tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS April 29, 2019 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
our next newscast tomorrow morning at 4:30 am. we will see you. have a good night. captioning sponsored by cbs ( laughter ) ♪ >> it is you, right? darker than usual this week. he's coming! will bring death to us all! what is your prophetic vision! tell us about how we can defeat the night king. save us! >> i'm going to go now. wait! where are you going? what could be more important than this? ( bell tolls ) ( bird cawing ) >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert!
tonight, stephen welcomes seth rogen and jessica yellin, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hello! beautiful! thank you so much, everybody! welcome. welcome, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." i'm our host stephen colbert. good to be back.
so good to be back with these people. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) great to be off, good to be back. we were off for a week, right? a week? and i totally unplugged from the news. so you can imagine my surprise this morning when i tuned back in and discovered that donald trump is still president. ( laughter ) did no one read the mueller report? but there is an election scheduled for 2020 and, last week, someone new entered the race. i'll tell you all about it in tonight's "doin' it donkey style." ( applause ) when last we met, a lot of establishment democrats were wringing their hands about stopping bernie sanders. they were afraid that's he's unelectable because he's 77-years-old.
well, enter a plucky, young up 'n comer a full 14 months younger than bernie, former vice president -- ( applause ) -- and man pointing at the next woman he wants to sniff, joe biden. ( laughter ) ( applause ) after months of teasing, today, biden was in pittsburgh to hold the first official rally of his presidential campaign. and he started off appealing to voters with a steamy striptease. yeah! take it off, joe! yeah, let's see you roll up them sleeves! mm-hmm! yeah, put some lotion on those elbows! a little cracked. a little cracked. ( laughter ) but as far as rallies go, the whole thing seemed off. the crowd didn't chant to lock anyone up, no journalists were threatened and there were no unifying hats!
( laughter ) without hats, where do voters keep their beliefs? in their brains? ( laughter ) biden kicked things off with his reasons for running. >> there are three basic reasons why i'm running for president of the united states. the first is to restore the soul of the nation, and the second is to rebuild the backbone of this nation. ( cheers and applause ) and the third is to unify this nation. >> stephen: "and the fourth is that i'm pretty sure i left an almost-new chapstick in the oval office somewhere... this nation." ( laughter ) ( applause ) biden took a swing at the current president: >> donald trump is the only president who's decided not to represent the whole country. >> stephen: i agree, he doesn't represent the whole country. i'm not even sure trump can name all the states in the country. ( laughter ) (as trump) "there's new york, florida, wisconsin, north carolfornia,
hawai-daho, and the rest, of course, are all dakotas." ( laughter ) today was the official announcement, but biden teed it up last week with this youtube video. >> charlottesville, virginia is home to the author of one of the great documents in human history. we know it by heart. "we hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights." >> stephen: that is inspiring. it makes you want to stand up for american values, and maybe buy a reverse mortgage. ( laughter ) seems like a reverse ad, i might say. ( cheers and applause ) and biden doubled down on the somber theme. >> charlottesville was also home to a defining moment for this nation in the last few years.
on august of 2017, we saw klansmen and white supremacists and neo nazis come out in the open chanting the same anti-semitic bile heard across europe in the 30s. >> stephen: biden appealing to his core demo: people alive in the 1930s. ( laughter ) but biden didn't just attack white supremacists, he also went after their hero. >> and that's when we heard the words of the president of the united states that stunned the world and shocked the conscience of this nation. he said there were, quote, "some very fine people on both sides." very fine people on both sides? and in that moment, i knew the threat to this nation was unlike any i had ever seen in my lifetime. >> stephen: that's powerful stuff. and true. and here's why trump should be worried about biden: trump's already worried about biden.
