tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS June 15, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
need.. od night. thank you so much for watching. have a great night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> an iowa man says his dog inadvertence lantly shot him while they were roughhousing. the gun fired, striking him in the leg. he was treated at a hospital and released later that day. >> the liberal media wants you to believe guns are dangerous, just because you can be shot by a dog. they want you to think it's ridiculous to give a dog access to an automatic rifle. but here's the thing: unless i misread it, the second amendment guarantees the right for bears to have arms. and what's a bear but a large
dog. so we're calling for all dogs to be armed. after all, the only way to stop a bad with a gun is a good dog with a gun. isn't that right, reilly? who is that, girl you? just went fair walk. mommy can't right now. she's doing a p.s.a. ( laughter ) >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, help wanted at the white house. plus, stephen welcomes thandie newton and betty gilpin featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause )
>> stephen: hey, everybody! yeah, right there! thanks, everybody. yeah. >> stephen: stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: good to see you, jon. >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. ( cheers ) what lovely people. please, have a seat. you're too kind. that's a friday audience right there, my friend. >> jon: a friday crowd right there. >> stephen: they're on fire. gasoline-- somebody light a match. ladies and gentlemen welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) as i said-- friday. it's only on a friday. as i said it is friday. it is the end of a rough week. but don't worry, if you're demoralized by this white house, you're not alone. so is the white house. ( laughter ) according to "the new york
times," "burned-out aides are eyeing the exits, as the mood in the white house is one of numbness and resignation." you think it's better out here? ( laughter ) "numbness" and "resignation" are my two favorite mixers. ( cheers and applause ) mmmm. mmmm. oooh. gotta say, the numbness really makes that go down smooth. ( laughter ) tons of people at the white house are ready to bolt, including trump's chief of staff and shaved uncle sam, john kelly. last week kelly told visiting senators that the white house was "a miserable place to work." how did you not know that going in? (laughter) the writing's on the wall! literally. reince priebus scrawled it in blood. ( laughter ) of course-- i think that was his blood. >> jon: hey! >> stephen: could have been. ♪ so bloody >> stephen: of course, trump has had some trouble
one expert estimates the holding on to staff. administration turnover has been 51%. to put that in perspective, that's 5% more than his share of the popular vote. and too soon is this true? it's getting worse. they it's get worse. according to sources, trump doesn't care. he likes removing any barriers that might challenge him. yes, he hates all barriers-- spell check, the constitution, condoms-- cannot stand them. allegedly. ( laughter ) and, in fact, so many people are leaving this administration that earlier this week, the white house sent out this actual flyer for an "executive branch job fair." oh, good. so now we're staffing the administration the same way j.c. penney recruits at a community college. "okay, mr. johnson, i've got your rez mate right here. it's very impressive. where do you see yourself in five years?
or less with good behavior." now, the flyer was blasted out in an email entitled "interested in a job at the white house?" to which the gmail app offered those cute little auto-suggested responsed like: ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: tastes good! >> stephen: getting a little hungry. and the next person they have to replace might be white house press secretary and woman who just ate a bug because cnn said she didn't, sarah huckabee sanders. ( laughter ) cbs is reporting that hucka-sands told friends she plans to leave the administration at the end of the year. and by "friends," of course, they mean her room full of unblinking porcelain dolls. ( laughter ) and it's-- "i'll call on you when it's your time! sit down, mrs. mus muffins!" and it's not just sanders who might be leaving.
it's also her principal deputy press secretary, raj shah. so trump may have colluded with russia. but he will no longer be colluding with raj shah. ( laughter ) but ( applause ) thank you. thank you. ♪ ♪ ♪ oh, my oh, my >> stephen: please, please sit down. but the white house is pushing back against these claims. hucka-sands tweeted: "does @cbs news know something i don't about my plans and my future? they ran a story about my "plans to leave the white house" without even talking to me. i love my job and am honored to work for @potus." so she unequivocally denies that she's leaving her job. she will be missed. ( laughter ) now i-- you know me, you know me, jon. >> jon: that's right? i hate to be the bearer of bad
news but i'm sorry, i have to report something disappointing right now. a recent attempt at the world's largest orgy fell short of its goal. ( laughter ) yeah, yeah. apparently, not enough people came. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) also, attendance was low. ( laughter ) now, those of you who are plugged into the orgy scene already know that the record was set to be broken at a gathering in las vegas, but we just learned that, despite having more than 1,000 registrants for the event, only 375 people made it to the orgy, falling short of the unofficial record of 500 participants, set in japan. did we really think we were going to beat japan at weird sex stuff?
