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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  March 9, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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all we can do is hope for better times ahead. have a great weekend. i will see you tomorrow, so will vern. captioning sponsored by cbs >> president trump will moat with video game executives. touring a school safety meeting last month, the president brought up the decades-old debate on the effect video games have on gun violence. ♪ ♪ >> bongiorno, it's me, mario. i'm not sure why president trump called us here today. boob-ba! now, fundamentalled to blame me for throwing turtles or encouraging kids to take magic mushrooms or even italian stereotypes, i'll take heat for that. boom-ba, here comes president
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trump now to discuss this important issue. wait! mr. president. where are you going? ( laughter ). >> you know, you're really beautiful. >> how did you get into my dressing room? >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, job! jobs! jobs! plus, stephen welcomes helen mirren and musical guest david byrne. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! hey, how are you? good to see you! please, have a seat.
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you're very kind. thank you very much. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it's friday, we have that friday feeling here tonight. as muchaur you're excited for the weekend-- and i'm sure are you ( cheers and applause ) so am i, super excited, no one in this world is looking forward to this weekend more than the people who work at the white house-- assuming anyone still works there-- because they're having trouble hanging on to staff. it's the tight job market. the latest to leave was chief economic advisor and man identifying donald trump in court, gary cohn. but trump put on a brave face, after cohn left, tweeting, "will be making a decision soon on the appointment of new chief economic advisor. many people wanting the job. will choose wisely!" come on, you're the president,
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of the united states, don't sound so thirsty! it's like your friend getting dumped and immediately updating her facebook status to "guess who's single! and o.m.g., soooo many dudes are trying to hit me up. will be making a decision soon on replacing jason. will choose wisely!" ( laughter ) ( applause ) cohn-- cohn-- ( applause ) oh, that's the clap-- ( laughter ) cohn! welcome, welcome, secretary. cohn is the latest in a mass exodus of white house staff: hope hicks rob porter omarosa steve bannon reince priebus sean spicer scaramucci sebastian gorka michael flynn plus all the rumors of departures like john kelly h.r. mcmaster jared. ivanka. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) we're two departures from the
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white house turning into that creepy abandoned house in the neighborhood. "stay away from old man trump's house! they say if your baseball lands in his yard, he'll come out and make you his chief economic advisor!" ( laughter ) get out! in fact, in trump's white house, the turnover rate is an unprecedented 43%. 43%! what other job has that kind of turnover? javelin catcher? ( laughter ) crime scene mopper? trump wife? ( laughter ) that's actually higher. that's actually 66.6%. this is a strange situation, but according to sarah huckasanders, everything is fine-- nothing to see here, folks. >> this is an intense place, as is every white house. and it's not abnormal that you would have people come and go. >> but, actually, it is actually abnormal. no administration in recent history has had this much turnover. >> but i said it's not abnormal to have turnover.
