tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS May 3, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
morning. >> yes. >> have a great night captioning sponsored by cbs >> isn't that closer to the mandate than michael cohen, having something to do with paying some stormy daniels woman 130,000, i mean, which is going to turn out to be perfectly legal. that money was not campaign money. that was money that was paid by -- by his lawyer, the way i would do out of his law firm funds or whatever funds, doesn't matter, the president reimbursed that. the president repaid it. ( laughter ) wow. >> it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight rambling rudy. plus stephen welcomes charlize
theron, ron howard, and a special appearance by j.j. abrams, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: thank you very much! hey! welcome please have a seat, everybody. you're very kind. nothing like a fresh audience, jon. they just opened the package on the one, they're still crisp. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. happy national day of prayer. >> jon: that's right, that's right.
>> stephen: you know, i don't know why it's just one day because every morning since the election i wake up and scream, "oh, dear god!" ( laughter ) do something! and trump talked about how important faith is to other people. >> i want to thank vice president mike pence and karen for joining us, very special people, thank you very much. ( applause ) we are truly blessed to have a vice president and a second lady who believe in the power of prayer and the glory of god, and they do believe. i'm with them a lot. they believe. it's true. >> stephen: "they won't shut up about it. i'm with them a lot. i'm breathing in a lot of second-hand prayer. ( laughter ) okay. i'm in the holy water splash zone. i need a poncho."
( laughter ) but trump might want to start praying himself, because he's got some problems. we'll cover some of them in tonight's "stormy watch." ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) no idea what this means. ( laughter ) and it's not just a storm, it's hurricane rudy. ( laughter ) last night, he made landfall on fox news and trump may have to declare himself a disaster area. here's the situation: remember michael cohen paid stormy daniels $130,000 right before the election. and both trump and cohen have denied that trump knew anything about the payment or paid cohen back in anyway. it was just an act of charity. that charity: the american society for the protection of horny billionaires.
( laughter ) ( applause ) ♪ in the arms of a porn star -- ♪ they have both stressed for months that trump never reimbursed him. so legal giant rudy said this: >> i'm giving you a fact now that you don't know. it's not campaign money, no campaign finance violation. >> they funneled it through a law firm-- >> funneled it through a law firm and then the president repaid it. >> stephen: rudy! you're not helping! ( laughter ) "i got this. officer, you can't accuse my buddy here of speeding, he was way too drunk to do that!" ( laughter ) i don't understand why he would do this! i know not to do that. i'm not a lawyer and i know not to do that. didn't rudy see trump on air force one? >> mr. president, did you know about the $130,000 payment to stormy daniels? >> no. no. >> then, why did michael cohen
make this, if there was no truth to her allegations? >> well, you'll have to ask michael cohen. michael is my-- attorney and you'll have to ask michael. >> do you know where he got the money to make that payment? >> no, i don't know. between cohen and trump -- one of these two men is lying, and it's both of them. ( laughter ) how is it that trump knew nothing about this payment, but somehow reimbursed cohen anyway? rudy had a theory: >> when i heard cohen's retainer of $35,000 when he was doing no work for the president, i said, well, that's how he's re-paying-- that's how he's repaying it with a little profit and a little margin for paying taxes for michael. >> stephen: what he's trying to ship here is the idea that cohen gets $35,000 a month for trump and out of that he deduct all the hush money he pays. all the porn stars you want to silence for one low monthly fee
( laughter ) cohen calls the service netchix. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( piano riff ) netix, yes. it comes with streaming. >> jon: wow! ( laughter ) >> stephen: sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. that's (russian accent prn netchix. then a visibly shaken sean hannity tried to point out the looming iceberg in front of the s.s. trump-tanic, but rudy said, "full steam ahead." >> the president-- do you know the president didn't know about this? >> i believe that's what michael had said. he didn't know about the specifics of it, as far as i know, but he did know about the general arrangement, that michael would take care of things like this, like i take care of things like this with my clients, i don't burden them with every single thing that comes along. these are busy people. >> stephen: yes, they're busy
and getting busy with porn stars. ( laughter ) and guiliani went on "fox & friends" this morning to explain the payment in even more damaging ways. >> it had nothing to do with the campaign, it was a personal matter. personal reasons. it wasn't for the campaign! however, imagine if that came out on october 15th, 2016, in the middle of the, you know, last debate with hillary clinton. >> stephen: there's something kind of admirable about being that bad of a liar. "your honor, i had no reason to burn down my warehouse, but i'll tell you that insurance money saved my ass." now, when trump heard about rudy's gaffe, he said, "okay, let's go with that." "mr. cohen, an attorney, received a monthly retainer, not from the campaign and having nothing to do with the campaign, from which he entered into, through reimbursement, a private contract between two parties, known as a non-disclosure agreement, or n.d.a.
