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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  July 24, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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captioning sponsored by cbs >> you've seen olympian michael phelps race a great white shark. now shark week continues as senate majority leader mitch mcconnell takes on a great white to see who can pass healthcare legislation first. mcconnell versus shark! who will repeal and replace obamacare? mcconnell has years of legislative experience, but the shark has experience repealing samuel l. jackson. find out when the great white shark meets the great grey turtle. only on shark week. mcconnell versus shark! the battle for healthcare supremacy begins right -- oh,
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no, mcconnell was just eaten. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes paul bettany, laura benanti and musical guest tyler the creator, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: nice. that's nice. nice. ( cheers and applause ) hey, everybody! welcome. welcome to the "late show." imyouim-- i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) who watched the shark thing? i did.
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any of you guys watch it over there? >> jon: i didn't see it. >> stephen: it was amazing. and it wasn't real. but it was amazing. but i like a little break from reality right about now. 'cause have you seen reality? it's scary. there's blood in the water, and there are a lot of sharks circling the white house. anyway, they lied to us. >> jon: oh, oh... >> stephen: speaking of lying, sean spicer. ( cheers and applause ) look how much they miss you, sean. on friday, spicer resigned as white house press secretary. ( cheers and applause ) he wanted to spend more time not answering his family's questions.
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( laughter ) and like you people out there -- i am going to miss him. even from his humble beginnings as the easter bunny, we knew how special sean was going to be. spicer quit on friday because trump appointed a new communications director, former hedge fund manager and lawyer whose ad is above the urinal, anthony scaramucci. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) of course, when it comes to scaramucci, there's only one question everybody's asking: >> scaramouche! scaramouche! will you do the fandango! >> stephen: yes. that. by which we mean, what's it like working in the white house communications office? >> thunderbolts and lightning! very, very frightening! >> stephen: sounds about right. now, i think this is not a good sign for the trump administration. six months in, you're already
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adding a new crazy character. scaramucci's like adding scrappy doo or chachi. to happy days. ( laughter ) he's even got an adorable nickname. >> the mooch. >> the mooch. >> the mooch. >> the mooch. >> mooch. >> the mooch. >> stephen: "ay, it's the mooch ( laughter ) hey baby, can we get another round for the mooch, please?!" ( laughter ) so how did the rest of the staff feel about the addition of "the mooch?" one white house official said "we are all super happy, well most of us are." ( laughter ) ouch. that's like getting this card: "happy birthday from mom and dad." "well, mom." ( laughter ) >> jon: whoa! >> stephen: based on a true story. ( piano riff )
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not only did sean spicer resign over the mooch's hiring, but a white house insider says, "this was a murdering of reince and bannon. they said anthony would get this job over their dead bodies." that's terrible. before this, those guys were only dead on the "inside." ( laughter ) other white house staffers refer to scaramucci "as a 'joke' and as a trump-world 'hanger-on' who isn't qualified for the job." wait. have you seen the trump administration? ( laughter ) those are the qualifications for a job. i got his resume right here: "anthony scaramucci special skills: being a joke, trump hanging-on, and whacking stoolies." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: oh! hey! >> jon: hey, hey, hey... >> stephen: now, however spicer feels about him, scaramucci handled the
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transition with class, stating: >> i want to thank personally sean spicer, not only on behalf of myself, the president, the administration, but sean is a true american patriot. he is a military serviceman. he's got a great family, and he's done an amazing job. this is obviously a difficult situation to be in, and i applaud his efforts here and i love the guy and i wish him well. and i hope he goes on to make a tremendous amount of money. >> stephen: "yeah, love ya spicey. amazing job. you're going to make a tremendous amount of money while i take your paycheck. now take your shinebox and get out of here!" ( cheers and applause ) go on! >> jon: i don't shine shoes anymore! >> stephen: hey! this sunday, the mooch hit the ground running with some great ideas for press secretary and sorority girl at rave party who's ecstasy just kicked in
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( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) sarah huckabee sanders. >> i want to do everything i can to make her better at that podium, i think she's phenomenal there now, but like every athlete training for the olympics every day we got to make ourselves incrementally better. the only thing i'd ask sarah, sarah, if you're watching, i love the hair and make-up person that we had on friday, i would love to continue to use the hair and make-up person. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: oh, he's going to fit in with the trump administration just fine ( applause ) hey! and you could smile more. would that hurt so much? you're so pretty when you smile. ( laughter ) scaramucci tried to explain his comment later, saying, "for the record, i was referring to my hair and make up and the fact that i like the make up artist. i need all the help i can get! #humor."