( laughter ) and the proof is that this ad did something none of the other democrats have done, put trump on the defensive. after biden's ad, the president had to answer for charlottesville again: >> if you look at what i said you will see that that question was answered perfectly. i was talking about people that went because they felt very strongly about the monument to robert e. lee, a great general. >> stephen: trump thinks you should be honored because you're a good general, no matter which side you fight on. that explains why i went to "erwin rommel middle school." ( laughter ) the fighting desert foxes! ( laughter ) then, on conservative radio, trump repeated his claim that he was just talking about the robert e. lee statue: >> they just wanted to protest the fact that they want to take down the statue of robert e. lee. now, there were a lot of good people in that group and they
were protesting the taking down of statues. and you had some very bad people in each group. >> stephen: (as trump) "bad people in each group. i hear some people even called those nazis the 'n' word. 'nazi.'" ( laughter ) that's not nice. that's not nice. that's wrong. that's, look, why did you have to jump to nazi just because they're nazis? that nationwide radio fib was significant because it was the statement that pushed trump over 10,000 false or misleading claims. woo! ( cheers and applause ) trump has passed 10,000 lies! man, if trump had a dollar for every lie he's told, he'd say he had a billion dollars. ( laughter )
and in honor of the 10,000th lie milestone, we're gonna have a balloon drop. jimmy, let 'er rip! come on with the balloons. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) are there no balloons? are there no balloons? ( laughter ) but donald trump promised there'd be balloons! ( laughter ) oooh, 10,001! ( cow bell ) ( cheers and applause ) no balloons, jon. you even rehearsed a song and no balloons. >> jon: even had the song down. >> stephen: what's the name of that song? >> well, for purposes of copyright, it's called "we're here." ( laughter ) >> stephen: i don't know what
that means, but i love it. i love it. ( applause ) now, as a spry 72-year-old, trump is looking to paint himself as a young-- fresh-faced?-- alternative to biden. >> how old is too old to be president? >> well, i think that-- i just feel like a young man. i'm so young! i can't believe it. i'm the youngest person. i am a young, vibrant man. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: "i am a young, vibrant man." that's usually what you hear someone say as the nurse leads them out of the parking lot back to the day room. "i'm a young vibrant man. let me go, young lady. general eisenhower is expecting me on omaha beach ." ( laughter ) what does he mean, "i'm the
youngest person." of all his 10,000 lies, that might be the biggest. (as trump) "i'm the youngest person in the world. every single second, a baby is born, but i'm younger than any of them. don't believe me? i'm younger than a baby. i have no object permanence, i have a limited vocabulary, and i am wearing a diaper, and everything i see, i put in my mouth ." ( cheers and applause ) in fact, trump is so afraid of facing biden that he's giving advice to bernie sanders. on saturday, trump tweeted, "the democratic national committee sometimes referred to as the d.n.c., is again working its
magic in its quest to destroy crazy bernie sanders, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot for the most traditional, but not very bright, sleepy joe biden. here we go again bernie, but this time please show a little more anger and indignation when you get screwed!" ( audience reacts ) is it possible for bernie to sound any angrier? ( laughter ) everything he says sounds like you just cut him off in the costco parking lot. ( laughter ) (as bernie) "why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? just like me, they long to be close to you." ( laughter ) ( applause ) then, on saturday, instead of attending the white house correspondents' dinner, trump
held a rally in green bay, wisconsin. and he was pretty proud of some of his ideas. >> last month alone, 100,000 illegal immigrants arrived at our borders. now we're sending many of them to sanctuary cities. thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) they're not too happy about it. i'm proud to tell you that was actually my sick idea. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: (as trump) "yup, it was my sick idea, totally demented, the fevered ramblings of a syphilitic brain. i'm a mentally-ill sadist and i'm all-powerful. thanos can kiss my infinity sack." ( laughter ) "he had nothing on me. it's got jewels ." >> jon: wow, wow.
>> stephen: "it has five stones on it and everything, solid gold." trump also railed against one of america's greatest foes. >> canada has been taking big advantage of your agricultural products, you know that. you know, canada, we love the song "o canada". let's sing "o canada" right? (audience booing) we love the song. >> stephen: did they just boo "o canada?" ( laughter ) i guess they don't like ethnic music. ( laughter ) but trump did have nice things to say about one person, n.f.l. draft pick nick bosa. >> i was watching the other night, the n.f.l. draft, can you believe it? ( audience reacts ) and it was the second-draft choice and he gets out, bosa, and he gets a real-- he's gonna be a great player from ohio state and he's a maga fan. he loves trump, he loves maga. he's going to have a great career. >> stephen: trump loves the second pick in the n.f.l. draft, nick bosa, who's white. but trump had nothing to say
about the top pick, kyler murray, who's black. well, nick bosa, robert e. lee: trump's just a big fan of white guys who came in second. ( laughter ) we've got a great show for you tonight. seth rogen is here. but when we return, spoiler alert: i'll be talking about "avengers: endgame!" stick around! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) we dwe make technologys... that moves people. this is the 2019 nissan rogue featuring tech like propilot assist. it helps keep you centered in your lane and in control. this is how nissan intelligent mobility is reinventing driving- for everyone. now the most exciting tech you own is in your driveway.
