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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  June 29, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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have a great night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> today is the main event, when president trump faces off with kim jong-un. ♪ ♪ >> ladies and gentlemen, tonight, the most historic summit of our lifetime! the dictatorial chubby versus the unfaithful hubby. in this corner, standing five-foot-three, he's the rodman-befriending, possible world-ending, crowd-thrilling, uncle-killing cartoonish villain. put your hands together for the un shaped like a balloon, kim "the pyongyangler mangler" jong-un! ( cheers and applause ) and in this corner, weighing in at 239-- really?
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( laughter ) the potus who lost the popular votus, the cheeseburger-loving, immigrant-shoving, pornstar- humping, "forbes"-on-the- rumping, slap a mutton with his finger on the button. the tweeter who's a cheater, the comey-firing, son-in-law hiring, accusing obama of tapping the wiring. he's the media hater, possible traitor, with fists the size of taters. ( laughter ) please welcome the colluder in chief, president donald trump! ( cheers and applause ) and... he just declared war on canada. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, trump's singapore fling. plus, stephen welcomes: chris matthews. alicia silverstone. and musical guest eels. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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>> stephen: wo! ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much! double dipping! welcome! welcome, one and all! welcome, one and all, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. folks, it is an historic evening because, as we speak, president trump is meeting with north korean dictator kim jong-un. a scenario that, just a few years ago, would have been unthinkable, because it includes the phrase "president trump." ( laughter ) now, the summit actually started at 9:00 a.m. tuesday morning, singapore time, which is 9:00 p.m. new york time. so they're actually meeting in
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the future, which finally explains both their haircuts. ( laughter ) so-- i don't know what technology is involved there, but it's not human. so, tensions are high. and the united states is on the precipice of unthinkable international conflict, and that's with canada. ( laughter ) our relations have not been this bad with canada since they stole the word "bacon." canadian bacon is just round ham, you monsters. ( laughter ) now-- you iceholes. now, if you're one of those nerds out there who values the western alliance that has safeguarded democracy for 70 years, it was a tough weekend for you, because canada hosted the g-7, and it did not go "the good." now, keep in mind, the g-7 are our trading partners. and right before he attended, donald trump declared
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protectionist trade tariffs against all of them. that's like showing up to an a.a. meeting with captain morgan. ( laughter ) now-- >> jon: mmm. >> stephen: now, the spirit of the entire summit, the tension of the entire weekend, can be summed up by this picture. i believe it's entitled "still life with douchebag." now-- ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) he's like a toddler who's put a lego in his mouth, and they're like, spit it up! ( laughter ) now, these things, these meetings, every time they get-- every time, they end-- every time they end with what's called a joint communique, an agreement of intention between the nations. trump agreed to sign it, but after he left, justin trudeau said this about imposing tariffs on the u.s.: >> i have made it very clear to
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the president that it is not something we relish doing, but it is something that we absolutely will do. because, canadians, we're polite, we're reasonable, but we also will not be pushed around. >> stephen: oh, i believe him. they will not be pushed around. these are people whose idea of fun is strapping blades on their feet and punching each other in the face on a frozen lake. ( laughter ) but still, they are a polite people and that was pretty mild. but trump was not amused. he then unsigned the communique. he basically broke up with nato via tweet. angela merkel called his action "sobering and somewhat depressing." well, i'll join you with depressing, but while trump is president, you're on your own with sober. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) yeah, it's real. ( laughter and applause )
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don't go far with that. ( laughter ) then, trump tweeted, "p.m. justin trudeau of canada acted so meek and mild during our g-7 meetings only to give a news conference after i left saying that, 'u.s. tariffs were kind of insulting' and he 'will not be pushed around.' very dishonest and weak." wow. he is mad . it's like trudeau stole his girlfriend. oh, wait, he kind of did. ( laughter and applause ) ( piano riff ) friends? now, demolishing our relationship with our closest ally might seem like a bad idea, but trump's top advisers think otherwise, like trump trade adviser and dehydrated tommy lee jones, peter navarro: ( laughter )
