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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  June 22, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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captioning sponsored by cbs >> recreational marijuana will be legal in canada this fall. the exact date: october 17. lawmakers gave final passage to the bill, making canada only the second country in the world ton. ♪ ♪ >> now that canada has legalized pot, it may seem tempting to go get high and far out with your moose mates. well, think again. canadian marijuana is a gateway to other canadian behavior. today, your taking a tote. tomorrow, you're toting a toque. next thing you know you're
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mainlining poutine, lumberjacking, and slurping the amber dragon. ( laughter ) don't think it can happen to you? check out this average joe from skokie, illinois. he took a trip to saskatchewan to visit his girlfriend, mary jane. now look at him. >> ♪ when i'm calling youuuuu ♪ chickity china, the chinese chicken ♪ you have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' ♪ >> sickening. so, parents talk to your kids about canadian weed. otherwise you'll be soaring... eh? ( band playing ) >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." plus, stephen welcomes seth rogen and comedian danny jolles. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: hey, everybody! thanks, everybody! you got-- you got-- you got to love a friday audience, jon. ( cheers and applause ) every friday. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. happy friday! ( cheers and applause ) you're already there. thank god it's friday. it's the end of another jam-packed week in america. and we're really only talking about one story. it's the sad one down south. but other things happened in the last week-- for instance, robert mueller is locking people up. i'll catch you up on the latest on tonight's russian roundup. >> yee-haw. >> >> stephen: thank you, vlad.
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first, there's trouble for former trump campaign chairman, and zombie corleone, paul manafort, because last week a judge "revoked manafort's bail and sent him to jail to await trial." but he's got a strategy. he's gonna find the meanest-looking guy in the prison yard, walk right up, and help him run for president. this is a big deal. manafort was trump's campaign manager all the way to the convention. if they were any closer, they'd be wearing one long tie. it's umbilical. it's umbilical. but now that his old campaign chairman and chief strategist is going to the big house, trump remembers their relationship a little differently. differently. >> manafort has nothing to do with our campaign. you know, paul manafort worked for me for a very short period of time.
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he worked for me-- what, for 49 days or something? >> stephen: "or something," if "something" means five months. "paul manafort? barely know him. brought me coffee, ran my campaign for 150 days. what's his name was, fat manatee?" but there is some good news for if he's found guilty, manafort faces 305 years in prison. really? 305 years? i think by year 300, the guy has learned his lesson. but with that sort of jail sentence hanging over him, everyone is wondering how manafort will hold up under questioning. >> so to be clear, mr. trump has no financial relationships with any russian oligarchs? >> that's what he said-- that's-- that's what he said. that's obviously what our position is. >> stephen: mr. president, run. ( laughter ) and another trump associate has admitted to collusion. this time, it's trump friend and bizarro harry potter, roger stone. recently, stone revealed a new contact with a russian national
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during the 2016 campaign, bringing the new total to at least 11 trump associates or campaign officials who have acknowledged interactions with a russian. but, hey, who's counting? robert mueller is. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) last year-- he's got-- last year, roger stone adamantly denied any russia connection. >> i've never been to russia. i didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign. i'm not sure i did previously, either. i very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a russian without my knowledge. no, i think it's a canard. >> stephen: it's a canard."
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to which i say: "canarder, canarder, pants on farder." ( laughter ) i don't know what that means, but that's what i said. speaking of people who have met with russians, there's a new profile of presidential son and guy counting how many times his father hugged him, don jr. and it gives us some new details in what's going on in don jr.'s strangely wet head. according to one source close to junior, now that mueller is looking into the infamous trump tower meeting, d.j.t.j. "regrets taking the meeting. does he regret it because he thinks he did something wrong? no. he regrets it because it ended up causing a situation that wasted a lot of time and money," which, coincidentally, is the motto on the trump family crest. ( laughter ) and this is how the article sums up the essence of the man that donald trump certain calls "what's his name?"
