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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  May 16, 2018 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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good night. the late show is next. >> have a great night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> it has been five tase now since white house aide kelly sadler made that morbid and awful remark about senator john mccain's ailing health, and stilt white house refusing to apologize. >> have you insulted an ailing american war hero who has faithfully served his country for over 50 years? and you have yet to apologize? well, let haulmark help. introducing "the white house apology collection," the perfect way to say you're not necessarily sorry. "my deepest condolences... that this information leaked out." "sorry... is a garment worn in india." "love means never having to say you're sorry.
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for the record, we also don't love you." and "can you ever forgive me? just kidding. go flock yourself." "the white house apology collection": when you're not sorry, but you're a sorry son of a bitch. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, happy mueller-versery. plus, stephen welcomes chadwick boseman and an exclusive look at summer's star-studdeddest shows. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you! gorgeous! gorgeous! ( cheers and applause )
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hey, everybody! what's going on? welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen-- ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. happy hump day. i am so excited. this is my excited face. i am so excited. because tomorrow-- did you know this-- tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the mueller investigation. ( cheers and applause ) he was appointed one year from tomorrow? of course, the first is anniversary is typically the paper anniversary, and with any luck, that is is what mueller is going to be serving donald trump with. a grand jury has been impaneled in washington, and by law it has to be a jury of donald trump's peers, so it's sean hannity, the cast of "shark tank," and a cheeseburger. ( laughter ) you are what you eat. ( applause ) meanwhile, way on the other side of town, the president himself is freaking out.
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according to one confidant, trump complains about the f.b.i. raid of michael cohen's office "20 times a day." they've actually put it on his schedule as "bitching on the ones." ( laughter ) ( applause ) traffic on the twos. bitching on the ones. now, a lot of people say that trump's attacks on the investigation make him look guilty, but one trump associate explains, "no. this is donald trump's personality. he just has to respond. he's been so emotional... it takes a toll on him, and the way he deals with it is to lash out." >> audience: ooooh! >> stephen: yes, yes. reassuring words about the man with the nuclear launch codes. ( laughter ) "sleep tight, honey. everything's going to be okay as long as nothing upsets donald trump. we dance on the edge of a knife." ( laughter ) trump also complains that "he needs better 'tv lawyers' to defend him on cable news." ( laughter )
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"jared, jared, get me matlock on the phone. what's that? what's that? he's dead and never really existed? that's a mystery. get me mrs. 'murder, she wrote '!" get me "colombo." and who does trump think is a tv lawyer upgrade? former new york mayor rudy giuliani, seen here in a community theater production of "nosferatu." ( laughter ) giuliani says he and trump are in lockstep on strategy. in fact, he says of his relationship with trump, "we're on the same wavelength." yes, they're so close, it's like they finish each other's prison sentences. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) worth the wait.