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>> stephen: it's not abnormal to have turnover, no. it's abnormal to have this much turnover. it's the difference between "i kept a lock of your hair," and "i kept a shoebox of your hair." ( laughter ) but-- "i'm making a sweater." but trump seems to think all this turmoil is good for his administration. or at least that's what he's telling himself. >> i like conflict. i like having two people with different points of view, and i certainly have that. i like watching it. i like seeing it. and i think it's the best way to go. >> stephen: yeah, that's presidential. you want a team of rivals, just like lincoln, who forced his cabinet to fight in the octagon. "a house divided against itself cannot stand. but it can machete fight for my affection! let's get nasty!" and it's not just the white house that is running on empty. the entire government is drastically understaffed. each incoming president has about 4,000-- something like that, thousands of political positions to fill, and so far,
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only about half of them have been filled by the trump administration. it doesn't help that their craiglist ad says, "sinking ship seeks rats!" ( laughter ) but there are-- ( applause ) there are-- people looking for a job. rats! let's hear it for rats! but there are a few diehards who believe we should have government, like the folks at the partnership for public service. they're a non-profit organization that works with federal agencies to help fill vacant jobs. i recently traveled to washington d.c. to speak with their president and c.e.o, max stier, about trump's skeleton crew. mr. stier, thank you for talking with me today. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: so your job is to help the trump administration fill these vacant jobs. >> correct. >> stephen: when a new administration comes in, how many positions are there to still phil? >> we track about 630 that we see as the most important, that are responsible for running really large chunks of the government-- you know, the secretary of interior, the head
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of the census bureau the-- you know, the secretary of the army. >> stephen: how many have been appointed so far? >> there are only about 250 in which you actually have someone who has been selected by the president and confirmed by the senate. >> stephen: so about 400 of these really important position unfilled. >> correct. >> stephen: now, do you see the government as half empty or half full? ( laughter ). >> i see it as -- >> stephen: do you want to take a moment to think about that? >> no, i don't need a moment. >> stephen: an optimist sees the government as half full. a pessimist as half empty, and an anarchist says why is there a glass? that is just people trying to control our water. >> a real optimist would say -- >> stephen: putting fluoride in it. >> it's good for your teeth. >> stephen: oh, is it? that's a government plot. >> i'm not sure about that last point. >> stephen: how many of these job vacancies are in the deep state? >> no such thing as a deep state. >> stephen: none of those
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positions are filled right now? >> none of those positions are filled because it doesn't exist. >> stephen: what are some of the more troubling posts that aren't filled by a qualified candidate? >> we have no ambassador in south korea, and we are in a very scary situation, obviously. >> stephen: we have dennis rodman, though. we have dennis rodman. >> i can't argue with that -- >> stephen: i wouldn't, i wouldn't. the man's so dangerous in the paint. >> i would be happier, however, with a foreign service officer or somebody who really understands the geopolitical issues there. >> stephen: is the military filled, all military positions, like, all leadership, pentagon-- >> at the defense department? no, there are openings at the defense department, too. >> stephen: i look great in a uniform. >> you don't get a uniform as a political appointee. what you do, do is you actually are in charge of the military because that is part of our system is to have, you know, civilians responsible. >> stephen: i just want to point out you just said do-do.
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>> did i? >> stephen: anything good open at nasa? >> there's still no head of nasa, no administrator for nasa. so if you want -- >> stephen: how important is that job? >> you know, these are all important jobs. so -- >> stephen: let me just be the devil's advocate here for a moment. >> okay. >> stephen: if they were really important they'd be filled because the government still exists. >> i would say -- >> stephen: the government still exists and these jobs aren't filled. >> correct. >> stephen: ipso facto, i don't know what that phrase means. >> there is not an agency that you could name that is fully glild how does one apply for one of these jobs? let's say i wanted to be head of nasa or an ambassador to something, where do i send my resume? do i just wrap it around a cheeseburger and throw it over the wall at the white house. >> i don't think that would get you very far. there would be a vetting process that would occur. >> stephen: how harsh is this vetting process? >> it's harsh. >> stephen: is there a spanking machine? >> not that kind of harsh. >> stephen: could you vet me? >> sure.
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and just understand that the road you're on is a long, nasty, brutish one. >> stephen: if i have anything in my past should i get in front of it right now? >> yes. >> stephen: when i was 17 i beat a sea turtle to dwaeght a flashlight, but in my defense, i was high and i thought he was a monster. >> i think we could end this right here. >> stephen: what if i'm not the department of sea turtles? what if i'm just something dumb jiek i think this sort of violates one of the core foundational issues here, which is have you done something that could embarrass this administration, and i would say that counts. >> stephen: okay, maybe. you have seen this administration? ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> i think that -- >> stephen: they're very hard to embarrass. >> i think we should uphold our standard s. >> stephen: let's say that didn't happen. >> already. >> stephen: let's just say i made that up. >> just to be clear, though, if you lie, you can go to jail. >> stephen: if i had an affair should i get that out there now? >> you should get that out there. >> stephen: i had an affair but in my defense, it was not emotional. it was purely physical, and it was with a sinabon.