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>> chris, there's a special place in hell for any foreign leader that engages in bad-faith diplomacy with president donald j. trump. >> stephen: yes, canadian hell. where bud light is on tap, they never play gordon lightfoot, and you have to choose between ryan reynolds and ryan gosling. it's torture! ( laughter ) who would i choose? huh? oh! they know which one i'd choose. ( laughter ) so, canada's our enemy now. in fact, according to the "washington post," "no u.s. officials have ever spoken this way about any u.s. ally, ever. these are the kind of words that normally precede military action." we're going to war with canada! oh, my god, we're going to have to put alex trebek in a detention center. i bet you don't have an answer for that one, do you, you smug bastard? ( laughter ) and-- ( applause ) ( piano riff ) love alrebek, wee
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him. and what makes this even crazier is that while he's slapping around our allies, trump is stroking our enemies: >> this used to be the g-8, not the g-7, and something happened a while ago, where russia is no longer in. i think it would be an asset to have russia back in. >> stephen: wait, i'm sorry, "something happened a while ago"? ( laughter ) you mean the invasion of crimea, eastern ukraine, and the shooting down of a passenger jet? did you just "yada, yada" over war crimes? can you do that with any atrocity? "i mean, who knows how world war i happened? a web of entangling european alliances engineered by otto von bismarck, yada, yada, yada-- 'war horse' wins the tony. it's a happy ending." ( laughter ) and that wasn't the only time he shrilled for his kremlin crew: >> they threw russia out. they should let russia come back in, because we should have russia at the negotiating table. >> stephen: i understand you want russia at the negotiating
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table, but don, jr. already tried that and he got caught. ( laughter ) now, mr. president, this really looks like russia has something on you. what is it? please tell me it's something more than the pee-pee tape. ( laughter ) because this is western democracy you're selling out. this is the way the world ends: not with a bang, but a trickle. ( laughter ) now-- now-- ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) allegedly. now, let's leave the old world order behind, shake off the dust of those old alliances, and return to the trump-kim summit, already in progress. it's taking place on singapore's island resort of sentosa, which is home to universal studios singapore. now, the negotiations are closed to the press, but they have released this picture. ( laughter ) okay. they're having a good time. we're on the brink of world war whee!
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now before they got down to business, trump had an early birthday celebration with singapore's prime minister. here he is trying to blow the fruit off his cake. ( laughter ) "i don't trust fruit. they're a gateway to vegetables." ( laughter ) again, we're taping this show before the summit happens. supposedly, they're going to meet one-on-one, or one-on-un... ( laughter ) ...for about 45 minutes, and trump says he doesn't even need that much time to tell if kim is serious about denuclearization. >> how long will it take? i think within the first minute, i'll know. >> how? >> just my touch, my feel. that's what i do. >> stephen: oh, we know that's what you do. ( laughter and applause ) >> jon: oh, my! >> stephen: when you're a star, they let you do it. ( piano riff ) "my touch, my feel--" of course, kim is playing his
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cards very close to his chest this whole week. in fact-- and i'm being told this is true-- he's taking the extra precaution of bringing his own personal toilet to the summit to "deny determined sewer divers insights into the supreme leader's stools." ( laughter ) that's right! kim jong-un will literally not give a crap. ( laughter ) so, what the hell is going on with trump's foreign policy? well, "the atlantic's" jeffrey goldberg has been interviewing administration officials to see if they can describe what's called a "trump doctrine." and one senior staffer summed it up as "no friends, no enemies." good news, we're halfway there! ( laughter ) and trump doesn't believe that the u.s. should be part of any alliance at all, and that even though allies "expect a level of loyalty from us, he doesn't believe that this should factor into the equation." so, no loyalty to any alliance, particularly if he just met a younger, hotter alliance and the
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old alliance just had a baby. ( audience reacts ) but perhaps-- >> jon: oh, that's cold. >> stephen: that joke, i remind you-- that joke's based on a true story. ( laughter ) but perhaps the most succinct summation came from one trump official who said, "the trump doctrine is, 'we're america, bitch.'" ( laughter ) huh, that's weird, because it really looks like we're russia's bitch. ( audience reacts ) we've got a great show for you tonight. chris matthews is here. won't you join us? ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody, right over there, the band! ( cheers and applause ) well, folks, welcome back. my first guest has been covering politics for over 30 years. let's see if today's news has given him anything to shout about. please welcome the host of "hardball," chris matthews! ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: good to see you again. >> hi, steve. >> stephen: how are you? >> as well as anybody is. ( laughter ) >> stephen: what the hell is going on, chris matthews? you-- the g-7, the g-8, whatever
