tv Today NBC February 2, 2016 10:00am-11:00am PST
oh, uh-- uh, hi. hello. i'd be fascinated to know how you do that, major. oh, it's a-- it's a new theory i'm working on. um...reactive aerodynamics. i knew it. you did? we must apologize for intruding on your sunday like this, but we were just passing by-- we were nowhere near the place. oh, no, it's all my fault, major. i made alfred drop by. i've been dying to see your house. oh, you have? yes. a bachelor living all alone. i can't wait to see what you've done with it. oh. it's just an ordinary, everyday, run-of-the-mill house. you could call this house a lot of things, major. but i don't think you could call it that. do you mind if i take a peek? oh, uh-- uh-- uh, mrs. bellows-- i'm sorry, but when amanda makes up her mind... uh, yes, sir.
utterly charming. oh, well, i'm glad you like it. it looks so... lived in. yes. you know, the way alfred described it, i, uh, expected to see more of a haunted house. [tony laughing] and you live here all alone. yes. well, i'm just going to have to find a nice young girl for you. ooh. wh-what happened? oh, it's-- it's, uh-- it's the wind. when the the kitchen door is opened, it whips around the corner here. oh, what a heaven kitchen. yes. we're just going to have to get you married. ahh! oh! but major, there's no wind. uh, cat, sir. you don't have a cat. the neighbor's cat. you're going to make someone a marvelous husband. oh! huh? oh, alfred. look! it's exactly what i've been looking for, for the living room. you know, that place over in the-- oh. wherever did you find it? i, uh, picked it up
it's just a little piece of bad luck. i must have it. well, i-- i really couldn't let it go, mrs. bellows, i'm sorry. [bangs table] but we can have it copied. yes, salvatori & sons can make an exact duplicate of this. that's an excellent idea. now, don't you worry. don't you worry about your bottle, major. i'll bring it in first thing in the morning. it will take no time at all to make a copy of it. i don't think it's a good idea. why don't you let me give you a lamp? or the couch? it's a brand new couch. no, no, no. i have what i want. when amanda makes up her mind, there's no telling exactly what-- [glass smashing] oh. talk to your neighbor about their cat. or you're not gonna have any bric-a-brac left. goodbye, major. thank you so very much. uh-- don't you worry about this bottle. i'll bring it back-- if i could talk to you-- goodbye, major. enjoy your day. ye-- ow! you let that woman take my bottle! w-well, what could i do? you saw how she-- there was nothing i could do. when she's through having a copy made,
i'm gonna spend my life paying for the stuff you broke. what am i going to do without my bottle? she's gonna have a copy made. it's gonna be ready in a couple of days. and where will i sleep in the meantime? [chuckles] well, i don't know. uh. uh... look, look, look. look, nice drawer. you'd be comfortable in there. i do not want to sleep in a drawer. well, uh... here, look, look-- i think i will take in your bedroom. but, mine? well, where would i stay? in the drawer, master. oh, jeannie, now-- jeannie? jeannie! [chuckling] there. you will be nice and comfortable. wait a minute, jeannie. you don't expect me to sleep in here! yes, master. and in the morning, i am sure you will have thought of a way to get my bottle back. now, wait one minute, young lady. if you think you're gonna get away-- hey, now, wait! jeannie! ahh!
good morning, master. did you sleep well? it's the most comfortable drawer i ever slept in. let me out of here, please. did you figure out a way to get my bottle back? [sighs] yes, i did. ooh! what are you going to do? [grunts] i'm gonna call salvatori & sons, and tell them to have the duplicate bottle finished by tonight. and then on my way home from work, i'll pick it up. oh! what time are you going to pick it up? about 7:00. oh. oh, i cannot wait. oh, master, i will go down there and get into the bottle, and wait for you, and you can pick both of us up at the same time. uh, n-no. i don't think that's a terribly good idea, jeannie. please. no, i'm afraid not. please. no, really. please, please, please, please? all right, it's against my better judgment.