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i said i was going to quit ti wasn't going to finish it, but them she just like-- >> but you are correct -- >> stephen: frosting. >> you know, the question about how you -- >> stephen: this is not a metaphor. i had sex with a cinnabon. ( laughter ) in the cld kennedy administrati, everybody was having sex with baked goods. >> have you ever been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, and if so, which one. >> stephen: diagnosed? >> yes. >> stephen: no. >> we're talking about potential drug use. you have smoked marijuana and when? stephen: i have not smoked marijuana. ( laughter ) in the last... seven years. >> i see, i see. >> i have not. >> i heard the emphasis. >> stephen: smoked it. >> have you or your spouse declared bankruptcy in the past seven years. >> stephen: that's a question you have to answer? >> yes. >> stephen: is the president qualified to serve in the federal government? >> the president doesn't have to answer these questions. >> stephen: wow! it's good to be the king. >> one more question: will you
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serve at the pleasure of the president? >> stephen: if that means i get to spank him with a magazine, then, yes, i would be happy to pleasure the president. >> okay. >> stephen: well, i was convinced there should be a federal government, so i headed out to the national mall with a list of vital but unfilled government positions to vet and instantly asient jobs to the perfect candidates, which was anyone who would stop and talk to me. first national drug control policy. policy. we're looking for the director of the national drug control policy. >> okay. >> stephen: are you familiar with that position? >> vaguely. >> stephen: are you high right now? >> no! >> stephen: another then you got the job. that's it. okay. how about ambassador to south korea? let me ask you some general vetting questions, do you mind? >> absolutely i don't mind. >> stephen: would you represent the values, visionsless policies of president trump? >> i would do what was best for the united states of america and its people. >> stephen: then that would be a no. that would be a hard no.
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the energy department. hi, hi, hi! i can give this to to you? can i-- >> no -- >> stephen: would you like to be assistant secretary for nuclear energy? >> i'm sorry, i'm not american. >> stephen: that doesn't matter. next up, administrator for nasa. you know what nasa does? >> yes. >> stephen: what do they do? >> put shuttles in the air and take people to the moon. >> stephen: haven't been shuttles for almost 10 years now. >> there will be. >> stephen: okay, you're in. dream big. administrator for the federal highway administration. complete this ♪ highway to the... >> moon? >> stephen: nobody. ♪ highway to the... >> future? >> director of the national counterterrorism center. sean, what happened down here? >> actually, i broke my foot playing some soccer on the national mall. >> can you make that sound a little bit more exciting, a
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little bit more jack ryan. g, sean? >> i was actually fighting off al qaeda in a bar in d.c. >> stephen: you're done. that's it. i got a head of the federal election commission! ♪ highway to the danger >> zone. >> stephen: zone. you got the job. and direct of the u.s. marshal service. is there anything about you that might qualify you to be a marshal? no, not today. >> stephen: moth about you at all that says, "u.s. marshal?" >> no. >> stephen: i want a bird over kandahar in 15 minutes. say it kandahar. >> kandahar? >> >> stephen: kandahar. you don't know where kandahar is? >> no, i don't. >> stephen: taking that back. we have a great show for you tonight. helen mirren is here, and david byrne.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody! give it up, matty rice on guitar! hey! welcome back, everybody. you know, there is intrigue in this nation about how melania trump got her green card. apparently-- we just learned this-- apparently, instead of waiting in line like everybody else, in 2001, while she was dating donald trump, she received a so-called "einstein visa." possibly-- possibly because when she told her friend she was dating donald trump, they said, "wait to go, einstein." ( laughter ) now, these visas are reserved for a small percentage of individuals that have risen to the very top of their field. and in melania's case, her
