yeah, no, it's flo. you guys realize anyone can use the "ne your pce" ol for fr on progressive.com, righ [ laughing nervously ] [ pickles whines ]
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ea wcoremin, everybody! [ cheers [ cheers a alause ] >> jimmy >> jimmy: oh, hi. >> hi. , hi. >> jimmy: hi. armise you're hereman. >> i'm here. hi. >> jimmy: this is what i'm talking abt. ed armisen. lo. hi. [ british acce] >> jimmy: now, howou doing? how you doin mate? >> i'm dng a right. ve being in new york city. nilace. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's great pce. >> it's real nice. >>immy: great peop. people beingice to each otr. long what we'rdoing and enjoying being eh other's mpan [ lahter >> is that what yo love? yeah it's tooolight? [ laughter ] really cold. need le a jacket. >> jimmy: no, i don't thinso.
jacket, don't. [ laughter ] >> cause you'rinside. >> jimmy: right. >> right >> jimmybut if you're outside, then of course you ar aacket. you do what you must, you know? >> right. u do what you need. >> jim: u whayou st. >> youo what you have to. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: keep going here. >> tha you. [ eers and applause ] >> jimmy: do whatever you have to do. >> thank you. jimmy: doou remember when you started doing voices, and you could stt ing different acces. >> yeah. >> jimmy: cause we used to play all the time when we we're o nl and yocod do all the beatles. you're the operson i eve t ere you could do all the beats. [ brisaccent >> there'sohn. there's paul, you know. >> jimmy: wa, wait, paul's moreyehe's more bubb. [ laught you know,t's changing, too. it's changina t. >> jimmy: yeah >> y know? [ ughter you know ye >> jimmy: yeah. of course, yeah. >> y >> jimmy: no, you the one wh said it. you said itirst. >> jimmy: yeah, you said it first. >> and ringo, pee and love. he ringo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: different type of -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: use they're al from lerpool. >> yeah.
>> but you know when you were a a kid. like, he's just like- th was like the first, that was one of the fir people i remember having that aent. >> jimmy: yeah. i ver realizedhat u uld do allifferent -i s ke, ohyeah. caus one poiverye justaid, "oh, the beatles, they all sound like that." >>ea but then there's it's like there's a fine way to do it. >> jimmy: yeah accents. [ laughter ] and i have been working on the unit states in genal. jimmy: oh, grt. >> si've been doing the utherntas,ou kno like alabama and louisiana and texas. i can do any cit can do any region, anywher in the south now so iyou me a part of t south,an do it. >>immy: oh, my gosh. well louisiana i'love to hear tha [ louisiana accent ] >> lisiana that's more he. losiana, it't a kinda rounded, it's got a kinda round, kinda something kda regal about it. louisian >> jimmy: let mewitch it up for u. arkansas. [ arkansas accent ] >> arkansas, that's got nd of a mo percuive. [ laughter ] arkansas, kindf -- is pulledack after th consonant. so arkansa arkansas. [ applause ] thank yo they'rvecussive. jimmy: based on it. >> yh. >>immy: no. >> eert.
do the town. >> jmybased on anything. a part theown. >> do a part of the -- now, tennessee's got that, they're thinking. [ ughter ] tennessee got a thought. they're thinking about it. they're thng aboutt. they're thinking. >> jimmy: stop saying they're thking about it. >> tre thinkg about it. louisia's rounder. >> jim: no, no, yeah. [ laughter ] >> tennessee, they're thinking. louisiana. tennese. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. these are al >> they're thinking. >> jimmy: these are amazing. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: i want to -- [ cheers and appla] >> jim: now you can do all thesplaces. >> yeah. want to lk about, is it "mas mejor?">> yeah. [ ughter ] >> jimmyis it? >> there's so much spash tonit. th is eat. >> jimmy: there's t of panol, yeah. [ laht
[ laught [ laughter ] >>my: all different regions. you' doing all dferent region >> anywhere in latin america. i can do it. >> jim: but what is mejor?" it a new type of comedy oject yore doing. >> yeah, it's just a spanish language or latino-based comedy. >> jimmy: are you ing with it horatio sanz? he inlvedt all. >> that's business. at's a personal -- laughter ] like, you know. >> jimmy: yore on a talk show. yore on a talk show. >> yeah, but >>immy: nothgs -- >> yea but it's just me and you. >> jim: noit'sot. it's everydy he. [ and applae >> that's eaveroppg. >> jimmythat's eavesopping. >> yesthey are. >> jimmy: that's right. they're eavesdropping a little bi >> they are liening in. i don'mind but this is a a private nversation. >> jimmy: but i'excited about this project. >> yeah. we're justyou know, we mada a couple veo horatio and i. horatisanz let's give it up for horatio. [ cheers and appuse ] yeah. yeah.
