Skip to main content

tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  March 28, 2019 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

11:35 pm
colbert is next. >> our next newscast, you got it. 4:30 tomorrow morning. i'll be there. goodnight. captioning sponsored by cbs >> president trump's 2020 campaign kicked off last night in el paso, texas. ♪ ♪ >> you're not allowed to own cows anymore. ♪ ♪ >> it's the radical left coming for your money, and they're
11:36 pm
coming for your freedom. ♪ ♪ >> you do love your dogs, don't you? i wouldn't mind having one, honestly, but i don't have any time. ♪ ♪ >> i'm guilty! >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." plus, stephen welcomes: featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause )
11:37 pm
>> stephen: beautiful. hello! welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. and i just can't believe these people have. they've been through hell and back this afternoon in this weather out here. ( cheers and applause ) um, folks, you know how the government can't get anything done and congress can't agree on anything? well, big news, because something happened. uh, i think. probably. ( laughter ) and i'm feeling very t.b.d. and all we know right now is people are talking about it a lot, so that's not nothing, one imagines. here's what might have happened: last night a bipartisan group of
11:38 pm
key lawmakers announced a tentative deal that would avert another government shutdown at the end of the week. a tentative deal at the end of the week. ( laughter ) i will be conditionally impressed, at some later date. ( cheers and applause ) right now, i'm like-- the sticking point, of course, has been trump's wall. he demanded $5.7 billion to build 215 miles of wall. a: experts say we don't need a wall. and b: 215 miles would not be enough. immigrants told us years ago how many miles they'd be willing to walk. ♪ but i would walk 500 miles and i would walk 500 more ♪ ( clapping ) >> stephen: oh, hey! 500 miles and 500 more. >> jon: yeah, it's very clear. >> stephen: who knows how much that is? ( laughter ) but this deal gives trump only
11:39 pm
less than $1.4 billion for just 55 miles of fences. the border is 2,000 miles. so of course, they'll need to set aside money for signs that say, "please attempt to cross only at fence." ( laughter ) it's an honor system. you're on your honor. ( cheers and applause ) and remember how trump shut down the government after rejecting a border bill back in december? well, that deal offered him $1.6 billion for fencing. that is some a-plus negotiating. ( laughter ) ( as trump ) "okay, here we go. no, no. you write a number on a slip of paper, pass it across to me on the table, okay? then i'm gonna shut down the table for a month until everyone gets really mad at me and cardi b. calls me out. ( laughter ) then i'll reopen the table, you slide me an even smaller number,
11:40 pm
and i say yes. ( laughter ) deal art-ed. ( cheers and applause ) deal-- i showed you-- i showed you the art. show-art." he didn't get what he wanted, and his tv friends noticed and they're being mean about it. lou dobbs tweeted, "their deal is an insult to potus and the american people." laura ingraham called it "pathetic." and sean hannity said this bill is a "garbage compromise." and this afternoon, trump agreed with those people who tell him what he agrees with. >> i'm not happy about it. it's not doing the trick. >> stephen: ( as trump ) "no, it's not doing the trick, okay. tell you what: try rolling up the agreement and spanking me with it. that might do the trick. oh!" ( applause ) but he's sure that when he does build his wall, it's going to be
11:41 pm
beautiful-- not like those uggo walls that other presidents put up. >> but they were so ugly with rusted steel and big ugly plates on top that were all tin-canned- - it's called tin canned when they're wavy because the heat makes them expand and contract. i said why didn't you paint the steel?" >> stephen: does trump think an attractive wall would be more effective? ( as immigrant ) "okay, time to illegally enter america. oh, wait, we can't climb it. it's gorgeous! ( laughter ) it would be a sin! get down." ( cheers and applause ) i got swooned. i swooned there for a minute. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: so, yeah, trump is getting a very small amount of what he asked for. but remember, nancy pelosi said this: >> we're not doing a wall! does anybody have any doubt that we're not doing a wall? >> stephen: madame speaker, i have one doubt.