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biggest job at the time was a spot in the swimsuit edition of "sports illustrated"." jimmy, let's take a look at that. well, there she is, melania trump. obviously, she was ahead of her time. she beat "shape of water" by a decade. fun fact: albert einstein got his green card with a very similar photo shoot. ( laughter ) and this week, it got even worse when melania liked a tweet calling trump a hypocrite on his immigration policies titled, "how exactly did melania trump get an 'einstein visa'?" yes, melania may be questioning her own citizenship. relationship between her and donald has gotten so bad, she's hoping for ice to intervene. please welcome live, via satellite, first lady, melania trump. ( cheers and applause )
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( laughter ) >> stephen: hello! thank you for making time for us, madam first lady. >> of course, stephen. as soon as i got your call, i rushed right to the airport. and then the secret service found me and brought me back to the white house. >> stephen: i'm glad you could make it. first off, you husband is beingd by porn star storm daniels, who claimed she had an affair with him and he paid her $130,000 in hush money. >> stephen, i told you before i don't care about these women. my donald is as loyal as the golden retriever he buys his hair from. >> stephen: i understand you have to say that, but miss daniels isn't the only rumor. there is also a former playboy playmate. not that i want to know what's going on in the president's bedroom? >>e god, neither do you. ( gagging ) ( laughter )
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>> stephen: speak of which, there are rumors that you're not even living in the white house right now. >> nonsense, of course, i am! if you can call this living! hey oh, oh, oh. >> stephen: but it must have hurt when your husband made you fire your event planner, stephanie winston wilcock, because she was paid $26 million by the trump inaugural committee. wasn't she a close friend? >> yes, but i have many friends at the white house. there is the steward who brings me my morning celery stalk. and then i have plenty of girl time with the mirror. i'm so worried about her. her rise so haupted. ( laughter ) then, of course, there is the butterfly who visits my window to remind me that i, too, was once joyous and free. fly away, little butterfly! ( laughter ). >> stephen: madam first lady, if you could collect yourself. let's-- let's talk about immigration. >> oh!
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where? where? oh, you've got me! oh, noooooo! is there madam first lady, immigration is not here. >> oh! >> stephen: your husband has a long history of opposing immigration, both legal and illegal. yet he hires immigrants to work at his hotels and he's married to immigrants. >> you know what they say: immigrants, we do the jobs americans don't want. ( laughter ). >> stephen: but isn't it-- isn't it-- don't you think in any way it's hypocritical that his wife got to stay in the country with an eb-1 visa. >> eequals mc squared. it's always four change 20 somewhere. >> stephen: wait a second, i thought visa you received was for modeling. >> oh, no. my extraordinary ability is staying married to donald trump! ( laughter ) i'm staying as long as i can. it's like a rodeo, but i'm riding lethargic bronco with broan spurs.
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or one of those contest where's the last one standing was a truck, you know, hands on a soft body. >> stephen: that's impressive. >> also, i can do this: ♪ you know why i don't let him touch my thighs ♪ stormy daniels >> stephen: melania trump, everybody. we'll be right back! goodbye colds, hello allergies. stay right where you are, soup. uh-huh. nobody drinks, 'till this guy sweats. degree advanced protection works up to 100°. but be careful, it won't let you down. i look like most people. but on the inside, i feel chronic, widespread pain.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is an oscar-winning actress and a jet ski model. please welcome dame helen mirren!
