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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 4, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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dicky: it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, billy bob thornton, kristin chenoweth and comedian ryan donahue. >> jimmy: very nice. hi, everyone. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thanks for everything, really. oh, it's very nice. i'm pleased you're joining us on what is a bittersweet night for me. minus the sweet. it's a bitter night for me,
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have seen though you probably didn't the vice presidential debate between tim kaine and mike pence, two mild-mannered and well-groomed men selected by hillary clinton and donald trump to make you hate them less. [ laughter ] and what a matchup it was. like watching a glass of whole milk do battle with a jar of low-calorie mayonnaise. [ laughter ] mike pence, he looks like the kind of guy who gets his hair cut twice a week. tim kaine, think about this, what if hillary clinton wins and something happens to her? we would be just a heartbeat away from having a president tim. would that even be allowed? anyway. it felt a little weird to have the vice presidential debate after the president -- it's like ending a meal with a garden salad. it's unsatisfying. and of course on top of that, the debate this debate was completely illegitimate because it didn't include all the vice presidential candidates. didn't include the libertarian
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candidate barack, and most glaringly it did not include the let's party party candidate, me. [ cheers and applause ] even though i'm still polling at 100%. you know, that's okay. truth is i didn't want to bother with a partial debate because i invited governor pence and senator kaine to meet me here in hollywood for a full official vice presidential debate. and let's begin it now! >> abc news presents, decision 2016. the vice presidential debate. governor mike pence. senator tim kaine. and neighborhood watch leader jimmy kimmel. please welcome the moderator of tonight's debate, guillermo. >> guillermo: thank you. welcome to the vice president debate. i'm going to ask the guys some questions and then they're going to answer for me. first, welcome to the republican
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indiana. mike pence! and welcome the democratic candidate, virginia senator tim kaine! and welcome the independence candidate from los angeles lakers, number 48, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. >> guillermo: i ask the audience, no applause until the end or they will be arrested. first question. for governor mike pence.
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governor mike pence, why does taxes? >> jimmy: excuse me -- >> guillermo: shh, don't interrupt. he had 30 seconds. >> jimmy: okay, but -- >> guillermo: shh! >> jimmy: he's not here, so -- nobody here -- >> guillermo: shh! >> jimmy: we still have -- >> guillermo: shh! >> jimmy: so w >> guillermo: shh! >> jimmy: can i -- >> guillermo: shh! [ bell rings ] >> jimmy: i can talk now? >> guillermo: no. my next question is for senator tim kaine. do you think education is for isis? >> jimmy: is the clock going? >> guillermo: it's not your question. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, i didn't know, i didn't understand --
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>> jimmy: but -- >> guillermo: shh. >> jimmy: i don't think he can hear -- >> guillermo: shh, shh, shh. >> jimmy: should i be quiet? >> guillermo: yes, please. >> jimmy: a long -- >> guillermo: shh! >> jimmy: i'll just wait till the time -- >> guillermo: shh! [ bell rings ] >> guillermo: your time is up. my next question is for jimmy kimmel. jimmy kimmel, is immigration for everywhere? >> jimmy: can you repeat the question, please? >> guillermo: yes. my next question is for jimmy kimmel. jimmy kimmel, is immigration for everywhere? >> jimmy: is immigration for everywhere? okay. yeah, i would say that i think, yes, immigration is for everywhere. >> guillermo: you are correct, you win the debate, yay!
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>> jimmy: oh, oh, thank you! oh my goodness. wow. thank you so much. i won? >> guillermo: you won! >> jimmy: i won, thank you! so exciting. i have to say, i didn't know they worked like this, i really didn't. since i'm wearing a -- this is a tia tiara? what this is? since i'm wearing this thing on my head, it seems like a good time to give you an update on "dancing with the stars." you know, it was elimination night for two unfortunate dancers tonight. tonight baby face and vanilla ice got the bedazzled would the on "dancing with the stars." i told you he made a mistake doing "ice ice baby" the first week, he should have held that back, that should have been a week four presentation.