11:42 pm
you just agreed to do some wall. i know it's only 55 miles, but trump's been known to make very little material look like it's covering a large area. ( laughter ) okay, you just... ( cheers and applause ) but trump believes he can fund the rest of his wall without congress using some fancy accounting tricks. >> we're supplementing things and moving things around, and we're doing things that are fantastic, and taking from far less-- really, from far less important areas. >> stephen: and according to the white house, those far less important areas are disaster relief funds intended for california and puerto rico. ( booing ) so, trump's plan is to divert funds from actual disasters in order to prevent a fictional one. that's like pulling cops off a bank robbery because you need all hands on deck at nakatomi plaza. bruce willis and the dad from
11:43 pm
"family matters" need back-up! they're dying hard over there! it's christmas and he has no shoes! thank you, thank you, sir. ( applause ) >> jon: come on, bruce willis. >> stephen: it's a christmas movie, jon. >> jon: i know. i like that. >> stephen: a christmas movie. while negotiations were going on last night, trump flew to el paso to hold a rally to push for his wall. but the deal was reached right before trump hit the stage, but he didn't let something as small as the only reason he went down there inform him. >> i have to tell you, as i was walking up to the stage, they said that progress is being made with this committee. just now, i said, "wait a minute. i got to take care of my people from texas. i got to go. i don't even want to hear about it." ( cheers and applause ) i don't want to hear about it. >> stephen: and while he was talking, he drifted a bit,
11:44 pm
started talking about pets. >> you do love your dogs, don't you? ( applause ) i wouldn't mind having one honestly, but i don't have any time. i don't have-- how would i look walking a dog on the white house lawn? ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, yeah, if this is the way you walk a dog, you would look ridiculous. ( laughter ) but don't blame that on the dog. "come here. come here." ( applause ) then someone from the crowd gave trump the real reason he shouldn't get a dog. >> obama had a dog. >> obama had a dog. you're right. >> stephen: right, right. good point. trump hates obama so much, he'll do anything that is the opposite of what obama did. ooh, mr. president, please remember-- barack obama was re-
11:45 pm
elected. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that happened. yeah. >> stephen: it's true. it's true. even though immigrant populations commit fewer crimes than the general population, trump didn't stop that from trying to scare people. >> 4,000 kidnappings and 4,000 murders, murders, murders, killings, murders. >> stephen: either he doesn't care what the truth is, or he's pitching cbs's newest crime procedural, "csi: murders murders, murders, killings, murders." ( cheers and applause ) "turns out he was dead... by the third murder. ( laughter ) if we just could have gotten to him by that second murder, we had a chance. but then the killing came along
11:46 pm
and..." ( laughter ) you see, prior to coming to el paso, trump had been claiming that the city's crime rate fell after a section of wall went up. turns out, that's a false claim. but last night, trump fired back at the facts. >> some of the most dishonest people in media are the so- called fact checkers. they said, "oh, crime actually stayed the same." didn't stay the same. went way down. i'm telling you, it's just fake news. and you know what? you wouldn't even have to know. you can say that automatically without even knowing. >> stephen: ( as trump ) "in fact, in fact, not knowing really helps things, i say. that's why when it comes to knowing, i say just say no." then trump said something that rang a bell. >> and we're only getting stronger together. that's what's happening. >> stephen: yes. "stronger together." he stole hillary clinton's campaign slogan.
11:47 pm
that's bold! that is really bold. >> jon: yeah, he got a lot of audacity for that one. >> stephen: i mean, at this point it's only a matter of time before he steals her look. ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. regina king is here. but when we return, "meanwhile." stick around! i am totally blind. and non-24 can make me show up too early... or too late.
11:48 pm
or make me feel like i'm not really "there." talk to your doctor, and call 844-234-2424.
11:49 pm
yeah, i thought doing some hibachi grilling would help take my mind off it all. maybe you could relieve some stress by calling geico for help with our homeowners insurance. geico helps with homeowners insurance? they sure do. and they could save us a bundle of money too. i'm calling geico right now. cell phone? it's ringing. get to know geico and see how much you could save on homeowners and condo insurance.