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( laughter ) all right, take a joke, ladies. the mooch is clearly qualified for this job and i'm sure he'll do great things. #sarcasm. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) 'cause the mooch is already batting down these ridiculous russia investigations: >> you know, somebody said to me yesterday, i won't tell you who, that if the russians actually hacked this situation and spilled out those e-mails, you would have never seen it. you would have never had any evidence of them. >> you're making a lot of assertions here. i don't know who this anonymous person is that said, if the russians had actually done it, we wouldn't have been able to detect it, but it is the unanimous. >> how about it was-- how about it was the president, jake? >> okay -- ( laughter ) >> stephen: so the president is the one who told you the
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president's not in trouble? ( laughter ) and you're not going to tell us because it's anonymous source but we ask and you tell us anyway? why are we wasting that guy on communications-- he should be head of national security. "i'll never tell you our launch codes. how about three, seven, nine, six, two? okay? that's from the mooch. ( cheers and applause ) baby, can we get another round, please? i have been waiting. what's it take? can we get some bottle service to this table or what? ( laughter ) it's a surprising that trump would hire the mooch because look what he said about trump during the primaries: >> you're calling donald trump a hack politician? >> he's a hack politician. i don't like the way he talks about women. i don't like the way he talks about our friend, megyn kelly. and, you know what? the politicians don't want to go after trump because he's got a big mouth, and they're afraid he's gonna light 'em up on fox news and all the other places. but i'm not a politician. bring it.
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you're an inherited money dude from queens county. bring it, donald. >> stephen: yeah, bring it, donald, specifically those sweet butt cheeks because the mooch is ready to smooch! ( cheers and applause ) okay? and in 2016, scaramucci also wrote a scathing op-ed for fox business. and although he never mentions trump by name, he says, "we are in the midst of an ideological civil war, one pitting american values of hope, empowerment and self-reliance against defeatist attitudes of fear, entitlement and victimization." and, now, he gets to work right down the hall from fear, entitlement, and victimization. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> jon: hey, hey, hey! personified! personified! personified!
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( applause ) >> stephen: scaramucci also spent the weekend deleting embarrassing, anti-trump tweets, but he has a lot of interesting old tweets left, like this one that reads, "dance like no one is watching. sing like no one is listening. love like you've never been hurt and live like its heaven on earth.-- mark twain." ( laughter ) i'm not sure if i need to point out, that's not a mark twain quote. ( laughter ) although it does remind me of that other famous mark twain quote, "hey, now you're an all-star, get your game on, go play." ( cheers and applause ) so inspiring. so, so -- that's from huckelberry smash mouth, i think. ( laughter ) but according to the mooch the president can do just about
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anything. >> i've seen this guy throw a dead spiral through a tire. i've seen him at madison square garden with a topcoat on, he's standing in the key and he's hitting foul shots and swishing them. he sinks three-foot putts. >> stephen: "yeah, i saw him win a game of connect four with just three pieces. ( laughter ) okay? >> jon: i seen him do all kind of stuff. >> stephen: i once saw this guy, he's on the green, observe, pebble beach, i saw him hit a hole in 'none. ( laughter ) i once saw him eat a full taco bowl and then jump straight into the pool-- no cramps! ( laughter ) i mean, this man is a primo athlete, i mean, just look at him! look at that guy! oh! the mooch likes what he sees. it's smooching time!" ( laughter ) we've got a great show for you tonight. paul bettany is here. but when we return, can jared -- can donald trump pardon himself? inquiring committees want to know. stick around! ( cheers and applause )