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the g-number is, has been going on for years. have you ever seen anything like this? where a president, before he goes, he puts protectionist tariffs on, before he arrives, and then doesn't sign the communique, and basically is, is adversarial the entire time? >> well, this is meeting with friends. this is always the softball game of the year. i mean, you go up and hang around with canada. we don't even have a border with canada. canada is, like, easy, and it's a nice country, and they like us, and they have a really pretty prime minister, you know? ( laughter ) >> stephen: maybe that's what makes trump suspicious, is that somebody likes him. >> i don't know. i think he might be the wicked witch and he's snow white and he says, "who's the most, the fairest of them all?" maybe that guy is. it's strange. it is a strange antipathy. canada has always been okay with us. i know they care about their cedar shingles and shakes, and things like lumber and all those issues are really important with them, but we've always known that. they're tricky about these trade issues and they take them
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seriously. trump should have been told that, instead of getting mad at them. i mean, he's-- the weird thing is, he was elected leader of the free world, and now he's disbanding it. >> stephen: okay, so why-- why do you think he's doing it? >> i mean, of all those countries up there, they are the free world. it's the french, the brits, the italians, the japanese, the canadians, the-- japanese, they're all our friends. we all are democracies, we have regular elections, we pick our leaders, we get rid of them if we don't like them. you know, we have free speech. they're all the good countries of the world. and he's telling them to go to hell, literally! and then he makes friends-- >> stephen: what's the upside for the united states? what's the argument? >> there isn't any. he wants to make friends with countries where the leaders kill people. this little guy over in north korea-- the guy who was supposed to be in charge of him, his uncle, he killed him. and then he killed his half brother. remember in the airport in malaysia, they painted the poison on him? the guy has killed about 300 people around they know about. look at putin, he kills journalists.
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these are awful people. and he wants to become best friends with them. >> stephen: i can kind of understand north korea, because you butter up somebody to get them to the negotiating table, and if he succeeds, god bless him. if he succeeds in reducing the nuclear threat in north korea-- ( laughter ) no, but you have to, you have to think the best and have to hope your president succeeds in that condition. >> this is not a date. this is not going to work. this is not just lunch. you know, it's not going to work. >> stephen: maybe he'll take kim furniture shopping. >> this guy-- that's right, that's what they do at the fundraisers, they take them up to new hope and look at old furniture. i think the guy-- look, we think about a million things in the united states, and a lot of it is important stuff. rehet country in t worl -- edy in th world knows we are the best country in the world. even, when east germany fell, when the berlin wall came down, you know what i found out afterward? when i was over there, at that --kethe ictar, anda bad guy. a real s.o.b., head of east
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germany, his number one goal in life was to be invited to the white house. even the bad countries in the world know we're the greatest country. the bad guys know this. that's something we've got to understand. they all want to be invited to sit down with us because they know we're the greatest country ever, and it's a fact. it's a hard thing for cynics to buy. but you don't have to be a good person to recognize this is a great country. and this little guy wants to meet with our guy and sit down together tonight and look like equals. you know, and that's what he wanted. >> stephen: so what does the united states get out of this? donald trump goes over there, obviously the objective is denuclearization, which i've said is a worthy goal. if he can get it, god bless him. give him the noble prize, i don't care. just make the world safer. but experts are saying that the chance that they'll actually give up their nukes are very slim... >> that's all they've got. >> stephen: ...and yet, kim gets what he wants, which is equal footing with the most powerful man in the world. >> well, we know what he wants. he wants us to get our troops out and he wants that border open for him to do what he wants to do. he wants to get us to no longer protect japan and no longer protect south korea, and he still got nuclear weapons.