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my lord? hey good knight. where are you going? ♪ ♪ climbing up on solsbury hill ♪ grab your things, salutations. coffee that is a cup above is always worth the quest. nespresso. tis all i desire. did thou bring enough for the whole kingdom? george: nespresso, what else? ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah!
whoo! >> stephen: good to see you, my friend! how are you? >> jon: i'm good. how are you? >> stephen: beautiful. >> jon: how you doing? >> stephen: beautiful, just great. welcome back, everybody. thank you so much! ( cheers and applause ) i'm very excited, one of our very favorite people seth rogen is here tonight. >> jon: yes. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: just delightful, wonderful, intelligent, funny guy. another thing i'm excited about, may 9th, i've said it many times, an insane, almost needs to be chemically treated fan, "veep," the entire cast will be joining us on may 9. right over there. >> jon: 11 or 12 people. >> stephen: something like 40 people. yeah, i'm lying, but it's something like that. ( laughter ) of course, the biggest story in america is "avengers: endgame."
did anybody see it this weekend? ( cheers and applause ) jon, have you seen it? did you see it? >> i haven't seen it yet. >> stephen: i saw it last night with the family. it's a 182-minute epic, wrapping up 21 movies telling one massive story. there's been ups and downs, rivalries and infighting, but the heroes put their differences aside to fight the true villain. you hear that democrats? ( cheers and applause ) go nuts for the primaries, then just shut up and win. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) now, i don't wanna spoil anything, i'm not gonna tell you if they defeat thanos, but i know they defeated money, because the opening weekend demolished box office records, pulling in $1.2-billion worldwide. $1.2 billion! that's a dollar for every character! ( laughter ) of course, the internet is ablaze with fan theories.
the big one being that thanos' infinity gauntlet was inspired by the metal glove containing the hand of saint teresa of avila. makes sense. she is the patron saint of not peeing for three hours. ( laughter ) i saw it last night. >> jon: oh, yeah. >> stephen: and here's the thing is that people say these movies are so emotionally manipulative. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: i love being emotionally manipulated. that's why i go to movies. i like all humans have trouble showing my motions and i want someone to use all the tricks to pull emotions out of me like prying an oyster from the shell. what's the key component. >> jon: music. >> stephen: it tells you how you're supposed to feel in that moment. da-da-da-you're sad, they won,
whatever. do it to me. ( laughter ) but here's the thing, they didn't turn the lights out when the movie started. >> jon: that's $101. >> stephen: that's 101. you've not to turn the lights out. i don't mind the lights up for the 30 minutes of commercials we watched before the movie started. movie starts, lights go down. my lovely wife evie says, please turn the lights off. they say, what? the lights were still on in the theater and the movie started. oh, okay. they turned the lights down. she comes back and misses the first scene at the top of the movie. you're going, aw, right? i couldn't explain it to her later. ( laughter ) but that was fine. the real problem is there was no sound. i'm not say fog sound, it was virtually no sound. one of the channels was switched off, so we had all of the
dialogue but none of the sound track. the sound track was kind of in the background. you could kind of hear it, but maybe in the theater next to us. you know the sound effects where they put on the glove and you can hear it or right before the explosion, there are sounds. all of that, you know, clank, clank, clank, none of it. none of it. >> jon: messed up, man. >> stephen: if you didn't react at all, like, breathe too heavily, you could hear them talking. it was a really quiet, don't crinkle your wrapper kind of viewing of "avengers: endgame." >> jon: meddative. exactly, like you were at a samuel beckett play or something like that. three-hour movie. two hours into the movie, a guy comes in with one of those roley crash trance and a mop and he goes, is this the theater that's having the sound problems?