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decided to form a musical duo called vanilla face. [ laughter ] so you guys will just be there for the rest of the thing? >> guillermo: that's right. >> jimmy: all right. i'd take this off but i'm worried it will pull my whole wig off. "forbes" magazine today unveiled -- have you seen the annual list of the 400 richest american bill gates. he has $81 billion. bill gates has been the richest man in america for 23 years. he has been the richest man in america since the premiere of the "x-files," since justin timberlake and britney spears were in the mickey mouse club. he has the richest man in america since h-town topped the charts with "knocking the boots." donald trump is going to be mad. he ranked all the way down the list at number 156.
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billion. the good news is sales of the new camouflage colored make america great again hats are booming. so the cofounders of google came in at ninth and tenth on the "forbes" 400. google had a big event in san francisco, unveiled a new phone, this phone comes with a variety of options you've never even imagined before. >> pixel is available in three colors. scriptively named, quite black. very and a limited edition really blue. >> jimmy: oh, wow, snap that one up quick. it's really blue. the names of those colors, really blue. but google also debuted a new virtual reality headset called the daydream view, which that is good -- it's about time people put their phones down for a second and get out and enjoy virtual reality for a change. [ laughter ]
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look like a lot of fun. >> this is the daydream. we couldn't be more excited about it. put it on your head and adjust. it's very comfortable. if you look behind me, you'll get just a taste of how truly immersive and amazing the 3d is. oh! >> jimmy: wow. you have to be careful, you really do. [ cheers and applause ] maybe we should have one virtual reality where hillary clinton is president, and one with donald trump where he's president, and then one the rest of us can live in. that would be nice, right? [ laughter ] donald trump was in denver today -- [ cheers and applause ] he's still talking. in denver, he weighed in on one possible topic of conversation for presidential debate number two on sunday night. >> there's been talk you might discuss bill clinton's infidelities and in particular hillary clinton's response to
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>> well, i've heard that, and everybody's hearing it but me. you know, i hope not, to be honest with you. i like to talk policy. i think policy's much more important. so i hope i don't discuss that. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] what do you mean you hope? it comes out of your mouth. it's not like she's going to bring it up. you know, i'll discuss it with myself and see what i have to say. hillary clinton was in toledo yesterday where she touted a recent endorsement from lebron james with zingers. >> i could not be prouder to have lebron joining our team as we head into the home stretch. now one thing i know, i'll just say it. because i know it's for sure. i hope to be elected president, but i know -- here in ohio, a lebron will always be the king. [ laughter ]
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like hillary clinton. the way she set that up and closed the deal, calling lebron the king, you can't spell hilarious without hillary and that's why. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] donald trump goes a mile a minute. sometimes you want to savor his words which is why from time to time we like to slow him down to half speed. we did just that for tonight's edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing very slowly ] >> how stupid are we. the world is laughing. anyway. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: during the first debate with hillary clinton, trump was sniffling a lot. some people insinuated he might be using cocaine, which seems very up likely, but also seems like a good excuse to, instead of slowing him down, to speed him up for our first-ever look
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[ tape playing very fast ] >> we can't beat isis they wouldn't know what you're talking about one thing we can do we can go on television to announce we soon we're going after mosul did you see that why do you have to talk you do it you do it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break. when we come back from the break we did something interesting, we went the street, asked people who do you think won the first lady debate, bill clinton melania trump? wouldn't you know it, a lot of people weighed in on that, in new installment of "lie witness news." we will be right back with that. [ cheers and applause ] ? [?diggy? by spencer ludwig]
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welcome back. billy bob thornton, kristin chenoweth, ryan donahue on the way. some potentially scandalous information could be hitting the internet. julian assange, the guy behind wikileaks, says they're planning to release what he calls significant information related to the election. the last time they released election material it was all the e-mails that were hacked from the dnc. now he says they're planning to put out new material every for the next ten weeks. i don't know why they would -- i don't know what they're waiting for. julian assange, he loves to tell us he's about to tell us something. [ laughter ] i bet he was a sneaky little tattletale growing up. this is julian assange, interesting look, he looks like your aunt who's always talking about tennis. [ laughter ] he looked like a yoga teacher who tries to sell you on the power of crystals. he looks like your mother's