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that's the scary end of this whole thing, and i'm worried about it. i'm worried about trump being fooled over there, into thinking-- oh, he comes out and he says, "well, let's have the end of hostilities between north and south, let's have an official treaty." and trump will say, "great headline tomorrow." but that really gets away with our justification of having our troops there. that's only gained by him. that's what i think we'll know tomorrow. but i think that's what kim jong-un wants. he wants us to get our troops out-- >> stephen: okay, so if we declare peace-- >> then there's no reason for troops. there's no reason for our troops. >> stephen: well, we still have troops in germany, don't we? >> well, because they want them there. i'm not sure south korea will want them there once they cut the deal. i'm afraid that-- >> stephen: well, not even south korea would want us? i thought they liked us. >> i think, i think that kim wants to cut a deal that separates us from south korea. that's my prediction. >> stephen: let's talk about russia for a second. ( laughter ) >> it's not a happy scenario. >> stephen: no, no, no, no, no. keep it light, keep it light. >> but i'm with you, stephen. i'm for, if it makes the world safer, let's all applaud and move on. i hope we do make the world safer. i think that, if they agree to restrain their testing of nuclear weapons, if they agree to restrict their testing of missiles, i mean, that would be
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good. >> stephen: okay, russia. trump wants russia back in the g-8. and he goes, "something happened--" he just glosses over atrocities. >> right. >> stephen: and he goes, let's get them back in there. what is the possible justification for that? especially when the head of the intelligence services are saying the russians are still trying to game the 2018 election, now? what, what-- how can that be defended? do you talk to any people who are on trump's side, who say, oh, the reason he wants this is x, y, and z? because i don't see the rationale. >> well, we know russia wants to take away our moral superiority, because we have elections in this country, clean elections. and we have a democracy, going back to 1789. no other country in the world can match that record. we've had elections every two years. no matter what happens, we have an election. we've never had-- the french have had five republics. we have the one we started with. this country is a great role model for democracy. what the russians want to do is to take that moral advantage away from us. that's what they wanted to do in 2016, screw up our elections, screw up our belief in our elections, and let the whole world see that we have a problem with our elections, and they already got that done.
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>> stephen: okay. >> now we're going to reward them by getting them back in the g-7 and make it the g-8 again. >> stephen: but when you talk to these people-- >> trump doesn't have any anger. he never says a word against the russians for what they did to our elections. >> stephen: but neither do the republicans, though. >> that's true. >> stephen: what, how are the people that-- because you talk to these people more than i do. what do the people in washington who defend the president say to defend his idea of returning-- ? >> they're scared to death of him. >> stephen: scared of? >> trump. 86% of republicans support trump. they-- republicans act personally a lot like mike pence. ( laughter ) >> stephen: oh, we actually have a fantastic clip. can we show-- ? >> by the way, i wanted to say-- >> stephen: in case you haven't seen this-- >> i know you like the movie "man for all seasons," and i love that movie. >> stephen: yeah, sure. >> about henry iix and about thomas moore, the great thomas moore, who died for his religion. and there's a great scene, when henry viii, beautiful played by robert shaw, gets out of his
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boat, just watch how everybody behaves. >> stephen: i heard-- i actually-- i heard you liked this movie. we actually pulled this clip. show-- imagine that shaw is trump. >> ( laughter ) >> ( laughter ) >> that's them. >> stephen: yes. >> that's the republican party. >> stephen: he was a monster... >> that's them! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: robert gold describes him as a monster who none dared gainsay. >> yes, well, today, these guys are all like mike pence. they do exactly what trump does. >> stephen: this is what pence did. show the water bottle thing again, jim. look at trump. and watch pence. bottle down for no reason, and right with you, sir. ( laughter and applause ) what does it mean? what does it mean? >> it means that, we always say
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democrats fall in love, republicans fall in line. they're all doing this-- i get in trouble for this, but republicans are stereotypical. right? what do they do? they play golf. they all play golf, right? they all play golf and they all read the "wall street journal," and they vote republican. they show up at the movies on time. republicans are a very regimented people. >> stephen: they show up to the movies on time? >> oh, you know they do. you just know they do. you know, just look around a theater. >> stephen: democrats show up late? ( laughter ) >> they're the ones that come in with the big-- democrats come in with the big cokes and the popcorn. "what time did this movie start, anyway?" pushing their way past you. i'm telling you, republicans are on time. that's one thing i'll say for them. >> stephen: i'm going to need some sociological study to back that up. >> i've got the data. i've got the data. >> stephen: you've got the data on that one? ut ihink that it's sadhellow, republicans. like trey gowdy's leaving, corker's leaving, flake's leaving. >> stephen: right, and-- >> and every time they're leaving, they start talking honestly. isn't that weird? it's like-- what's the name,
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speaker ryan is now talking the truth. he's saying that-- >> stephen: they recover from a moral amnesia. >> yeah, the minute they're leaving, they tell the truth. this is the sad thing about the republican party, that is now lacking any guts to say anything against this guy. and i think that they're going to pay for this morally some day, because i think john paul sergeant once said, "we don't always do what we want, but we're responsible for who we are." and they're going to be held historically responsible for following this guy, and it's a real problem. ( applause ) >> stephen: well, you know, getting back-- getting back to "a man for all seasons," there's a moment at which moore is in jail for not violating his own conscience, because it's really a play and a movie about the self and what can you bring yourself to do and what can you not bring yourself to do. and his daughter says, "oh, just take an oath and don't mean it." and these people who will not stand to trump have taken an oath to defend the constitution.