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one source said that "don jr., like seemingly everyone else in trump's orbit, was uselessly trying to impress a man who can only be impressed by himself." "he's hustling and trying to do what he can to contribute but without knowing where the lines are. he's a sad and tragic figure." aw, my heart goes out to that poor russia-colluding, wife-cheating, conspiracy-theory-tweeting son of a billionaire. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) in the words of a great poet, "womp, womp." ( laughter ) well, i'm excited about the first friday of summer you guys. this is it. yesterday was the longest david year. today, first part of summer. that's exciting. summer in america means one thing-- that is baseball, baby. but that trip to the ballpark might come with a new hazard, because earlier this week, the phillie phanatic shot a woman in
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the face with a hot dog gun, sending her to the hospital. now, before we do jokes about this story, the woman is okay. in fact, she says if "it gives people a good laugh, and if that makes somebody chuckle, then that's fine." ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> jon: yeah! take me out to the game! >> stephen: okay, it's open season on this nice lady's meat-induced facial injury. here we go. it all started on monday night, when kathy mcvay was having a great time at the phillies/cardinals game when the phillie phanatic rolled out onto the field with his hot dog launcher and started firing away into the stands. he's just using a pneumatic gun to launch high-velocity beef directly at people's faces ( laughter ) you know what? america is great again. ( laughter )
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( cheers and applause ) but... >> he shot it in our direction, and bam! it, like, hit me like a ton of bricks. my glasses flew. it just came out of nowhere. it was, like-- >> and hard! >> and hard! i never thought a hot dog could hurt! ( laughter ) >> stephen: yes, yes, generally hot dogs are safe, unless you eat them. ( laughter ) now, i know what you're saying, "stephen, i've been hit in the face with thousands of hot dogs, and i never got hurt." well, keep in mind that the "phanatic shoots real hot dogs, but they are wrapped in duct tape." see, every town does hot dogs different. new york style is mustard and sauerkraut; chicago, pickles, tomato wedge, relish, no ketchup; and in philadelphia,
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hot dogs are wrapped in duct tape and launched at high velocity into your eye socket. okay? ( laughter ) the phillies-- the phillies-- the phillies -- >> jon: brotherly love right there. >> stephen: that's a slow build. ( applause ) i could go for one. the phillies have offered mcvay tickets to another game when she feels better. ( laughter ) that's nice. that's nice. unfortunately, those tickets are for "corn dog sniper night." ( laughter ) and check out this footage. here's the phanatic perpetuating his reign of terror on the unsuspecting crowd. this violence will not stand, and we have to call it what it is: radical phillie phanatacism. e onlyose th )
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lot spac ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. seth rogen is here let's do it!
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( band playing ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody. >> jon: oh, yeah! >> stephen: thank you, jon. thank you, matty. thank you, joe. unbelievable.
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noed"tishe end," ctor of a'sach. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: hey. hey, nice to have you back. >> good to be here. hi, yes, thank you. >> stephen: now, there's a huge congratulations in order pause-- you're canadian. >> i am canadian. ( applause ). >> stephen: and this week, canada voted to legalize marijuana. >> yes. recreational marijuana was legalized in canada this week. >> stephen: only the second country in the world to do it. >> yeah, making it a specifically good week to be a canadian person, i would say. >> stephen: yes. >> for many reason s. >> stephen: right. >> for more than-- i mean, yeah, this week trump made prisons for
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kids and canada legalized recreational marijuana. so that's-- i don't know if there's an official grade grading system for the weeks a country has had. >> stephen: you're running up the score. >> that was a good week for canada, in my opinion. >> stephen: now that marijuana is legalized, you can return to your home planet? >> i feel like it's one of those things i manifested, like, i wanted it so badly -- >> stephen: you're an avatar of "what's the big deal?" >> it is the reasonable thing to do. it is something that can enhance the lives of people-- it's enhanced my life since i was 13 years old, i honestly think ( laughter ). >> stephen: 13. >> and that's probably too young for most people to start enhancing their lives. but for me it's good. it's more regulated in canada but anyone who is above the legal age can buy it recreationally, which is a huge win and a step forward in the good direction, and i can't wait to go back to canada.