11:50 pm
11:51 pm
get to know geico and see how much you could it's your time... .lf... . own it... take off in 3... 2... .aww it's time to get more. lower fares. better service. sweeter rewards. alaska airlines. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human! ( cheers and applause )
11:52 pm
you know, i'm excited, regina king is here from "if beale street could talk." ( cheers and applause ) golden globe, just won the golden globe. nominated for an oscar. she's amazing. beautiful film, too. have you seen it. >> jon: yeah, "beale street." barry jenkins. i like how he lights black people. we look great on his films. >> stephen: you look great a lot of times-- >> jon: but he really -- >> stephen: he knows how to capture that? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: what's his secret, do you think? >> jon: i don't know, but i would love to see what he does because it's so majestic and beautiful the way he portrays us. it's amazing. >> stephen: and it's a beautiful love story, too. >> jon: definitely, definitely, i agree. ( applause ) >> stephen: you know, every night i focus so much on the big roasted pig that is the news. but sometimes i like to take all the trimmings, boil them down, and set them in aspic in the savory head cheese of news that is my recurring segment:
11:53 pm
"meanwhile." ( cheers and applause ) meanwhile... didn't even do anything. didn't do anything. meanwhile, a florida city commissioner has resigned over face-licking allegations. now, listen, i will give you this: it is hard not to lick people in florida. they do look like jerky after a while. ( laughter ) the alleged licker-- for the record, hardly know her-- served as city commissioner of the tiny town of madeira beach, where she apparently had a "habit of licking men that either she was attracted to or thought she had authority over," including a coworker who says that she "licked his neck and the side of his face, slowly working her way up from his adam's apple." now, to be fair, that is one of the steps of doing a tequila shot in florida.
11:54 pm
it goes salt, shot, get elected city commissioner, lick a guy's face, pass out on a sea-doo. ( laughter ) meanwhile, a new study found that "1 in 5 parents said they believe that using a household spoon is okay for measuring medicines, but it is not," and you should "always use the dosing device that comes with the medication." so, no more spoons, okay? looks like it's back on the job, you gnarly ol' shot glass! ( laughter ) i will rinse you when i'm dead! meanwhile, if there weren't enough embarrassing stories coming out of virginia, a man there was arrested for projecting porn onto his garage door. i guess he thought it was too "on the nose" to project it on the tool shed. ( laughter ) meanwhile, in very upsetting news, a courthouse in oklahoma was evacuated after an attorney arrived with an abundance of bed bugs crawling on him. ( audience reacts )
11:55 pm
that-- that is disgusting. do you know how hard it is to get rid of lawyers? ( laughter ) one-- ( applause ) one of the people present in the courtroom said of the lawyer, "i don't even think he cared." okay, are we sure this was even a man? because it's starting to sound a lot like clint mcmullen: bed bug attorney! "your honor, i may be just ten billion bugs in a suit, but the only thing i'm itching for... is justice." ( laughter ) meanwhile, in ungrateful children news, a man is suing his parents because he was conceived without his consent. ( laughter ) and, therefore, his parents should pay for his life. ( laughter ) the man-- ( applause ) the man, seen here being so
11:56 pm
disappointing, raphael samuel, believes in an ideology called anti-natalism, that believes it's morally wrong for people to procreate. so, it's either a strongly held belief or a really elaborate excuse for being a virgin. "i don't want to procreate with you. okay? i'm an anti-natalist. unless you're into that." ( laughter ) and i'm excited to say that raphael's mom publicly responded to her son's lawsuit, writing on facebook, "i must admire my son's temerity to want to take his parents to court knowing both of us are lawyers." ( laughter ) ( applause ) yeah. true. >> jon: i don't know, man. >> stephen: yeah. sounds like raphael is in for quite a legal battle-- that is, unless he hires clint mcmullen: bed bug attorney! we'll be right back with regina king. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause )
11:57 pm
♪ hmmm all these websites say it's normal to start shaving at age 15. ♪ i'm a man ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪ ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪ ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪
11:58 pm
(butcher) we both know you're not just looking for pork chops. you're searching for something more... right this way. you thirst for adrenaline, you hunger for raw power. well, you've come to the right place. the road is yours, dig in. ...used almost everywhere on almost everybody. like the arm of an angel. or the leg of this little guy. for ages 2 and up, prescription eucrisa works at and below the surface of the skin. it blocks overactive pde4 enzymes which is believed to reduce inflammation. and it's steroid-free. do not use if you are allergic to eucrisa or its ingredients. allergic reactions may occur at or near the application site. the most common side effect is application site pain. ask your doctor about eucrisa.