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and moore says, "when a man takes an oath he holds himself in his hand like so much water, and should he open his hands at that moment, he shall lose all hope of finding himself again." and my fear is that the people who will not stand up to trump will not find themselves again when we need them. ( applause ) >> i want to say something about-- you know, i think we have to be just as tough on the opposition these days because i really think what deniro did the other night-- you have to be really careful about this because i think the cultural world, your world, to some extent the democrats, certainly the media, have got to uphold what nobility is in this country through these years. >> stephen: and what is that? ( applause ) >> they have got to remind people about what they're not having, which is a sense of nobility for life on this planet, and a sense of moral goodness. and i think trump is lowering us down to a standard. you know, it's always said in war you end up imitating your enemy in war. you become as barbarous as they are. and the trouble with the criticism of trump now is it's
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going down to the level of trump. people are starting to talk like him. i think that's really going to hurt. >> stephen: you're absolutely right, that's a dangerous path, i agree with you, and i can be guilty of that myself, but ultimately-- ( laughter ) --i don't know what they're laughing at. but ultimately, in all your criticism of the man, you can't forget you have to wish the best for the presidency, and that, for instance in this case, that he finds peace. keep your eye on what the prize should be and criticize the man as much as you want. >> we have to remind ourselves we're americans. >> stephen: god bless america, chris matthews. >> thank you. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "hardball with chris matthews" airs weeknights on msnbc. that's the man. we'll be right back, and i'll tell you the latest proclamations from a big furry hat. stick around! ( i work hard to protect this tookus. to take care of any messy situations. and put irritation in its place. and if i can get comfortable keeping this tookus safe and protected... you can get comfortable doing the same with yours. preparation h. get comfortable with it.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody!
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welcome back to "the late show"! thanks so much! oh, my goodness. welcome back. folks, you know, as a late night host, i wield tremendous power. as much as history's most ruthless tyrants. genghis khan. kim jong-un. kim kardashian. ( laughter ) we all have two things in common: some junk in the trunk, and we all have a big furry hat! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now that this hat is upon my head, any and all proclamations i make, thus en- hatted, are now and forever law. let us begin. ( drum beats )
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from now on, coconut water must to taste how you'd expect coconut water to taste. ( laughter ) not like a melted bleach popsicle. ( laughter ) be it known: now that "kevin can wait" is canceled, kevin james must stand trial for whatever happened to his first tv wife. ( light cheers and applause ) heed my words: anyone who asks me to remove my shoes upon entering their home will learn that my shoes are attached to my pants. ( laughter ) ( drum beats continuing )anowlar hand ( cheers and applause )
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but if you're happy and you don't know it, see a therapist, that's messed up. ( laughter ) ( laughter ) starting now, nectarines must admit what they are: peaches who got a brazilian. ( laughter ) ( drum beats continuing ) henceforth, they are just "small carrots." if you call them "baby carrots," in 18 years you have to send them to carrot college. ( laughter ) there shall be one final movie combining the "star wars" and marvel universes and it shall be called "star lord: a new hulk: the x-menpire strikes drax: captain chewberrica: civil clone wars: infinity money." ( cheers and applause ) ( drum beats continuing ) from this day forward: you cannot say your favorite band is the beatles. that's like saying your favorite taste is "flavor." ( laughter ) henceforth, benedict cumberbatch
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must have an even more english- sounding name, like "crumblesby dibbleswitch." ( laughter ) be it known! someone shall launder this big furry hat! my head smells like a family of dead raccoons. ( laughter ) the hat has spoken! ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back with alicia silverstone. oh, hat! ( band playing ) security: boarding passes out.