( laughter ) one word: tentacles. ( laughter ) the whole thing was ruined, because at the last minute, organizers were forced to make two venue changes: from the embassy suites hotel, when news of the orgy upset the hotel operator, hilton. oh, come on! the las vegas hilton was upset about people using their hotel for this orgy? you know people only use your rooms for two things: having sex with someone they met at the flood insurance convention, and getting four hours of uncomfortable sleep after having sex with someone they met at the flood insurance convention. ( laughter ) but the worst part and the most shocking part is how the hotel found out apparently-- and this is true-- "the sex-fest had to scramble for a new venue after stephen colbert pointed out exactly where it would be held." ( cheers and applause ) had to. had to.
♪ yeah yeah ♪ >> stephen: damn. that is the second ornly i've ruined. ( laughter ) it's true. i did talk about the orgy on my show back in may. but i have a message of hope for those of you out there who had your hearts-- and other organs-- set on breaking that orgy record: don't give up. i happen to know of a resort that would be perfect for your writhing, fleshy, sex-pile. it's called mar-a-lago, and i hear the owner is into some sick stuff. ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. thandie newton is here. but when we come back, i help you pick out father's day cards for your dad. you love him! stick around! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ♪
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phenhey, everybody.use ) jon batiste and stay human right over there! ( cheers and applause ) jon, you know,-- jon you know what this sunday is, right? >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: tell the people what this sunday is. >> jon: it is father's day! >> stephen: this sunday is father's day. give it up for the fathers, everybody. and who loves their father? >> jon: i love my father, yes, indeed. >> stephen: that's right. that was not as many people as i was hoping. now, i love my father and i love being a father. i just want to say, for fathers out there, that dad doesn't want you to make a big fuss.
a nice card is plenty. but even the best father's day cards don't always nail it on the first try, which is why tonight we're taking a look at some early efforts at father's day cards in our segment "first drafts"! now, as always for "first drafts," i need a little help. any dads? any dads out here? ( cheers and applause ) dad? are you a dad? are you a dad? come on up. hey! come on up. come on up here! hey! give it up. ( cheers and applause ) sir, have a seat, please. what's your name, sir? >> mohammed. >> stephen: mohaemed of hamid. now, mohammed, are you a father? >> yes, i am. >> stephen: here's your cup of coffee for father's day. >> nice. >> stephen: and here's the television remote. you get to control that on father's day. ( laughter ) are you from new york? >> i'm from cohasset, mass.
>> stephen: you're just visiting? >> i am. >> stephen: for the father's day's weekend. >> father's day and the ede celebration. >> stephen: what does it celebrate? the end of ramadan. >> stephen: it's really the end of something. it would be like us celebrating christmas being over on january 7. >> that's right, that's right. it's kind of weird. >> stephen: what do you do? do you three away trees on ede? >> we don't. >> stephen: it's fun. they burn really well. mohammed, have you ever seen first drafts? >> yes, i have. >> stephen: so you know what we're going to do here. >> stephen: i've got a series of cards. i have the final draft of the card you can buy but i have the first draft that did not go so well so they decide rewrite it. are you on board with the premise of this bit? >> i think i am. >> stephen: i need your help. you'll hold that right there and you'll hand me each of the cards. how many kids? >> five kids. >> stephen: five, wow! >> yeah. >> stephen: good for you.