these agreements are....." "...very common among celebrities and people of wealth." hold on, i'm a celebrity, and people of wealth and i don't have any n.d.a.'s. and if i did, i wouldn't tell you because i paid myself off. ( laughter ) trump tweeted on: "in this case it is in full force and effect and will be used in arbitration for damages against ms. clifford-- daniels. the agreement was used to stop the false and extortionist accusations made by her about an affair......" "...despite already having signed a detailed letter admitting that there was no affair. prior to its violation by ms. clifford and her attorney, this was a private agreement. money from the campaign, or
campaign contributions, played no roll in this transaction." yes, roll! he must have been hungry when he typed this. "yes, no roll, no biscuit, not even cornbread. cornbread's usually free. no roll. my crimes are gluten free." ( laughter ) trump is claiming that he paid cohen a monthly fee to hush up all the affairs he wasn't having. so anyone can just say they had an affair with trump and leave with $130-grand? in that case, i had sex with donald trump. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( piano riff ) it's tbon na come out eventually. yeah! yeah!
>> jon: you did it. >> stephen: yes. i don't mean love, it was dirty dog. ( laughter ) and sure, like all the other accusations it's not true, but what a terrible time for it to come out. can you imagine? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: what would it do, when he was fighting all these other allegation that it broke i had sex with donald trump. >> jon: it would be over. >> stephen: blow everybody's mind. >> jon: absolutely. >> stephen: just -- ( laughter ) and remember how trump's defense against charges of obstruction of justice is totally linked that the firing of comey had nothing whatsoever to do with the russia investigation. there's no obstruction because the firing had nothing to do with the investigation. maestro?
>> he fired comey because comey would not-- among other things-- say that he wasn't a target of the investigation. he fired him and he said, "i'm free of this guy." >> stephen: sir, firing the guy because he won't announce you're not the target of the investigation is illegal. that's obstruction of justice 101, which i believe was a class they offered at trump university. ( laughter ) and hannity also asked about something comey said about hillary clinton. >> he said today, or yesterday, comey, he said, "hillary deeply respects the rule of law." comey said that. >> wow. this is a very perverted man. >> stephen: no -- ( laughter ) >> stephen: no, no, but giuliani's right. comey is one sick perv. i hear he gets off on blind chicks who hold up scales. ( cheers and applause ) we have a great show for you tonight. charlize theron is here. when we return, i talk about our old friend cocaine mitch mcconnell! stick around! ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back. give it up for "stay human" and jon batiste right there! ( cheers and applause ) always have the energy, always bring it. >> jon: always. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: last week i profiled a republican primary candidate in the west virginia senate race, former coal company c.e.o. and shop teacher who sawed-off his finger to feel something again, don blankenship. well, since then, don has said more things, so it's time for a "profiles in discourage: sad-dendum." we learned last week that blankenship doesn't have the best resume. he just served a year in prison
for conspiracy to violate mine safety standards, causing dozens of deaths-- you know: leadership-- now the g.o.p. is worried that if blankenship wins the republican nomination, he'll lose the election. in fact, g.o.p. senate majority leader mitch mcconnell told "the new york times" that "he didn't want blankenship to win the g.o.p. race." yeah, mitch, obama wanted his nominee to be on the supreme court, but sometimes a shady bastard ruins your plans, am i right? well, blankenship came out what are you going to do? ( applause ) it's sad. well, blankenship came out swinging on monday with a brand-new campaign ad. warning, his performance is electrifying. >> hi, i'm don blankenship candidate for u.s. senate, and i approve this message. politicians have run a lot of crazy ads. they blew up the coal mine and then put me in prison. now they're running ads that say the coal mine blew up and i went to prison.