okay. i'm gonna go get dressed. [laughs] uh, would you--? would you...fix--? [chuckles] [ ] look at that. no one can tell one from the other. hm. oh, here, here. just a little bit here. aha. [ ] [delighted squeal] [sighs] salvatori: now... we wrap them and, uh, i'm gonna deliver them to mrs. bellows, huh? son: yes, papa. oh. [door bell jingles]
it should take a couple of minutes. how do you get yourself into these things? can i help you? oh, yes. i'm anthony nelson. i believe you have a bottle here for me. ah, yes, yes. i just finished the duplicate for mrs. bellows. that's it. you want to see it, huh? uh, no. i'm in kind of a hurry. a friend of ours is waiting for us to pick her up. oh. i see. all right. then i'll bring here your bottle, huh? gino! gino: yes, papa. you bring here the original bottle for mr. nelson. yes, papa. thank you. salvatori: uh, you know, it takes a little time, but it comes out so perfect. i'm proud of myself. tony: oh, good. salvatori: here you are. tony: thank you very much. salvatori: i'm just going to deliver mrs. bellows' bottle. tony: oh, good. tell her i hope she enjoys it. good night, and thanks again. salvatori: good night. no. no! no, you've got the wrong bottle! oh, master! master, no! help! help! [sobbing]
yeah. there we are. come on out, jeannie. well, i guess she likes it so much, she doesn't want to leave it. come on, jeannie. come on out. jeannie? say, you don't think that we could've gotten the wrong bottle, do you? of course. of course it's the wrong bottle. there's not even any furniture in there. you know-- you know what this means? dr. bellows has the bottle, and jeannie's inside of it. i have an uncle in the insurance business. maybe he could get jobs for both of us. i'll get it back. amanda, we're gonna be late. it's very neurotic of you. i'm coming, i'm coming. you know, you're very compulsive about being prompt. that isn't healthy. amanda. [phone rings] oh. who now? dr. bellows. tony: oh, uh, hello, dr. bellows? this is major nelson. how are you this evening, sir? oh, i'm just fine, thank you, major. what can i do for you?
i got the wrong one. i think you have the original. oh? as a matter of fact, it was just delivered. we haven't even unwrapped it yet. good, good. i'll be right over and pick it up, sir. oh, i'm sorry, major. but we're just on our way out to a dinner party. well, i-i can be there in 10 minutes. well, there won't be anyone here, major. uh, but, sir, i've got to have that bottle tonight. well, look, uh... does it matter whether it's tonight or tomorrow? it's just a bottle, isn't it? oh. well, y-yes. yeah, it-- then i'll see that you get it tomorrow. now, is there anything else? no, i can't think of anything, sir. then good night, major. good night. hm. oh, uh...i forgot to tell you, darling, the, uh-- mr. salvatori just delivered the bottle. oh, i can't wait to see what it's like. uh-uh-uh. you can wait until tomorrow. we're late. come on-- oh, darling. the major was very awfully anxious about his bottle. i know. i bet it's like a blanket to him. you know? it gives him a sense of security?
hm? we're late. you're so upset about it. he said he'd give you the bottle in the morning. when they get back from the party, what's the first thing mrs. bellows is gonna do? take off her girdle. roger, she's going to open the bottle. and guess who's gonna come out? well, i have another uncle in the real estate business. we've got to get that bottle right away. you said it was in dr. bellows' house. yeah, that's right. well, what are we gonna do? how are we gonna get it? we're gonna break in. oh. no, we're not. no, no. give me that. wait. i'm not going to break in. you're going to break in. i'm not going to break in. get the flashlight.
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oh, don't. watch out. shh. be careful. watch it, watch it. shh! tony, what are you doing? oh. if dr. bellows catches us on his lawn, he's-- what? tony [whispering]: roger! roger! [whispers] what? dr. bellows is out for the evening. you stand by the front door, and i'll let you in. [whistles] okay, come on in.
it worked. all right. come on. wait. i just figured out we could get 10 years for this. you take that side of the house, i'll take this side. and a court-martial. huh? oh, go on. and that's not all. yeah. i hate leaving a party early. i'm sorry, darling. i can't help it if i've got a splitting headache.
it was psychosomatic. why couldn't i have married a butcher? oh, come now. alfred. alfred, there's someone in the house. we're being burglarized. go call the police. while i go call the police, they could escape. well, wh-what are you gonna do? i'm going in there. darling, you can't. you could get yourself killed. i can take care of myself, my dear. alfred, i didn't mean what i said about the butcher. no guilty feelings, please. alfred! [whispers] wh-where are you going?