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i have a couple more. [ laughter ] he looks like the woman outside whole foods trying to get you to sign a petition for amnesty international. [ applause ] i'll stop there. as you know, tonight was the vice presidential debate. it was on all the major networks and cable news channels. why, i don't know. to me, one channel seemed sufficient. these debates are important and with that comes pressure to appear to be informed. this afternoon we went out on the street, we asked people wha they thought of the first lady debate between melania trump and bill clinton. obviously there was no first lady debate, although it would be pretty great if there was. there's never been a first lady debate and bill clinton is not a lady. but if you think that stopped people giving their opinions of it, guess again. here's the "first lady debate edition of lie witness news." >> how do you think melania trump did during the first lady
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>> well -- i think for her first time under the circumstances, you know, she did okay as far as -- presentation. but as far as the topics are concerned, again, i don't think she was smooth enough. with presenting them. >> where were you when you saw it last night? >> at home. >> who were you with? >> there were a few people. we kind of laughed. >> how do you think melania seemed? underprepared? >> a little bit. just a little bit. informed as like everybody else. bill clinton's been in the office so many times, so he knows how to prepare, presentation, everything. >> how do you think bill clinton did sitting in that hot seat as the first man in that job? >> bill is one of the best speakers of all-time. he knocked it out of the park like he's done his entire career. >> uh-huh. do you think he held his own against melania? >> yeah. that's an understatement i would say. >> who do you think won the debate last night, bill or
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first lady debate last night? >> well -- first man. bill, of course. because he's a cordial gentleman, he goes out of his way. i just believe melania probably major rised and didn't know what she was. >> did you notice any points it seemed melania was plagiarizing michelle obama's performance during her first lady debate this. >> honestly i'm not 100 -- on the particulars. i more follow the format. >> what do you think melania meant during bat night when she said, my job is to stand by my husband, my amaze husband barack, and my daughter, sasha and malia. do you think that was accidental plagiar plagiarism? >> i think it was accidental majorism but she's a foreign lady, she needs to still learn more of our language. >> what was going through your bind when you heard that? >> i was literally like unease, then i kind of understood her
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holt's wife leslie did as the moderator? >> i thought she did a fine job like lester did the week before. it's hard, especially with lester, it's hard to control trump. and their campaign. but she did a good job, i thought. >> what did you think of melania's outfit last night? >> i just thought that it was kind of -- provocative for a first lady. >> what were the people around you saying during the debate last night? >> my sister and i just listened to basically the radio, a.m. radio. >> who do you think had the better recipe for oatmeal cookies during the first lady debate? >> bill's sounded pretty good to i me. >> what was your favorite part of the debate? >> it's a debate, you can't have a favorite part. bill's being himself, it made it enjoyable. he didn't fake it. he was himself. >> just like you? >> of course. >> you'd never fake it? >> never. >> even though this whole thing
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. ryan donahue is here, kristen chenoweth, and be right back with billy bob thornton! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by
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i'm catherine cortez masto and i approve this message. they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists. narrator: and joe heck says "i have high hopes we'll see donald trump become president." i don't know what i said, aah... narrator: heck says he "completely supports" trump. i would bomb the [bleep] out of them. narrator: and heck? reporter: you trust him having his finger on the nuclear button? heck: i do. reporter: why do you say that? heck: why wouldn't i? narrator: donald trump and joe heck.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, a talented actress and singer too, this is her latest album, it's called "the art of elegance." kristin chenoweth is here. then, a very funny gentleman, a comedian, his name is ryan donahue, he'll share jokes. see him live at the comedy connection in providence on october 13th. tomorrow night, zach galifianakis and idina menzel will be with us. and thursday, martin lawrence and gary clark jr. join us then. our first guest is a multi-talented and multi-tattooed oscar-winning person who drops the bob to play a guy named billy in the new drama "goliath." >> you're going to indiana, honey. you know who went there? besides the obvious? ernie pyle, hoagie carmichael -- >> who else? >> bobby knight.