11:59 pm
webut some of us turn outhose dreams...... into action... the bookers. the doers. the 'hit that confirmation button and let's go!'- ers! because bookers know that the perfect place to stay... is right there for the booking. be a booker at the world's #1 choice for booking accommodations.
12:00 am
♪ [baby crib musical mobile] millions are still exposed to the dangers of secondhand smoke. and some of them can't do anything about it. but you can. protect your family. visit
12:01 am
( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. folks, ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is an emmy and golden globe award winning actress who is oscar nominated for her performance in "if beale street could talk." >> a child is coming. it's your grandchild. i don't understand you. it's your grandchild. what difference does it make how it gets here? the child ain't got nothing to do with that. ain't none of us got nothing to do with that! >> that child, that child, that child, that child, that child, that child.
12:02 am
>> get your ( bleep ). >> stephen: please welcome, regina king! ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> hello. ( cheers ) >> stephen: hi. >> hello. >> stephen: thank for being here. >> my gosh. thanks for having me. >> stephen: it's so nice to have you on. jon and i were talking before, just, what a beautiful film this is. >> oh, my god. >> stephen: it's beautiful and it's heartbreaking and it's hopeful. and it's one of my favorite films of the year, truly a fantastic love story, too. >> i just have to say something, because i heard you guys talking earlier, and you were talking about how barry jenkins lights black people so beautifully. we have to give a shout out to
12:03 am
our cinematographer, james langston. he lights black people so beautifully-- ( applause ) --and he's not black! >> stephen: well, you know, congratulations on the golden globe, for one thing. and the oscar nomination. that's exciting. ( applause ) is this your first oscar nomination. >> it is! >> stephen: that's wonderful. >> it is. >> stephen: how does that feel? i've never been nominated for an oscar. that must be exciting. >> you haven't? >> stephen: sorry, no. >> um, it's-- it's-- it is quite the ride. it has been quite the education. >> stephen: you end up out there like, you know, at all these different events with other people who are nominated in the same category? >> yes. >> stephen: other actresses, and other actors, too. and what does that feel like to be with these other people you're in competition with? >> you know, i don't know what to compare it to because it's my first. but in this experience, it's been amazing meeting not just other actors, but i've been meeting people who i've been fans of-- editors, sound mixers-
12:04 am
- that i didn't know that they worked on projects that i've been a fan of for so long. and we're crossing paths, you know. i've had the opportunity to sit down and actually have a conversation with glenn close, who-- oh, my gosh! ( applause ) >> stephen: yeah. i feel the same way. she was just here on friday. >> oh, really? >> stephen: i feel the same way. yeah, sure. >> she was sitting right here? >> stephen: yeah, yeah. she's-- she's very sexy. ( laughter ) >> what do you think about me? ( applause ) >> stephen: uh... ( laughter ) ditto, i would say. um, so you are a mother yourself, though. >> i am. >> stephen: and this is the story of a mother who is-- she's fighting for her son. >> yeah. >> stephen: trying to help her son, protect her son, and her daughter-in-law, and her grandson.
12:05 am
but as a mother yourself, in what ways do you relate to the experience that your character is going through? >> oh, wow, sharon rivers is a mama bear. i am so blessed to come from a lineage of mothers-- my mother, my grandmother-- who are mama bears. so i was able to pull on those experiences as a daughter, as a granddaughter, and then as a mother to infuse all of those experiences into sharon. it's been... quite the... amazing experience. i-- women and men just every day who say, "oh, my gosh, you remind me of my mother." and i think we don't get the chance to see those women, like sharon, so often reflected in cinema. and i got to be her. james baldwin. ( applause )
12:06 am
>> stephen: and you won the-- when you won the golden globe, you gave one of the most moving speeches of the night. and in it you said from here on out, for the next several years, you're going to do everything in your power to make sure that the projects that you can get made will be 50% women. >> yeah. >> stephen: creating that project. what has been the response been since you said that? >> it has been huge. i mean the fact that i-- every interview and everything that i do since then, it's brought up. it holds my feet to the fire and makes me half to-- >> stephen: sure. >> --show up and follow up. but it keeps that in everyone's mind. and i hope that anyone that's watching in other industries will feel like they-- they will use their power to plant the seed as well. so it's-- it's been tremendous. and the thing that's been, i guess the most rewarding, is realizing that there are more
12:07 am
men than we think that support the gender parity. it's just that they haven't-- they don't know where to start! so i-- i hope that just hearing that declaration, hearing me challenge myself continues to inspire them to want to help make that become a reality. >> stephen: well, do you see changes already? because you've-- you've been in show business for a long time. >> yeah. >> stephen: you started on "227." >> i did, i did. >> stephen: i have a picture here of you. how old-- ( applause ) how old are we talking right here? >> oh! >> stephen: there you are. >> yeah, bangs! in england they call them fringe. and that looks a little more like fringe. >> stephen: how old were you? >> i was 13. >> stephen: 13-years-old. >> 13, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: did you know at this age already this is what i want to do with my life?
