tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS November 29, 2016 10:35pm-11:37pm MST
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>> "choke it down," now available everywhere. >> is the( bleep ) exit over here? >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes sting! thandie newton! featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( p >> stephen: hey! hey, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) hey, everybody!
thank you down here, up there! nice to see you! nice to be seen. thank you! ( audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: oh, that's nice. that's nice. thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) you're very kind. welcome to "the late show," everybody. thank's so much. welcome to the "late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. hey, so this is all still happening. donald trump is really going to be the next president. ( audience booing ) yeah, you have been reading my journal. for a while, i was poking myself with a straight pin to try and wake up from this, but now i just keep doing it to feel something.
intelligence briefing known as "the book," making it the only book he owns that doesn't have his picture on it. ( laughter ) and, today, the transfer of power began, when president obama hosted trump at the white house for the most surprising remake of "guess who's coming to dinner." ( laughter ) didn't see that one. ( cheers and applause ) i didn't see that one coming. >> jon: i didn't see that on ( laughter ) >> stephen: can you imagine, just put yourself in that room, in that private room when they were together. can you imagine? awkward! ( laughter ) the first african american president sitting down with a president-elect who was endorsed by the klan? a guy who spent five years, created his political career, demanding obama prove where he
what did they talk about? what was the tour like? ( as obama ) "all right, donald, this is the blue room, over there is the red room, and down that hall is the office i said you were fundamentally unfit for. library's downstairs." ( laughter ) now, getting trump up to speed for the new job might be a challenge because he will be the first u.s. president to have never held any elected office or served in any branch of the military. in fact, donald trump is so privileged that the first job ever had to apply for was president of the united states. ( laughter ) obama-- i think it's-- have you watched obama? have you heard him yesterday? have you seen him today? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: you've got to give it up for the guy. it's amazing. he's being so good! ( cheers and applause ) i've never been prouder. that must be the most amazing thing he's ever done. he's being so good about this transition that his team even made a special multimedia
executive branch and the legislative. ? i'm just a bill yes, i'm only a bill ? and i'm sitting here on capitol hill ? ? >> stephen: ? oh, it's a long, long way-- ? ? they let him take it home, of course. he's going to need a few repeat viewings to get it all down. they also taught him what a conjunction was. ( laughter ) ? interjection! ? of course-- i've got to breathe every so often. this all good fun, but i've got to take a couple of deep breaths every so often or i'm going to pass out. ( laughter ) now, trump wasn't alone. future first lady melania was there for a private meeting with michelle obama, to ensure the peaceful transition of speeches. and-- ( laughter and applause ) very important! with pride. america, america is the envy of the world in that regard. so those are like the headliners.
the incoming president. but to be honest, my heart sincerely goes out to everyone who works at the obama white house. i can't imagine how hard this must be. and i don't have to imagine it, because there's this picture of the white house staff watching as obama congratulated trump yesterday. a picture is worth a thousand words, none of which i'm allowed to say on cbs. ( cheers and applause ) after the meeting, trump and obama spoke in front of the press from the oval office, where trump was seated with a bust of m.l.k. looming over his shoulder. okay, obama put that there. when he got in, when he got in there, the bush people had-- who did they have? churchill.