i beinthe worst talk show host ever. i don't know why i'm doing that. >> yeah. i know. you were just toldhat you wee be. >> jmy: i know but, yoknow, i love you so i like to see where you'reonna go. >> i lovyo too. love you, too. >> jimmy: t you and horatio, of course. i ve horatio. >>e made some videos a i'm also finding some comedians out there. i went txico city, which is a great place. >> jimand u found some comedians over the? [ lauger ] no, okaywell, not really. >> no, i d. >> jim: we can cut a this. >> rlly did. >>immy: we c cut all ts out. let's go bac >> let go ba. >> jimmy: thank you r comi on t show. [ lahter ] thanks for being her man. haven't seen you in il >> what's , man. >> jimmy: haven't en you ia a while. >>aven't seen you in a long ti. you look good. >> jimmy: you look fantast. how's the show going? >>im: how you ing? >> you have so guests? yeah, i'm good. jmy: how you doing, man?e you had lot of guests? >> jimmy: hey, are you happy? ught ] >> goods to see you man. yolook good. >>immy: what's up, man. yeah, i look good? >> you look good. >> jimmy: thks a lo >> you look pret > >>re you happy?
>> jimmy: you look good. "ptlandia" i you'ree movi and you got this show. >> jimmy sothg. >> what? >> jmy: hey, a y happy? [ laughter ] because you do have a lot of greathings going on. "zoolander 2." >> tt's right. >> jimmy: you got "mas mejor >> yeah. >> jimmy: anyou ha "porandia." now this is, come on. now, what season are you gs in? >> season x. [ eers and applause ] >> jimmy: season six. unbelievable. carrie brownstein. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you guys are fantastic tother. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i only got to see the first three episod me me laugh. [ laught ] i couldn't. i'm tired. you know i like toinge wat. comen, man. >> i have a real question for you. >> jimmyyeah. >> when you watch things, how do you watch them? do you watch them on a lapp, on t how do youo it? >> jimmy: on televion. yeah. i have a dvd. uh-hu >> jimmy: that your publist oromeone ges me. >> uh-huh. jimmy: your manager. what's your mager's na agn? corky. >> david mckiny smith dr. zayes jr. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a long name. >> yea >> jimmy: you've been working with him for yea. >> he is lovely. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> he's 91.>>immy: 91. not really in the entertainment business. >>ot in the entertainment business. swt as can be. >> jimmy: yeah. he was your pediatrician. [ laughter ] why would you hired hi be your manager? >> because he brought me to health. >> jimmy: doesn't matter. >> he broughme to health. jimmyhe bht me to alth. >> he helpede. heed me -- jimmyhe fedou thrgh a a bird fder. >> baby fo. >> jimmy: baby bird feeder. >> baby bi feeder. i was baby and a became an ult because of my diatrian. who's nomy manag. jimmyhe's 91, hpy birthday. [ cheers and appla] happy birtay, davi i hope he's having areat one. no, he's upstairs? he's upstairs. happy birtay, david. [ laughter he's upstairs watching the show whwouldn't he comeow y wouldn't he co down and watch the show he's up there. he woun't co down th stairs and watch. >> no, because it'his birtay. >> jimmy: happy birtay, david. >> it's his birthday >> jimmyah. that's for you, david. >> we got him cake. he's upstas. got a beautiful cake. a muy cake. >> jim: th's his favorite cake, shy. anyways, "portlandia," oh, gosh. [ lahter ]
it'seally super per, unbelievably funny. all sorts of different fun sketches. >> that's right. >> jimmy: the one thini liked about was there's one where u goo a concert, in virtual reality. >> yeah. >> jimmya drone goes in your ace to the concert. and it really, it's groundbreaking, different, and fun. >>ea >> jimmy: and i just love it. i want to show a clip. this is a clip, i learned sign language. we did a wle sketch in sig language, ameran sign langge. >> jimmy: oh, that's great. >> so took these class. >> jimmy: you actually did learnesign language? >>eah, and thietch is about i'm looking r my charger. you know that thing when you buy a charger and it jusgets lost in e mix everywher >> jmy: yeah. >> s i'm looki for my charge >> jimmythere you go. here's a clip of fd doing sign language on the show.