12:08 am
this is what my occupation will be? >> i think somewhat. you know, i feel like-- it felt natural, a natural space for me to be. i know that by the time i got to college i was very sure that it was a career choice. but, yeah, i think-- >> stephen: was there a fall- back? was there something else, "if this isn't working, i'll do that?" >> i don't know that it was a fall-back, but while i was acting and going through school, i really-- i wanted to be a dentist. ( laughter ) >> stephen: really? >> uh-huh. >> stephen: just for the glamour of it or the-- ( laughter ) you have beautiful teeth. don't get me wrong. you have amazing-- you clearly-- you clearly-- >> you see these choppers? >> stephen: you don't have periodontal disease. those are absolutely beautiful. >> i had the most amazing pediatric dentist. dr. ruble and his wife, babe, was his dental assistant, and they had like a little treasure chest that you could go in and at the end of your dental appointment. and they were just so fantastic.
12:09 am
and i have always-- you've got a good set of choppers there. >> stephen: very expensive. >> yes you do. >> stephen: very expensive. these are rentals. these are rentals. ( laughter ) >> well, you got a good pair. >> stephen: thank you very much. >> some people's rentals look like chicklets, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: like giuliani one for the uppers and the lowers. ( laughter ) what was it about dentistry? >> well played. >> stephen: were you like, i want to get in there with the tools and drill around and be up to my elbows in other people's spit for the rest of my life or you just like teeth? >> i don't think i thought about it that deeply. >> stephen: sure. >> a lot of people, the first thing they see are their eyes. the first thing i see is the smile. >> stephen: oh. >> and i just kind of started... >> stephen: "regina, my teeth are up here." ( laughter ) i don't know what that means. i don't know what that means. it's so nice to see you. "if beale street could talk" is in theaters now. regina king, everybody!
12:10 am
we'll be right back with bill and melinda gates. what would i say to somebody keep being you.? keep loving. keep aspiring. keep striving. and ask your doctor about biktarvy. biktarvy is a complete one-pill, once-a-day treatment used for hiv in certain adults. it's not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv with three different medicines to help you get to undetectable. that means the amount of virus is so low it can't be measured in lab tests. so keep pushing. keep creating. and keep pouring your soul into everything you do. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems, and kidney failure. rare, life-threatening side effects include a build-up of lactic acid and liver problems.
12:11 am
do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. if you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. if you're hiv-positive, keep loving who you are, inside and out. ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. ♪ ♪ ♪ it's taking over ♪ there's no escape ♪ you better get moving ♪ ready or not ♪ it's about to go down here it comes now ♪ ♪ get ready ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ get ready ♪ moving ♪ ready or not ♪ get ready
12:12 am
♪ oh oh oh oh oh ♪ hey ♪ the house, kids, they're living the dream ♪ ♪ and here comes the wacky new maid ♪ -maid? uh, i'm not the... -♪ is she an alien, is she a spy? ♪ ♪ she's always here, someone tell us why ♪ -♪ why, oh, why -♪ she's not the maid we wanted ♪ -because i'm not the maid! -♪ but she's the maid we got -again, i'm not the maid. i protect your home and auto. -hey, campbells. who's your new maid?