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>> joe butt. jane pauley went to indiana. she did okay. where'd you go to school? >> i went to northwestern. >> northwestern? what the [ bleep ] are you doing here? >> didn't work out. >> i guess. >> jimmy: "goliath" premieres october 14th on amazon. please say hello to billy bob thornton! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: thanks for coming. by the way -- >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: the show is really good. i watched it and i thought, oh, in a way it's a burden for me because there are now too many good shows for me to keep up with. and i watch it, there we go, i have another one on my schedule. >> excellent. >> jimmy: damn you, billy bob.
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coming out next year. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good, i'm looking forward to that. how are you doing? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: is this the first time you've played a billy in a movie? or a tv show i guess. or anything. >> i guess so. i think it is. it's in my contract now. >> jimmy: is it now? >> yeah. from now on i have to be billy in everything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it makes it less confusing. >> it does. >> jimmy: i'm distracted by a big piece of confetti hanging behind us. as if it's going to attack you or something like that. sorry, i'm not very professional. you know, this show, i'll explain it briefly, you play a lawyer who works out of a hotel room in santa monica, who drinks an awful lot. >> right. >> jimmy: you're doing the show in california. you live here in california. the last show i think, the last show i saw you in was "fargo." [ cheers and applause ] that was one of the best tv shows ever made.
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are you happy to be home in l.a. and able to drive to work every day? >> it's pretty amazing. as a matter of fact, we shot in santa monica and convenient necessarily quite a bit. down there. i live like seven minutes from there. >> jimmy: you shot in that clip we saw, shea jay, which is a tiny little dive bar there in santa monica. >> yeah, been there a long time. >> jimmy: did you take over the whole bar to shoot it? >> well, we shot all the exteriors there and the motel and everything where i but we shot the interior on stage because you had to widen it out a little. the real shea jay is tiny. in order to get the whole crew and the camera and all of that. >> jimmy: did you duplicate the inside? >> oh, yeah, looks just like it. >> jimmy: that must be very confusing to the drunks that go there at noon on wednesday. >> yeah, yeah. that's true. yeah, i was actually -- i think there are a couple of guys that came down when we were shooting the exterior, they were closed
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weren't real happy that we took their joint away from them. >> jimmy: yeah, it's that kind of place for sure. had you been there before? >> oh, yeah. i used to hang out there, yeah. >> jimmy: right. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. back in the day. i used to hang out there. >> jimmy: how old is your daughter now? >> she's 12. >> jimmy: she's 12. do you drive her to school and do that kind of regular dad stuff? >> all the dad stuff. she's home schooled. >> jimmy: oh, so you don't have to drive at all. >> no. >> jimmy: it would be weird to put her in the car and go around the block. >> ah we actually -- we have the tutor in the car. just drive around. >> jimmy: are you her teacher? >> gosh, no. oh, no. >> jimmy: i didn't know. >> you don't went that. no, i was -- i was -- challenged at school. >> jimmy: you weren't a good student? >> not really. >> jimmy: whose idea was the home schooling? >> well, my wife really encouraged it but i was all for it.