( applause ) give me the top one right there. the top one right there. how old is the oldest kid? >> you know,. >> stephen: oh, okay. and the youngest? >> eight. >> stephen: nice griping. okay. >> thank you ( laughter ). >> stephen: here's a great father's day's card. this one says, "happy father's day! i'm so proud to call you dad." but the first one said, "please stop calling yourself a dilf." ( laughter ) do you-- do you know what that means? >> i know what that means. ( laughter ) i just wanted to make sure. would you-- would you consider yourself a dilf? >> no comment on that one. >> stephen: no comment. all right. that means he does. ( laughter ) okay, all right, all right, all right. here's one that says, "happy father's day to the worlds greatest grillmaster." do you grill? >> i do grill. >> stephen: oh, yeah?
what's your favorite meat? >> just like burgers. >> stephen: burgers, okay. >> nothing too complicated. but the first draft said, "happy father's day! you know mom cooks dinner almost every night without acting like she deserves a damn trophy." ( laughter ) you set me. >> stephen: is mom out there? >> she is out there. >> stephen: good for you. is he a good dad? awesome dad. okay, good, look at that. you got a blurb. you just got a blurb. >> i know gri would print that on scardz and hand that out. mostly to the whrn when they're not obeying here's. 's a good one: "dad, thanks for teaching me everything i know." but the first draft said, "all i know are monty python quotes, and no woman will touch me." ( laughter ) ( applause ) what do-- what do you want for father's day?
because if you say it now you might get it because they still have a couple of days to get it. >> honestly, i justment a day to myself. that's all i want. ( laughter ). >> stephen: a day to yourself. so for father's day, you want no evidence that you are a father? >> yes. >> stephen: all right, okay. and the remote. this one says, "not all heroes wear capes." you can sign in there if you want. but the first draft said, "not all heroes wear capes. but i think all of them wear pants." ( laughter ) when you get thoam do you go, "ooooh!" >> best feeling. >> stephen: for you. they bring the friends home they're like, "dad." this one says, "happy father's day. how about a game of catch?" but the first draft said, "we never actually played catch.
how about you have a beer at the bar while i do my homework under the pool table?" based on a true story, true story. so you can't eat during ramadan, right? you can't eat or drink no water or no food. >> stephen: sounds like you would be dead at the end of that. you have to some have flewids. >> it's from dawn until sunset. >> stephen: is ede like blow-out food. >> with ramadan you feel what they're feeling every day for a month at least. >> stephen: if you're already poor do you have to do it because you already feel it all the time? >> i don't know. probe. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. i just work here is what you're saying. ( laughter ) "i obey the rules." here's one that says, "happy father's day. i'll always be daddy's little girl." >> audience: oooh! >> stephen: it's super sweet. but the first draft said, "your secondhand smoke stunted my growth." ( laughter ) true. that's sad. >> it is sad.
>> stephen: do you smoke? >> i dod. don't start. >> i won't. >> stephen: i'm talking to you like i'm your father now. okay. what are you guys doing in the city? are you doing anything fun? >> we're just going to do central park. we're going to do all-- we want to try to do the les-touristy things, less times square and more west village. >> stephen: that's nice. sure, hit the clubs. >> hit the clubs with eight-year-olds. >> stephen: how long have you been married? >> i have been married for six years. >> stephen: oh, wow. that's fast. five kids in six years. i'm going to say-- no, no. respect. much respect. ( laughter ) each of you were previously married? >> yes. ( laughter ) >> stephen: okay. here's one that says, "happy father's day, dad. you're one in a million!" but the first draft said, "mom is cheating on you with a lot of guys." ( laughter ) that's not right. >> that's not right.
>> stephen: that is not right. i'm glad they rewrote that one. >> i wouldn't want to get that card. >> stephen: here is the final, final rewrite of the father's day card. thank you so much for being here, mohammed. >> no problem. >> stephen: good talking to you. this one is kind of specific. it says, "happy father's day! because you're my dad, i jump for joy!" but the first draft said, "happy father's day. because you're my dad, i flipped for mueller!" ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) happy father's day, everyone! mohammed! >> thank you. >> stephen: congratulations. happy father's day. you can have this. take that with you. we'll be right back with thandie newton. hear that sizzle? yeah. red lobster's lobster & shrimp summerfest is back! get all the lobster and shrimp you crave, together in so many new ways. there's new cedar plank seafood bake. tender maine lobster and shrimp, cedar roasted to perfection. or new caribbean lobster and shrimp.