there's no surprise there. >> stephen: yes, there is ( laughter ) oh, yes there is. anytime you ask people for their vote by twice mentioning that you went to prison for blowing up a coal mine, that's a surprise. ( laughter ) then blankenship took his attacks on mcconnell to a whole new level. >> one of my goals as u.s. senator will be to ditch cocaine mitch. >> stephen: wait! what? i'm sorry, what? "cocaine mitch?" are you saying this mitch mcconnell is on coke? ( laughter ) mitch, i say this as a friend, you need to do harder drugs. ( laughter ) ( applause ) that mitch? i don't know. something to kick the energy up. well, here's what blankeship actually means: mitch mcconnell is married to two-time cabinet secretary elaine chao.
chao's father's shipping company, which, blankenship's campaign says, "was implicated recently in smuggling $7-million of cocaine and that is why we've deemed him cocaine mitch." so now you're liable for your father-in-law's crimes? watch out jared. ( laughter ) get out of there! ( applause ) and blankenship took some of his other concerns about mitch's father-in-law to local talk radio. >> his father-in-law is extremely wealthy and runs a shipping company and owned some ships in china and he's very well-connected in china. i don't have any problem with chinese people, chinese girlfriends, chinese anything--but i have an issue when the father-in-law is, you know, is a wealthy chinaperson-- ( audience reacts ) >> jon: whoa, now!
whoa, now! >> stephen: "china person?" mr. blankenship, you're starting to sound like a real ass person. ( laughter ) well, a lot of folks took exception to the term "china person," but donny defended himself. >> this idea that calling somebody a china-person-- i mean, i'm an american-person. i don't see this insinuation by the press that there's something racist about saying china-person. some people are korean-persons some of them are african-persons. >> stephen: no! ( laughter ) no! no one talks like that except aliens trying to blend in. ( laughter ) "what?! no, i am not an alien. like you, i am an american-person-- now bring me sugar in water." we'll be right back with charlize theron.
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they're your best friends, so they don't want you to spend more than you have to. if you want to save big on pet accessories, you gotta go to ross. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to "the late show." my first guest is an oscar winner who starred in "monster" and "mad max: fury road." and atomic blonde. her new film is "tully." >> do you know what a night nanny is? okay. you know witness? everybody does. it's just like a regular nanny except they come at night. they stay over for a few weeks or a month and they take care of the baby at night so mom and dad can get some sleep. it's no big deal. >> i don't want a stranger in my
house bonding with my newborn every night. it's like a movie where the nanny bonds and tries to kill the family and the mom has to walk with a cane at the end. >> we had a night nanny. i don't remember that. because she only came at night. >> please tell me you didn't here me one of these people. >> stephen: please welcome, charlize theron! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) thank you! oh! >> stephen: ladies first. oh, wow. so nice. is that so nice to have you here. >> thank you. >> stephen: now, we have met once before. >> yes. >> stephen: i interviewed you once before but it was the old gig in character, and i'm looking forward to actually talking to you myself. >> i don't know who this person
is. >> stephen: that other guy was an idiot. i'm an idiot, too, but i'm honest about it. >> i like you both. >> stephen: thank you very much. well, i found out something shortly before you came out here that you were originally going to be a dancer. that's what your goal in life was. >> that was my passion, yeah, for sure. >> stephen: and you came to new york to dance. >> i danced here for a little bit. i thought that was what i was going to do the rest of my life. >> stephen: why didn't you? i'm not really built to be a ballerina. i'm a little too tall and too much weight on my knees and at 19 my body just kind of said no more. so i said movies. >> stephen: so you're slumming now, with movies. ( laughter ) did you go to los angeles after that? >> i did. it was the craziest, now when i reflect back on it, i'm, like, what was i thinking? i'm so naive. my mom came out to new york. it was the winter i was super
depressed, i didn't know what i was going to do with my life. she put together that really what i loved about dance was storytelling. she said, you should try the movies. we knew nothing. she's, like, i hear they make them in hollywood. she's, like, you don't want to be 80 and on your death bed and always think about, you know, i should have given that thing a shot. so because i had no money, she bought me a one-way ticket. the travel agent sent us the ticket and it said, los angeles and she was, like, ah, (bleep)! i told them hollywood! and i was, like, mom, fix this! we knew nothing! i tell that to my kids today and it's, like, are you crazy? >> stephen: you are a movie star. it worked out. many fans, of which i'm one. for people who don't know you grew up in south africa. what was your genre to go to as a child. fantasy or romcoms or what did