12:13 am
12:14 am
( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to "the late show." folks, my next guests tonight are renowned philanthropists who lead the bill and melinda gates foundation. please welcome bill and melinda gates! ( cheers and applause )
12:15 am
♪ ♪ >> stephen: please. good to see you again. >> great to see you. >> stephen: i have interviewed you both. i don't think i have ever interviewed you both together. >> we'll see how it goes. >> stephen: we will see who is the word hog between the two of you. jump in-- all these questions will be jump balls here. the first one is i know you are here to talk about your 2009 annual letter. you guys put out a letter every year for the bill and melinda gates foundation. what is the purpose of a letter? and why a letter? they have computers now, bill. ( laughter ) what is the purpose of this? >> well, every year we get to see a lot of things. we travel to africa, we meet with scientists. we see a lot of things that are going very well, things like
12:16 am
reducing childhood death and improving nutrition. so, it's a chance for us to share why we're excited about the work and where things are going. >> stephen: and this-- the theme this year is? >> surprises. things that have surprised us the last 20 years, or even in this last year in particular. >> stephen: okay, tell me if i'm wrong. people have known you for years as the richest man in the world. you're the second richest man in the world, right? >> we're trying to give it away faster, so. >> stephen: will bezos even take your calls at this point? ( cheers and applause ) you're trying to give it away faster. see, that's the sort of behavior people want from billionaires. there's a lot of talk right now that maybe billionaires shouldn't exist. have you heard some of this talk? >> we have. >> stephen: that maybe the existence of billionaires is a failure of capitalism, because not enough of the-- the capital gets too concentrated with too few people. what would you say to those people who say billionaires shouldn't exist? >> well, we might be biased.
12:17 am
>> stephen: it's possible, it's possible. >> i think you can make the tax system take a much higher portion from people with great wealth. >> stephen: 70%? 70%. ( cheers and applause ) >> well, that's the-- that's the ordinary income. these great fortunes were not made through ordinary incomes. so you probably have to look to the capital gains rate and the estate tax if you want to, you know, create more equity there. so i think that's a great debate. i think if you go so far as to say that there's a total upper limit that, that might have more negatives than positives. but, you know, i may have a distorted view of this. >> stephen: you both go all around the world. there are a lot of places in the world where there are much higher tax rates, especially for the most wealthy. how does it work out in those countries? >> not necessarily that well. in fact there have been many times when you're in france and they'll say, "gosh, we wish we could have a bill gates.
12:18 am
we wish we could have such a vibrant tech sector. but the taxes are-- have been done there in such a way that it distribute actually stimulate good growth. so, we believe in a good tax system that should tax the wealthy more than low-income people for sure. >> stephen: more than presently is being taxed? >> yes. >> that would be our view. we have been the biggest lobbyists-- ( applause ) we've been lobbying in favor of increasing the estate tax. there was actually one year that was good to die in because there was no estate tax. >> stephen: oh, damn it! i missed it! >> yeah, you did. ( laughter ) but that could be increased quite a bit. it's lower than it-- it used to be 55%. >> we do believe that to whom much is given much is expected. and that means you need to have- - ( applause ) you need to have a fair tax system that taxes the wealthy more than lower/middle income, and you need have a vibrant philanthropy sector. philanthropy can never make up for taxes.
12:19 am
but it is that catalytic wedge where we can try things. we can do innovations that you wouldn't want your government to do with tax dollars but it has to be government that scales things up like health or education. >> stephen: well, as you said the theme is surprise. what are the biggest surprise or maybe the most hopeful surprises we will see in the newsletter this year? >> one of the ones i speak about-- we both speak about, but i speak about the most around the world-- is a cell phone has so much power in the hands of a poor woman. and what i mean by that when she has a digital bank account-- women in poor countries will tell you they're not welcomed at the bank. they don't have the money to get on the bus to go there. if they do, they might get robbed. but when she can save $1 a day, $2 a day on her cell phone, she spends it on behalf of her family, on their health and the education of her kids. and she also sees herself differently. she starts to see herself as a working woman. and she'll tell you, her husband sees her differently when she has assets. she's in india, her mother-in- law sees her differently.
12:20 am
her oldest son sees her differently when she buys him a bike. so it's not the only tool but it's one of the tools that will help empower women. >> stephen: the two of you seem to put so much-- ( applause ) the two of you seem to put so much thought into the general welfare, and while, again, you're fabulously wealthy, you seem to try to work altruistically for other people. howard schultz is a billionaire. he's running for president. mayor bloomberg is a billionaire. he's thinking about running for president. donald trump pretends to be a billionaire. he is the president. have the two of you thought about running for public office? ( cheers and applause ) >> well, we work with politicians. but neither of us will choose to run for office. you know, we are specialized in what we dig into and what we know. and, you know, we hope we get good politicians. but we're not going to run.