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, okay-- as i said, as i said, welcome back. we had a lovely time with you last time. the last time you were here we had a little fun. you had your phone and for some reason-- and i don't know why. >> why, yeah. >> stephen: donald trump jr. was following you. >> on twitter, yeah. >> stephen: and you followed him. so we dm'd him. >> we messaged him. he never responded. >> stephen: that was my question. i think the d.m. we sent was, "why aren't you responding to me? why are you being so cold about it?" he ghosted you. >> he ghosted my ass. it's okay because other members of the republican party have been reaching out to me recently. >> stephen: that's good. >> i got a phone call from mitt romney, recently, which was a weird call to get. >> stephen: sure. are you sure it wasn't a robocall. >> exactly. he is a little-- he's not the loosest of guys, i guess you would say. and when you're talking to him you realize the name "mitt" say
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weird name. like, it's-- it's one of those things where "mitt romney" is not that weird. but calling a guy, "so mitt," that's a weird thing to say. >> stephen: what is it short for? >> it must be short for mittens. that's what mitt is short for. >> stephen: our mittue. >> baseball midst. i don't know. >> stephen: he cold calls you out of the blue. >> yes. it's for a very nice reason. he holdaise giant summit every year where he invites speakers from all across-- from both political affiliations -- >> stephen: and canadians. >> and canadians to talk about a certain thing every year, and this year the subject was brain health. and i have a charity for alzheimer's. and he invited me to talk about alzheimer's, which was, honestly, very nice. >> that's nice. >> and i thought it's a good chance to kind of, you know, reach across the aisle as it were. so i went there, and almost all
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>> sphen: makes sense.ere ndd i was-- i'm okay with that. and so i-- but i didn't know how i would react, honestly, in every situation. so i was put into a weird-- in a bit of a pickle, wherein at one point two young-- very young, like, very young, white, teenaged men-- think how white they were if i noticed how white they were. ( laughter ) because i'm white! i'm canadian. we're the whitest people. and so-- and they asked to take a picture with me. they were maybe, like, 16, 17. >> stephen: fans. >> fans. very nice fans. clearly fans of mine. and then they said, "our dad wants to meet you." and i turned around and paul ryan was walking towards me. >> stephen: okay. how did that go? >> well, i didn't-- i-- i-- my whole body puckered, as it were. i tensed up. ( laughter ) and i kind of-- i mean-- and i
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didn't know what to do. and he came over, just grabbed my hand. and i'm just, like, shaking his hand i don't know what to do. and he said, "can i have a picture with you?" and i look over and his kids are standing right there expectantly, clearly fans of mine, and i said, "no way, man!" ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: oh, no. oh, no! oh, no! >> and i couldn't-- and i couldn't stop. and i said, "furthermore, i hate when you're doing to the country at this moment, and i count the days till you no longer have one iota of the power that you currently have." ( cheers and applause ) and i look over and his kids are still standing right there! and i feel very conflicted about this. >> stephen: sure, sure. >> at this moment. >> stephen: because it's not their fault.
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>> it's not their fault, but at the same time, they should probably learn if they like a movie or song, the person who made that probably doesn't like their dad that much. ( laughter ) unless they're watching, like, "roseanne" reruns or something like that. maybe. in that instant i felt very-- honestly, i don't know how i feel. i'm glad i didn't take a picture with paul ryan. my hand-- i touched him. so i don't know how i feel about that. and i feel eye don't know, his kids seemed lovely and very caucasian. and that is mostly my takeaway from the thing. and then i had to go up and speak right after. i was vibrating from that interaction. and anthony scaramuchi was also there. and so i get up on stage, and he's, like the first face i lock in on. >> stephen: you can see him right there. >> and i'm talking about alzheimer's, which is hard to make jokes about, but i thought i would take a swing at it. i said, "we're here to talk about alzheimer's which
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potentially, anyone who has a brain, it's a potential threat. so anthony scaramuchi is in the clear." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> don't get carried away. and then what's funny is the next day, i did not speak to anthony scaramuchi, i got off the stage -- >> stephen: at all? >> no. so i left, and the next day i got a call-- my talent agent called me and said, "i just got a call from anthony scaramuchi. he said he met you at this conference, that you really hit it off, and that you told him to