when obama came in, he replaced it with a bust of martin luther king. when trump comes in, he's going to replace that with a bust of the burger king. ( laughter ) president-elect trump thought the meeting went very well. >> this was a meeting that was going to last for maybe ten or 15 minutes, and we were just going to get to know each other. we had never met each other. the meeting lasted for almost an hour and a half. >> stephen: that's right. it was supposed to be just ten minutes, but trump demanded the "long form." ( laughter ) after the meeting-- yeah. ( laughter ) after the meeting, press secretary josh earnest went into more detail. >> president obama came away from the meeting with... renewed confidence. ( laughter )
>> stephen: i've got to say, his answer does not give me... renewed confidence. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but, we did-- but, we did get some reassurance from r.n.c. chair and trump pocket elf, reince priebus. priebus told reporters, "donald trump is taking this very seriously." well, i got to say, the fact that reince priebus found it necessary to say that out loud gives me... renewed confidence. ( laughter ) ( applause ) just like i'd have if i was on a plane and, right before takeoff, the pilot hopped on the intercom and said, "ah, this is your
take flying this plane very seriously." ( laughter ) ( applause ) and-- there is proof trump's taking it seriously because he has already put up a new transition website with the name: www.greatagain.gov. he's got a dot gov! that is one of the most disturbing thing i've ever seen on the internet, and i've be ( laughter ) and "greatagain.gov" shows just how seriously trump is taking the new gig, starting with a page that says "help wanted," which is how a lot of people feel right now. ( laughter ) and if you, yourself, out there, if you're looking for work, they are all ready to hire. the site says they need "4,000 presidential appointees, including positions with and without senate confirmations." they also put up this flyer: "government wanted: no experience needed.
and-- just tear that off-- and the website also shows how serious trump is about fulfilling the central campaign promise of his hat, because there's a form you can fill out to answer the question, "how do you want to make america great?" oh, oh, oh, ah-- maybe, elect someone who already knows how to do that! ( cheers and applause ) can we fill that in? is that-- i don't know if we-- >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: now-- now, when it comes to filling cabinet positions, trump has cast a wide net, starting with donald trump, jr. hey, hey, don, sr.? if you're trying to tone down the whole "dictator" thing, maybe don't give a cabinet position to your son, kim jong trump. ( laughter ) it's a little on the nose, okay? and there's more.
attorney general is rudy giuliani. ( audience reacts ) excuse me. i've got, i've got something i need to do here. excuse me one second. attention, black people. attention, black people. starting january 20, please build an extra 30 minutes into your daily schedule for the nationwide stop-and-frisk. ( laughter ) and, for sec-- ( laughter ) vomiting over a microphone. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and-- guys, it's probably not going to happen, because this is just a prop. it's not connected to anything. ( laughter ) and for secretary of state, trump is considering former speaker of the house and angry sack of ricotta cheese, newt gingrich. ( laughter ) ( audience reacts ) that's not bad. i've got to say, that one is not bad. i personally could support sending newt gingrich out of the country.
and for secretary of agriculture, trump is considering texas' sid miller, who caused a firestorm just days ago, after his campaign's official twitter account referred to hillary clinton as a "c word." ( audience reacts ) folks, i believe that kind of language has no place in our political discourse... is something i would have said 48 hours ago. ( applause ) now, for education secretary, insiders are speculating that among those who may be on the short list is creationist surgeo. ( audience booing ) so-- no, no, get ready for the new history textbooks, "( bleep ) i made up about egypt." but hey, hey! ( applause ) ( piano riff ) ( laughter ) keep it light! but hey, don't worry, ladies. you're not left out. you'll be represented in trump's
palin. ( audience reacts ) ( as palin ) "yep, how's that hopey changey stuff goin'? drill, baby, drill. forget about yosemite park, yosemite sam now uncle sam. sam i am. don't go bugging, tree hugging bloggers because i'm calling the loggers. we're frackin' old faithful, you're going be grateful, executions in the sports stadiums. arrest your enemies. tie a typewriter around his neck, what the heck, shoot him, he's getting away. tag, trig, trip, knick knack, paddywhack, tick tock out of wedlock, give your dog a bone, e.t., phone home, snow machine." ( cheers and applause ) god, she's exhausting! ( laughter ) and, what? i'm being told the grand canyon has committed suicide. it jumped into itself. ( laughter ) that's right. trump's plan to drain the swamp of corruption means bringing