[laughs nervously] yahh! [both gasp nervously] well, it's not in the study. hey, look, why don't we turn on some lights so we-- so we can see what we're doing, huh? we don't want anybody to know we're in here, remember? oh, yeah. yeah, i remember. come on. yeah. i once saw a movie where an innocent guy helped his friend break into a house to steal some letters. what happened? they were both machine-gunned to death. let's go. let's take one more look over here. now, wait a minute. come on. wait. there it is! great. well, let's get her and get out of here. jeannie? oh! i am in here, master! good. [clatters] what'd you do? i just knocked over the chinese checkers. well, pick 'em up! are you kidding? who wants to be neat at a time like this? you want dr. bellows to know somebody's been in his house? that's what i said. let's pick 'em up. i'm gonna take them by surprise. hide somewhere until it's over. all right. good luck. and remember, alfred,
hide. hide. tony: hurry! roger: ooh! oh! i just lost some of my marbles! put your hands up and stay right where you are! major healey. what are you doing here? oh. oh, ask-- ask major nelson. he knows what we're doing here. [gasps] major nelson! what are you doing--? would you mind explaining to me what--? he's asleep. asleep? oh, sir, he can't be asleep. that's impossible. we just-- [grunts] oh. oh, asleep! yes, sir. he's asleep.
yeah, well, you see, uh, tony sleepwalked here. that's-- and you came along to see that nothing would happen to him. oh, well, that's least i can do for my best friend. not so loud. you'll wake him up. mustn't startle him. yeah. give me a hand with him, will you? we may as well put him on the couch. yeah, easy. oh! oh, he's very heavy. yes, sir. ooh! no, no, no. oh, he's a heavy sleepwalker. amanda: alfred? alfred, are you all right? oh. major healey, major nelson. what--? what are they doing here? major nelson is sleepwalking. he's been sleepwalking. sleepwalking. in our house? why? well, uh, i'm glad you asked that. you see, uh-- we, uh-- when he was a little boy, he used to walk-- well, it's really quite obvious. you see, major nelson came here because he wanted his bottle. yeah, well, i knew you'd find out sooner or later. you see, our problem is-- and it was preying on his mind. preying on his subconscious.
you know, i bet i can tell you exactly what happened. i wish you would. well... after major nelson phoned me, he went to sleep. but he couldn't sleep because the bottle was on his mind. the compulsion to get it back was so strong that he got up, and then either phoned you or went to your house? either way. and then you came here with him. hm. marvelous. oh, darling, however did you figure all that out? my dear, i'm a psychiatrist. amanda. but, uh... what i must learn is why this bottle means so much to major nelson. uh...well, sir, as i was saying, see, we had two bottles-- no, no, no. the truth, major healey. yes, sir. well, you see, we had the two bottles, and we tried to get-- [grunts] yes? major nelson here. darling, he's waking up. now, there's nothing to be alarmed about, major nelson.
you're in my house. in your house, dr. bellows? i knew he'd be surprised. have i been in some accident or something? what--? almost. bellows: you've been walking in your sleep. [laughing] tony: i've never done that before, sir. believe me, there's nothing to worry about. now, as you were saying, major healey? we had these two bottles-- i feel awfully faint. do you have any water? of course. maybe something for a headache. of course. you stay right there. thank you. thank you. you just won the academy award. here we are. here we are, major nelson. oh, thank you, sir. it's more than kind of you. a little water? easy. easy. i'll take that, amanda. you're too kind, mrs. bellows. oh, why, it's a very lucky thing we arrived when we did. yeah, we're lucky. how's your headache? oh, fine, it's-- i think it's getting better. i-i ought to be leaving now. i'm sorry to have intruded like this. you brought the copy to exchange. yes, sir. let's exchange it. we don't have to tonight.
