tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS September 26, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
let's go ace. >> we will have alleges serious wrongdoing by the president of the united states and the first thing you do is go to the president's man at the white house and women and say, should i give it to congress? >> as you said, it came to me very early on in this. the fact that i was just -- i am the acting d.n.i. and i was still using garmon to get to the g.p.s. for intel officials. >> i just got this whistleblower report on donald trump. whitou. to congress. tth >> no, don't take me there! the complaint sabt the president! >> rerouteing to the justice department. >> no! william barr is named in the complaints. >> rerouteing.
this may take three weeks. >> what's happening? and schiff has sent a tow truck to drag your as to the house intelligence committee. this conversation never happened. ( cheers and applause ) >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight quid pro quo. plus stephen welcomes senator bernie sanders and musical guest brittany howard, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colus laying >> stephen: whoo! hello! ( cheers and applause ) beautiful. beautiful. my friends, thank you for being here. ( piano riff )
welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it has been a hell of a week. ( cheers and applause ) really fast, things are happening. to paraphrase our president, the news has been moving on us like a bitch. ( laughter ) a lot of people are celebrating because donald trump is in serious trouble, but trump has shown over and over again that when he's cornered, he'll fight like that rabid weasel on his head. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) and the republicans have shown they'll go along with him no matter what. so this isn't going to be so much light at the end of the tunnel as a long fall down a dark and dirty pit. ( laughter ) dark and dirty pit!
( laughter ) ( applause ) this morning, the house intelligence committee released the whistleblower's complaint about trump and ukraine. and whoever blew this whistle does not mince words, stating very plainly that "i have received information from multiple u.s. government officials that the president of the united states is using the power of his office to solicit interference from a foreign country in the 2020 u.s. election." ( audience reacts ) soliciting interference from a foreign power to influence a u.s. election. you know what they say, "if at first you do succeed, try, try that again." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) it's a saying. it's a saying. you can't say trump didn't warn us, remember this exchange from june. >> your campaign this time around, if foreigners, if russia, if china, if someone else offers you information on opponents, should they accept it or should they call the fbi?
>> i think maybe you do both. i think you might want to listen. i don't-- there's nothing wrong with listening. >> stephen: (as trump) "there's nothing wrong with listening. unless you're listening to that phone call i had with the ukrainian president, because what phone call?" ( laughter ) "there was no -- phone call." ( laughter ) the whistleblower's main concern was trump's phone call with zelensky, but they were also concerned about what happened after that call. "in the days following the phone call, i learned from multiple u.s. officials that senior white house officials had intervened to 'lock down' all records of the phone call. this set of actions underscored to me that white house officials understood the gravity of what had transpired in the call." it was a perfect call. no pressure. no quid pro quo. now, take it and bury it at the bottom of the ocean.
put it in a lead capsule and sink it down into the marianas trench, cover it in concrete, then dig it up and shoot it into the heart of the sun. perfect." "perfect call." ( cheers and applause ) perfect, perfect perfect -- in other words, white house officials tried to move records of president trump's efforts to press ukraine for dirt on joe biden to a different computer server. ah ha? ( laughter ) a different computer server? is everything trump accuses someone else of is something he's done? ( laughter ) he used a secret computer server, he colluded with ukraine, he probably cheated on robert pattinson. robert, you can do so much better! innocent people don't do things like this. that's why people hide their porn on their computer in files labeled "vacation pics" instead of "porn for later."
( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) it's never really for later, it's for now. ( laughter ) according to the whistleblower, they hid a lot of stuff this way, but some on the right claim the whistleblower shouldn't be trusted because the inspector general who oversaw the report found reason to believe that the whistleblower might not support the re-election of mr. trump. well, yeah! ( applause ) ( applause ) ( laughter ) because he knows he committed a bunch of crimes! it's the same reason you don't invite the guy who tried to kill you to your dinner party. "look, frank, we'd love to have you and brenda over, but remember when you stabbed me in the trachea? i'm still having trust issues." the whistleblower's complaint describes several instances of clear quid pro quo. for instance, the whistleblower
says, "multiple u.s. officials told me that the ukrainian leadership was led to believe that a meeting or phone call between the president and president zelensky would depend on whether zelensky showed willingness to 'play ball.'" (as trump) "okay, ukraine. you gotta play ball, and let me get to second base. over the bra, under the constitution." ( laughter ) ( applause ) trump reacted to his bad news the same way as he always does, tweeting. democrats trying to destroy the
republican party and all it stands for -- but you beat him to it. ( applause ) nicely done. "stick together and plays their game, fight hard, republicans, our country is at stake. does that mean fight hard republicans or fight, hard republicans. because there's a big difference. i'm sure one doesn't include wilbur ross. they're playing a game called pin the crime on your generous kiester. even for donald trump, this morning's tweets were off the rails, like this one -- "is there ak score impeachment? absolutely not. there is no high crimes or misdemeanors, no treason, no
extortion, no treason, r.d. robert ray respected ." i don't know what that means. fox news actually identifies robert ray as a "former whitewater independent counsel," not a "respected." "respected" isn't a title, it's just a description. that's like calling me "stephen t. colbert, aging." ( laughter ) now he who whistle blew says he learned of trump's abuse of power from multiple concerned administration officials. trump jumped on that this morning at the u.n. -- >> who's the person who gave the whistle blower information? because that's close to a spy. you know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart? right? with spies and treason? we used to handle it a little differently than we do now. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: so he's saying it
would be better if why ever white house insider revealed his crimes were dead. that's gonna make the next all-staff meeting interesting. (as trump) "hey everyone, my good friend vlad sent us some free sushi. whoever wants some, just whistle." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) there's a word in there, a couple of words in there. trump's already turned on one employee -- >> that was the second conversation-- i think you should ask for the first conversation, also. i can't believe they haven't. although, i heard there is a rumor out there. "they want the first conversation." it was beautiful. it was just a perfect conversation. but i think you should do that. i think you should ask for vice president pence's conversations, because he had a couple of conversations also.
>> stephen: wow. ( audience reacts ) he just threw pence under the bus. "mother, he's betrayed me! quick! to the root cellar. thank god we stocked up on emergency mayonnaise!" ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( piano riff ) things are looking bad for trump, but luckily his closest political allies are shambling to his defense. starting with south carolina senator and man who can't believe what the devil gave him for his worthless soul, lindsey graham. ( cheers and applause ) it's worth nothing! i can't believe it! graham was asked what he thought would constitute inappropriate quid pro quo, and he put on a one-man show to describe trump's conduct in this theoretical scenario, saying, "'uh, hey pal, you know, you need to like, go after the bidens or i ain't
gonna give you any money,?' he'd be really, like, thuggish about it." lindsey graham knows that "guys and dolls" isn't real-life, right? "put the squeeze on diamond joe, zelensky. or you'll be sleeping with the fishes faster than you can say '23 skidoo.' (singing) "your country needs some dough, let's do a quid pro quo. you gotta go. and get me dirt on joe. ukraine, ukraine, i hope this don't cause me pain." ran out of lyrics, but i still wanted to sing that. that's all right. >> jon: that was good! >> stephen: lindsey! house minority leader kevin mccarthy attacked the entire premise of this impeachment inquiry. >> the phone call is now put forth. there is nothing in that phone call that rises to the level of impeachment. >> did the president do anything wrong? >> yes.
( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: whoa! whoa! >> stephen: oh my! i'm sorry! that was so quiet. sorry, kevin, could you speak up? i couldn't hear you over the death rattle of democracy. of course, maybe we're being unfair. maybe. jim, play the rest of his answer. >> yes. you know, the question- the question the democrats ar not asking, did he do something wrong?" they have raised this to impeachment. that's the question that's taking place. >> ste sayingthor hearinthey sulmpeachment did ump ething wrong? fair enough. kevin mccarthy, did he do something wrong? >> yes. >> stephen: okay. impeach away. impeach away! ( cheers and applause )
kind of sad. today, the house intelligence committee heard testimony from acting director of national intelligence, joseph maguire. at one point, maguire touted his professional qualifications, or rather, the lack thereof. >> i am not political, i am not partisan, and i did not look to be sitting here as the acting director of national intelligence. i thought that there were perhaps more people who would be best and more qualified to do that, but the president asked me to do this. >> stephen: (as maguire) "and i was the only sucker dumb enough to take it. do i at least get to keep this tiny bottle of water?" even though the whistleblower's complaint is disturbing, maguire took it in stride. >> when you read the complaint, were you shocked at all by what you read? >> congressman...congresswoman -- excuse me -- as i said, i had a lot of-- have a lot of life experience.
>> stephen: (as maguire) "oh, i've seen things you people wouldn't believe. attack ships on fire off the shoulder of orion. i've seen eric trump eat spaghetti with his bare hands." "time to die." ( laughter ) then, the questioning turned to maguire's conversations with the president. >> did you ever speak to the president about this complaint? >> my conversations with the president are privileged and it would be inappropriate for me because it would destroy my relationship with the president. >> stephen: oh, i think that ship has sailed.( laughter ) when he sees your testimony, i think you're going on the "old-days-when-we-were-smart" list. ( laughter )yone took the whistleblower's complaint seriously. like california republican devin nunes, seen here unsuccessfully blowing smoke up the president's butt.