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but despite this defiant tone, the white house is prepared to ride out the mueller investigation. as one white house staffer put it, "everyone seems resigned to just buckle up and get through whatever we've got to get through for it to reach its conclusion." yes, buckle up, because what you have to get through is gonna feel like this: i'm glad-- i'm so glad-- i'm so glad they were wearing seat belts. we checked, they're fine, right? they're tell me they're totally fine. a little stiff in the shoulders when it's cold. but some people in the administration are already looks towards the future because president trump's campaign aides are quietly launching his re-election campaign. >> audience: boo! >> stephen: yes, yes. but why would you launch it
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quietly? don't you want people to know? that's like quietly launching a search party. ( whispering ) "has anyone seen the hikers?" were they the ones in the car? i hear they're okay because of the..." ( laughter ) so who's in charge of the re-trumpening? why, it's campaign manager and man whose hair has gone south for the winter, brad parscale. ( laughter ) parscale? something, who cares? parscale was in charge of trump's digital team back in 2016, and he's doubling down on it, because "the campaign says it had great success recruiting trump supporters with ads on a.o.l.-- an older, trump-friendly demographic." a.o.l.? okay, that explains the campaign's new slogan: "trump 2020: ( modem dialing ) ( beeps )
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for america. ( laughter ) speaking of the internet, twitter is an amazing site. you should check it out some time. where else can you dialog with people from all over the world and learn how each unique culture says the word "asshat"? ( laughter ) "le chapeau de derriere." ( laughter ) but it might be harder soon, because twitter announced that it is going to limit the visibility of tweets from people behaving badly. yeah, up till now, to do that, you had to unfollow donald trump. ( laughter ) here's how she works: twitter has set up an algorithm that uses thousands of behavioral signals. if it believes you are acting like a jerk, it will push your tweets lower down. and if the twitter machine thinks you're a bad person, the punishment is severe: your responses may remain hidden behind a "show more replies" button. oh, take that, worst people in
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the world! ( laughter ) now everyone will be able to resist the "show more replies" button, just like everyone turns off cable news every time they say, "the following footage may be disturbing." and does it work? well, "in early tests, the change reduced abuse reports in conversations by 8%, leading the company to unveil it's new slogan, "twitter: now only 92% awful!" that's better. >> jon: a little better. >> stephen: that's better. >> jon: a little tad better. >> stephen: in happier news, it's prom season-- ( cheer ( someone's here for prom night. and that means young love, stretch limousines, and controversy-- like in florida, where miami-dade's christopher columbus high school is under fire from people upset that the school had a caged tiger at the prom.
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these kids today, what with their tiger proms. the closest thing we had to a live tiger at my prom was when a rat crawled in the punch bowl ( laughter ) and we were grateful for our punch rat! ( laughter ) but bringing a live tiger to prom? the only way that could be more florida is if a shirtless guy rode it into the taco bell drive-through. ( cheers and applause ) where do you get a tiger? where does one get a tiring? they're great! students and parents were not happy about the tiger, with one local posting on facebook, "this poor tiger was used as an exotic amusement for the mindless teenagers who were present. ask yourselves this: 1. did this tiger ask to attend prom?" wait, did it? ( laughter ) was it there with a date? did it do a prom-posal? "hey, karen, i may be a tiger,
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but i ain't 'lion' when i say i want to go to prom with you." ( laughter ) then eat you." the high school released a statement about the incident, saying, "the tiger was never harmed or in danger, and for the great majority of the time, it was lying down in a relaxed state facing away from the audience." yeah, it was facing away from the crowd, probably so they couldn't see it crying after stacey melgrove called it fat. we've got a great show for you tonight. chadwick boseman is here. but when we return, me and some kids create america's next binge-worthy tv show. don't go away. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ kyle: mom! mom!
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome back to the show, everybody. folks, ladies and gentlemen, if you like tv-- and i hope you do-- you might know that right now is the time of year when tv networks announce their lineups for the fall. so many exciting new series. nbc even announced some hot new show called "brooklyn nine nine." i cannot wait to see what that's about. of course, the demographic networks care most about reaching is young people. in fact, they care about them so much, they even gave them their own "sheldon." but i say the best way to find out what young people want is to talk to them.