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>> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back to the show. my first guest stars in both "solo: a star wars movie" and as maeve in "westworld." please welcome back to the show, thandie newton! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> wow! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back. >> it's so lovely to be here. >> stephen: so nice to see you again. >> just gorgeous. >> stephen: we had such a lovely visit last time when was-- ( whistles ) that was a while ago. that was two days-- was it after the election or after the inauguration? two days after-- >> after the election. >> stephen: two days after the election you were here. it was a shock time. >> there's been a lot of truthiness since then. >> stephen: there sure has. how have you been? >> i've been busy. maybe i've been trying to
distract myself from all of that. but, yeah, i've been so busy. >> stephen: and you have been busy, your family's been busy. >> too busy! >> stephen: i just watched this morning, i don't know-- do you mind if i show this? >> oh, my baby! >> stephen: your daughter who is nico. >> nico. >> stephen: nico is tim burton's live action of dumbo, and your daughter is in it? >> my baby. i can't believe it. >> stephen: she looks so much like you. >> that is the biggest compliment ever. you know when you look in the mirror and you see your kids looking back at you, it's just mind blowing. >> stephen: i don't see my kid when i look in the mirror. i see my-- i see my parents when i look in the mirror. i need to moisturize more. >> ooh. >> stephen: are you excited she wants to be involved in show business? some parents are like, "don't get into this." >> i think a lot of people desperately want them to get involved and i tried to steer
them away. >> stephen: how? how did you gently steer? >> i, obviously, steered her right toward it. but i just-- i think it's a really difficult profession. there's so much rejection. so much competition, especially, you know, between women. it's-- it's a really, really tough place to be. but they spent so much time on sex, that for them it was like, "meh, whatever." they were bored all the time, you know. i was the one saying, "please see mommy doing this." and they were like, "but you do the same thing over and over." so for them, it lost the-- you know, the allure. so, you know, she-- she got into it totally by accident. she had her own youtube channel, and i had no idea. this was when she was 11 and she used to do little tutorials about what she was having for breakfast and what she did on christmas day. anyway, i got a call a casting director in the states saying they had seen my daughter on uyiewb, and was she interested
in auditioning for a movie? and i said no, she's not going to audition it's too scary. and they said can she audition on a cell phone in and the director adored her. nico was none plussed. but when she found out she would have to kiss a 16-year-old boy in the movie she said, "i'm not doing that." so that was, that. and i thought great. whew! we've dodged that bullet. and then back in-- back in england thammond again, a casting director heard that she had been pretty luminous in this screen test, and it was tim burton's "dumbo." and as soon as my kid heard about tim burton and "dumbo," she said yes. and we recorded her on the iphone again and tim burton loved her and that is history. >> stephen: and he directed "mama mia." is there going to be a cameo? >> i wish. all the cast has been selected
because of the first movie. but my husband managed to get cher. >> stephen: so that explains this? >> that explains that! >> stephen: cher is in the movie. >> that was our christmas card. >> stephen: she has a cameo but you don't. are you jealous of cher gihave to compete with-- with cher for my husband's attention right now okay. like, literally, i'm on the phone, "baby, it's our anniversary july 11." "oh, i've got the premiere of "mama mia," in stockholm. "will cher thereby?" hold on a sec. "cher, are you coming to stockholm." it's nuts. i'm like ( sucking sound ). >> stephen: what did you do just do? >> and i was like, "baby, cher is going to be in stockholm and i'm not?" hey, a lot of you out there know exactly what i'm doing.
( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: now you fought back, though. >> i fought back. i tooth sucked hard! >> stephen: your date was ru paul to the premiere of "solo." >> yup! >> stephen: right there. >> i know. because my husband wasn't available for the-- for the premiere of "solo." he was doing resheets of mama mia, so i asked my new bestie. and she loves "westworld--" he. >> stephen: he. i think he identifies as he. >> she, ru paul, his alter ego, loves maeve. that's how we became bestie s. >> stephen: i love maeve. >> do you. >> stephen: i'm watching it right now. i i'm one episode behind. >> lucky you! episode eight is dope! >> stephen: i'll take your word for it, take your word for it. i want to ask you about the episodes that have been happening. the last couple of episode,
especially the shogun world of "westworld." you speak a lot of japanese. >> of the japanese. >> stephen: like long chunks of japanese dialogue. did you speak any dialogue before you did that episode? >> no! >> stephen: it's a really difficult-- many-- >> my butt cheeks were clenched for an entire episode. i was terrified. >> stephen: i was going to ask. i was going to ask. >> yeah! i was terrified because i knew i could not screw it up. maeve has to be perfect. >> stephen: it's a tonal language, too. it's very foreign to our western ears. >> it's completely different. >> stephen: how-- how long did it take you to get that down? >> well, i had about three weeks to prepare. but by the end, they were adding scenes the day before, you know, lines of dialogue. but once i had the kind of structure of the language and, you know, it's about body language. for women it's very, very modest, modest language. you can't have your tongue in front of your teeth, you know. there's -- >> stephen: really? >> the chin is down. and it's a-- it's a lot to do
with the whole dance of the body. and once i had that, i was pretty-- i was pretty... i had it. it was good. >> stephen: well, i'm certainly impressed. i'm certainly impressed. i had to sing a song in korean once. i learned awe fair amount of korean. and i worked with a korean language coach to study the-- to learn the words to the song. and i would say it back to her, and no matter how i would do it i would say, "is that-- is that close enough?" and she would say, "no, it is very bad." and you. >> and you can't believe it. you think you're doing a good job. >> stephen: exactly, perfectly right. you're also in "solo" ( cheers and applause ) and it premiered at cannes. >> yes, it did. >> stephen: i just want to point out how biefl-- who made this dress that you're wearing on the red carpet. >> i had a dream that i wanted to do this. i play with my little boy, with all the people of color from the "star wars" legacy, and when i
realized i was the first woman of color really to have a lead role, i thought, you know, this is because all the people that have-- that have struggled up until this point, you know. i wanted to honor them. and then i asked vivian westwood if she would collaborate on a gown. this wonderful photographer took a photo of my kids' toys. >> stephen: you can push in? the dress is covered with images of all the-- >> all the men. >> stephen: all the toys. there's john boyaga, right there. >> all the boys of color who appeared in the legacy, and they all fit on one dress which is, you know. there you go. but there they are. and it was so sweet. the next day sam jackson tweeted a response saying, "thank you for taking a brother to the cannes film festival." it was really sweet. because it is about the people that have come before us. everything that we do. the people that have struggled. and so often-- i think now we're in such a-- we are in an "everything now" generation
where people tend to not think about history. and really we need to look back and see the greatness that has come before. >> stephen: do you have an actor or actress you look up to, your actor or actress who is your hero. >> isabelle lupierre. >> stephen: she's still performing. >> absolutely. and her work with michael hanikerr. i am perplexed. >> stephen: perplexed by how good she is? >> him and her. and i think most other acting on pals in comparison. >> stephen: would you like to work with her? >> like sometimes you want those heroes to always be distant. like i couldn't-- no. no. i want that to be a place of reverence and a place that i'm always trying to get to as opposed to-- i don't want to ever get there. that would-- that would-- you know, i always want to be in awe of what i'm doing and the people they feel do it a hell of a lot better than i do.