( laughter ) nunes accused the majority of acting in bad faith. >> democrats on this very committee negotiated with people who they thought were ukrainians in order to obtain nude pictures of trump. >> stephen: this is where i call b.s. ( laughter ) no one, no matter how badly they want trump impeached, wants to see him naked. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) we've a great show for you tonight. when we return, bernie sanders! stick around. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) with advil liqui-gels, you have fast-acting power over pain, so the whole world looks different. the unbeatable strength
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: jon batiste and "stay human"! ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, so happy here tonight because my first guest has spent 28 years in congress and has become the progressive patriarch of the democratic party. now he's running for president. please welcome back to "the late show" senator bernie sanders. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
>> stephen: senator bernie sanders, everybody! look at that! big as life! senator -- ( audience chanting bernie ) >> stephen: that's nice. you still got it, kid! that does not happen with every guest, i am here to tell you. i'm so glad you're here tonights your ninth appearance on the show -- tenth appearance, ninth interview. you get a free sub after this, actually. >> and i knew you before you were stephen colbert. >> stephen: what was i? one of your former shows. >> stephen: back then i was just stephen colbert. now i'm stephen colbert. totally different guy. ( laughter ) i'm glad you're here.y, wento tt your campaign. but i just want to hit you here as a senator. are you at all intolted that
trump didn't try to get dirt on you from ukraine? ( cheers and applause ) what am i, chopped liver? what are you thinking when you hear this? >> well, what i'm thinking is he's probably the most corrupt president in the modern history of this country. ( cheers and applause ) and that the impeachment inquiry has got to move as quickly as possible. he is really an embarrassment to our country. ( applause ) and let's get moving on the impeachment inquiry. >> stephen: one of the things people are saying is that the white house is caught a little flat-footed by how fast this story is moving and maybe they could get out some sort of redacted transcript or slow walk this for a while until things came off the boil, but nancy pelosi immediately went to
impeachment inquiry. do you think that's the right thing to do, to move that fast? >> i do. i have been calling for an impeachment inquiry for months. ( cheers and applause ) and i think this ukrainian business using national security money designed to protect the people of america -- >> stephen: it's our money. -- and use that as leverage to try to get dirt on a political opponent and then trying to cover that it up, this is an outrage on top of an outrage, and i think this is kind of taking millions of people to say, you know what? enough is enough with this guy. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: one of the things, i want to know what you think about this, is that some of the republicans, some of the president's allies are saying oh, this thing is so so complicated. it's simple. you hear what the president has to say, you understand the motivation completely and there isn't that much to explain. he
wanted this dirt, he had some leverage and he used it. >> i agree, it's not complicated, and it's consistent with his behavior. >> stephen: right, it's on brand. >> it is. ( laughter ) i honestly believe -- i'm not a psychiatrist here -- but i honestly believe -- >> stephen: you look like a psychiatrist, i want you to know. lie down and we'll talk about your problems. ( laughter ) i'm not sure he knows the difference between lying and truth telling. i doubt very much that he understands what the constitution of the united states of america is about, i don't think he understands that we have an emolument clause which says you cannot enrich yourself when you're president, i don't know that he understands that. he grew up as a very rich kid, i think he's a spoiled brat, and i think he thinks he can do anything that he wants to do. ( cheers and applause ) and it is -- you know, other people work hard, they tell the truth, they pay their taxes, that's not donald trump, and i
think we've got to explain to him what the constitution of the united states is about. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, since last we were together, you have announced your candidacy for president of the united states. you're running. we've had the debates. in 2016, four years ago, you were the progressive. now a lot of people have picked up your banner and are running with a lot of your original ideas. do you ever want to turn to somebody and say, hey, i put my name on that yogurt, you can't take that! that's my medicare for all with fruit on the bottom! ( laughter ) >> no, what i'm proud of, the ideas i talked about four years ago throughout this country, raising the minimum wage to 15 bucks an hour -- ( applause ) --s and universities tuition free -- ( applause ) -- canceling student debt in this country which is something ease i think we have to do, making sure that we understand that climate change is in fact a
major national security issue, and i'm very proud to introduce the most comprehensive climate change program that any candidate for president has ever introduced, and then you've got the issue of healthcare. four years ago, i was here saying healthcare is a human right, it is not a privilege, we have got to take on the greed of the pharmaceutical industry and of the insurance companies and guarantee healthcare to every man, woman and child in this country as a human right. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, senator warren was on here last week, and i asked her about her plans for medicare for all. i'm going to ask you the question that i asked her -- at the risk of being accused of trumping republican talking points, is there an increase in taxes on the middle class to pay for medicare for all? or, rather where would the tax