otherwise, you'll be walking in your sleep again. and the next time you might get shot. now, there you are, major. your problems are all over. you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage. right into your wife's car. with your wife watching. she forgives you... eventually. your insurance company, not so much. they say you only have their basic policy. don't basic policies cover basic accidents? of course, they say... as long as you pay extra for it. with a liberty mutual base policy, new car replacement comes standard. and for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. learn more by calling at liberty mutual, every policy is personal, with coverage and deductibles, customized just for you. which is why we don't offer any
you've been through a lot. a lot, sir. we've all been through a lot. i'll take this. now...major-- i don't mind keeping this till the evening. no, it's all settled. alfred? you know, i am sorry i started this whole thing. [chuckles] major, i should've taken the couch. the couch? oh, yes. the flowers are theirs. oh, i'm sorry. now, major, everything is all set. all you have to do is relax. tony: i'm terribly sorry. and then you get a good night's rest. tony: but wouldn't you like that--? a good night's rest, major. uh-uh. uh. good night. [laughing] alfred... oh. ...is he always like that? oh, no. this is one of his good days. ooh? roger, do me a favor, will you?
in the real estate business. ask if he's got any openings. what are you so worried about, anyway? what am i worried--? give me that. careful. ah. be careful. you have any idea what's going on at doctor bellows' house right now? no. what? mrs. bellows is opening that package. and right about now, she's... opening the bottle. and you know what's coming out of the bottle? smoke. and do you know what that smoke is turning into? jeannie. that's what it's gonna turn into. j-jeannie?! master! [both laughing] hey. how did you get here? i do not know. well, the old mastermind decided we needed a miracle, so when you were talking, i switched the bottles. oh, major healey. thank you! well... oh. [all laughing] oh! oh, oh, oh. my own bottle! oh. and my own genie. oh, you shouldn't have. ho-ho-ho. you know better than to give roger his own bottle,
open it. oh. boy-- oh! [laughing] oh. oh-ho-ho! whoo! oh! it's champagne. oh. thank you. mm. well, at least we got jeannie back. i guess we might as well drink to it. oh. is that really champagne? sure is. [ good evening, major healey. hi, jeannie. very good. where's tony? tony! i have not seen major nelson since early this morning. well, that's not like him to be late. we got a dinner date tonight, and i'm starved. well, i do not understand it. he has never been this late without calling me before. mm. you're a little slow. you know, something funny is going on. hm, something funny? no, not that-- that kind of funny. he's been in a secret conference all day with a lot of senators and generals. and he did not tell you what it was all about? mm-mm. and i haven't had a chance to get to him. oh, well, you-- you do not think anything is wrong, do you? no, what could go wrong? the only thing that puzzles me is that-- hello, everybody! oh, good evening, master. we were worried about you, master. well, i got, uh-- i got tied up.
do you mean you are no longer an astronaut, master? that's right, jeannie. i can't believe it. oh, they can't do that to you. oh, they didn't do it. i did it. you mean you resigned? that's right. i can't believe it. why would you want to do a thing like that? look, roge, um, i'll wash up and we'll go out to dinner. i'd rather not discuss it tonight. let's not discuss the thing. let's forget the thing. i'm your best friend. you don't wanna discuss it? okay, i'll tell you what. you can just discuss the whole thing without me. you don't need me. i don't need you. major healey seemed very upset. yeah, he is a little shocked, isn't he? well... you really do not have to go back to cape kennedy, master? no, jeannie. [delighted squeal] oh, that is wonderful, master! the first thing we will do is take a trip around the world. [giggles]
and would you rather travel east to west or west to east? east to west... or west to east. we're going to go to columbus, ohio. what is a columbus, ohio? it's a city, jeannie. i haven't retired, you know. i've got a new job. what kind of a job? well, i'm going to head up a-- a company that makes booster rockets for our missiles. and you would rather do that and live in this columbus, ohio than be an astronaut? it's not a question of what i'd rather do. it's that i couldn't turn it down. hm. well, why not? because three senators and four generals asked me to take it. it seems that the man who was in charge retired, and there was no one else to take his place. well, if it makes you happy, it makes me happy. oh, yeah. why shouldn't i be happy? i'm gonna be vice president in charge of production. vice president? columbus, ohio. oh, i am pleased that they named a city after my friend.
