tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert KPIX March 18, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> you ys captioning sponsored by cbs >> the president is not a white supremacistist. i'm not sure how many times we have to say that. mr. owl, how many times do we have to say president trump is not a white supremacist? >> let's find out. one, a two, a three, four, five, six -- 10,417, 10,418, $3,009,000,120? oh, my! $4,392,000,200 -- >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, rule of thumb. plus, stephen welcomes lupita
nyong'o, vicky ward and musical guest karen o & danger mouse directed by spik spike jonze, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you! thank you one and all. welcome everybody to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) you know, the world is still reeling from friday's terror attack in new zealand on two mosques by a white supremacist
in which 50 muslim worshipers were killed. all of our hearts go out to those at the al noor and linwood mosques and the great people of new zealand. it is the most beautiful country i have ever seen, and kiwis are the kindest people i have ever met. right after the attack, new zealand's prime minister, jacinda ardern, made it clear that her country was united. >> many of those who will have been directly affected by this shooting may be migrants to new zealand, they may even be refugees here. they have chosen to make new zealand their home, and it is their home. they are us. >> stephen: many are questioning our president's reaction. now, to his credit, he did send a condolence tweet, and called the prime minister, and she had a simple request for him. >> i spoke with donald trump this morning. he sought to call us directly. he very much wished for his condolences to be passed on to new zealand. he asked what offer of support the united states could provide.
my message was sympathy and love for all muslim communities. >> stephen: that's not really trump's brand. ( laughter ) trump has trouble showing love for things that are not him, and he has a particularly bad record with muslims. so he's in a bind. on the one hand, after a terror attack to condemn the extremist ideology of the terrorist should be a slam dunk. on the other hand, he can't jump. ( laughter ) also, he never condemns the racists. after charlottesville, he said "there were fine people on both sides." remember the guy with all the guns in the coast guard? he was a white nationalist, trump never mentioned that. his very first campaign speech called mexicans "rapists and murderers." he called africa and haiti "( bleep ) hole countries." he complained that we don't get more immigrants from norway. he said a mexican judge couldn't be fair in a case against him.
he refused to disavow david duke. he calls elizabeth warren "pocahontas." he said that nigerians would never want to "go back to their huts" after seeing america. he calls himself a nationalist. i'm just saying, if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, then why does it keep goose-stepping? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) so, on friday, a reporter asked trump about it point blank. >> do you see today white nationalism as a rising threat around the world? >> i don't really. i think it's a small group of people that have very, very serious problems. >> stephen: yes, but other than your cabinet. ( laughter ) over the weekend, trump got an assist from acting chief of staff and beaver upset none of the other forest creatures remembered his birthday, mick
mulvaney. mulvaney made rounds on the sunday morning shows, where fox news's chris wallace asked him directly why trump won't specifically condemn white supremacy. >> to the degree that there is an issue with white supremacist, white nationalist, anti-muslim bigotry in this country, and there is an issue with that, why not deliver a speech condemning it? >> you see when the president stands up for religious liberty, individual liberty. the president is not a white supremacist, and i'm not sure how many times we have to say that. >> stephen: having to say it once is a problem. "how many times do i have to say it, i've never tasted human flesh. it's too salty!" ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) but i do want to point out that he didn't ask you if the president was a white nationalist. he asked you why the president won't denounce white nationalists. "do you promise to love, honor, and cherish this woman?" "how many times do i have to tell you, i'm not banging my secretary?!"