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that's why last year, i teamed up with a group of the most influential minds in the prized 6- to 8-year-old demographic to brainstorm ideas for a movie. the kids came up with a film they called "teenage war," and we even made a trailer based on their ideas. here's a taste. >> i declare teenage war! >> stephen: critics called it "the most restrained performance of john malkovich's career." ( laughter ) so, recently, i assembled some of that same creative team to come up with an idea for a new tv series. this is "kids pitch." ( bell ringing ) >> stephen: hi, everybody. >> hi, stephen! >> stephen: i believe the children are the future, and i need to be on the cutting edge of the future of television. so will you help me make the best television show ever today? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> yes. >> stephen: okay, let's talk
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abut some current shows. >> ( unintelligible ) >> stephen: thank you, ian. have you seen "handmaid's tale"? "handmaid's tale," anybody? joshua! >> it's on hulu, and it's right on the top of hulu. >> stephen: "handmaid's tale"? >> yeah, you know how it's like there is something that you could watch on there? >> stephen: right. >> it was on there. >> stephen: yeah. and have you ever watched it? >> no, but it looks pretty cool. >> stephen: yeah, it does look cool, but i'd wait a couple of decades. yeah, i'd wait a couple of decades. okay, do you guys know what "game of thrones" is? raise your hand. okay, yes. >> all i know is that a lot of people die. >> stephen: a lot of people die in it, yeah. here's the important thing about "game of thrones." "game of thrones" is based on a popular series of books. you got a book you like, joshua? >> a beatle book. who are the beatles? >> stephen: who are the beatles, joshua? what do you know about them? >> very famous group band, best rock band ever-- >> stephen: do you know their music at all? >> yeah, ooo-- >> stephen: what's your favorite album? what's the best album the beatles put out? and be careful with your answer. >> uhh-- "rubber soul," because
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it only has songs by the beatles. >> stephen: right. i mean, it's a transformative album for them. >> yeah. >> stephen: maybe not their best album. obviously, when you get into things like "norwegian wood," obviously, you've changed the landscape of popular music in the 1960s. but you wouldn't go with "revolver"? >> "revolver." songs that are on that are only sleeping," "here, therei'm everywhere," "love you, too"-- >> stephen: so you think "rubber soul" is better than "revolver"? >> yeah. >> stephen: you're living in a dream world. >> i'm living in a dream world! what about "sergeant pepper's"? >> "sergeant pepper's"? that's almost a great album. >> stephen: that's almost a great album? >> no, that is their greatest album ever. >> stephen: i asked you what their greatest album was, and you said "rubber soul." >> forget it. >> stephen: but, again, it's "revolver." "revolver" is the best beatles album, in case you were wondering. okay. let's move on. what do you like about your favorite shows? what do you want to see in a tv show? >> music!
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( beatboxes ) >> stephen: music? yes, joshua? >> music, dancing, and... >> fighting. >> stephen: fighting? >> fighting? no, no... >> stephen: could we have dancing, singing, that's also fighting? >> it could be a rap battle. >> stephen: a rap battle. >> dun-dun-dun! >> stephen: okay, do you like creepy things? creepy is selling big right now: "black mirror," "american horror story," "fox & friends." >> okay, no thanks! >> stephen: super-creepy shows are selling right now. joshua, what do you think is creepy? >> doing this. ( laughter ) >> stephen: doing that? >> i'm really creeped out over here. >> stephen: you're getting creeped out? >> yes. >> stephen: annabelle, what's creepy to you? >> my great-grandmother. >> stephen: your great- grandmother? ( laughter ) is she still alive? >> no, that's why. >> stephen: oh. all right, let's build the kids' show, okay? who are the main characters of the show? is there a boy? >> yes! >> yes! >> stephen: is there a girl? >> yes! >> girl, girl, girl, girl. >> stephen: definitely a girl. who else is in the movie? >> john, paul, george, ringo. >> stephen: okay.
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yes, tyler? >> nick cannon. >> stephen: nick cannon. now we're talking star power. >> and the alien! and the alien. >> stephen: hold on one second. hold on one second. you're talking about who the characters are, and he just talked about who we should cast as actors to be the characters. who else should we put in there? >> brooke shields. >> stephen: brooke shields. ( laughter ) >> i know who else we could cast for the movie. >> stephen: who? >> jeff daniels. >> stephen: jeff daniels! okay, great. so now we need to tell the story. okay, our main characters are we got a boy and a girl. how do they meet? antonio? >> they meet somewhere in florida, but in a dark alleyway. >> stephen: okay. yes, annabelle? >> they go, like antonio said, maybe in a dark alleyway. and then the dark alleyway leads into a cave. >> stephen: and what's on the other side of the cave? >> the other side is a magical park. >> stephen: it's really a tunnel. it's not a cave then. it's a tunnel.