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together, we're building a better california. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey, jon batiste and "stay human"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: please have a seat, everybody! thank you so much! welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. russia continues to be a hot topic around the white house, and trump son-in-law and guy getting a kick out of watching his neighbor's house burn down, jared kushner or the kutch --
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>> jon: hey, hey. >> stephen: that's what they call him. from now on, the mooch and the kutch! he spoke to the senate intelligence committee in a closed-door lights-on session. they wanted to know about that meeting with russians last year. and i realize that doesn't narrow things down, specifically the june 9 meeting with donald trump, jr., paul manafort, and what turned out to be all of the brothers karamozov. we don't know what was said, 'cause it's none of our business. but kushner pre-released an 11-page pre-buttal. in it, he listed all of his responsibilities during the campaign, including scheduling, communications, speechwriting, polling, data and digital teams, as well as becoming a point of contact for foreign government
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officials. he was also in charge of buying copy paper, refilling the snack drawer, reminding donald trump what his wife's name is, and taking eric to the vet when he started to molt. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) and kushner was so busy, he didn't know the meeting was about russians having dirt on hillary because, when don, jr. invited him, "that email was on top of a long back and forth that i did not read at the time." so he didn't know it was a confidential meeting about russia helping against clinton. what was the subject line again? "russia-- clinton, private confidential." "ooh, an email. skip the subject line, skip the contents... and... i'm in." so, is there a reason for them to be worried?
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who knows? who knows if the trump administration should be worried. donald trump does because, on thursday, "trump and his legal team have discussed his power to pardon those close to him including himself." ( audience reacts ) oh, yes, yes. mr. president, you should know, self-pardoning is a sin. okay? how do you think justice went blind? >> jon: oh, yeah! >> stephen: then, on saturday, trump tweeted, "while all agree the u.s. president has the complete power to pardon, why think of that when the only crime so far is 'leaks' against us. fake news." ( laughter ) >> jon: oh! >> stephen: what do you mean, "why think of that?!" you're the one tweeting about it! it's like someone going, "we all agree i have the power to take herpes medication. but why think of that?"
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( laughter ) would you like to come upstairs? ( laughter ) also, jimmy, could you go back? the only crime so far? ( laughter ) ( applause ) he's hedging a little bit. "you're honor, i plead not guilty. so far." ( laughter ) also in that tweet, trump called the russia story fake news and floated pardoning himself for it! reminds me of the new testament when the apostle judas said, "surely, 'i' will not betray you, my lord, but, if i did, you'd have to forgive me, right? that's like your whole deal. also, are you a cop? you have to tell me if you're a cop." ( laughter ) we'll be right back. with paul bettany! stick around! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ♪ the rock: hey siri, read my schedule.