>> stephen: well, i disagree. thank you so much for being here. >> oh, it's lovely to be here! >> stephen: "westworld" airs sundays on hbo. thandie newton, everybody! we'll be right back! ♪ if i can do it, you can too if i can do it, you can too ♪ ♪ see life, life is a moment ♪ the story doesn't need the writer's involvement ♪ ♪ so edit this for me ♪ don't embellish and twist it, please ♪ ♪ don't embed it in mysteries ♪ edit this for me ♪ 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2
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>> stephen: folks, you've seen my next guest in "nurse jackie" and "american gods." she currently stars in "glow." please welcome, betty gilpin! ♪ ♪ >> hi! >> stephen: hi, ya. nice to meet you? >> nice to meet you, too. >> stephen: as i said before, you're in "glow," the gorgeous ladies of wrestling. that's an energetic endeavor. you must really be working up a sweat out there. >> yeah, it's a little crazy. it's a strange turn for my life to take. i was definitely not an athletic child or adult. >> stephen: did you play any sports? did you play-- >> no, i was definitely like the sort of cringiest combination possible in high school of a theater nerd and, like, a phish
fan stoner. >> stephen: hacky sack, i'm going to guess? >> no, no. >> stephen: because i think phish fan. >> that was a little before my time, hacky sack -- >> stephen: okay! >> sorry, sorry. sorry, stephen. >> stephen: don't touch me! >> no, but i was definitely more like, "careful, i have rehearsal." instead of like-- yeah. >> stephen: no sports at all? >> i did-- i kind of sat in the outfield in softball and, like, braided blades of grass. >> stephen: to sell at the phish concerts. >> for sure. >> stephen: this this there are pile drivers and backbreakers. do you have to lift up the other gorgeous ladies? >> yeah. >> stephen: that can't be easy. >> it's really fun, actually. i think a lot of female exercise these days, there's a lot of exercise classes that are, like, male --
>> stephen: go back? male gaysy car accident classes. >> like we gotta work this or no man is ever going to love us! and i think -- >> stephen: i get the male gaysy. what's the car accident part. >> those classes can feel like a car accident. there's purple lighting. there's ke$ha. it's too much. >> stephen: do you put hot yoga in there? >> a little grit bit, yeah. but wrestling, i'm exerer sizing so i can lift allison brie and slam her on the ground. >> stephen: wow. you have-- have you hurt yourself? >> yeah, i mean, you know, my body definitely feels, after "glow," like a 95-year-old pony who fell down the stairs, for sure. it's not a safe sport. >> stephen: you have to put that pony down, unfortunately. that pony is headed to the glu factory. you have hurt allison brie?
>> no, she's good. >> stephen: i-- i-- i am no great athlete. i get skittish being picked up. i don't enjoy being picked up. >> okay. >> stephen: i'm afraid that i'll fall on my neck or something like that. do you ever get scared doing it? does anything still-- does anything scare you? >> yeah, weird stuff. this is such an actressy thing. but i had a swegz an astrol ger recently. and she said-- everything she said was totally spot on. it was super weird and eerie. and then she's like, "do you have any questions?" i was like, "yeah, i guess i'm surprised you didn't mention anything about depression. that's a parent of my life." and she popped a snack in her mouth. "let's attack a look." you know what it is. you're a portal for ghosts." ( laughter ) >> stephen: wait. this was to calm you down? this was to calm you down? >> yeah, yeah. she was like, "any time you think you're feeling depressed it's just a ghost passing through your body."