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who's already won three cars, two motorcycles, a boat, and an r.v. i would not want to pay that insurance bill. [ ding ] -oh, i have progressive, so i just bundled everything with my home insurance. saved me a ton of money. -love you, gary! -you don't have to buzz in. it's not a question, gary. on march 1, 1810 -- [ ding ] -frédéric chopin. -collapsing in 226 -- [ ding ] -the colossus of rhodes. -[ sighs ] louise dustmann -- [ ding ] -brahms' "lullaby," or "wiegenlied." -when will it end? [ ding ] -not today, ron.
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( band playing ) chrs and appla) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an author and actress you first knew as a "total betty" in "clueless," she now stars in "american woman." please welcome, alicia silverstone! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hi. >> hi! >> stephen: nice to meet you. >> so nice to meet you. >> stephen: i've never interviewed you before. >> no, but i watch you all the time. >> stephen: i've learned something about you today. well, you're a vegan.
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>> yeah. >> stephen: okay. >> it's a true story. >> stephen: this time last year, i became a vegan. >> what? >> stephen: yeah. >> that's amazing! >> stephen: well, wait until the end to hear the story. ( laughter ) >> okay. but you're trying. >> stephen: i did seven months pretty strict. >> that's amazing. >> stephen: but then at a certain point, there's only so much roasted cauliflower one man can eat, and i've fallen off the wagon slightly. how long have you been a vegan? >> i have been doing it-- the first time i became vegetarian was when my brother was on the plane with me making the sounds of the animal i was eating. >> stephen: how old were you? >> i was eight. >> stephen: and what were you eating? >> lamb. on an airplane. i don't know why there was lamb on an airplane. >> stephen: that's a nice flight. >> pan am, probably, my mom was a flight attendant. >> stephen: oh, okay. and your brother was baa-ing? >> yeah, and i did not-- this is the first it occurred to me, i was eight years old, that that's what i was eating, and i did not like that. so i became vegetarian.
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but on and off, i flirted with it. in the book i wrote, i talked about flirting, so it's like doing the best you can. when i got to 21 i saw footage of how we actually get the animals that we eat. >> stephen: alright, keep it light. >> oh, sorry. ( laughter ) it's super fun. >> stephen: keep it light. are you a smug vegetarian, are you a smug vegan or are you, like, hey, listen to each his own? >> well, i think that's what i'm saying. i ultimately super support any progress in that direction. so, i hope that everyone will just try it a little. read the book, try it, and do the best you can. >> stephen: i went to a baseball game with john on friday. ( laughter ) >> you did? >> stephen: and i sat down and said two hot dogs and a beer without thinking. >> you forgot. >> stephen: without thinking. >> they have veggie dogs at the baseball games, don't they? >> stephen: no, not at the mets. ( laughter ) >> the dodgers do. >> stephen: in los angeles, of course they do! ( laughter ) they walk around with sushi and seitan! >> it's wonderful! ( piano riff ) >> stephen: now, you're an
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environmentalist, as well, and i understand, and i don't know how this came about, you were briefly an ecoadvisor to donald trump? >> yes. >> stephen: how? ( laughter ) >> so, i was-- >> stephen: and how long ago? >> the date, i'm not sure. let's say-- >> stephen: you went on a date with donald trump? ( laughter ) well, a date to talk about solar panels. >> stephen: okay. >> but the date that it occurred on, i believe, was about ten years or so ago. >> stephen: okay, great. >> his name and number is in my phone still. >> stephen: do you have it? >> i should have brought it out. we should call him. >> stephen: yes. >> i'm very tempted to know if the number still works. >> stephen: i bet it does. >> i mean, mine still works. he can reach out if he needs to address this. ( laughter ) >> stephen: sir, give her a call. >> but what had happened was i was on one of the other talk shows in the daytime talking about solar panels and silk milk and they were doing this great thing, and he said he was really interested, and we exchanged numbers so that we could continue this conversation about solar panels. so i met with him in-- ( laughter ) right? ( laughs ) i know.