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you can cook spaghetti. but what would you say is your greatest talent? >> i would sayhat greatest talent is i can, if i hear lyrics, i can interpret them exactly. >> jimmy: this is what you want to show ever tonight. you can interpret the lyrics to any so. even a mad song? >> any song. >> jimmy: any song? >> any song. jimmy: any song? >> anyong. [ lahter ] >> jimmyyou know what that means, is timeor "toght show" instant song analysis. [ cheers and applause ] tonight show inant so analysis [ cheers a applause ] >> jimmy: so here's how this works. i'm ing to start singing a a short made up song, and you're going to give me a critical interpretation of the lyrics to my song. sound good? >> okay, y. >> jimmy: here we go. boy meets girl they fall in love they buy a house then they buy a horse and that'when things
[ cheers appuse ] >>hat is -- that's beautiful. so house and horse right? we're all thinking, wow, house, horse, why did hput those lyri in? whthose words? you thk,h, it's cause they're "h" words. it's not as simple as that. [ laughter ] because to sompeople, a house is a horse. you know what i me? there arpeople who -- or something? [ laughter ] >> something like that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but think of the rdorse. i ink at you're saying is you think of it as an, you know, an acronym, horse. you know, the beginning. so it'be like, "y,ver, really?" [ laughter ] , everybody. >> jimmy: so, you thght i meant, hey, over, ally, so, everybody. >> everydy. tt's likeou know en you say that when you're in frt your house? it's that kind of thing.
>> yes, yeah. [ ding ] >> jimmy: that's correct. that is good. [ cheers and applause ] ulyou like to try? you do a song. ani'll try to see if i have the samealent that you have. >> oy. >> jimmy: i'llry to interpret the lyrics. cck, chk. this is not part of the so. check, checkeck, check. >> jimmy: is it really not part of the song? cue two cue two [ laughter ] there were 23 cousins 23 cousi 23 csi and all othem had a crew cut a cw cut and thdaisiethey fall like rain like grain laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. wow. >> thank you. [ cheers and applae ] >> jimmy: i do knothis. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: this is what i think you mean by this.
>> yeah. >> jimmy: and one of the unr cousins arted s ow hair cutting business, like a a supercs. >> this is great, yeah. >> jimmy: and thaid, "well what styles can you do jasper?" [ laughter ] and i know you didn'get up t those lyrics yet but and he said, "i can do a cr cut, i guess." [ laughter ] aney go, "showt to me." and he dt. that was so cool. so second cousin came up. >> yeah. >> jimmy sd, "whattyles can yodo, sper?" "i cano a crew cut." anhe did it. >> uh-huh. jimmy: and 's so cool. >> yeah. >> jimmy: thenhe third cousin - laughter ] [ ding ] >> jimmy: thank you. >>hat's extly right. [ eers and applause ] >> jimmy: if it was raining, it'd be not good. i got the first half of the right. i got thfirst half. >> you go it so ght. yohave a rl talent for this. >> jimmy: no let me t because i didn't get it as good as you did. >> okay. >>im: let me tryne more.
if i hear a ck qck, that [ quacking ] good. then -here we go. [ ears throat ] there a littlboy threw a coin in the fountain thers a little boy and he lives n the mountain there's a lileoy he's says heikes counting one two three four fi [ cheers a alause ] i know what thiis. >>immy: you do, yeah. >> is the little boy warren beatty? [ laughter ] is it? >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. yosee where i am already. >> yeah. and i'm ei the coin, rou, it's like a film canister. those are his films. so he's getting the fi, and it's a fountain. a founta. the untain il.a. that's lika stet there. so he's in hollywood 'sivg it to the studio. , he wants it ansfs to dvd. he wan hisilms transferr to dvd am i -- i dot ow if i'm righ >>immy: yes! yore exactly right. 100% correct. [ chrsndppla] you ve got an unbelievable talent.