gingrich, and palin. makes sense. they're exactly what i'd expect to find at the bottom of a drained swamp. ( cheers and applause ) now, if you're one of the small minority of the majority of voters who didn't vote for trump, just remember-- all through the campaign, he assured us that he was going to surround himself with the best and the brightest. people for the job. i would use the greatest minds. we are going to have the smartest, the best negotiators in the world, and i know most of them and, believe me, i know people you have never heard of who are better than the ones that you did hear of. >> stephen: oh, good, oh, good, because the ones i did hear of are a pile of garbage. and then-- ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) and then, we're not done! then there's trump's white house staff. i know i am super excited to find out what role there is for
she was trump's campaign director of african american outreach. oh, newsflash: the trump campaign was doing african american outreach. and evidently, hiring omarosa was all of it. well, on election night, we got a glimpse of the future when, after hearing that former republican candidate lindsay graham did not vote for donald trump, omarosa told a reporter, "it's so great our enemies are making themselves clear so that, when we get in to the white house, we know whe w exercising their right to and the freedom to choose who they want. but let me just tell you, mr. trump has a long memory, and we're keeping a list." ( audience reacts ) wow. an enemies list. they went from zero to nixon in no time flat. ( applause ) now, that's all worth noting. that's worth noting, because some people in late night have said one or two things that were critical of donald trump. ( laughter )
heat of election night, right? so, surely, if omarosa did more of a sit-down interview, she wouldn't paint the trump administration as some vindictive predator savoring its chance to use the office of the president for payback. >> every critic, every detractor, will have to bow down to president trump. it's everyone who's ever doubted donald, who ever disagreed, who ever challenged him. it is the ultimate revenge, to become the most powerful man in the universe. >> stephen: it was sam bee and seth myers! they're the ones who said all those horrible things about you! i was just joking the whole time. all hail our glorious leader! giant hands! you've got giant hands! you're going to be great! ( cheers and applause ) ...is what a pussy would say.
( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) wait a second here. wait a second. wait a second. ( audience chanting stephen ) sit down, sit down, sit down! stick around, everybody. sting is here! sting! thandie newton! don't go away! ( cheers and applause ) jon batiste! ? ? as soon as i became a parent i changed as a person, drastically. ?
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? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back! thank you, eddie! jon batiste, everybody. say happy birthday to jon batiste, ladies and gentlemen. happy birthday, jon! >> jon: thank you! >> stephen: i hope you have a very, very happy and blessed one. thank you for being here. the gift is that you're here tonight. ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is a 16-time grammy award winner. he's releasing a new album tomorrow called "57th & 9th." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the great sting! ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ?
>> stephen: welcome to the show. >> what a lovely welcome. that sounded very scottish, didn't it? >> stephen: yeah. any old style over there. welcome to the show. nice to see you. i haven't seen you in a few years. >> that's true. >> stephen: as a matter of fact, the last time i saw you, i think, was at your 60th birthday concert, the beacon? >> the beacon theater, five years ago. >> stephen: yeah, five years ago. you're 65 years old. ( cheers and applause ) >> yeah. i'm proud. >> stephen: as a man who's 52, you go to hell. ( laughter ) i want to tell you, on the drive home, i was with my wife on the drive home and you're wearing something like this the whole time, a mesh kind of shirt. and on the drive home and my wife super-casually, as if she just thought of it, she goes, "have you-- have you ever thought about doing yoga?" ( laughter ) okay, so thanks, thanks for that. the election just happened.
now? >> no, not at all. we had a similar shock in june when 52% voted brexit. i voted to stay. and now we-- >> stephen: all you're going to do is destroy the european union. >> true, but we're right in the middle of a constitutional crisis that no one is smart enough to figure out. >> stephen: what is it? >> because the warlords decided that parliament has to debate the terms of leaving. and the people who wanted to they wanted to bypass parliament. so it's really complicated. >> stephen: oh, so it's not, like, written down someplace? if you want to get out, put slot a in tab b and you're out of the european union? >> no, it's far more complicated than just saying yes or no. it's a diabolical problem. >> stephen: wow. so you have to get all that figured out ahead of time. probably a good idea for us over here, too. ( laughter ) but you don't live in london? >> no, i live in new york. i live here.