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but it was worth it to take the meeting! because if i could get him to have every building have solar panels on it, wouldn't that be a great accomplishment? >> stephen: great. >> so, i'll take one for the team. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) not really, i'm just teasing! i didn't do anything! but-- i'm totally joking. i sat down with him, and we had a very lovely conversation. he was very charming and very kind and we talked about it all. he was very concerned about the financial aspect of it. >> stephen: sure, yeah. >> and at that time they were quite expensive, and ultimately he did not choose to put solar panels on his building. as far as i know. maybe he has. >> stephen: yeah, seems like him. >> yeah, seems like him. right? ( laughter ) but anyway, that's what happened with donald and i. that's all that happened with donald and i. >> stephen: no one is saying anything else. ( laughter ) >> this audience is. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, now you've got a new series on paramount network called "american woman." >> yes. >> stephen: you play bonnie, a mother in the early '70s. >> bonnie is a fire cracker.
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she's a woman who basically she does really wild-- she makes very wild choices. she's very rebellious and at one point she's being chased with-- she loves her children very much but makes really irresponsible choices at times, or so i think. she's driving along and these men are saying really awful things to her in a car and being sort of nasty, and her kids are getting very nervous, so she pulls over in the car, gets out of the car, walks over to them and says, basically, i'm going to kill you if you're not careful, and, you know, puts her hand in their face. and this is a true story, this is what kyle richards' mother did. >> stephen: this is based on a true story? >> this is based on kyle richards' mother. >> stephen: we know you from "clueless." that's where a lot of people first got to know you. ( cheers and applause ) how old is your child? >> my son is seven years old. >> stephen: seven-years-old. have you let him watch it yet? >> well, i wouldn't have, but-- because it's not appropriate for, i don't think seven-- >> stephen: it's not that bad
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other than the creepy thing with your step brother. ( laughter ) >> yeah, i mean, it's not that bad, you're right, but i took him to see it because it was at the l.a. cemetery where they show, like, 4,000 people. >> stephen: you took your son to a cemetery to see your film? >> i took my son, yep. and there were 4,000 people at a huge screen outdoors at night. >> stephen: in a cemetery. >> in a cemetery. very romantic, laying down, there were pillows and there was roseé or whatever, and he loved it. but the one thing he took away from it aside from all the things that i was worried about, is he kept trying to french kiss me afterwards. which was very sweet. >> stephen: yeah. and you said that's not appropriate?>> i jkept my mouto. that's what i did. and i just giggled. i mean, like, it's super sweet. >> stephen: it is super sweet. >> yeah. are you worried? >> stephen: nope. >> okay. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i'm moving on. >> it's fine, he's not doing it anymore. >> stephen: good. >> that's what his takeaway was. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's good. don't take donald trump to see that movie.
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( laughter ) so nice to meet you. >> thank you. >> stephen: thank you for being here. >> so nice to meet you. >> stephen: "american woman" airs thursdays on the paramount network. alicia silverstone, everybody! back with a performance by eels! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. they release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. tylenol® (music) [glass squeaking] [marker squeaking] (music)
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: here performing "bone dry" from their new album, "the deconstruction," please welcome eels! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ in my dream i see you there ♪ your eyes fixed in a vacant stare ♪ a little laugh a crooked smile ♪ don't lift a finger while i lay dying ♪ bone dry you drank all the blood ♪ my heart is bone dry ♪ can't give you more
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'cause you took all of it ♪ was a day when i did believe ♪ the things you say are what you mean ♪ dear sweet, innocent me how much you took from me ♪ to finally see bone dry ♪ you drank all the blood my heart is ♪ bone dry can't give you more ♪ 'cause you took all of it sha la la ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ shouby dooby dooby doo shouby dooby ♪ shouby dooby dooby doo ♪ what becomes a man like me
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♪ drifting off lost at see ♪ i'll set a fire look up for it ♪ lookin' for me i'm a pink sunset ♪ oh! bone dry ♪ you drank all the blood my heart is ♪ bone dry can't give you more ♪ 'cause you took all of it sha la la ♪ bone dry whoo! ♪ you took all of it my heart is ♪ bone dry can't give you more ♪ 'cause you took all of it ♪ sha la la ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ can't give you more 'cause you took all of it ♪ sha la la ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: eels, everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) what about him?
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody. good night! come on! this is it! this is for real! ♪ are you ready y'all to have a son ♪ oh, feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show ( band playing ) >> announcer: ladies and

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