thank you. >> jimmy: thank you very much. that's allheime we have for stant song analysi >> jimmy: fredrmisene new seas of "porandia" premieres this thursy at 10:00 p.m. on ifc. we'll be right back with mario tali, everybody. [ cheers andpplause ] i have asthma. .one of ny pieces my life. so whemy asthma sytoms kept comingack ony lo-terntromedine, i talk to my doctor and found a missing piece in my thma treatment on-daireo prentshmasympms. eo ir ad asthmwell control a lonterm ahmcontro dicine, like an inhaled coosteroid. wonlace aescueinhale r suddreathing problem breo opens up ays elp improveainfor full hour eo conins type omedici that increases the rk ofeath from asthma problems and maincrea thek of hospilization in chdren and adolescents breonot for people whose thma is welltrold on a long-terasthma control medine, li ainhaled corticteroid.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybod we a joined ght now byne of the best chefs in the world. he's a multiple james beard award wier, best-selling author. just last week, he opened mario by mary at theennsy food hall here in new york city. pleaseelcome our pal, mario batali [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mario by mary. how are you? good. good to see u, brother. u know i love you. yoknow frearmisen. >> fred: how are you? >> i know fred armisen. we're all frnds. >> jimmy: pal, i've gotta k, what is pennsyy penn station? what is this thing? >> pennsy is a foohall createinde the pennsylvania station ea. by michael coron with my crazy friends mary a ryan juliani. we set up thisool mario by mary caterg thg inhe middlef it. the's palafrda, there's nnamon snail. there's alkinds -- there's mark forgione, there's a place
delicious food. >> jimmy: what do you do there in mario by mary? you do what? >> you can eat a drink. [ cheers andpplause ] >> jimmy: yes, l's do this right now. >> okay. >> jimmy: fred, you're goi to make us a drink? >> fres going to make us a a drink. >> jmyokay, good. >> which is basically tomato soup, because it's so cold out. and we'rgoing to go like this. i took a lite anyalote of this and to me of these soup i've added the addition of vodka. cause tomato and vodka have goneogether -- >> perfectly. >> lthe bible and christianity. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: l gh now, buddy, we are doing -- whato you call it? let's do -- we're doing a a grilled cheese off, okay? >> yes >> jimmy: now, here's -- what is your secret ingredient? i'll tell you mine. >> my secr ingredient is black truffles, my friend. they're gointo make me a er. about you, jim? what's yours? jimmy: ne is wonder bread. [ lit ughter ] erican chee, bacon crumblesand maple rup in thbutter when you cookt. see,hat's the reactionou wa. lighlaught ] see, you got the thing, the truffle. >> thathe acti you get from a bunch of ople who thinjimmy fallon is running
jmy: that'sot true. i can't even g this eese out of here. >> if th reallkn tt they had a cnctoet a a little b ofoina and a lile bitf gruyere on t of black truffles. black trufe honey on a a grillecheese sandwich. cheersndppuse ] on magnifint sourdough bread made by an artisan. this ia sandwich that would make all those crazy pple in "portlandia"appy. >> jim: fred, which one would yogo with? youno would you goith mine or marios? just say mine. light laughter ] >>red: you want meo sa yours? >> jimmy: s, please. fred: how about both of them? uld half anhalf. >> jimmy: thanksfr. >> a wise, wise man. >> jmy: i'm gonna put a a little -- i'm telling u, quest is going toreak for this. >> quest is gog to freak? the sweetness component in yours is? >> jimmy: is maple. >> maple sup. >> jimmy: yeah. >> like from theiner? light laughter ] wherwe got that con, right? >> jim: no, om the great trees of vermont. >> all right. mine is a honey made from live bees, participants in the ve aglture. >> jimmy: mine is from a human beg -- >> you're t putting any butter on that? >> jimmy: sucked the saput of -- i did put butter on it. at are you doi? don't eak out.
ho on. >> your cheese is melting. because, you know why? h an artifially low temperature because it's not made of milk. [ light laughter ] don't you find that to be a a problem, sir? jimmy: i find it to be delicious, my friend. american cheese -- >> jimmy: delicious. >> it's close to cheese as head is to this. >> jimmy: crumble mcgee, there go. stick around, we'll see o th winner is on "the tonight show" grilled cheese coooff when we comeack. [ cheers and applae ] mao batalieverybody.
[ cheersnd applause ] >> jimmy: judg, all right. we're back with the one and only mario batali, everybody. look at his new place right here. [ cheers and applause ] "mario by ma." now, this is a moment of truth to see who the wner "the tonit show" grilled cheese cook-off is. questle, do u to have the blindfold on when you've havinghe bite or off? >> questlovekeep it off.ke it on. jim: keep i. >> questlove: keep it . >> jimmy: ah, yeah. >> that'right. you're wried about my superior presentatiocrushing you. >> jimmy: no, no. it's good. it's going to bereat. [ light laughter ] qutlove, you wt the have first one? ye, i'll hold this one. yeah. so you can't hear anything. here we go. now, i want to --
you the ndwich. ready? >> questlove: ay >> jimmy: all right. here you g >> with the sandwich, you have to give him that sp you made, right? >> jimmy: yeah, ah. he'll have the soup. here's the sich. hot. >> questlove: okay >> te a bite of that. >> jimmy: take a bite of that guy. got some juiciss in there. >> and here's is. >> questve: swee okay. >>t's a little drop of honey on that i'm gusing that jimmy put on, right? >> jimmy: yeah. i gus that maybe mariout some on. >> andhas the toto sou that gs with the aotti. >> questlove: okay. >>hat goes with it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> questlove: i like this. >> jimmy: yeah, 's pretty go. >> questlove: it's dope. >> jimmy: yeah, it good thanks. yeah could go either way. >> take the so back and we'll bring that bk y when you have it afr the sandwich. >> jimmy: take a bof that. yeah get lo of that guy >> questlove: okay. >> jimmy: yeah, talk to [ laughter ] ing for another bite, maybe. >> qstlove: there's bacon in here. [ light laughter ]