( laughter ) and no one wants to answer him for fear he'll keep talking because -- >> stephen: and you can't hear. >> you can't hear what people are saying on screen. he said, is this the one? we said, yes, it's too low! well, my manager will be on this as soon as the lines -- the lines are really long outside. they have been long all day, and as soon as the lines are down, i'll go and we'll -- he will turn the sound up. thank you! thank you! and again, we apologize. ( laughter ) because we're going to make this right. but, again, the lines. >> jon: i hope that wasn't the light guy, too. ( laughter ) >> stephen: so i did see the movie. >> jon: sort of. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i'm looking forward to hearing the movie. the next time i go. because i hear very good things. ( cheers and applause )
you know what it was like? it was like just reading the script of "the avengers" movie. that's why you go to the marvel movie, for the dialogue. ( laughter ) >> jon: yeah, perfect. >> stephen: last night was also the biggest battle ever on "game of thrones." ( cheers and applause ) which i'm also dying to talk about. i know many people couldn't watch it when it aired, so i'm going to do some spoiler-free gushing in our new segment: "the late show: no spoiler zone-- avengers: endgame of thrones edition." ( laughter ) okay, so that opening scene where-- you know, the one person is with the other people and then not? ( laughter ) but they come up with a plan, and man does it ever... happen. and then... events occur!
and that's the "avengers!" "game of thrones" had the swords, and the fire, and the arrows-- also arrows in "avengers"-- and then that character, the one you love! or hate, or love to hate, something happens to them! and you're like, "yes! i totally did-or-did-not see that coming!" ( laughter ) and then... when the dust settled, we all came to the same, stunning realization: the brightness setting on our tvs was too low. ( laughter ) so good. we'll be right back with seth rogen. or will we? no spoilers. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) if your mouth is made to amaze, let philips sonicare give its care a raise. if your teeth chew beyond their limit, then they've earned 62,000 movements a minute. if your mouth's used to a manual clean, treat it to microbubbles that feel great in between. if your amazing mouth does more than its share,
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is a writer, producer, and actor you know from "knocked up," "pineapple express," and "neighbors." his new film is "long shot." >> i'm nervous. this pretty woman. julia roberts and richard gere is about to come pick you up. >> do i look okay? do i look funny? a why are these pockets here? they're too tapered. >> you can't think like that. you have to be positive. >> mr. -- wish me luck. you don't need luck, luck is for losers. you have destiny on your side. >> you body body. doesn't mean anything. >> stephen: please welcome back to "the late show," seth rogen! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
>> it's delightful. thank you. >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> you, too. great to be here. >> stephen: how was your spring? >> a lovely season of rebirth. is that what spring is? sure. >> stephen: traditionally. yeah. >> stephen: if it's not, we're all in big trouble. >> exactly. no. my spring has been good. >> stephen: do you have anything you look forward to most? we're staring down the barrel of summer. >> we are. there's nothing specifically i look forward to. the weather is nicer, days are longer. >> stephen: new movies. everal movies coming out. long shot.
i have "long shot" coming out. >> stephen: "long shot" with charlize theron. >> charlize theron, yeah. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what's that like? have you worked with her before? >> no. i was scared. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i've interviewed her and it's a little scary. >> it's a little scary. it's funny because i'm an actor and i don't like it when people assume i'm whom my characters are. but when i meet another actor, i just assume they are who their characters are. and whin met charlize theron, i was, like, she's going to kill me. because that's what she does, she kills people, generally, on film. and in a movie i'm the type of guy she would kill, 100%. ( laughter ) , no, but i was a huge fan of hers for years and years. i would see her interviews and she was always very funny, so i thought it would be amazing to try to make, like, a comedy with her. but she is an incredible actor, and i am like an okay actor, but