columbus was such a nice man. [giggles] did you know that he used to get seasick? the only other man washington considered besides myself was a professor lakewood, and he turned it down because his wife wouldn't leave connecticut. he should never have been a sailor. it's the biggest break of my life. i'll have a huge salary and two secretaries, and i should be the happiest guy in the world. jeannie: good! shall we go out to dinner now, master? oh, no, thank you, jeannie. i'm not hungry. i think i'll go to bed early. oh. would you mind, please? thank you. good night. [ ] hi. oh, hi, roge. uh...
yeah, it's a tie. oh, uh, congratulations. on what? oh, i just heard the news about your, uh-- about your new civilian job. oh, yeah. well, when you get a big opportunity like this, you just can't let it, uh-- slip it through your fingers. yeah, that's it. i hear you're gonna be vice president in charge of production. yeah, that's right. [sighs] ahem, roge, the reason i took the job is because-- oh. look, you don't have to explain it to me. i mean, you know, two secretaries, a big office. i mean, you'll be having a ball. yeah. yeah. well, i'll still be in the space program. that's the important thing. yeah, yeah, you, uh-. you'll be behind a desk and, uh... i'll be, uh-- be here. [ ] roge. what? i don't need this thing anymore. why don't you take it, huh? oh, yeah, well, uh... we'll probably, uh, be running in to each other all the time. i mean, there's no-- no use saying goodbye. [both laugh] sure. look, i'll probably see you then. okay.
roge. um...i, uh, probably will need the cord. [both laugh nervously] well... i just can't go through with it, general peterson. we've been all through this before. you don't wanna leave, and i don't want you to. but washington feels you can do a more important job for the space program by running a missile plant, and that's that! but couldn't you just tell them that-- no i can't. you heard 'em yesterday. they want you, and i'm under orders to deliver you. now, if i could find a way to keep you here, don't you think i would? yes, sir. well, i'm sorry, tony. we've both given our word, and that's final. yes, sir. oh, it's not going to be as bad as you think. you'll find out how the other half lives. a little luxury never hurt anybody. the last thing i-i need in the world is luxury. i just turned down a-- a cruise on my own yacht. what? oh, it's-- it's nothing, sir. i-isn't there a chance that you could call somebody and--? the subject is closed, tony.
i'm gonna miss you. i'll miss you, too, sir. and nasa. [ ] [playing "frere jacques"] fire! oh! i am so upset. you're upset? i am worried about major nelson. oh, you mean the tycoon? oh, don't worry about him. he's got it made. from now on, it's go, go, go with the martinis and the golf balls. oh, no, he is very unhappy. can you not do something? well, if we could just get him to change his mind, but-- how? how... wait a minute.
right. and he certainly won't be happy sitting behind a desk. ooh, that is right. well, then, why can't he see it? boy, if there's only some way we can get him to look into the future. oh, but he can. that is easy. that's easy. that-- you mean you can show him what it's like? of course. jeannie, that's wonderful. one look at his new job, he'll turn it down cold, just like that. boy, let's go and show him. very well. oh, wait a minute. wait a minute. wait. how bad is it? well, i do not know. would you like to see it? yeah, we'd better take a look at it first. no use shattering his ego too much. just, um, pick his worst day. his worst day. hey, look at that. oh! what is it? hey, how does it work? well, first you put a drachma in. oh, a drachma, yeah. you have drachmas. [laughs] now, turn the handle. ah, okay.
oh, uh, that is too slow. oh. a little faster. no, no, no. not-- not too fast. just, just... mm! okay, that is better. [ ] mr. nelson? tony: mm-hm? hey, that is better. [chuckles] whoa, ha-- wait a minute. would you like to sign this? in just a moment, jane. ellen. ellen. [hits ball] oh, terrific! well, thank you. thank you. uh, did miss brookes call? oh, yes. she'd love to have lunch with you. her chauffeur will pick you up. oh, you have a terrace table at the country club. mm-hm. oh, and, uh, your theater tickets
oh, good, good. thank you. my pleasure. oh, jane? ellen. ellen. thank you. mr. nelson. here's the report you asked for. tony: thank you, sue. oh, i see production's up 27 percent. [chuckles] yes, and it's all due to you. ah, it's a team effort. please, remember that i'm on your team. [clears throat] i'll try to remember. oh, general peterson is waiting to see you. general peterson? well, show him right in. general peterson. peterson: thank you. tony!