12:21 am
>> stephen: well, in that case-- i thought that was the case-- so we had these made for you. they're the only two campaign shirts available. "gates 2020, it's not an option." >> perfect! >> stephen: there you are. there you are, young lady. >> all right, definitely not running. >> stephen: the gates foundation annual letter is out today. you can also get it online. bill and melinda gates, everybody! we'll be right back with jena friedman. you know that look? that life of the party look. walk it off look. one more mile look. reply all look. own your look with fewer lines. there's only one botox® cosmetic. it's the only one fda approved to temporarily make frown lines, crow's feet and forehead lines look better. the effects of botox® cosmetic may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness
12:22 am
may be a sign of a life-threatening condition. do not receive botox® cosmetic if you have a skin infection. side effects may include allergic reactions, injection site pain, headache, eyebrow, eyelid drooping and eyelid swelling. tell your doctor about your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. so, give that just saw a puppy look and whatever that look is. look like you with fewer lines. own your look with the one and only botox® cosmetic. (paul)own(mom) look you should really stop overpaying for wireless. (sprintern) and upgrade to the brilliant iphone xr with sprint. (sassbot) get both at sprint for one great price. (baby) both? (vo) switch and get both an unlimited plan and iphone xr lease for just $35 a month. for people with hearing loss, visit
12:23 am
the savings add up... with an extra 15% off!... introducing evri - kohl's exclusive new plus collection... save on bath towels... and kids spring tops... plus - take $10 off your $50 or more kids' sale purchase... plus - get kohl's cash! right now... at kohl's.
12:24 am
yoooh, hello yellow! at ross and you find... yes! that's yes for less. spring forward with the latest brand-name styles at 20 to 60 percent off department store prices. at ross. yes for less. and there's nothing standard about that. with 10 resorts less than an hour from salt lake international airport, mountain time means more time on more resorts on the greatest snow on earth. it means more time with the kids and more time away from the kids. ski more, shred more, chill more, cheers more because mountain time is a state of mind that can only be found in one place. utah. that can only be found in one place. and you find the same style you knoyou saw there... ross that's yes for less. yes! say yes to those spring trends you love, at 20 to 60 percent off specialty store prices, every day. at ross. yes for less.
12:25 am
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ you said you'd rather sniff dirty socks than clean the bathroom? that's nuts! with scrubbing bubbles cleaning doesn't have to stink. it gets rid of tough soap scum and it smells amazing. it's cleaning reinvented. sc johnson. tand sasha got dressed to crushr her job interview. and millions of others americans got dressed for their own personal reasons.
12:26 am
stitch fix. personal styling for everybody. ( ♪ ) man: you can do this! grab those command picture hanging strips and let's make it work. they're tool free and they hold strong. oh, rustic chic! an arrow angled to point at rustic chic. hmm, may i be honest here? let's take that down, damage free, with a stretch, remove... and look: no marks, no mess. like a pro. command. do. no harm. when a stuffy nose closes in... (whimper) breathe right strips open your nose up to 38% more than cold medicine alone. (deep breath)
12:27 am
breathe better, sleep better. breathe right. we put it to the ultimate test. leakguard technology, breathe better, sleep better. ♪ a hollywood stunt. [glass shattering] if it can prevent leaks during that, it can help prevent leaks at home. be happy, it's glad.™
12:28 am
( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a standup comedian and former field producer for "the daily show." her latest comedy special is "soft focus with jena friedman." please welcome back to "the late show," jena friedman! ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, nice to see you again.