you love most? >> i loved everything, a lot of tom hanks movies. i had a weird thing with horror which had a lot to do with making out with boys and that was a sure way to get a boy close to you. >> stephen: talk me through that. how does that work? >> well, maybe i'm the only person who thought this, but at 12 i was, like, you know, when you get scared there's a reason to move closer to a boy and then maybe they'll put their arm around you. >> stephen: because the boy wasn't going to do it himself? >> no, no. did you do that at 12? >> stephen: oh, no! no! ( laughter ) no, i didn't get close to girls till my mid 30s. finally got the courage up. >> i made up for the first time ever after watching "friday 13th." >> stephen: really? like after the whole thing was over. mid "friday 13"? >> no, it was a very planned
event. we're, like, we're making out tonight. >> stephen: both of you said you're making out? >> and three girlfriends and they picked three guys. we weren't even boyfriend-girlfriend, we're just, everybody's making out tonight, to matter what! >> stephen: wow. his mom was honking in the driveway and i said, dude, you've got to do this now. >> stephen: so the movie is over and it hasn't happened yet. >> yeah. it was not good. >> stephen: it was not good? no. >> stephen: have you asked this young man about his failure at this stage in his career because he might be regretting it. >> no. nicky smith, what happened. >> stephen: nicky, you dropped the ball! ( applause ) you said you love tom hanks movies. >> yeah. >> stephen: but you did a tom hanks movie. >> yeah, i did. >> stephen: it's that thing you do. >> the second movie i ever did. >> stephen: did you audition
for tom hanks? >> i did. i did. oh, it was not good. >> stephen: well, it was good if you have. >> i don't know why he gave me the role. i mean, honestly, i was to nervous. i mean, imagine you are 19 and you meet this idol, like i idolized him. i watched "turner & hooch," like, 500 times. >> stephen: some have said his finest work. ( laughter ) larry crown and "turner & hooch." >> i'm one of them. >> stephen: i like your taste. o to audition for somebody who like that is frightening. and the character who plays my boyfriend in the movie his name is guy. i got so nervous in the audition i had to do this scene and tom read with me. oh, it was so mortifying. i got so nervous i couldn't say guy and i kept saying gay, and the more i tried to correct myself the more i just said gay,
and it was so horrible. he literally said at one point, you know, let's just take a break, we'll come back. and i was, like, oh, i am sucking right now! >> stephen: just enough, though. congratulations. >> thank you. >> stephen: well, the new film you have is "tully." you produced it. you play marlo, a mom of three, and this is a strikingly realistic look at being a mom. it can be beautiful but certainly not easy. what drew you to this? because i know you have two children of your own. >> yeah, jason rightman who i worked with before in a film called young adults and me the scripts, when my second kid was around six months and i just moved her out of my room and she just started sleeping through the night, i had a 3-year-old at the time as well who's, like, where is my mom, because you're
just in the zombie state. i was just becoming a human being again and he sent me the script and i was, like, oh, boy, this is so real, i just lived this. there was something about it that just felt -- something i haven't read before, just, like you said, about the honesty of how messy it is to raise kids. >> stephen: and how you don't know how everything gets done. >> no. >> stephen: you know all the things or you try to know all the things the child needs, the things you need to do, but this film really beautifully, dramatically, sometimes heartbreakingly explores that it's impossible. >> it's so impossible, and i think we all have been in that place where we all think everybody else knows but me. i had nights with my kids where i was just, like, am i the only person who doesn't know what to do right now? and i think this film made me making it just not feel so alone in raising my kids. so i hope that that can happen for other parents out there.
you know, you don't have to be a parent to get this. i think there is something about just all of us not wanting to be alone in whatever the experience is we're having in our lives and want to have reassurance that we're doing okay, it's okay. >> stephen: and if you don't have kid and you see this film, it's excellent birth control. ( cheers and applause ) yes. >> listen, the world is incredibly overpopulated, and i am a u.n. messenger of peace. >> stephen: very nice. so lovely to see you. >> thank you. >> stephen: "tully" is in theaters tomorrow. charlize theron, everybody! back with ron howard! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) could light up the room? new aveeno® positively radiant sheer daily moisturizer.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! boom! from "the andy griffith show" and "happy days" to "apollo 13" and "a beautiful mind," my next guest has been telling great stories for over 50 years. his latest is "solo: a star wars story." >> good going! we need to divert auxiliary power to the rear deflector shield. >> we definitely do! since when do you know how to fly? ( indiscriminate sounds ) >> 190 years old? indiscriminate sounds ). you look great! get in! i'll help him.