i realize i'm not -- i'm not as good as she is at all, and one of the things i know that makes me not a great actor is when i'm in a scene with someone who's acting really, really well, i find myself thinking, whoa, this person's doing good! and i'm, like -- ( laughter ) -- that's not what you should be -- and i start anything, i shouldn't be thinking that. i'm in a scene like that. and then i'm, like, she's staring at me, should by talking? i'm sure david lewis has never thought that throughout the course of his career, no. >> stephen: i know you're not your characters. >> no, i'm not. >> stephen: but you do enjoy the occasional marijuana cigarette my understanding is. >> yeah, i smoke weed all day every day of my life. >> stephen: have you ever acted high? >> for the last 20 years
exclusively. yeah. >> stephen: could that be why you step outside of the scene so often? >> yeah, i become a viewer, oh, wow, she's very close, very vivid -- >> stephen: do you ever want to snack in the middle of the scene? >> there are scenes where you get to eat, and that is a lovely thing. but, no, yeah, i do smoke a lot of weed. >> stephen: i try to improvise high once. i stood on stage and was, like, these guys are good. boy, she's likely funny. >> i'm a great audience member. >> stephen: yeah. but i actually enjoy it in my personal life and on film. ( laughter ) >> stephen: so keep in mind, any movie we see you in, there's a fairly good chance that you're high. >> there's 100%, yes. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you and harrison ford. >> exactly. >> stephen: now, you also have another highly anticipated film
coming out. >> yes. >> stephen: is this this summer, too? >> it is in july, yes. >> stephen: holy cow, what a big pommer, you are playing pumba in the "lion king." ( cheers and applause ) >> it's amazing. >> stephen: is that a dream role for you? >> it really is. i grew up loving the line king. it emotionally hurt me as a child. ( laughter ) >> stephen: sure, what was his father, m mu mufasa is killed. >> in a very graphic way. it brings you to low lows and high highs. no pun intended. but, yeah, i love my friend john favro directed it, i've known him forever. beyonce is in the film, which is exciting ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: did you do any scenes with beyonce? >> technically pumba and nala share scenes. i did not meet beyonce, no.
>> stephen: why would you not meet beyonce? you're both in a film together. >> she has not been where i have yet. i've tried -- i was close to meeting her once around, i think, 11 years ago at the grammys. i was introducing eminem who was performing, he asked me to introduce him. when eminem asks you to do anything you say yeah because you don't want to him off, i don't think, honestly. it was backstage at the grammys, nervous and drinking as i tended to do at the time, and i had a drink and i saw beyonce and gwyneth paltrow kind of, like, floating towards me backstage. >> stephen: they don't use feet. >> no feet. they were kind of just like gliding around. >> stephen: yes. and i was, like, i'm a huge fan of beyonce, she's with gwyneth paltrow, i'll go say hi. and i tried to go over to say hi and, like, an arm hit me in the
chest like a baseball bat! and it was her security who just, like, knocked me aside with such force that i spilled my drink all over myself, and then i had to present, and, so, when i presented, i actually am standing funny because i spilled a drink all over myself because of beyonce's security guard. but with all due respect, if i saw me approaching beyonce -- ( laughter ) >> stephen: did you think about this -- >> -- i would swat myself aside with blatant disregard. >> stephen: did you think about saying to the guard, it's okay, i'm high? ( laughter ) >> yeah, i assume it's apparent. yeah. it would make me less of a threat in general. >> stephen: we have to take a little bit of a break. just hold on. hold that thought. back with more seth rogen! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause )
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>> yes. >> stephen: what's it been like to start a business like that for you? >> it's a product i'm passionate about, luckily. ( laughter ) cannabis. it's been amazingly gratifying, you know, to be able to help provide cannabis to the people of canada where it is federally illegal and we're selling it. >> stephen: in canada. yeah. it's thrilling. it's really a dream come true is that what's it called? >> house plant is what the company is called. >> stephen: that's nice. it's a lovely name, something you put on your shelf. for my whole life, weed is something hidden under the coffee table and we thought we should name it after something you proudly display instead of are ashamed of because as you can see, i am not ashamed of it. ( laughter ) but, yeah, there was a journey to get to the name because at first the instinct is do we name it, like paul newman, do we name it seth rogen's weed company? >> stephen: rogen's own.