i was like, "all right." and recently i shot -- >> stephen: did that help? >> i mean, i think it's kind of cool. although, ghosts terrify me. the "sixth sense" like ruined my life. i still rush and run into bed. i just shot a horror movie and they put me up in a haunted hotel. >> stephen: come on! >> it wasn't all right. >> stephen: did they know it was haunted? >> yes, the hotel was very proud of it. on their website they had, "enjoy our spa and our ghosts!" knowing i'm a ghost portal i spent the whole time being like, "no, no, no, no." >> stephen: "glow" is clearly-- it's a big hit. this is season two. season three happening? >> we don't know. >> stephen: this has to be a high point in your career. >> yeah. it could be all downhill from here. >> stephen: what's the low point? i'm interested in the low point. i had them. i was like, "please, medicate
me." >> for sure. i studied theater, and in theater school you get to do all these crazy, exciting things and play, you know, hamlet in space! and, you know, just do the-- get to use every tool in your actor's toolbox. and then graduating, especially when you, you know, look like britney spears' mean aunt, in terms of, like, the roles out there, like, one of my first auditions was for alien versus preddor 2, which i was really excited about. but the scene was-- they were like it's a nonspeaking role. i was like, "absolutely." ( laughter ) and they were like, "you are going to do two takes. your job is to mime disrobe ago mime disrobing by a pool-- look up and see alien. and then take two, you mime disrobing, look up, and see preddor, and just make them different. just do two different things." >> stephen: i hate to take you
back to a dark time, but would you-- you don't have to mime the disrobing, but could you just-- just maybe look at camera two right here, or maybe three right over there. ready? look up and see preddor, and then look up and see the alien. >> i was definitely committed to showing them that i was a real actor. >> stephen: okay. >> so in the first one i think i got-- i got lost in a loving memory and then looked up. so this is me getting lost in a loving memory. >> stephen: and seeing what? >> alien. >> stephen: good. >> oh, my god! ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> stephen: oh, my god. >> oh, my god! >> stephen: that's like your mother-in-law just walked in on you. now give me predator, if you've got it. >> i think i was like, "maybe mckenzie needs lasix surgery and she can't see what she's seeing. it was like... ( laughter )
aaahhh! ( applause ). >> stephen: and-- i hesitate to ask, but did you get the part? >> i didn't, no, no. >> stephen: oh. >> no. no feedback. >> stephen: "alien versus predator 3." >> please! >> stephen: so nice to meet you. thank you for being here. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: season two of "glow" premieres june 29 on netflix. betty gilpin, everybody! we'll be right back! you're so old. [crunch!] give dad the perfect gift's and get kohl's cash! give him an anti-gravity chair or google home - and get kohl's cash. give him the fitbit ionic - and you'll get $50 kohl's cash! plus shop other great gifts storewide! the more you spend
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome back to "the late show,"" everybody. well, we've done it. we've come to the end of yet another week. what a week it has been-- we've laughed, we've cried, we've left time for commercials. this is the best of this week's. of. >> obviously, he's a pretty smart cookie. he's a very smart guy. you know, he's a strong guy.
he's got a very good personality. he's funny. >> stephen: funny? ( laughter ) mr. president, when they talk about how much kim jong-un kills, they're not talking about his new comedy central special "kim jong-un-censored." >> jon: oh! >> stephen: after a brief one-on-one meeting, the two leaders got down to the most important item on the agenda-- lunch. ( laughter ) including "korean stuffed cucumber." well, there's your headline: "trump aept a vegetable." ( cheers and applause ) wow! they said it couldn't be done! >> a good picture, everybody so we look nice and handsome and thin. perfect. beautiful. ( laughter ). >> stephen: that-- that is the face of a man really hoping the translator got that wrong. ( laughter ) the word is you guys were
shopping a show where the two of you would debate issues of the day on television. word is you took it to cnn, you took it to msnbc. you had to slum over here, we were the ones -- >> look, look, let me say two things. i don't have a lot of rules in my life, but one of the rules sinever do a show with a guy who's first name is duh. >> see, i actually thought we were doing a show, and it was going to be the male version of "thelma and louise." that's what i thought. but i don't know. >> stephen: well, this administration is certainly driving the country off a cliff right now, so that would--... even in, like, the popcorn movie "thor" you are an astrophysicist. >> played! i played those. >> stephen: but you went to harvard. you're an actual smarty-pants. >> i don't know. i guess yes. >> stephen: are you saying they let dummies into harvard? >> i mean... >> stephen: you actually graduateed in the same class as jared kushner, didn't you? >> that is correct.
>> stephen: there is huge news in the mueller investigation investigation,ex-trump lawyer michael cohen is likely to cooperate with federal prosecutors. yes, michael cohen is going to sing leak a canary, which is ironic, because it is trump that actually looks like one. ( laughter ) now-- ( whistling ) ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: we'll be right back, everybody!
late show." join me next week when i'll be joined by josh brolin, trevor noah, and seth rogen. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show ( band playing ) >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from melbourne, australia,e