( laughter ) please! and here's mulvaney on the nation-face with margaret brennan. >> why not directly address white supremacy and, specifically, islamophobia? >> yeah. i-- i get a lot of questions about-- >> because a number of world leaders did and the president didn't. >> i get a lot of questions from people saying why-- you need to tell the president to do x, you need to tell the president to go and give it an oval office address on this or on that. that's not how the system works. the president communicates in his way. >> stephen: mulvaney answered like the worst parent at the local school. "we don't like to tell braden what to do. he communicates in his own way. and he's not biting the other children. he's kissing them with his teeth." ( laughter ) then, mulvaney issued a challenge. >> i don't think anybody could say that the president is anti-muslim. >> stephen: the president is anti-muslim. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause )
what did i win? did i win something? >> jon: yeah, i think so! come on, now! ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that was actually kind of easy. that wasn't hard at all. trump also got an assist from kellyanne conway, who raged at the media for asking for presidential accountability. >> the media is putting all the blame on the right. they insert themselves. "i must speak. i must say something." no, you don't. you can shut up and pray for people. >> stephen: yeah, media, shut up and pray. just like jesus said, "blessed are the meek, who better shut their pie holes!" ( laughter ) i don't remember that quote myself, jon. >> jon: i didn't read that one either? >> different version of the bible than i'm used to. >> jon: yeah, definitely. >> stephen: now, i'm not going to quote the
shooter's manifesto, but he name-checked trump as a symbol of white identity. but kellyanne conway says it's more complicated than that. >> unlike most mass shootings, this man came with pre-receipts, if you will. he put out a 70-page manifesto. and i guess everybody scoured, searched for donald trump's name, and there it is one time. but he also said he allies closely with the ideology of china. he said he is not a conservative. he is not a nazi. i think he referred to himself as econaturalist or ecofascist. but people should read the entire-- in its entirety. >> stephen: why would you say that? "you've got to read to the end, there's an amazing twist: turns out, the real racial superiority were the friends we made along the way." ( laughter ) so, trump won't come out and condemn anti-muslim terrorism or white supremacy or mention that it's on the rise, but there is one thing that enraged him this weekend: everything else. in a twelve hour period on sunday, he had 29 tweets.
he might have carpal thumbal. ( laughter ) or a mental illness. ( laughter ) or a need to distract us from something else more mueller-y. ( laughter ) one thing he was upset about was the sidelining of fox news host and vanna white's evil twin, judge jeanine pirro. last week, pirro said this about minnesota congresswoman, ilhan omar. >> think about it. omar wears a hijab. is her adherence to this islamic doctrine indicative of her adherence to sharia law, which in itself is antithetical to the u.s. constitution? >> stephen: no. also, it's not pronounced hee-jab, you ross-ist. ( laughter ) did i mispronounce that? did i mispronounce that? did i pronounce that correctly?
( laughter ) in a statement, fox news condemned the judge, saying, ms. pirro's remarks "do not reflect those of the network." adding, "we reminded her, we're doing mexicans this week." ( laughter ) but fox news did pull her show on saturday, and trump was not pleased: "bring back @judgejeanine pirro. the radical left democrats, working closely with their beloved partner, the fake news media, is using every trick in the book to silence a majority of our country. they have all out campaigns against @foxnews hosts who are doing too well." yes, the radical left and the mainstream media hatched a devious plot to make jeanine pirro sound like a bigot. here's how they did it: they pointed a camera at her. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: just as simple as
that. >> stephen: trump wasn't just disappointed by fox. he was mad at all the channels. "it's truly incredible that shows like saturday night live, not funny-slash-no talent, can spend all of their time knocking the same person-- me-- over & over, without so much of a mention of "the other side." he is right "snl" attacked him "over and over," considering the episode that aired this weekend was a rerun. ( laughter ) "that snl episode was not funny, and also, they did all the same jokes as a few weeks ago. word for word. the only thing that was fresh was the commercials. that gecko is my favorite snl cast member! i hear the gecko is dating kate beckinsale." ( laughter ) trump continued, "like an advertisement without consequences. same with late night shows dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot
dot-dot-dot-dot. should federal election commission and/or fcc look into this? there must be collusion with the democrats and, of course, russia!" ( audience reacts ) late night shows colluding with russia? that is insane and completely paranoid. this is emergency message to moscow comedy commissariat ( laughter ) president trump has uncovered our communications channel. please send instructions, and more delicious turnips. mmm! you are my one, true love. we've got a great show for you tonight. lupita nyong'o is here. but when we return, joe biden is back!