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doesn't get so many colds. >> jimmy: that's nice, yes. >> the other thing is, you know, with the social media and everything, people text and tweet about each other and all that kind of stuff. it's pretty sensitive, sensitive girl. we just wanted to shelter her a little bit. >> jimmy: and never see any of those people yeah. >> yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you learn stuff? i would think maybe you'd either be way other kids your age if you're home schooled. >> she's really smart. i mean, it's scary how smart she is. i was not -- well, first of all, i'm severely dyslexic. >> jimmy: okay. >> grew up that way. when i was coming up, they didn't have names and groups for everything. >> jimmy: right. >> so i had -- i guess you might -- they call it a.d.d. now, i guess i've got that too. [ laughter ]
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dyslexic and have ocd which adds to all those problems. so i'm not exactly the greatest teacher in the world. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i didn't understand like algebra and those kind of thins especially. >> jimmy: right. >> because when you look at algebra, you're adding -- and i said this to my algebra teacher, who hated me. i don't even know how i passed. they gave me a "d" to get me out of there, i guess. i was one of the kids who smoked by the incinerator. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> i was already not on the -- >> jimmy: you were a b.a.d. kid with a.d.d., yeah. >> my daughter takes latin and all this stuff. >> jimmy: forget it. >> i can't even imagine. i'm looking at algebra. and i said to the teacher one day, i said, look, here's why i don't do anything when you send
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when i look at this stuff, it's just a bunch of junk. i said, how do you add letters? i don't know how you do that. it's like, to me, that's like if you said, cow plus apple equals cowapple and i don't know what that means. >> jimmy: it doesn't mean anything. >> it doesn't mean anything. she said to me, what if you want to be a building engineer? and i said, i promise you, i don't want to be a building engineer. [ la so anyway. in college, didn't work out very well either. i went -- i did all the things that college guys do. i drank beer and chased girls. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> shot pool, all that. but i didn't do the school part. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's -- yeah. i kind of did that too.
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>> i caught them. >> jimmy: i see. i did the drink beer and watch cable, really, was my college experience. did you work when you were in school? did you have a job at that time? >> in college or before? >> jimmy: well, before. i assume in college you had something. >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> no, i -- i work the at every >> jimmy: which was the worst one? >> well, i worked at a saw mill. i worked at a nursing home, a saw mill, i hauled hay, i at a grocery store, i worked at a storm door factory, on the asphalt crew for the state highway department, at a machine shop running a drill press. all that stuff. >> jimmy: wow. did you get fired from all of those jobs? [ laughter ] why did you have so many? >> i -- i was kind of a hippie, you know. >> jimmy: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> i was exactly a hippie.
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>> jimmy: no kind of about it. >> so i had various, you know, chemical refreshments that prevented me from doing my job. all the time. and also by the way working at dangerous places. >> yeah, really, a saw mill, a crazy place to be on drugs, yeah. >> my hair was down to my waist, you know, back in those days. yeah, i did -- we joke, a saw mill joke. >> jimmy: what was it? >> we would say, you know what that is? that's a saw mill worker ordering five beers. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a good one. sharp but good. >> i got out with all my limbs. >> jimmy: yeah, look at that, how about that. you have, to you're ocd, you have to have all your fingers.
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congratulations on the show. add it to your list. it's called "goliath." it premieres october 14th on amazon. billy bob thornton, everybody! be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ? what is that? man, i don't know. ask google! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
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[ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: what are you watching? >> jimmy: what? >> guillermo: what are you watching? >> jimmy: the new episode of "modern family." have you seen this one? >> guillermo: yes, i did. >> jimmy: you did? >> dicky: no, i didn't. i was lying! >> jimmy: oh. thank you for being honest about lying. you know, you can now keep up to date on all your favorite shows with hulu so you don't have to lie. >> guillermo: i system for doing that. >> jimmy: what? >> guillermo: i have a better system for doing that. >> jimmy: you have a better sister for doing that? >> guillermo: system. >> jimmy: you have a better system than hulu? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: oh. >> guillermo: my own streaming service! >> jimmy: you have your own streaming service called gulu? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: looks high-tech. i have an idea. why don't we have a race to see
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>> guillermo: whatever you say. >> jimmy: i'll call out the name of a show. we'll see who can get it up first, okay? >> guillermo: okay. >> jimmy: veg. the show is "black-ish." go! >> guillermo: oh, sitcom -- >>. >> jimmy: i got it. guillermo? i got it. >> guillermo: aah! >> jimmy: you okay? >> guillermo: i found the goldfish. >> jimmy: i said "black-ish," not goldfish. oh, guillermo, won't you ever learn? >> dicky: see what you've been missing. hulu. come tv with us. >> jimmy: why were we frozen for a second? we'll be right back with kristen chenoweth! [ cheers and applause ] ?