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>> okay! >> stephen: okay. is there a villain, someone trying to stop them? >> uhh-- an alien spaceship is going to come out, and a giant alien comes out. >> stephen: okay, good. so, wait, we have to solve-- what's the mystery we're trying to solve? is there money that they found that they don't know where it came from? >> yes! >> stephen: is there something made of gold that they're trying to find? >> yes. >> stephen: yes, gabriella? >> the gold is hidden in an apartment. it was-- it's far away in egypt. and it's so far-- >> stephen: there's gold that's hidden in an apartment in egypt? >> yes. but there's one more piece of gold that they're looking for, and it's in florida. and it's hidden in another apartment. it's hidden-- >> stephen: got it, i got it. let's-- >> it's hidden in a drawer. but another drawer is in it. but it's in the wall. >> stephen: it's a secret drawer behind the drawer? >> yes! >> stephen: got it. all right, are there things like witchcraft or magic or strange events, or is it more real, like the real world? yes, annabelle? >> can there be two witches, a
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good witch and an evil witch? because the evil witch doesn't want them to reverse the curse. >> stephen: yes. >> but the good witch does. >> and the curse is that they turn at night penguins. ( laughter ) >> penguins? >> oh, my gosh. >> stephen: so the curse is that if they do not go get the secret piece of gold from the wall, they will turn into penguins at night? >> yes. >> what about nick cannon? >> stephen: what does nick cannon do? >> he shoots a cannon. >> ( laughs ) >> stephen: are you okay with that, tyler? hold on, one second. focus in, guys. this is really important. i'm really worried about tyler. tyler, you don't look like you like the direction the show is going in. are you okay? we want you to be happy. ( laughter ) was that easy? >> is this better? >> stephen: yeah, but i want you to really be happy.
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you don't... are you happy? >> kind of. >> stephen: okay, good. that's good. so here we are. the story is about a boy and girl who go on a quest to help the good witch look for a piece of gold hidden in a drawer behind another drawer in an apartment somewhere in florida before the evil witch can find it herself. if they don't find it in time, they will be cursed to turn into penguins upon nightfall. on their quest, they end up traveling through a cave that's actually more of a tunnel in a dark alley to a magical park where they meet the beatles, who are fighting a rap-battling alien who is trying to destroy them all. and so, that's the story. what is the name of our tv series? yes, antonio? >> "strangest things." >> stephen: yes, annabelle? >> maybe it could be "a golden mystery"? >> stephen: what if it's called "strangest things: season one: the golden mysteries"? >> yeah! >> no! >> that's good! >> stephen: you like that?
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antonio, would you watch it? >> yes. >> stephen: there it is! >> "strangest things: season one: the golden mysteries"! ( cheers ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we'll be right back with an exclusive trailer for "strangest things" starring... everyone. "strangest things" starring... everyone. everyone's in it! [park announcer] all military members stand and be recognized. sometimes fans cheer for those who wear a different uniform. no matter where or when you served, t-mobile stands ready to serve you. that's why we're providing half off family lines to all military. don't juggle your home life and work life without it. ♪ ♪ don't skip that office meeting for a board meeting without it. don't keep it real...
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back! ladies and gentleman, if you have kids in the room, i should warn you... they're going to think this is awesome. here is the first look at: "strangest things: season one: the golden mysteries!" ( ominous music ) >> from the minds that brought you "teenage war," comes an epic new drama.
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>> hey! >> oh, hi there! brooke shields, nice to meet you. >> jeff daniels. thanks for meeting me here in this dark alleyway. >> an evil witch. >> hush! >> the evil witch. >> how do you know i'm the evil one? >> because your eyes are like-- >> a parallel universe. >> this cave will transport you to a magical park. >> so, it's really more of a tunnel. >> okay, this "tunnel" will transport you to a magical park. ( cackles ) >> i'm john. >> i'm paul. >> my name's george. i'm the quiet one. >> and i'm ringo. >> ( laughs ) >> we are the beatles. >> very famous group band.