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: nice. that's nice. >> lovely. lovely. >> stephen: hello. >> thank you! i love you, too. thank you. >> stephen: now-- it's lovely to have you here. you're a dame commander of the british empire, right? >> i don't-- is that the title? >> stephen: that's what it says right here, it says dame commander of the order of the british empire." >> just because it's there doesn't mean it's true. >> stephen: i stand by my research. >> i am a dame. and i am a commander of the order of the-- yes, i guess that's exactly what i am. >> stephen: i accept your apology. ( laughter ) does that mean, like, you got an invitation to the royal wedding? >> no, no, of course, not, no. >> stephen: oh, i wanted to be your "plus one." >> well we could go in disguise maybe. >> stephen: oh, really? >> like you could maybe be a
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potet anti-of uzbekistan if you could get some sort of outfit that cowed work. what could be? i don't know. >> stephen: like concubines our something like that. >> like this, absolutely, yeah. >> stephen: come into ♪ kha-ching >> stephen: very nice. so the young lady-- >> do you want to do? are you mad to go. >> stephen: i'm not mad to go. but i like ceremony, you know. it doesn't happen that often, and i like to see unique things. i mean, how many royal weddings are there? >> quite a lot, actually, it seems to me. >> stephen: really? do you have any interest in going? >> no, no, i don't. >> stephen: oh. >> i don't really-- i mean, i like a wedding. they go on for too long. i cry, which is never a good thing. you know my-- may always make me
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cry. weird things make me cry. what makes you cry? i always cried at a parade. parades always make me cry. >> stephen: really? >> yes, especially little five-year-old drum majorettes, you know, when they're marching along and doing that. >> stephen: sure. >> they always make me cry and weddings always make me cry. >> stephen: i always cry at the end of "ulysses" by 1 tennison. i can't get through it. i'm just a slobbering, snotty by the end of it. >> we should test this. you should give it to me, and we'll read it and we will see if you cry. >> stephen: all right, let's do that for the web. that would be great. >> absolutely. >> stephen: you've been a leading late of lady since the 1960s. and you-- >> shhh! ( laughter ). >> stephen: since a time previous to this. and i wanted to ask you about some of the leading men that you
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played with. do i mind if i ask about some of the legendary men? you're a legendary actress? >> absolutely. it's kind of amazing now looking at the people. we were young actors together. >> stephen: ken kingsley, you did "as you like it." what was he like? >> he was very serious, very, very hard work, as he still is to this day. but then he could be incredibly funny as well. he had this great-- when he let himself go, he could be very, very fun gle you worked with patrick stewart on "two gentlemen of virowna." >> we call it "two gents." >> stephen: yeah, we call "romeo and juliette "ro-jules." insiders. what he like when he had hair? >> he was very handsome, very handsome. he always had a great body. >> stephen: a great body? you don't have to whisper. it's okay. ( laughter )
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so how would you know this, helen mirren? ( laughter ). >> because in-- you know, in the theater, darling, you know, you're often changing in the wings and stuff like that. >> stephen: sure, that's why i went into theater. ( laughter ) i'm no fool! no, absolutely. well, what about peter o'toole air, true-- a true giant and a legend of the 20th century of acting. >> i didn't work with him in the theater. i didn't really work with him, but i met him on a film calle calledica" ligula." >> stephen: i forgot about that film. >> thank you for the one-person applause. >> stephen: bob guggiony is here. >> good memory. >> stephen: thank you. well, i had a prescription. >> he was very stoned. >> stephen: very stoned? >> yes, because, you know, he drank a lot before-- it's famous that he drank a lot. and then he had to give up alcohol because he was going to die if he drank any more. >> stephen: that will do it.
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>> so he went to dope, to cannabis. but he was very smart, very funny, just uponned to tell long, long stories, you know. ( laughter ) >> stephen: since the last time you were here, you-- >> and mark rol ents at the royal shakespeare company at that time. >> stephen: he makes me try. i cried at the end of "twelth night." >> it's a comedy, steve glen but at the very end, i cried-- i laughed all through it. you don't laugh through shakespeare a lot. i laughed through the thing but at the end i cried because it was so beautiful to see someone do shakespeare so well. it was really moving. >> that's the great thing about shakespeare, isn't it? you have the laughter and you have the seriousness. and i-- now i'm going to do a brilliant segue talking about the film i have just done. i'm sorry to be so crass. the reality is that was why-- i love that kind of work.