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call me about some potential projects." and i said, i told this (bleep) he had no brain! >> stephen: but he couldn't remember that you said that because he has no brain. >> he has no brain. i fell into my own trap logically there. >> stephen: huh... >> eventful week. >> stephen: you're glad you went. >> i'm glad i went. many fromming smart doctors remark side from anthony scaramuchi. i want to thank mittens for inviting me. >> we have to take a commercial break, but don't go what because when we come back i want to ask you about the president's trip to north korea because you know something about that. >> i do. >> stephen: we'll be right back with seth rogen, everybody.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: ladies and 're here with our friend seth rogen. i want to talk about something else that is political, but it's geopolitical. the first time i met you was at the old gig, and that's when the movie "the interview" was not coming out. >> that night literally. >> stephen: sony had just said we're not going to release "the interview" because the north koreans, maybe we'd go to war. it was really serious. you and james franco made the movie that we forget was an international incident. >> it was. >> stephen: there were threats of expriens war and people's careers were ruined. now when you see our president over there shaking hands going, "great guy." how does that feel for to you watch that because you have some insight into what these people are capable of. >> yes, it is surreal. because our movie is about an
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ego maniacal tv host who gets invited to north korea to meat its leader, and he does it in an attempt to gain legitimacy on a global scale, and when he gets there he's tricked into thinking he's a super-nice guy. and that's what happened in real life! >> stephen: that's true. >> except in the movie, we have a third act where he finds out he's bad. except that didn't happen. that part didn't happen. and it's also crazy. we did a lot of researchinar movie, and i watched the president talk to him and i'm like, i know i did more research than this guy. >> stephen: he says it's mostly about attitude. >> yeah! it's so weird. kim jong-un did call me a gangster filmmaker, which i know he meant as an intult of sult but it is the coolest thing anybody has sent about me to this day. >> stephen: a nuclear armed mad man calling you a gangster
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film make the last time you were here, you were here to talk about "preacher." is this season two or season 33? >> season three is starting. >> stephen: it has been noted more the level of gore. >> it's a gory show. >> stephen: explain what "preacher" is? >> it's very complicated. it's about a preach who are is imbued with the spirit of an offspring of an angel and a demon which gives him the power to tell anyone what he says they'll have to do it. at the same time, he's found out that god has gone missing from heaven, and he teams up with his girlfriend, who is a hit woman, and his best friend, who is a vampire. and they go trying to find god. ( laughter ). >> stephen: it's-- it's an eternal story. >> exactly. it's been told so many times we thought we'd do our stab at it. >> stephen: okay, so it's pretty gory. >> it's been protes >> stephen: really. >> by several religious groups. >> stephen: vampires.
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>> vampires jesus is a character on the show. >> stephen: really? is he a good guy? >> it's the inbred offspring of jesus. >> stephen: oh, good god. so you can see why people would have a problem with that. >> stephen: yes, i can. okay. what can we expect this season, seth rogen? ( laughter ). >> well, hitler a a big character on the show. and i'm not joking. mercedes won't advertise. but, yeah, this season-- it's true. they won't. that's an actual legitimate -- >> stephen: i feel you. >> that's a problem we have. but this season, jessie if you don't know the show what i'm about to say makes no sense. sp! >> exactly, he's reunited with his family, with jodie, who is the man who killed his father.
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and he's being thrown back into an old life that he's been trying to hide from for years and years and years. >> stephen: we have a clip here. do you want to tell me what's has gone. >> jesse, has returned to his hometown and he's trying to avoid people from his past as his cousin is trying to steal a piece of a soul-stealing machine. ( laughter ). >> stephen: just run the clip. >> do i know you? >> maybe. you take communion? church of the blessed virgin? >> no, man, i don't know no blessed virgin. >> then i guess you don't know me. >> that's too bad, preacher, because i know this truck. >> just like old times, right, kid? got your transport. let's go. ( tires squealing ). >> stephen: preacher.