what brings you to columbus? i just flew in to see you. i wanted to tell you what a great job you're doin'. tony: thank you very much. peterson: we're all proud of you. yeah, it's a team effort. how's roger? he's fine. sends his regards. [pushes intercom button] uh, sue, i've signed those contracts. i want to get them out in the early mail. well, it's, uh, quite a setup you got here, tony. yes, it's a team effort, as i said. yeah, i can see that. i told you it wouldn't be so bad, once you got yourself, uh, adjusted. yes, i'm trying to get it. i-i-- i don't find it easy. [door opens] it's time for your massage, mr. nelson. [ ] well, i won't detain you. keep up the good work, tony. [laughs] feel free to drop in any time, martin.
shall we go to work, tony? [ ] what happened? it needs another drachma. yeah. yeah, well, give me another one. hm. i am out of drachmas. you're out of drachmas? at a time like this, you're out of drachmas. oh, listen, is-- is that what an average day is like? yes. and that's his worst day? yes. would you, uh, like me to show you a good day?
should we show major nelson what his new life will be like? oh, if we show him that, we'll never get him to stay. no, we're gonna have to think of something else. his first secretary should have worn a veil. yeah, she should've worn a veil-- wait a minute. wait a minute. you want tony nelson to be happy, don't you? you know i do. and you know he's not going to be happy unless he's an astronaut.
what do you want me do to? lie a little. [ ] good evening, master. oh, hi, jeannie. hi. pardon me. packing, huh? yeah, yeah. i think i found a buyer for the house. oh, that's great. great. mm. i've grown very fond of this place. yeah, yeah, me too. well, just think how exciting it will be living in columbus, ohio. yeah. i wonder what your new life will be like. i don't know. i-i can show you if you like. show me what? would you like to see you in your new job? no, not particularly. oh, you mean you wouldn't like to-- to see what it's like in a typical day in the future? say, a, uh, year from now? could you do that? of course. well, it might be kind of interesting. oh... oh, yes, you're gonna be very happy, huh? shall we show him his new job? mm-hm. yeah. there. oh, look, you gotta take a look at this. now, i will put a drachma in. a drach--? what is this thing? i thought you were all out of drachmas.
well, just turn the handle there. you'll-- watch very closely, master. yeah, just, uh... [ ] not-- not too fast. sally! okay. [rings bell] [ringing bell] sally: just a minute! [typewriter keys clattering] what do ya want? would you make me some fresh coffee, sally, please? these have gotta get out tonight. well, it-- can't it wait till in the morning? it's after midnight. look, as far as i'm concerned, i don't care if they get out at all. you think i like working these hours? i got a life of my own, you know. gee, i-i-- i know that, sally. uh, maybe tomorrow we can finish early.
who knew what he was doin'. [phone ringing] [typing] huh? your phone is ringing. thank you. hello. oh, uh, yes, sir. you gotta cancel the order? well, you can't do that now, sir. well-- i-i know we were supposed to have it out last night, but one of our machines broke down. well, i-i-- i'll have it out first thing in the morning. yes-- hello? h-hello? hello? hello? oh, please, help. here's some more cancellations. more cancellations? oh, and here's your dinner. i just got a call from the foreman. oh yeah? is the number-one machine--? is the number-- is the number-one machine fixed?
but number two and three are out. oh... i want a raise! yeah, that figures. oh, go on in. nelson! oh, sir-- oh! hi, general peterson, it's, uh-- uh, what brings you to town? i came down here to find out what's goin' on. uh, well, i know we're a little behind in the booster rocket deliveries, sir-- a little behind? i think you're deliberately sabotaging us! why, this is the worst defense plant in the country. i'm asking for a congressional investigation. a congressional invest-- well, sir, i-i-- we're having a little trouble with our equipment, but we're having it fixed. i-i-- w-we're working around the clock. don't bother. we just canceled all your defense contracts. oh, sir, you can't do that. i-- give me a chance. uh, we-- we'll get them out as soon as possible-- i gave you a chance, nelson! you let me down! yeah, b-but general, look, if you just-- the number-one machine has broken down again.