12:29 am
>> it's so nice to be here, stephen. >> stephen: the last time we were together was on election night of 2016. it was live. and it was just so memorable. >> it was a night. ( laughter ) >> stephen: it really was. >> yeah. >> stephen: it really was. i still wake up, you know, in a cold sweat sometimes, though i know it really happened. how you have been in the last two years? >> well, it's nice that you sleep. so that's cool. >> stephen: sure, yeah, well... edibles are legal many places now. >> you know, it's been an interesting two years. it's been weird to watch a foreign power meddle in our election. because that's, like, america's thing. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: sure. >> i want to add, though, that it's cool that i can make fun of america without fear of going to jail-- as of now. ( laughter ) but, you know, so that was weird. i mean, it's been-- how are you? how are you? >> stephen: oh, just-- i'm
12:30 am
physically fine. ( laughter ) we-- we-- because donald trump sort of sucks all the oxygen out of the news every day, and we-- we don't break news. we just talk about what people are talking about every day. we end up talking about the president a lot. has he affected your life professionally at all? >> you know, i'm very lucky to not be a person who has been affected by him yet. you know, i'm not undocumented. ha-ha! >> stephen: and i'm sure women won't be affected at all. >> no, women are! look, i mean, the shutdown has been really scary. what are we-- do we have, like, a pop-up government now? like what is this thing that we have? it's scary. >> stephen: sure, in a week it's just going to be halloween decorations. >> sure. i mean, i've been, like-- it's scary to fly. i had to fly during the shutdown. and like, i don't lover flying when air traffic controllers are being paid.
12:31 am
( laughter ) so it was scary. fortunately, i felt safe on the plane because i was able to bring my gun, so... ( laughter ) ( applause ) that was fun. >> stephen: because you just sailed through. >> yup. >> stephen: have you-- i've actually-- i actually met the president a couple of times, had him on here once, and met him-- >> which seat? >> stephen: met him off campus a few times. we had them fumigated. and-- ( laughter ) but have you met the man? >> you know, i had an encounter where i was working on a film, called "undecided" the movie. it's on itunes. >> stephen: we have a photo here. is that what this goes to? >> yes, i have a thesis that the best way to get rid of a narcissist is to ignore them. and so, it didn't work, but i tried. so, yeah, that's-- >> stephen: what's happening in this photo? >> i'm behind him-- >> stephen: you're on stage with him. >> yeah. and i-- no one called me, but i just decided to get up and pretend that i was on the phone. ( laughter )
12:32 am
>> stephen: so you stood up behind him and talked on a cell phone that no one was talking to you on just so you looked like you were ignoring the president of the united states? ( cheers and applause ) nicely done. nicely done. >> i mean, you can call him "president." you can call him "russian asset." there are so many terms we can use. ( laughter ) >> stephen: now, the show, "soft jena friedman," you are back out on the road. we were on the-- we both worked at "the daily show," and you get out of your comfort zone so often when you're interviewing people. you go into some place and you don't know necessarily what their concerns are and you get your story. have you been out of your comfort zone recently? >> well, i was in my comfort zone when interviewing john mcafee. he's running for president-- >> stephen: is he? >> yes, that's why i interviewed him. >> stephen: john mcafee, the cyber-security guy who exiled himself to belize or something and he has a private army with guns?
12:33 am
>> yes, he's running for president. he's also an alleged sex offender, but i think that might make him more likely to win. ( laughter ) i do think, though, we need to do a better job at reaching across the aisle-- sorry, i guess it's a wall now-- just punching through the wall and connecting with republicans, you know. like, finding mutual common ground. like i have been doing some soul-searching, and i'm like, you know what? i get republicanism. it's what i tell people i am so that they'll walk away from me at parties. ( laughter ) and quiet time is important, you know? ( laughter ) but also, i think they get a bad rap with women. but they support us in some ways. like, they always pay for sex. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah. >> you never get it for free. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. credit where credit is due. >> yeah. >> stephen: uh-huh. did mcphee have a gun when you talked to him? >> he had a gun and he was drinking. you guys should watch it.
12:34 am
"soft focus." it's on adult swim, it's my dream show. i hope you all get to see it. ( applause ) thanks. >> stephen: jena, thank you so much for being here. i'm so grateful to have you back after what you had to go through the first time. >> it was my pleasure. >> stephen: you can see "soft focus" on jena friedman, everybody! we'll be right back.
12:35 am
12:36 am
>> stephen: now stick around for jay cords. good night.
12:37 am
>> stephen: you don't see the village people saying, "no, no, no, we've updated it. ♪ it's fun to stay at the air... "b" "b" & "b" ♪ b & b. it's hard to do a "b." air b & bs captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on