rogen's own. but i thought that was a very narrowing name because at the end of the day, just in very general terms, weed is a better product than i am. ( laughter ) just because you don't like it seems to me meh doesn't like you're not going to like -- >> stephen: paul newman is more popular than the salad dressing. >> yes. >> stephen: weed is more popular than you. >> yes, i do not add anything to weed. but paul newman is adding to caesar dressing. >> stephen: it is available. it is available in british columbia now and we will be moving to other provinces throughout the year. >> stephen: to go with it, with these for sale or just for you? >> i have an obsession with ashtrays so i started making my own ashtrays in pottery. >> stephen: you're a collector of ashtrays? >> i'm a huge director with ashtrays because i interact with them all day every day because i smoke week all day every day and as a result -- >> stephen: are these pinch pots or -- >> it's a combination of
actually thrown on a wheel. that one, these two and that one was thrown on a wheel, and some of them i'm throwing the clay and creating them. but i'm getting better. i made two last week. this is the most boring interview of all time. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you know what would make it more interesting for someone watching? if they were high. >> to me, this is an incredible interview. yeah, i'm sitting here thinking how good you're doing. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, nice to see you. thanks for being here. >> you, too, i appreciate it. >> stephen: "long shot" is in theaters this friday! seth rogen everybody! we'll be right back with ronda rousey. [ pop ] [ ding, ding ] we'll be right back with journalist jessica yellin. [ whizzing whistle ] ] [ rubber duck squeaks ] ♪ [ firework explosions ] ♪ [ ding, ding, ding ]
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a former cnn chief white house correspondent and author of the novel "savage news." please welcome, jessica yellin! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hello! hello! >> stephen: it's nice to meet you face to face for the first time. you know, i've known your work for years and years and years. i'm a news junky and, of course, i followed your reports from cnn and wholes who else did you work for before that -- >> stephen: you have a new book called "savage news," based upon your experience for 20 years in the front lines of cable news infotainment.
i love cable news. i watch it all the time. >> so do i. >> stephen: but what is it like to be in cable news? what kind of notes do you get from producers as a reporter? >> okay. so the raisiest notes i've -- the craziest notes i've gotten is, jessica, it appears your hair is 1/8-inch longer on one side than the other. do we think we're tilting our head or our haircut is uneven? >> stephen: which is it, jessica? don't avoid the question. >> if you look, my hair looks uneven. one is blind my shoulders. >> stephen: that was app actual note you got, your hair is 1/8-inch? >> yeah. >> stephen: okay. i was also told i have a building problem. >> a building problem? yeah. that means you look not convincing in front of
buildings. >> stephen: not convincing what? we mistake you for the building? what does that mean? >> i worked that over so many times in my head, i think it's because i'm petite which is a polite way of saying short, and in the mind's eye of the producers, they thought of me as little so notfall of gravidas. but that's not how anything looks on tv. >> stephen: but everyone is smaller than a building. >> that should have been my comeback. >> stephen: lower the camera, i will look like a giant. >> i wish i could have called you for my response. >> stephen: you also have kind of a famous moment, when wolf blitzer, during the 2008 campaign, i think it was, he had a hologram, he had reporters appear via hologram in the situation nook -- >> room. >> stephen: -- and i believe you were the first of these reporters to appear via hologram. what was it like to report from the phantom zone? >> so i was in grant park the night barack obama was elected
president and he beamed me from grant park into the studio in new york. i asked them, i wanted to say, wolf, you're our only hope, as a nod to "star wars." >> stephen: sure. they would don't it? >> they said, no, play it straight. i don't know how you play a hologram straight, but they wanted me to do that. >> stephen: tell me, is this the first novel you've written? >> yes, and probably the last. eth very hard to write a novel. i'm sorry, should i not say that? >> stephen: no, don't say that. no, this is going to be the first of many. it's going to sell so many copies! >> i legal wanted to give people a glimpse of what it's like on this side of the camera and of what goes on inside the news business. but i wrote a novel, my first novel, because i thought if i want to have fun and be larger than life it should be fiction. >> stephen: because you're telling tales on real people in the news and you don't want to name names. >> i did but i didn't. >> stephen: you're busted.
there's a scene in a book where the whole washington, d.c. bureau freaks out because the breaking news banner has crashed on television and they can't be live on air without the words breaking news, so everyone rushes into the control room to see if they can summon the words. after that they declared hence henceforth everything in washington is always breaking news to the banner is always up. >> stephen: that's true. no, it's not. >> stephen: there's nothing that's not breaking news now. it always says breaking news. >> it does. i'm making a comment on that in a satirical way in the novel that's now come true. ( applause ) >> stephen: i know the problem. "savage news" is available now. jessica yellin, everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when i'll be joined by christina applegate. plus, "meanwhile!" now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show