>> stephen: please welcome ron howard! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey. thank you. >> stephen: nice to have you on. >> good to be on. >> stephen: i'm a long-time fan of ron howard and a long-time fan of "star wars." you took over directing this one one, "solo: a star wars story," halfway through. how much did they tell you before you agreed? was it so secretive, they said, just trust us, it's a "star wars" story, get in there? >> i had to sign an n.d.a. before i could even have the
conversation. >> stephen: was michael cohen involved at all in this conversation? >> no, we were able to handle it internally. >> stephen: okay. look, it was a great screenplay. it was an unusual circumstance. it was no movie, no set of creative people want to be a part of something like that. it was creative differences in this particular case and once i knew they were going to make a change, i read the script, and larry and son john wrote it. hear has been involved in his fourth of the "star wars" movie starting with "empire strikes back." i loved the story. it surprised me. of course, i had questions about well, what's the story about young hans solo and adventures that might define him, what's it going to be? >> the castle run, i'm going to make you spill something. the castle run and all involved. ( laughter ) >> and what i felt about the screenplay is, no, they just
answered questions in ways that were surprising and very satisfying. but, of course, then i learned that, in fact, before even disney bought lucas film that george lucas and kathy kennedy and larry were actually talking about this and larry was saying, of all the stories i could be a part of telling about the world, the young hans solo story is one that i think would offer a lot of surprises and be very interesting, so it's a terrific story. >> stephen: you jump into the middle of production. usually a director comes in and you're part of the directing and design process, you're there and the world's already built. what was day one like? >> well, it was chaotic and i was anxious and pumped up and it was a big action scene. it's a beautiful set and it's everybody there and it's destroys and ai -- aliens and wookiees and blasters running
around. i organized this very complicated shot and it took a longer time to get it together and the actors were pulling hard to try to make it happen, you know, and lando flips the blaster to han and the camera is perfect and it went beautifully and i felt really good about it, but here's this amazing thing that happened, let me just tell you, when you get a fist bump and a full body hug from chewbacca, i mean, that's an experience i wish every moviemaker could have. >> stephen: that's validation. i was in the galaxy far away, but it was going to be okay. ( applause ) >> stephen: well, of course, we knew you as opie, originally, but your big movie breakout was american graffiti, right? >> well, yeah. >> stephen: which, at the time -- ( cheers and applause ) and it's a movie people don't see as often as they should.
it was ground breaking for its time. it was huge. >> a huge cinderella success, came out of nowhere, directed by this maverick independent filmmaker george lucas. >> what was he like before "star wars"? >> you know, skinny and quiet, very withdrawn, but unbelievable focus, and an unusual way of looking at stories and movies. that was the thing that blew me away the most. i already knew i wanted to be a director. i had already been accepted to u.s.c. film school, and george willucas was approaching the process in ways unlike anything i witnessed before, a different cinematic approach, style of directing actors and it was all incredibly effective. i was very impressed. we shot all at night and it was
about 3:30 in the morning one morning and we were standing out in front of, you know, the drive-in, mel's drive-in, and i said, do you know what movie you want to make next? again, he's very quiet. he says, i want to make this buck rogers movie, flash gordon cliffhanger but with stanley kubrick 2001 effects, you know, everything goes really fast and makes a lot of noise and that was it. if it had been one of those movies with thought bubbles, i would have said, that's moronically stupid. didn't get it at all. but i went to see the movie when it first came out and saw it twice the same day. i was blown away. >> stephen: talking about life coming full circle, here you are directing solo and george lucas stops by. >> he did ( applause ) >> stephen: what's it like if you're the director o of "star
wars" and george wil lucas stop? does everything come to a halt? >> everybody's jaws drops and it's like snapping to attention. he doesn't spend time at the movies now. he more or less handed it off. he's busy building museums, he's very philanthropic, educational programs that mean a lot to him. we remain friends, so to me it was an incredible show of support and respect and it meant he would go out of his way to show up with his wife. he was trying to stay out of the way but he did lean over and said, you know what han would really do there -- he gave me a little joke -- and i said, guess what? here's what we're going to do next take. so i know when i hear a good idea. ( applause ) >> stephen: good. well, right now, it is may the