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! ( cheers and applause ) jon! jon -- >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: -- i'm very excited. ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah >> jon: that was great, man. >> stephen: jon, you know, tonight we have such a lovely guest here tonight. lupita nyong'o is here tonight. she's always wonderful to talk
to. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: one thing about this tragedy down in new zealand, i just want to talk about it for just a moment, we had their president here for the u.n. conference. she was such a lovely guest. we had such a good time talking to her. she invited me to go down to visit new zealand and become an honorary citizen of one of the towns. we were actually supposed to go down wednesday, we were going to go down there for a week to shoot in new zealand because it had been such a lovely invitation and i just love that country. i was down there almost ten years ago for my starring role in the hobbit movie. >> jon: i've seen that. >> stephen: i'm the star of
that second hobbit movie, and we wanted to go down to maybe expand my role, and also to celebrate that amazing country. if you've never been, go. it's one of the most beautiful places in the world, and the people there are unbelievably kind and welcoming. and, obviously, we're not going to go down now, but we hope to go down in the future and, again, we just want to say to everybody down there how sad, how heart broken we are for what that country is going through because one of the hal hallmarkf new zealand and one of the things i've always thought of is it's this wonderful, isolated country, so far away from the problems that we take for granted here north to have the f the equator, and now this very particular brand of evil has infected that country, like a ghost, something you wouldn't
imagine, like -- truly like an evil creature has arrived on that island, and i pray with all my heart that they take the action down there and have the courage to take action that we seem to lack up here in the united states. so i want to say good luck to them and blessings and peace upon the muslim community there and everywhere in the world. ( cheers and applause ) you know, with donald trumps' disapproval ratings over 50%, he looks beatable to a lot of people. specifically, this lot of people. ( laughter ) they're all the democrats that the "new york times" says are either in the race or considering it. this guy-- john delaney-- do you know who he is?
neither do i. let's just change john delaney to john mulaney. there. ( cheers and applause ) i'd vote for him! as always, i will tell you about the newest 2020 democratic developments in tonight's doin' it donkey style. ( laughter ) ( donkey screams single payer ) first up, you'll recall that last thursday saw yet another hat thrown in the democratic ring, that of former congressman, and man who challenged someone to a fight, and they said yes, which he was "not" expecting, beto o'rourke. well, in the first 24 hours after he declared, "o'rourke raised $6.1 million in first 24d l other 2020ontenders." ooh, bernie must be "rest assured i still have the most pennysaver coupons for a dollar off of prunes, they are a
great source of fiber to clean out 99% of my duodenum." but the latest person thinking about jumping in the race has something none of the others have, the code to the white house bathroom, because rumors are swirling that there will soon be an official announcement from former vice president, and man whose carpet matches the teeth, joe biden. ( cheers and applause ) biden has led every national poll of democrats, without even having declared he's running. but, on saturday, he may have. accidentally, spilled the beans. >> i have the most progressive record of anybody running for the uni-- anybody who would run. ( cheers and applause ) i didn't mean it. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: the man hasn't lost a misstep. ( laughter ) and the president was all up in biden's grill this morning,
tweeting, "joe biden got tongue tied over the weekend when he was unable to properly deliver a very simple line about his decision to run for president. get used to it, another low i.q. individual! "he's a tongue-tied, low-iq individual, who'd be a terrible president of the united shturshh." ( laughter ) evhis t, it seems petty to call out somebody for momentarily misspeaking. but it makes sense, because, apparently, behind closed doors, the president has fixated on biden, but to calm trump down, some of his advisers have compared biden to jeb bush, an establishment favorite who admitted defeat before his home state primary. sorry, but "jeb!" is no "joe! ( laughter ) when biden even hinted at a run for the office, people jumped
to their feet with applause. while jeb had to do this. >> please clap. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that still hurts. that still hurts, man. >> jon: too soon. too soon. >> stephen: too soon. but if biden does officially announce, we could finally see the showdown we've all been waiting for since last year, when biden and trump had this back and forth. >> they asked me would i like to debate this gentleman, and i said no. i said, "if we were in high school, i'd take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him." >> stephen: remember he challenged me to a fight? i'd love that. ( cheers and applause ) that wouldn't last long. go like this. he's down! and he'll never get up! >> stephen: if biden wins the nomination, i cannot wait for next summer, presidential race 2020, grandpa slap fights, are you ready to stumble?!
( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey! how are ya? ( cheers and applause ) y'all ready for this? ladies and gentlemen, folks, my first guest is an academy award-winning actress you know from "12 years a slave" and "black panther." her new film is "us." >> you know how sometimes things line up? >> yeah. ou know like coincidences. since we have been here, they have been happening more and more. i think -- i feel like it means that she's getting closer.
>> who? the girl? >> you don't believe me. >> stephen: please welcome, lupita nyong'o! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: thank you for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> good to see you. >> stephen: now, just because i want the audience to have the same experience i'm having right now, i just want to let everybody know out there that talking to lupita nyong'o was always engrossing because you have beautiful eyes, but they're particularly arresting tonight. can you show -- ( cheering ) that's nice, yes.
>> i could use some rest, you know. >> stephen: what did you say? i could use some rest. >> stephen: a little bit? i love the fashion choice of the goldegolden eyes there. >> thank you. >> stephen: it's a good color for you. it's a little scary. >> good to get it out. >> stephen: sure. i'll try to pay attention to what you're saying. it's arresting. ( laughter ) we just saw the clip in the new movie "us," but i understand that's only one of the characters you play. >> yes. >> stephen: this is you and you. >> yeah. that's adalade and red. >> stephen: and red is wearing the red, i assume. >> that is accurate. >> stephen: am i just going to fall in love with both these girls? >> it's a special kind of love you're going to have. it's going to be a challenging one. eth one you will remember, one that might hurt you, but the best things in life hurt, right?
( laughter ) >> stephen: that's a hell of a marketing campaign. ( laughter ) lupita nyong'o, the best things in life hurt. ( laughter ) i scare easily. >> you do? >> stephen: i saw world war z and pulled my neck, and that wasn't even that scary. do you get scared making a scary movie? >> well, no, not when the scary thing is you. you know, which was the case in this movie. >> stephen: okay. yeah, so i play adalade, and she is traumatized by this thing that happened to her as a child and she can't get it off her -- she has this feeling that something bad sabt to happen, and it happens when her dopping ganger shows up with her family to get her. >> stephen: a doppelgaänger is an exact copy of her. >> yes. in this film, we were the
monster. we never acted with ourselves. we never saw our scene partners. so that wasn't particularly scary to shoot. it was definitely technically challenging. >> stephen: okay. good. i'll remind myself of that when i watch this. ( laughter ) yeah. >> stephen: it premiered at south by southwest last week or two weeks ago? >> it was last week! oh, my goodness! >> stephen: and you have been all over the world since then. >> yes, i have been everywhere. i don't even know where i am. >> stephen: what was it like to see any the full audience? were they terrified? >> thaw, they were pretty terrified. and it was electrifying. they were a very responsive audience and everyone was screaming and everything. at one point, i went to the bathroom while the movie was going on and another lady came out of the stall to wash her hands. i emerged from my stall and she nearly had a heart attack. she was just, like, oh! ( laughter ) and i knew it wasn't because she was star struck. she was mortified to see me