burned go to pay for that? >> okay. under my legislation, 15 co-sponsors, i believe, in the senate now -- nobody in america will pay any more premiums. i just talked to a womant paid a month, $20,000 a year, gone. no more co-payments, gone. no more out of pocket expenses, gone. nobody will go bankrupt. right now 500,000 people in america go bankrupt because of medical bills, all of that is gone. nobody in america under my bill will pay more than $200 a year in total for their prescription drugs, and we'll stop the ripping off of the american people by the pharmaceutical industry. now having said that, the healthcare free? no, it is not. so what we do is exempt the first $29,000 of a person's income, you make less than $29,000, you pay nothing in taxes. above that, in a progressive way, with the wealthiest people in this country paying theifay t
now you're paying $20,000 a year in a tax called a premium for the insurance companies, that's gone and then i say, stephen, you're paying $10,000 a year now to the federal government, your $10,000 to the good, you would ask me, where do i sign up for that? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: in canada and in the u.k., two of the places you often point to where healthcare has worked in sort of a medicare for all style, different systems, there are supplemental treatments you can get if you pay out of pocket to a doctor who basically is not in the medicare for all plan. if i wanted a different treatment or somebody not in medicare for all, would i be able to pay somebody else? >> if you canted cosmetic surgery, all basic -- >> stephen: what do you think i need to have done? >> well, it's the nose, stephen. i wanted to be polite, but it is
the nose. >> stephen: thank you very much. it's not attached to the classes. ( laughter ) >> but here is the point, we are covering all basic healthcare needs. medicare is a very strong program, and all i want to do over a four-year period is expand it to everybody, and include dental care, hearing aids and eyeglasses and home healthcare as well. so we cover mental illness, we cover all basic healthcare needs. somebody wants cosmetic surgery, fine, go to some private insurance, but we cover all basic healthcare needs and the overwhelming majority of the american people will be paying less for healthcare than they are today. >> stephen: so it would still be some sort of private market? >> for non-basic healthcare services. >> we'll have to take a little bit of a break but back with more senator bernie sanders, everybody.
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>> stephen: we're here. he's a crowd pleaser. we're back here with senator bernie sanders. senator, let me ask you this, last week the working families party endorsed elizabeth warren but they endorsed you in 2016, so for people who look at that endorsement and they think, well, they must be the same people, what differentiates you and elizabeth warren? how as a casual observer would i tell your ideas apart from hearse. >> senator warren will run her campaign and i'll run mine, but this is what i would say -- if you are concerned about the enormous threat of climateand ie should listen to the scientists and develop a program that ends our dependence on fossil fuel as quickly as possible and moves to sustainable energy, we have
introduced the most comprehensive climate change legislation anybody has ever introduced. second of all, i happen to believe, as you've heard me say many times, that the level of income and wealth inequality in this country is go desk. we have 500,000 people sleeping out on the streets tonight, while a guy like jeff bezos at amazon is worth like $170 billion, and what i have proposed is a very strong tax on wealth that will have mr. bezos ant all the multi-billionaires start paying their fair share of taxes so we can deal with the affordable housing crisis in america, that we deal with and create universal affordable childcare for working families and a health fund, medicare for all proposal. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: where does this
wealth tax start? >> getting nervous, are you? >> stephen: i'm asking for a friend who has a tv show. just curious. ( laughter ) >> if you have more than $32 million in wealth -- >> stephen: personal wealth, something like that? >> yes. >> stephen: how do you go get it? because those people already have that money, how do you go get that cash. >> well, that's a good question. >> stephen: thank you. ( laughter ) >> you're welcome. and we put into our proposal the mechanism to do that. but i want to be clear, this would apply to the top one-tenth of one percent. 99.9% of the american people will not pay a nickel more in taxes. >> stephen: that top tenth are good at hiding their money. >> i know, goes to the cayman islands. >> stephen: beautiful down there. ( laughter ) >> here is what we've got to deal with as a nation, do we feel comfortable? is america about three people
owning more wealth than the bottom half of american society? are we comfortable when so many of our kids can't afford to go to college, when our infrastructure is crumbling, that the top 1% owns more wealth than the bottom 92%? and this is not just a question of morality, this is a question of economics. we cannot continue to have half of our people living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to put food on the table, when you've got a handful of multi-billionaires who have more money than they will spend in a thousand life times. this is something i believe we have to deal with and i intend as president to deal with it. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we've got to go here in just a minute. i'm going to ask you one last question. jimmy carter said he voted for you in 2016. he also said that he thinks 80 might be too old to be president. do you think 95 is too old for you to slap him around?