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>> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back to "the late show"! i like that song. that's good. you write that? >> jon: yeah! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, folks. please welcome paul bettany! thanks for being here! thanks for being here! nice to see you again. i like this. i like the linen suit with the
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vest and tie. >> it's salush. >> stephen: that's a fancier word than i could use. >> it means drunk englishman. >> stephen: are we honored to have a drunk englishman tonight? >> not yet. ( laughter ) >> stephen: keep drinking your water. you just said you're an englishman, but after trump's inaugural, a lot of americans, i think misguidedly, wanted to leave america, thought about leaving the country. you had a different reaction. what was your reaction when you saw that? >> yeah, i decided to become a citizen. >> stephen: oh, really? ( cheers and applause ) >> i thought, after 15 years -- >> stephen: yes. -- i married an american by mistake. >> stephen: yeah. ruined my life. who was to see this coming? so i thought, you know, this country has been really good to me, and it's just, like, the
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republic that's at stake. i thought i should be able to vote. but i've got to move to florida to really make a dent. >> stephen: or ohio. yeah. >> stephen: or russia. ( laughter ) are you taking classes? because you have to pass a test, right? >> yeah, you have to do the whole biometrics thing, and they ask you things like what are the branches of government and all that. >> stephen: do you know anything about abraham lincoln? >> yeah. >> stephen: what state is he from? >> from the one where he cut wood. ( laughter ) i'll get there! >> stephen: yeah, the one state that had wood. ( laughter ) i always love to talk to actors who have successful careers now but started off a little rough and tumble. i understand you actually did one of the lowest forms of entertainment in the world. you were a busker on the streets
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of london. what is that. >> begging but like with a guitar. it's when you put your guitar case out and you play songs and hope for the best. >> stephen: you were going to be a musician originally? >> i wanted to be a guitar player but i wasn't good enough. >> stephen: who were your idols? >> i was really into people like johnny marr and thesmiths at the time. >> stephen: okay. so you were depressed. ( laughter ) >> no, he's very funny! >> stephen: he's very funny in private? ( laughter ) because i've interviewed him. >> well, that's a different matter. >> stephen: i busked. what did you play? >> stephen: it's so embarrassing to say. i did mime. >> no, you didn't! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i said it was
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embarrassing. >> can you dim the lights? >> stephen: it was me and two other friends who actually studied under a various mime teacher and we ran into each other after traveling in europe. we had no money and we said why don't we busk? we made 21-pound a day because, you know, we weren't good. but isn't it a magical sound when that pound coin, that kind of thick pound coin hit the pavement? that was a beautiful sound. >> or you, when it hit you. >> stephen: yeah, sure. ( laughter ) on discovery, there's a new series you're in called "manhunt: unabomber" where you play ted kaczynski. >> yeah. >> stephen: you're a very hand someted kaczynski. did you get to spend any time with him? ( laughter ) >> no, i didn't. >> stephen: you didn't do a ride along, a crazy-along or anything like that. ( laughter ) you know, you're an actor,
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actors do this kind of stuff. >> it's a little moot. i think the clearance to get to super max, they don't let just any english person into super max. >> stephen: you can go in there and say, i'm almost a citizen. let me in. >> i'm never becoming a citizen after this interview ( laughter ) >> stephen: how method did we get with the unabomber? >> i didn't send anybody packages. >> stephen: did you machine your own screws or live off the grid or anything like that? >> no, there's a story, i went to live in a cabin on my own. >> stephen: he lived in montana. >> he lived in montana in a 10x8 cabin. >> stephen: shack. i didn't do that. i went in a very chic, lovely cabin with a pool. >> stephen: it's the unabomber staying at a chalet. >> exactly. >> stephen: that's how you do
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it. ( laughter ) were you alone? >> i wasn't alone. >> stephen: for the whole time? >> god, no. >> stephen: jennifer visited? no, gosh, she wouldn't do that. >> stephen: okay. internet or anything? >> no, i cut out the internet. i really tried to cut out the internet because, you know, he lived alone for 20 years in this shack, in this 10x8 shack without running water. i'm in constant contact, so just taking three days to not receive an email, just turn everything off, it was really peculiar, and just be on your own. >> stephen: after three days of not (bleep). >> right. >> stephen: we have a clip here. i think this is you explaining how you won't get caught to the f.b.i. can you explain? >> agent fitzgerald played by sam worthington thinks he has all the cards. i'm informing him i have all the
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cards. how was that? >> stephen: great. jim? >> the only evidence connecting me to the unabomber attacks is found inside my cabin. the only reason the f.b.i. was legally allowed to search my cabin was because of your search warrant, but if that search warrant was issued on false pretenses or based on arguments that failed to meet the burden of proof, then all the evidence found at that location is deemed fruit of the poisonous tree. it's tainted, it's admissible, it's got to be thrown out. so if the search warrant goes, then all their mountains of evidence simply -- disappear. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: don't tell me how it ends. ( laughter ) lovely to see you again. >> good to see you. >> stephen: "manhunt: unabomber" premieres august 1 on discovery. paul bettany, everybody! we'll be right back with laura benanti.