and if aggie gets a raise, i want a raise! you want a raise. you heard it, buster. you-- ow! [ ] you've done it again! here. fix it! wait a minute. i've gotta fix it! i gotta fix it? [indistinct yelling] is it really gonna be that bad? oh, uh, ahem. yes, master. oh, that's terrible. i knew you'd hate it. did you see that office and those secretaries? i never thought it was gonna be that bad. i knew it'd shake you up. now that you know about it... now that i know about it, i'm gonna get down there fast and straighten things out, before they cancel the contract. this could set the space program back ten years. [ ] he would not be in this trouble in the first place if it were not for that professor lakewood's silly wife. yeah, it was all his silly wife's fault. who? the wife of the other man they wanted for the job.
because of his wife? yes. she has a home in connecticut, and she does not want to leave it. that's it! that is what? that's the person we're gonna work on, his wife. oh, but if she loves her home, how can i make her leave it? yeah. oh, if you loved your home, what would make you leave it? oh, you mean--? yeah. [both shiver] that's the most incredible thing i ever heard. no, tony's on his way over here now. i'll talk to him and get back to you. poor woman. [knock on door] come in. oh, tony, come in and sit down. thanks, sir. hey, tony, uh... how do you really feel about this job you're taking over? oh, i consider it a great opportunity, sir. it's the kind of challenge any young man would be proud of. between us. i hate it. [laughs] how would you like to stay where you are? you mean i don't have to go, sir? well, it's up to you. you can have the job if you want to. but i think i ought to tell you,
he says he'll take the job if you don't want it. well, i-i understood his wife didn't want to leave her house. she was driven out by snakes. snakes? why, it's the most incredible thing you ever heard of. she was getting into bed, and the snakes came up the stairs and into her room. he says there were thousands of them. anyway, she refused to set foot in the house again. if you don't mind giving up a big job and a big salary-- and two secretaries. and two secretaries. --your place in the space program is still open. oh! i see you're unpacking. [chuckles] huh? oh, yeah, i guess you haven't heard the news. uh, news? i'm-- yeah, i'm-- i'm not going. you're not go--? why, what happened? oh, well, there was this, uh, professor lakewood. he had a wife who wouldn't leave-- hello, master. oh. i am ready to leave for columbus, ohio. we're not going to columbus. we're staying right here. we are? what happened? roger: this professor and his wife were driven out of their house by snakes. the snakes ran under the bedroom and she came out screaming. wait a minute. how do you know that?
jeannie. i have some house cleaning. jeannie, did you send those snakes to that poor woman? oh, please, do not be angry, master. i only did it to help you. don't be angry? you're asking-- wait a minute. don't blame her. it was my idea. i guess we shouldn't have butted in in the first place, huh? well, if you hadn't had, i'd never have forgiven you. do you mean that? of course i do. oh, master! [delighted squeal] oh, does he not look handsome? oh, welcome back. [laughing]
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liberty mutual insurance. nice talking to you. [sighs] [whistling] um, any luck, roge? well, uh, everyone's got a date tonight. you know how busy monday nights are. yeah. yeah. listen, do you mind if just the, uh, three of us go to dinner tonight? oh, of course not. no, no, fine. yeah. hey, wait a minute. do you know that cute little secretary, the one without the veil, with the--? oh, yes. well, i was wondering, if she's not doing anything tonight, maybe you could, uh-- is it all right, master? hm? oh, i don't know. i haven't seen her, but if-- if it's all right with roger, it's okay with me. oh, she's beautiful. you'll love her. oh, just-- would you mind, jeannie? just, you know? of course. i'm used to getting picked up at my place. i hope we don't go to some cheap restaurant.
i spent $29.50 on this dress, and i don't wanna waste it. after dinner, i wanna go dancing. if there's anything i hate, it's a cheap date who won't take you dancing. the last fellow i went out with insisted that we go to some crummy place. we ended up... [ ] green acres is the place to be farm livin' is the life for me land spreadin' out so far and wide keep manhattan, just give me that countryside new york is where i'd rather stay i get allergic smelling hay i just adore a penthouse view