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we're back. still to come, comedian ryan donahue. our next guest is what they call a triple threat. she is an emmy and tony winning actress, singer and arm wrestler. her latest album is called "the art of elegance." please welcome kristin chenoweth. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: look how elegant you that is the art of elegance right there. to be boiled down to one photograph. are you elegant in general? >> no, no. i set myself up for failure. >> jimmy: you did? >> my dad called me and said, looked at the cover, and he said, what are you doing in that photo? it looks a little naughty. and i said, well, that's just great. that's what i was going for. >> jimmy: just what you want to hear from your dad, yeah. by the way, it's number one on
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>> thank you. >> jimmy: is it a jazz -- it's technically not jazz, though, right? >> it's got a lot of jazz feel to it even though with the classic standard song. i wanted to put my stamp on it. i listen to linda, ellen, nancy. i wanted to do kristin. >> jimmy: these are friends of yours? >> some of them are still alive. but yeah, they're my friends that i listened to growing up. >> jimmy: you were on "match game" a couple of weeks hosted by alec baldwin. was that fun? >> i don't remember. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really, why? why don't you remember? >> well, first of all, for those people that know me, know i don't drink very much, hardly at all, actually. i'm a petite woman and -- >> jimmy: same here. [ laughter ] >> you just ruined my vision of you, jimmy, oh. so they give you wine. and apparently -- >> jimmy: they do? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: wow. >> wine, and i was extremely nervous.
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why were you -- you perform on broadway. you sing. >> to answer questions i might not know, might appear dumber than i am. >> jimmy: i see. >> and i'm smart, i'm smart. so -- i saw everyone drinking and sarah palin was there -- >> jimmy: what? >> she was one of the -- >> jimmy: she was drinking? >> she was a guesser. i don't even recall, it seemed to me that she was. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> or has been for several years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she carries a gun everywhere. >> she does have a gun too. so anyway. that's a bad combination. but she was -- [ laughter ] everybody was drinking. >> jimmy: everybody's drinking. >> and i thought, just relax, kristin, have some fun. and i had a drink. and the next thing i know i was having two. and the next thing i know -- mark sheaman, who composed "hairspray," he e-mailed me, i'd like to know what drugs were you
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[ laughter ] that's not what i wanted to hear. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> i just had too much wine. we won, apparently. i won. >> jimmy: that's good. you don't remember? >> no. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you performed in the clutch even though you had a couple too many to drink. >> yeah, again, it's -- i'm 4'1 4'11", where does it go? >> jimmy: i don't know where it goes. it goes in, i don't know. ideally it stays in. >> there are a couple of places it cou g full that's it. >> jimmy: you did i saw online that i loved a lot. you do this -- is it a vocal exercise? >> you didn't like on it instagram. >> jimmy: oh, well. [ laughter ] i don't know how to do that exactly. >> i understand. >> jimmy: actually, it's something that the theme to "game of thrones," i assume you're a big fan? >> is the pope catholic? i love it. >> jimmy: he is indeed. "game of thrones" has this big
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>> jimmy: i never fast forward. i stand and sing the whole theme song. >> you're singing it? >> jimmy: i make up words depending on what's going on, whatever. just to annoy my wife. but you do -- you did this beautiful version and i was wondering if you would do it for us, demonstrate it for us live. [ cheers and applause ] there's a microphone. and wait. i don't know if you want to have this too. this is valerian steel. >> valerian root steel. >> jimmy: oh, look at that, yeah. so -- okay, i'll hold this part. >> ready? >> jimmy: i'm read. operatic version.