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i love work that is funny and serious and sad at the same time. >> stephen: the movie is called "the leisure seeker," with donald sutherland, and what is it about? >> a couple going on their last road trip. >> stephen: why their last? >> well, because they're both facing major health issues. so he's got alzheimer's. he's forget ago it's the last time he will ever be able to take a trip like this. and she wants to take him to his dream, which was to go to hemingway's house in key west. so you're following them on this sort of journey, and in following them on this journey, you also sort of following them in their journey through life, and it's-- it's got a wonderful, humorous side to it. but, obviously, it's got greece seriousness as well. >> stephen: we have a clip here. it's you and donald sutherland. what's happening here? >> oh, i think-- i can't remember actually. >> stephen: you're on a park bench outside-- >> oh, yes, and he's realize ago
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he's just not recognized who she is. and she's, obviously, very upset about this. and he doesn't understand why she's upset. and so he goes out to try and placate her and get her back. i think that's the scene. >> stephen: you think that's it? >> yeah. >> stephen: another jim. >> is that really you, ella? >> of course, it's me! who are you? >> i'm me. john. >> no, you're not. my john is a young teacher. he's charming. very handsome. educated. i want him back. you stole him from me, and i want to you give him back. ( applause ) >> stephen: that's a-- if i'm not mistaken, that's a southern accent you're doing there.
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>> it is, yeah. really, i'm from south carolina. >> stephen: the character is from south carolina you're from charleston. >> from myrtle beach. >> stephen: the grand strand as we call it. >> where are you from? is there i'm from chicago, see? ( laughter ) well thank you so much for being here. it's always lovely to see you. >> thank you. >> stephen: "the leisure seeker" opens today. helen mirren, everybody. we'll be right back with david byrne.
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is in the rock and roll hall of fame, and today he's releasing his first solo album in over a decade. please welcome david byrne! ( cheers and applause )
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♪ ♪ ( applause ) hey, nice to see you again. >> good to be back. >> stephen: as you know, i'm a big fan. it's always, you know, nice to hear david byrne. i love your music. don't get to talk to you as much as i would like, and i'm really excited about the new album-- this way-- "american utopia." the first toll seoulo album in 10 years. what have you been doing with yourself for 10 years? >> i did a couple of musicals. i did one with imelda marcos. >> stephen: that's a dictatorial family rule a country. >> yes. >> stephen: is there anybody in the trump administration that you go, "i'd like to write a musical about that person?" >> oh, i was thinking about this earlier. i was thinking about jared kushner. ( laughter ) very unlike -- >> stephen: a jared musical? >> well, i was thinking if i had to write from his point of view-- because you have to write from his point of view and get
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the audience to buy into what he's feeling. and, obviously, he has the face of stone. you don't see any -- >> stephen: just a mask. >> just a stare. >> stephen: of indifference. >> and you go but something's gog in there. and i think it's-- his thing is "i don't want-- i can't let what happened to my daddy happen to me." ( laughter ). >> stephen: which is that he was-- >> went to jail. >> stephen: went to jail. >> daddy went to jail for doing some bad things. >> stephen: right. >> and jared-- it's like a greek tragedy. ( laughter ) everything that jared does takes him closer to what happened to daddy. and it's like-- ( laughter ) he can't stop it. it's almost like, "everything i do, it's like this magnet pulling me into my fate, my--" you know, like a greek tragedy. the fates are going, "you are going to relive your father's
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sins." >> stephen: wow. >> you know, that kind of thing. so he's got this terrible-- ( laughter ) sorry. >> stephen: no, no, i love it. i've already bought a toict this musical. >> yeah, yeah. ( laughter ). >> stephen: i'm in the front row right now. >> but jared has the face of stone somehow. so the acting part must be hard, i think. >> stephen: yeah. ( laughter ) i understand that-- do i have this right-- you're cataloging reasons to be cheerful under trump. i could use some of those. honest to god, i think that's a totally worthwhile undertaking. >> this is quite serious. yeah, this is a serious endeavor that i'm doing. and, well, for instance, there's a mayor in a small town in texas air, republican mayor who decided to have his little town be entirely energy sufficient, energy-- using all recycled stuff. and he did it. he looked. it's oil country. he's a republican. obviously, he was under pressure not to have sustainable energy.