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) folks, my next guest is a tony winner and the "late show"'s melania trump in residence, please welcome laura benanti! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) thank you. come on up. >> oh! is that nice to see you again. >> nice to see you. >> stephen: it's hard to believe, but it was around this time a year ago, because it was the republican convention in cleveland that we first asked you if you could come on here and do a melania trump
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impression. >> happy anniversary. >> stephen: thank you very much. we had you on before and noticed how much you looked like the first lady. >> how dare you, yes. >> stephen: she's a lovely person. a lovely person. what did we call you is this i seem to remember you did this on the spur of the moment. >> yes, i was here promoting she loves me, and then you mentioned i looked like her, and i never thought much about it. >> stephen: neither did we. and then the infamous plagiarized speech happened. >> stephen: it was revealed parts of the speech was taken from michelle obama's speech. >> and i was in delaware celebrating my grandma's 92n 92nd birthday. she just turned 93. ( applause ) thank you. and i appreciate you guys asked me to do it without having any understanding of whether i could do it or not. you knew i could do the face, but nobody knew i could do the accent because we never heard her speak. >> stephen: you're a broadway
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star, baby! >> that's true! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you've got that indefinable "it"! ( laughter ) so where did you work on the impression? >> so on the train, my mom and sister drove me to wilmington delaware. ( laughter ) thank you, one person. so i was on the train obsessively watching her speech and i was sitting next to this gentleman what looked very disturbed. i kept zooming in on her mouth and kept doing it and saying, like, my husband -- ( in accent) -- and he was looking at me like, this woman is insane. i thank you for not calling the police, if you're watching. i was not trying to wear her skin as a suit. ( laughter ) is that your vocal impression of the first lady is fascinating. when you don't talk, you smolder.
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can i have a hint of smolder at the camera? >> sure, sure. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: i mean, we've done her several times on the show, luckily for us, over the past year. i suppose you've thought about her as a person. to do an impression you have to sort of sympathize with a person. >> yeah, sure do. >> stephen: what's your impression of the first lady after a year? >> i feel basically we are all melania trump, we are all reluctantly married to donald trump. >> stephen: making the best of it. >> yeah, we're making the best of it. i feel like america is melania. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you can't spell america without melania. >> there's no way to know. >> stephen: no way to know. but i feel like we speak many languages, we're curvy, we have a lot in common with melania. so i do have empathy with her, but at the same time i'm, like,
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you also chose that. >> stephen: so did we. we did? >> stephen: well, the electoral college. ( laughter ) >> stephen: do you ever slip into her at a moment's notice. you're out there at starbucks and order as melania? >> no. i like the idea she doesn't know what starbucks is. she's, like, what, is it star and bucks? i like both these things. ( laughter ) ( applause ) he built her her own starbucks in her bunk where are she lives. she's the only customer. hello, phil, i'll have the usual. ( laughter ) >> stephen: your grandmother just turned 93. you and your mother do cabaret shows sometimes. your mother's a singer. >> she was an actress. when i was about two years old, she stopped acting. i had a wonderful nanny from
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cuba and one year i said, momma, you're hurting my feelings -- cuban accent -- and my mother said, i think i need to spend more time with my daughter. we recently did a cabaret show and it was the first time she'd been on stage in 34 years. ( applause ) >> stephen: amazing. yeah. >> stephen: so when you were a little girl in the house and your mom would bring over people to train singing, were you there as a little girl watching? >> yeah, i was sitting on her lap and she would tell stories where i would be on her lap listening and i would be no, no. >> stephen: you had your own private "american idol." >> exactly. you're cut. she was my voice teach arse well. she was super patient an loving. a lot of people ask what is it like to have your mom be a voice
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teacher. they assume it would be a nightmare. but my mom is such a loving, funny, hilarious person. >> stephen: she must be very good because you have the voice of an angel. >> thank you! >> stephen: lovely to see you again. thank you. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: laura benanti, everybody! we'll be right back with tyler the creator. stick around! ready, ok! when we say "study"! you say "haul"! study! haul! study! haul! when we say "study"! you say "haul"! study! haul! study! haul! everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school. what's going on here? um... i'm babysitting. that'll be $50 bucks. you said $30. yeah, well it was $30 before my fees, like the pizza-ordering fee and the dog-sitting fee... and the rummage through your closet fee.