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? ? ? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you've got to come to the house next time when the show comes back. beautifully done. kristin chenoweth, everybody. this is her album, she's so elegant, the art is elegant. we'll be right back with ryan
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horner: i was proud to stand for our country. i will not stand for congressman hardy and donald trump insulting seniors and veterans. hardy wants to raise the retirement age and said seniors who rely on programs like social security are a draw on government and the disabled are a drain on society. they're just not for us. dccc is responsible for the content of this advertising. >> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny young man who is making his television debut. you can catch his show "hush money" every monday night at pink's in manhattan.
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[ cheers and applause ] hello, everyone. good to see you all. good to be out. can't be in the gym 24/7, you know what i mean? you've got to come and hang. this is cool. i was a huge sports fan growing up. loved baseball. collected baseball cards for years. they were my favorite thing. i spent all my money on them. and i was going through my collection recently. and i realized that they're just pictures of dudes. [ laughter ] like no one told me i was collecting thousands and thousands of tiny wallet-sized portraits of athletic men. [ cheers and applause ] with their height and weight written on the back. i keep them in pages of nine so everyone could see nine guys at once. like these are my asset boys. seattle boys. all these guys are from chicago.
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stretching his quads. put it in the hard case. it's a strange thing to hoard is what i'm saying. beneath my mattress so no one can get to them. that's my favorite man, leave him where he is! no one told me it's strange or irrelevant because they're pictures of professional athletes so it's normal i guess. if i was collecting polaroids of local softball players? [ laughter ] people would have a problem with that. this is murph, he quit tennis. i thought i was going to make a living selling pictures of guys to other guys but i didn't think it through. i still don't think things through. i want to want to read. [ laughter ] but there's still a huge part of me that just enjoys getting into fruitless arguments with people about stuff i don't know anything about. it's exciting. excitement happens when you don't know what you're talking about. like i had an argument with a
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a rodent or mammal. turns out rodents are mammals. like i checked. like they have been the whole time. and i don't know if you guys know how it feels to be in a fight with someone and then lose together. hike me against you, then we lose to the truth, right? you can't get that from a book. that's real life. i think that's valuable. like i recently realized i like loud sitters. you'll be waiting for something to to you, like yeaaaaah! i don't have to look up anymore, like, yeah, that's a war vet ar a veteran of some war, overseize or internal. you can tell how long a life someone has lived by how lould they are when they sit down. any time someone sits next to me silently there's a small part of me that's my father that's like,
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but i'm trying. i'm trying to put things together. make sense of this world. recently i learned you can tell how young a person is based on which words they choose to abbreviate. like me, i choose to abbreviate phrases like laugh out loud, rolling on the floor laughing my butt off. but my grandpa chooses to abbreviate words like japanese. homosexual. he's just got a different a different abbreviating style, because he's older. that's what that is. they call that style old fashioned. which is quaint, i think. like yeah grandma doesn't know any better, even though he's been here longer than all of us. that's my time, everybody. thank you so much! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ryan donahue. i'd like to thank my guests, matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, thanks for
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, vice versas. the vice presidential candidates in a heated debate. but not necessarily against one another. >> the thought of donald trump as commander in chief scares us to death. >> there's a reason why people question the trustworthiness of hillary clinton and that's because they're paying attention. their loyalty. >> you are for -- >> you ar drum supremacist. >> he's not a polished politician like you and hillary clinton -- >> did they change voters' minds? expert reaction and public opinion tonight. plus finally free. a man wrongfully convicted of a brutal crime spending 25 years behind bars, exonerated by dna evidence. >> god is good! god is good! >> catching up on lost time.


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