( laughter ) ( piano riff ) >> you know, i know jimmy carter, and jimmy carter is -- you know, when you compare somebody like jimmy carter, who is a man of great dignity and honesty, to the guy who's in the white house right now, you've got to wore i about what's happening in this country today. ( applause ) so what i would say is, you know, i think you look at the totality of a candidate -- thank god, this is what i hope, whatever it is -- >> stephen: somewhere in there. >> -- i'm in good health and running a vigorous campaign, and i would ask people to check out my record, check out my support for working people for my entire life, check out my willingness to take on every powerful special interest in this country, and i would ask for their support. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, senator, thank you so much for being here!
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( cheers and applause ) every night, without fail, this is our promise -- ladies and gentlemen, every night i come out here to the stage of the ed sullivan theater, i spend a lot of time over there, processing the day's stories in my news lab, trying to develop them into an inexpensive monologue-based substitute for synthetic rubber. but sometimes, i mistakenly mix the boric acid with silicone oil, and accidentally discover a resultant putty of silliness that is stretchy and pliable, yet bouncy when rolled into a ball. best of all, if you press it against a newspaper, it picks up smaller stories which i store in the little red plastic egg of news that is my segment -- >> meanwhile. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: meanwhile, meanwhile, it's the only thing stable left in this country. meanwhile -- ( laughter ) -- mattel has launched a gender-neutral barbie doll. which is great news for representation, but not really
necessary. have you ever seen a barbie doll without clothes? they're already as gender-neutral as it gets. ( laughter ) ken is cut, though. ( laughter ) meanwhile, in early christmas news, "meet the world's first kale-flavored candy canes," but the makers warn, they "might not have the nutritional value of actual kale." so if you want none of the taste of candy and none of the nutrients of kale, this is the confectionery nightmare you've been waiting for. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) meanwhile, renowned french chef marc veyrat is suing the michelin guide after they demoted his restaurant from ree to two, says, "micheli uffle as having cheddar in it," adding -- (as insulted frenchman) "they dared to say that we put cheddar in our souffle of
reblochon, beaufort, and tomme. they have insulted our region, my employees were furious." listen, monsieur, i would give anything for this to be my biggest concern right now. which brings us to our new segment: french people problems. (as frenchman) ( cheers and applause ) (as frenchman) ze life of a frenchman eez a life of pain. today, my brie eez too cold to spread on a crackeur. and zat eez just ze tip of my iceberg of ennui. my local mime wears a shirt with stripes that are... vertical. join me next time, when i tell you how my poor wife cannot find enough lovers.
zis has been: "french people problems." ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: back with a performance by brittany howard! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) it's true baba voss, these twins are the beginning of a new world. they might be the change. ♪ emreplenished,d, fortified. emerge everyday with emergen-c. packed with b vitamins, electrolytes, antioxidants, plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good there's a company that's talked than me: jd power.people 448,134 to be exact. they answered 410 questions in 8 categories
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plus get $250 back when you buy a new samsung note. call, click, or visit a story. >> stephen: you know my next guest from the band alabama shakes. performing "stay high" from her new solo album "jaime," ladies and gentlemen, brittany howard! ( cheers and applause ) >> ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i already feel like doing it again, honey
♪ 'cause once you know, then you know ♪ and you don't wanna go back to wherever it is ♪ that you come from, yeah i just want to stay high ♪ with you 'cause where i come from ♪ everybody frowns and walks around ♪ with that ugly thing on their face ♪ and where i come from we work hard and grind ♪ and hustle all day yes, we do ♪ there comes a time, there comes a time ♪ at night, where we get to play
and we smile and laugh ♪ and jump and clap and yell and holler ♪ and just feel great i just want to stay high ♪ with you with you, with you ♪ so, don't question my state of mind ♪ i'm feeling wonderful, just fine, thank you ♪ thank you everything is everything and ♪ everything is beautiful how did you get like that? ♪ see all i do is keep it cool
they took $12.8 billion from big tobacco. juul marketed mango, mint, and menthol flavors, addicting kids to nicotine. five million kids now using e-cigarettes. the fda said juul ignored the law with misleading health claims. now juul is pushing prop c, to overturn san francisco's e-cigarette protections. say no to juul, no to big tobacco, no to prop c.
tune in tomorrow when i'll be joined by patricia heaton and musical guests tegan and sara. now stick around for james corden. good night! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media ac ss group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show