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>> we made "sergeant pepper's". >> that's almost a great album. >> an ancient curse. >> (cackles ) beware the curse of nature's most horrifying beast. >> oh, no! it's happening. i'm turning penguin! >> oh, my, they're turning penguin. >> yeah, and i am the walrus. >> and it all comes down to this. >> well, if it isn't paul mccartney. >> we meet again, zylander quark. >> let's settle this the way we do on my home planet. ( hip hop beat ) >> woah! >> ♪ mister macartnay let's start this partay ♪ i'm comin' from a galaxy far away >> wow. >> ♪ maybe i'm amazed, but probably not ♪ you came from outer space, and that's all that you got?
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>> oh! >> ♪ chop that mop top off your head ♪ and make the rumors true paul is dead >> ♪ you can't rap you can't even sing, yo ♪ how can you bring worse lyrics than ringo? ♪ ♪ ♪ >> i have turned them... penguin! >> can you believe i'm the good witch? hello? >> ( squawks ) ( cannon fires ) >> "strangest things: the golden mysteries." >> guys, i was available. >> this summer. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we'll be right back with chadwick boseman. stick around!
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marvel studios' "avengers: infinity war" dave, i think they want everyone to try some. dave, this is bordering on inconsiderate. yup, tastes just like us. aww, c'mon. gee, this is why you weren't my best man, dave. it's really good. mhmm. mangoes agree. snapple mango tea tastes just like them.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back to the show! ladies and gentlemen, my first guest stars in the two biggest movies of the year: "avengers: infinity war," and, of course, "black panther." >> i accept your challenge. >> stephen: please welcome chadwick boseman!
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( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: please! >> that was great! ( cheers ) >> stephen: yeah, yeah. listen, good to see you again. >> it's good to see you, man. >> stephen: we saw each other briefly at the met gala last week. >> right, right. >> stephen: and i gotta say, that everybody there, whatever they were wearing-- male or femaleue had one of the best outfits. >> oh! >> stephen: this is-- come on. look at that. that is... ( cheers and applause )
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i mean, that's-- >> the black pope. >> stephen: yeah, you got to wear a cape. that's fantastic. who was this? who were you wearing? >> versace. >> stephen: versace. very nice, very nice, i lov ver-sace. when you talk about wearing something inspired by the catholic church, it's all men and they wear caips. you can reallibling out as-- i have to say you may have actually out-popeed the pope. >> did i? whoa, whoa. that's blasphemy. >> stephen: no, no, no! i think he's got a sense of humor. i think he needs some gold brocade on his outfit. you could teach hem a lesson or two. >> it was fun because, you know, i play james brown. so i had-- it's the first time i was able to wear a cape since then. >> stephen: sure. sure. >> and he-- he took some of his
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flare and style from sweet daddy grace. >> stephen: okay. >> so i was able to-- which there's like a pimp priest idea in there. ( laughter ) oh, now you see it. >> stephen: so that is-- that is pimp pope right there. >> there you go, there you go. there you go. >> stephen: big popein '. >> yeah, big popein'. >> stephen: what a year. you star in two of the biggest movies of all time. "black panther." and "avengers: infinity war." what's it-- ( cheers and applause ) you are already a successful respected actor. what's it like going from successful actor to superhero? >> oh, man. you know-- i'm the type of actor that sort of-- i enjoy observing people. i enjoy being able to hide. i have pretty much existed in the shadow. like i watch people.