>> stephen: what is it you love about new york? london is a great town. why do you live over here? >> i love new yorkers. ( cheers and applause ) they're very up front. and they see you-- i walk on the street a lot, and they see you, say "hi, sting, i like your music," "you suck," whatever, you know, but it's a very direct, comfortable relationship we have. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, your new album is called "57th & 9th," right there, and there you are at the corner of 57th and 9th. why did you call the album that? >> i live on the upper west side, and my studio's in "hell's kitchen." and i walk to work every day. and on the way, i have to stop at 57th, because it's a two-way street, traffic is busy, cab drivers trying to kill you, as you know. and i would just use that time to do a little meditation on corner, and think about the work i'm doing in the studio, about
living here in the city. cross the road, go to work, and on the way back have the same meditation, so i thought it was a very useful point in the day to take stock. >> stephen: you know what i love about new york? you can walk around the city and you've got a pretty good chance of going, "hey, don't stare, but that's sting meditating over there on the corner." ( laughter and applause ) that's what i like about new york. you can see all kinds of things here. this album, people are calling this, like, a return to rock for you, like, your first rock album in ten years? >> yes, it is. i play rock and roll every night of my working life, but in the past ten years i have been making more esoteric records. >> stephen: hurdy-gurdy. hurdy-gurdy. >> i played that once. >> stephen: i liked it. i'm a huge-- i'm a madrigal fan. >> me, too. but i was just following my curiosity, i was just following my muse because i can. but i like to surprise people. i like people to go, "oh, wow! i didn't expect that!"
record has received, so i feel it's already a success. >> stephen: people often ask me, "wow, you meet all these famous people. are you ever intimidated by, you know, celebrities or politicians or anything like that?" and i always say, the only people who really intimidate me are musicians, even nice ones who are easy to talk to, like you. because you do something that's magical, something that i don't understand. and i want to quote you, to see if you can explain this to me: "song writing is much like trying to catch a wild animal. you cannot kill the beast. you have to somehow trick him into being captured, and you can never use the same trick twice." what are some of the tricks? what is the magic that you use? >> i would get home from the studio at night with a song structure, only a song structure, and on the walk home, i would be thinking, how am i going to make this into a song? so i get home to my home on central park west and lock myself out on the terrace in the freezing cold, and i wouldn't be
i had finished a lyric. it's madness, but-- >> stephen: yeah, true. >> you put yourself out of a comfort zone so that you can create. you have to write yourself out of the problem, and the song you'll hear tonight is exactly that song, it's about freezing cold, about hunting for-- ( laughter ) --hunting for inspiration in the cold. you will hear it. >> stephen: if you locked yourself in the closet, would the song be about, it's hot and cramped? >> yeah, it would. haven't written that one yet. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, we've got to take a little break,ut be right back with more sting. stick around, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ? you've done your research, and you know it's a good time to refinance. but you've put it off until you can make the time to call the bank and gather all the paperwork. sure, you could spend the next few days
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is there a song you wouldn't necessarily recommend to our audience? people out there who might feel bad about what's about to come, or the ending of the obama administration or anything like that? >> i've got a song called "fragile," which is how i'm feeling at the moment. ( applause ) >> stephen: right. ( cheers and applause ) i've got one-- how about "can't stand losing you?" >> yeah. >> stephen: so, not only do you ve regular new yorker's life. as you said, you walk around, people see you, you don't avoid them. you told us what part of the city you live in-- i don't recommend that. but you also, i also understand you go to spin class. >> i do. >> stephen: some of the people who work here actually see you in their spin class every so often. or, you know, they're in your spin class. because wherever you are, i'm sure-- it's sting's spin class. first question, obviously, for spin class. can i ask you a question? >> sure. >> stephen: do you sit in the front of the room or the back of the room?