there. she's, i just didn't expect to see you there! ( laughter ) i felt so bad for her. i calmed her down. and she said, can i have a selfie? >> stephen: did she ask for a selfie in the bathroom? >> in the bathroom. >> stephen: that is scary. yeah. >> stephen: some people forget a bathroom is a place where you shouldn't be doing that. >> people have knocked on my stall to ask me for a picture. knocked on my stall. >> stephen: i have been followed down a hallway where i was in a building, visiting, and people are, like, hey, i'm a fan! walked down the hallway, into the men's room, and i thought maybe the guy has to go, too. and i was going to the stall and said, i'm going alone. i close the door and he starts talking to me through the stall. i don't do that with my wife. i don't talk through the door. >> that is a lot. >> stephen: it is. now, you are so busy. you go so many places. you have been all around the world, working all the time,
hollywood can be a crazy circus. what do you do to stay grounded and calm? >> i meditate every day. >> stephen: how long do you put into it? >> well, i went to a ten-day silent retreat last year and, so, that's when i really got into the whole meditating thing. >> stephen: that sounds wonderful. where do you go for that? in california, someplace out there? >> no, it was actually in texas outside of dallas. and it's this technique that's ten days you are meditating ten hours a day. you have no access to your phone or any type of distraction, no books, no tv, nothing, just you and your thoughts and this meditation technique. >> stephen: that sounds hard. yeah, it was very, very, very difficult. >> stephen: just you and yourself? are you alone? >> no, there are other participants, but you're supposed to go through it in a
solitaire fashion. you're not supposed to make eye contact or physical contact. you keep to yourself and do things as they say and there are bells and things to tell you where to be. >> stephen: i like the "of course," bells. you're trained to go where the bell rings? >> yes. i went to catholic school, so -- >> stephen: there you go. there are nuns to hit you in case you talk. >> exactly. >> stephen: what did you get out of that ten days? since i talk for a living and you do, i would love to spend ten days not talking. >> yeah, it was amazing. the talking wasn't the hard thing to stop doing, it was just getting my mind to be quiet enough to let me meditate, and that's what the technique is about. it's about getting to a place where you can kind of be a pedestrian watching the traffic go by of your thoughts, and that was tough. i wanted to leave every single day. i would look at the car park and wish i had a car there and just want to leave so badly, and then i would challenge myself to stay
a little longer and a little longer. >> stephen: is that to get away from the traffic in your head? >> yes, exactly, from the chaos and the -- you know, we think very cyclical thoughts. >> stephen: right. when we're not distracted in this world, i feel like we're going from one distraction to another, and with our phones, there are so many distractions readily available to us. when you get rid of all that, no instagram, no likes to count or whatever, you're left with your thoughts, and you can sometimes be really mean to yourself, you know. i don't know whether you have that, but sometimes i have these, like, just really nasty thoughts about myself and they go on and on and on. so you just have to befriend yourself. >> stephen: are you allowed to do that? are you allowed to befriend yourself? because you said no physical contact. ( laughter ) >> you can -- well, listen -- ( laughter ) >> stephen: i've said too
>> stephen: hey, everybody! folks, my next guest tonight is a "new york times" bestselling author and investigative reporter whose new book is "kushner inc." please welcome, vicky ward! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: all right, thanks for being on the show. >> thank you so much for having me. >> stephen: you have a book here. we talked a little bit about it on the show last week. >> you did. >> stephen: called "kushner, inc.." , inc. is short for incompetent. ( laughter ) it's greed, ambition and corruption. first of all, how did the writing of this book come about? how did you get this information about ivanka and jared? how did you learn these things?