4th. may the 4th be with you. >> yes, it is. >> stephen: aid tickets are on sale. >> that's right, as of now. >> stephen: as of now, there are tickets on sale, and here's the thing, a little surprise for you, is i know we've all seen the trailer online. >> right. >> stephen: we have actually got our hands -- and i'm sorry you didn't see this first, probably mad at the people who put it together, but we've got a new trailer for solo, a towards story, you're in it and you have never even seen it. ready for it? >> i guess i have to be. >> stephen: exclusive new trailer. ♪ ♪ sunday monday "star wars" days ♪ ♪ tuesday wednesday "star wars" days ♪ ♪ thursday friday "star wars" days ♪ ♪ come to have some fun, flu through space with you ♪
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only one candidate for governor when students were stuck in failing schools, led the fight to turn them around. as mayor of l.a., antonio villaraigosa invested in classrooms and security. graduation rates soared. antonio for governor. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back. you might remember that last month, i had j.j. abrams here to discuss his broadway play: "the play that goes wrong," which, by the way, is what they should have called "spider-man: turn off the dark." ( laughter ) it's a great show and that night j.j. made a very generous offer to our audience.
everyone's invited. >> stephen: do you guys want to see the play with us? ( cheers and applause ) here's the thing. j.j. offered to bring everyone straight from here that audience to see his play and the audience didn't foe anything about it ahead of time so we didn't know how many people would take him up on it. turns out everyone. ( laughter ) so this is what happens when the director of "star wars" and i spontaneously took 400 people through the busiest blocks of new york city. it's -- ♪ ♪ >> stephen and j.j.'s times square adventure! >> stephen: let's go! >> stephen colbert: we're all gonna go see the new star wars. >> jj abrams: no,no, no. that's not true. >> stephen colbert: it's all true. we're going a showing star wars right now. >> jj abrams: no, we're not. (crowd screams) ♪ ♪ >> stephen colbert: there's literally not enough room in time square for the number of people we are bringing down at
once. >> jj abrams: this is amazing. >> stephen colbert: there are 350 people. i think we actually managed to turn time square into a fire hazard. i feel like moses somehow leading the people to the stupid land. >> stephen colbert: who is here from out of town? anybody here from out of town should know that this is what i do after every show. i just-- i walk down to times square and i have a great meal. >> jj abrams: yeah, where do you go? >> stephen colbert: oh, i go to bubba gump shrimp, or i-- sometimes i'll just go to the m&m store and start with dessert. stephen colbert: planet hollywood. this must be where you eat every time you come to new york 'cause it feels like home to you. >> jj abrams: i miss it. like, i miss-- so i go there-- >> stephen colbert: so you feel like you're back in hollywood. >> jj abrams: yeah, it's-- i see, like, schwarzenegger's leather jacket i go, "oh." i breathe easy. >> stephen colbert: just knowing it's there. >> jj abrams: yeah. >> stephen colbert: it's like a talisman. >> jj abrams: it is a bit like a safety blanket. >> stephen: who wants a hot dog? one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. i'll take 30 hot dogs.
one diet coke, please. >> stephen colbert: this is it. drink it in. this is the real new york. >> stephen colbert: swarovski crystal, would you like something? let's-- let's get some-- let's get (unintelligible) >> stephen colbert: how much is this crystal-- apple? >> male voice: the large one is $100, and the small one is $69. >> jj abrams: we'll take one of each. >> stephen colbert: one of these, please. thanks very much. >> jj abrams: just like this. >> stephen: great. we are really (bleep) midtown man hasn't right now. >> jj: i know traffic is now happy with us. >> stephen colbert: you're from the city. >> jj abrams: i'm from new york, originally. >> stephen colbert: what do you miss most about time square. >> jj abrams: just the cleanliness, and the normal people. >> male voice: i'm the naked cowboy with stephen colbert in times square. he's a big liberal, but today that's fair. >> and with that.uú we arrived t the play that goes wrong, all in one piece. we're here! ( cheers and applause ) i think. i think i never checked on the people in the back.
...just know that... you can, in portland. >> stephen: that's it for the "late show," everybody. join me next week when i'll be joined by gayle king, michael b. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show