>> yep. ( laughter and applause ) >> stephen: that's what it is. especially when you're going uphill, especially when you're going uphill, you know, working uphill. >> why not? >> stephen: what about music? like, do they play the police or your music? >> no, they never play mine. >> stephen: they don't? "message in a bottle" would be great. >> they deliberately don't. they ask me. i say, please don't do that, otherwise i will have to lip sync and spin at the same time. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, you're not-- i mean, 65-year-old man, you're in great shape. what are you wearing? are we talking the shorts, the long things? >> tights. >> stephen: tights? >> yeah. >> stephen: do you ever wear just, like, your outfit from "dune?" >> that's exactly what i'm wearing. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: just that, right there? >> you can't wear anything over those pants. >> stephen: you can't? ( laughter ) doesn't look like you're wearing anything under those pants, i'll tell you that.
you wouldn't be able to just-- what do you listen to, to relax? >> i listen to classical music. >> stephen: okay. >> i like bach. >> stephen: bach, okay. okay. do you-- can you-- do you always approach music professionally? like, when you hear it, do you always think to yourself, bach's good, but i would have done it-- i would have thrown a couple more violas in there. >> i don't listen to music to relax. it's not a relaxing thing to me. i will analyze whatever music i'm listening to, even if i don't like it, in the elevator or the restaurant. i can't have a conversation when there's music playing, because most of my brain is analyzing music. and those guys will tell you the same thing-- it's difficult. >> stephen: will you tell me the same thing? >> jon: yes, yes. >> stephen: i'm going to ask them when you're not here. ( laughter ) i'm going to ask them when you're gone, and see if they tell me the same answer. they're just being nice to you. so how on earth do you go christmas shopping? ( laughter ) >> i don't. i pay for it, but i don't actually do the shopping myself. >> stephen: is there any-- i
is that right, 16 grammys? >> give or take, i don't know. >> stephen: i've got two, you know. >> really? >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> well, awful long way to go, haven't you? ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, i'm 13 years younger, so-- >> okay! i'll be watching you! >> stephen: is there any, like, accomplishment that you're most proud of? >> well, my kids. i have six wonderful children who are fantastic. ( applause ) kn receive is when somebody comes up to me in the street, it could be in new york, and they said, "i fell in love with my girlfriend to your song," or "we got married to your song," or "we buried uncle charlie to one of your songs," and you realize that by accident, you've created the emotional soundtrack to people's lives. their emotional landscape is in the memory with your songs. and that's a wonderfully nourishing thing to hear. because, it's not why i started
to get the glory and be a star. but really-- >> stephen: and the girls. >> yeah, and the girls. but the real thing is giving people this emotional musical landscape they can use and i love that. it's the best compliment i get. ( applause ) >> stephen: well, "57th & 9th" is available tomorrow. the man is sting, everybody. we'll be right back with thandie newton. ( cheers and applause ) ? he's going to play a song! ? ( cheers and applause )
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please welcome the lovely thandie newton. ? ( cheers and applause ) ? >> thank you! hello! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's an absolutely beautiful dress you've got on there. >> why, thank you so much! >> stephen: now, i'm watching the "westworld." >> the "westworld." >> stephen: i'm watchi t >> on the hbo. >> stephen: but i'm two episodes behind, so, please, no spoilers. i haven't even gotten to the orgy yet. >> i wasn't in the orgy. >> stephen: oh, i'm so sorry? i'm not sure how that's supposed to go. >> i had a few days off, it was good. >> stephen: i'm saving the last two episodes as a treat for after the election, that and an entire bottle of bourbon. ( laughter ) now, like sting, you're from
>> yeah. >> stephen: have you talked to your friends back home at all about what's going on over here? >> well, people just don't have words, you know. >> stephen: like our president. elect! >> shock. shock. numb. >> stephen: what do they say? >> well, because we went through brexit and we're going through brexit, there is a strange unity between our two countries now. >> stephen: what do you think the common thread is between the two things? anger over change, maybe? >> change is terrifying for people. >> stephen: yeah. >> and i think it's about not knowing one another. you know, we're divided, and britain is divided and, clearly, america is divided, too. and i just don't think we really, really understood how profound it is. and it's a wake up call, and we need to find ways to bridge the gap.