because sarah huckabee sanders basically just said, oh, it's shady, anonymous sources. >> okay. >> stephen: there are a lot of anonymous sources in here. >> they are. >> stephen: how do we know they're not shady? >> if sarah huckabee sanders wants to get into a credibility ratings battle with me, i'll take her on. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what are the president's feelings of working with his kids? because not every president has had his children in there in official capacities in the white house. >> no, they haven't. we have a nepotism law to stop it. >> stephen: a weak one, evidently. >> suggestion. please don't do that. ( laughter ) so how does the president feel about it? >> so beyonce is actually -- he's very ambivalent. he was very ambivalent about having them come in. he hates it when they get negative press. he's probably not going to like reading about this book too much. he hated it when jared couldn't
fill out his security clearance form many, many times. >> stephen: if there were 100 corrections in the security form, yes. >> he hated it when, you know, they both misused email. they used private email servers. >> stephen: why do you think the president doesn't get them out of there? >> so it's really interesting. he asked john kelly, former chief of staff, to make their lives so miserable that they would just resign. john kelly did exactly what he was asked to do. they came to resign, and trump couldn't do it. you know, for a man -- >> stephen: are you saying that they actually said we're tendering our resignations? >> yes. >> stephen: to kelly or the president? >> to the president, and he -- he cannot send his daughter home and, actually, his supporters, interestingly enough, think that his daughter and her husband may
be his undoing, that they are far more dangerous to him than robert mueller. >> stephen: why? why are they dangerous? because they have dirt in their past or -- >> all the vulnerabilities that i talk about in the book, jared's role in the firing of james comey is currently one of the things being looked at by congress, who now have subpoena power. it was much greater than has been previously reported. jared normally tries to take the president aside when no one else can hear what's going on. he actually had a standup fight in front with steve bannon in front of other people and in front of the president about james comey, and it was he who was pushing the james comey to be fired. he made three points. he said the f.b.i. hates james comey, the democrats hate james comey and the trump base would love it if we fired him. why did he do all of this?
because the press had just got wind to have the fact that jared had not mentioned any of his meetings with russian dignitaries on his security forms, and comey was in charge of the russia investigation. >> stephen: you are saying to protect himself, not the president. >> exactly, that is the appearance. >> stephen: is there anybody left to check the influence of jared and ivanka because bannon's gone, kelly's gone. >> big body count. >> stephen: blood in the gutters. who is there to say no to these people? >> so here's an interesting suggestion -- melania trump, friend of this show, is -- >> stephen: she's here often. she's here often. ( laughter ) >> -- she is the only person in my book who has ever successfully stood up to ivanka trump and won. you know, they had a scene, it's the transition, ivanka trump has told the world that she's not
going to be joining white house. that is absolute rubbish. behind the scenes, she's making all the plans. she's actually having a trump family office drawn up for the east wing, which is normally the territory of the first lady. when melania trump heard about this, she put a very quick end to ivanka's plans. >> stephen: so all our hope rests on melania trump. ( laughter ) thank you for this hopeful, hopeful discussion. ( laughter ) and thank you for being here. the book is "kushner, inc.." it's available tomorrow. vicky ward, everybody. thank you so much for being here. back with a performance by karen o & danger mouse. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ♪ introducing non-stop spring styles for the family! get forty percent off everything for the family online, today only!
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♪ ooh woo, i'm a rebel just for kicks, now ♪ ♪ i been feeling it since 1966, now ♪ ♪ might be over now, but i feel it still ♪ ♪ ooh woo, i'm a rebel just for kicks, now ♪ ♪ ooh woo, i'm a rebel just for kicks, now ♪ ♪ let me kick it like it's 1986, now ♪ ♪ might be over now, but i feel it still ♪ ♪ might've had your fill, but you feel it still, ooh woo ♪ >> stephen: tonight, in a spike jonze-directed performance of "woman," off their album "lux prima" ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, karen o and danger mouse! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪
♪ i'm a woman, what you see i'm a woman, what you see ♪ what you see, ain't what i be, oh! ♪ you don't want it ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ you don't want it then don't take it ♪ no rest for the weak, no sleep at night ♪ you can make it you're gonna want it you can take it you forget what you see ♪ when you close your eyes you can take it ♪ i'm a woman, what you see
i'm a woman, what you see ♪ i'm a woman, what you see ain't run through me, ain't ♪ run through me, oh! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ won't you come be my friend ♪ won't you come be my friend 'cause the only other friend i ♪ could ever be is to me i'm a woman, what you see ♪ i'm a woman, what you see i'm a woman, what you see ♪ can't come through me, ain't going through me, oh! ♪ i'm a woman, i'm a woman, yeah
>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be chris hayes from msnbc, and star of tim burton's "dumbo," nico parker. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> ladies and gentlemenl