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but he looked at the math, and just said, "this is what makes sense." >> stephen: this is cheaper, even though we're in oil country. >> this is cheaper. in the long run, this is cheaper. and i thought that to me is really encouraging, that there are people who are breaking with-- ( applause ) breaking with party, politics-- whether from the left or the right, democrat, republican-- and kind of doing xaactually makes sense. and i thought that's good news. >> stephen: you're not a fan of nostalgia, and you don't like looking backwards, but i wanted to ask you something about talking heads. it's about the "stop making sense" tour in 1984? wassa in '84, '83? >> yes. >> stephen: i was in college at the time, and i was an enormous fan. and i had tickets to go see that tour up at u.v.a. i was at a college in virginia, and i had a paper due the next day comparing the occult imagery in marlo's tam berlin the great,
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with the occult imagery of julius caesar, but i had to go see your show. i had to. i hear it was amazing. so as we're driving out of the college, above the gates of the college it says, in latin, "enter as boys. leave as men." and i said, "stop the car," and i got out. i said, "sell me ticket, i'm going to write my paper." and i thought a boy would go to the cons expert a man would write his paper. and i always wondered if i made a mistake. david byrne, no pressure, but did i make the right choice? >> what-- what did your friends say? did they say -- >> stephen: they said you're-- "no, you're the sum total of your experiences. this is an experience you need to have. you can go write your paper any time. this is an experience you will never have again." >> well, they're right about that. ( laughter ) but, listen, we're going to do something later in the show
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where i think, where i think you can turn to your friends and go, "uh-huh. see?" >> stephen: could i? >> yeah! i think you'll be able to go, "see?" "see what happened?" >> stephen: i can't-- i can't wait to be able to say that. ( laughter ) well, david, thank you so much for being here. i can't wait to rub it in ther face. >> stephen: we'll be right back with a special performance by david byrne. enthusiast david byrne. but now i've got a new passion, and it's... david byrne's giant suit emporium. this must be the place to meet all your formal clothing needs. whether it's a wedding, a prom, or your neighbor's funeral, come on down to david byrne's giant
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suit emporium! and, look, before you ask, let me be clear: we do not sell giant, oversized suits like the one i wore in "stop making sense." but i guarantee the deals at david byrne's giant suit emporium are once in a lifetime! in fact, we're burning down the house with savings! >> i thought david byrne would sell me one of those big old goofy suits like he wore in that movie, but when i asked, he got all quiet and asked me to leave. got real. >> so come on down to david byrne's giant suit emporium. >> so come on down to david byrne's giant suit emporium. i guarantee you're going to look fa-fa-fa-fantastic. s joint pain and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can take on psoriatic arthritis with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms.
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>> stephen: and now, with a special performance of "everybody's coming to my house," ladies and gentlemen, david byrne! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ i wish i was a camera i wish i was a postcard
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♪ i welcome you to my house you didn't have to go far ♪ a house and a garden ♪ there are plants and trees ♪ make a a closer inspection ♪ if you get get down on your knees ♪ now everybody's coming to my house ♪ and i'm never gonna be alone ♪ and everybody's coming to my house ♪ and they're never gonna go back home ♪ i'm pointing and describing and i can be your guide ♪ the skin is just a roadmap the view is very nice ♪ imagine looking at a picture imagine driving in a car
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♪ imagine rolling down the window imagine opening the door ♪ everybody's coming to my house everybody's coming to my house ♪ i'm never gonna be alone ♪ and they're never gonna go back home ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ we're only tourists in this life ♪ only tourists but the view is nice
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♪ and we're never gonna go back home ♪ no, we're never gonna go back home ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ we're only tourists in this life ♪ only tourists but the view is nice ♪ now everybody's coming to my house ♪ and i'm never gonna be alone ♪ and everybody's coming to my house ♪ and they're never gonna go back home ♪ everybody is coming to my house ♪ everybody is coming to my house ♪ i'm never gonna be alone ♪ and i'm never gonna go back home ♪
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♪ everybody is coming to my house ♪ everybody is coming to my house ♪ i'm never gonna be alone ♪ and i'm never gonna go back home ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "american utopia" is out now! david byrne, everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: well that's it for "the late show," everybody. join me next week when i'll be joined by tom brady, angela bassett, and paul giamatti. good night! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight do not you worry ♪ about the words i'm singing it will be all right ♪ it's the "late, late show" >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way inside of an


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