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>> it's hard to find a clip. >> stephen: we've got to take a little break. we've got to take a little break. when we come back, seth and i-- seth and i are going to hot box. stick around. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) plaque psoriasis can be relentless. your plaques are always there at the worst times. constantly interrupting you with itching, burning and stinging. being this uncomfortable is unacceptable. i'm ready. tremfya® works differently for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. with tremfya®, you can get clearer and stay clearer. in fact, most patients who saw 90% clearer skin at 28 weeks... stayed clearer through 48 weeks. tremfya® works better than humira® at providing clearer skin and more patients were symptom free with tremfya®. tremfya® may lower your ability to fight infections, and may increase your risk of infections. before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back to "the late show." we're here with seth rogen. seth, i really enjoy talking to you, but even in the best of an interview in front of an audience can seem kind of formal and i'd really like to know what it's like to be alone with the real seth rogen. >> totally. >> stephen: would you mind-- would you want to have a more private personal conversation giwould love that. yeah, that would be so nice. i've wanted that as well. ( laughter ). >> stephen: well great. then join me now in "the late show's personal space"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: all right, seth, this is "the late show" personal space." i'll see you inside the box. is. >> do you take your glasses off. >> stephen: no. >> you go glasses on. >> stephen: no, i'll take them
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off. >> wow. very small. >> stephen: hey! >> how's it going. >> stephen: it smells kind of good in here. >> it's not bad. it's boxy. >> stephen: it's like you're playing in the box after christmas morning. it's really nice. >> it's slowly starting to smell like mouth and face, though. >> stephen: do you put anything in your beard to make it smell good? >> they offered me oil but i declined. >> stephen: really? do you not oil your beard? >> i have oiled it in the past. but this time i did not oil my beard. >> stephen: why did you stop oilg it, because it makes it more flammable. >> i do keep an open flame around my face area. >> stephen: really? why do you have an open flame around your face, seth rogen. >> i light a lot of candles. >> stephen: thanks for joining me in the personal space. >> no problem. >> stephen: you don't have to yell in here. shhh. bring it down. bring it down. >> i tend to project. >> stephen: shhh. yeah. obviously, the first question
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is... >> yeah? >> stephen: and i have to ask this. are you high right now? ( laughter ) ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( coughing ) oh, no! oh, god! i'm sorry. >> stephen: aaah. >> oh, god! but, yes, now i am. and according to science, you probably are, too, a little bit. >> stephen: you were on "freaks and geeks." >> i was. >> stephen: so, only, the question is are you a geek on the streets but a geek in the sheets? ( laughter ). >>im i'm a freak on the streets and a geek in the sheets. ( laughter ) in that a wear a pocket
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protector when i make love exclusive. i'm still talking too loud. >> stephen: is the word "pocket" a euphemism for you? >> yes my butt. >> stephen: do you think people are staring at our butts? >> what are you doing with your hands? >> stephen: i'm knitting a sweater right now. i wanted to let you know something. i want to be honest with you? >> my temptation is to rest my forehead against yrs. q. go ahead and do it.>> i'm re, but figive to into it -- >> stephen: i feel like this is some sort of tribal inishation we're going through right now. >> this is how chimpanzees say hi. >> stephen: and one of us has to be ceremoniously mounted. >> we're in the position for it. >> stephen: i want to know, guy to guy, when americans say
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canadians are nice, we mean weak. >> i know. >> stephen: all right. >> i'm aware of that. >> stephen: all right. what do you say about us? >> we're scared-- we're generally scared of american s. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. canadians are a little frightened of americans. >> stephen: do you-- the interview almost started a war. >> it dyeah. a nuclear war. >> stephen: almost started a nuclear war. obviously, so good that that didn't happen. >> it is nice that that did not occur. >> stephen: but at the time, did you think it's kind of cool? >> i did think if the world has to end, this is a funny way for it to go down. ( laughter ) at least-- at least ironic. alanis morissette would have appreciated it. >> stephen: she's canadian, too, right? >> she it. that's why i said that. i have to mention three canadians during each interview. >> stephen: are you hungry at all? >> i just smoked some weed so a little bit.
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whoa! we're "lady and the tramping" it. ( cheers and applause ) >> we're tipping the box. >> stephen: the camera's still there. >> if this isn't on camera, it's really not worth it. ( laughter ). >> stephen: your beard looks good. >> my beard tiblged your face a little bit. >> stephen: comb that a little bit? >> your hair smells nice. >> thanks. >> yeah. >> stephen: thanks very much. >> smells very good. >> stephen: well, seth, thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me, man. >> stephen: i feel like you and i know each other better than we did. >> that's undeniable. >> stephen: "preacher" season three starts when?
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>> june 24. >> stephen: that's this sunday? >> on amc. seth rogen, everybody! we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) with some zen gardening. at least we don't have to worry about homeowners insurance. just call geico. geico helps with homeowners insurance? good to know. been doing it for years. that's really good to know. i should clean this up. i'll get the dustpan. behind the golf clubs. get to know geico. and see how easy homeowners and renters insurance can be. what does life look like during your period? it's up to you, with tampax pearl. you get ultimate protection on your heaviest days and smooth removal for your lightest. tampax pearl and pearl active. for up-to 100% leak-free work outs. why shop marshalls? because... their prices will thrill you.
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whoo-hoo! the brands will surprise you. mwah! and every trip feels like an instant victory. woman: marshalls. never boring. always surprising. peninsula trail? you won't find that on a map. i'll take you there. take this left. if you listen real hard you can hear the whales. oop. you hear that? (vo) our subaru outback lets us see the world. sometimes in ways we never imagined. want to try out my time machine? it runs on doritos. [dog barks] sure. so now what? gotta put the whole bag in. okay. yes! it's really working, jimmy! [humming, thumping] [humming] [thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life!