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that's how you play a lot of characters. if you watch people, you can understand how they operate. but i can't really do that as much anymore. ( laughter ) >> stephen: people see you coming? >> they see me coming so, you know, like whereas before, you might recognize me 10 feet away. now it's like you're all the way down the street, and they're like, "that's him! i know it's him!" and they're chasing you. or even driving in your car, and people are chasing you -- >> stephen: what? >> if they notice. yeah, so people have followed me just to, like, do this. ( laughter ) just to do -- >> stephen: not when they're driving i hope because you have to keep them at 10:00 and 2:00 people. >> i've seen people literally grabbing the steering wheel. ( laughter ). >> stephen: i hope-- i hope not on a motorcycle. >> no, no. >> stephen: that would be bad. so let's talk about the wakanda salute for a second. how did that salute come about, by the way? how was this decided on. >> wow, we were doing the scene in the throne room, and ryan
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came to me and was basically like, "we need some way for the king's guard to sort of salute you." >> stephen: i see. >> so we had been talking about these sort of poses, these-- that have, like, ancient meanings. so this was sort of like an egyptian far pharoah. >> stephen: holding the thing-- >> that's exactly right. so it was that idea. and it means a lot of different things. it can also turn into a fighting style at certain moments. so wakanda forever could be wakanda never. step away from me. >> stephen: well, i-- i-- i you probably have done it a million times at this point. is it one arm over the other? which way-- does it matter? >> it's the right over the left. >> stephen: so it's like this, like that? >> yes, yes, yes. >> stephen: now, much was made over this tweet put out by the "avengers." have you seen this? this was a photo put out by the
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official "avengers" twitter page, and people have taken this-- they have interpreted to mean, like, maybe you've done this enough. maybe you've done this enough. >> i thought-- i thought it was -- >> stephen: because this-- this right here is very close to this right here. ( laughter ) i get it. i get it, yeah, yeah. >> i thought that was funny. and i thought it was funny what people were saying. it's like you-- if i was-- because it's a salute, you know. >> stephen: sure. >> if i was in the military and did this every day, i'm not going to do it the same every time. >> stephen: sure. >> sometimes it's more-- it's more pedestrian. yeah, yeah. so that person, whoever i was doing to at that moment, caught a casual one. but three minutes-- three minutes before that i probably did one that was, like, fully! yes! >> stephen: now, in-- in "infinity war" i mean every superhero ever imagined is in
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the movie, other than hawked eye. ( laughter ) and are you performing with other actors, or is it all just ping pong balls on a broomstick? >> it's both. it's both. there are-- i would say it's more moment where's you actually do perform with other actors. and i think there are-- weird times when it's kind of both things at once where, you know, like mark ruff low, for instance, does not look like the incredible hulk in real life. >> stephen: not a big guy. >> so he actually has a suit that he wares that is like a little kid's pajamas, basically. >> stephen: like footy pajamas. >> i think they call it the man-humbling suit. few people wear it, like tom harlow has to wear it for spider-man. >> stephen: the "man humbling"
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suit? is it cold? >> no, but the cold could be involved in some way. but, yeah, it's like-- they sometimes have, like, this pole connected to them so that you look up at maybe a tennis ball -- >> stephen: where the hulk's head is. >> the hulk's should up there. he's standing right in front of me but i have to actually talk to him up there. you hear this voice coming from down here and you're looking up here. it's the hardest thing in the world because every time he speaks you want to look down at him. but he's there. >> stephen: and he's going like, "hulk mad," like stuff like that? is he? is that what he's doing? ( laughter ) is he doing-- yeah. >> if-- if that's what's written, yes. >> stephen: he's a working actor. >> yes. >> stephen: so we meet "black panther" in civil war. you know, of course, "black panther" is all about "black panther." now you're the "avengers." and you're one of the people fighting thanos. but a lot of it's taking place
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in wakanda. >> right. >> stephen: you know, shouldn't it be called, you know, "avengers: black panther infinity wars." >> i should have had you around to negotiate that. >> stephen: yes, absolutely. >> no, no-- right over left. ( applause ) ( laughter ) now, it's a cartoon character, and one of the things that's great about "black panther" is that you've invested it with reality. i can believe that wakanda exists. i can believe that that's a cult that you are exists. how did you invest a cartoon character, very broad, you know, superhero who can, you know, jump over buildings. how did you invest that with reality? >> i think for me, you-- you-- the superhero part of it, the powers that a person has, like, you-- that's an important part of being a superhero.