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you know what i could go for righhmmmw? some sweet barbeque. (over speaker) - or spicy! we got a craving! go go go!!! crashing cravings in the crave van. jack's gonna crash your crave! here, try my barbeque bacon cheeseburger with your choice of sweet or spicy barbeque sauce topped with bacon and onion rings. thanks jack. ha ha! piece of cake. oh, jack! you crave it, we serve it. my new sweet or spicy barbeque bacon cheeseburger and chicken sandwich. crave van!
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! ( piano riff ) i'm excited about this. i'm excited about this next interview, jon. this should be interesting. >> jon: oh, yeah. >> stephen: because our next guest tonight is a creative powerhouse from the hip-hop world who makes music, clothing, and a whole lot of headlines. please welcome tyler the creator! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: mm-hmm. now, tyler -- >> it's cold as hell! >> stephen: it is cold in here. ( cheers and applause ) to you need a jacket? >> no, i'm fine. i don't know why y'all are clapping. it's cold! >> stephen: i wanted to point out when you came out here you
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touched me on the butt. >> no, i didn't. >> stephen: yes you did. you have no proof. >> stephen: what do you mean i have no proof? >> you're a liar. >> stephen: if we worked together i would have to report you to h.r. that was unwelcomed contact. >> if he's lying, make some noise! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: all right? now, you are lucky that that was welcome contact. i prefer all my guests do that. >> hey, i'm going to be honest. it's ridiculously cold right now, dawg. >> stephen: that's the way i like it. >> i'm wearing boxers. >> stephen: those are boxers? you're 26 years old, direct music videos, correct art work, made a hip-hop album, viceland, design shoes for converse, okay,
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that's a lot. >> that's crazy. >> stephen: no, it's not crazy. as an artist, as a musician, a person, what's the most important thing in the world to you. what's at the top of your pyramid? >> air. oxygen. >> stephen: really? yeah. not funny. i have horrible asthma. >> stephen: do you -- yeah, it stays with me. it's in my underpants. i didn't want my boxers to look bulky, but -- >> stephen: ah-ha, mm-hmm. is that an inhaler in your pocket or are you just happy to see me is this. >> what? ( laughter ) >> stephen: did you design everything you're wearing now? >> yes. >> stephen: including the necklace? >> yes. elizabeth taylor is my jewelry idol. >> stephen: white diamonds. her use of coral is crazy. she's dead now, though. >> stephen: yeah. ( laughter ) but diamonds are forever. did you ever see national
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velvet? >> no! >> stephen: you've got to see it. if you want to see jewelry, those violet eyes of hers. >> what are you talking about. >> stephen: elizabeth taylor. he was in a movie? >> stephen: she was in a movie?! ( laughter ) >> i don't know about that stuff. i found a book in barnes & noble and said, oh, this little white lady's got some nice stuff, and called it a day. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you're going to love it, man. who's afraid of virginia woolf? you're going to love it, man. >> man, these quotes are going over my head, man. >> stephen: let's get together and watch some elizabeth taylor. >> you're asking me on a date? >> stephen: absolutely. ( cheers and applause ) tell me about the new album, "flower boy." >> it's out? ( laughter ) >> stephen: many critics have said the same thing ( laughter ) >> yeah, yeah. it's out. >> stephen: uh-huh.