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get out of my yard! [birds chirping] jimmy? you're so old. [crunch!] it's the future!
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♪ ♪
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a stand-up comedian. please welcome danny jolles. >> hi ♪ ♪ hello! oh, man! ( applause ) ♪ ♪ >> it felt excessive, but thank you so much. that was so nice. how are you? oh, all right. sweet, man. i'st here talk about one thing, and then i'll go, but i don't know, i think we live in this time where we kind of cut
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people out of our lives that are different than us. you want to know a group most people in this room hate that i love? the bros. feel the energy in this room right now. when i said the word "bro." you all hate him. why? does everybody know what i mean when i say "bro?" backwards hat, tight shirt, beer, sports, chicks! that guy. do we all know bros. i get it because they come in a room hot. they come in loud. i'm small. i got beta friends. my friends get scared because they come in loud. they're like, "what's up!" and my friends are like, "aaahhh!" and i'm always like, "no, no, no, it's just the dog." bros are the dogs of humans. they're just loud because
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they're excited they might make a friend. bros walk into a room, who wants to be my friend? where can i pea? i can hump her?" ( applause ) that's just a golden retriever. there's no need to panic. think about-- think about how hard it is to make friend as an adult. i don't know about you guys, i find it really hard to make new friends, unless i'm with a bro. then i just say anything near him and he's like, "wait, you breathe air. i love oxygen, bro!" that's my new buddy for the day ifiment him. that's not so terrible. now, are there some bad bros out there? yes, there are. not here to fight buthat. some bad bros. don't have to name names. ( laughter ) but there's bad dogs. there's good dogs. there's good bros. you ever met a good brolike in a
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bar. he yells "roe v.wade!" what was that? there is an epidemic in this country right now of proggive bros. if you haven't met one yet, get gto your local sports bar. they're there and they're beautiful. think progressive heart of a bro. so progressive-bro. you'll hear him, "bro, the other night, met this chick hsex all night, bro! sex all night! got her an uber. made sure she got home safe." friend's like, "you got consent." "i got consent all night!" high-five. i'll get heavier with it, if you want. we had-- we had an election in this country about a year and a
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half ago. i don't know-- i don't know if you guys heard about this. ( laughter ) they barely talk about it. it was-- it was this election tdidn't go very well for progressives. i happen to be a progressive guy, we had a little oopsy-doodle. but i try to take lessons from things. so for me the lesson i took from this past election is we aren't communicating well with middle america. what do we send their way? blogs and cond session. we can do better. blogs don't work. they make us feel good but blogs don't work because they're written primarily by hipsters, and hipsters -- no obvious to any hipsters in the room-- but hipsters are the cats of humans. ( laughter ) ( applause ) "you don't like one of the five very specific bands they like?
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don't touch me anymore!" they're cats, man. i've been to middle america. i'm a born and raised virginiaian. these are dog people. we're trying to talk them into transgender bathrooms. thoons active issue. when you read a blog. i was in a sports bar, about a month ago, and i was trying to watch my wizards, which is a basketball team. i could just-- stop the joke fair second to catch colbert audience up. like "he's watching harry popter at a sports bar?" they're a basketball team. i'm trying to watch them but there's this bro just talking to me. i think i looked at him a little ailer, and i got bored and i got a little curious.
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and i said, "hey, man, what do you think about transgender bathrooms?" i took a risk. and it paid off because without missing a beat, he said, "bro, why would you care who takes a dump next to you?" ( applause ) that's the right answer. that's the right answer. that's a good answer. it's not how i would have put it, but it's a good answer, and it's simple. did you see how simple that was. and i grabbed him by his fake jersey and i go, "you listen to me. you go to middle america and you spread your words." throw out blogs. they don't work. we need to send the brogressives into middle america armed only with ice and opinions because i'm not telling you these guys.
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they'll be like, "if more gays get married, more chicks for us!" "i can understand that." i'm danny. thank you guys very much. >> stephen: you can see him on this season of "crazy ex-girlfriend" on the cw. danny jolles, everybody! we'll be right b
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>> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody. join me next week when i'll be joined by jessica chastain, hugh grant, and paul rudd. good night!
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captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show ( band playing ) >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from liverpool, england. give it up for your host: the


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