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but we identify with the humanity. we identify with the fact that they have the same struggles that we have. you know, they have a mother and a father. so it's the back story. it's who are they? like ydoes he respect his father so much, you know. and i, with us, what we had to do was ground it into authenticity that is african. so we, you know, for me it was like, well, what is that particular -- >> stephen: your people came from? >> yeah, or also that i'm limba from sierra leone. what does that mean to me? how i can bring that to the film? and and i think everybody across the board sort of did some sort of research on their characters in that way, you know, set design, wardrobe, you know picking various different aspects of the continent that we love. because you can bring all of that into this place that's
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supposed to be fictitious, but the idea is that, you know, wakanda is a place that everything sort-- could have sort of come from, because they've been around that long. so there's a dispersion throughout the continent. you could pick from anything you love. i spoke of the egyptian reference, you know. there are south african references. references to the doggan and mali. those were like ryan's research, my research, the designers' research, and everybody that played a character, you picked something that you have loved and brought it to the film. >> stephen: what about your fighting style? i understand you got that from a form of boxing i didn't know about. >> that's-- that's-- it's various different, you know, styles used in-- you're speaking of dombe boxing from senegal. >> stephen: that's what i'm talking about. >> yeah, we wanted to have some elements of that in the
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fighting. i feel like some of those poses didn't really stay in the cut yeah, yeah, but we studied it. so that has a sort of, like a jousting -- >> stephen: is this going to hurt? >> no, no, no. so i'm keeping my distance from you. >> stephen: yeah, yeah sure. you better, you better. >> you never know i'm trying play this line and at any point i could come over the top with this right here those legs-- those legs wouldn't be in there. >> stephen: yeah, yeah, that's why you didn't expect it. yeah, yeah. that's what i learned. my family is from ireland. that's how we fought. >> that's how you did it? >> stephen: that's how we fought. it's authentic. >> legs high. >> stephen: legs really high, yeah, yeah. thanks for being here, man. >> thank you. >> stephen: "black panther" is now out on dvd. chadwick boseman, everybody! we'll be right back. sweat.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome back, everybody! welcome back to the show! i gotta say, this is-- this right here is one of the best
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wednesday crowds i've ever heard. >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: right there. i did not think it was possible. i did not-- i told you, i told you-- i did not think this crowd could be better than last night's crowd but somehow they are. it's ibsane. it can't be done. ( cheers and applause ) amazing. welcome back, everybody. i'm sorry if i seem a little rattled, but last week, i got some news that has shaken me to the core, because the swedish government admitted swedish meatballs are actually turkish. ( laughter ) what? what? i haven't been betrayed like this since i found out panda express doesn't serve pand ( laughter ) the swedish ambassador issued the following statement. >> ( gibberish ) bork, bork, bork! >> stephen: a likely story.
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oh, yes, methinks he doth "bork, bork, bork" too much. the country, sweden, itself-- sweden-- made this confession via their national twitter page saying, "swedish meatballs are actually based on a recipe king charles xii brought home from turkey in the early 18th century." i suppose we should have realized the dish was actually turkish. i mean, just look at the first known painting of a swedish meatball. sweden tried to save face by pointing out that the three-point seat belt is a swedish invention! oh, come on! that is lame, sweden. it's like finding out that edison didn't invent the lightbulb, but then going, "but he came up with the original plans for my pillow." ( laughter ) of course, for the nation-- my pillow fans. of course, for the nation of sweden, this is one swift kick in the meatballs. as one swede tweeted, or sweeted, "my whole life has been
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a lie." you're not alone, my friend. this story puts me in mind of the great ingmar bergman film that i think perfectly embodies that feeling. ( laughter ) >> darkness looms. smothering me in a black shroud of gravy. the sweetish meat ball is a farce. god is silent. liar! meat ball. i love you, meatball.
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meatball. ( laughter ) >> all that is left is to crawl into my ikea coffin and die. why is this thing so hard to put together? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we'll be right back. ♪you've got a friend in me.
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marshall tuck for state superintendent. marshall tuck. >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guest will be jake tapper, and musical guests liam payne and j. balvin. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs ed by media access group at wgbh


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