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a lot of people are, like, what's going on here? i produced and wrote mostly 90% of it. it's the melody i didn't come up with. >> stephen: you're 26 now? yes. >> stephen: some critics said this is the maturing of tyler the creator. are you growing up now? >> probably, but more so i just wanted to produce and have people to sing and that's all i want to listen to. i kind of didn't want to rap a lot on it, so i kept my rap verses short and made sure everything i said was ridiculously important and i think that's why people like about it this time around because nothing funny on it. >> stephen: what's the song you're doing tonight from the album? ( laughter ) would you like to know? because i know. >> oh, "911". ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, your show on viceland "nuts and bolts" premieres on august 3. is that true? >> yes, and we'll be right back with a performance from tyler the creator!
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( cheers and applause ) the creator! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) topped & loaded meals?ifferent it's an american favorite on top of an american favorite, alice. it's like labor day weekend on top of the fourth of july. hotdogs. get your favorites on top of your favorites. only at applebee's. get your favorites on top of your favorites. ♪ ouch! new band-aid® brand skin-flex™ bandages. our best bandage yet! it dries almost instantly. better? yeah. good thing because stopping never crosses your mind. band-aid® brand. stick with it™ out out! get get get! grrr! did you find everything okay, sir? whaaaaat?
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how was your vacation? hey, guys, what's this tomato doing at randy's desk? [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. you know, that actually reminds me, steve. i got you something. aloha! mangoes can get sunburned. put some flavor in your break- with new snapple mango tea- make time for snapple. the rock: hey siri, read my schedule. [siri tone] ♪ rock. ♪ hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] want to see more of the rock and siri? just grab your iphone and say, "hey siri, what are you and the rock up to?" ♪ [siri tone]
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♪ ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: and now, performing "911" from his new album "flower boy," ladies and gentlemen, tyler the creator! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ call me, call me, call me uh ♪ call me, call me, call me uh ♪ call me, call me, call me uh ♪ call me, call me, call me call me how you doin'? ♪ call me my name is lonely, nice to meet you ♪ here's my number you can reach me, woo! ♪ call me 911, call me some time ♪ you should call me 911, call me some time ♪ 911 you should call me, oh ♪ 911 call me ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ my thirst levels are infinity and beyond
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♪ sippin' on that lemonade, i need a beyoncé ♪ can't see straight, these shades are céline dion ♪ sucks you can't gas me up, shout out to elon ♪ musk, yeah, i got a sold out show ♪ crowd wild out but don't matter 'cause you not front row ♪ i've been lookin' for a keeper, listen to the speaker ♪ if you fit description, hit me on my beeper ♪ at that 911 ♪ call me some time ring, ring, ring ♪ please bang my line, you know i'll answer ♪ click call me some time ♪ ring, ring, ring please bang my line ♪ call me 911, call me some time ♪ you should call me 911, call me some time ♪ 911 you should call me, oh ♪ 911 you should call me
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♪ chirp, chirp chirp, chirp ♪ woke up in the 'burbs, 'burbs, with the birds, birds ♪ where you used to come and get me with the swerve, swerve ♪ these days you got to find time ♪ even the night line work line ♪ dial nine ♪ five car garage full tank of the gas ♪ but that don't mean nothing, nothing ♪ nothin', nothin', without you shotgun in the passenger ♪ i'm the loneliest man alive but i keep on dancing to throw ♪ 'em off i'm gon' run out of moves 'cause ♪ i can't groove to the blues if you know any djs, tell 'em to ♪ call me at 911
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♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: tyler the creator, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: that's it for the "late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be charlie rose, jessica williams, and max brooks. now stick around for james corden and his guests, anna faris, mark hamill, and jenny slate. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show ♪ ladies and gentlemen, all the way


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