because, for me, that's what i have been doing my whole life, and it's caused me-- when i was a child, it caused me pain, it caused me to feel ashamed. >> stephen: how so, in what way? >> because i was not one thing and i wasn't another thing. and i grew up in an area where there were no people of color, and i internalized people's fear, and i internalized people's ignorance, and i thought very little of myself as a result. you know, as i grew up and came to understand that, actually, that's not my feeling about myself, and if those people knew me better, they would understand, and i-- you know, because i'm not stupid, i came to also understand that it was fear, and that we should be compassionate towards people who are afraid. we should reassure them. we should find ways to communicate with them better, and i think that's what we have to do, and it's not a quick fix. it won't happen overnight. we've got to reach out and we've
hate rhetoric, because it's not just-- both sides have been using that rhetoric, and i think we have to stop doing that, you know. and i just feel compassion. i see those, you know, large numbers of people at rallies and saying awful things, and just hateful things, and i just feel deep compassion because they're lost. as soon as you treat another human badly you are self- destructing, because we are all in this together. it's the-- ( applause ) it's the butterfly complex. >> stephen: being nice to each other would be a good start. the other night, i said on the show-- >> you were wonderful the other night! >> stephen: oh, you're very nice. ( applause ) we make our jokes on the show and it's important-- it's what i do for a living, how i get through this, and hopefully people may enjoy what we do, but
poison against each other. it was nelson mandela who said holding a grudge against someone else is like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other guy. ( applause ) that's what our politics has been right now. >> yes! that comes from a mind of someone who's really clever and really has breadth and, unfortunately, there is a lot of clever. as well. that's what is happening. >> stephen: really? you seem very clever to me. you're very clever in the series the "westworld." >> the "westworld." let's all go to westworld! >> stephen: i love the series. would you want to go to westworld? >> well, here's the thing, i have a problem with that. because it's very expensive to go to westworld and i feel it should be available to
available to everybody at a decent price, i'm not going to go! >> stephen: we have a clip of your character maye, she is a host or android? >> i'm a host, now, baby. >> stephen: she is what is called a host at "westworld" and she has become aware of her reality because the hosts don't know they're androids, but your character is waking up to that reality and judging the humans who are the technicians that fix her. we have a little clip right here. >> at first, i thought you and the others were gods. then i realized, you're just men. and i know men. you think i'm scared of death.
how many times have you died? >> whoo! ( cheers and applause ) i haven't seen that before. >> stephen: you haven't seen that before? >> i haven't seen that episode. >> stephen: you should watch the series, it's very good. "westworld" airs sundays on hbo. thandie newton, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ?
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we scour the empty streets ? the fact remains until we find you our lives are incomplete ? do i hear laughter through a veil of snow and ice? ? where are you hiding on such a lonely winter's night? ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop ? i can't face living without you ? that's why i'm searching night and day ? this heart's a lonely hunter these hands are frozen fists ? i can't stop thinking about you i don't care if you exist ? do i hear laughter from behind
frozen heart of winter? ? somewhere a church bell tolls i know you're close ? your scent still warm and then the trail turns cold, cold, cold ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop wanting you this way ? i can't face living without you ? that's why i'm searching night anda ? this heart's a lonely hunter these hands are frozen fists ? i can't stop thinking about you i don't care if you exist ? do i hear laughter in the silence of the snow? ? i know you're hiding in the frozen heart of winter
i know you're close ? your scent still warm then the trail turns cold, cold, cold ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop wanting you this way ? i can't face living without you ? that's why i'm searching night and day ? this heart's a lonely hunter these hands are frozen fists i don't care if you exist ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop wanting you this way ? i can't face living without you ? i can't stop wanting you ? ? ( cheers and applause )